(no subject)
I have about twenty tabs open in Firefox (literally) and am ridiculously behind on comments, but, uh, have some ficlets I wrote for the summerpornathon? All Merlin/Arthur, obviously, ~750 words each. :D
Written for the dialogue-only challenge.
“Merlin.”
“Yes, Arthur?”
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?”
“Er. You have a very shiny plumage, sire?”
“…”
“And, oh, my, what big eyes you have.”
“Merlin - ”
“No, really, I think I can see myself in them. Hey, is that a - ”
“Merlin, - ”
~
“Well, I did think that wine tasted a bit funny.”
“ …You do realise you’re not actually supposed to drink my wine, don’t you?”
“Yes, I see that now. Lots of people don’t seem to like you very much. Can’t imagine why.”
“Yes, and I can’t imagine how you’d end up in the stocks for a week or where the villagers would get quite that stock of potatoes.”
“You’d get bored without me.”
“Well, I might feel compelled to dress up as a villager and pay you a visit to mend my broken heart.”
~
“… This is clearly the work of sorcery. I don’t suppose there are any sorcerers in your family, are there? Because only someone with your limited faculties would come up with the idea of turning me into an owl.”
“Well, I suppose we could’ve been pigeons. Then we’d probably be served at dinner tomorrow.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin, I always get served at dinner. Speaking of which, I’m starving. Go and find me some food. And something to drink, while you’re at it.”
~
“ … What are you doing?”
“I’m sharpening my claws, what does it look like?”
“All right, sire, why are you sharpening your toes, then?”
“So that I can scratch your stupid owly eyes out, Merlin.”
“…”
“So that I can defend myself should anyone come in and think we’re a bit of fun prey, you idiot. Although the other option might relieve some of this tension.”
“I’d be terrible at shining your armour while blind.”
“Oh, good, no one should notice the difference, then.”
~
“I ran into Gaius. He cooed at me.”
“…”
“And then tried to get me to drink a suspicious looking liquid.”
“Oh, right. I think he mentioned needing owl talons for one of his cures.”
“He - what?”
“Er. I’ve generally found it a good idea to stay away from Gaius once he starts cooing, sire.”
~
“Well, I’m bigger than you.”
“No. No, you are not.”
“… You’re standing on your toes.”
“Shut up, Merlin.”
~
“I would just like to make it perfectly clear that as soon as we’re in our own bodies again, I’m going to beat you with a stick. A very sharp, pointy, vicious stick.”
“Of course, sire. Bit of rat?”
~
“What’re you - did you just - on my dresser?”
“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”
“That’s - that’s disgusting, Merlin.”
“Look, I said I was sorry, all right? Keep your fluffy feathers on.”
“That’s an heirloom from my great-grandfather.”
~
“Would you stop shuffling around? You don’t have lice, do you?”
“Ugh. No. Don’t think so, anyway.”
“Well, then, keep still. You’re the one who wanted a nap.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Merlin. What is it?”
“Nothing, sire.”
“…”
“…”
“Merlin.”
“Sorry.”
“I will beat you.”
“No offence, but I - ”
“I will peck your eyes out. You look ridiculously slow.”
“… What is it with you and my eyes?”
“They’re golden.”
“Er.”
“Easy target.”
~
“Um.”
“Yes?”
“Just. Out of curiosity. It’s not mating season for owls, is it?”
“What?”
“You really do have a very shiny plumage. Sire.”
~
“I realise your brain just shrank to the size of one of those coat-buttons you can never be bothered to polish properly, but really, how much difference could it make?”
“Hey!”
“I’ve turned into an owl, Merlin, not a girl. However difficult the distinction may be to you.”
“ …You’ll do in a pinch.”
~
“Skrflhoooooh.”
“Would you still transform back if you were dead? Hm. I suppose Morgana would be very annoying about it.”
~
“Sit. Still.”
~
“Stick. Pointy. Sharp.”
~
“Oh, for - go on, then, get a move on.”
~
“Hoo. Hoo. Hooo.”
“… Hoo?”
“Hoo. Hoooo. Hooooo. Wooohoooo!”
~
“Did. Did you just - ?”
“… Oops?”
“…”
“On the bright side, the spell only lasted for a few hours?”
“What’re you - ?”
“Er. Cleaning up my mess, sire?”
“With your tongue?”
“You know, I could swear your prick doesn’t usually stand up like that under normal circumstances.”
“…”
“Seems only fair I fix the problem I caused, don’t you think? Hmmm.”
“ - Hgnuh?”
“We should try for pigs next time, they seem to have a lot of fun.”
“I’ll. Be sure to - send a note - to all sorcerers - right away. Fuck, - ”
Written for the bonus challenge: sex in a strange place.
A Hero Lies In You.
In the year 2073, on a day coddled by warm sunlight and friendly laughter, Mary slips away from her parents, wanders into the woods, giggling, running after the playful butterfly that had wanted to share her lunch.
When the world shifts, there is no sudden lurch, no tremor that would send her to her knees.
She blinks; when she opens her eyes, she’s in a cave.
She shivers.
~
They tell her there was no magic, no monster (liar, liar), that the cells in her brain are to blame. They tell her the cells - row upon row of them - carry messages through her mind, her body, whispering them to each other across small chasms like an endless game of Telephone. Except some of them aren’t whispering, they’re shouting, loud and fast. That’s what confused the rest of your brain cells, you see, dear?
It’s all right, love, we’re going to tell them to be quiet.
Mary (who gets shushed about thirty times a day) stomps her foot and tells them they’re her little cells, thank you very much, and if they want to have some fun, then let them.
~
Arthur is not well pleased. He was just having a nice nap when Merlin started rubbing against him. Again. He wonders at the fact that anyone could be quite this obnoxious and regrets, not for the first time, that he didn’t push Merlin away with more conviction when he had the chance. But he was still in his differentiation stage himself, back then; he remembers being only vaguely aware of the other cell, until suddenly a dendrite was shoved (quite rudely) into his personal space. Then he really saw, tendrils fanning out across the gulf between them, grown abnormally long just so they could reach Arthur, who was annoyed and not impressed at all.
He pointedly refused to speak to the intruder, as a matter of fact, rather more interested in the pretty cell to his right, which was growing towards him with slightly less enthusiasm (but one did not pay attention to such trifling details).
And then there was a touch to one of his terminals - and Arthur, Arthur may have been confused for a moment. Who wouldn’t have been, what with Merlin’s sudden, idiotic chatter, electric charges running over Arthur’s membrane, making him shiver all over. By the time he recovered enough to tell Merlin to keep his paws to himself, the connection between them had already settled. Idiot, Arthur groused. Merlin telegraphed four letters back, spat them carefully into Arthur’s body, over and over again, until Arthur was trembling (with anger, of course).
Now, though, Merlin’s mouthing electric kisses, which Arthur can never quite resist, across the tiny spot. He can feel Merlin smirking as Arthur’s foul mood ebbs away; he presses back, kisses wet and open, and Merlin moans. It’s easy, this, so easy and familiar, Merlin jerking against him, increasingly desperate charges flowing between them, and after a while he can’t help it: he opens his ion channels wide while Merlin hums into his body, happy and smiling, and oh. Oh. Arthur can feel the tension in him mounting, snapping his axon taut and making his terminals itch, floating in the empty space between them, and then Merlin’s next charge hits him, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, and the wave crests through him, wiping his mind completely blank as his release fires from him in bursts.
He can feel Merlin opening his receptors wide to welcome it, savouring every tiny molecule as he groans into Arthur’s body, tightening; Arthur shouts yes, fuck, Merlin, and then Merlin is shuddering, coming and coming and coming, and it’s all Arthur can do not to rip himself lose from the cells around him to wrap himself around Merlin - kisses him lazily instead.
~
It’s a new treatment, they tell her, it’ll break the connection between the misbehaving cells, see? So they can’t be naughty anymore.
Like when me and Ellen talk too much in class and Miss makes us sit apart?
Yes, like that, they smile.
Mary decides she doesn’t like this treatment at all.
[THE WOEFULLY TRAGIC END.]
Well, until the year 2208, when they are reborn in the brain of an arsehole dictator with a penchant for world domination and a dead physician. Arthur and Merlin enthusiastically make the evil man black out at a rather inconvenient moment, and he spends the rest of his life rotting in a cell, where they ‘forget’ to treat him.
And they live happily ever after.
(Until he dies, anyway.)
Written for the first time challenge. WARNING: implied non-con (though probably not the way you're imagining...)
When the spell lifts, Merlin takes what seems like his first breath in a very long time.
It takes a little longer for his limbs to feel like his own again, and the world tilts around him when he stands up.
~
Gaius figures out he lost over three months.
Three months.
And no one noticed.
~
He doesn’t (want to?) remember.
He remembers Nimueh - not dead, fuck, he wants to kill her all over again, make it hurt this time, drag it out - remembers the agony in his head, scorching hooks sinking in, fire travelling by blood, down, down, burning all the way to his toes as the spell took hold.
Oh, Merlin, you are going to bring Arthur Pendragon right down to his knees.
and
We’ll rule the world together after all, you and I.
and
I have feeling that for you, he will crawl.
~
The first time he sees Arthur again, there’s a funny taste in Merlin’s mouth; he keeps swallowing. Arthur’s sitting next to his father, looking healthy, if supremely bored and annoyed. So, of course, he ends up sending Merlin on the most ridiculous errands, like the insufferable fucking prat Merlin knows he is.
~
Arthur claps him on the back, says,
‘Well, I can honestly say that was the most pathetic performance I have ever had the pleasure to witness. Well done, Merlin.’
and doesn’t take his hand away.
Merlin’s throat hurts; it’s all he can do not to hit the crossbow over Arthur’s head.
~
Merlin dreams of Ealdor. He dreams of wide open fields, of his mother and Will and, somehow, the pig’s trough. If he dreams of Arthur, too, of things that would never happen between them, well, dreams are funny that way.
~
The first time Arthur rests both his hands on Merlin’s hips, he’s so shocked he lets Arthur lick the corner of his mouth. His hands come up to push Arthur away, mouth brimming with a horrified No, when Arthur pulls back and smiles at him, eyes bright.
And it’s, it’s open and trusting, familiar and - happy? - and there’s a knock at the door.
Arthur’s face shutters, and Merlin tries to breathe again.
~
Merlin finds one hundred and fifty three tiny holes in his ceiling, but not a single sentence to explain what happened to Arthur without destroying everything between them.
~
The armoury wall feels cold against his cheek, but it’s nothing compared to the heat of Arthur all the way down his back. His mind is scrambling for an excuse, quick, anything, and Arthur says lightly, ‘Are you all right?’ before nuzzling into the side of Merlin’s neck and - what the hell? - biting gently along Merlin’s ear.
‘Where were you this morning?’
‘I. The king. The king asked me to - Yeah. Sorry.’
And he gets the hell out of there.
~
Merlin’s skin itches all over; he wonders if this is what it feels like to be helpless. He thinks he might be losing his mind. He has more strange dreams, too, and when he wakes up to find his sheets stained, he blushes and seriously considers running away.
~
On the third day, Arthur walks into his chambers and says:
‘Merlin, get this stain out of my jacket, would you? It seems there are servants who are clumsier than you.’
‘Just put it in the laundry pile, sire, I’ll see to it.’
‘No, I mean, now. Hurry up, would you, I need to get back.’
Merlin stares.
‘Well?’
After, his hand shakes, and when Arthur leans in, he flinches, expects a fist to follow. But Arthur, Arthur presses soft lips to his, pulls him in, and just. Kisses him, gentle and hot and accepting, lapping at Merlin’s mouth like he knows all its secrets, and.
Merlin can’t bring himself to push him away.
~
It starts pouring that afternoon. Merlin expects the drops to feel cold on his skin, but they’re tepid, at best, and he stops, tilts his head, and lets them drench him.
~
This is what Merlin will always remember as their first time:
Arthur licking the back of his neck, comfortable, wanting, hands warm on Merlin’s belly. And when he kisses him, Merlin trembles a little, but lets the kiss stretch until it’s too late to say no.
Arthur on his back, one thumb pressed to the corner of Merlin’s mouth, Fuck, yeah, Merlin, please.
Arthur’s eyes, half-lidded, looking at Merlin like he’s the only thing in the world.
Merlin thinking, OK.
OK.
Written for the AU challenge. I don't really like this one, but I'm hoping it'll inspire someone to write more God!Merlin/Lucifer!Arthur. Please, please, please?
Different Theories Concerning the Creation of the Universe, Earth and Merlin’s Idiocy
A/N: The first textbook quote is from here. And, um, warning for blasphemy?
1. The Big Bang
What the textbooks say:
The Big Bang is the scientific theory of the origin of the universe as an explosion of space and matter, starting from an enormously dense and hot state at some finite time in the past.
What might’ve actually happened:
‘Well. Er. That went well.’
‘Don’t worry, Arthur, it’s perfectly safe, nothing can happen, Arthur - ’
‘Look, it’s not my fault if you were rubbing off on me quite that enthusiastically - ’
‘Me? You were. It was - You jumped me!’
‘We accidentally collided, all right? I couldn’t help it.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘… Are you saying I’m irresistible?’
‘… I’m saying that I think we’ve just created something new and beautiful. Something with a lasting effect.’
‘Really? I am on tenterhooks, Merlin.’
‘I think, Arthur, that we’ve just had the first orgasm, ever.’
‘… You’re a few protons short again, aren’t you?’
What Arthur would say to Merlin if he saw those textbooks:
‘An enormously dense and hot state… I suppose it would be too much to hope for them not to notice your part in this abomination.’
2. Genesis
What the Bible says:
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…
What might’ve actually happened:
‘Merlin, have you been spilling that magic of yours all over the place again?’
‘Arthur…’
‘Let me guess. You tripped and accidentally created a new world?’
‘Arthur.’
‘Oh, all right. I’m sorry, My Lord. You know how much I worship you.’
‘... Right.’
‘It’s true, you know. I could spend eternity just looking at you. Falling into the fathomless depths of your eyes, inhaling your heavenly scent, admiring that enormous ego of yours…’
‘Well, if you want to compare sizes…’
‘… tasting the softness of your lips. Licking the perfect curve of your cheekbones…’
‘Arthur, stop. Right now.’
‘… Why do you hate it so much when I touch you?’
‘It’s. We shouldn’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s wrong, Arthur, and you know it.’
‘But you’re the one who decides what’s right and wrong. Surely this, feeling the softness of your skin beneath my fingers, your warmth, your love, can’t be wrong? Can’t you feel how much I love you, Merlin? … You like this, I can tell.’
‘Arthur, no. Just. This is not the way it’s meant to be.’
‘… Tell me, then, how it is meant to be? Should I learn to play that ridiculous guitar-thing you gave me and serenade you? Or perhaps grow a set of wings and do some air loops?’
‘…’
‘Don’t even think about it.’
‘… Look, there, down below. I’ve created a world full of sunshine and warmth and every possible thing you need to satisfy your senses. You would be happy there, Arthur.’
‘… First, you build me a throne higher than the heavens themselves. And when that doesn’t get me far enough away from you, you build me a world full of everything you think I could ever wish for, and then try and convince me to leave you?’
‘Arthur, I’m sorry, but it’s for the best. It will be good for you, I promise.’
‘No.’
‘What?’
‘I said, no. I’m not going. You’re stuck with me. You made me, Merlin - ’
‘That was my mistake.’
‘You don’t make mistakes.’
‘Arthur, please. I’m asking you - for me. Please, go.’
‘… No.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘Then. Then, you leave me no choice.’
What Arthur says every day as he prays to God:
‘They always look at me, you know. The humans. They fall so easily. Because of the way you fashioned me with your hands, brighter than any star. And you wanted me, just as I am. I will have you, Merlin, one day… One day, you won’t be able to resist me anymore, either.’
3. Ennead
The Myth
… Geb and Nut mate, giving birth to stars, but Shu grows tired of their arguing, and separates them, thus creating the earth and the sky…
What might’ve actually happened:
‘Did you and Morgana have another fight?’
‘She’s impossible.’
‘It can’t be that bad.’
‘She ate our children.’
‘… Oh.’
‘Your empathy warms my heart, Merlin, I don’t know how you do it.’
‘…’
‘… That’s… better… Fuck, what are you…?’
‘Putting some distance between you two.’
‘By sitting on my - ?’
‘Yeah, are you objecting?’
‘No, no, just. Fuck, do that again… Yeah, oh, that’s so. Merlin…’
‘Arthur…’
‘You’re. You’re so.’
‘Yeah, c’mon, harder, work for it…’
‘Don’t stop.’
‘I won’t, oh, yeah.’
‘You…’
‘I won’t ever stop, Arthur…’
What Merlin would have to say about this: ‘Askgrllft. I mean, er, yes. That’s the way it happened. Absolutely.’
Written for the fluff challenge.
Merlin was born from the second drawer on the left. They tell him it stuck a little, and they had to get a ladder and a crowbar to open it; that’s why he’s a little strange. He sometimes hears them whisper about it behind his back: how he’s so skinny, how his smile’s too wide (it’s indecent, they murmur), how he can make the stars in the ceiling flicker with just a thought. It’s never cruel, for they are a kind-hearted people, but Merlin stands out; doesn’t quite fit in.
*
This is what Merlin likes:
*
What Merlin would like is to get assigned his other half. Gwen and Lancelot have been a whole for at least five seasons, now. (He remembers they found one another in the middle of a hot winter day, the heater rumbling softly in the background, bashful but happy smiles on both their faces.) But they tell him he’s tricky, they can’t find his match, and so he waits and waits and waits, curling up in the soft blankets of his drawer, dreaming of warmer days.
*
His other half turns out to be from one of the top drawers on the right. This is unusual. His other half also turns out to be male, where Merlin had been hoping for a girl, someone soft to cuddle up with while the window is shuttered. Arthur does not look any happier with Merlin: where Merlin’s still smiling tentatively, Arthur just looks him up and down in the most insulting way and toddles off with a glare. Turns out Merlin’s other half is a knob. Not quite a doorknob, but still.
*
They move into one of the higher sections of the wardrobe that night, Merlin throwing down his bedding haphazardly next to Arthur’s, while Arthur fusses with his. He’s still standing, inspecting the walls of their small abode in the dark, long after Merlin’s made himself comfortable among his blankets. He tries not to wonder whether the Scales made a mistake this time, whether it just threw them together in sheer despair; when Arthur finally lies down, stiff back facing Merlin, he resolutely shuffles forward and wraps his limbs around the one he will spend all of eternity with, burying his nose at the top of Arthur’s spine, and promptly falls asleep.
*
The next day, Arthur reluctantly lets Merlin hold his hand, as Gwen and Lancelot tell them how happy they are. Arthur’s friends look uncertain around Merlin, but at Arthur’s scowl nervously flutter their congratulations; Arthur grips Merlin’s hand a little tighter.
*
Gaius fades out in the middle of his speech, and next to him, Uther does, too. They’ll be back later, of course, and Merlin wonders what secret place they’ll go to more and more often as they grow older, until they fade out completely. It’s a little intriguing, a little scary, and Arthur will be with him all the way.
*
Merlin feels jittery when he wakes up without Arthur, but his instincts somehow lead him straight to the windowsill, where he finds Arthur contemplating the rising sun. When he drops down next to Arthur, Merlin breaks out into one of his ridiculous, unseemly grins. Arthur turns around, and doesn’t look away.
*
That night, Arthur doesn’t turn his back on Merlin, and he looks a little nervous. So Merlin just presses himself against him, nuzzles at the hollow of his throat, and when he slips out his tongue, Arthur tastes of want, pulling Merlin closer still, groaning, throwing a leg over Merlin’s thigh. When they move together, they fit so perfectly it makes Merlin’s head spin; or maybe that’s Arthur’s kisses, taking his mouth over and over and over again.
*
The world is a little small for Arthur and Merlin. They’re looking into the mirror, at the world on the other side of it, the one they are not supposed to step into. Arthur doesn’t ask Merlin whether he wants to come with him; they just grin at each other, and step through.
Written for the dialogue-only challenge.
“Merlin.”
“Yes, Arthur?”
“Well, aren’t you going to say something?”
“Er. You have a very shiny plumage, sire?”
“…”
“And, oh, my, what big eyes you have.”
“Merlin - ”
“No, really, I think I can see myself in them. Hey, is that a - ”
“Merlin, - ”
~
“Well, I did think that wine tasted a bit funny.”
“ …You do realise you’re not actually supposed to drink my wine, don’t you?”
“Yes, I see that now. Lots of people don’t seem to like you very much. Can’t imagine why.”
“Yes, and I can’t imagine how you’d end up in the stocks for a week or where the villagers would get quite that stock of potatoes.”
“You’d get bored without me.”
“Well, I might feel compelled to dress up as a villager and pay you a visit to mend my broken heart.”
~
“… This is clearly the work of sorcery. I don’t suppose there are any sorcerers in your family, are there? Because only someone with your limited faculties would come up with the idea of turning me into an owl.”
“Well, I suppose we could’ve been pigeons. Then we’d probably be served at dinner tomorrow.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Merlin, I always get served at dinner. Speaking of which, I’m starving. Go and find me some food. And something to drink, while you’re at it.”
~
“ … What are you doing?”
“I’m sharpening my claws, what does it look like?”
“All right, sire, why are you sharpening your toes, then?”
“So that I can scratch your stupid owly eyes out, Merlin.”
“…”
“So that I can defend myself should anyone come in and think we’re a bit of fun prey, you idiot. Although the other option might relieve some of this tension.”
“I’d be terrible at shining your armour while blind.”
“Oh, good, no one should notice the difference, then.”
~
“I ran into Gaius. He cooed at me.”
“…”
“And then tried to get me to drink a suspicious looking liquid.”
“Oh, right. I think he mentioned needing owl talons for one of his cures.”
“He - what?”
“Er. I’ve generally found it a good idea to stay away from Gaius once he starts cooing, sire.”
~
“Well, I’m bigger than you.”
“No. No, you are not.”
“… You’re standing on your toes.”
“Shut up, Merlin.”
~
“I would just like to make it perfectly clear that as soon as we’re in our own bodies again, I’m going to beat you with a stick. A very sharp, pointy, vicious stick.”
“Of course, sire. Bit of rat?”
~
“What’re you - did you just - on my dresser?”
“Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”
“That’s - that’s disgusting, Merlin.”
“Look, I said I was sorry, all right? Keep your fluffy feathers on.”
“That’s an heirloom from my great-grandfather.”
~
“Would you stop shuffling around? You don’t have lice, do you?”
“Ugh. No. Don’t think so, anyway.”
“Well, then, keep still. You’re the one who wanted a nap.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Merlin. What is it?”
“Nothing, sire.”
“…”
“…”
“Merlin.”
“Sorry.”
“I will beat you.”
“No offence, but I - ”
“I will peck your eyes out. You look ridiculously slow.”
“… What is it with you and my eyes?”
“They’re golden.”
“Er.”
“Easy target.”
~
“Um.”
“Yes?”
“Just. Out of curiosity. It’s not mating season for owls, is it?”
“What?”
“You really do have a very shiny plumage. Sire.”
~
“I realise your brain just shrank to the size of one of those coat-buttons you can never be bothered to polish properly, but really, how much difference could it make?”
“Hey!”
“I’ve turned into an owl, Merlin, not a girl. However difficult the distinction may be to you.”
“ …You’ll do in a pinch.”
~
“Skrflhoooooh.”
“Would you still transform back if you were dead? Hm. I suppose Morgana would be very annoying about it.”
~
“Sit. Still.”
~
“Stick. Pointy. Sharp.”
~
“Oh, for - go on, then, get a move on.”
~
“Hoo. Hoo. Hooo.”
“… Hoo?”
“Hoo. Hoooo. Hooooo. Wooohoooo!”
~
“Did. Did you just - ?”
“… Oops?”
“…”
“On the bright side, the spell only lasted for a few hours?”
“What’re you - ?”
“Er. Cleaning up my mess, sire?”
“With your tongue?”
“You know, I could swear your prick doesn’t usually stand up like that under normal circumstances.”
“…”
“Seems only fair I fix the problem I caused, don’t you think? Hmmm.”
“ - Hgnuh?”
“We should try for pigs next time, they seem to have a lot of fun.”
“I’ll. Be sure to - send a note - to all sorcerers - right away. Fuck, - ”
Written for the bonus challenge: sex in a strange place.
A Hero Lies In You.
In the year 2073, on a day coddled by warm sunlight and friendly laughter, Mary slips away from her parents, wanders into the woods, giggling, running after the playful butterfly that had wanted to share her lunch.
When the world shifts, there is no sudden lurch, no tremor that would send her to her knees.
She blinks; when she opens her eyes, she’s in a cave.
She shivers.
~
They tell her there was no magic, no monster (liar, liar), that the cells in her brain are to blame. They tell her the cells - row upon row of them - carry messages through her mind, her body, whispering them to each other across small chasms like an endless game of Telephone. Except some of them aren’t whispering, they’re shouting, loud and fast. That’s what confused the rest of your brain cells, you see, dear?
It’s all right, love, we’re going to tell them to be quiet.
Mary (who gets shushed about thirty times a day) stomps her foot and tells them they’re her little cells, thank you very much, and if they want to have some fun, then let them.
~
Arthur is not well pleased. He was just having a nice nap when Merlin started rubbing against him. Again. He wonders at the fact that anyone could be quite this obnoxious and regrets, not for the first time, that he didn’t push Merlin away with more conviction when he had the chance. But he was still in his differentiation stage himself, back then; he remembers being only vaguely aware of the other cell, until suddenly a dendrite was shoved (quite rudely) into his personal space. Then he really saw, tendrils fanning out across the gulf between them, grown abnormally long just so they could reach Arthur, who was annoyed and not impressed at all.
He pointedly refused to speak to the intruder, as a matter of fact, rather more interested in the pretty cell to his right, which was growing towards him with slightly less enthusiasm (but one did not pay attention to such trifling details).
And then there was a touch to one of his terminals - and Arthur, Arthur may have been confused for a moment. Who wouldn’t have been, what with Merlin’s sudden, idiotic chatter, electric charges running over Arthur’s membrane, making him shiver all over. By the time he recovered enough to tell Merlin to keep his paws to himself, the connection between them had already settled. Idiot, Arthur groused. Merlin telegraphed four letters back, spat them carefully into Arthur’s body, over and over again, until Arthur was trembling (with anger, of course).
Now, though, Merlin’s mouthing electric kisses, which Arthur can never quite resist, across the tiny spot. He can feel Merlin smirking as Arthur’s foul mood ebbs away; he presses back, kisses wet and open, and Merlin moans. It’s easy, this, so easy and familiar, Merlin jerking against him, increasingly desperate charges flowing between them, and after a while he can’t help it: he opens his ion channels wide while Merlin hums into his body, happy and smiling, and oh. Oh. Arthur can feel the tension in him mounting, snapping his axon taut and making his terminals itch, floating in the empty space between them, and then Merlin’s next charge hits him, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, and the wave crests through him, wiping his mind completely blank as his release fires from him in bursts.
He can feel Merlin opening his receptors wide to welcome it, savouring every tiny molecule as he groans into Arthur’s body, tightening; Arthur shouts yes, fuck, Merlin, and then Merlin is shuddering, coming and coming and coming, and it’s all Arthur can do not to rip himself lose from the cells around him to wrap himself around Merlin - kisses him lazily instead.
~
It’s a new treatment, they tell her, it’ll break the connection between the misbehaving cells, see? So they can’t be naughty anymore.
Like when me and Ellen talk too much in class and Miss makes us sit apart?
Yes, like that, they smile.
Mary decides she doesn’t like this treatment at all.
[THE WOEFULLY TRAGIC END.]
Well, until the year 2208, when they are reborn in the brain of an arsehole dictator with a penchant for world domination and a dead physician. Arthur and Merlin enthusiastically make the evil man black out at a rather inconvenient moment, and he spends the rest of his life rotting in a cell, where they ‘forget’ to treat him.
And they live happily ever after.
(Until he dies, anyway.)
Written for the first time challenge. WARNING: implied non-con (though probably not the way you're imagining...)
When the spell lifts, Merlin takes what seems like his first breath in a very long time.
It takes a little longer for his limbs to feel like his own again, and the world tilts around him when he stands up.
~
Gaius figures out he lost over three months.
Three months.
And no one noticed.
~
He doesn’t (want to?) remember.
He remembers Nimueh - not dead, fuck, he wants to kill her all over again, make it hurt this time, drag it out - remembers the agony in his head, scorching hooks sinking in, fire travelling by blood, down, down, burning all the way to his toes as the spell took hold.
Oh, Merlin, you are going to bring Arthur Pendragon right down to his knees.
and
We’ll rule the world together after all, you and I.
and
I have feeling that for you, he will crawl.
~
The first time he sees Arthur again, there’s a funny taste in Merlin’s mouth; he keeps swallowing. Arthur’s sitting next to his father, looking healthy, if supremely bored and annoyed. So, of course, he ends up sending Merlin on the most ridiculous errands, like the insufferable fucking prat Merlin knows he is.
~
Arthur claps him on the back, says,
‘Well, I can honestly say that was the most pathetic performance I have ever had the pleasure to witness. Well done, Merlin.’
and doesn’t take his hand away.
Merlin’s throat hurts; it’s all he can do not to hit the crossbow over Arthur’s head.
~
Merlin dreams of Ealdor. He dreams of wide open fields, of his mother and Will and, somehow, the pig’s trough. If he dreams of Arthur, too, of things that would never happen between them, well, dreams are funny that way.
~
The first time Arthur rests both his hands on Merlin’s hips, he’s so shocked he lets Arthur lick the corner of his mouth. His hands come up to push Arthur away, mouth brimming with a horrified No, when Arthur pulls back and smiles at him, eyes bright.
And it’s, it’s open and trusting, familiar and - happy? - and there’s a knock at the door.
Arthur’s face shutters, and Merlin tries to breathe again.
~
Merlin finds one hundred and fifty three tiny holes in his ceiling, but not a single sentence to explain what happened to Arthur without destroying everything between them.
~
The armoury wall feels cold against his cheek, but it’s nothing compared to the heat of Arthur all the way down his back. His mind is scrambling for an excuse, quick, anything, and Arthur says lightly, ‘Are you all right?’ before nuzzling into the side of Merlin’s neck and - what the hell? - biting gently along Merlin’s ear.
‘Where were you this morning?’
‘I. The king. The king asked me to - Yeah. Sorry.’
And he gets the hell out of there.
~
Merlin’s skin itches all over; he wonders if this is what it feels like to be helpless. He thinks he might be losing his mind. He has more strange dreams, too, and when he wakes up to find his sheets stained, he blushes and seriously considers running away.
~
On the third day, Arthur walks into his chambers and says:
‘Merlin, get this stain out of my jacket, would you? It seems there are servants who are clumsier than you.’
‘Just put it in the laundry pile, sire, I’ll see to it.’
‘No, I mean, now. Hurry up, would you, I need to get back.’
Merlin stares.
‘Well?’
After, his hand shakes, and when Arthur leans in, he flinches, expects a fist to follow. But Arthur, Arthur presses soft lips to his, pulls him in, and just. Kisses him, gentle and hot and accepting, lapping at Merlin’s mouth like he knows all its secrets, and.
Merlin can’t bring himself to push him away.
~
It starts pouring that afternoon. Merlin expects the drops to feel cold on his skin, but they’re tepid, at best, and he stops, tilts his head, and lets them drench him.
~
This is what Merlin will always remember as their first time:
Arthur licking the back of his neck, comfortable, wanting, hands warm on Merlin’s belly. And when he kisses him, Merlin trembles a little, but lets the kiss stretch until it’s too late to say no.
Arthur on his back, one thumb pressed to the corner of Merlin’s mouth, Fuck, yeah, Merlin, please.
Arthur’s eyes, half-lidded, looking at Merlin like he’s the only thing in the world.
Merlin thinking, OK.
OK.
Written for the AU challenge. I don't really like this one, but I'm hoping it'll inspire someone to write more God!Merlin/Lucifer!Arthur. Please, please, please?
Different Theories Concerning the Creation of the Universe, Earth and Merlin’s Idiocy
A/N: The first textbook quote is from here. And, um, warning for blasphemy?
1. The Big Bang
What the textbooks say:
The Big Bang is the scientific theory of the origin of the universe as an explosion of space and matter, starting from an enormously dense and hot state at some finite time in the past.
What might’ve actually happened:
‘Well. Er. That went well.’
‘Don’t worry, Arthur, it’s perfectly safe, nothing can happen, Arthur - ’
‘Look, it’s not my fault if you were rubbing off on me quite that enthusiastically - ’
‘Me? You were. It was - You jumped me!’
‘We accidentally collided, all right? I couldn’t help it.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘… Are you saying I’m irresistible?’
‘… I’m saying that I think we’ve just created something new and beautiful. Something with a lasting effect.’
‘Really? I am on tenterhooks, Merlin.’
‘I think, Arthur, that we’ve just had the first orgasm, ever.’
‘… You’re a few protons short again, aren’t you?’
What Arthur would say to Merlin if he saw those textbooks:
‘An enormously dense and hot state… I suppose it would be too much to hope for them not to notice your part in this abomination.’
2. Genesis
What the Bible says:
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…
What might’ve actually happened:
‘Merlin, have you been spilling that magic of yours all over the place again?’
‘Arthur…’
‘Let me guess. You tripped and accidentally created a new world?’
‘Arthur.’
‘Oh, all right. I’m sorry, My Lord. You know how much I worship you.’
‘... Right.’
‘It’s true, you know. I could spend eternity just looking at you. Falling into the fathomless depths of your eyes, inhaling your heavenly scent, admiring that enormous ego of yours…’
‘Well, if you want to compare sizes…’
‘… tasting the softness of your lips. Licking the perfect curve of your cheekbones…’
‘Arthur, stop. Right now.’
‘… Why do you hate it so much when I touch you?’
‘It’s. We shouldn’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s wrong, Arthur, and you know it.’
‘But you’re the one who decides what’s right and wrong. Surely this, feeling the softness of your skin beneath my fingers, your warmth, your love, can’t be wrong? Can’t you feel how much I love you, Merlin? … You like this, I can tell.’
‘Arthur, no. Just. This is not the way it’s meant to be.’
‘… Tell me, then, how it is meant to be? Should I learn to play that ridiculous guitar-thing you gave me and serenade you? Or perhaps grow a set of wings and do some air loops?’
‘…’
‘Don’t even think about it.’
‘… Look, there, down below. I’ve created a world full of sunshine and warmth and every possible thing you need to satisfy your senses. You would be happy there, Arthur.’
‘… First, you build me a throne higher than the heavens themselves. And when that doesn’t get me far enough away from you, you build me a world full of everything you think I could ever wish for, and then try and convince me to leave you?’
‘Arthur, I’m sorry, but it’s for the best. It will be good for you, I promise.’
‘No.’
‘What?’
‘I said, no. I’m not going. You’re stuck with me. You made me, Merlin - ’
‘That was my mistake.’
‘You don’t make mistakes.’
‘Arthur, please. I’m asking you - for me. Please, go.’
‘… No.’
‘…’
‘…’
‘Then. Then, you leave me no choice.’
What Arthur says every day as he prays to God:
‘They always look at me, you know. The humans. They fall so easily. Because of the way you fashioned me with your hands, brighter than any star. And you wanted me, just as I am. I will have you, Merlin, one day… One day, you won’t be able to resist me anymore, either.’
3. Ennead
The Myth
… Geb and Nut mate, giving birth to stars, but Shu grows tired of their arguing, and separates them, thus creating the earth and the sky…
What might’ve actually happened:
‘Did you and Morgana have another fight?’
‘She’s impossible.’
‘It can’t be that bad.’
‘She ate our children.’
‘… Oh.’
‘Your empathy warms my heart, Merlin, I don’t know how you do it.’
‘…’
‘… That’s… better… Fuck, what are you…?’
‘Putting some distance between you two.’
‘By sitting on my - ?’
‘Yeah, are you objecting?’
‘No, no, just. Fuck, do that again… Yeah, oh, that’s so. Merlin…’
‘Arthur…’
‘You’re. You’re so.’
‘Yeah, c’mon, harder, work for it…’
‘Don’t stop.’
‘I won’t, oh, yeah.’
‘You…’
‘I won’t ever stop, Arthur…’
What Merlin would have to say about this: ‘Askgrllft. I mean, er, yes. That’s the way it happened. Absolutely.’
Written for the fluff challenge.
Merlin was born from the second drawer on the left. They tell him it stuck a little, and they had to get a ladder and a crowbar to open it; that’s why he’s a little strange. He sometimes hears them whisper about it behind his back: how he’s so skinny, how his smile’s too wide (it’s indecent, they murmur), how he can make the stars in the ceiling flicker with just a thought. It’s never cruel, for they are a kind-hearted people, but Merlin stands out; doesn’t quite fit in.
*
This is what Merlin likes:
- Laughing with Gwen, laughing with Lancelot, feeling happy and at home when he leans against their legs;
- Shaping the wood of the dressers and wardrobes into something a bit more perfect, using the power that lies within him, the one nobody understands but belongs only to him, using it to make the world a slightly better place;
- Lying about on the soft, red carpet, sleeping or staring up at the hundreds of tiny lights above his head, wondering if there is somewhere he’d belong.
*
What Merlin would like is to get assigned his other half. Gwen and Lancelot have been a whole for at least five seasons, now. (He remembers they found one another in the middle of a hot winter day, the heater rumbling softly in the background, bashful but happy smiles on both their faces.) But they tell him he’s tricky, they can’t find his match, and so he waits and waits and waits, curling up in the soft blankets of his drawer, dreaming of warmer days.
*
His other half turns out to be from one of the top drawers on the right. This is unusual. His other half also turns out to be male, where Merlin had been hoping for a girl, someone soft to cuddle up with while the window is shuttered. Arthur does not look any happier with Merlin: where Merlin’s still smiling tentatively, Arthur just looks him up and down in the most insulting way and toddles off with a glare. Turns out Merlin’s other half is a knob. Not quite a doorknob, but still.
*
They move into one of the higher sections of the wardrobe that night, Merlin throwing down his bedding haphazardly next to Arthur’s, while Arthur fusses with his. He’s still standing, inspecting the walls of their small abode in the dark, long after Merlin’s made himself comfortable among his blankets. He tries not to wonder whether the Scales made a mistake this time, whether it just threw them together in sheer despair; when Arthur finally lies down, stiff back facing Merlin, he resolutely shuffles forward and wraps his limbs around the one he will spend all of eternity with, burying his nose at the top of Arthur’s spine, and promptly falls asleep.
*
The next day, Arthur reluctantly lets Merlin hold his hand, as Gwen and Lancelot tell them how happy they are. Arthur’s friends look uncertain around Merlin, but at Arthur’s scowl nervously flutter their congratulations; Arthur grips Merlin’s hand a little tighter.
*
Gaius fades out in the middle of his speech, and next to him, Uther does, too. They’ll be back later, of course, and Merlin wonders what secret place they’ll go to more and more often as they grow older, until they fade out completely. It’s a little intriguing, a little scary, and Arthur will be with him all the way.
*
Merlin feels jittery when he wakes up without Arthur, but his instincts somehow lead him straight to the windowsill, where he finds Arthur contemplating the rising sun. When he drops down next to Arthur, Merlin breaks out into one of his ridiculous, unseemly grins. Arthur turns around, and doesn’t look away.
*
That night, Arthur doesn’t turn his back on Merlin, and he looks a little nervous. So Merlin just presses himself against him, nuzzles at the hollow of his throat, and when he slips out his tongue, Arthur tastes of want, pulling Merlin closer still, groaning, throwing a leg over Merlin’s thigh. When they move together, they fit so perfectly it makes Merlin’s head spin; or maybe that’s Arthur’s kisses, taking his mouth over and over and over again.
*
The world is a little small for Arthur and Merlin. They’re looking into the mirror, at the world on the other side of it, the one they are not supposed to step into. Arthur doesn’t ask Merlin whether he wants to come with him; they just grin at each other, and step through.