Global Legacy 5.3
OK, so my updates haven't gotten any faster, but they're still happening, which is good, right??? But in case you've forgotten what happened in the two months since my last update, after the quads were shipped off to university, Austria decided what he really needed was MOAR CHILDREN, marriage vows be dammed. And so baby Hero was born to make the world a more awesome place. This time, the challenge is for one sim to be a massive flaming gitbag to everyone, which sounds like a job for Switzerland.
But he's thwarted at the very first hurdle because he can't be horrible to his daughter.
So... I had him encourage her to be horrible to everyone else instead.
Switzerland: Remember, if anyone lays their hands - or eyes - on you in a way you don't like, you have my permission to shank the bastard.
Switzia: That seems a little extreme. Can I just punch them?
Switzerland: You can punch them with a knife.
Such a sweet daddy-daughter bonding scene.
In other news, it would seem Poland left a little something behind last time he saw Austria.
I'm beginning to remember why lifts annoy me. Instead of just walking up the stairs, sims will trek from one side of the lot to the other in order to use the damn thing.
Austria: Come on, it's a lift! In the house! How many other people have a lift in their house?
I have a lift in my house.
Austria: All right, smart-arse, other than you?
...OK, fair point.
Switzia: Daddy look, I got an A+! I didn't even have to pull a knife on the teacher!
Austria: Hoora-wait, what?
For a moment I thought that was a snowball. That would make for a very entertaining game of catch!
Switzerland brought Monaco home from work and thank goodness I have mods to make over townies because something dreadful has happened to her hair.
Switzerland: NO YOU CAN NOT SKI IN MY ALPS.
Switzerland: I'm tired of stupid tourists doing stupid shit, yodelling and wearing lederhosen. They're banned! Banned, I say!
Monaco: I can't use your Alps? Oh gee, whatever will I do for fun? Guess I'll have to go back home to my casinos and Grand Prix and my playground for the rich and famous.
Switzerland also suspects Austria's been playing around.
Switzerland: I'm not stupid, you know, I can count, and I don't need a crystal ball to know there's no possible way that baby could be mine.
Austria: How very dare you! I've been completely, 100% faithful.
Austria: Well, this is awkward.
Switzerland: I KNEW IT!
Austria: I can explain.
Switzerland: Did you know about this?
Slovenia: Know about what? I'm just a side character, nobody tells me anything.
He couldn't annoy the butler under normal circumstance, but turns out he can GRR at him.
Butler: Please don't hurt me. Getting blood out of clothes is hell.
Switzerland: GRR.
Austria: Do you mind? I'm in a delicate condition.
Turns out he can even grr at Switzia.
Switzerland: GRR.
Switzia: Daddy, how could you?
And we both felt really bad about it afterwards.
I don't have any solo woohoo mods so I can only assume the fireworks are a glitch.
Monaco: It's a nice glitch. Keep it.
Turns out you can't grr at ghosts.
Side character or not, I'm happy Slovenia is around because no-one else seems to be interested in taking care of Hero.
England: I'll take care of him!
Switzerland: I can never go out in public again.
I ordered Switzerland to grr at Lemon to see if it would work, but I felt really bad about it. I think for this challenge I'll stick to being horrible to teens up. Not pets, not children.
Switzerland: I'm sorry, Lemon. I'll never grr at you again.
Lemon: I can't promise the same in return.
Switzerland: GRRRR.
Switzia: Excuse me!?
Switzerland: I didn't mean you, I mean your hypothetical future boyfriends.
Anyway, there hasn't been a lot of Austria in this one so far because I've been having him make snapdragons non-stop, but they're always perfect. So I started making Switzerland craft toys in the hope I'd get an evil kite.
But then I asked MTS what affected the outcome of snapdragons and someone suggested skill level. Good thing there's a way to take care of that!
Switzerland: OK, I'm just gonna take the scenic route.
Um.
OK.
You could've just walked across the hallway from the garage to the kitchen but yeah, this works too.
Switzerland: Hey, you got a moment?
Austria: Not really, we have a fire dance to watch.
Ah, yes, very nice. Your SimGod accepts your sacrifice.
Switzerland: If you could have one wish, what would it be?
Austria: Hmm. Gherkins and peanut butter sounds good.
Austria: But that was nice too.
Butler: How could you!
Switzerland: Something you want to tell me?
Austria: Ah, he means how could... we mess up the nice, clean bed he'd just fixed up!
Slovenia: They can take care of their own damn children for a while. I'm busy.
I think they were better off with Slovenia.
Austria: Please? Say 'daddy'? Just for me?
Hero: NO.
Wales came walking by and I decided Switzerland needed a new target.
Switzerland: Oh my God, are your flies undone?
Wales: What?
Switzerland: Ha ha, made you look.
Switzerland: Look at that! It's a distraction!
Austria: Where? Where?
Switzerland: I can't believe you fell for that.
Switzerland: I can't believe you fell for that three times!
In fact the whole stressful situation sends Austria into labour. Oops!
It's a girl! Her name's Monika, in honour of her other daddy's Eurovision contestant.
Back to toddler training.
Austria: Say 'highchair'.
Hero: If I must.
Seychelles: Say 'argh'!
Austria: Argh!
Hero: Paddling pool!
Being a jerk is exhausting, so Switzerland took a little time off to be nice to Hero.
Good thing too really as his daddy is currently under attack.
Monika: NOT ON ME!
I can't control the conversation here, but I like to imagine that Switzerland is being a jerk about recycling.
Switzerland: Just rinse the tins out and we won't have a problem.
Austria: I was going to, then you attacked me with a skill-sucking hoover.
Switzerland: Oh, so now it's MY fault.
Switzerland: Did you eat my poptarts!?
Slovenia: The table is covered in poptarts, why would I eat yours?
Switzerland: I notice you didn't deny it.
Time to be a jerk to the mailman.
Turns out you can't easily be a jerk to the mailman. Ah well, new target!
Switzerland: Oh my God, there's something horrible on your face! Oh wait, it's just your nose.
Germany: Excuse me!?
Switzerland: Just checking for witches.
Germany: If you touch me again, I will rip off every single one of your fingers and stick each and every one up your nose.
Switzerland: Try it, see how far you get.
Switzerland: DO IT. I DARE YOU.
Switzerland: I know you have gun mods.
This is the asshole challenge, not the murder challenge.
Switzerland: Murder is an asshole move, you know.
Maybe later.
You can slap her though.
Of course, she can also slap you back.
Wales is an easier target, tbh.
Wales: By dose!
Meanwhile, the rest of the household are doing general household things like school and toddler training and making endless snapdragon bouquets.
Endless, bloody perfect snapdragon bouquets. Austria's just too damn good at this.
Duel child training. Slovenia is teaching Hero to walk and Switzerland is teaching Switzia how to be horrible.
Switzia: Rawr! I'm an ugly monster!
Denmark: Aww, how cute.
Switzia: I'm so glad I found a fellow ugly monster to take care of me.
Denmark: OMG rude.
I'm not kidding either, turns out when you encourage children to be grouchy, they go out and actually practise being horrible to people! I love this game so much.
Switzerland: Are you being rude to my baby?
Denmark: She's being rude to me! Looks like it's genetic.
Denmark: I know the people who own IKEA! Say goodbye to cheap but well-made Swedish furniture!
Switzia: BLOOGA BLOOGA BOO!
Wales: What the hell, kid? Didn't your parents teach you any manners?
Nope.
Despite their ill-treatment by Switzerland and Switzia, I notice none of them actually left.
Wales: Somebody said there would be punch and pie.
Switzerland: Oh, there's definitely punch.
WEEABOO WEEABOO
Switzia: I'm sorry, which of us is currently playing a neighbourhood filled with manga characters?
Germany: PUNCH THIS.
Slovenia: Not the eyes, not the eyes!
Here's Switzia all madeover. I decided to keep the weeb look.
Switzerland: Don't let the door hit you on the way out. The house has already hit you enough.
Switzerland: THAT'S RIGHT, FEAR ME.
Austria: What are you doing!?
Switzerland: You said you wanted to be a werewolf too!
Austria: Yeah, that doesn't mean I want you to beat me up while you do it!
Austria: See? Not nice, is it?
Slovenia: Why can't there be one happy marriage in this house!?
To be fair, Austria still has that 'become a werewolf' want, he just doesn't like the 'savage' interaction that would do it.
Switzerland: I'm trying to do a nice thing for you!
Oh well. I give up, Austria's just too good at fighting back. Time for Hero's birthday instead.
Despite (or maybe because) his parents completely ignoring him his whole life, he grew up well.
Switzerland: I'm sorry I tried to maul you.
Austria: I'm sorry you didn't succeed. I still really wanna be a werewolf.
Switzerland: Maybe lycanthropy's an STD.
Stop making perfect flowers, you little shit.
Austria: I'm not going to lower my standards so you can kill me.
Today's jerk magnet is France.
Switzerland: There's something horrible on your face. Oh wait, it's your beard.
France: How dare you!? My beard is magnifique!
Oh hey, remember Monika? It's her birthday.
Slovenia: Brave look.
Switzerland: Have some water. I hear it's a mixer for Scotch.
Austria: The nine times table is actually quite easy once you recognise the pattern-
Switzerland: I can see why England hates you.
Switzia: Really dad? Low blow.
Scotland Moldova: The hell did I ever do to you? Or England? You know what, never mind, you're rude.
Austria: See, as the first digit goes up by one, the second digit goes down by one-
Switzerland: Fight me then!
Austria: And so you get 0-9, 1-8, 2-7 and so on. For the next one, the two becomes a three and the seven becomes a six.
Scotland Moldova: Huh. Interesting.
BTW, Austria now has no mechanical skills and almost no creative ones, but the flowers are still perfect. So... I had Switzerland steal his aspiration points instead.
Switzerland: I think that went too far.
Therapist: I can offer you a short term cure if you dance like a monkey for me.
I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school.
Back to flower making.
Oh my God, that actually worked.
Austria: They're shitty, like my life.
Austria: Goodbye, cruel world.
Hero: Daddy, noooo!
Poor Hero. But hey, that's gonna be great motivation to become a superhero when he grows up, which will make his other daddy very happy.
Awww. Even though he mauled him and sucked out all his skills and happiness with the hoover, Switzerland did really love him.
In fact, EVERYONE is bummed out. Even the cat. And the rancid flowers probably aren't helping.
Grim: Can I keep them? They'll look great in my hallway.
Switzerland: Grim! Hi, sorry to disturb you, it's just, I'd like my husband back for a moment please, we forgot to do something before he went.
Austria: I'm alive! And suddenly I feel much more playful and messy.
Switzerland: And you're not a zombie.
Austria: Ah yes, I look lovely.
And it'll look lovely on your grave too.
Austria: Wait, what?
We even got flowers for your grave. :)
Austria: You've got to be kidding me.
Switzerland: I look so good in these pictures.
Nice. Now could we have a set where you have your clothes on?
Switzerland: Why would you want that?
Austria: My family have deserted me, but you'll be my friend won't you, Professor von Ball?
Swtzia gets over her father's death and resurrection with a nice massage.
Switzia: Bliss.
Switzia: I'M NEVER GOING HOME.
Hero also seems to have gotten over it pretty quick.
Hero: You can't be sad when you're jumping on a bed.
I wonder if they'll care more a second time?
RIP Austria. You were lots of fun and I'm sorry I made you cheat on your husband when you didn't want to.
Nooooooo-
-ooooooh OK, that's not so bad then.
Cuba: What was that for!?
Switzerland: I just felt like it.
It's slightly scary how much he seems to be looking forward to violence.
No time for that though, there's toddlers to train.
Monika: No trains, trains yucky.
Switzerland: Aren't you bored of potty training faces yet?
NEVER.
Lithuania: When do I get a turn?
Hero: You had your go back in June 2013.
Lithuania: Loser says ARGH.
Hero: ARGH!
Slovenia: Help me, I'm poor.
No we're not.
Slovenia: Emotionally poor.
Quite a few people are in aspiration failure, including Switzia, so I had her wish for love to try and fix that.
She got a cute barista and I'm sure he's going to be perfect-
Nope, never mind.
Even Monika's mood was in the toilet, so Switzia tried to teach her to talk.
Switzia: She has mastered 'no', that's good enough for me.
Oh yay.
Of course, that's not going to last long if Switzerland carries on being horrible to everyone.
Switzerland: I hate wizards.
Slovenia: Good thing I gave that up.
Switzia: I like you, but your name's right up there with Christian Grey and Edward Cullen on the list of Names To Run Away From Really Fast.
Switzerland: Egg's are rubbish. Talk about something else. No, that's rubbish too.
Time out from being a jerk.
And we're back in the game.
Switzerland: What's that?
Switzerland: Made you look.
Czech Republic: You swine.
Switzerland: Did you see her face!?
Switzerland: Anyway, fuck you.
Czech Republic: I was just walking!
Switzerland: Walk away.
Czech Republic: Yeah, sure, after I smack you in the face.
Switzerland: This is outrageous! And in broad daylight as well!
Switzerland: You wanted to be toilet trained!
Monika: Changed my mind.
Monika: *raptor screeching*
Slovenia: I'm trying to take you to cake!
You can tell Switzia and Switzerland are related.
Slovenia: The name does kind of give it away, yeah.
Monika: I'm adorable!
Everyone: You're smelly!
Oh look, the ghosts came to the party too.
Russia: Who moved the toilet?
Russia: I heard it was asshole week!
Not any more! It's the end of the week and the children are setting an example by being sweet and nice. We'll see how long that lasts.
Right! Heir poll time! Here are the five sims Switzerland has the highest relationships with. Although after this week, I should probably confess that three of those relationships are at zero/zero. Haha. Ha. Ha. Yeah. I'll leave the poll open until Monday at around 8pm BST.