homemade poem spam

[ravenclaw42]

I rewrote my story and have almost finished it. It wasn't originally supposed to be the sequel to Pluralism, but after much debate I've decided that it is. It's about the same length as Pluralism. I don't think it's quite the same as the first version, maybe not as good, but it's okay in its own right. We'll see

Comments

[yma2]

Mmm...

I think this is a poem that would take several re-readings and a lot of deconstructing to reall grasp all the details of. That's a good thing, I think, but... it was complex. It was cleaver, I think.. I think it made me think, it had a lot of very interesting observation in there...
I'm not sure I have time to give a full deconstruction. I found some of it a little... cleched in parts, and I feel that some of your ideas were a little confused, perhaps the poem should be more consise? Regardless, this has a wonderful feeling, especially with the gentle mix of pop culture thrown in.
Good stuff.

(NB, remember, you owe me a comment on my Bleach Fic, dammnit. AND I wanna read the Ichigo/Ishida one soon to! Write girl, Write! :wink:

[oceansecrets2]

Wow! What your mom said.

It was okay, better than we'd anticipated,
Worse than we'd hoped,
Like life.

And people don't care about anything except the fact
That you remembered their name
And at least one thing they like.

This felt like the fog, swirling and a little obscure at times, but beautiful, and not just because your mother told you so.

[rsharpe]

This was truly beautiful. Melancholy and a bit depressing and I am going to have to read it again. Any poem that makes another person think and feel is worth reading again and again.

[gairid]

What a beautiful and highly unsettling poem; I am at a bit of a loss for words, really, because of the complex layering of thought and emotion capped off by sequences of words that pretty much made my heart twist.

Such a wealth of talent.

[laura_iskra]

well, that's something, really!
I'm going to read it again and again!