1,340,666 women just like me

[radlab0]

Comments

Wow.

[anonymous]

I honor your openness and candor. Please accept my condolences.

Judaism is wonderful in its native wisdom and supersitions. In Judaism, a fetus is not considered a person until it is 51% out of the mother, and until it has drawn its first breath (it is at this point, the story goes, the baby's soul enters its body).

Clearly, the ancients were aware that miscarriage was/is a common phenomenon, and made up governances to comfort those who had been through it.

Maybe it can hekp bring you some peace.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to email me at dsbphd AT gmail DOT com.

-deborah bowen

[radlab0]

for me, part of what has made the experience difficult is the fact that there never was a person--not even a non-"person" fetus--and so all of that time that I was pregnant was sort of a lie.

I hadn't come across Judaism's take on miscarriage, but I did read a bit about how Japanese Buddhists deal with the loss of a pregnancy.

Thanks for your kind words.

[wadcutter]

I'm sorry darlin'.

Hugs,
C

[radlab0]

Thanks.

As you are well aware, loss and grief are no picnic.

I guess we all just learn to deal with what we get, if that makes any sense.

I hope you're doing okay (I've enjoyed reading about your knife production!).

[esmesquall]

I'm very sorry about this, Julia. I'm thinking of you, and I appreciate your candor writing publicly about such a painful and private subject. Take care.

[radlab0]

I actually feel sort of rude and selfish for bringing it up, if that makes any sense. Like I just up and ruined everyone's day by forcing them to think their own losses, and making them feel obliged to say something to me.

Mostly, I've been feeling quite a bit better since Tuesday, and much more able to get back to worrying about everyone else--you know, doing things like hoping that you like your new job at FreeGeek, or being pleased that Grace's surprise anniversary party for her parents went so well.

[accipit3r]

What a rollercoaster freefall of a situation.

Even after reading everything you had to say (and good on you for being able to say it), *I* really don't know what to say other than I'm very sorry, and that you both have my condolences and my ear if need be.

Take time, and take it easy. Much love guys.

[radlab0]

Thanks for checking in, even if you feel like don't know what to say.

Back when you visited, I still hadn't heard the bad news, and it was hard not telling you. But now I'm glad that I didn't--I know you would have been excited about my pregnancy, and it seems better that you only knew about it after the fact. I don't know if that makes sense, but there you have it.

[knile]

Thank you for sharing a very sensitive topic. My thoughts are with you both. I really don't believe that I can understand what you are going through. I have always been aware of the existence of miscarriages, but only recently started to know the details. Your writing taught me way more than I ever could have expected from a simple LJ cut

[radlab0]

I was thinking a little bit about the miscarriage statistics, and wondering how common it would be among people who were actively trying to avoid pregnancy. The typical use failure rate for condoms is 14% (meaning that 14% of women who rely solely on condoms for birth control will become pregnant in a given year). One quarter of 14% is 3.5%--so it's actually possible that you know one or two girls who accidentally got pregnant and then miscarried.

Even with birth control pills, the typical-use failure rate is 5%, so 1.25% of birth control users might have miscarriages.

I'm glad that you got something out of this, though.

Also, I've been meaning to ask--did you get either of the scholarships you applied for?

Funding

[knile]

I got neither the NSF nor the ANSEE (or whatever the "right" name for the DoD one is). My officemate got an honorable mention on NSF, but all his work can be done on a standard desktop, so a supercomputer would be more effort than it's worth! Sigh. Such is funding life.