Pain - Oneshot
Jack stared down at the body on the floor. Gwen had gone, muttering something about soldiers and procedures. Jack didn’t give a damn about all that anymore. mso-ansi-language:EN-GB">
He stroked the cold pale face in front of him and felt a fresh wave of tears flow down his face. He traced Ianto’s features, his fingers running down his face and neck to the collar of his shirt. Even in death Ianto managed to look immaculate. Jack stroked the silk tie, a particular favourite of his, and pressed a kiss to his lover’s forehead.
He heard raised voices behind him but didn’t turn, keeping his face close to Ianto’s.
“Jack?” Gwen spoke softly, coming to stand beside her boss, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Jack, they want us to leave.”
Jack closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying with all his might not to let her see him cry. Not again. He was the strong one; the one who would stand tall whilst all others lay broken and helpless.
He hauled himself up, pushing past Gwen, fighting to keep his tear stained face composed. Jack marched out of the hall without a backwards glance.
Gwen sighed, glancing down at Ianto. She frowned. His tie was missing.
* * * * * *
Jack very nearly broke down as he tore himself away from the body of that wonderful, beautiful, brilliant Welshman. He controlled himself long enough to make it out of the sight of the soldiers and officials. And Gwen.
He staggered down the corridor, falling through the first door he came to. An office. He slumped against the door. His composure snapped and the floodgates opened. He sank to the floor as violent sobs shook his body. In his mind, Jack ran over the past few days; all the stupid comments, stubborn arguments, harsh words. And it all boiled down to the fact that Jack Harkness was a bloody coward, terrified of his own emotions.
Jack was overcome with self-loathing as he recalled the desperate attempts Ianto had made to get some kind of conformation as to what exactly it was that they had. All the ‘couple’ comments that Jack had heard, but not really understood. Now he did. But it was all too late.
The captain curled into a ball on the cheap caret, shaking and crying. Ianto had loved him, and Jack had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice; too busy making sure no one else got under his skin, under his barriers.
He had known another loss like Estelle or Lucia would have left him broken but Ianto was so much more than any of them. He had tried in vain to keep everyone at arms length. It’s ironic that you never realise what you have until it’s taken from you. Jack let out a cry like a wounded animal, sobbing harder now. It was then that with shaking hands he pulled a long piece of silk out from his pocket. A tie. He pressed it to his face, breathing in a scent he had grown dependent on these past couple of years. He sobbed into the material, soaking it in seconds.
“I love you too,” He whispered, praying with all his heart that there really was something more out there, somewhere Ianto could be listening from. He deserved to know.
* * * * * * *
Gwen was worried. She had paced the hall of bodies for a while, but eventually her worry and need to comfort had taken over. She new she should leave Jack to grieve, but she just couldn’t. So, as quietly as she could, Gwen slipped out of the room and into the corridor.
She was greeted by a pitiful noise, rather like a dieing animal, echoing along the corridors. Gwen winced, but took a deep breath and peered through the glass in the door on her left. She gasped.
Jack, the man she had always looked up too; her leader; her friend, was barely a shadow of the man she knew. He lay curled up on the floor, his arms wrapped around his chest, as though trying to hold himself together. His whole face was red, puffy and contorted in anguish. Gwen felt her own tears spill over as Jack howled again. He was a mess, tear-stained and nose running. She had never seen him so uncontrolled; so vulnerable.
She couldn’t watch anymore and turned away, stifling a sob.
* * * * * * *
Jack had known Gwen was there, but for once he didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of him.
Clenching the tie in his fist, the Captain pulled out the gun Gwen had handed back to him only a short while before. He squeezed his eyes shut, picturing Ianto’s face in his mind.
Smiling; laughing; so full of life.
Gone.
A single tear rolled down Jack’s cheek as he pressed the cold metal against his feverish temple and prayed that this time he wouldn’t wake up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do we think? x
Comments are love x
He stroked the cold pale face in front of him and felt a fresh wave of tears flow down his face. He traced Ianto’s features, his fingers running down his face and neck to the collar of his shirt. Even in death Ianto managed to look immaculate. Jack stroked the silk tie, a particular favourite of his, and pressed a kiss to his lover’s forehead.
He heard raised voices behind him but didn’t turn, keeping his face close to Ianto’s.
“Jack?” Gwen spoke softly, coming to stand beside her boss, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Jack, they want us to leave.”
Jack closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying with all his might not to let her see him cry. Not again. He was the strong one; the one who would stand tall whilst all others lay broken and helpless.
He hauled himself up, pushing past Gwen, fighting to keep his tear stained face composed. Jack marched out of the hall without a backwards glance.
Gwen sighed, glancing down at Ianto. She frowned. His tie was missing.
* * * * * *
Jack very nearly broke down as he tore himself away from the body of that wonderful, beautiful, brilliant Welshman. He controlled himself long enough to make it out of the sight of the soldiers and officials. And Gwen.
He staggered down the corridor, falling through the first door he came to. An office. He slumped against the door. His composure snapped and the floodgates opened. He sank to the floor as violent sobs shook his body. In his mind, Jack ran over the past few days; all the stupid comments, stubborn arguments, harsh words. And it all boiled down to the fact that Jack Harkness was a bloody coward, terrified of his own emotions.
Jack was overcome with self-loathing as he recalled the desperate attempts Ianto had made to get some kind of conformation as to what exactly it was that they had. All the ‘couple’ comments that Jack had heard, but not really understood. Now he did. But it was all too late.
The captain curled into a ball on the cheap caret, shaking and crying. Ianto had loved him, and Jack had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice; too busy making sure no one else got under his skin, under his barriers.
He had known another loss like Estelle or Lucia would have left him broken but Ianto was so much more than any of them. He had tried in vain to keep everyone at arms length. It’s ironic that you never realise what you have until it’s taken from you. Jack let out a cry like a wounded animal, sobbing harder now. It was then that with shaking hands he pulled a long piece of silk out from his pocket. A tie. He pressed it to his face, breathing in a scent he had grown dependent on these past couple of years. He sobbed into the material, soaking it in seconds.
“I love you too,” He whispered, praying with all his heart that there really was something more out there, somewhere Ianto could be listening from. He deserved to know.
* * * * * * *
Gwen was worried. She had paced the hall of bodies for a while, but eventually her worry and need to comfort had taken over. She new she should leave Jack to grieve, but she just couldn’t. So, as quietly as she could, Gwen slipped out of the room and into the corridor.
She was greeted by a pitiful noise, rather like a dieing animal, echoing along the corridors. Gwen winced, but took a deep breath and peered through the glass in the door on her left. She gasped.
Jack, the man she had always looked up too; her leader; her friend, was barely a shadow of the man she knew. He lay curled up on the floor, his arms wrapped around his chest, as though trying to hold himself together. His whole face was red, puffy and contorted in anguish. Gwen felt her own tears spill over as Jack howled again. He was a mess, tear-stained and nose running. She had never seen him so uncontrolled; so vulnerable.
She couldn’t watch anymore and turned away, stifling a sob.
* * * * * * *
Jack had known Gwen was there, but for once he didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of him.
Clenching the tie in his fist, the Captain pulled out the gun Gwen had handed back to him only a short while before. He squeezed his eyes shut, picturing Ianto’s face in his mind.
Smiling; laughing; so full of life.
Gone.
A single tear rolled down Jack’s cheek as he pressed the cold metal against his feverish temple and prayed that this time he wouldn’t wake up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do we think? x
Comments are love x