Love's Design (JongKey; PG-13)
Title: Love’s Design
Authors: personified & a_life_defiant
Paring: JongKey
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8,165 words
Summary: Key is a very determined young man, who will let nothing get in the way of his career as a fashion designer. But what happens when someone he thought he’d lost forever, shows back up, front and center, in his life?
A/N: Written for the challenge at collabficfest
***
Key strode across the college campus; sliding his Ray-Bans back. It wasn't particularly sunny out, so there wasn't any real reason to wear them on his face. He opted instead to perch them on his head, giving himself a cool 'I don't care about fashion, even though these sunglasses cost a fortune' look. He did need to look fashionable after all. He'd just transferred to the Arts Academy after spending two years at the local college. This university had a much better program for fashion design and Key never wanted anything unless it was the best. Even if that meant working himself to the bone. He intended to achieve greatness at a young age, and he knew many sacrifices came along with that. He had already sacrificed his sleep, social life, and even his past relationships to get to where he was today. Top of his class at his previous school, with grades that had the Arts Academy practically begging him to attend.
He'd already been through orientation and today was his first day of full classes. The campus was so big, he knew it would take him some time to adjust and feel everyone out; especially the teachers. That, besides his extreme hard work, was the reason to his success- knowing the teachers. He was good at analyzing them and figuring out exactly what they wanted to see from their students. It was a trick he'd picked up in high school that never failed to earn his desired results.
He sauntered down the hallway amid the crowd of other students as he tried to locate his first class. Figure Drawing 301, in room 263. He raked his eyes over the numbers on the wall before finally spotting his classroom at the end of the corridor. He pulled the brass knob of the heavy wooden door and made his entrance. There were only about twelve other students inside and no teacher. He was rather early, but he much preferred that over being tardy. Early always looked good, whereas late just looked sloppy. Key didn't do sloppy. Besides it gave him more time to get settled into his environment and size up the other students. There were a few tragic outfits in the room; petite girls who assumed because they were small and cute that they could wear whatever and call it 'avant guard'. They were seriously mistaken, but he decided not to call them out on it just yet. A few of the other male students were wearing, what Key recognized as, outfits swiped verbatim from GQ magazine. Unoriginal. The rest of the students he gave mild approval to. Simple structured pieces with a good balance of accessories. He made a mental note to watch out for them, because they were the most likely candidates to actually know the material in the course. He set his messenger bag down the desk he'd chosen; almost precisely middle of the room. He liked to be able to see what was going on around him at all times, yet still be noticeable to the instructor.
Ten minutes passed and the professor finally entered the room with his assistant in tow; carrying stacks of paper and workbooks.
"Hello students. I'm professor Park and I will be your instructor for this semester. This is my teaching assistant Mr. Kim."
Key made a slight gasp as the TA set the materials on the professor's desk; exposing his face. Mr. Kim was none other than Kim Jonghyun, Key's ex-boyfriend. One of those aforementioned sacrifices. He hadn't seen the older boy since their last year of high school, after they broke up and Jonghyun's family made a sudden move. Their eyes locked briefly and Jonghyun wore a startled expression for a fraction of a second before regaining his composure. Key cleared his throat and did the same.
"I'll be doing role call while my assistant hands out your syllabi and workbooks." Professor Park announced.
He began to call each students name out while Jonghyun went to the end of each aisle and handed out the materials. The teacher's monotone voice bled into the air and dissipated into a low murmur as Key tried not to watch every minuscule movement that Jonghyun was making.
"Kim Kibum." Professor Park droned and Jonghyun immediately dropped the stack of papers in his hands.
"Present." Key replied, unable to tear his eyes away from a flustered Jonghyun.
He laughed internally, remembering how Jonghyun used to get so frustrated over the smallest things. He felt a faint stab to his heart when he met eyes again with the older boy. It was the same look that he'd given Key when they broke up- more specifically the look he gave when Key had dumped him with no real explanation. The younger boy's head snapped back in the direction of the teacher, unable to withstand the emotions that Jonghyun was stirring up inside of him.
For the rest of the class his eyes stayed on Professor Park, but his mind was miles away. He had so many questions. Where had Jonghyun moved to all those years ago? How did he manage to become a TA so early? But mostly he was asking himself if he was going to be able to make it through the semester with someone he'd loved and threw away, being there to haunt him?
The first week went by with no incident. It wasn't until the second week, when Professor Park assigned a partner project, that the shit hit the fan. The class consisted of twelve students plus Key. As in thirteen students altogether, as in an uneven number. Professor Park assigned the partners, and because Key was about as lucky as an old pair of socks, Key was the odd man out.
"Key-goon, please see me after class. I want to discuss the partner project with you." Professor Park instructed after he'd verbally assigned partners to the rest of the class.
Key managed a weak nod. He was unsure what to make of the situation. Was his work sub-par? It couldn't be, he'd been getting top marks in all the assignments thus far. Was he going to have to work alone? That wasn't a scenario he minded, he found he worked best alone anyway. Something about it all just felt off. Especially the way that Jonghyun was practically glaring daggers at him during class. Key felt an odd twisting sensation in his stomach. Like how when you break something valuable in your parents house during a party and are too scared to tell them truth, so you blame it on the cat instead.
As the other students filed out of the classroom, Key took his time gathering his materials before making his way up to the Professor and Jonghyun.
"You wanted to see me?" Key picked nervously at the strap of his brown, leather messenger bag.
"Yes. Kibum, you may or may not know that you are top of this class. Your work is impeccable and inspired."
"Thank you." The younger boy smiled gently while trying not to look at Jonghyun.
"Which is why, since we have an odd number of students, I've decided to pair you up with Mr. Kim."
"WHAT?!" Key shrieked, much louder than he'd wanted.
The startled look on Professor Park's face made him back-track.
"I'm sorry. I was just surprised. I didn't mean to shout. I'm flattered that you think my work is good, but don't you think the students will be upset when they find out I'm working with the teacher's assistant?"
"Jonghyun won't be grading any of these projects, so the grades will remain unbiased."
"I see." Key nodded stiffly.
"So like everyone else you'll be working together for the next three weeks. Life sketches of each other in great detail. Jonghyun, I expect you to draw as well as I'll be adding this to your work report for the school."
"I understand." Jonghyun's response was short and cold. The tone of it made Key's skin crawl.
"Well, I'll leave you both to it." Professor Park gathered his briefcase and left quickly.
Jonghyun and Key stayed in the same positions for several minutes. The silence felt like a noose around Key's neck; constricting tighter and tighter until he couldn't take it anymore. He opened his mouth to speak but Jonghyun cut him off before he could utter one syllable.
"I don't like this anymore than you do, so let's just suck it up and do the work. I'm not going to get a bad work report because of you." Jonghyun's voice was acidic; a stark contrast to the loving tones Key remembered.
The older boy's statement wounded him, but he quickly went defensive. He wasn't about to let Jonghyun walk all over him just because they had a history.
"Yah! You think I want to compromise my grade either? I'm top in the class, I refuse to slip. So we are going to work on this and you are going to drop the attitude." He hissed.
Jonghyun locked Key in a cold glare before shoving a piece of paper at the younger boy.
"That's my number, you can text me your class schedule so we can figure out when to meet up."
"Fine." Key responded curtly as Jonghyun made his way toward the door.
The older boy stopped, hand clenching at the door handle, and turned around.
"And Kibum?" He spoke lowly; seriousness lacing every word. "After this is over, I want you to lose my number."
Key stood next to the Professor's desk completely taken aback. Jonghyun had changed so much since he last saw him and Key honestly didn't know what to make of it. Was he really that bitter towards Key all these years later?
He remained there for what seemed like an eternity, lost in thought. He fought the tears that were threatening to fall out of his eyes. He kept flashing back to how he'd broken up with Jonghyun. The only thing he'd told the older boy was that it was over. He hadn't explained how his grades were slipping because he spent all his time with Jonghyun. Or how when they weren't together he was always thinking about the other boy and his soft, brown, puppy-esque eyes and his plush lips. He didn't explain how he was so infatuated that he sometimes couldn't think straight. He also didn't let the older boy know how he found out his grades were on the same downward spiral. He'd never said any of it. He knew that if he had, Jonghyun would never have let go. Their feelings were too intense, and the only thing they would have done was drag each other down. How could he ever have explained that their love would only hurt them in the long run? There wasn't any way, so Key had done what he had to do to end it before it got any more serious.
Now all he wanted was to tell Jonghyun the truth. He wanted those loving gazes back instead of the dark stares he received as of late. But at the same time he didn't want to sacrifice his career goals.
He snapped out of his daze and checked his watch. He only had ten minutes until his next class all the way across campus. He would have to run at full speed if he wanted a chance in hell at making it on time. It seemed like no matter how much time had passed, he was bound to repeat his old mistakes. Hadn't he had enough of this heartache and bullshit he went through after the breakup? The tears and remnants of memories held in the form of torn pictures he kept in his drawer all these years. He didn't care about the blatant ignorant comments casted his way, it was the silent whispers and eye contacts passed around whenever someone he knew was there. No one understood his pain, his story was silenced to him but elaborated to everyone else. It started with the harmless, 'They had a quarrel' to the short craze over 'Did you hear?'. 'He has cancer', 'I saw him with another boy the other day!', 'They were in an abusive relationship.' and other nonsensical reasonings Key found were absurd. Why did their breakup even affect the rest that much?
Key furrowed his brows as Jonghyun settled his elbows on his table, eyes with the refusal to back away.
"I suppose you really want to fail this trimester, don't you?"
Had the school not been there in entirety, Key would've reached and pulled out a whopping resonating punch against that smug face of his. He didn't need this mockery prancing right in his face; He was Kim Kibum- the fashion all-knowing 22 year-old.
"Lost your number," Key sighed out monotonously, a soft emotionless 'Sorry' rolled off his tongue like a scripted drama.
"Why, that was fast. I suppose, during your 'fun-time' with another guy? Or a girl, over these years?" he scoffed.
Key swore he was holding back his punches, the grip on his other arm tightening.
"Look, I'm not here to pick a fight with you. I'm trying to help you, I mean... I am your partner for this project, after all. I need to help you, and you, can take the least initiative your snobby ass allows you to." Jonghyun stood up and straightened his clothes, arms flexing a little.
"Take this piece of paper, and keep it in your breast pocket. Right next to your heart. Keep it safe, we don't want you to lose something so precious like how someone did three years back. Heard he booked a one-way ticket to hell."
"Get out of my face." Key turned away, teeth gritted. "Right now."
"Alright, alright, poopy head. Don't lose my number again, text me."
It was as though the moments of frustration that Key had swallowed down all bubbled up again. He couldn't differentiate the difference between what could've happened and what has already happened. There was a short debate in his inner mind that wondered if he was actually alive. Times and times of the turmoil he went through came up, the guilt and the regret of ever letting Jonghyun go because of his own selfish needs. They probably would've still been together if Key hadn't watched that stupid show on runway models and glamorous moments famous designers had. His fingers clenched on the tiny piece of unevenly torn paper, thumb twiddling the loose piece at the side.
Key knew he wore every expression well, just not the expression of being nervous and afraid at the same time. He was tired of the affliction he felt whenever he saw Jonghyun wandering around campus. He knew he shouldn't be feeling that way; it's all over. They were past- no longer to be dug up to him, but at the very same time, he knew Jonghyun was all up to go against that barrier. He had wanted Key to be broken like how he was, sent to a colorless world with no sun to shine on him.
Truth to be told, there was hardly a moment had passed without thinking about Jonghyun. Maybe it slowly crept into his mind- no one knew why. Not even Key. Others' would say 'Time would heal everything' but that's just a load of rubbish. He'd thought he would never survive- he prayed for a period of peace in his head. No love.
No Jonghyun.
Key thought he had everything figured out. He would live alone with a bunch of little kittens, maybe die in regret, feeling guilty about Jonghyun till his last intake of breath. If he were to ever fall in love again, he'd sort his own feelings out. He had been sacrificing way too much.
To: +019 7452 8629
Mon 2 Fri - 9.25 am - 3.30 pm classes 4.30 - 7.30 club actv. Sat - 1.40 pm - 3.30 pm club actv. Sun - Free
Sent at 5:53pm
Just for a second, Key brooded over whether sending that text had been a good idea. I mean, Jonghyun would probably rage over how he didn't bothered to take the first step. Or then again, if things really don't work out as how he wished they would, he could probably mention how Jonghyun's all knit-picking on him. Maybe change a partner here or there. Even better, just let him be alone. Not that it hasn't happened before- no one was willing to work with a selective person like him. Wasn't his fault that the girl assigned to him got the wrong type of textile! He asked for felt, not silk. Moreover, the ideas were nowhere near the urban concept. She should've just stayed in her era of leopard skins in the stone-age.
The reply Key received came nearly an hour later after, pretty long for a efficient worker like him.
From: +019 7452 8629 what bout now
Received at 7:00pm
Well, maybe this was just another way God found to torture him. In the form of his ex, and having to put up with the shit he threw in his way.
To: +019 7452 8629 okay. wheer?
Sent at 7:01pm
From: +019 7452 8629 my house. and u have a typo. *where
Received at 7:09pm
To: +019 7452 8629 address?
Sent at 7:13pm
From: +019 7452 8629 we'll meet at the coffee house near campus. my apartment is just a few blocks away.
Received at 7:25pm
To: +019 7452 8626 ok meet you in 20 minutes time
Sent at 7:27pm
It was probably a lie if Key had said that he wasn't looking forward to meeting Jonghyun again. After all, it had been such a long time since they met, and even though Key knew that Jonghyun still held onto that bitter memory, he couldn't let him go. He couldn't let them go.
The distance to the coffee house was actually less than half a kilometer, just that he needed a few extra time to pick out his clothes. So what if he looked great even in a potato sack? He needed to look presentable everywhere he went. Not that he needed to impress Jonghyun, but it was just something everyone would do. Jonghyun was, his TA and partner, no matter how much reasoning you had. Anyone with a relation to his school meant that he had to be appropriately dressed on any occasion. And maybe he felt the need to show that he was no longer the same Kibum his ex knew- he was now Key. He didn't really know what had changed within himself, but according to others, he looked much better but his character had taken a turn for the worse.
"Took you long enough." Jonghyun got up from his seat, patting off the imaginary dust on his pants.
"Well, I'm sorry for even bothering to look good."
"Oh, the kitty bites."
"Jonghyun, look, I am sick of these games let's just-" Key exhaled a long breathe he had been holding onto for the longest of times. "Let's just get this done and it'll be over."
There had been no reply from Jonghyun, as he turned away and walked. Key trailed behind, hands clung tight onto his sketchbook, something he had to carry everywhere he went in case there was a sudden surge of inspiration.
It was one of the hardest moments Key had to go through when he arrived at Jonghyun's apartment. He had been doing well, that was for sure. The place was furnished with expensive furniture but a very simple touch was left to it. Exactly how Key had thought a bachelor pad would be; everything screamed being single, and he had no plans of finding a partner any time soon.
"This way, if you're done looking."
Key's face twitched in annoyance, but he followed silently.
"So, where do you want me?" Jonghyun asked with a huff.
Key rolled his eyes. "It's supposed to be real life. Posing defeats the purpose. Don't you have anything you need to do around the apartment?"
"Like what?" Jonghyun snorted derisively.
"I don't know. Work? Cleaning? Folding laundry? Anything." Key waved his arms exasperatedly.
Jonghyun snorted again before going over to his couch and flopping down gracelessly; a hand behind his head and one leg draped over the arm of the sofa. He flicked the tv on and began channel surfing. Key settled in a cushy chair that had a good view of the couch. He flipped open his sketchbook and set the tip of his pencil to the bare page. He took in Jonghyun's form and frowned. It looked so stereotypical and completely uninteresting. He bit at his lip and decided 'to hell' with Jonghyun; opting to draw some clothing instead. His pencil grazed the page, clean lines forming an unusual silhouette. The piece was lacey, but structured; vaguely a mix of Marchesa and Balenciaga. He adjusted himself on his chair; tucking his legs underneath. Key bit at the end of his pencil thoughtfully, trying to decide if he wanted the hemline to be longer or not. He worked in some more detailing to the bodice before deciding upon a curving hemline; short in the front then flowing longer into the back. He was so utterly engrossed in his piece that he didn't notice Jonghyun staring at him.
The shorter boy had been staring for a good twenty minutes. He'd made a snarky comment and found it odd when the other boy didn't respond. He had looked up to see why and found his ex fully absorbed into his sketchbook. He knew immediately that Key wasn't drawing him. He didn't look up once for reference - no he was working on something else; something important. Jonghyun noticed the intense look that had overtaken Key's face. It was very much how one would expect a destroying angel's face to appear. Beautiful, determined, almost burning with some unnamed mission from the heavens; something dark and unspeakable. Jonghyun's fingers twitched and he reached for his own sketchbook and pencil. He began to draw Key; his hand nearly cramping up at the speed with which he was moving. He felt like this was something he would never get to see if Key thought he was looking. Key furrowed his brow and then began erasing something vigorously. It was in that moment that Jonghyun knew the thing he was witnessing was the thing that had taken Key from him 3 years ago. He felt his stomach twist and his eyes became glassy. Seeing that this thing still lived in Key made him feel the pain all over again. He set his sketchbook aside and got up to stretch. He just needed a minute to regroup. He went over to the kitchen counter and started to sort through his mail.
The movement had caught Key's attention and he immediately stilled his ministrations with the eraser. Jonghyun's walk to the kitchen counter was stiff and guarded. In fact Key thought it looked sort of wounded. He peered on curiously as the other boy sifted through a stack of mail. Something about the other boy shifted his focus. Key flipped to a new page in his book and began a slow sketch. Deliberate strokes adorned the paper as he tried to capture the scene before him. Jonghyun was draped over the counter; his weight leaning on taut forearms while nimble fingers carded through envelopes. Key's heart was doing flip-flops in his chest. Jonghyun looked perfect, but in that effortless way that only he possessed. The shorter boy scrubbed a hand over his face and then settled his fingers in his hair. He flipped through a magazine restlessly; sighing every so often and biting his lower lip.
His lips. Key could faintly remember what they felt like pressed against his own. Vague memories of how addictive those kisses could be assaulted Key's mind. He found himself drawing with his mind in two places. Or rather two different Jonghyuns. The one he used to know, and the version he'd helped to create now. He thought maybe if he looked a little harder, or dove a little deeper, he might catch a glimpse of the boy who used to love him all those years ago. Key cursed himself silently. He needed to let go of the past. Jonghyun surely wanted no part of him anymore, and Key wasn't sure if he was personally capable of balancing love for someone else with love for his work. He was older and wiser, but he knew the pull of love and lust was a force to he reckoned with. He could feel his face flush with frustration as he continued his internal battle. He knew what he needed to do to stay on course and be successful, but something inside kept screaming out for something else. Something he was scared to fully articulate. He felt his emotions reeling as he gripped hard at his pencil; snapping it in half in his attempt to calm himself.
Jonghyun's head whipped up at the sharp snap from across the room. Key was curled up in the chair practically shaking; eyes closed tight and breathing clearly forced. He had never seen Key like this before and to be honest, it freaked him out. He wasn't sure what to do- if he should say something, or stay quiet. The light reflected off the smaller boy's face and Jonghyun spotted faint tear-tracks. The shorter boy's feet immediately carried him over to where Key was sitting. Jonghyun wanted nothing more than to take Key's face in his hands and kiss away the tears, but he wasn't entirely sure that the action would be well received. He opted instead to thrust a box of tissues into Key's lap wordlessly before going to get a glass of chocolate milk.
Key let out a small squeak of surprise at the tissues and Jonghyun's retreating back. He quickly pulled some tissues out of the box and cleaned his face up. He hadn't even realized that he'd been crying. He shock only increased when Jonghyun came back with a glass of chocolate milk outstretched toward him. It's what he liked to drink when he was having a rough time and he was taken aback that the other boy would even remember that.
"Thank you." Key uttered softly as he brought the glass to his lips and drank greedily.
The way he was chugging the milk seemed like he could spill it at any moment so Jonghyun quickly plucked Key's sketchbook from his lap. A few pages fluttered back over where his thumb was holding place. He eyed Key for permission to look, but he wasn't paying attention. He still seemed lost in thought. Jonghyun was an inquisitive creature and decided to look anyway. He noted several designs that were breathtaking. They could easily be on any runway for the next collections. Key really did have the gift for design. He got to the page before the one his thumb was on. Jonghyun was almost afraid to look. Whatever he was about to look at would be the thing that Key was drawing during his little meltdown. He flipped the page and sucked in a stuttered breath. It was him, just a moment ago at the counter. He hadn't noticed Key's eyes on him, but they obviously were. The detail in everything felt like a slap across the face. No one pays that much attention unless they love drawing or they love what they're drawing. Key loved fashion, but it seemed like he still loved Jonghyun too. Key set his glass down only to spaz out once more; flinging himself out of his chair and snatching his sketchbook away.
The shorter boy was too startled by his revelation to be offended.
"I didn't say you could--" Key rushed out before being interrupted.
"Is that really the way you see me?"
Key quickly gathered his things and headed for the door. He didn't trust himself to answer that question, nor did he trust himself alone with Jonghyun anymore. He paused briefly at the door without turning around.
"I think from now on we should only meet in public."
***
Jonghyun stared at the open door for longer than he would care to admit. He wasn't really sure what had just happened, but he knew it made him feel things. Things he swore he'd never let himself feel for anyone, let alone Key, ever again. He had his barrier built up, cemented since 3 years back, and he didn't need someone to probe their fingers into the tiny hole of sensitivity Jonghyun had. To others, it would be a form of vulnerability, but to Jonghyun, it was the only relief that he could rely on after trying to fend off the pile of people trying to show concern. He didn't need it.
Key ran as fast as he could, legs giving way a little due to the previous breakdown. His arms reached out to wipe away his tears, and clear his vision. It was the most excruciating thing he'd felt since the day they parted ways. He had Jonghyun on his knees, begging for a answer and to never leave him because they made a pact- a pact to never leave one another, and if the day they had to part came, there must be a clear reason. All Key left him with was a single sentence of 'I'm seeing someone else.'. It was a terrible mistake he made on his part. Was he too selfish? What was he e had his barrier built up, cemented since 3 years back, and he didn't need someone to probe their fingers into the tiny hole of sensitivity Jonghyun had. To others, it would be a form of vulnerability, but to Jonghyun, it was the only relief that he could rely on after trying to fend off the pile of people trying to show concern. He didn't need it.
Key ran as fast as he could, legs giving way a little due to the previous breakdown. His arms reached out to wipe away his tears, and clear his vision. It was the most excruciating thing he'd felt since the day they parted ways. He had Jonghyun on his knees, begging for a answer and to never leave him because they made a pact- a pact to never leave one another, and if the day they had to part came, there must be a clear reason. All Key left him with was a single sentence of 'I'm seeing someone else.'. It was a terrible mistake he made on his part. Was he too selfish? What was he supposed to do? He wanted, and needed this future. This, was what he has been after so many side-eyes thrown in his way.
At the very least, Key knew that Jonghyun had been doing well. It was probably the best ending for the both of them. Key knew the Kibum in him was falling into pieces- heart smashed against the wall, and ran over by a truck a few thousand times.
He ran right into the lift, numb fingers pressing against the buttons impatiently, as though the elevator would reach his floor at a rapid speed. "Stupid, old lifts." he would curse every second it didn't arrive .
There was some random pop music blasting from outside of Key's bathroom, supposedly one of the rising new girl groups; Girls' Generation or something.
It was so tiring. It tired him out, exhausted every ounce of energy left in him. There was no way he was going to pass this semester. Not if Jonghyun just keeps using the same guilt-trip on him. He was sorry, Key didn't know how many times he'd pray every night just to ask for a little less to worry about Jonghyun coming back. He would apologize in his heart before he slept. Every single time Jonghyun looked at him with eyes lidded in murderous intents, he would break a little more inside. Maybe, he had been wishing for Jonghyun to see through his pain, give him a hug and tell him everything was going to be alright. Just because he didn't put his emotions on a platter and show them to the world, doesn't mean he was void of feelings. He was flamboyant, but that just tells everyone that he wasn't willing to back down, and he's not afraid to blurt his honest opinions.
Key leaned against the wall, hands covering his face. He desperately told himself that this was nothing he could do, and it would be over in just a few weeks. But if so, why was he still crying? He couldn't stand how weak he was. He was still that very same weak Kibum he had been years ago, afraid of Jonghyun being unwilling to let him go because of what was happening to him. Every time they had a study sessions, it would consist of nothing more than heavy make-out sessions and whispering sweet-nothings to one another. Now that Key had the flashbacks of what happened, he felt sick. They were so close to each other in the past; back-hugs, sweet kisses and dreaming of the future. The days when Kibum told Jonghyun they would be married in a chapel, they would adopt kids and never neglect them like how their parents did, they promised to take care of each other. It was all gone the moment Key laid his eyes on the application form to the local Arts school.
Gone.
"Kibum! Kibum, please don't go!" Jonghyun pulled on Kibum's coat.
"Kibum, why are you doing this to me? You told me we'll get married, we'll have children and protect them till the day they grow up! Kibum!"
It was hurting him so much, but there was absolutely nothing he could to stop. He couldn't, he needed to do this so he'd have something he could be proud of. He didn't want to be cooped up in this shitty never-ending spiral he's been caught in ever since birth. He loved Jonghyun, but just for once, he needed this chance to break free into the society. "
Jjong, let go." Kibum shrugged his arm, eyes refusing to look at the other boy.
There was frustration and anger boiling within Kibum, the place was warm and Jonghyun was adding onto his worries. How was he supposed to move on if Jonghyun was acting like this?
"If all of you had even any sense of shame, you'd scatter." Kibum hissed at the crowd.
Within seconds, it was just the both of them. For once, Kibum kneeled and cupped his hands around Jonghyun's face.
"Kibum, you know I love you, and I know, that you love me too. Why is this happening to you?" he whispered, tears flowing down his perfectly constructed face, chants of 'Why is this happening to us?' being mouthed out.
"I'm with someone else."
Jonghyun had never let those words go. He couldn't. They had made such a deep impact on him that no matter how much he hated himself for being bitter over Kibum, he knew he still loved him so very much. He had never forgotten about the promises they made- all sealed with a kiss. He hated himself because he was so sure that Kibum had moved on, when he was no longer sure of that after what had happened a few hours back.
Key didn't need verbal insults to root the fact that he did show a side of him he never wanted to, in front of Jonghyun. He felt like he was hurled into a vortex of so many problems happening concurrently. He was tired of crying, and finding the ring that Jonghyun gave him 4 years ago didn't make things any better. He slid the cool material on his ring finger, heart refusing to calm down. Key didn't remember how much he cried into the ring, he just did till his eyes refused to tear anymore.
There was nothing more perplexing to Key than the Professor asking for a rough draft of their project. What, was he doubting their capability to finish on time? What was this? Grade-school essay? Whatever it was, he was at the very least, safe with the sketch of Jonghyun he drew the previous night. Another thing that bugged him till no end, was the sketching of him, that Jonghyun had. When did he even do that? And apparently, he didn't just have one piece- he had five of them. How was it even possible to draw five of these detailed sketches of him within 20 minutes? An average of a sketch within four minutes? Was it even humanly possible?
It did make the Professor really happy, so not that it really matters.
"I knew putting the both of you together was a great idea, looking forward to the end product." he smiled.
"Yeah, you can count on us." Jonghyun grinned.
There was a few seconds of silence between the both of them, before Key spoke up, body fidgeting every so often.
"How did you-?" His question never continued before his own answer came in mind.
Key knew so much in his own heart, that he no longer needed an answer to whatever he asked of Jonghyun. He knew that just hearing more of what Jonghyun said would bring him nothing less than pain.
"You don't let someone go that easily. Not especially when that person meant so much to you and you were already planning to spend the rest of your life with him."
"Jjong, I-"
"Don't call me by that name. You've lost the right to do so since the day you left me." Jonghyun stormed off, not bothering the looks they were getting from the other students.
Key tried his best to hold back his tears, but the pressure that came from wanting Jonghyun back so badly was so overwhelming, he just broke down again. There was no care for classes anymore, not if he realized that after so many years, he still wanted Jonghyun back, so badly. He was late, but the years of cold, solitude loneliness splashed across his face that he needed the only force of life and energy back.
***
The next week went by in an uncomfortable fashion. They barely spoke to one another and the tension was high. The unspoken things between them felt like piano strings that were too tight, waiting to snap at any amount of pressure. Said pressure was put on full force that Saturday evening. Key went out to one of the local bars with the intention to drink away all thoughts of Jonghyun.
He was in desperate need of stress relief and that was the best way he could come up with to do so. He went out fairly early- hoping to get plastered and home by midnight. That was about as much recklessness as he would commit to, considering he had to get up early for the project.
By 9:30 he'd already drained two bottles of Soju plus three random shots of which he couldn't remember the names; only recalling the pretty colors they had been. He had just ordered some electric blue drink that had at least five kinds of liquor in it when his phone rang. He looked at the caller id, the name of the person he was trying to forget. He knew he shouldn't answer, but his hands had a mind of their own; pressing the green button and bringing the phone clumsily to his ear.
"Y-y-yeobseyo?" He answered with a hiccup at the end.
"You could at least have the decency to answer my texts so I don't have to waste my minutes like this on you." Jonghyun bristled.
"What are you talkin bout?" Key slurred. "You didn't text me."
He pulled the phone back while squinting his eyes at the screen. He had 12 missed texts.
"I texted you twe-"
"Oh hey! It says you texted me TWELVE times. Wow. I guess I didn't hear the little chime noise sound thing go off." Key interrupted the older boy with a giggle.
"Kibum, are you....are you drunk??!?"
All Jonghyun received was another set of giggles before the other boy hung up on him.
Key slid his phone back into his pocket and began to slurp away happily at his new drink.
Two more of those pretty blue drinks later, Key was more than three sheets to the wind. His head was lolling forward and his movements were sloppy. He made to order a shot and toppled off his barstool. He knew the floor was supposed to be coming at him but it felt like it was still so far away. He opened his eyes to see that he was wrapped in a pair of familiar arms attached to a very pissed off face.
"I'm taking you home." Jonghyun growled through clenched teeth as he pulled Key forcibly toward the door.
Once on the street Jonghyun leaned Key against the nearest wall. He took a couple calming breaths before speaking.
"What's your address?"
Key didn't answer, he was busy running his knuckles over the brick behind him; noting the roughness. He wondered briefly if that's what it felt like to be licked by a lion. He'd heard on some tv program that lion's tongues are like sandpaper, it makes it easier for them to clean flesh off animal bones.
Jonghyun rolled his eyes, losing his patience; slamming a hand next to the taller boy's head on the wall.
"Where. Do. You. Live?" He spoke slowly, keeping his eyes locked with Key's.
"I dun remember..."
Jonghyun wanted to shake Key, he was so furious. However, he figured that might reflect poorly on his report - especially if he killed the other boy. He opted instead to drag the drunken diva to his place.
***
Jonghyun had been eerily silent on the ride to his apartment, so it took Key by surprise when the older boy started yelling at him when they got inside.
"Do you have any idea how many bars I had to go to before I found you?! What the hell were you thinking?!!"
Key leaned against the kitchen counter trying to form a coherent sentence.
"I was trying to forget." He finally breathed out.
"Forget? Forget what? How much of an arrogant asshole you are?? Forget how your stupidity could RUIN our project - MY performance report???!"
Key closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold the tears at bay while remaining mute.
"Figures. You don't have an answer. God, I know you're a lot of things, but I didn't think irresponsible was one of them!"
Snap.
The pressure had finally became too much. Key's head was swimming and he was tired of staying silent ; keeping his feelings in.
"FUCK YOU KIM JONGHYUN! I went there to forget about YOU! And who the hell asked you to come for me anyway??? Why don't you go fuck that high horse you rode in on, and leave me alone!" Key screamed hysterically as he pushed past the other boy, only to be shoved back against the counter.
"Me? Why would you need to forget me? I thought you'd done that a long time ago." Jonghyun questioned, his face a mask of sadness and confusion.
"I never forgot. I tried, god I tried so hard, but it was always you." Key sobbed out, the tears finally flowing down with vengeance.
He felt very sober, and he didn't particularly like the feeling.
"I would have thought whoever you were seeing would've been a sufficient distraction." The older boy snarled bitterly.
"There was no one else. I lied, ok?! The other person was ME. I saw what we were doing to each others lives, how we were holding each other back, I didn't want that for us. I didn't want you to resent me or vice versa. I couldn't bear that. I thought I could handle you hating me, but I was wrong." Key slumped down to the ground, exhausted, and curled his arms around his knees; sobbing for all he was worth.
***
The last thing he remembered was passing out on the floor, hot tears marring his face. So he was fairly surprised when he awoke under the covers of a comfy bed. The world seemed entirely too bright, but he fought to keep his eyes open. He surveyed his surroundings before rolling over. He came face to face with a sleeping Jonghyun; curved towards Key but laying on top of the covers. They were both still in their clothes from the previous evening so he deduced that nothing had happened.
He flopped over onto his back and let out a long sigh. Unfortunately he could remember almost everything he had said last night. Regret bubbled up in his throat, choking him and causing his eyes to water. Fat tears slid down the sides of his face, collecting in his hair. He felt the sudden swipe of finger tips along his face and sucked in a stuttering breath.
"Didn't you get enough of this last night?" Jonghyun said with a sad smile.
Key sat up and turned away from the other boy. He was sober enough now to worry about saving face, though he knew the damage has already been done.
Jonghyun sat up and scooted closer, laying a gentle hand on Key's shoulder.
"Hey. Hey. Would you please look at me?"
Key turned around reluctantly to an expectant looking Jonghyun.
"So....I had a lot of time to think about last night. About what you said, I mean." He started, causing Key to facepalm.
"I was really pissed off for a few hours, I honestly wanted to strangle you. I mean, how could you think it was ok to decide that all on your own?" He took a steadying breath.
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to yell at you. Ok, so yeah I was angry, but then I really sat down and thought about it. Put myself in your shoes. And I can see what would've caused you to come to your conclusions. I DO NOT like the solution you chose. But I guess I can understand why. I just wish you would have talked to me. We never used to have a problem telling each other anything."
"I was a coward, and I was afraid." Key whispered.
"Afraid of what? Me?" Jonghyun pressed.
"Well yes, actually. I was afraid that you would do that thing where you make all logical thought go out the window at the slightest touch."
Jonghyun gave a hard laugh, clutching his stomach. He stopped immediately when he saw the sullen pout on Key's face.
"Yeobo, I hate to tell you this....but that plan you had wasn't even in the same vicinity of logical thought."
Key froze and gave several slow blinks.
"What did you say?"
Jonghyun looked puzzled. "Uh, your plan made no sense?"
The older boy fidgeted in his chair, fearing he'd said something that was in some way offensive.
"No, pabo. The other part." Key shoved the other boy playfully.
"Other par- - OH. Yeobo." The older boy smirked playfully before pulling Key into a kiss.
It had been years, but the kiss felt just like Key had remembered it- only better. It was like living in a smoggy city all your life then suddenly moving to the mountains where the air was pure. It made your heart flutter and your lungs burn in a good way. Their tongues danced back and forth, taking turns in their worship. Eventually they broke apart, foreheads resting against one another.
"I forgive you, you know?" Jonghyun punctuated with a kiss to the top of Key's head.
"I honestly don't know why, I don't deserve it. But thank you." Key mumbled as he nuzzled into the crook of Jonghyun's neck.
"Why? Because I love you. I never stopped."
Key moved to look at Jonghyun with watery eyes.
"I love you too. I'm sorry."
Like magnets, their mouths were once again attached to each other. This kiss a little more greedy than the last; teeth nibbling at sensitive lips.
"We really should get to work on our project." Key groaned breathlessly as he tried to pry Jonghyun off of him.
"Yeah. Project. I wonder how Professor Park feels about nudes?" He mused with a beatific grin.
Key giggled with a blush. His heart felt whole again, and now that Jonghyun knew everything it also felt lighter than it had in years. He knew they would still have to talk more in the future, but right now he could care less. He had Jonghyun and he had his career. He knew now, the trick to it all was balance and communication. Well that and a boyfriend who will tell you when you don't make sense. Key wasn't 100% sure what the future held, but he knew that he could face it all with Jonghyun by his side.
END.
Authors: personified & a_life_defiant
Paring: JongKey
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8,165 words
Summary: Key is a very determined young man, who will let nothing get in the way of his career as a fashion designer. But what happens when someone he thought he’d lost forever, shows back up, front and center, in his life?
A/N: Written for the challenge at collabficfest
***
Key strode across the college campus; sliding his Ray-Bans back. It wasn't particularly sunny out, so there wasn't any real reason to wear them on his face. He opted instead to perch them on his head, giving himself a cool 'I don't care about fashion, even though these sunglasses cost a fortune' look. He did need to look fashionable after all. He'd just transferred to the Arts Academy after spending two years at the local college. This university had a much better program for fashion design and Key never wanted anything unless it was the best. Even if that meant working himself to the bone. He intended to achieve greatness at a young age, and he knew many sacrifices came along with that. He had already sacrificed his sleep, social life, and even his past relationships to get to where he was today. Top of his class at his previous school, with grades that had the Arts Academy practically begging him to attend.
He'd already been through orientation and today was his first day of full classes. The campus was so big, he knew it would take him some time to adjust and feel everyone out; especially the teachers. That, besides his extreme hard work, was the reason to his success- knowing the teachers. He was good at analyzing them and figuring out exactly what they wanted to see from their students. It was a trick he'd picked up in high school that never failed to earn his desired results.
He sauntered down the hallway amid the crowd of other students as he tried to locate his first class. Figure Drawing 301, in room 263. He raked his eyes over the numbers on the wall before finally spotting his classroom at the end of the corridor. He pulled the brass knob of the heavy wooden door and made his entrance. There were only about twelve other students inside and no teacher. He was rather early, but he much preferred that over being tardy. Early always looked good, whereas late just looked sloppy. Key didn't do sloppy. Besides it gave him more time to get settled into his environment and size up the other students. There were a few tragic outfits in the room; petite girls who assumed because they were small and cute that they could wear whatever and call it 'avant guard'. They were seriously mistaken, but he decided not to call them out on it just yet. A few of the other male students were wearing, what Key recognized as, outfits swiped verbatim from GQ magazine. Unoriginal. The rest of the students he gave mild approval to. Simple structured pieces with a good balance of accessories. He made a mental note to watch out for them, because they were the most likely candidates to actually know the material in the course. He set his messenger bag down the desk he'd chosen; almost precisely middle of the room. He liked to be able to see what was going on around him at all times, yet still be noticeable to the instructor.
Ten minutes passed and the professor finally entered the room with his assistant in tow; carrying stacks of paper and workbooks.
"Hello students. I'm professor Park and I will be your instructor for this semester. This is my teaching assistant Mr. Kim."
Key made a slight gasp as the TA set the materials on the professor's desk; exposing his face. Mr. Kim was none other than Kim Jonghyun, Key's ex-boyfriend. One of those aforementioned sacrifices. He hadn't seen the older boy since their last year of high school, after they broke up and Jonghyun's family made a sudden move. Their eyes locked briefly and Jonghyun wore a startled expression for a fraction of a second before regaining his composure. Key cleared his throat and did the same.
"I'll be doing role call while my assistant hands out your syllabi and workbooks." Professor Park announced.
He began to call each students name out while Jonghyun went to the end of each aisle and handed out the materials. The teacher's monotone voice bled into the air and dissipated into a low murmur as Key tried not to watch every minuscule movement that Jonghyun was making.
"Kim Kibum." Professor Park droned and Jonghyun immediately dropped the stack of papers in his hands.
"Present." Key replied, unable to tear his eyes away from a flustered Jonghyun.
He laughed internally, remembering how Jonghyun used to get so frustrated over the smallest things. He felt a faint stab to his heart when he met eyes again with the older boy. It was the same look that he'd given Key when they broke up- more specifically the look he gave when Key had dumped him with no real explanation. The younger boy's head snapped back in the direction of the teacher, unable to withstand the emotions that Jonghyun was stirring up inside of him.
For the rest of the class his eyes stayed on Professor Park, but his mind was miles away. He had so many questions. Where had Jonghyun moved to all those years ago? How did he manage to become a TA so early? But mostly he was asking himself if he was going to be able to make it through the semester with someone he'd loved and threw away, being there to haunt him?
The first week went by with no incident. It wasn't until the second week, when Professor Park assigned a partner project, that the shit hit the fan. The class consisted of twelve students plus Key. As in thirteen students altogether, as in an uneven number. Professor Park assigned the partners, and because Key was about as lucky as an old pair of socks, Key was the odd man out.
"Key-goon, please see me after class. I want to discuss the partner project with you." Professor Park instructed after he'd verbally assigned partners to the rest of the class.
Key managed a weak nod. He was unsure what to make of the situation. Was his work sub-par? It couldn't be, he'd been getting top marks in all the assignments thus far. Was he going to have to work alone? That wasn't a scenario he minded, he found he worked best alone anyway. Something about it all just felt off. Especially the way that Jonghyun was practically glaring daggers at him during class. Key felt an odd twisting sensation in his stomach. Like how when you break something valuable in your parents house during a party and are too scared to tell them truth, so you blame it on the cat instead.
As the other students filed out of the classroom, Key took his time gathering his materials before making his way up to the Professor and Jonghyun.
"You wanted to see me?" Key picked nervously at the strap of his brown, leather messenger bag.
"Yes. Kibum, you may or may not know that you are top of this class. Your work is impeccable and inspired."
"Thank you." The younger boy smiled gently while trying not to look at Jonghyun.
"Which is why, since we have an odd number of students, I've decided to pair you up with Mr. Kim."
"WHAT?!" Key shrieked, much louder than he'd wanted.
The startled look on Professor Park's face made him back-track.
"I'm sorry. I was just surprised. I didn't mean to shout. I'm flattered that you think my work is good, but don't you think the students will be upset when they find out I'm working with the teacher's assistant?"
"Jonghyun won't be grading any of these projects, so the grades will remain unbiased."
"I see." Key nodded stiffly.
"So like everyone else you'll be working together for the next three weeks. Life sketches of each other in great detail. Jonghyun, I expect you to draw as well as I'll be adding this to your work report for the school."
"I understand." Jonghyun's response was short and cold. The tone of it made Key's skin crawl.
"Well, I'll leave you both to it." Professor Park gathered his briefcase and left quickly.
Jonghyun and Key stayed in the same positions for several minutes. The silence felt like a noose around Key's neck; constricting tighter and tighter until he couldn't take it anymore. He opened his mouth to speak but Jonghyun cut him off before he could utter one syllable.
"I don't like this anymore than you do, so let's just suck it up and do the work. I'm not going to get a bad work report because of you." Jonghyun's voice was acidic; a stark contrast to the loving tones Key remembered.
The older boy's statement wounded him, but he quickly went defensive. He wasn't about to let Jonghyun walk all over him just because they had a history.
"Yah! You think I want to compromise my grade either? I'm top in the class, I refuse to slip. So we are going to work on this and you are going to drop the attitude." He hissed.
Jonghyun locked Key in a cold glare before shoving a piece of paper at the younger boy.
"That's my number, you can text me your class schedule so we can figure out when to meet up."
"Fine." Key responded curtly as Jonghyun made his way toward the door.
The older boy stopped, hand clenching at the door handle, and turned around.
"And Kibum?" He spoke lowly; seriousness lacing every word. "After this is over, I want you to lose my number."
Key stood next to the Professor's desk completely taken aback. Jonghyun had changed so much since he last saw him and Key honestly didn't know what to make of it. Was he really that bitter towards Key all these years later?
He remained there for what seemed like an eternity, lost in thought. He fought the tears that were threatening to fall out of his eyes. He kept flashing back to how he'd broken up with Jonghyun. The only thing he'd told the older boy was that it was over. He hadn't explained how his grades were slipping because he spent all his time with Jonghyun. Or how when they weren't together he was always thinking about the other boy and his soft, brown, puppy-esque eyes and his plush lips. He didn't explain how he was so infatuated that he sometimes couldn't think straight. He also didn't let the older boy know how he found out his grades were on the same downward spiral. He'd never said any of it. He knew that if he had, Jonghyun would never have let go. Their feelings were too intense, and the only thing they would have done was drag each other down. How could he ever have explained that their love would only hurt them in the long run? There wasn't any way, so Key had done what he had to do to end it before it got any more serious.
Now all he wanted was to tell Jonghyun the truth. He wanted those loving gazes back instead of the dark stares he received as of late. But at the same time he didn't want to sacrifice his career goals.
He snapped out of his daze and checked his watch. He only had ten minutes until his next class all the way across campus. He would have to run at full speed if he wanted a chance in hell at making it on time. It seemed like no matter how much time had passed, he was bound to repeat his old mistakes. Hadn't he had enough of this heartache and bullshit he went through after the breakup? The tears and remnants of memories held in the form of torn pictures he kept in his drawer all these years. He didn't care about the blatant ignorant comments casted his way, it was the silent whispers and eye contacts passed around whenever someone he knew was there. No one understood his pain, his story was silenced to him but elaborated to everyone else. It started with the harmless, 'They had a quarrel' to the short craze over 'Did you hear?'. 'He has cancer', 'I saw him with another boy the other day!', 'They were in an abusive relationship.' and other nonsensical reasonings Key found were absurd. Why did their breakup even affect the rest that much?
Key furrowed his brows as Jonghyun settled his elbows on his table, eyes with the refusal to back away.
"I suppose you really want to fail this trimester, don't you?"
Had the school not been there in entirety, Key would've reached and pulled out a whopping resonating punch against that smug face of his. He didn't need this mockery prancing right in his face; He was Kim Kibum- the fashion all-knowing 22 year-old.
"Lost your number," Key sighed out monotonously, a soft emotionless 'Sorry' rolled off his tongue like a scripted drama.
"Why, that was fast. I suppose, during your 'fun-time' with another guy? Or a girl, over these years?" he scoffed.
Key swore he was holding back his punches, the grip on his other arm tightening.
"Look, I'm not here to pick a fight with you. I'm trying to help you, I mean... I am your partner for this project, after all. I need to help you, and you, can take the least initiative your snobby ass allows you to." Jonghyun stood up and straightened his clothes, arms flexing a little.
"Take this piece of paper, and keep it in your breast pocket. Right next to your heart. Keep it safe, we don't want you to lose something so precious like how someone did three years back. Heard he booked a one-way ticket to hell."
"Get out of my face." Key turned away, teeth gritted. "Right now."
"Alright, alright, poopy head. Don't lose my number again, text me."
It was as though the moments of frustration that Key had swallowed down all bubbled up again. He couldn't differentiate the difference between what could've happened and what has already happened. There was a short debate in his inner mind that wondered if he was actually alive. Times and times of the turmoil he went through came up, the guilt and the regret of ever letting Jonghyun go because of his own selfish needs. They probably would've still been together if Key hadn't watched that stupid show on runway models and glamorous moments famous designers had. His fingers clenched on the tiny piece of unevenly torn paper, thumb twiddling the loose piece at the side.
Key knew he wore every expression well, just not the expression of being nervous and afraid at the same time. He was tired of the affliction he felt whenever he saw Jonghyun wandering around campus. He knew he shouldn't be feeling that way; it's all over. They were past- no longer to be dug up to him, but at the very same time, he knew Jonghyun was all up to go against that barrier. He had wanted Key to be broken like how he was, sent to a colorless world with no sun to shine on him.
Truth to be told, there was hardly a moment had passed without thinking about Jonghyun. Maybe it slowly crept into his mind- no one knew why. Not even Key. Others' would say 'Time would heal everything' but that's just a load of rubbish. He'd thought he would never survive- he prayed for a period of peace in his head. No love.
No Jonghyun.
Key thought he had everything figured out. He would live alone with a bunch of little kittens, maybe die in regret, feeling guilty about Jonghyun till his last intake of breath. If he were to ever fall in love again, he'd sort his own feelings out. He had been sacrificing way too much.
To: +019 7452 8629
Mon 2 Fri - 9.25 am - 3.30 pm classes 4.30 - 7.30 club actv. Sat - 1.40 pm - 3.30 pm club actv. Sun - Free
Sent at 5:53pm
Just for a second, Key brooded over whether sending that text had been a good idea. I mean, Jonghyun would probably rage over how he didn't bothered to take the first step. Or then again, if things really don't work out as how he wished they would, he could probably mention how Jonghyun's all knit-picking on him. Maybe change a partner here or there. Even better, just let him be alone. Not that it hasn't happened before- no one was willing to work with a selective person like him. Wasn't his fault that the girl assigned to him got the wrong type of textile! He asked for felt, not silk. Moreover, the ideas were nowhere near the urban concept. She should've just stayed in her era of leopard skins in the stone-age.
The reply Key received came nearly an hour later after, pretty long for a efficient worker like him.
From: +019 7452 8629 what bout now
Received at 7:00pm
Well, maybe this was just another way God found to torture him. In the form of his ex, and having to put up with the shit he threw in his way.
To: +019 7452 8629 okay. wheer?
Sent at 7:01pm
From: +019 7452 8629 my house. and u have a typo. *where
Received at 7:09pm
To: +019 7452 8629 address?
Sent at 7:13pm
From: +019 7452 8629 we'll meet at the coffee house near campus. my apartment is just a few blocks away.
Received at 7:25pm
To: +019 7452 8626 ok meet you in 20 minutes time
Sent at 7:27pm
It was probably a lie if Key had said that he wasn't looking forward to meeting Jonghyun again. After all, it had been such a long time since they met, and even though Key knew that Jonghyun still held onto that bitter memory, he couldn't let him go. He couldn't let them go.
The distance to the coffee house was actually less than half a kilometer, just that he needed a few extra time to pick out his clothes. So what if he looked great even in a potato sack? He needed to look presentable everywhere he went. Not that he needed to impress Jonghyun, but it was just something everyone would do. Jonghyun was, his TA and partner, no matter how much reasoning you had. Anyone with a relation to his school meant that he had to be appropriately dressed on any occasion. And maybe he felt the need to show that he was no longer the same Kibum his ex knew- he was now Key. He didn't really know what had changed within himself, but according to others, he looked much better but his character had taken a turn for the worse.
"Took you long enough." Jonghyun got up from his seat, patting off the imaginary dust on his pants.
"Well, I'm sorry for even bothering to look good."
"Oh, the kitty bites."
"Jonghyun, look, I am sick of these games let's just-" Key exhaled a long breathe he had been holding onto for the longest of times. "Let's just get this done and it'll be over."
There had been no reply from Jonghyun, as he turned away and walked. Key trailed behind, hands clung tight onto his sketchbook, something he had to carry everywhere he went in case there was a sudden surge of inspiration.
It was one of the hardest moments Key had to go through when he arrived at Jonghyun's apartment. He had been doing well, that was for sure. The place was furnished with expensive furniture but a very simple touch was left to it. Exactly how Key had thought a bachelor pad would be; everything screamed being single, and he had no plans of finding a partner any time soon.
"This way, if you're done looking."
Key's face twitched in annoyance, but he followed silently.
"So, where do you want me?" Jonghyun asked with a huff.
Key rolled his eyes. "It's supposed to be real life. Posing defeats the purpose. Don't you have anything you need to do around the apartment?"
"Like what?" Jonghyun snorted derisively.
"I don't know. Work? Cleaning? Folding laundry? Anything." Key waved his arms exasperatedly.
Jonghyun snorted again before going over to his couch and flopping down gracelessly; a hand behind his head and one leg draped over the arm of the sofa. He flicked the tv on and began channel surfing. Key settled in a cushy chair that had a good view of the couch. He flipped open his sketchbook and set the tip of his pencil to the bare page. He took in Jonghyun's form and frowned. It looked so stereotypical and completely uninteresting. He bit at his lip and decided 'to hell' with Jonghyun; opting to draw some clothing instead. His pencil grazed the page, clean lines forming an unusual silhouette. The piece was lacey, but structured; vaguely a mix of Marchesa and Balenciaga. He adjusted himself on his chair; tucking his legs underneath. Key bit at the end of his pencil thoughtfully, trying to decide if he wanted the hemline to be longer or not. He worked in some more detailing to the bodice before deciding upon a curving hemline; short in the front then flowing longer into the back. He was so utterly engrossed in his piece that he didn't notice Jonghyun staring at him.
The shorter boy had been staring for a good twenty minutes. He'd made a snarky comment and found it odd when the other boy didn't respond. He had looked up to see why and found his ex fully absorbed into his sketchbook. He knew immediately that Key wasn't drawing him. He didn't look up once for reference - no he was working on something else; something important. Jonghyun noticed the intense look that had overtaken Key's face. It was very much how one would expect a destroying angel's face to appear. Beautiful, determined, almost burning with some unnamed mission from the heavens; something dark and unspeakable. Jonghyun's fingers twitched and he reached for his own sketchbook and pencil. He began to draw Key; his hand nearly cramping up at the speed with which he was moving. He felt like this was something he would never get to see if Key thought he was looking. Key furrowed his brow and then began erasing something vigorously. It was in that moment that Jonghyun knew the thing he was witnessing was the thing that had taken Key from him 3 years ago. He felt his stomach twist and his eyes became glassy. Seeing that this thing still lived in Key made him feel the pain all over again. He set his sketchbook aside and got up to stretch. He just needed a minute to regroup. He went over to the kitchen counter and started to sort through his mail.
The movement had caught Key's attention and he immediately stilled his ministrations with the eraser. Jonghyun's walk to the kitchen counter was stiff and guarded. In fact Key thought it looked sort of wounded. He peered on curiously as the other boy sifted through a stack of mail. Something about the other boy shifted his focus. Key flipped to a new page in his book and began a slow sketch. Deliberate strokes adorned the paper as he tried to capture the scene before him. Jonghyun was draped over the counter; his weight leaning on taut forearms while nimble fingers carded through envelopes. Key's heart was doing flip-flops in his chest. Jonghyun looked perfect, but in that effortless way that only he possessed. The shorter boy scrubbed a hand over his face and then settled his fingers in his hair. He flipped through a magazine restlessly; sighing every so often and biting his lower lip.
His lips. Key could faintly remember what they felt like pressed against his own. Vague memories of how addictive those kisses could be assaulted Key's mind. He found himself drawing with his mind in two places. Or rather two different Jonghyuns. The one he used to know, and the version he'd helped to create now. He thought maybe if he looked a little harder, or dove a little deeper, he might catch a glimpse of the boy who used to love him all those years ago. Key cursed himself silently. He needed to let go of the past. Jonghyun surely wanted no part of him anymore, and Key wasn't sure if he was personally capable of balancing love for someone else with love for his work. He was older and wiser, but he knew the pull of love and lust was a force to he reckoned with. He could feel his face flush with frustration as he continued his internal battle. He knew what he needed to do to stay on course and be successful, but something inside kept screaming out for something else. Something he was scared to fully articulate. He felt his emotions reeling as he gripped hard at his pencil; snapping it in half in his attempt to calm himself.
Jonghyun's head whipped up at the sharp snap from across the room. Key was curled up in the chair practically shaking; eyes closed tight and breathing clearly forced. He had never seen Key like this before and to be honest, it freaked him out. He wasn't sure what to do- if he should say something, or stay quiet. The light reflected off the smaller boy's face and Jonghyun spotted faint tear-tracks. The shorter boy's feet immediately carried him over to where Key was sitting. Jonghyun wanted nothing more than to take Key's face in his hands and kiss away the tears, but he wasn't entirely sure that the action would be well received. He opted instead to thrust a box of tissues into Key's lap wordlessly before going to get a glass of chocolate milk.
Key let out a small squeak of surprise at the tissues and Jonghyun's retreating back. He quickly pulled some tissues out of the box and cleaned his face up. He hadn't even realized that he'd been crying. He shock only increased when Jonghyun came back with a glass of chocolate milk outstretched toward him. It's what he liked to drink when he was having a rough time and he was taken aback that the other boy would even remember that.
"Thank you." Key uttered softly as he brought the glass to his lips and drank greedily.
The way he was chugging the milk seemed like he could spill it at any moment so Jonghyun quickly plucked Key's sketchbook from his lap. A few pages fluttered back over where his thumb was holding place. He eyed Key for permission to look, but he wasn't paying attention. He still seemed lost in thought. Jonghyun was an inquisitive creature and decided to look anyway. He noted several designs that were breathtaking. They could easily be on any runway for the next collections. Key really did have the gift for design. He got to the page before the one his thumb was on. Jonghyun was almost afraid to look. Whatever he was about to look at would be the thing that Key was drawing during his little meltdown. He flipped the page and sucked in a stuttered breath. It was him, just a moment ago at the counter. He hadn't noticed Key's eyes on him, but they obviously were. The detail in everything felt like a slap across the face. No one pays that much attention unless they love drawing or they love what they're drawing. Key loved fashion, but it seemed like he still loved Jonghyun too. Key set his glass down only to spaz out once more; flinging himself out of his chair and snatching his sketchbook away.
The shorter boy was too startled by his revelation to be offended.
"I didn't say you could--" Key rushed out before being interrupted.
"Is that really the way you see me?"
Key quickly gathered his things and headed for the door. He didn't trust himself to answer that question, nor did he trust himself alone with Jonghyun anymore. He paused briefly at the door without turning around.
"I think from now on we should only meet in public."
***
Jonghyun stared at the open door for longer than he would care to admit. He wasn't really sure what had just happened, but he knew it made him feel things. Things he swore he'd never let himself feel for anyone, let alone Key, ever again. He had his barrier built up, cemented since 3 years back, and he didn't need someone to probe their fingers into the tiny hole of sensitivity Jonghyun had. To others, it would be a form of vulnerability, but to Jonghyun, it was the only relief that he could rely on after trying to fend off the pile of people trying to show concern. He didn't need it.
Key ran as fast as he could, legs giving way a little due to the previous breakdown. His arms reached out to wipe away his tears, and clear his vision. It was the most excruciating thing he'd felt since the day they parted ways. He had Jonghyun on his knees, begging for a answer and to never leave him because they made a pact- a pact to never leave one another, and if the day they had to part came, there must be a clear reason. All Key left him with was a single sentence of 'I'm seeing someone else.'. It was a terrible mistake he made on his part. Was he too selfish? What was he e had his barrier built up, cemented since 3 years back, and he didn't need someone to probe their fingers into the tiny hole of sensitivity Jonghyun had. To others, it would be a form of vulnerability, but to Jonghyun, it was the only relief that he could rely on after trying to fend off the pile of people trying to show concern. He didn't need it.
Key ran as fast as he could, legs giving way a little due to the previous breakdown. His arms reached out to wipe away his tears, and clear his vision. It was the most excruciating thing he'd felt since the day they parted ways. He had Jonghyun on his knees, begging for a answer and to never leave him because they made a pact- a pact to never leave one another, and if the day they had to part came, there must be a clear reason. All Key left him with was a single sentence of 'I'm seeing someone else.'. It was a terrible mistake he made on his part. Was he too selfish? What was he supposed to do? He wanted, and needed this future. This, was what he has been after so many side-eyes thrown in his way.
At the very least, Key knew that Jonghyun had been doing well. It was probably the best ending for the both of them. Key knew the Kibum in him was falling into pieces- heart smashed against the wall, and ran over by a truck a few thousand times.
He ran right into the lift, numb fingers pressing against the buttons impatiently, as though the elevator would reach his floor at a rapid speed. "Stupid, old lifts." he would curse every second it didn't arrive .
There was some random pop music blasting from outside of Key's bathroom, supposedly one of the rising new girl groups; Girls' Generation or something.
It was so tiring. It tired him out, exhausted every ounce of energy left in him. There was no way he was going to pass this semester. Not if Jonghyun just keeps using the same guilt-trip on him. He was sorry, Key didn't know how many times he'd pray every night just to ask for a little less to worry about Jonghyun coming back. He would apologize in his heart before he slept. Every single time Jonghyun looked at him with eyes lidded in murderous intents, he would break a little more inside. Maybe, he had been wishing for Jonghyun to see through his pain, give him a hug and tell him everything was going to be alright. Just because he didn't put his emotions on a platter and show them to the world, doesn't mean he was void of feelings. He was flamboyant, but that just tells everyone that he wasn't willing to back down, and he's not afraid to blurt his honest opinions.
Key leaned against the wall, hands covering his face. He desperately told himself that this was nothing he could do, and it would be over in just a few weeks. But if so, why was he still crying? He couldn't stand how weak he was. He was still that very same weak Kibum he had been years ago, afraid of Jonghyun being unwilling to let him go because of what was happening to him. Every time they had a study sessions, it would consist of nothing more than heavy make-out sessions and whispering sweet-nothings to one another. Now that Key had the flashbacks of what happened, he felt sick. They were so close to each other in the past; back-hugs, sweet kisses and dreaming of the future. The days when Kibum told Jonghyun they would be married in a chapel, they would adopt kids and never neglect them like how their parents did, they promised to take care of each other. It was all gone the moment Key laid his eyes on the application form to the local Arts school.
Gone.
"Kibum! Kibum, please don't go!" Jonghyun pulled on Kibum's coat.
"Kibum, why are you doing this to me? You told me we'll get married, we'll have children and protect them till the day they grow up! Kibum!"
It was hurting him so much, but there was absolutely nothing he could to stop. He couldn't, he needed to do this so he'd have something he could be proud of. He didn't want to be cooped up in this shitty never-ending spiral he's been caught in ever since birth. He loved Jonghyun, but just for once, he needed this chance to break free into the society. "
Jjong, let go." Kibum shrugged his arm, eyes refusing to look at the other boy.
There was frustration and anger boiling within Kibum, the place was warm and Jonghyun was adding onto his worries. How was he supposed to move on if Jonghyun was acting like this?
"If all of you had even any sense of shame, you'd scatter." Kibum hissed at the crowd.
Within seconds, it was just the both of them. For once, Kibum kneeled and cupped his hands around Jonghyun's face.
"Kibum, you know I love you, and I know, that you love me too. Why is this happening to you?" he whispered, tears flowing down his perfectly constructed face, chants of 'Why is this happening to us?' being mouthed out.
"I'm with someone else."
Jonghyun had never let those words go. He couldn't. They had made such a deep impact on him that no matter how much he hated himself for being bitter over Kibum, he knew he still loved him so very much. He had never forgotten about the promises they made- all sealed with a kiss. He hated himself because he was so sure that Kibum had moved on, when he was no longer sure of that after what had happened a few hours back.
Key didn't need verbal insults to root the fact that he did show a side of him he never wanted to, in front of Jonghyun. He felt like he was hurled into a vortex of so many problems happening concurrently. He was tired of crying, and finding the ring that Jonghyun gave him 4 years ago didn't make things any better. He slid the cool material on his ring finger, heart refusing to calm down. Key didn't remember how much he cried into the ring, he just did till his eyes refused to tear anymore.
There was nothing more perplexing to Key than the Professor asking for a rough draft of their project. What, was he doubting their capability to finish on time? What was this? Grade-school essay? Whatever it was, he was at the very least, safe with the sketch of Jonghyun he drew the previous night. Another thing that bugged him till no end, was the sketching of him, that Jonghyun had. When did he even do that? And apparently, he didn't just have one piece- he had five of them. How was it even possible to draw five of these detailed sketches of him within 20 minutes? An average of a sketch within four minutes? Was it even humanly possible?
It did make the Professor really happy, so not that it really matters.
"I knew putting the both of you together was a great idea, looking forward to the end product." he smiled.
"Yeah, you can count on us." Jonghyun grinned.
There was a few seconds of silence between the both of them, before Key spoke up, body fidgeting every so often.
"How did you-?" His question never continued before his own answer came in mind.
Key knew so much in his own heart, that he no longer needed an answer to whatever he asked of Jonghyun. He knew that just hearing more of what Jonghyun said would bring him nothing less than pain.
"You don't let someone go that easily. Not especially when that person meant so much to you and you were already planning to spend the rest of your life with him."
"Jjong, I-"
"Don't call me by that name. You've lost the right to do so since the day you left me." Jonghyun stormed off, not bothering the looks they were getting from the other students.
Key tried his best to hold back his tears, but the pressure that came from wanting Jonghyun back so badly was so overwhelming, he just broke down again. There was no care for classes anymore, not if he realized that after so many years, he still wanted Jonghyun back, so badly. He was late, but the years of cold, solitude loneliness splashed across his face that he needed the only force of life and energy back.
***
The next week went by in an uncomfortable fashion. They barely spoke to one another and the tension was high. The unspoken things between them felt like piano strings that were too tight, waiting to snap at any amount of pressure. Said pressure was put on full force that Saturday evening. Key went out to one of the local bars with the intention to drink away all thoughts of Jonghyun.
He was in desperate need of stress relief and that was the best way he could come up with to do so. He went out fairly early- hoping to get plastered and home by midnight. That was about as much recklessness as he would commit to, considering he had to get up early for the project.
By 9:30 he'd already drained two bottles of Soju plus three random shots of which he couldn't remember the names; only recalling the pretty colors they had been. He had just ordered some electric blue drink that had at least five kinds of liquor in it when his phone rang. He looked at the caller id, the name of the person he was trying to forget. He knew he shouldn't answer, but his hands had a mind of their own; pressing the green button and bringing the phone clumsily to his ear.
"Y-y-yeobseyo?" He answered with a hiccup at the end.
"You could at least have the decency to answer my texts so I don't have to waste my minutes like this on you." Jonghyun bristled.
"What are you talkin bout?" Key slurred. "You didn't text me."
He pulled the phone back while squinting his eyes at the screen. He had 12 missed texts.
"I texted you twe-"
"Oh hey! It says you texted me TWELVE times. Wow. I guess I didn't hear the little chime noise sound thing go off." Key interrupted the older boy with a giggle.
"Kibum, are you....are you drunk??!?"
All Jonghyun received was another set of giggles before the other boy hung up on him.
Key slid his phone back into his pocket and began to slurp away happily at his new drink.
Two more of those pretty blue drinks later, Key was more than three sheets to the wind. His head was lolling forward and his movements were sloppy. He made to order a shot and toppled off his barstool. He knew the floor was supposed to be coming at him but it felt like it was still so far away. He opened his eyes to see that he was wrapped in a pair of familiar arms attached to a very pissed off face.
"I'm taking you home." Jonghyun growled through clenched teeth as he pulled Key forcibly toward the door.
Once on the street Jonghyun leaned Key against the nearest wall. He took a couple calming breaths before speaking.
"What's your address?"
Key didn't answer, he was busy running his knuckles over the brick behind him; noting the roughness. He wondered briefly if that's what it felt like to be licked by a lion. He'd heard on some tv program that lion's tongues are like sandpaper, it makes it easier for them to clean flesh off animal bones.
Jonghyun rolled his eyes, losing his patience; slamming a hand next to the taller boy's head on the wall.
"Where. Do. You. Live?" He spoke slowly, keeping his eyes locked with Key's.
"I dun remember..."
Jonghyun wanted to shake Key, he was so furious. However, he figured that might reflect poorly on his report - especially if he killed the other boy. He opted instead to drag the drunken diva to his place.
***
Jonghyun had been eerily silent on the ride to his apartment, so it took Key by surprise when the older boy started yelling at him when they got inside.
"Do you have any idea how many bars I had to go to before I found you?! What the hell were you thinking?!!"
Key leaned against the kitchen counter trying to form a coherent sentence.
"I was trying to forget." He finally breathed out.
"Forget? Forget what? How much of an arrogant asshole you are?? Forget how your stupidity could RUIN our project - MY performance report???!"
Key closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold the tears at bay while remaining mute.
"Figures. You don't have an answer. God, I know you're a lot of things, but I didn't think irresponsible was one of them!"
Snap.
The pressure had finally became too much. Key's head was swimming and he was tired of staying silent ; keeping his feelings in.
"FUCK YOU KIM JONGHYUN! I went there to forget about YOU! And who the hell asked you to come for me anyway??? Why don't you go fuck that high horse you rode in on, and leave me alone!" Key screamed hysterically as he pushed past the other boy, only to be shoved back against the counter.
"Me? Why would you need to forget me? I thought you'd done that a long time ago." Jonghyun questioned, his face a mask of sadness and confusion.
"I never forgot. I tried, god I tried so hard, but it was always you." Key sobbed out, the tears finally flowing down with vengeance.
He felt very sober, and he didn't particularly like the feeling.
"I would have thought whoever you were seeing would've been a sufficient distraction." The older boy snarled bitterly.
"There was no one else. I lied, ok?! The other person was ME. I saw what we were doing to each others lives, how we were holding each other back, I didn't want that for us. I didn't want you to resent me or vice versa. I couldn't bear that. I thought I could handle you hating me, but I was wrong." Key slumped down to the ground, exhausted, and curled his arms around his knees; sobbing for all he was worth.
***
The last thing he remembered was passing out on the floor, hot tears marring his face. So he was fairly surprised when he awoke under the covers of a comfy bed. The world seemed entirely too bright, but he fought to keep his eyes open. He surveyed his surroundings before rolling over. He came face to face with a sleeping Jonghyun; curved towards Key but laying on top of the covers. They were both still in their clothes from the previous evening so he deduced that nothing had happened.
He flopped over onto his back and let out a long sigh. Unfortunately he could remember almost everything he had said last night. Regret bubbled up in his throat, choking him and causing his eyes to water. Fat tears slid down the sides of his face, collecting in his hair. He felt the sudden swipe of finger tips along his face and sucked in a stuttering breath.
"Didn't you get enough of this last night?" Jonghyun said with a sad smile.
Key sat up and turned away from the other boy. He was sober enough now to worry about saving face, though he knew the damage has already been done.
Jonghyun sat up and scooted closer, laying a gentle hand on Key's shoulder.
"Hey. Hey. Would you please look at me?"
Key turned around reluctantly to an expectant looking Jonghyun.
"So....I had a lot of time to think about last night. About what you said, I mean." He started, causing Key to facepalm.
"I was really pissed off for a few hours, I honestly wanted to strangle you. I mean, how could you think it was ok to decide that all on your own?" He took a steadying breath.
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to yell at you. Ok, so yeah I was angry, but then I really sat down and thought about it. Put myself in your shoes. And I can see what would've caused you to come to your conclusions. I DO NOT like the solution you chose. But I guess I can understand why. I just wish you would have talked to me. We never used to have a problem telling each other anything."
"I was a coward, and I was afraid." Key whispered.
"Afraid of what? Me?" Jonghyun pressed.
"Well yes, actually. I was afraid that you would do that thing where you make all logical thought go out the window at the slightest touch."
Jonghyun gave a hard laugh, clutching his stomach. He stopped immediately when he saw the sullen pout on Key's face.
"Yeobo, I hate to tell you this....but that plan you had wasn't even in the same vicinity of logical thought."
Key froze and gave several slow blinks.
"What did you say?"
Jonghyun looked puzzled. "Uh, your plan made no sense?"
The older boy fidgeted in his chair, fearing he'd said something that was in some way offensive.
"No, pabo. The other part." Key shoved the other boy playfully.
"Other par- - OH. Yeobo." The older boy smirked playfully before pulling Key into a kiss.
It had been years, but the kiss felt just like Key had remembered it- only better. It was like living in a smoggy city all your life then suddenly moving to the mountains where the air was pure. It made your heart flutter and your lungs burn in a good way. Their tongues danced back and forth, taking turns in their worship. Eventually they broke apart, foreheads resting against one another.
"I forgive you, you know?" Jonghyun punctuated with a kiss to the top of Key's head.
"I honestly don't know why, I don't deserve it. But thank you." Key mumbled as he nuzzled into the crook of Jonghyun's neck.
"Why? Because I love you. I never stopped."
Key moved to look at Jonghyun with watery eyes.
"I love you too. I'm sorry."
Like magnets, their mouths were once again attached to each other. This kiss a little more greedy than the last; teeth nibbling at sensitive lips.
"We really should get to work on our project." Key groaned breathlessly as he tried to pry Jonghyun off of him.
"Yeah. Project. I wonder how Professor Park feels about nudes?" He mused with a beatific grin.
Key giggled with a blush. His heart felt whole again, and now that Jonghyun knew everything it also felt lighter than it had in years. He knew they would still have to talk more in the future, but right now he could care less. He had Jonghyun and he had his career. He knew now, the trick to it all was balance and communication. Well that and a boyfriend who will tell you when you don't make sense. Key wasn't 100% sure what the future held, but he knew that he could face it all with Jonghyun by his side.
END.