A Gift For FlipFlop_Diva: It's all for show (until it isn't) - Pansy/Ginny
Author: zeddmarker
Recipient: flipflop_diva
Title: It's All for Show (Until It Isn't)
Pairing: Pansy Parkinson/Ginny Weasley
Rating: T (PG-13)
Word Count/Art Medium: 2,495 words
Summary: Thinking they are setting up their two friends to admit their feelings, Ginny and Pansy uncover some feelings of their own.
Author's Notes: -Warning-- Alcohol Consumption/Characters are Drunk
“I think our plan is going to fall together perfectly.” Ginny and Pansy sat at that latter’s kitchen table, looking over their finalized travel plans.
“We still haven’t decided how we actually get them in the same room,” Pansy pointed out. “If we don’t have a good reason, Daphne will just ask to switch and stay in my room.”
Ginny bit her lip in thought. Their ski trip was the upcoming weekend, so they didn’t have an enormous amount of time to cook something up. They would be staying over the weekend in a block of rooms in the chalet. Half of their friend group was coupled up, leaving only the girls single. Draco and Ron would obviously share a room, as well as Harry and Theo. Pansy raised a fair concern when it came to scheming Hermione and Daphne into the same room.
“Let’s tell them that we are together,” Ginny suggested, a lightbulb going off. Pansy gaped. “All we’ll have to do is some light PDA when we’re around the rest of the group. We were planning on sharing a room anyway, right?”
Pansy nodded slowly. Ginny could sense the apprehension, but decided to shake it off.
-
Rivals as they were in school, little bridges began to build between the Slytherins and Gryffindors once they were all out of Hogwarts. Draco and Ginny made fast friends on the training team for the Chudley Cannons-sort of dragging all of the rest of their friends together inadvertently.
Everything had clicked with Pansy within the first summer she and Ginny had been friends. Ginny had invited them all to her birthday party at her apartment that August. When Pansy had arrived, Ginny was already buzzed.
“Pansy flower!” she’d cheered. “Did you know your name is a flower?”
“Oddly enough, I did know.” Pansy had laughed as the girl stumbled into her, throwing an arm around her shoulders.
“Hermione thinks that I’ve been drinking too much,” she said loudly into Pansy’s ear. “How ridiculous is that?”
“Totally mental,” Pansy grinned. She walked Ginny to the couch and sat her down, taking a seat right beside her.
“You’re so pretty.” Ginny put her hand on Pansy’s cheek, summoning a crimson blush. “I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
Frozen, Pansy just stared at the ginger girl. Whatever this confession was, she was confident Ginny wouldn’t remember it. Pansy was even more certain that she, herself, would never forget.
-
“Pans and I have something to tell you lot,” Ginny said, the evening before they were supposed to leave for Switzerland. Everyone had taken a bedroom at Grimmauld Place-where there were enough rooms for single people to have their own-so they could leave for the International Portkey Office together.
The others exchanged looks-namely, Harry and Ron. Ginny grabbed Pansy’s hand in hers to really sell it.
“Ginny and I talked the other night,” Pansy continued for her. “There’s always been something between us. We’ve decided to see where it goes.”
There were whoops and cheers all around, but Ginny’s mind was repeating Pansy’s words. There’s always been something between us. Pansy squeezed her hand and raised her eyebrows at Ginny, silently asking if all was fine. Ginny nodded, pushing down the bubbly feelings that were developing.
“I hope you two don’t mind.” Ginny gestured to Hermione and Daphne, who were sitting next to each other on the other side of the room.
Daphne looked like she was trying to hide a grin as she said, “Of course not.”
“We’ll be fine rooming together,” Hermione added.
-
“Why did we agree to go skiing, again?” Draco groaned as they all sat in the resort lobby that faced the slopes. “None of us even know what we’re doing.”
“Hermione does, apparently,” Harry said, looking over to where Hermione stood at the counter struggling to talk the manager.
“Pansy, will you come help me?” Hermione said suddenly.
Ginny watched her fake-girlfriend nod and approach the desk. She couldn’t help but let her mouth fall open in surprise when Pansy began speaking fluent french.
“Merlin’s beard, Gin, you’re gonna catch flies.” At Ron’s joke, everyone around Ginny burst into laughter. Hermione and Pansy briefly looked over to see the fuss, but ultimately returned to the check-in.
“Shut up.”
“I’m glad you’re finally together,” Harry said earnestly once the laughter had died down. “It was getting to be a little tedious watching your will-they-won’t-they situation play out.”
Ginny felt a blush creep onto her cheeks.
“What do you mean?”
“You two have been flirting for years,” Daphne said. It took everything in Ginny not to fire back with a comment about Daphne and Hermione. It was definitely ironic coming from her.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice?” Theo teased, nudging Ginny in the shoulder. She was sort of embarrassed-not that she had anything to be ashamed of. How was it possible that everyone in their friend group had been anticipating her and Pansy’s relationship?
Ginny had always known she liked girls. She just had enough sense not to chase after anyone who didn’t want her back. Even if she had had a crush on Pansy since she first saw her in first year-it didn’t mean that Pansy had ever or would ever feel the same way.
“We’re all set.” Hermione and Pansy returned, saving Ginny from having to reply. Ginny snaked an arm around Pansy’s waist as they all gathered their things.
“Er, hi,” Pansy stuttered. “Everything alright?”
“Never better.” They were fake dating. Key term-fake. Pansy probably didn’t even think of her that way, so Ginny decided she’d prove that they were only choosing to have chemistry. At the inevitable end of this trip and their charade, they would all be eating crow.
-
Pansy didn’t particularly like athletics very much. She was active enough to keep healthy-basically just taking a walk through the park every other evening. She had only heard of skiing recently, but she didn’t anticipate liking it at all. She was mostly excited to utilize the resort’s hot tub.
“At least come out for one lesson?” Ginny begged. Pansy squirmed, only enough for Ginny to notice. She didn’t think this fake-dating thing would be as difficult as it was turning out to be. Funny how pretending to be in love with someone you are actually in love with can be painful when it’s unrequited behind closed doors. She wasn’t looking forward to when they would retire to their hotel rooms for the night.
She could at least revel in the fact that Ginny’s and her plan was working. They’d only been at the resort an hour, and Hermione and Daphne had hardly left each other’s sides. Pansy hoped that none of this scheming would be in vain.
“I’ll come out there with you and watch one lesson,” Pansy suggested. Ginny rolled her eyes but didn’t put up any more of a fight.
Pansy stood off to the side as the rest of the group was briefed in ski safety. She tried to still absorb the information, but mostly watched Ginny the whole time. She’d put her hair into two french braids whose ends poked out the bottom of her hat. She was wearing a snowsuit in the most radiant shade of emerald Pansy had ever seen, bringing out the rich brown in Ginny’s eyes.
Having resolved to go back to the resort after everyone split off to their different slopes, Pansy made her way toward the ski lift. The view was a welcome distraction from her thoughts.
-
She was reading in the lobby when the others came back later on. There was a buzz around the group as they entered-tired from the combination of the sun and the snow.
“I need to hot tub and shower, like-yesterday,” Ginny mused, coming over and kissing Pansy on top of the head. The others murmured agreements, so they decided to take advantage of the eight-person tub they had seen advertised.
As it turned out, hot tub companies and ski resorts must have all collectively decided to deceive their patrons-the tub in question looked suitable for six people at most.
“It shouldn’t be a problem.” Theo waved off their concerns. He hung his towel and robe on a hook by the door and all but ran to the steps. As they piled in, it ended up being a lap-sitting situation. Pansy caught the look from Daphne before she tentatively sat on Hermione’s lap. Pansy, who hadn’t gotten in yet, nudged Ginny.
That’s when it occurred to her that she, too, would have to sit on a lap in the hot tub. Sure, it was all a charade that wouldn’t mean anything-but that was just it. It was just a charade that wouldn’t mean anything. It was too cold to just hang around on the deck in a swimsuit and robe without being in the hot tub. With a deep breath, Pansy was the last one in.
“I love you all, but I hate that our feet keep touching in the middle.” Daphne scrunched up her nose as Ron made leaned over, deliberately putting his foot on hers. “Ronald!”
When Ginny laughed, Pansy's heart made a flutter. This was only the first day of the trip-- how would she make it the rest of the weekend if she was already in the trenches?
-
After they'd all become raisins in the hot tub, they went their separate ways for the evening. Ginny was still reeling from the incredibly close contact with Pansy and trying to keep her cool.
“If you want, I'll sleep on the couch,” Ginny said, pointing to the pitiful thing in the front section of their room. They had gone through their nighttime routines without much conversation, which Ginny attributed to the long day behind them.
“Don't worry about it,” Pansy said, eyebrows shooting up. “I'll take the couch-you’re the one participating in the winter sports.”
“It's not the olympics, Pans,” Ginny laughed. “We can just share the bed, then? If you're fine with that.”
“I am if you are.”
There was a silence filled only by the whirring of the heater by the window.
“I think our plan is working,” Pansy said after a moment. “You've seen the way those two have been, right?”
“Oh yeah.” Ginny nodded. The pair of them slid under the covers of the King-sized bed. “There will certainly be a love confession by the end of the weekend.”
They laid side by side, both staring up at the ceiling. When Ginny adjusted her position to be more comfortable, their fingers brushed under the covers. She was careful not to move, relishing in the intimacy of the touch. Pansy’s pinky curled itself around Ginny’s, bringing a goofy grin to Ginny’s face.
“Ginny?” Pansy was barely audible. Ginny held her breath. “Do you remember your birthday party four years ago?”
“How could I forget?” Ginny thought about that night a lot. She didn’t know what had gotten into her, but she figured enough time had passed for her to talk about how she’d felt back then. “I was crazy about you-I basically threw that whole party so you’d think I was as cool as I thought you were. I really meant what I said, you know. Ever since I first saw you, I-“
Ginny stopped when she looked over and saw that Pansy had already fallen asleep.
-
The next day was much of the same as the first. They would be going back home the next morning, so they planned to go to the resort’s club that night after everyone was done in the snow-or in Pansy’s case, the cafe.
Pansy didn’t mind being on her own when her friends were on the slopes. They each took long breaks throughout the day, so she usually had someone sitting with her while they warmed up.
By the time everyone was showered and dressed for the evening, though, Pansy was itching for the excitement of being at the pub on a Saturday night. She was really looking forward to the energy of the place-a good atmosphere was her favorite part of being anywhere.
She normally didn’t set out to get drunk, obviously-but Pansy hoped that if she got pissed then maybe it would make it easier for her when it came time to sleep next to Ginny again that night. The PDA was one thing-Pansy knew exactly what she was supposed to feel about that. She and Ginny hadn’t talked about what it meant to fall asleep holding pinkies.
“We are starting with shots-no exceptions!” Harry shouted when they entered the crowded club. Ginny stuck a finger through Pansy’s back belt loop to stay connected as they cut through the masses.
After her fourth shot in two hours, Pansy ordered a Gold Royale to sip for the rest of the night-thanking the stars they had all performed anti-hangover charms before going out. It had been a while since she had been this drunk but, on the bright side, she was no longer concerned about minding her words.
-
“Alright, Pans?” Ginny asked, holding back laughter. Her friend in question was in danger of wobbling off her barstool-the consequence of taking three shots in the first hour and a fourth in the second. Ginny placed her hands on either of Pansy’s arms, realizing that she wasn’t really in a much better state, herself.
“No.” Pansy shook her head. With surprising agility, she hopped down from her seat and made for the sliding glass door to the patio.
“Wait!” Ginny followed as well as she could, managing to catch Pansy’s arm when they were in the middle of the dance floor. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is that I can’t stop thinking about something you said to me years ago, and you don’t even remember it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” Pansy pulled her arm from Ginny’s grasp, but Ginny was too quick at catching her hand.
“I remember it,” Ginny said. Whether it was the liquor, the moment, or the buildup of the weekend pretending, Ginny couldn’t stop herself. “I thought you wanted me to forget it, though.”
“Why would I want that when it’s all I’ve thought about since?”
“I thought you were rejecting me by not bringing it up again,” Ginny said. “And I reckon you pretended to fall asleep last night when I broached the subject again.”
“There was no pretending!” Pansy exclaimed. “The only pretending I’ve done with you all weekend is calling what I feel for you fake.”
Ginny didn’t think she could hear anything else in the room in that moment. All she heard was her heart and Pansy’s falling in line. They both held their breath. In a split second, Ginny pulled her in and kissed her, throwing any of her past hesitations out the window.
Recipient: flipflop_diva
Title: It's All for Show (Until It Isn't)
Pairing: Pansy Parkinson/Ginny Weasley
Rating: T (PG-13)
Word Count/Art Medium: 2,495 words
Summary: Thinking they are setting up their two friends to admit their feelings, Ginny and Pansy uncover some feelings of their own.
Author's Notes: -Warning-- Alcohol Consumption/Characters are Drunk
“I think our plan is going to fall together perfectly.” Ginny and Pansy sat at that latter’s kitchen table, looking over their finalized travel plans.
“We still haven’t decided how we actually get them in the same room,” Pansy pointed out. “If we don’t have a good reason, Daphne will just ask to switch and stay in my room.”
Ginny bit her lip in thought. Their ski trip was the upcoming weekend, so they didn’t have an enormous amount of time to cook something up. They would be staying over the weekend in a block of rooms in the chalet. Half of their friend group was coupled up, leaving only the girls single. Draco and Ron would obviously share a room, as well as Harry and Theo. Pansy raised a fair concern when it came to scheming Hermione and Daphne into the same room.
“Let’s tell them that we are together,” Ginny suggested, a lightbulb going off. Pansy gaped. “All we’ll have to do is some light PDA when we’re around the rest of the group. We were planning on sharing a room anyway, right?”
Pansy nodded slowly. Ginny could sense the apprehension, but decided to shake it off.
-
Rivals as they were in school, little bridges began to build between the Slytherins and Gryffindors once they were all out of Hogwarts. Draco and Ginny made fast friends on the training team for the Chudley Cannons-sort of dragging all of the rest of their friends together inadvertently.
Everything had clicked with Pansy within the first summer she and Ginny had been friends. Ginny had invited them all to her birthday party at her apartment that August. When Pansy had arrived, Ginny was already buzzed.
“Pansy flower!” she’d cheered. “Did you know your name is a flower?”
“Oddly enough, I did know.” Pansy had laughed as the girl stumbled into her, throwing an arm around her shoulders.
“Hermione thinks that I’ve been drinking too much,” she said loudly into Pansy’s ear. “How ridiculous is that?”
“Totally mental,” Pansy grinned. She walked Ginny to the couch and sat her down, taking a seat right beside her.
“You’re so pretty.” Ginny put her hand on Pansy’s cheek, summoning a crimson blush. “I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
Frozen, Pansy just stared at the ginger girl. Whatever this confession was, she was confident Ginny wouldn’t remember it. Pansy was even more certain that she, herself, would never forget.
-
“Pans and I have something to tell you lot,” Ginny said, the evening before they were supposed to leave for Switzerland. Everyone had taken a bedroom at Grimmauld Place-where there were enough rooms for single people to have their own-so they could leave for the International Portkey Office together.
The others exchanged looks-namely, Harry and Ron. Ginny grabbed Pansy’s hand in hers to really sell it.
“Ginny and I talked the other night,” Pansy continued for her. “There’s always been something between us. We’ve decided to see where it goes.”
There were whoops and cheers all around, but Ginny’s mind was repeating Pansy’s words. There’s always been something between us. Pansy squeezed her hand and raised her eyebrows at Ginny, silently asking if all was fine. Ginny nodded, pushing down the bubbly feelings that were developing.
“I hope you two don’t mind.” Ginny gestured to Hermione and Daphne, who were sitting next to each other on the other side of the room.
Daphne looked like she was trying to hide a grin as she said, “Of course not.”
“We’ll be fine rooming together,” Hermione added.
-
“Why did we agree to go skiing, again?” Draco groaned as they all sat in the resort lobby that faced the slopes. “None of us even know what we’re doing.”
“Hermione does, apparently,” Harry said, looking over to where Hermione stood at the counter struggling to talk the manager.
“Pansy, will you come help me?” Hermione said suddenly.
Ginny watched her fake-girlfriend nod and approach the desk. She couldn’t help but let her mouth fall open in surprise when Pansy began speaking fluent french.
“Merlin’s beard, Gin, you’re gonna catch flies.” At Ron’s joke, everyone around Ginny burst into laughter. Hermione and Pansy briefly looked over to see the fuss, but ultimately returned to the check-in.
“Shut up.”
“I’m glad you’re finally together,” Harry said earnestly once the laughter had died down. “It was getting to be a little tedious watching your will-they-won’t-they situation play out.”
Ginny felt a blush creep onto her cheeks.
“What do you mean?”
“You two have been flirting for years,” Daphne said. It took everything in Ginny not to fire back with a comment about Daphne and Hermione. It was definitely ironic coming from her.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t notice?” Theo teased, nudging Ginny in the shoulder. She was sort of embarrassed-not that she had anything to be ashamed of. How was it possible that everyone in their friend group had been anticipating her and Pansy’s relationship?
Ginny had always known she liked girls. She just had enough sense not to chase after anyone who didn’t want her back. Even if she had had a crush on Pansy since she first saw her in first year-it didn’t mean that Pansy had ever or would ever feel the same way.
“We’re all set.” Hermione and Pansy returned, saving Ginny from having to reply. Ginny snaked an arm around Pansy’s waist as they all gathered their things.
“Er, hi,” Pansy stuttered. “Everything alright?”
“Never better.” They were fake dating. Key term-fake. Pansy probably didn’t even think of her that way, so Ginny decided she’d prove that they were only choosing to have chemistry. At the inevitable end of this trip and their charade, they would all be eating crow.
-
Pansy didn’t particularly like athletics very much. She was active enough to keep healthy-basically just taking a walk through the park every other evening. She had only heard of skiing recently, but she didn’t anticipate liking it at all. She was mostly excited to utilize the resort’s hot tub.
“At least come out for one lesson?” Ginny begged. Pansy squirmed, only enough for Ginny to notice. She didn’t think this fake-dating thing would be as difficult as it was turning out to be. Funny how pretending to be in love with someone you are actually in love with can be painful when it’s unrequited behind closed doors. She wasn’t looking forward to when they would retire to their hotel rooms for the night.
She could at least revel in the fact that Ginny’s and her plan was working. They’d only been at the resort an hour, and Hermione and Daphne had hardly left each other’s sides. Pansy hoped that none of this scheming would be in vain.
“I’ll come out there with you and watch one lesson,” Pansy suggested. Ginny rolled her eyes but didn’t put up any more of a fight.
Pansy stood off to the side as the rest of the group was briefed in ski safety. She tried to still absorb the information, but mostly watched Ginny the whole time. She’d put her hair into two french braids whose ends poked out the bottom of her hat. She was wearing a snowsuit in the most radiant shade of emerald Pansy had ever seen, bringing out the rich brown in Ginny’s eyes.
Having resolved to go back to the resort after everyone split off to their different slopes, Pansy made her way toward the ski lift. The view was a welcome distraction from her thoughts.
-
She was reading in the lobby when the others came back later on. There was a buzz around the group as they entered-tired from the combination of the sun and the snow.
“I need to hot tub and shower, like-yesterday,” Ginny mused, coming over and kissing Pansy on top of the head. The others murmured agreements, so they decided to take advantage of the eight-person tub they had seen advertised.
As it turned out, hot tub companies and ski resorts must have all collectively decided to deceive their patrons-the tub in question looked suitable for six people at most.
“It shouldn’t be a problem.” Theo waved off their concerns. He hung his towel and robe on a hook by the door and all but ran to the steps. As they piled in, it ended up being a lap-sitting situation. Pansy caught the look from Daphne before she tentatively sat on Hermione’s lap. Pansy, who hadn’t gotten in yet, nudged Ginny.
That’s when it occurred to her that she, too, would have to sit on a lap in the hot tub. Sure, it was all a charade that wouldn’t mean anything-but that was just it. It was just a charade that wouldn’t mean anything. It was too cold to just hang around on the deck in a swimsuit and robe without being in the hot tub. With a deep breath, Pansy was the last one in.
“I love you all, but I hate that our feet keep touching in the middle.” Daphne scrunched up her nose as Ron made leaned over, deliberately putting his foot on hers. “Ronald!”
When Ginny laughed, Pansy's heart made a flutter. This was only the first day of the trip-- how would she make it the rest of the weekend if she was already in the trenches?
-
After they'd all become raisins in the hot tub, they went their separate ways for the evening. Ginny was still reeling from the incredibly close contact with Pansy and trying to keep her cool.
“If you want, I'll sleep on the couch,” Ginny said, pointing to the pitiful thing in the front section of their room. They had gone through their nighttime routines without much conversation, which Ginny attributed to the long day behind them.
“Don't worry about it,” Pansy said, eyebrows shooting up. “I'll take the couch-you’re the one participating in the winter sports.”
“It's not the olympics, Pans,” Ginny laughed. “We can just share the bed, then? If you're fine with that.”
“I am if you are.”
There was a silence filled only by the whirring of the heater by the window.
“I think our plan is working,” Pansy said after a moment. “You've seen the way those two have been, right?”
“Oh yeah.” Ginny nodded. The pair of them slid under the covers of the King-sized bed. “There will certainly be a love confession by the end of the weekend.”
They laid side by side, both staring up at the ceiling. When Ginny adjusted her position to be more comfortable, their fingers brushed under the covers. She was careful not to move, relishing in the intimacy of the touch. Pansy’s pinky curled itself around Ginny’s, bringing a goofy grin to Ginny’s face.
“Ginny?” Pansy was barely audible. Ginny held her breath. “Do you remember your birthday party four years ago?”
“How could I forget?” Ginny thought about that night a lot. She didn’t know what had gotten into her, but she figured enough time had passed for her to talk about how she’d felt back then. “I was crazy about you-I basically threw that whole party so you’d think I was as cool as I thought you were. I really meant what I said, you know. Ever since I first saw you, I-“
Ginny stopped when she looked over and saw that Pansy had already fallen asleep.
-
The next day was much of the same as the first. They would be going back home the next morning, so they planned to go to the resort’s club that night after everyone was done in the snow-or in Pansy’s case, the cafe.
Pansy didn’t mind being on her own when her friends were on the slopes. They each took long breaks throughout the day, so she usually had someone sitting with her while they warmed up.
By the time everyone was showered and dressed for the evening, though, Pansy was itching for the excitement of being at the pub on a Saturday night. She was really looking forward to the energy of the place-a good atmosphere was her favorite part of being anywhere.
She normally didn’t set out to get drunk, obviously-but Pansy hoped that if she got pissed then maybe it would make it easier for her when it came time to sleep next to Ginny again that night. The PDA was one thing-Pansy knew exactly what she was supposed to feel about that. She and Ginny hadn’t talked about what it meant to fall asleep holding pinkies.
“We are starting with shots-no exceptions!” Harry shouted when they entered the crowded club. Ginny stuck a finger through Pansy’s back belt loop to stay connected as they cut through the masses.
After her fourth shot in two hours, Pansy ordered a Gold Royale to sip for the rest of the night-thanking the stars they had all performed anti-hangover charms before going out. It had been a while since she had been this drunk but, on the bright side, she was no longer concerned about minding her words.
-
“Alright, Pans?” Ginny asked, holding back laughter. Her friend in question was in danger of wobbling off her barstool-the consequence of taking three shots in the first hour and a fourth in the second. Ginny placed her hands on either of Pansy’s arms, realizing that she wasn’t really in a much better state, herself.
“No.” Pansy shook her head. With surprising agility, she hopped down from her seat and made for the sliding glass door to the patio.
“Wait!” Ginny followed as well as she could, managing to catch Pansy’s arm when they were in the middle of the dance floor. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is that I can’t stop thinking about something you said to me years ago, and you don’t even remember it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t want to talk about this.” Pansy pulled her arm from Ginny’s grasp, but Ginny was too quick at catching her hand.
“I remember it,” Ginny said. Whether it was the liquor, the moment, or the buildup of the weekend pretending, Ginny couldn’t stop herself. “I thought you wanted me to forget it, though.”
“Why would I want that when it’s all I’ve thought about since?”
“I thought you were rejecting me by not bringing it up again,” Ginny said. “And I reckon you pretended to fall asleep last night when I broached the subject again.”
“There was no pretending!” Pansy exclaimed. “The only pretending I’ve done with you all weekend is calling what I feel for you fake.”
Ginny didn’t think she could hear anything else in the room in that moment. All she heard was her heart and Pansy’s falling in line. They both held their breath. In a split second, Ginny pulled her in and kissed her, throwing any of her past hesitations out the window.