The (Main) Monty Household
It’s Monty time!
Patrizio: Can I put the cheese platters in a grilled sandwich or is this useless?
His age bar was looking a bit shit and we’re nowhere near completing his horrible LTW of raising 20 puppies/kittens, so! Elixir!
We’re also not making much progress with Isabella’s 5 top businesses, but at least she still owns the single one she has, so she doesn’t have to start out at level 1. (Honestly might do the cheaty thing of letting it get up to level 10 and then deliberately lose a star.)
Isabella: I know, gnomes get stolen all the time. But when thieves are stealing your gnomes, you know what they’re not stealing? Everything else in your house! It’s basically burglar decoy!
Amber: I’ll take ten!
But of course, last time I played this lot, I had Mercutio and Romeo to help out. Patrizio’s here, but he’s busy in the garden and at level 7, the shop is too much for Isabella to handle alone. So I hired some rando to do the restocking.
It’s been a long day, so Isabella snacks on coffee beans to give her enough energy to walk home.
Patrizio: You seem like a sophisticated fellow, what cheese would you recommend in a grilled cheese sandwich?
Vampire: I didn’t even eat that rubbish when I was alive.
Patrizio: He wouldn’t even discuss Edam.
Isabella: And neither will I.
Turns out dissing his favourite food has put Patrizio right off sex.
Isabella: What if I let you eat it off my naked body?
Patrizio: It’s the principle of the thing.
Remember Artemis? Probably not.
Isabella: That’s right, dance for me!
Romeo brought Ripp home from school, which I’m sure is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Or at least it would be, if I wasn’t kicking him out to uni.
Romeo: Please don’t tell me you’re going to turn my room into a kitten farm.
Patrizio: I won’t tell you.
We do need the space though. Diana might be tiny and adorable, but we need nineteen more of her.
I will regret this.
Isabella: I already do.
There is no reason for me to screencap this other than it’s completely adorable, so here ya go!
Less adorable.
Isabella: Uhhh... didn’t we just plant like, 30 tomato plants?
Shit, you’re right. Which one of you has the highest aspiration?
Isabella: Patrizio just ate a grilled cheese sandwich, so he’s gonna be gold for at least an hour.
Perfect.
Patrizio: Let’s get some sunshine over here.
But you know what would help his aspiration more? Kittens! And after about three days of trying, Artemis and Luna finally agree to do the nasty and by nasty, I mean the state of this pet house.
And Isabella got a job. The uniform apparently includes a wig.
Gardener: I hope you weren’t expecting me to do literally anything else in your garden today, sir.
Artemis wouldn’t be starving if Artemis had eaten the damn Jamma Hamma.
Oh look, it’s everyone’s favourite dolphin tank cleaner, Lazlo Curious.
I tried looking for a new bees gif and couldn’t find one. So here’s the bees gif. Because. Bees.
Much safer.
I can’t see what Artemis is trying to catch so I’m going to assume it’s even more bees.
And Diana grew up! Which means we have successfully raised 1/20 kittens and it’s time to evict her to make room for new ones.
Only it turns out Isabella is utterly distraught by this. When she first started bawling, I honest-to-God thought Patrizio had died.
Only he came running out to sob at the car as well. I very nearly quit without saving. But they do need the space.
Isabella: We found a way to deal with our grief.
I’ll leave you to it.
Isabella: COUGH COUGH
Uh... are you sick? You can’t be sick, surely, I never saw a pop-up.
Isabella: Must be allergies.
Uh... free fertilizer, yay?
In genuine yay, we have three new kittens! Sticking with Sailor Moon, their names are uhhhhhh.... brb.
SimPE: Jadeite and Kunzite.
Where’s Zoisite?
SimPE: shrug emoji
OK... I’m sure this won’t ever be a problem, thanks!
And it turns out Artemis is the mother, not Luna, oops! Ah well, never mind, their kittens are no less adorable.
But as the creator of InTeen knew, where one life begins, another must end NOPE NOT REALLY PATRIZIO WAKE UP!
Secret Sue: Here’s an invitation to my secret kitchen, congrats!
Isabella: *pained death rattle*
Secret Sue: Is this a bad time? This seems like a bad time.
Patrizio: Pleeeeeease don’t take my wife! I need her help with the garden!
Grim: You know the drill.
Patrizio: YASS SUCK IT, DEATH!
Grim: I don’t know why I give you lot second chances, you’re all such poor winners.
Patrizio: I’m hungry.
Isabella: I’m alive!
Grim: Even better, you’re cured.
Patrizio: You better be cured, I’ll be very upset if this hug kills me.
Patrizio wasn’t kidding about the garden though. He spends every waking hour out there, along with the gardener, and it’s still not enough.
Time to get some more hands on deck!
Beatrice: A family reunion, what fun!
And after a few hours of influencing and weeding and talking the plants out of imminent death, we finally manage to harvest a few! Hurrah!
Isabella: We’re not doing this again until that greenhouse is finished.
That’s fair.
Uberhood Index