Fic: No Substitute
Luke is missing, and Noah is racing against time (and the elements) to find him. Not recommended for LuRe fans.
Written for nuke_anon's Challenge #5. I fixed some grammar issues from that rushed posting, and shortened the hokey title.
Title: No Substitue
Author: meadowlion
Rating: R
Word Count: 6304
Summary: AU. Can a frantic Noah find a snowbound Luke before it's too late?
Disclaimer: Do not own the boys, but like to borrow them often.
Dedicated to meadowlion for her encouragement to try out this idea.
Takes place the day before Thanksgiving, 2010. Noah still relocated to Los Angeles two months ago, but there was no train, and Luke and Reid are still a couple.
Noah struggled to make out the road through the blanket of snow, as his wipers labored to clear it from the windshield. His tires, meanwhile, were engaged in a fierce battle to grip the hazardous surface below. Even putting the chains on hadn’t helped much when confronted with the perilous ice-and-snow combination coating the road.
He gripped the steering wheel firmly as he attempted to rein in his racing thoughts. He’d been at this only half an hour, but the longer he went without spotting Luke’s car, the greater the propensity for panic setting in. Noah knew it was only a matter of time before his own vehicle went off the road, but it didn’t matter. Giving up was not an option.
Of all the scenarios Noah had pictured for this holiday trip back to Oakdale, this hadn’t been among them. He’d even been hesitant to return home for this visit. Ultimately, he’d been unable to decline Lily’s request. The Snyders had done so much for him, and he didn’t want to repay that kindness with ingratitude.
Really, Noah wanted to spend Thanksgiving with the Snyders. They were the closest thing he had to a family of his own. And if he was honest with himself, he wanted to see Luke, despite everything. He needed to see Luke.
This was the first Thanksgiving since they’d met that he and Luke weren’t a couple. Noah didn’t want it to be the first they were apart for a major holiday, too. It was stupid, but he felt as long as they were still together for the holiday, it would be almost like - they were still together.
Of course, they weren’t together. A fact that would be nauseatingly obvious once Luke sat down to Thanksgiving dinner with him. Dr. Reid Oliver. Restorer of Noah’s sight, and thief of his future.
Though ironically, now Noah would give anything to see that. It would mean Luke was safe in Snyder kitchen - not God knows where in the middle of the biggest blizzard Oakdale had seen in years. The longer Noah went without finding him, the bigger the sick feeling in the pit of his gut became.
By now, the Snyders would have noticed Noah’s absence, even if the driving winds covered the sound of his engine starting up. When Luke hadn’t arrived at the expected time, Lily called his mobile to get an update on his progress through the snow. She was sent straight to voicemail, and each subsequent call she placed as more time passed with no sign of Luke yielded the same result.
By the time Luke was one hour late, Noah was itching to go search for him. Lily and Holden talked him down, telling Noah they would place a call to Jack and have the Oakdale PD look for him. By the time Luke was two hours late, Noah was frantic. Though he pretended to relent when Luke’s parents advised him it would do no good to have two boys missing, as soon as their backs were turned, Noah slipped outside to his truck, driving off in search of Luke.
Now, as Noah waged war with the storm elements, he silently cursed Luke’s foolhardiness. Why didn’t Luke have the sense to stay put in Bay City, instead of risking his neck trying to get home for Thanksgiving? His stomach sank in realization of the obvious answer.
Luke didn’t want to miss his first Thanksgiving with Reid. That’s why he was going to such lengths to get home. The storm had come upon the area quickly, having charted a different path than forecasters initially predicted, putting Oakdale squarely in its path.
Noah guessed that if Luke had known in advance about the storm, he would’ve postponed his meeting in Bay City, rather than chance missing the holiday with his new boyfriend. When Noah had arrived in Oakdale the day before, it was only to find Luke had just left. Lily had explained that Luke was making a presentation at Bay City’s hospital, since they had expressed interest in creating a neuro wing similar to the newly opened one at Memorial.
While he tried not to visibly react to the news that Luke wasn’t there to see him because he’d gone to another town to pimp Reid’s vision, the truth was, it had hurt. Noah was only going to be in town for a few days, and Luke hadn’t even bothered to free up that time for him. When he’d left Oakdale, Noah had apologized to Luke for his earlier harsh words, telling Luke that of course they could be friends, and that he’d always care about him - and always love him.
So to him, Luke’s absence felt like Luke avoiding him. Maybe he couldn’t be Noah’s friend; at least, not while he knew Noah was still in love with him. In which case, their friendship was screwed, because Noah wasn’t ever not going to be in love with Luke.
He could date the whole of Los Angeles, but still, would never find a substitute for Luke’s place in his heart. As painful as it was now, Noah didn’t want to find one. It didn’t matter that Luke was no longer in love with him. Luke was not only Noah’s first love, but the love of his life, full stop.
That’s why he was driving through snowmaggedon now. He loved Luke, and Luke was missing. It was a no-brainer. For him, anyway. When Lily had called Reid to inform him that Luke was past an hour late, and couldn’t be reached, Reid had taken Lily’s advice to stay put at the hospital, and help the patients who needed him.
Maybe that was true, and there were people who needed Reid’s help more than Luke at the moment. Once upon a time, Noah had been one of those people, so he could hardly begrudge Reid choosing to remain where he was, and continue treating patients. Still, Noah couldn’t imagine being in love with Luke, yet not dropping everything to look for him when he was in trouble.
How strong could the guy’s love for Luke be, anyway, if Reid didn’t put Luke first? But then, when Noah was blind, he hadn’t put Luke first, so he could hardly throw stones in Reid’s direction now. Frustrated, Noah tried to shake himself out of these thoughts. They were depressing him, and certainly weren’t helping to find Luke.
As he continued slogging though the storm, the visibility became so poor that he nearly missed it. A patch of black against an otherwise white ground, located down an incline off the road. Even though he was driving slowly, Noah’s truck skidded as he attempted to bring it to a halt. Fortunately, he was able to control the spin, and right the vehicle before pulling it to the side of the road.
Exiting the truck to investigate, Noah first spotted the faint remnants of tire tracks, mostly snow-covered by now, but still barely visible. He trained his eyes to the ground down the hill, trying to spot the bit of color he’d seen in passing. Finally, he spied it. It was a car, and he was pretty sure it was Luke’s car.
Noah raced down the steep drop as speedily as possible, tripping and sliding and trudging through knee-deep snow trying to get to the car. When he reached it, he could see it was almost completely covered in snow. He couldn’t assess the vehicle for damage, let alone see if anyone was inside.
Desperately, Noah made his way to the driver’s side, and began wiping off the window with his arm. At first, the ice layer underneath made seeing inside difficult. But after a moment, he spied movement within, and then suddenly, a head turned to face him, greeting him with an astonished stare.
“Luke! Oh my God,” Noah said as he tried unsuccessfully to open the driver’s side. “Are you hurt? Can you unlock the door?”
Luke shook his head. “I’m okay. It is unlocked. It must be frozen.”
Noah nodded. “All right - pull on the handle from your side when I pull on it out here, ok? Ready? Now!”
Luke missed the cue, and looked apologetically up at Noah. “I thought you were going to count to three or something,” he explained sheepishly.
Noah briefly closed his eyes, caught squarely between annoyance and amusement. Only Luke would expect a countdown for such a simple action. “All right,” he instructed Luke. “On three.”
“Wait!” Luke answered. “Do I pull on three? Or after three? Like, 1, 2, 3, pull? Or 1, 2, pull?”
“Jesus, Luke,” Noah answered in exasperation. “I said on three!” Trying to curb his aggravation, he added, “So, 1, 2, pull, okay?”
“Okay,” Luke answered, seemingly satisfied with the plan.
“One… two…,” Noah began. “THREE!”
Both men yanked on their handles simultaneously, while Noah pulled and Luke pushed, finally dislodging the door with a crack of the ice that covered it. As Noah reached down to assist Luke from the car, he was horrified to spot a trail of dried blood on the side of Luke’s face.
“You are hurt!” Noah charged, then tried to calm himself. Panicking about Luke’s possible injuries wouldn’t do him any good.
“Just bumped my head in the accident, but don’t freak. I didn’t pass out or anything.”
Noah nodded as he helped Luke out of the car. Now that Luke was standing beside him, Noah could see him clearly, and noticed with concern that Luke’s skin was pale, and his lips seemed to have a slight bluish tinge.
“We need to get you to the truck. It’s warm there.”
They trudged through the deep snow, soaking their clothes in icy dampness, and it was soon clear that Luke was greatly weakened from his ordeal. Noah noticed him struggling, and took his arm, draping it around Noah’s neck to support him. When they began to climb up to the truck, Luke fell almost immediately, then apologized to Noah, embarrassed.
“No, it’s okay,” Noah told him. He realized with growing unease there was no way Luke could scale the hill, and judging from the crestfallen face before him, saw that Luke knew it, too.
“Okay,” Noah announced decisively. “Climb on.” He turned his back to Luke, and squatted slightly to lower himself.
At first confused, Luke protested once it dawned on him what Noah was proposing. “You can’t carry me up there!”
Noah feigned offense. “Yeah? Twenty bucks says I can.”
Luke rolled his eyes, which somehow, Noah could discern, even though he wasn’t facing the other man. “Noah, don’t joke. I’m serious.”
“So am I,” Noah replied. “And we’re both gonna be seriously frozen if you don’t hurry up!”
Luke sighed, knowing it was true. Noah would sooner freeze at the bottom of the hill with him then leave there without him. Luke tried to ignore the clench of his heart that knowledge brought. Resigned to cooperating, he grabbed onto Noah’s shoulders, and wrapped his legs around Noah’s waist.
“Hang on,” Noah advised, as if such a reminder was necessary. Truth be told, Noah had no idea if he could get up the incline with Luke on board, but he’d either do it, or die trying. Luckily, fear gave him a surge of adrenaline, and somehow, practically crawling on all fours, Noah finally scaled the steep climb, bringing them back to the waiting truck.
Though reluctant to let go of the warmth of Noah’s body, Luke hurriedly dislodged himself to give Noah relief from the weight of him. He stumbled a bit as his feet hit the ground, prompting Noah to swiftly turn, his hands shooting out to steady Luke. Once he’d regained his balance, Luke pulled away, the feel of Noah’s hands on his arms somehow too intimate to handle.
“So, I guess I owe you,” Luke said quietly. When he saw Noah preparing to protest, Luke quickly moved to lighten the intensity of the moment. “I mean, fair’s fair. Twenty bucks, right?”
At first, Noah said nothing, then nodded silently in agreement. He didn’t risk saying more. If he’d spoken, he would’ve said something tremendously stupid that would’ve made them both extremely uncomfortable. Like, you don’t owe me anything, because goddammit Luke, I love you, and would climb down into a live volcano if that’s where you were lost.
Yeah, Noah chided himself silently. That wouldn’t be awkward much.
Rather than go there, Noah opened the passenger door for Luke. He’d left the truck running to keep it warm. Noah helped Luke into his seat, closing the door once he was safely tucked inside.
Walking around to the driver’s side, Noah climbed into the truck. Now he had time to really look Luke over, and what he saw worried him. Despite the heat inside, Luke was still visibly shivering, something that Noah had noticed when carrying him up the hill.
“Here,” Noah said. He eased his coat off, placing the dry inside portion over Luke.
“Thanks,” Luke replied. The fact that he didn’t protest that Noah needed his coat concerned Noah further still. Luke couldn’t even deny that he was freezing.
“How long have you been out here?”
Luke mulled the question. “I don’t know - what time is it?”
“Ten after 3,” Noah answered.
Luke seemed surprised, then calculated for a moment. “Then, six hours, I guess.”
Noah started. “SIX HOURS?! Luke! You weren’t even supposed to arrive ’til 12:30!” Incredibly, Luke had almost made it. They were only about 10 miles away from the farm.
“I got an early start this morning,” Luke explained. “I heard it might start snowing, and I wanted to beat the storm.”
Noah released a breath, along with a snarky comment to accompany it. “I’d say the storm beat you.”
Luke’s eyes shot to Noah. The laughter that followed erupted from them both at the same time, and Luke swatted Noah’s shoulder. “You’re hilarious.”
“I try,” Noah replied drolly, trying to mask his anxiety. Luke had been stranded in the cold hours longer than Noah had first estimated. “Did you have heat any of that time?”
Luke shook his head. “No - the engine cut out after the car went off the road. I would’ve called, but I haven’t been able to get reception.”
Noah wanted to slap himself. He should’ve called Lily and Holden already, but his apprehension over Luke’s ordeal had distracted him. He pulled out his own mobile, but found he was likewise unable to get a signal.
Outside, the storm had already blanketed the truck entirely in snow. “Have you seen anyone go by?”
“No,” Luke answered. “I don’t think they could’ve seen me if they did. The car got covered up pretty quickly. Kinda like now,” he joked.
“Yeah,” Noah answered, deep in thought. “Look, I know we could try to get a little further down the road and get cell reception, but I don’t wanna push our luck.” He didn’t want to scare Luke, but Noah had serious doubts about whether they could make it five feet without sliding off the road. “I’ve got a full tank of gas, we have heat… oh, and here.”
Noah reached towards the cupholder, retrieving a bottled water for Luke. “We have water. I think we’re best to sit tight and wait it out.”
Luke gratefully accepted the water, and nodded in agreement. “Spinning off the road and down an embankment once is enough for me today, I think,” he quipped.
Noah might’ve wisecracked back, but to his alarm, he noticed that Luke struggled to grasp the bottle, and that his trembling continued. Though he was putting up a brave front, instead of recovering in the warmth of the truck, Luke seemed to be weakening further. Noah knew his next suggestion would meet with resistance, but the truck’s heat was on full blast, yet Luke’s state wasn’t improving.
“You’re still cold,” Noah began.
“It’s all right,” Luke answered. “I’ll be all right.”
His reassurance didn’t reassure either of them. Luke knew he shouldn’t still be freezing, but he couldn’t seem to get warm enough. He hadn’t been able to properly feel his feet for awhile, and his fingers weren’t much better off. He’d nearly dropped the bottle Noah had given him.
Noah took the bottle back from Luke, opening it for him. He then raised it to Luke’s lips, allowing him to drink. When Luke finished, Noah replaced the cap, placing the bottle in a cupholder.
“Listen,” Noah continued. “You have to get out of those wet clothes, Luke. You know I’m right.”
Luke surprised Noah then, by failing to mount the vocal objection he’d anticipated. “I know,” he said finally, his shudders refusing to subside.
“You can change in back,” Noah added. “It’s heated, too.” Luckily, the truck cap had already been in place. Noah wouldn’t have been able to mount it and make a quick escape from Snyder Farm without attracting notice. “The sleeping bag’s there - you can crawl into that when you’re done.”
Luke nodded. Noah pulled the middle section of the seat down, which allowed Luke to crawl through the opening, and into the truck bed. He could hear Luke moving around to strip off the wet clothes, and finally, the zip of the sleeping bag, as Luke opened it to crawl inside.
Noah couldn’t stop himself from thinking of the last time Luke had been in that sleeping bag. Then, Noah was in there with him. Now, Noah could only hope that Luke would start to warm up, and that the storm would pass soon, so that help could find them.
After a few moments of quiet, Noah figured out that of course Luke wouldn’t return to the front of the truck. There wasn’t enough room for him to crawl through the seat opening wrapped in a sleeping bag. Since Luke wasn’t about to return naked, he’d have to stay where he was.
Noah wondered if he should join him. He was loathe to leave Luke alone when he was so weak. Yet, he didn’t think an unclothed Luke would feel comfortable with Noah there.
Once a few more minutes passed, the decision was made for him. The relative quiet within the truck was broken by the unmistakable sound of chattering teeth. Dammit, Noah cursed silently. He was even more anxious now, hearing the telltale sign that Luke wasn’t getting better.
Pushing aside any discomfort at a potentially embarrassing situation for them both, Noah began to remove his own wet clothing. Though it was a clumsy task from the driver’s seat, Noah managed to strip down to his boxers, silently thanking the heavens that at least those had remained fairly dry in their slog through the snow. He then climbed into the truck bed to join Luke, and prepared for the argument he envisioned was coming.
Luke lifted his head, and if possible, appeared even more piteous than before. He looked exhausted; positively wrecked, in fact. Instead of offering up the anticipated indignation, Luke shocked Noah by simply zipping the sleeping bag open in invitation.
Wordlessly, Noah climbed in, leaving it unzipped since it was technically a one-person bag, and they couldn’t both fit with it closed. Luke turned so his back was facing Noah, and Noah took the cue. He spooned against Luke, wrapping strong arms around the smaller man, fervently hoping to transfer the heat of his body to Luke’s.
“I’m so cold, Noah,” Luke whispered faintly.
“I know, baby,” Noah answered softly. Maybe the endearment was inappropriate now, but Noah honestly didn’t give a shit. Luke - his Luke - was suffering, and Noah would do whatever it took to comfort him. He pressed his body more fully against Luke’s to better warm him, then realized - though Noah had boxers on, Luke did not.
“Um…,” Noah stammered. “I didn’t mean to… I was trying…”
“It’s all right,” Luke interrupted. “Please, just hold me, Noah.”
Relieved that Luke understood Noah wasn’t trying to come on to him, Noah obliged. He held Luke in his arms, taking Luke’s stilled-chilled fingers within his, and cradling them there. Noah also cocooned Luke’s freezing feet within the relative warmth of his own.
Physically feeling the cold in Luke’s extremities drove the frightening reality of the situation home to Noah. What if he hadn’t found Luke? How much longer could Luke have lasted, stranded alone in the below-freezing temperatures with no means of escape?
The tortuous what-ifs struck abject terror in Noah’s heart. The irony wasn’t lost on him, either. For months, Noah had bemoaned the fact that he’d lost Luke. Now, he realized what it would truly mean to lose Luke, in the forever kind of way, and the knowledge terrified him.
After battling these dark thoughts for what must have amounted to ten or fifteen minutes, Noah couldn’t help it. Having confronted the very real possibility of Luke being gone forever, he clasped Luke even tighter still, and leaned his head down to press a kiss against Luke’s cheek; then another; then another. Surprisingly, Luke didn’t object. Noah rested his face against Luke’s for a moment, until Luke began to move away.
Noah released him, and mentally kicked himself for pushing Luke too far. He genuinely hadn’t meant to offend or unnerve Luke. He simply hadn’t been able to stop himself from expressing his relief that he had found Luke before the situation had become any more dangerous.
Before he could apologize, though, Noah saw that Luke wasn’t actually going anywhere. He had simply lifted up to reposition himself, so he could roll over to face Noah. Returning to Noah’s embrace, Luke snuggled his face into Noah’s neck. Stunningly, Luke seemed to have no issue with pressing their bodies back together, even though this meant their groins were now perilously close.
Noah tried to relax again, while making sure not to move his body two inches to the left, or things that shouldn’t be brushing against each other would be doing just that. Eventually, Luke’s shivers subsided, and this calmed Noah, his heart rate returning to a less frantic, more steady pace. That is, until out of nowhere, Luke shifted his head, and darted his tongue out to lick across Noah’s Adam’s apple.
“Luke!” Noah practically squeaked out his name. “What the hell are you doing?!”
In response, Luke’s eyes welled up instantly, a mixture of embarrassment, remorse, and hurt, if Noah could still read him correctly. He hadn’t meant to chastise Luke. Noah didn’t understand what the hell had just happened.
Why would Luke, who had a boyfriend and knew how Noah still felt about him, do that? As soon as he asked the question, Noah reasoned out the answer. Luke had been through a traumatic experience, and physical closeness had always comforted him. It made sense that Luke sought it out now.
“Luke,” Noah said, hoping he didn’t sound condescending. “You’ve been through hell today, I know. You’re not thinking straight.”
The affronted expression Luke sported told Noah that despite his efforts, he absolutely had sounded condescending.
Noah tried to explain. “I just mean, you don’t want to do something in an extreme situation that you’ll regret later. You should think things through more-”
“I already have,” Luke answered flatly. “And you can stop telling me how you’re turning me down for my own good. You don’t want me like that anymore - I get it.”
“Luke,” Noah implored. God, how did the saying go? No good deed goes unpunished. Not only had Noah braved The Great Blizzard of 2010 to find Luke, but he’d had the restraint not to take advantage of his ex in an incredibly vulnerable moment. In return, he had only drawn Luke’s anger.
“Please, talk to me, Luke.”
“About what,” Luke retorted sarcastically. “The weather?”
The chuckle leapt from Noah’s mouth before he could contain it. God, but pissy Luke was hilarious. How could Noah be expected to keep a straight face?
Luke’s mouth twisted. He was battling a smile of his own, now. Noah could even recognize the gleam in Luke’s eyes that usually signaled a change of strategy.
Still, he wasn’t prepared for what that change would be. When Luke’s now-warmed hand suddenly dipped into his boxers, Noah jumped up so fast, his head literally hit the roof. “OW,” he muttered in pain.
Undeterred, Luke sat up to join Noah, advancing once again, this time dragging his tongue across Noah’s nipple.
“Luke,” Noah pleaded. “Stop. STOP!”
At the harsher tone, Luke pulled away, looking stung once more. Noah hurriedly took Luke’s hands within his own. Now, wary of upsetting Luke, but needing to resolve this… whatever this was, Noah spoke quietly.
“Please tell me, Luke. The truth. What’s going on here?”
Exhaling loudly, Luke answered him. “I want you, Noah.”
Noah closed his eyes briefly. Luke knew him too well, and he’d be able to detect the pain there. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Noah opened his eyes, and spoke carefully.
“I know you do now,” Noah started. “But I don’t think you’ll feel the same a few hours from now, when we’re back to safety, and you’re back with your boyfriend.” It was a strain not to utter the last word with contempt, but Noah somehow managed it.
“Really.” Luke pretended to consider Noah’s words. “That’s funny, because I’ve been feeling this way for months.”
Whatever Noah had been planning to say next to show Luke that his thinking was clouded, he couldn’t remember it now. Months? Noah was afraid to hope it could be true, but he had to know.
“I’m sorry, Luke, but I don’t know how to believe you’ve felt this way for months and only just got around to telling me now,” Noah replied. “Not to mention the small detail of your boyfriend.” This time, the contempt with which the word had been spoken was blatant. “So however you’re gonna explain this, don’t tell me that you’re thinking of me when you make love to him,” Noah said bitterly.
“I’m not,” Luke answered simply.
“Well thank God for that, anyway-”
“No,” Luke cut Noah’s sentence short. “I mean, I’m not. Making love to him.”
This information threw Noah for a loop. He tried to piece the puzzle together. “So you stopped when… you decided you wanted me?”
“No.”
At Luke’s lack of elaboration, Noah paused, then nearly did a double-take. “Do you mean, you’ve never... with him?”
Luke nodded to confirm the accuracy of Noah’s guess.
“But you guys are still together.” Noah knew that was true. “So… why not?”
Noah tried to understand what this meant for them. If anything. Was Luke just nervous about having sex after so long, and with someone new? Oh shit, Noah thought as a sick feeling struck him.
“Are you trying to have sex with me to practice for him?” At Luke’s appalled gasp, Noah knew that had been the single dumbest question he could’ve uttered. “I’m sorry,” Noah instantly offered. “That was a completely boneheaded thing to say. You wouldn’t do that.”
Forgiving Noah, Luke smiled. “Maybe I would,” he responded impishly. “If I wasn’t in love.”
Noah wanted to ask just who Luke was in love with, but feared receiving the wrong answer. Still, Luke said he wanted him. That had to mean something. But on the other hand, Luke was still with Reid. Noah’s head was starting to ache at the conflicting information his brain was trying to process.
Turning serious, Luke addressed Noah’s earlier question. “You know why not,” he said.
“No, I don’t,” Noah insisted. “If it’s me you want to be with, you wouldn’t be his boyfriend now.”
Seemingly changing the subject, Luke asked, “What time is it?”
Confused, Noah nonetheless replied. “I don’t know - around 4, maybe?”
Luke nodded. “In my defense, I’m not supposed to be his boyfriend anymore.” At the raise of Noah’s eyebrows, Luke explained. “I was going to see him when I got back in town. The other reason I started out early.” Luke paused. “I was going to break it off.”
Noah’s heart swelled at the sincerity in Luke’s eyes. He meant what he said. This time, when the bubble of hope rose up, Noah didn’t try to quash it. Yet, he needed to know exactly what Luke’s feelings were.
“How? Why? What does this mean… for you and me?”
“It means, Noah Mayer, that five seconds after you’d left town, I knew I’d made a huge mistake when I said what I did. That we weren’t right for each other. I was so busy trying to protect my heart from falling in love with you again, I didn’t see that it had never fallen out of love with you.”
Noah’s own heart leapt, but Luke’s impassioned words still didn’t add up. “Then why didn’t you call me - tell me?”
“Because I was scared! And when you’re scared, denial is a powerful ally,” Luke said sadly.
Noah of all people understood that. He’d denied being gay long enough to hurt them both. And with that, he finally understood.
“You were afraid of getting hurt again,” Noah concluded.
“Mmm-hmm,” Luke agreed softly. “I thought I’d be better off to try and make things with Reid work. I do love him, Noah - I told you the truth about that. The whole truth is, things with him are so much easier. We don’t have screaming matches, or drive each other crazy.”
Noah’s face fell, but Luke immediate pressed on.
“And do you know why? Because we don’t love each other like you and I do. We just don’t care as deeply as we should. He doesn’t try to stop me from doing something stupid, when I come up with a harebrained idea that can only ever blow up in my face.
And I usually don’t even do anything crazy, because I secretly don’t believe he’ll love me if he knows how totally out there I can get. There’s only one man who loves me - the real me - so much, I don’t have to hold myself back. Only one man that I don’t have to pretend to be more mature or together in front of, because he doesn’t love me despite the real me, but because of it.”
When Noah swallowed hard to hold an impending show of emotion at bay, Luke smiled, daring now to scoot close enough within the sleeping bag to embrace him. “And there’s only one man I love so much, I can’t envision my life without him. Only one man whose face I see in every dream of my future. Only one I can imagine marrying, and only one I want to raise a family with. If you need a hint - they’re all the same guy.
So I really hope he still feels the same. Because he’s not just my first love; he’s the only man for me. Anyone else, no matter how much I care for them, could only ever be a poor substitute.”
As Luke finished his impromptu, heartfelt speech, Noah pulled him close, gazing into his eyes before taking his lips in a heated kiss. Luke responded just as Noah remembered - eagerly, wantonly, and with all the passion Noah craved. He wondered how he could have gotten by so long without this… without Luke. But Noah knew the answer. He had never given up that last sliver of hope that they would somehow find their way back to each other - a hope that just proved itself entirely justified.
Their kisses intensified, and Noah lay back down, pulling Luke with him. This time, Luke was more than welcome to lick wherever he wanted to - and he took full advantage. When he tried to move down to Noah’s arousal, though, Noah stopped him, flipping them over so that Luke lay on his back.
Before Luke could even object to the move, Noah’s mouth took him in. From then on, Luke had neither the words nor the will to protest. His only remaining abilities seemed to be barely controlled writhing and incoherent sentence formation.
For his part, Noah didn’t want even a seemingly recovered Luke to exert himself unnecessarily. He was content - no, ecstatic - to satisfy Luke’s appetite for him in this way. Luke, though, had other plans, and pulled Noah up by his hair.
“Please, Noah,” Luke whispered. “I need you inside me, bubby.”
“Luke, I don’t have anything…”, Noah trailed off.
“I don’t care,” Luke insisted hotly. “We’ve managed before.”
Noah didn’t need the reminder. He remembered perfectly well the heights they’d achieved with nothing on hand but their spit and their prayers. Noah was still hesitant to let Luke expend the energy he’d so recently gained back, but one firm grip of his arousal courtesy of Luke made the decision for him.
As the gusts continued to whip wildly around them outside, Noah lovingly prepared Luke as best he could. When Noah moved forward and they finally, joyously became one again, Luke cried out in ecstasy, not pain. Noah stilled to let Luke adjust to the feel of him, but Luke soon bucked against him, urging Noah to move.
Unsurprisingly, both men failed to notice the snow had stopped falling some time ago. While their lovemaking continued, the sound of the winds covered the approach of two vehicles, a car and another pickup truck. The driver’s side of the car opened first, and its occupant rushed to the running but parked pickup.
The man dusted off the driver’s side window, only to find no one inside. He was, therefore, startled when he felt the glass his face was pressed against move. Uncomprehending, he stepped back, blue eyes awash in confusion.
“Are they there?” The driver of the second pickup truck had caught up with the other man.
“No,” Reid answered, shaking his head.
“Where could they be?” Holden asked, his worry increasing.
Suddenly, the truck lurched slightly again, and shocked comprehension dawned simultaneously for both men.
“Reid… wait!” Holden pleaded as Reid purposefully stomped to the back of the truck to brush off the window there. While Holden wanted to pull the other man away, he wasn’t willing to risk seeing what they both knew was happening within.
Inside the truck bed, Noah thrust hard into Luke one final time as they both came hard, and loudly. That image would sicken Reid for years to come. Without a word, he turned and stalked back to his car, driving off.
From the front of the truck, Holden had felt for the man’s distress, but couldn’t begin to think of anything to say in consolation, so he’d simply let him go. And now he had his own problem. Lily expected him to be returning as soon as possible with the boys, but he had expected them to be clothed.
Deciding upon a course of action, Holden returned to his own vehicle, and scribbled a note on a piece of paper. He placed it facing inwards under Noah’s windshield wiper, so the boys would have to see it whenever they… emerged. Satisfied that was all he could do for now without incurring even more awkward moments, Holden went back to his truck. He pulled away from the scene, beeping his horn once as he drove past.
Inside the truck, Noah and Luke looked at one other. Someone else was on the road! With a peck to Luke’s lips, Noah climbed back into the driver’s seat, and began to dress in his now-dry clothing items. Pulling his shirt over his head, he stopped short as his head popped out of the top.
What he saw on the windshield prompted him to call out. “Luke! Put your clothes on!”
Luke was perplexed, but assumed Noah must have spotted another driver. Perhaps someone had stopped to help them! As he dressed himself, Luke giggled at the thought that Noah had possibly had to put his clothes back on in front of some shell-shocked good Samaritan.
When he joined Noah up front, though, there was no one else in sight. Noah tipped his head in the direction of the windshield, and Luke spied the note there. It read, “Home. NOW.”
Luke and Noah shared a look of horror, before their horror dissolved into laughter. To be sure, it was an awkward, nervous laughter, but it was a release, nonetheless. They agreed that the snow must’ve ended awhile ago, for someone to have been able to find them and leave the note.
What they didn’t address was that they both knew it was Holden. The handwriting was a dead giveaway. Each of them hoped he hadn’t seen anything private, but judging by the timing of the beeping vehicle that passed them, held little hope that their snowbound activities had gone undetected.
At least Luke could count on Holden to keep things under wraps. Luke needed to be honest with Reid himself - not let him hear it from someone else. Later, Luke and even Noah would be mortified to learn that Reid already knew what they’d done, finding out in the worst conceivable fashion.
For now, though, they were blissfully unaware of the extent of their transgression. Noah pushed the middle seat section back up, and Luke slid there to sit next to him, burrowing his body into Noah’s. When they arrived home, the shit would hit the fan, but for now, all was right with the world. They were back where they belonged - with each other - and neither would ever settle for a substitute again.
-END-
Note: In the rush to finish in time for the challenge, I realize I've made a few narrative errors. The most notable being, elections take place before Thanksgiving, meaning, there would have been a previous Thanksgiving when Luke and Noah were broken up. Whoops.