"He wants to be a producer; pinch our cheeks till we cry ouch! eek! ooh! ow! YES!"
How To Annoy Snape. I don't know who this came from, but I love them and hate them at the same time (moreso love ;P).
150 Ways To Annoy Snape
1. Learn a charm that gives it's unsuspecting victim a large, fluffy, white rabbit's tail. For a week. Put it to good use.
2. Tell him you've lost your pet werewolf and has he seen it?
3. Scatter rose-petals in front of him wherever he goes.
4. Sneak up behind him and shout 'Your robes are on fire!'
5. Hug him. Say you were on strict instructions from Dumbledore to do it.
6. Learn a charm that makes fabric turn day-glo pink. You know what to do next.
7. Get an owl. Name it after him.
8. Go 'Da-da-da-dum!' in a deep voice anytime he passes by or enters a room.
9. Shout '10 points from Professor Snape!' at random moments.
10. Replace all Slytherin insignia in his quarters with that of Hufflepuff.
11. Tell loud stories about Neville Longbottom's Boggart.
12. Make a voodoo doll of Harry Potter. Push pins into it in class and smile knowingly at Snape.
13. Accidentally call him 'Buzz' every now and again, for no good reason.
14. Become his 'Good-Snape' and 'Bad-Snape'. (I.e. Poke your head over his shoulder and advise him according to which Snape you are. Then switch shoulders and say the opposite. Use a silly voice. )
15. Hide your face with your hands in class. When he approaches remove them and shout 'Peek-a-boo!'
16. Leave him invitations to Sirius Black's 'birthday party at the Whomping willow'
17. Squeak softly every time he says your name during roll-call.
18. Get Hermione to teach you a spell revealing the undergarments of it's subject. Use it at every available opportunity.
19. Look terrified and leave the hall ANYTIME he picks up his spoon at mealtimes.
20. 'Need a brush over there Professor?'
21. Follow him closely through the hallways. Imitate his stern look and determined walk. If he turns around, stand still and smile sweetly.
22. Leave copies of Lockhart's biography all around the place.
23. Introduce him with the words "Here is a man who not only has a brilliant mind and a wonderful wit, but can also sing.'
24. Transfigure a jack-in-the box's head to look like him. Wind it up and leave it outside his door. Run like hell.
25. Charm his hair into dreadlocks.
26. Get a hose. Corner him. Spray him down. Run.
27. Doodle things on your potions notes about 'that cute Potter kid'
28. Doodle things on your potions notes about 'that cute Longbottom kid'
29. Offer him tequila.
30. Get a tattoo. One that says 'Sevvie' Insist it has nothing to do with him.
31. Eat chocolate cake in class. Offer to let him lick the plate clean.
32. Every lesson, quote things he said last lesson. Word for word.
33. Transfigure his robes into a Molly-Weasley-esque woollen jumper with a large 'S' on it.
34. Owl him long and detailed accounts of your summer holidays.
35. Dress like him and dye your hair black. Refer to yourself as 'mini-snape'
36. Ask him what his middle name is.
37. Leave a well-worn and sickeningly cute teddy-bear where it can be easily seen by staff and students. Ensure it has a tag, written in a child's hand, stating that he 'belongs to Severus' and is called 'Chuckles'
38. Make casual but loud references to Harry Potter being considered for an Order of Merlin.
39. Talk back in class. With a bad Scottish accent.
40. If you're a sneaky Slytherin, slip him a potion that makes him sing everything he says to the tune of 'I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts'
41. If you're a gutsy Gryffindor, draw a lightening-bolt scar on his forehead when he's asleep.
42. If you're a well-read Ravenclaw, bring large piles of books to class, and verify anything he states. Loudly. (i.e.: 'He's right you know! or 'He's done it again!')
43. If you're a hard-working Hufflepuff, write long extra-curricular essays about the benefits of good, strong cleansing-potions
44. If you're a feisty Faculty member, flick things at him during dinner at the High Table.
45. When he leans down to inspect your work - Grab your wand, place the tip of it directly between his eyes and shout 'Lumos!'
46. Nickname your quill 'Snapey' and talk to it during class.
47. Drop vague hints that McGonagall likes him a little more than strictly necessary.
48. Drop vague hints that Filch likes him a little more than strictly necessary.
49. Get your potion horribly wrong. Smile when he berates you and ask if that deserves a detention.
50. Get your potion all over him. Smile when he splutters incoherently with anger and ask if THAT deserves a detention.
51. Grab some friends. Surround him. Sing the entire soundtrack to Moulin Rouge.
52. Imply that you think Professor Lupin was the only deserving applicant for the Dark Arts job.
53. Leave anonymous notes on his desks. Have them say things like 'Remember that summer in 72, Severus dear?' or 'Meet me in the restricted section...and bring a friend!'
54. Refer to him as 'Cuddles'
55. Smile at him. All the time.
56. Publish a newsletter detailing his life and everyday activities. Call it 'The Daily Snape'
57. Hum 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore' during any moments of silence in class.
58. Ask him why he saved Harry Potter. Ask him every day.
59. Clap noisily when he finishes telling someone off.
60. Knock over your cauldron, spill it everywhere and shout 'Surf's up, Sir!'
61. Sneak into his chambers. Put blast-ended-skrewts in his underwear drawer.
62. Transfigure all his quills into giant purple peacock feathers.
63. Go Christmas carolling at his door. Do not leave or cease singing until dawn. Do this in July.
64. Ask him at the end of every Potions lesson if he knows a good love-potion.
65. Charm his hair bright orange.
66. Ask him if he wants a massage.
67. Hide in his chambers at night. Wake him up by jumping up and down on his bed shouting 'Rise and Shine Professor!'
68. Find out the passwords to his office and private chambers. Cast a spell to change them to 'Fluffy White Kittens' and 'Flowers & Lollipops'
69. Drool in your potion.
70. When he glares at you, give a similar glare back. If he blinks or looks away jump up and shout 'I won!'
71. When he leans towards you in class, looming over you and generally looking menacing - reach up, tweak his nose, then twiddle your thumb between your index and forefinger and say 'Got your nose!' triumphantly.
72. Learn a charm that makes people sprout interesting flowering plants from their hair. Use your imagination.
73. Ask him if he knows who Alan Rickman is.
74. Anytime you catch his eye, wink at him.
75. When he next deducts points from you, threaten to drop him from 32 storeys.
76. Call him Severus.
77. If you're brave, call him Sev.
78. If you're really brave, call him 'Sevvie-kins'.
79. If you're suicidal, call him 'precious-little-Sevvie-kins'
80. When he's teaching, say 'Delicious' or 'Scrumptious!' after every ingredient he lists off.
81. Ask him about his private life and personal hygiene.
82. Present him with a pet baby bunny rabbit every few weeks. Tell him each one is called Minerva.
83. Form a cheerleading squad. Make up a dance and chant for him. Follow him around.
84. Send him Valentines in February.
85. Send him Valentines in August.
86. To avoid suspicion and create more annoyance, give vague hints in these Valentines that they are from a certain blonde Slytherin.
87. Offer him sweets. Every chance you get. Insist that he try the green ones.
88. Set his robes on fire.
89. Set your own robes on fire. Insist that he save you.
90. Doodle things on your left arm during his lessons
91. Follow him around singing cheerful Beatles songs until you can sing no more.
92. Find out when his birthday is. Throw a surprise party. Shower him with gold ribbons and pink balloons.
93. Make a habit out of grabbing Harry Potter and dragging him into Snape's office by his ears, crying 'Here he is Sir! I've got him!'
94. Transfigure all the buttons down his front into large, pink flowers.
95. Turn in all your essays on perfumed paper covered in scribbled little love-hearts.
96. When he turns his back, imitate anything he just said in a high, squeaky voice.
97. Procure some ferret-droppings. Leave a large pile of them in his desk. Insist that Draco Malfoy did it.
98. Show up drunk.
99. Giggle constantly. Give no reason. Continue until he kicks you out of the dungeons.
100. Fall completely, head-over-heels in love with him. Let everybody know about it.
101. Stand at the entrance to the Potions classroom. Charge entry.
102. Ask him if he's ticklish. Tell him if he lies 'you'll know'.
103. Sacrifice small creatures and first-years in his name.
104. Offer to 'bewitch his mind and ensnare his senses.'
105. Conclude potions lessons with the words 'See you next time folks! Same bat time! Same bat channel!'
106. Sign him up for Madam Hooch's new class. 'Physical Fitness for the Mentally Depressed'
107. Hum and whistle the score from Austin Powers the moment he enters the Potions room.
108. Be sure to let him know when there's a full moon coming.
109. Every time his back is turned in class, move one seat closer to him. Continue until you are directly in front of him or the lesson ends.
110. In speaking with him, casually refer to Voldemort as 'yer boss'
111. Scheme loudly about him in the library. When you know he's behind the nearest shelf.
112. Greet him as you would a life-long friend, punch him in the arm and call him 'Sevster, old pal'
113. Charm his bed sheets to entangle him in his sleep, ensuring he must wrestle them for a quarter-hour each morning just to get out of bed.
114. Sit with him at Quidditch matches. Promise loudly to 'protect him from those nasty little Gryffindor girls.'
115. Owl him the lyrics to your favourite songs.
116. Tell him at great length about your newly brewed potion which you have called 'brown-gunk-in-a-bottle'.
117. Shiver with some undisclosed emotion should he call on you in class.
118. Transfigure his robes into comic-book super-hero style tights, cape, logo and utility belt.
119. Mutter loudly in class that he '...still owes me rent'
120. Should he ever sarcastically enquire if you would like a detention, hold up a hand and say 'I will not be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!'
121. Ask him if he fears the sunlight, or is he just naturally pale?
122. Sign your name on anything of his you can get hold of.
123. Transfigure his cauldron into a large sack of milk-duds.
124. 'Forget healing potions, Sir! Lets bottle some fame!'
125. Hide behind him anytime Harry Potter approaches.
126. 'Wingardium Leviosa' the back of his robes so that they float vertically behind him and look like a 6-foot-high collar.
127. Offer to knight him.
128. Squint at him non-stop from the very second he comes into your view until he leaves again. Do this for the entire month of March, every year of your attendance.
129. Launch into a hearty rendition of the B-52s 'Love Shack' anytime he needs to go anywhere near Hagrid's hut.
130. Walk around carrying the end of his robes like a bridal gown.
131. Follow him at a distance. Try to make it obvious what you are doing.
132. Sneak up on him and jab him in the ribs. Screech 'poke!' loudly and run
off.
133. Ask for his autograph.
134. Hire some thugs. Have them beat people up who say anything against the good name of Snape. Or who looked like they might have been thinking it.
135. Ask him at what age his hair 'lost it's natural lustre and shine?'
136. Question his stability regularly.
137. Volunteer to assist him. Drop or break anything he requires you to be in contact with.
138. Let him catch you pretending your wand is a light-sabre. Ask him if he wants to be Obi-Wan or Han Solo. Offer to show him how to make the correct 'sabre-sounds'.
139. When he calls on you in class, look stunned, stutter and garble some nonsense - then fall out of your seat.
140. Ask when he's 'gonna get to the brewing glory part?'
141. Stand guard outside his chambers. Make fists and 'tough-arms' at anyone who looks that way twice. If questioned, state that you 'wouldn't want anything to happen to him'
142. Dust the floor behind him, following him as he walks. Also dust anything he touches.
143. Charm his hair into ringlets.
144. Put up a notice proclaiming the formation of your own fan-club. Sign his name as the first eager member.
145. Invite him to join you for a nice, healthy game of musical chairs.
146. Leave Harry Potter bound and gagged outside Snape's rooms every morning for a year.
147. Anytime he comes near you, hold up your robes above your head with one arm and shelter beneath them until he leaves.
148. Subscribe to unlikely magazines in his name.
149. When he enters his classroom, scurry over and wipe down his seat before he has a chance to sit down.
150. Write his biography. Have it published. Offer him a signed copy.
This list is 'To Be Contiuned' by the way. The list is way too long (as it should be).
And WHO LOVES MY HARRY POTTER MOOD THEME?! YOU do, that's who.
150 Ways To Annoy Snape
1. Learn a charm that gives it's unsuspecting victim a large, fluffy, white rabbit's tail. For a week. Put it to good use.
2. Tell him you've lost your pet werewolf and has he seen it?
3. Scatter rose-petals in front of him wherever he goes.
4. Sneak up behind him and shout 'Your robes are on fire!'
5. Hug him. Say you were on strict instructions from Dumbledore to do it.
6. Learn a charm that makes fabric turn day-glo pink. You know what to do next.
7. Get an owl. Name it after him.
8. Go 'Da-da-da-dum!' in a deep voice anytime he passes by or enters a room.
9. Shout '10 points from Professor Snape!' at random moments.
10. Replace all Slytherin insignia in his quarters with that of Hufflepuff.
11. Tell loud stories about Neville Longbottom's Boggart.
12. Make a voodoo doll of Harry Potter. Push pins into it in class and smile knowingly at Snape.
13. Accidentally call him 'Buzz' every now and again, for no good reason.
14. Become his 'Good-Snape' and 'Bad-Snape'. (I.e. Poke your head over his shoulder and advise him according to which Snape you are. Then switch shoulders and say the opposite. Use a silly voice. )
15. Hide your face with your hands in class. When he approaches remove them and shout 'Peek-a-boo!'
16. Leave him invitations to Sirius Black's 'birthday party at the Whomping willow'
17. Squeak softly every time he says your name during roll-call.
18. Get Hermione to teach you a spell revealing the undergarments of it's subject. Use it at every available opportunity.
19. Look terrified and leave the hall ANYTIME he picks up his spoon at mealtimes.
20. 'Need a brush over there Professor?'
21. Follow him closely through the hallways. Imitate his stern look and determined walk. If he turns around, stand still and smile sweetly.
22. Leave copies of Lockhart's biography all around the place.
23. Introduce him with the words "Here is a man who not only has a brilliant mind and a wonderful wit, but can also sing.'
24. Transfigure a jack-in-the box's head to look like him. Wind it up and leave it outside his door. Run like hell.
25. Charm his hair into dreadlocks.
26. Get a hose. Corner him. Spray him down. Run.
27. Doodle things on your potions notes about 'that cute Potter kid'
28. Doodle things on your potions notes about 'that cute Longbottom kid'
29. Offer him tequila.
30. Get a tattoo. One that says 'Sevvie' Insist it has nothing to do with him.
31. Eat chocolate cake in class. Offer to let him lick the plate clean.
32. Every lesson, quote things he said last lesson. Word for word.
33. Transfigure his robes into a Molly-Weasley-esque woollen jumper with a large 'S' on it.
34. Owl him long and detailed accounts of your summer holidays.
35. Dress like him and dye your hair black. Refer to yourself as 'mini-snape'
36. Ask him what his middle name is.
37. Leave a well-worn and sickeningly cute teddy-bear where it can be easily seen by staff and students. Ensure it has a tag, written in a child's hand, stating that he 'belongs to Severus' and is called 'Chuckles'
38. Make casual but loud references to Harry Potter being considered for an Order of Merlin.
39. Talk back in class. With a bad Scottish accent.
40. If you're a sneaky Slytherin, slip him a potion that makes him sing everything he says to the tune of 'I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts'
41. If you're a gutsy Gryffindor, draw a lightening-bolt scar on his forehead when he's asleep.
42. If you're a well-read Ravenclaw, bring large piles of books to class, and verify anything he states. Loudly. (i.e.: 'He's right you know! or 'He's done it again!')
43. If you're a hard-working Hufflepuff, write long extra-curricular essays about the benefits of good, strong cleansing-potions
44. If you're a feisty Faculty member, flick things at him during dinner at the High Table.
45. When he leans down to inspect your work - Grab your wand, place the tip of it directly between his eyes and shout 'Lumos!'
46. Nickname your quill 'Snapey' and talk to it during class.
47. Drop vague hints that McGonagall likes him a little more than strictly necessary.
48. Drop vague hints that Filch likes him a little more than strictly necessary.
49. Get your potion horribly wrong. Smile when he berates you and ask if that deserves a detention.
50. Get your potion all over him. Smile when he splutters incoherently with anger and ask if THAT deserves a detention.
51. Grab some friends. Surround him. Sing the entire soundtrack to Moulin Rouge.
52. Imply that you think Professor Lupin was the only deserving applicant for the Dark Arts job.
53. Leave anonymous notes on his desks. Have them say things like 'Remember that summer in 72, Severus dear?' or 'Meet me in the restricted section...and bring a friend!'
54. Refer to him as 'Cuddles'
55. Smile at him. All the time.
56. Publish a newsletter detailing his life and everyday activities. Call it 'The Daily Snape'
57. Hum 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore' during any moments of silence in class.
58. Ask him why he saved Harry Potter. Ask him every day.
59. Clap noisily when he finishes telling someone off.
60. Knock over your cauldron, spill it everywhere and shout 'Surf's up, Sir!'
61. Sneak into his chambers. Put blast-ended-skrewts in his underwear drawer.
62. Transfigure all his quills into giant purple peacock feathers.
63. Go Christmas carolling at his door. Do not leave or cease singing until dawn. Do this in July.
64. Ask him at the end of every Potions lesson if he knows a good love-potion.
65. Charm his hair bright orange.
66. Ask him if he wants a massage.
67. Hide in his chambers at night. Wake him up by jumping up and down on his bed shouting 'Rise and Shine Professor!'
68. Find out the passwords to his office and private chambers. Cast a spell to change them to 'Fluffy White Kittens' and 'Flowers & Lollipops'
69. Drool in your potion.
70. When he glares at you, give a similar glare back. If he blinks or looks away jump up and shout 'I won!'
71. When he leans towards you in class, looming over you and generally looking menacing - reach up, tweak his nose, then twiddle your thumb between your index and forefinger and say 'Got your nose!' triumphantly.
72. Learn a charm that makes people sprout interesting flowering plants from their hair. Use your imagination.
73. Ask him if he knows who Alan Rickman is.
74. Anytime you catch his eye, wink at him.
75. When he next deducts points from you, threaten to drop him from 32 storeys.
76. Call him Severus.
77. If you're brave, call him Sev.
78. If you're really brave, call him 'Sevvie-kins'.
79. If you're suicidal, call him 'precious-little-Sevvie-kins'
80. When he's teaching, say 'Delicious' or 'Scrumptious!' after every ingredient he lists off.
81. Ask him about his private life and personal hygiene.
82. Present him with a pet baby bunny rabbit every few weeks. Tell him each one is called Minerva.
83. Form a cheerleading squad. Make up a dance and chant for him. Follow him around.
84. Send him Valentines in February.
85. Send him Valentines in August.
86. To avoid suspicion and create more annoyance, give vague hints in these Valentines that they are from a certain blonde Slytherin.
87. Offer him sweets. Every chance you get. Insist that he try the green ones.
88. Set his robes on fire.
89. Set your own robes on fire. Insist that he save you.
90. Doodle things on your left arm during his lessons
91. Follow him around singing cheerful Beatles songs until you can sing no more.
92. Find out when his birthday is. Throw a surprise party. Shower him with gold ribbons and pink balloons.
93. Make a habit out of grabbing Harry Potter and dragging him into Snape's office by his ears, crying 'Here he is Sir! I've got him!'
94. Transfigure all the buttons down his front into large, pink flowers.
95. Turn in all your essays on perfumed paper covered in scribbled little love-hearts.
96. When he turns his back, imitate anything he just said in a high, squeaky voice.
97. Procure some ferret-droppings. Leave a large pile of them in his desk. Insist that Draco Malfoy did it.
98. Show up drunk.
99. Giggle constantly. Give no reason. Continue until he kicks you out of the dungeons.
100. Fall completely, head-over-heels in love with him. Let everybody know about it.
101. Stand at the entrance to the Potions classroom. Charge entry.
102. Ask him if he's ticklish. Tell him if he lies 'you'll know'.
103. Sacrifice small creatures and first-years in his name.
104. Offer to 'bewitch his mind and ensnare his senses.'
105. Conclude potions lessons with the words 'See you next time folks! Same bat time! Same bat channel!'
106. Sign him up for Madam Hooch's new class. 'Physical Fitness for the Mentally Depressed'
107. Hum and whistle the score from Austin Powers the moment he enters the Potions room.
108. Be sure to let him know when there's a full moon coming.
109. Every time his back is turned in class, move one seat closer to him. Continue until you are directly in front of him or the lesson ends.
110. In speaking with him, casually refer to Voldemort as 'yer boss'
111. Scheme loudly about him in the library. When you know he's behind the nearest shelf.
112. Greet him as you would a life-long friend, punch him in the arm and call him 'Sevster, old pal'
113. Charm his bed sheets to entangle him in his sleep, ensuring he must wrestle them for a quarter-hour each morning just to get out of bed.
114. Sit with him at Quidditch matches. Promise loudly to 'protect him from those nasty little Gryffindor girls.'
115. Owl him the lyrics to your favourite songs.
116. Tell him at great length about your newly brewed potion which you have called 'brown-gunk-in-a-bottle'.
117. Shiver with some undisclosed emotion should he call on you in class.
118. Transfigure his robes into comic-book super-hero style tights, cape, logo and utility belt.
119. Mutter loudly in class that he '...still owes me rent'
120. Should he ever sarcastically enquire if you would like a detention, hold up a hand and say 'I will not be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!'
121. Ask him if he fears the sunlight, or is he just naturally pale?
122. Sign your name on anything of his you can get hold of.
123. Transfigure his cauldron into a large sack of milk-duds.
124. 'Forget healing potions, Sir! Lets bottle some fame!'
125. Hide behind him anytime Harry Potter approaches.
126. 'Wingardium Leviosa' the back of his robes so that they float vertically behind him and look like a 6-foot-high collar.
127. Offer to knight him.
128. Squint at him non-stop from the very second he comes into your view until he leaves again. Do this for the entire month of March, every year of your attendance.
129. Launch into a hearty rendition of the B-52s 'Love Shack' anytime he needs to go anywhere near Hagrid's hut.
130. Walk around carrying the end of his robes like a bridal gown.
131. Follow him at a distance. Try to make it obvious what you are doing.
132. Sneak up on him and jab him in the ribs. Screech 'poke!' loudly and run
off.
133. Ask for his autograph.
134. Hire some thugs. Have them beat people up who say anything against the good name of Snape. Or who looked like they might have been thinking it.
135. Ask him at what age his hair 'lost it's natural lustre and shine?'
136. Question his stability regularly.
137. Volunteer to assist him. Drop or break anything he requires you to be in contact with.
138. Let him catch you pretending your wand is a light-sabre. Ask him if he wants to be Obi-Wan or Han Solo. Offer to show him how to make the correct 'sabre-sounds'.
139. When he calls on you in class, look stunned, stutter and garble some nonsense - then fall out of your seat.
140. Ask when he's 'gonna get to the brewing glory part?'
141. Stand guard outside his chambers. Make fists and 'tough-arms' at anyone who looks that way twice. If questioned, state that you 'wouldn't want anything to happen to him'
142. Dust the floor behind him, following him as he walks. Also dust anything he touches.
143. Charm his hair into ringlets.
144. Put up a notice proclaiming the formation of your own fan-club. Sign his name as the first eager member.
145. Invite him to join you for a nice, healthy game of musical chairs.
146. Leave Harry Potter bound and gagged outside Snape's rooms every morning for a year.
147. Anytime he comes near you, hold up your robes above your head with one arm and shelter beneath them until he leaves.
148. Subscribe to unlikely magazines in his name.
149. When he enters his classroom, scurry over and wipe down his seat before he has a chance to sit down.
150. Write his biography. Have it published. Offer him a signed copy.
This list is 'To Be Contiuned' by the way. The list is way too long (as it should be).
And WHO LOVES MY HARRY POTTER MOOD THEME?! YOU do, that's who.