(Untitled)

Aug 01, 2007 19:44

Title: Not-So-Childish Fears Part II - Leafy Tunnel ( Read more... )

yuichi, manga, jul'07, makoto, mai, pre-series

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Comments 7

sheankelor August 2 2007, 11:51:42 UTC
Poor Makoto... her Dad has to have a talk with that person who set up their cottage.

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sheankelor August 2 2007, 11:54:07 UTC
Oh!! *Grin* I got my green finger story!!! Thank you.. and it is good so far.... part three...soon...soon?

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raya_light August 2 2007, 16:18:55 UTC
Part 4 I think. I'm debating splitting this one in two and covering Scream with it.

And it is started. In fact, I wanted to work on it last night instead of iconning. *sigh* So, I didn't get much done on either. But, I mailed it to work so I can continue slugging on. ^-^

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sheankelor August 2 2007, 17:15:52 UTC
At work? Lunch is going to be productive...

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seniumboy August 3 2007, 03:35:19 UTC
This part here got me confused: "No ancient queens had muffled their power to soothe traumatized senshi." If she's four, how would she know about that?

Everything else is golden though. Not letting the reader know about the fear and it's origin keeps the suspense up.

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raya_light August 5 2007, 20:36:04 UTC
You know, I debated about that sentence. I put it in and took it out about four times. In fact, when Ree read this, it wasn't there. It just seemed to add some balance to the paragraph. I had hoped it could be read from God view as opposed to Mako view, but if it tripped you up, I guess not. *goes off to strike it once more*

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