A Fortunate Fall (5/18)
banner made by toodelicious Title: A Fortunate Fall
Fandom: Merlin (c) BBC
Genres: AU, Romance/Drama
Rating: PG-13/R
Words: 5568
Progress: 5/18
Summary: Single father Arthur Pendragon, at the end of his rope, finds a miracle in the form of a young cashier boy at the local convenience store. As for Merlin, he's not quite sure about what to make of his new job as an au pair for the wealthiest man in town; but he does know that his employer has more than a few skeletons in his closet.
1/18:raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/871.html#cutid1
2/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/1393.html
3/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/1632.html#cutid1
4/18: raspberry-pop.livejournal.com/2056.html
Merlin lived out the weekend in trepidation; because hell, Matthew half outed him to Arthur Pendragon. And Merlin understood completely if Arthur didn't want a guy with a different set of morals around Alex. But when he arrived at the Pendragon house that Monday, Arthur was coding in his study and Merlin didn't even have to explain. Arthur must have thought Matthew was kidding...but Merlin hoped the day would never come when he'd have to explain to Arthur that he was of...wasn't.
"How was your weekend?" Arthur asked him.
"...I'm never cleaning house with Matthew or Will ever again." Post his alleged 'epic' performance, Mordred had begged off his morning duties and instead, called up Celia and Valerie, and Merlin didn't even want to think about what they had been doing. "But otherwise, pretty eventful." He leans his elbows on the back of Arthur's computer chair and watched as Arthur's fingers danced expertly over the keys. "You?"
"We went to zoo Sunday." Arthur said, glancing back at him, "Alexander really wanted you to come."
"Next time, then." Merlin said, straightening up, "...Would you like some breakfast?" He was half expecting a dumb look along with the question, 'What's breakfast?', but Arthur got out of his chair, "Sure. Did you eat?"
"Um." Merlin searched through the morning's activities, he'd slept kind of late, took a long shower, and nearly missed the bus. Nope. "...Guess I forgot this morning, no, not really."
"You really weren't kidding when you said I was a bad influence." Arthur gave him a look. "You might as well eat with me. I'm going to drive Alexander today. But you should ride along and you still have to pick him up."
"Oh." Merlin went into the kitchen and Arthur followed, he was vaguely aware of that , because for the first time, he realized that his employer wore cologne. It was very faint, but warm, and most importantly, it smelled good on Arthur. "...Why are you taking Alex again?"
"Apparently, they're holding parent conferences, since the new term started. I managed to squeeze mine in early." Arthur shrugged.
"You're meeting with Miss Collins?"
"Yeah."
"She hates me." Merlin said with conviction, as he put four slices of bread into the toaster. "Because of what happened at the zoo." he moved to the fridge to pick out an apple, and then rummaged in the drawers for a knife. This was getting to be a little too domestic, and Merlin found it funny that he probably knew Arthur's kitchen better than Arthur did.
"The kid throwing up wasn't your fault." Arthur said, "Did she blame you?"
"No...well, not directly, but the owner of the restaurant did. He hunted us down before we boarded the bus. If I were Miss Collins, I'd hate me too." Merlin sliced the knife through the apple as he talked.
"Well, it's not like she'll try anything with me there to protect you." Arthur reasoned.
"You really try too hard to be everyone's knight in shining armor." Merlin looked at him, "Thanks but no thanks...I don't think I'll go in with you, I'll just wait in the car."
Silence hung between them after that, but it was a companionable silence, and at last Arthur asked, "What are you making?"
"Sandwich, apples with peanut butter."
"A kid's snack?"
The look that Arthur received for that transgression was a baleful one, "...I used to have it all the time. It's healthy." Merlin went back to lathering bread with peanut butter.
Yes, and Merlin, skin and bone, was so the ideal poster child for the health department. Arthur went to check on the coffee. It was about ready. He poured two generous mugs and set them out. (He had no idea why, but he remembered how Merlin liked his coffee, three spoons of cream, and a half spoonful of sugar) "What's Alexander having?"
"I think he prefers cereal in the morning. I'll get it." Merlin set down the sandwiches and disappeared back into the kitchen.
The sandwich was indeed very good, and Arthur couldn't quite figure out why Alex was so chipper this particular morning as he wolfed down cereal. Neither could Merlin, judging by the confused looks that his au pair was giving him across the table.
--
"Dad is dating a skank." Alex said, quite out of the blue on the way to Morgana's house a couple of weeks later.
Merlin nearly drove into a pole, "...Excuse me?"
"You heard me, I sad, 'Dad's dating a skank.'" Alex repeated, not at all amused. Arms crossed, the boy actually looked quite stern. "I hate her."
"Is it the Sophia lady that you showed me in the photo?" Merlin guessed she fit the criteria of the definition he gave Alex--actually, why did the kid have to remember that word? But well, Arthur was thirty, and single (even with a wedding ring) so dating wasn't a bad thing. He said as much, "Alex, 'skank' is not a nice word. Don't use it unless you mean it."
"But I do mean it!"
"Alex.." Merlin sighed, he was trying his best to be diplomatic, but stubbornness was obviously a trait that he had inherited from Arthur in the worst way. "Listen, I know you might not like your dad dating again, but maybe Sophia's not so bad. You have to give her a chance. I mean, Arthur likes her."
"No, he doesn't."
"Alex." Perhaps this conversation was a little too mature for Alex to handle, Merlin pulled up on Morgana's driveway and stopped Arthur's car. He turned around, so he could look the boy in the eye, "Alex, two people don't date unless they like each other a lot, okay? And everyone's likable somewhere, you just have to look harder."
"Have you ever met Sophia?" Alex's tone was decidedly accusing.
"No, but I probably will soon." Merlin got out of the car and opened the door for Alex, "And when I do meet her I'll promise to be nice too."
Alex took his hand, "But do you know what that means?"
"What?"
"If Dad and Sophia get married, she's going to be my Mom." Alex's face twisted into an expression of disgust. "That's just ew. I have a Mom."
Yes, that was true, but it kind of was counterproductive if Alex didn't know who his mother was. Merlin wasn't about to go down that road. They came to Morgana's door, and Merlin looked down at him again, "Alex, your dad has been dating Sophia for how long?"
"...Two weeks."
"Right, that doesn't mean that they'll get married. Plenty of people date and don't get married." Merlin's mind backtracked, two weeks? He was going to think about that later. Maybe that explained the cologne Arthur started to wear. He rang the bell.
Morgana met them at the door, her hair in a thick braid and this was the first time that Merlin had seen her in normal, casual clothing. She wore a t-shirt splattered with paint and jeans. But she still managed to look beautiful. Perhaps that was a Pendragon curse--drunk, messed up, or whatnot, they still managed to look great. "Hey, Alex, Merlin." She greeted them with a smile, "I was trying to finish up a piece, don't mind the mess."
"Aunt Morgana is the next Picasso." Alex told Merlin as he slipped off his shoes.
"Am not, Alex." But Morgana took to ruffling the boy's hair, "...Don't mind him, I"m very small time. This is my first commission in a while."
"I'm sure you're great." Merlin assured her.
She told them both to sit in the dining room for a minute while she went off to wash her hands. Alex swung in the chair next to Merlin's, "Aunt Morgana will tell you that Sophia is a skank." He said seriously, "Ask her."
Merlin picked idly at a napkin. He had to wonder if it was Morgana who started this whole fiasco in the first place. After all, it made sense, Alex seemed to adore his aunt. Admittedly, Merlin had yet to puzzle out the dynamics between father and son.
"Ask me what?" Morgana breezed back into the kitchen and went to the fridge, "Alex, I have a cherry cheesecake and a pecan pie today. Which one would you like?"
Apparently, Alex was feeling charitable today. He turned to Merlin, "What would you like?"
"A cherry cheesecake sounds fine. I guess, thanks." Merlin went back to knotting the napkin between his fingers.
--
So Arthur gave in.
So he sort of felt like a sellout. But besides that, the productivity at CamSoft had noticeably gone down ever since he and Sophia Tirmore went official. However, it seemed as if everyone was happier for it...and Arthur wasn't sure what to think. They'd practically given them a party (with the banner overhead crowing gleefully: Well! Fucking Finally!') and it was the single most embarrassing moment in his life to date.
But he wondered why he had done it. Yes, maybe he was an alcoholic and it was somewhat affecting his judgment by this point. Or maybe the episodes of almost sex. He'd been out of the dating scene too long, he supposed.
And it was just.
Weird.
Arthur couldn't even say that he liked it. But he supposed this was what college girls did with their boyfriends. Even if the said boyfriend was thirty and an almost alcoholic. And not exactly nice. Arthur really didn't think of himself as a nice person. And...hell, it was really hard to think when--
Having Sophia Tirmore grind him in his computer chair was...not a good idea. The chair was expensive, and the chair was in his office and the walls really weren't as soundproof as she'd like to believe. He was an adult, he could handle this.
"Sophia, stop."
She did, pulling back ever so slightly, but not enough for him not to notice how her breasts were pressing into him. And for some reason, it was gross. "Don't you like what I'm doing?"
Maybe after a couple of drinks, he'd reconsider. Arthur suddenly felt claustrophobic. "I have work to do."
"Arthur--"
"Get out."
Sophia glared at him, and slid off of his lap to fetch her shoes. She bent over a little bit more than necessary and Arthur averted his eyes. He was really not the type of person to date and dump a woman in just under two weeks (even though his college experience might have labeled him as such.) But who knew? Sophia Tirmore was a bimbo and just might set a precedent.
There was a knock.
"Who is it?"
"It's Kaye."
Arthur hastily tugged his tie straight and sat up a little bit in his chair. "Come in."
Kaye let himself in, and when he saw Arthur's somewhat disheveled appearance, he had the propriety to just raise his eyebrows. "I come bearing good news. I trust you're in need of some, kiddo?" Still, the older man's voice was decidedly mocking. Well, at least he didn't just come right out and say that Arthur looked like a lost hurricane.
"You read my mind." Arthur did not like being called 'kiddo.'
"So like you said." Kaye took the chair opposite of Arthur's desk, "I didn't put out a list yet, but I did make a few calls and compiled this for you." So saying, he slid a packet across to Arthur, "To date, this is a list of potential inverters that would buy CamSoft stock if we listed."
Arthur was impressed, so impressed that he was even willing to put the Sophia fiasco in the back of his mind for a little while. The list was long, five pages stapled together, and the figures blew his mind, and Arthur Pendragon liked to think he was a wealthy man. Most of the names he recognized, Arthur was almost giddy.
"With this, loans won't be a problem. We might even be out of debt by Christmas."
Arthur frowned at a name at the bottom of the list, "I'll list, as long as you promise that you won't let things get out of hand." But if there was anyone Arthur could trust, it was Kaye.
Kaye only hesitated a moment, "Deal. Sign here."
Arthur glanced it over, seemed to be some kind of release form. He signed. The day was suddenly looking up.
--
"Well, she is." Was Morgana's too calm reply to Alex's "Dad's dating a skank." "But Alex, where'd you learn that word? I"m guessing Merlin didn't teach it to you." She looked at him.
Merlin felt naked, and small. "...Yeah, but I'm indirectly guilty, my little brother let it slip."
Morgana's gaze softened, "...Little brothers seem to be all the same, don't they?"
Merlin picked at his cheesecake. Out of loyalty for Arthur, he was about to say that he and Mordred were in no way alike. But...it wasn't as if Arthur had always been like this. Merlin was sure there had been happier times for Arthur, he just couldn't see any. Arthur was doing a great job of not being happy.
"Arthur...he's nothing like my brother. Mordred's sort of a nut."
"Yes, but so was Arthur, back in his day." Morgana told him, taking a sip of her tea, "You have no idea." She put down her cup and leaned her elbows on the table, "Look, this might sound cruel. But in some ways, I'm glad that those things happened to Arthur. He was born and raised thinking that whatever mess he got into, money would get him out, the Pendragon name would get him out."
"What does this have to do with Sophia Tirmore?" Merlin asked faintly.
"She's what Arthur used to be. Of course he would be completely taken by her..." Morgana pursed her lips, "Trust me, if he continues to see her, CamSoft will be underwater by New Year's." And then she smiled, "I supposed that can't be helped, can it? Arthur has always had a weakness for women. Even if they are...not so honorable."
Well, that part of Arthur seemed like Mordred. But Merlin had never seen him with a woman. "That bad?"
"That bad." Alex confirmed, sucking on a cherry, "Do you know what we did last Sunday?"
"The Sunday you went to the zoo?"
"No," Alex shook his head, "The Sunday after that. The zoo was actually really fun. You should go next time, Dad bought me a balloon. But anyways. That's not the point." The boy shook his head impatiently, "The Sunday after that, last Sunday. She came with us." He grimaced.
"And where'd you go?"
"My school festival. We host one every year. My class had a puppet show." Alex momentarily brightened, "It was really fun. But she had to kiss me afterwards. And she got her lipstick all over me." He shuddered, as if saying the words made him relive the memory all over again. "And then, she sprained her ankle and Dad had to carry her all the way back to the car." He crossed his arms with a pout, "She didn't even sprain her ankle."
Certainly sounded like an exciting date. Merlin was about to open his mouth to say as much, and then his phone beeped.
Speaking of the devil:
Arthur Pendragon.
Merlin flipped open his phone and held it to his ear, "...Hey, Arthur." This was becoming routine, it was probably, 'Sorry Merlin, I"m going to go hole up with my new girlfriend in a hotel room, look after my kid, would you?' And then he shook the thought from his mind. The Arthur he knew would not do that. Morgana Le Fay was a terrifying woman.
"Merlin, just wondering, are you busy tonight?"
Merlin bit his lip, "What, do you want me to stay with Alex again?"
Morgana was burning holes through his cell phone. It made Merlin uncomfortable so he got up to pace around the dining room table.
"No. Nothing like that. Where are you right now?"
"Morgana's."
"My sister, Morgana?" Arthur's voice got noticeably tight, "Why are you even over there?"
Merlin was under the impression that Arthur Pendragon didn't scare easy. Maybe he was wrong, "She's nice Alex wanted to see her." He supplied, trying not to flinch, "If you don't need me to stay with Alex, what do you need then? I know you'll be late."
"She's listening to you?"
"Yeah."
"Well, don't say that if she's listening." Arthur's voice lowered to a whisper. "Do you want to stay for dinner tonight? I'd like you to meet Sophia, my girlfriend."
Oh. Well. Merlin was at a loss. He was only an au pair, after all, and not anyone terribly important. Although he liked to consider himself as Arthur's friend, but he didn't know if his employer would agree. But unless Arthur had somewhat of a decent opinion of him, there was no reason for Merlin to meet Sophia. Granted, after what Alex and Morgana had told him, he asked himself whether or not he wanted to meet this Sophia. But the fact that Arthur had thought so much of him, made him happy.
It was a little bit silly.
Unless. "Arthur." Merlin said carefully, "...Are we going out to dinner, or do you want me to stay so I could cook you something?" And then leave after that? Morgana's eyes turned especially venomous, Merlin winced and looked away.
"...If Morgana heard you say that, she's going to think I'm taking advantage of you."
"I really don't mind cooking for you." Merlin said, "I mean, you probably don't eat healthy anyway."
That coaxed a smile from Morgana.
"You. Are having too much fun broadcasting to my sister." Arthur grumbled. "Fine, cook if you want. Sophia's picky though. See you at six-thirty."
"Six-thirty." Merlin echoed and hung up.
For some reason, cooking for his employer and his employer's girlfriend made him feel giddy. Not a normal reaction. But Merlin would think about that later. For now, he'd pacify Morgana, "...Look, I just thought it would be bad for him to eat out so much."
Morgana's lips twitched, "You are really spoiling him. If I didn't think you were an eternal optimist, I'd say you liked my brother."
...
And that was when Merlin knew it was time to leave. He hated it, people saying that he liked Arthur Pendragon. Because he didn't. But that didn't mean he could not change his mind. And he already knew that when Morgana wanted you to think a certain way. You did. No questions asked. He didn't even want to start to dwell on the fact that Alex looked extremely pleased at the fact that Merlin might like Arthur.
--
"I don't see why we can't just go to that restaurant." Sophia said, as she buckled herself in. "You've been wanting to go, aren't you?"
Arthur was getting more and more used to it. When her hand settled on his knee, he only flinched a little. "...Merlin said he'd cook for us. I haven't seen Alex all day."
His son had always been Alexander. Arthur didn't really see the merit if calling his son by a name he wasn't given. But then, that might have been because Arthur grew being Arthur, and not 'Art' or something like that. Clearly, Merlin was rubbing off on him, and he glanced over to see if Sophia had noticed his slip of tongue. He was somewhat relieved and horrified at the same time to find that apparently, Sophia was very, very distracted by his knee.
After a while, Sophia said, "So...Merlin's like an all-purpose boy now?"
Arthur didn't really like her tone. Or, he hated her tone, and the obvious implication that Merlin was some sort of a machine. Although he wasn't quite sure where this streak of protectiveness came from, "...It's not like that." Perhaps to satisfy himself, Arthur added, "You're making me sound so heartless, Sophia."
She laughed at him, silky sweet, almost like poison. "You're so silly."
Arthur Pendragon was a lot of things. But silly was not one of them.
--
"Why'd you say yes?" Alex swung his legs impatiently, "She's coming over, I don't want her to come over."
Merlin sighed and looked up from the almonds he was crushing with a spoon, "If I didn't say yes, Arthur probably would have taken her out to dinner and brought you along." He reasoned, "...And I'm not going to be there to rescue you." Besides, Merlin was curious about Arthur's girlfriend. The Arthur he had come to know was (somewhat) responsible and (mostly) reasonable. He felt it kind of impossible, that Arthur would dance along to the tune of a skank.
"Oh. Good point." Alex peered over, "What are you making?"
"Almond pudding. It's for dessert."
"Yummy." Alex licked his lips, "Can I help?"
"Sure." Merlin handed him the spoon, "You can just smash these up for me."
A couple of hours later, Merlin was staring at the oven, waiting for the stuffed chicken to be done. He found it hilarious that Mordred crowned him a mother hen, because Mordred's frequent phone calls were beginning to seem a little motherly. "Yeah?" Alex had gotten bored with the almonds and Merlin had sent him upstairs to watch television.
"So...what's the story this time?"
Merlin rolled his eyes, "...I'm just staying for dinner, coming home in a little while. Arthur's girlfriend is coming."
There was a brief silence.
Then Mordred cleared his throat, "...That sounds really wrong."
Merlin couldn't resist another eye roll. "Just because I said 'coming'? You're a sick, twisted bastard."
"Thanks. I feel loved."
"You should." Merlin scoffed. "Seriously."
Mordred drew in a deep breath, "Seriously, you're sounding like Arthur Pendragon's wife. Which is...really disturbing on all counts."
Yeah, it was disturbing to Merlin too, but only because all that had spawned in Mordred's head. "...You should seriously lay off all those stupid reality shows. I can feel your IQ points dropping over the phone. I'm not Arthur's wife."
"Precisely my point." Mordred said, "So why you're bending over for him, I have no idea."
"Just because I'm doing someone a favor does not mean I'm bending over." Mordred was either some kind of genius idiot or an idiot genius. He did 't know which one it was, but the fact that his younger brother (still in his teens!) could relate everything to the context of sex...actually, it was pretty amazing. He was about to say so when the timer beeped.
"Mordred, we'll talk about getting you to a doctor when I get home. For now, I have to go. See you later."
"I so do not need to see a doctor."
"...Yes, you do." Merlin searched the drawer for an oven mitt, but then, even before looking, he supposed it was quite logical for Arthur Pendragon, who never used his kitchen, to not own an oven mitt. In the end, he improvised with a dishtowel. "Your mind seems permanently ODed on sex, and as your big brother, I worry about you."
"Whatever." Mordred hung up.
--
Sophia Tirmore made Merlin...uneasy.
In Merlin's professional opinion, Sophia Tirmore was too young for Arthur. She seemed very much in love with Arthur but when it came down to it, Sophia Tirmore was a bimbo. The last kind of woman that he had thought Arthur would go for, but well, there was that ever dependable 'opposites attract' factor? After all, if Arthur was allergic to women with strong opinions like Morgana, it was perfectly understandable why Arthur would run to the other end of the spectrum and pick a significant other who was obviously not a threat to his intelligence.
She was also a little...possessive, Merlin doubted her hand left Arthur's knee once under the table. And he had to wonder if it was appropriate for Alex to be watching that...but then he remembered that they showed much worse in PG-rated movies.
"So...Merlin, how long have you been working for Arthur?" Sophia asked between dainty bites of chicken.
"...Must have been, oh, I don't know." Merlin gave Arthur a look, and if anything, he thought his employer looked very pained. Hopefully, it wasn't because the food was bad. "How long have I been working for you?"
"Two months," Arthur said, "Give or take."
"Well, I've been working for him over a year now." Sophia told him, a little too proudly, Merlin thought. Being Arthur's secretary was probably a terrible job; but Sophia was too smitten to see it that way. "Since my sophomore year in college."
College. The conversation was quickly grinding to a halt--you'd think Arthur would contribute? since they were dating, but he was too busy distracting himself with the food. Alex looked every bit as sober as his father. Merlin sighed and picked that up, "You're still in college?"
"Yes, I study fashion design." She nodded, "I'm hoping to land an internship in Madrid this summer. Still trying to convince Arthur to come with me."
"Oh."
"I don't know, I can't make up my mind between Madrid or Venice."
Arthur looked even more pained, and Alex stabbed listless at his chicken.
Right. Something was fully dysfunctional here, but he couldn't quite tell what, exactly.
Merlin wondered what working at CamSoft did for somebody doing a major in fashion design. That was anyone's guess. Or perhaps she just wanted a chance to ogle Arthur Pendragon. "Well." He said, voice purposely bright as he rose from the table. "That sounds great. Good luck with that. I'm going to get dessert. Alex, would you like to help me?"
The boy scrambled from his chair. "I helped with dessert, Dad!"
That coaxed Arthur from looking pained to looking pleased, "Really?" He sifted an affectionate hand through his son's hair, "I can't wait to eat it."
Merlin followed Alex into the kitchen and wondered why Sophia hadn't told Arthur to take off his wedding ring.
--
Arthur regretted bringing Sophia home. Because having a normal conversation with her was like pulling teeth, and he was surprised that Merlin handled it so well. But guessing from the people Merlin lived with, he supposed that his au pair would have plenty of practice in the field. He was a little bit ticked at Merlin for rescuing Alex instead of him, though.
Sophia smiled at him and squeezed his knee. Arthur could practically feel the arthritis setting in, "Merlin's a talented cook. The food's great."
"Yeah, he is." Arthur said distractedly.
"He and Alexander seem really close." Sophia continued.
"They are." Arthur supplied unhelpfully, and wished that Merlin and Alex would hurry up.
The pair of them emerged a moment later, Merlin carried three bowls while Alex carried one. Arthur guessed that Merlin had been a busboy sometime in his employment history.
"Here, Dad." Alex said solemnly, setting a spoon in front of Arthur along with the bowl, "Merlin made most of it." He said modestly, "I just helped a little."
Merlin said, "Alex helped a lot."
Alex's face promptly flushed from the compliment and just stared happily at his pudding. Arthur...couldn't help but feel that the night wasn't a complete waste. He made a show of sampling the pudding and found it great. It wasn't hard to act.
"Did you crush the almonds, Alex?"
Alex looked surprised and gratified at the same time. "...Yeah."
"It really adds to the flavor of the pudding." Not that Arthur was much of a food critic. He felt silly saying something straight out of a corny children's movie, but Merlin made it perfectly worthwhile by simply beaming at him across the table.
--
"Shouldn't you be entertaining your girlfriend?" Merlin asked.
Arthur reached for a clean plate and a dishtowel, "Stop that, you're enjoying this way too much." He stood close enough to Merlin so he could feel the trembling of his shoulders, as if he was trying not to laugh. "There's nothing funny about this. She said she had to make some calls." And Alex had escaped upstairs to the solace of a Disney movie.
"I don't think there's anything funny about you looking very constipated during dinner." Merlin managed with a straight face, "Made me think my food was bad."
"...Shut up."
Arthur grabbed the next plate, and Merlin just had the gall to grin at him. "Loosen up, boss, you're so uptight." He turned off the faucet, "I can't see how she puts up with you."
...Merlin really knew how to slap people across the face. Arthur said nothing for a moment.
"I don't think I'm that uptight around you." He said finally, "I'm only uptight around people who make me nervous."
The look on Merlin's face was a slightly bemused one. "I wasn't aware that there were people that could make Arthur Pendragon nervous. Why are you dating a woman that makes you nervous?"
For that, Arthur had no answer.
--
In the end, Arthur drove him home still. Sophia was chattering away on her phone to some Margaret person, and Merlin accepted only because he didn't feel up to taking the bus.
"What did you really think about her?"
Merlin looked away from the window. He had no idea why Arthur was even asking him the question. As if he was seeking permission. Merlin took in a deep breath, "...I didn't think you go for someone like that. In all honesty. I thought...I thought she'd be more, uh." There was no way to make his opinion any less snide, "...more of an intellectual And uh, her preoccupation with your knee.."
"Yeah, so did I." Arthur scoffed, "...Her father was a professor at Princeton a few years back before he turned completely senile. I don't want to talk about my knee."
"Maybe it works in reverse," Merlin suggested, "She's senile now, and when she's an old grandma, she'll be like Einstein or something. Only, you probably won't be around to appreciate it."
Arthur was laughing. It was the first time that Merlin had seen him laugh so hard. His hands were practically shaking on the wheel.
"...Was it...that funny?"
"It's the funniest thing I've heard all day." Arthur looked over at him.
"I wasn't even trying to be funny." Merlin mused, "You have a strange of humor." When Arthur pulled up on the curb, Merlin unbuckled seat belt. More by instinct than anything, he laid a hand on Arthur's shoulder. "Good night and good luck."
"With what?"
"Sophia." Merlin's face said, 'duh.'
"Oh." Arthur shrugged, "I'll probably just drive her home too. But I might have to go hunting for some earplugs before I do that."
And that, for inexplicable reason, was the funniest thing that Merlin had heard all day.