FIC: A Happy Sean - Elijah story called 'Short' PG
ladysunrope gave this a quick read and pronounced it worthy. Thanks, Elessar.
The idea came from shanalle and is based on this news blurb.
Title: Short
Author: Rakshi ( rakshi@sean-astin.net )
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sean Astin/Elijah Wood
Summary: Sean finds a revelation on the web!
Feedback: Please. I would love it.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of satirical fantasy about public figures. It is completely fictional. I make no assertions about the actual private life or the sexual orientation of any person mentioned in it.
~ Short ~
Sean giggled as he stared at his laptop’s monitor. His eyes slid to the left and he quickly suppressed it, pretending to yawn. It was really too early in the morning to go looking for trouble, Sean decided. But, unfortunately, he’d decided too late.
“What?” Elijah asked. “What’d you find?”
Sean turned toward the dark-haired figure seated just to his left and shook his head dismissively. “Nothing important. Eat your breakfast.”
They were seated at the breakfast bar in the hotel room where they’d stayed last night. Sean was sipping his coffee while doing email and surfing the web, and Elijah was eating a Pop-tart and playing with his Game Boy Advance.
He leaned toward Sean, dangerously tipping the tall stool in his eagerness to see the laptop’s screen. “Seeeeeean!” he whined. “I wanna SEE!”
“No, you don’t,” Sean told him, pushing him away while at the same time gracefully saving him from tipping. “Trust me, Elijah. Let this one pass. And have I mentioned that you, occasionally, sound just like Ally and that it sorta scares me?”
Elijah sighed and set his GameBoy on the counter. “What is it!” he demanded. “What’s so bad that I can’t see it?”
Sean pondered him for a minute, as if assessing his readiness for the information, then turned to the screen again. “Well… your former girlfriend… “
“Which one?”
“Cheeky bastard!”
“True… but irrelevant. Which one?”
“You’ve only HAD one, Elijah!”
“You fucking WISH! See? There it is! A clear example of how fucking jealous you are, Astin! You’re turning green! Lookit you!!” Elijah pointed at Sean and hooted like a madman.
Sean knew for a FACT that he wasn’t turning green, but he blushed anyway, which only elicited another of storm of snickers. “You’re blushing! I got’cha! Fess up. Got’cha, Sean.” Elijah laughed and began to chant in a sing-song voice: “I got you.. and you know it too!” More snickers.
Sean regarded him for a silent moment, a totally blank expression on his face. Then he turned to the screen. “She says you’re not gay and that people only think you are because you’re short.”
The titters immediately stopped. “She said WHAT?”
Sean lifted his hands to ward off the projectile that launched itself off the stool and onto his lap. “Elijah! You trying to kill me here?”
Elijah pawed at the laptop, trying to see the offending screen… “Nope,” he replied smugly… then turned to Sean and whispered next to his ear… “Did that last night, didn’t I?”
Sean rolled his eyes. “It’s right here. You don’t have to smear up my screen. Elijah! Dammit! Ouch!” Sean yelped as Elijah’s knee dug into his groin.
More hoots of laughter. “Oooops! Sorry, dude.” He grinned and patted Sean’s zipper. “I’ll fix it later.”
Sean slapped his hand away. “The FUCK you will!” He manhandled Elijah into a semi comfortable position on his lap, and refreshed the screen. “There!” He pointed at it. “There you go.”
Elijah stared.
Sean bounced him a couple times then nuzzled his shoulder. “I must say I’m relieved to hear you’re not gay. Makes last night a lot easier for me to rationalize. Though.. it IS distressing to find out that you’re so short that people will THINK you’re gay.” He shook his head, his face twisted with pretend-gloom.
Elijah ignored him. His eyes were on the laptop’s screen, reading intently. “Oh my god, I can’t BELIEVE she said that!!” he spewed finally. “What’s wrong with that girl?” He turned to Sean. “I’m not short… right?”
Sean looked at him for a count of three, then burst into gales of laughter. He tried to speak, but couldn’t. He tried to stop laughing, but couldn’t. He finally pressed his face against Elijah’s shoulder, his whole body shaking silently, and shook his head.
“Was that a ‘no’, Sean?” Elijah asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Sean’s body shook even harder, but his head nodded.
“You wanker! You think I’m short!”
Sean gasped for breath, his arms tight around Elijah’s waist. “No,” he finally crowed. “I think you’re gay!” He pointed at the computer screen. “SHE thinks you’re short!” He snuck a peek at Elijah’s face and exploded, again, into gales of laughter.
“Oh, right! VERY fucking funny!” He tried to jump off Sean’s lap but was held tight.
“Oh, come on, Lij,” Sean soothed, finally able to control himself. “It IS pretty funny.”
Elijah merely glared. “Let me go!”
“No,” Sean told him. “I do NOT think you’re short. I think you’re… just right.”
Elijah continued to glare.
“Besides, duffus, I didn’t say you were short,” Sean pointed out. “That would be girlfriend number 43 over there.” He jerked his thumb toward the computer screen.
“I HAVE had more than one.”
Sean wisely suppressed a smile. “OK. You’ve had more than one.”
“Say you’re sorry.”
“For what??!”
“For saying I’ve only had one girlfriend.”
Sean considered this, then nodded. “OK. I’m sorry you only had one girlfriend.”
"SEAN!"
Sean grinned at him. “OOOOOPS! I mean I’m sorry for saying you only had one girlfriend.”
“Now… fess up.”
“To what?”
“That you’re jealous of all of them.”
“All of them?”
Elijah’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh! All of THEM!” He nodded. “OK. I confess. I’m wild with jealousy of all of them.”
“You don’t mean a word you’re saying, do you.”
“I mean SOME of them.”
Elijah sighed. “She thinks I'm straight, but short.”
“You care what she thinks?”
“No. It bothers me that she felt she had to make up a reason why I wasn’t gay.”
“Well, maybe she’s just confused. Being the One Girlfriend, and all.” Sean hugged him tighter and snickered.
“You gonna start up about that again?”
“Nope. Done.”
Elijah looked skeptical, and Sean crossed his chest with his index finger. “Cross my heart.”
“The One Girlfriend,” Elijah growled, his tone disgusted. He absently curled his finger around Sean’s ear. “You happy to hear that I’m not gay?”
“Well, given what we did last night… let’s just say I’m a tad surprised to hear you’re not gay.”
Elijah pondered for a moment, then shook his head. “I loved her.” He glanced at Sean quickly enough to see him wince. “At the time, Sean. You know?”
Sean nodded. “I know. It’s cool. Sorry. Automatic.”
Elijah smoothed Sean’s hair. “Now… I love YOU.” He pursed his lips as if deliberating. “Weeeell, actually I loved you back then too. But… let’s just say you were… unavailable.”
“Let’s just say I was... chicken-shit,” Sean grumbled.
Elijah nodded. “OK, then! Now we’re rollin’!”
Sean gave him a look.
“So, tell me something, Sean-wiseass. When does someone become a lover. When they come? When they touch? First kiss? What?”
Sean looked puzzled, then sighed. “You’ve gone loopy.”
“NO!” Elijah told him, leaning back.. both hands on Sean’s shoulders, shaking him. “Am I gay because we made love last night? Am I gay because I loved you from day one? If I loved you but didn’t make love with you… would I still be gay? Was I straight when I fucked HER, but turned gay when I fell for YOU?”
"Jesus, and they call ME wordy!"
"You ARE wordy! And you didn't answer me."
“You’re not gay,” Sean told him soberly. “You’re short.”
“Would I get cured of the gay if I got lifts in my shoes?”
“Let’s not try.”
“Guess it’s true about John Wayne, then. He was about 6’ 9” wasn’t he?”
“So was Rock Hudson,” Sean observed, standing up with Elijah still in his arms.
“Where we going?”
“I need to test a theory.”
“The ‘is Elijah gay’ theory?”
“The very one.”
“I can help with that.”
Sean stumbled toward the bed, carrying Elijah with him. “I was counting on that, Elwood.”
“We can email the results to Franka,” Elijah said, as Sean lowered them both to the bed.
“Fuck Franka,” Sean mumbled against Elijah’s throat.
“Can’t,” Elijah moaned, his arms tight around Sean’s neck.
“Mmmmm?”
“I’m way too short for her.”
~ end ~
The idea came from shanalle and is based on this news blurb.
Title: Short
Author: Rakshi ( rakshi@sean-astin.net )
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sean Astin/Elijah Wood
Summary: Sean finds a revelation on the web!
Feedback: Please. I would love it.
Disclaimer: This story is a work of satirical fantasy about public figures. It is completely fictional. I make no assertions about the actual private life or the sexual orientation of any person mentioned in it.
~ Short ~
Sean giggled as he stared at his laptop’s monitor. His eyes slid to the left and he quickly suppressed it, pretending to yawn. It was really too early in the morning to go looking for trouble, Sean decided. But, unfortunately, he’d decided too late.
“What?” Elijah asked. “What’d you find?”
Sean turned toward the dark-haired figure seated just to his left and shook his head dismissively. “Nothing important. Eat your breakfast.”
They were seated at the breakfast bar in the hotel room where they’d stayed last night. Sean was sipping his coffee while doing email and surfing the web, and Elijah was eating a Pop-tart and playing with his Game Boy Advance.
He leaned toward Sean, dangerously tipping the tall stool in his eagerness to see the laptop’s screen. “Seeeeeean!” he whined. “I wanna SEE!”
“No, you don’t,” Sean told him, pushing him away while at the same time gracefully saving him from tipping. “Trust me, Elijah. Let this one pass. And have I mentioned that you, occasionally, sound just like Ally and that it sorta scares me?”
Elijah sighed and set his GameBoy on the counter. “What is it!” he demanded. “What’s so bad that I can’t see it?”
Sean pondered him for a minute, as if assessing his readiness for the information, then turned to the screen again. “Well… your former girlfriend… “
“Which one?”
“Cheeky bastard!”
“True… but irrelevant. Which one?”
“You’ve only HAD one, Elijah!”
“You fucking WISH! See? There it is! A clear example of how fucking jealous you are, Astin! You’re turning green! Lookit you!!” Elijah pointed at Sean and hooted like a madman.
Sean knew for a FACT that he wasn’t turning green, but he blushed anyway, which only elicited another of storm of snickers. “You’re blushing! I got’cha! Fess up. Got’cha, Sean.” Elijah laughed and began to chant in a sing-song voice: “I got you.. and you know it too!” More snickers.
Sean regarded him for a silent moment, a totally blank expression on his face. Then he turned to the screen. “She says you’re not gay and that people only think you are because you’re short.”
The titters immediately stopped. “She said WHAT?”
Sean lifted his hands to ward off the projectile that launched itself off the stool and onto his lap. “Elijah! You trying to kill me here?”
Elijah pawed at the laptop, trying to see the offending screen… “Nope,” he replied smugly… then turned to Sean and whispered next to his ear… “Did that last night, didn’t I?”
Sean rolled his eyes. “It’s right here. You don’t have to smear up my screen. Elijah! Dammit! Ouch!” Sean yelped as Elijah’s knee dug into his groin.
More hoots of laughter. “Oooops! Sorry, dude.” He grinned and patted Sean’s zipper. “I’ll fix it later.”
Sean slapped his hand away. “The FUCK you will!” He manhandled Elijah into a semi comfortable position on his lap, and refreshed the screen. “There!” He pointed at it. “There you go.”
Elijah stared.
Sean bounced him a couple times then nuzzled his shoulder. “I must say I’m relieved to hear you’re not gay. Makes last night a lot easier for me to rationalize. Though.. it IS distressing to find out that you’re so short that people will THINK you’re gay.” He shook his head, his face twisted with pretend-gloom.
Elijah ignored him. His eyes were on the laptop’s screen, reading intently. “Oh my god, I can’t BELIEVE she said that!!” he spewed finally. “What’s wrong with that girl?” He turned to Sean. “I’m not short… right?”
Sean looked at him for a count of three, then burst into gales of laughter. He tried to speak, but couldn’t. He tried to stop laughing, but couldn’t. He finally pressed his face against Elijah’s shoulder, his whole body shaking silently, and shook his head.
“Was that a ‘no’, Sean?” Elijah asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Sean’s body shook even harder, but his head nodded.
“You wanker! You think I’m short!”
Sean gasped for breath, his arms tight around Elijah’s waist. “No,” he finally crowed. “I think you’re gay!” He pointed at the computer screen. “SHE thinks you’re short!” He snuck a peek at Elijah’s face and exploded, again, into gales of laughter.
“Oh, right! VERY fucking funny!” He tried to jump off Sean’s lap but was held tight.
“Oh, come on, Lij,” Sean soothed, finally able to control himself. “It IS pretty funny.”
Elijah merely glared. “Let me go!”
“No,” Sean told him. “I do NOT think you’re short. I think you’re… just right.”
Elijah continued to glare.
“Besides, duffus, I didn’t say you were short,” Sean pointed out. “That would be girlfriend number 43 over there.” He jerked his thumb toward the computer screen.
“I HAVE had more than one.”
Sean wisely suppressed a smile. “OK. You’ve had more than one.”
“Say you’re sorry.”
“For what??!”
“For saying I’ve only had one girlfriend.”
Sean considered this, then nodded. “OK. I’m sorry you only had one girlfriend.”
"SEAN!"
Sean grinned at him. “OOOOOPS! I mean I’m sorry for saying you only had one girlfriend.”
“Now… fess up.”
“To what?”
“That you’re jealous of all of them.”
“All of them?”
Elijah’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh! All of THEM!” He nodded. “OK. I confess. I’m wild with jealousy of all of them.”
“You don’t mean a word you’re saying, do you.”
“I mean SOME of them.”
Elijah sighed. “She thinks I'm straight, but short.”
“You care what she thinks?”
“No. It bothers me that she felt she had to make up a reason why I wasn’t gay.”
“Well, maybe she’s just confused. Being the One Girlfriend, and all.” Sean hugged him tighter and snickered.
“You gonna start up about that again?”
“Nope. Done.”
Elijah looked skeptical, and Sean crossed his chest with his index finger. “Cross my heart.”
“The One Girlfriend,” Elijah growled, his tone disgusted. He absently curled his finger around Sean’s ear. “You happy to hear that I’m not gay?”
“Well, given what we did last night… let’s just say I’m a tad surprised to hear you’re not gay.”
Elijah pondered for a moment, then shook his head. “I loved her.” He glanced at Sean quickly enough to see him wince. “At the time, Sean. You know?”
Sean nodded. “I know. It’s cool. Sorry. Automatic.”
Elijah smoothed Sean’s hair. “Now… I love YOU.” He pursed his lips as if deliberating. “Weeeell, actually I loved you back then too. But… let’s just say you were… unavailable.”
“Let’s just say I was... chicken-shit,” Sean grumbled.
Elijah nodded. “OK, then! Now we’re rollin’!”
Sean gave him a look.
“So, tell me something, Sean-wiseass. When does someone become a lover. When they come? When they touch? First kiss? What?”
Sean looked puzzled, then sighed. “You’ve gone loopy.”
“NO!” Elijah told him, leaning back.. both hands on Sean’s shoulders, shaking him. “Am I gay because we made love last night? Am I gay because I loved you from day one? If I loved you but didn’t make love with you… would I still be gay? Was I straight when I fucked HER, but turned gay when I fell for YOU?”
"Jesus, and they call ME wordy!"
"You ARE wordy! And you didn't answer me."
“You’re not gay,” Sean told him soberly. “You’re short.”
“Would I get cured of the gay if I got lifts in my shoes?”
“Let’s not try.”
“Guess it’s true about John Wayne, then. He was about 6’ 9” wasn’t he?”
“So was Rock Hudson,” Sean observed, standing up with Elijah still in his arms.
“Where we going?”
“I need to test a theory.”
“The ‘is Elijah gay’ theory?”
“The very one.”
“I can help with that.”
Sean stumbled toward the bed, carrying Elijah with him. “I was counting on that, Elwood.”
“We can email the results to Franka,” Elijah said, as Sean lowered them both to the bed.
“Fuck Franka,” Sean mumbled against Elijah’s throat.
“Can’t,” Elijah moaned, his arms tight around Sean’s neck.
“Mmmmm?”
“I’m way too short for her.”
~ end ~