"Now Learn from Your Mother..."

[rainbowjehan]

1. What do you do when someone you consider a pretty good friend keeps talking about stuff you have explicitly said is triggering to you, even when you have asked her to stop? (i.e. you said "ilu but please stop telling me about how much weight you're losing, how much fat is in the food I eat, etc" and she said "but I want you to be healthy" and

Comments

[raanve]

I think you say, as lovingly as possible, "I appreciate your concern, but when you talk to me about this, it's actively harmful. You need to stop. This is not up for negotiation."

And then if she persists, you have to either stop her and say, "remember what we talked about? Stop. Let's talk about something else." Or if that doesn't get results, you can just leave/end the conversation. It is hard, but it's worthwhile to enforce your boundaries. And if she wants you to be healthy, that means your mental health -- which in this is tied to your overall physical health. She needs to respect that or get walking. :/ (Tired!Jess is No Patience!Jess. But I'm quite serious about this as a potential response.)

[dreamer_easy]

Echoed. Polite but firm.

[mhari]

+1

[rainbowjehan]

Ugh. You're right, definitely, I'm just avoidant. And I don't want to antagonise her too much, because I think she's lonely and she needs people to hang out with.

She's also super excite about her weight loss because she was on fibro meds that made her gain nearly fifty pounds, and she's finally getting back down to her original pre-med weight, so I respect that she's pleased about it. And I've tried not to have a problem with that. It's just when she starts talking about how all the food at school is bad for you and she won't eat with me if I eat in the refectory because she "wants me to be healthy" that I start to get squicked, because it's hard for me to eat ANYWAY and I don't need to start viewing the refectory as a place where I'll be judged if I eat there and aklfjalksjfklasjfalksjdals dammit.

[bewareofitalics]

If the above doesn't work, you could try writing her a letter. It might be easier to be firm that way, and maybe she'd take your request more seriously if it was written down and she couldn't just dismiss it.

[rainbowjehan]

The only reason I'm leery of a letter is that I don't want to seem passive-aggressive by not addressing it face to face. Otherwise, I think I do express myself better in writing.

[josiana]

I second the letter writing idea, because it allows you to approach the subject in a less confrontational manner and gives her time to think about it? And maybe it will help to emphasize the importance of the subject.

I hope the bad horror is soothing. &hearts

[rainbowjehan]

Yeahhh. As I said above, I like the writing except that I'm worried that she'll think I'm being passive-aggressive. :/ I'm not sure.

It is FUN. Dang.