WISHLISTS: Love, Luna (Luna/Dudley)
Author: a_gypsys_dance
Recipient: phil_urich
Title: Love, Luna
Character Pairing: Luna Lovegood/Dudley Dursley
Prompt: epistolary stories
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1107
Summary: An exchange of letters between Luna, Dudley, Harry and Ginny, during which Harry becomes disgusted, Ginny can’t stop laughing, and Luna and Dudley get very well acquainted. Humor, fluff, romance.
Author's Notes: I never would have thought I’d pair my favorite character with one so canonically reviled. But there is always redemption for Dudley!
Dear Luna,
I’ve been meaning to write you for a while. How are you? I’ve heard you’re off in the Swiss Alps looking for Merlin knows what a previously-undiscovered magical species. That sounds exciting. I’m doing well, but Auror training is rather rough. Listen, I’m having something of a get-together at 12 Grimmauld Place, in London, next Saturday afternoon. Ron and Hermione are coming for sure. Ginny and George will probably be there. And my cousin, Dudley. I thought it couldn’t get any more awkward, so I’d really like it if you could come, too.
Harry
Dear Harry,
Of course I will come to your party. Is formal wear required? Never mind, I will ask Ginny. She has advised me in the past not to ask boys about fashion.
I’m certain that I’m very close to the Crumple-Horned Snorkack’s breeding grounds. I can’t wait to be able to share this knowledge with the Wizarding world. Most of them aren’t as open as you, Harry. “Previously-undiscovered” is what Ginny would say is a very tactful wording, when other people would just say “fake.”
I’d so like to meet your cousin, Dudley. Shall I bring anything?
Respectfully,
Luna
Dear Luna,
Hello, love! Formal wear is certainly not required. Wear whatever you’d like! Don’t make it too magical, though, because Harry says Dudley is very sensitive. Apparently his parents are great gits about magic, so the poor boy is rather scarred.
Kreacher is taking care of all the food. Ron says just to bring your brilliant sense of humor.
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
I will try to remember to bring all of my senses.
Love,
Luna
Dear Ginny,
I’m writing you from Harry’s bedroom, which is where he seems to keep his quills and parchment. You should really tell him to clean up, because between the owl droppings, the underpants, and the leftover bits of food, it is starting to stink in here.
Will you please ask Dudley for his owl address before he leaves? I would ask him myself, but he doesn’t seem to want to carry on a conversation with me. He doesn’t even know what a Kneazle is, much less a Blibbering Humdinger, and shrinks away when I peer too closely at him.
He’s very handsome though, don’t you think? I like my men big and burly. Is it true he’s a boxing champion? I’d very much like to see one of his matches.
Eagerly,
Luna
Luna,
Ginny can’t stop laughing long enough to write you back. Please leave my room and rejoin the party. Dudley doesn’t have an owl or an owl address, as he’s a Muggle, you know, but I can certainly give you his Muggle mailing address.
Harry
Dear Harry,
I’m ever so upset that I missed whatever joke caused Ginny that laughing fit. I’ll be right out as soon as I finish penning this.
Distractedly,
Luna
Dear Luna,
Attached are two tickets to Dudley’s next match. It’s Monday night. I’ve got Quidditch practice, so I can’t make it, but maybe you could get Harry to go with you? Harry doesn’t know Dudley’s address, because he’s a lousy cousin, but his parents’ is:
4 Privet Drive
Little Whinging
Surrey
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
Thank you so much for the address and the tickets. Harry seems to be upset over my intrusion into his bedroom the other day, but maybe I can get Aberforth to go with me. He seems like the kind of wizard who’d like to see a good fight, don’t you think?
Your good friend,
Luna
Dear Luna,
How was the fight? Did you get Aberforth to go with you? I didn’t know you two kept in contact. Let me know how things go with Dudley.
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
The fight was exhilarating. Dudley won, of course. He’s very strong. Aberforth and I haven’t been in contact. But he couldn’t come, as he had to groom his goats. Instead, I went alone, which turned out to be a very good thing, as I was able to get Dudley alone after the fight. He lifted me up and -
Oh, he’s waking up now. I will tell you more about it over lunch today.
Lustily,
Luna
Dear Luna,
I still can’t believe you and Dudley shagged! Apparently Harry got a telly-fone call from him while we were at lunch, asking about the magical world. I think you’ve made quite an impact on him!
Love,
Ginny
Dear Dudley,
I’ve just read in a Muggle women’s magazine that you should wait three days before you contact somebody you are interested in seeing again. Let me know if this is what you expect, and I will talk to you again in two and a half days. I’m dropping this in your mailbox right now because I don’t know how to use a stamp, so the time will still be current when you read it.
Expectantly,
Luna
Dear Luna,
My parents were really alarmed that I was getting mail from a strange witch. My mum’s lips just about disappeared, and I thought my father’s head was going to explode. You’re lucky I’ve been staying with them while my flat was renovated, or I probably would never have gotten your letter.
I think you may be the oddest bird I’ve ever dated. You don’t have to wait to contact me. In fact, want to see a movie Saturday night? My treat, of course.
Dudley
Dear Dudley,
Yes, please. I’ve never been to a Muggle cinema. I hope your parents weren’t too upset about me. It’s rather too early to be making such a negative impression. I’ll Apparate to your house at 5 on Saturday.
Worriedly,
Luna
Dear Harry,
I used to think your magic was the worst thing in the world - my parents’ teaching, I suppose. But Luna used her bloody wand to make all of her clothes disappear at once when we got back to her place - now that’s magic. She’s a bit mad, eh? Just the way I like it!
Dudley
Dear Dudley,
Harry’s currently retching at the thought of you and Luna shagging. I think it’s brilliant! I hope we see you two again soon.
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
Oh dear, I hope we didn’t make Harry too ill. I expect we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, but not for at least a week, because Dudley’s staying with me. I’ve taken it off work and he’s got no matches, so we’re going to shag away the next several days. Perhaps we’ll emerge for mealtimes, but more likely we’ll just order take-away. Let’s plan for the week after.
Ta for the foreseeable future,
Luna
Recipient: phil_urich
Title: Love, Luna
Character Pairing: Luna Lovegood/Dudley Dursley
Prompt: epistolary stories
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1107
Summary: An exchange of letters between Luna, Dudley, Harry and Ginny, during which Harry becomes disgusted, Ginny can’t stop laughing, and Luna and Dudley get very well acquainted. Humor, fluff, romance.
Author's Notes: I never would have thought I’d pair my favorite character with one so canonically reviled. But there is always redemption for Dudley!
Dear Luna,
I’ve been meaning to write you for a while. How are you? I’ve heard you’re off in the Swiss Alps looking for Merlin knows what a previously-undiscovered magical species. That sounds exciting. I’m doing well, but Auror training is rather rough. Listen, I’m having something of a get-together at 12 Grimmauld Place, in London, next Saturday afternoon. Ron and Hermione are coming for sure. Ginny and George will probably be there. And my cousin, Dudley. I thought it couldn’t get any more awkward, so I’d really like it if you could come, too.
Harry
Dear Harry,
Of course I will come to your party. Is formal wear required? Never mind, I will ask Ginny. She has advised me in the past not to ask boys about fashion.
I’m certain that I’m very close to the Crumple-Horned Snorkack’s breeding grounds. I can’t wait to be able to share this knowledge with the Wizarding world. Most of them aren’t as open as you, Harry. “Previously-undiscovered” is what Ginny would say is a very tactful wording, when other people would just say “fake.”
I’d so like to meet your cousin, Dudley. Shall I bring anything?
Respectfully,
Luna
Dear Luna,
Hello, love! Formal wear is certainly not required. Wear whatever you’d like! Don’t make it too magical, though, because Harry says Dudley is very sensitive. Apparently his parents are great gits about magic, so the poor boy is rather scarred.
Kreacher is taking care of all the food. Ron says just to bring your brilliant sense of humor.
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
I will try to remember to bring all of my senses.
Love,
Luna
Dear Ginny,
I’m writing you from Harry’s bedroom, which is where he seems to keep his quills and parchment. You should really tell him to clean up, because between the owl droppings, the underpants, and the leftover bits of food, it is starting to stink in here.
Will you please ask Dudley for his owl address before he leaves? I would ask him myself, but he doesn’t seem to want to carry on a conversation with me. He doesn’t even know what a Kneazle is, much less a Blibbering Humdinger, and shrinks away when I peer too closely at him.
He’s very handsome though, don’t you think? I like my men big and burly. Is it true he’s a boxing champion? I’d very much like to see one of his matches.
Eagerly,
Luna
Luna,
Ginny can’t stop laughing long enough to write you back. Please leave my room and rejoin the party. Dudley doesn’t have an owl or an owl address, as he’s a Muggle, you know, but I can certainly give you his Muggle mailing address.
Harry
Dear Harry,
I’m ever so upset that I missed whatever joke caused Ginny that laughing fit. I’ll be right out as soon as I finish penning this.
Distractedly,
Luna
Dear Luna,
Attached are two tickets to Dudley’s next match. It’s Monday night. I’ve got Quidditch practice, so I can’t make it, but maybe you could get Harry to go with you? Harry doesn’t know Dudley’s address, because he’s a lousy cousin, but his parents’ is:
4 Privet Drive
Little Whinging
Surrey
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
Thank you so much for the address and the tickets. Harry seems to be upset over my intrusion into his bedroom the other day, but maybe I can get Aberforth to go with me. He seems like the kind of wizard who’d like to see a good fight, don’t you think?
Your good friend,
Luna
Dear Luna,
How was the fight? Did you get Aberforth to go with you? I didn’t know you two kept in contact. Let me know how things go with Dudley.
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
The fight was exhilarating. Dudley won, of course. He’s very strong. Aberforth and I haven’t been in contact. But he couldn’t come, as he had to groom his goats. Instead, I went alone, which turned out to be a very good thing, as I was able to get Dudley alone after the fight. He lifted me up and -
Oh, he’s waking up now. I will tell you more about it over lunch today.
Lustily,
Luna
Dear Luna,
I still can’t believe you and Dudley shagged! Apparently Harry got a telly-fone call from him while we were at lunch, asking about the magical world. I think you’ve made quite an impact on him!
Love,
Ginny
Dear Dudley,
I’ve just read in a Muggle women’s magazine that you should wait three days before you contact somebody you are interested in seeing again. Let me know if this is what you expect, and I will talk to you again in two and a half days. I’m dropping this in your mailbox right now because I don’t know how to use a stamp, so the time will still be current when you read it.
Expectantly,
Luna
Dear Luna,
My parents were really alarmed that I was getting mail from a strange witch. My mum’s lips just about disappeared, and I thought my father’s head was going to explode. You’re lucky I’ve been staying with them while my flat was renovated, or I probably would never have gotten your letter.
I think you may be the oddest bird I’ve ever dated. You don’t have to wait to contact me. In fact, want to see a movie Saturday night? My treat, of course.
Dudley
Dear Dudley,
Yes, please. I’ve never been to a Muggle cinema. I hope your parents weren’t too upset about me. It’s rather too early to be making such a negative impression. I’ll Apparate to your house at 5 on Saturday.
Worriedly,
Luna
Dear Harry,
I used to think your magic was the worst thing in the world - my parents’ teaching, I suppose. But Luna used her bloody wand to make all of her clothes disappear at once when we got back to her place - now that’s magic. She’s a bit mad, eh? Just the way I like it!
Dudley
Dear Dudley,
Harry’s currently retching at the thought of you and Luna shagging. I think it’s brilliant! I hope we see you two again soon.
Love,
Ginny
Dear Ginny,
Oh dear, I hope we didn’t make Harry too ill. I expect we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, but not for at least a week, because Dudley’s staying with me. I’ve taken it off work and he’s got no matches, so we’re going to shag away the next several days. Perhaps we’ll emerge for mealtimes, but more likely we’ll just order take-away. Let’s plan for the week after.
Ta for the foreseeable future,
Luna