"I wish I could go home."

This is one of those phrases that keeps echoing through my mind. Even when I'm at home. Especially when I'm at home. I long to go back somewhere I belong. But there's no 'back'.

I'm fucking cold.

Really fucking cold.

There's no fucking heat here. I'm freezing.

I am so full of energy right now. Not in a good way, either. I need to let this energy out. NOW. And I can only see four ways to do it ( Read more... )

There are times when it feels like there is no future, and no past; there is only the eternal now, with no beginning and no ending; no escape is possible. Tomorrow is not another day. Tomorrow does not exist.

Online dating blows. Why do I even try this? It does nothing but cause myself pain and suffering. I'll never meet someone I'll 'fall in love' with. Maybe I am, solely amongst the tribe of humanity, cursed to be unable to 'love'. Maybe 'love' is a lie, something we tell ourselves so we don't feel bad about using others emotionally for sex ( Read more... )

Why can't I write when I am sober? I find myself unable to write except when I am drunk or sleep-deprived. I cannot create in my own natural state of mind; I need a drink, a herb, a drug, to bring me to the point where the words flow from my fingertips. When I am sober, in my 'right mind' as the law puts it, I cannot write; I writhe in agony as the ( Read more... )

Before the memory fades, I must relate this tale ( Read more... )

If there is one word which describes my feelings towards my fellow man, it would be 'alienation'. Rarely do I ever feel a part of something, or one of the crowd. I am eternally an outsider, even in friendly atmospheres. Everywhere I go, I am alone.

I now have a website.

Yep. Updating in the wee morning hours again. Sorry about my last bout of melancholy melodrama. I am still alive. I have nothing to report besides this, as my life is in a holding pattern. I will update when I have more to report, if ever.

I believe I just hit bottom. I wasn't able to sleep, and went around looking for sleeping pills, but I couldn't find a single-serving package of sleeping pills; I didn't trust myself with a bottle of them.