As the phoenix . . .

[randy_o]

How shall I, then, begin? I have been gone a long time, and now I'm back, I hope. I might as well charge right in

Comments

[clodia_metelli]

I am so sorry, Randy. My grandmother has dementia and it's a terrible way to go. My sincere condolences. I hope the writing flows back sooner rather than later.

[randy_o]

Thank you, Clodia. I wish your grandmother an easier journey than my mother had. Often some other natural illness intervenes, but the people on my mother's side of the family are tough and long-lived. Ultimately, she ate less and less, which is the body taking its own way out. For the most part, our hospice team was on board, and we didn't fight it. But my mom was difficult to deal with until she hit that final stage.

You and your family might want to check out Alzheimers.org. They have a caregivers'support board that was a lot of support to me in the last five years. Surprisingly, doctors often know very little about the day to day challenges a caregiver will face.

[pandemonium_213]

My deepest, deepest condolences, Randy. I know this has been a long, hard road for you and your family. And yes, that kind of enduring stress kills creativity and the desire to socialize. Totally understandable.

I was there to hear here final breath, which makes it all worth it, I guess.

I think it does.

Will I ever write again? I hope so, but I have a lot of healing to do.

Exactly. You've been through a hell of a lot. My mother's decline affected me, but your case is astronomically amplified. Dementia is such an awful, awful disease.

I think you'll write again. I think I'll write again. But it's gonna take time

[randy_o]

Thank you, Pande. It got to the point in the last six months where I would wake from a sound sleep thinking I had heard her calling, yelling back that I was coming, even once when Buns sourly pointed out that she was away on her five day hospice respite stay. I was on a hair-trigger. That doesn't go away over night.

About Aaron and Saunders, I had a blast of inspiration a few months ago after taking a Xanax. I know what Aaron wants from Saunders, enough to overcome the past. I knew you were hammered with work at the time, and I was plain hammered by life, but things lok like they might be changing for both of us. Will be in touch, if only to set the idea in your head.

[pandemonium_213]

Reading your reply to Aearwen below...I count myself, and more importantly, my mother, fortunate that dementia wasn't an issue with her. She kept her faculties right until she started actively dying. It breaks my heart that your mother died long before she actually died. That, in a word, is horrifying. I don't know how you bore it, but you did.

About Aaron and Saunders, I had a blast of inspiration a few months ago after taking a Xanax. I know what Aaron wants from Saunders, enough to overcome the past. I knew you were hammered with work at the time, and I was plain hammered by life, but things lok like they might be changing for both of us. Will be in touch, if only to set the idea in your head.

Inspiration via Xanax! Better living through chemistry, that's my motto! I'd love to hear about that blast!

[aearwen2]

My deepest sympathies on your loss.

If you need to talk, you know how to find me - and I'm not averse to phone conversations, if you think that would help more. If you want, PM me and I'll give you my number.

I mean it. I'm a shoulder to lean on, or cry on if you need one - and I'm kinda on the "outside", so I have no biases or preconceptions to set aside. The same offer you made to me "back when" applies here in reverse.

Great Big {{{{{{{HUG}}}}}

[randy_o]

That is so kind of you, Aerwen. l lost the woman who was my mother a long time ago. In her place was a needy stranger, who could turn malevolent if not placated, someone I had seen only brief glimpses of in my childhood. I'm going to have to sort through my conflicting feelings about the person she became over the last ten years. Fortunately, I'm used to self-reflection, and I'm more than halfway there, given that I no longer have the uncertain prospect of doing this for years to come and ultimately failing. At least I know I made it through and kept my promise that she would always have a home with me. I feel like I've walked through the fire and come out the other side hard as steel, just a bit rusty at the moment.

[elfscribe5]

Hi Randy. It's good to hear from you. I am so sorry about the trial you've had to go through. It's very hard. Bless you for the great gift you gave your mother of loving care in her declining years, even though it is so very hard to do. My mother is beginning to exhibit signs of dementia too. The whole thing is very stressful, so you have my full and complete sympathy. I hope you take some time for yourself now -- if that involves writing something again, that may be helpful. In the meantime be tender with yourself and your family who have been through tough times.

[randy_o]

You've been through the fire yourself, so you know what it can do to a person. About your mother, get her to a doctor for a full neurological workup. Dementia is a symptom od many underlying causes, all of which have to be ruled out, and some of them are curable or treatable. Even if it is one of the progressive dementias, early intervention can slow the process down and keep a person functional for a longer time.