(Untitled)

Apr 18, 2007 21:13

Title: Leaving home
Author: Ree
Theme: Chibi-Usa (time travel)
Genre: General
Version: PGSM
Rating: G

This lovely child and her friends were the creations of Takeuchi Naoko. I am just playing with some really nice dolls. ( And hiding them from my daughter and niece.^-^)

Leaving home )

apr'07, pgsm, chibiusa

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Comments 7

seniumboy April 21 2007, 06:45:10 UTC
This was good :) only thing that caught me was the explination of the key. With all the keys she's suppose to wear, that one key sounds overly powerful. That's the only thing that felt out of place, the rest of the story was really good though, I like how Chibiusa puts up her brave front.

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sheankelor April 21 2007, 10:59:13 UTC
Hum-m-m the key, it seemed to powerful? I thought all of Pluto's keys did that.. well maybe not glow, but allowed you to move through the time stream. Can you tell me what exactly was too powerful about it so that I can correct it?

And I'm glad you like this one. I felt the PGSM ChibiUsa would be a little stronger the Anime. I mean Usagi got to be. ^-^

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seniumboy April 22 2007, 01:17:48 UTC
I thought the key seemed too powerful. I dont know how many keys she has, but if you go by tradtional magick rules (incatations to use magic, or in this case attack phrases) then her keys should be like tailsmens, used to help her do something herself. An example would be describing the gates of time as a huge doorway with X number of locks, where X = the keys she has. One lock opens up a certain distance of time, or in this case a crack in the gates to allow a person to go only so far. All the keys unlocking all the locks on the gates of time could allow for the total opening of the gates and free roaming to anywhere in time, aside from the future because there is no future until it comes, unless you have a link to a specific future ( ... )

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sheankelor April 22 2007, 02:38:00 UTC
That makes sense. And I agree, the higher the magic the more you have to do with that tailsmen to get it to be what you want it to be. Would it help if I figure out someway top explain that Pluto basically tuned the key to where she was sending ChibiUsa, so basically it is a 2 way ticket.. there and back again. I couldn't think of one before, but if it will help, I'll try harder..

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raya_light April 21 2007, 17:17:18 UTC
Ah, to me it was not clear how upset ChibiUsa was at first. Maybe indicate that she was crying or trembling with fear or something? She can still be strong, but if that was the first manifestation of the Silver Crystal, she has not been controling her emotions that well for very long, and if it is glowing in reaction to her upset, she is very upset, ne? I also think that she would try to cling to Puu a bit more even with being brave, but that's me.

I liked the communication bracelet instead of Luna P, but I think she should have something else, too. Something Bandai can merchandise to very young children like a stuffed Luna P pillow or something. That would give it even more of a PGSM feel, I think.

I thought the power of the key was about right. *Is a little confused by Senium's comment* Did you change something before I read it?

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sheankelor April 21 2007, 18:07:46 UTC
No, I changed nothing, and I'm not working for the Bandi Corp ^-^ so no more merchandise!.. And I think she need to be a little more scared, but I wan't sure how to put it in there either. Tired druggy brains.. no fun. I was wondering if it was becasue the key opened the path, that is all I can think of..

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