In memory of my second mother

[rainsinger]

Apologies for the continuous radio silence in these here parts. Various things have been going on (overwork and tension mostly) and I have had not the luxury of the computer time (when your boss sits behind you at work it really sabotages one's love affair with the blogging). There's been some sadness, and illness, and dead rodentia in the garden

Comments

[prophetessamy]

that poem. wow. my whole body just sank. wow.
I'm so sorry for your hurt.

[rainsinger]

Yes, that poem really struck a chord with me when I read it. I'm all right, I'm just... processing.

[rainsinger]

hehehe, How To Misplace Important Parental Figures like hairclips by Nina and Ally. ;)

That poem totally made me shiver and cry and wish I'd written it.

I love you and I miss you.

[dubaiyan]

Re: *saves poem*

[rainsinger]

*points you in the direction of the Louise Gluck poem sorceresz left in her comment for added poignancy and more other damn bastards putting things into words more elegantly than me.

Re: *saves poem*

[rainsinger]

Also, thank you for your thoughts.

[actually_not]

A Fantasy
Louise Glück

I'll tell you something: every day
people are dying. And that's just the beginning.
Every day, in funeral homes, new widows are born,
new orphans. They sit with their hands folded,
trying to decide about this new life.

Then they're in the cemetery, some of them
for the first time. They're frightened of crying,
sometimes of not crying. Someone leans over,
tells them what to do next, which might mean
saying a few words, sometimes
throwing dirt in the open grave.

And after that, everyone goes back to the house,
which is suddenly full of visitors.
The widow sits on the couch, very stately,
so people line up to approach her,
sometimes take her hand, sometimes embrace her.
She finds something to say to everbody,
thanks them, thanks them for coming.

In her heart, she wants them to go away.
She wants to be back in the cemetery,
back in the sickroom, the hospital. She knows
it isn't possible. But it's her only hope,
the wish to move backward. And just a little,
not so far as the marriage, the first kiss.

[yogioflight]

"...the wish to move backwards..." This was my mothers experience, when losing my father, she wanted with all her heart to go back "just a little" to when he was in a hospital bed at deaths door, and in the hospital she wanted to go back to when he was in a wheel chair unable to speak, and when he was in the wheel chair she wanted to go back to when he could use his walking frame. O my God, my heart aches for her pain and i have moist eyes typing this..... thank you for posting this, we don't know eachother, I just happened to find this by chance.... a zen saying comes to mind, "People generally have to wait until their times of difficulty are over to realise that there is a bright side to such things. If one can have perception at the moment, then summer has its advantage and winter is also wonderful."....

[rainsinger]

Wow. That's haunting. And so true.

(on an unrelated note, I love your icon)

[actually_not]

Thank you :-)

Louise Gluck writes beautiful poetry. There are lots more here if you're interested. Hope you are feeling better.

[elf_awareness]

Hey. I'd been thinking about you and Z and the kitties.

If you need me, I'm still around.
Meet me by the tree.

[rainsinger]

:)

I'm all right really, just still in the throes of my quiet time.

How are you? What's up in your life?

I don't know if this will post twice

[elf_awareness]

I have no doubt you're alright. You'll work everything out in your own time.

I guess I'm steady... wether that's good or bad, I don't know yet. It seems all signs are pointing me to a time of quiet of my own. There just seems to be more of me all the time. Or less as the case may be.(I am SO glad I don't get all crytic anymore!)

On lighter notes, I am enjoying the hell out of the Sirius radio Rolling Stones channel.
My own melodies are gettin stronger on guitar.
As I wrote some of that just now I became aware of an ant cleaning her face, sitting on my left pointer finger. Hmmmm.

Anyway, I don't know if you still IM. But sometimes I am around on IM under Bowmanderf.