The Telling of One Billion Ghost Stories (draft) - Part 30
...can anyone else believe this thing has made it to part 30 and is still going? Because I'm writing it, and even I'm not sure quite how that happened. o_O
Other parts: The original ficlets, Plot notes, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, ( Read more... )
Other parts: The original ficlets, Plot notes, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, ( Read more... )
Comments 18
You are so goddamned amazing.
(30+ chapters and the only typo I've seen so far is this: "She was like a goddess to them, and the worshipped her...")
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(I'm sure that only means you've been missing all the other ones - unbetaed draft, remember? ^^; There've been typos all through it, probably many which no-one's even pointed out, but I'll worry about those details when I get to producing a finished copy.)
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...Kurogane-sama~! *glomps him* That was a wonderful backstory! I love him disagreeing with everything in a situation with that and leaving and it's awesome and YES! Even if you made him kill Souma.
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Wow, Tomoyo is creeping me out and reminding me of the D in a very fierce way right now. ♥
I think you really hit Kurogane's division on the head. He feels torn. Very nicely done, Joop-joop. ♥
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I am glad, I was a little apprehensive I may have overlaboured the point in this chapter, but people do not seem to be minding if I have. ^__^
By the time he left, I think half of what bothered Kurogane was that he wasn't more torn over the idea of leaving. He would have had to be very sure to do something that drastic, but there wasn't a single person he could have made understand why he was going. Except maybe Fye, who he hadn't even met at that point.
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You've done a brilliant job with the Kurogane and Tomoyo dynamic. She's terrifying, but in a subtle way without her actually being scary. Which is worse. XD
Nothing is so bad as a 'ruler' who thinks themselves completely justified. The reader can honestly understand what she must be thinking, but it still amounts to a dictatorship, just with the illusion of a democracy - *__*
I do fear for Watanuki now, and especially the girls (Sakura's value just went up). I wonder if she'll simply arrest the rescue team and kick them out, or try to share her 'reasoning'.
Some edits:
A full-stop is missing at the end of the second sentence.
"that even she made herself believe it." (about the 10th paragraph, not counting lone sentences)
"it would be another two year and more after that" (At the paragraph where Kurogane reminisces about the Flowright case)
I know it's a draft, but considering you've reached 30 chapters (congrats!) how long do you think this will get? Just curious 8D
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You've done a brilliant job with the Kurogane and Tomoyo dynamic. She's terrifying, but in a subtle way without her actually being scary. Which is worse. XD
And like so much else in this world, all I needed was a few points on the idea and the dynamic all just fell into place (once jaseroque had so kindly pointed out to me what I was missing about where Tomoyo was going to show up in this universe, that is). It's almost fallen out like a backwards version of what we see in the manga - there's still the conflict between their worldviews, only in this version, Kurogane's the one who decides he has to leave, and he might just be the one who was right all along...
You're dead right about how she's scary too - it's not so much something you'd notice in talking to her one on one so much as the overall feel of just how much she's capable of that makes her scary. Particularly since no-one but the narrator character seems to be capable of noticing.
I do fear for Watanuki now, and especially the girls (Sakura's ( ... )
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I already thought when reading the comments on the last chapter that 'bad' and 'evil' are quite ambiguous words, empty as long one doesn't define them. Seems like I've been right and Tomoyo has a different view on what's right and wrong. And I can completely picture that because she is an idealistic person (for the greater cause you have to sacrifice things).Very true. I (and others) have been calling her evil Tomoyo, but that's mostly a way of distinguishing her from the the canon Tomoyos we're familiar with. She's done a lot of very questionable things but nothing that's ever so definitely wrong that Kurogane's moral dilemma over whether she's right ever becomes ( ... )
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