Private SL: Untilt

[radicalliars]

Loker was running through the halls to the room number that Cal had sent to him. There were so many different scenarios running through his head now, worry a tinge to his thoughts. Monsters? He couldn't believe he was actually thinking that, but the more research he did into it, the more it seemed like the truth. And it wasn't as if that was

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[cardsharpcal]

He can't fucking believe Loker's more concerned about a pair of pants than he is about the fact that Cal's obviously lost twenty years. He's not sure exactly how many, but to judge by his hair, long enough that it fell in his eyes if it wasn't slicked back, he's not yet twenty eight, because when he was twenty eight he got it cut short and kept it that way. This is impossible, and yet clearly, it's not, because here he is. It's not losing the years that made him get back into poker as hard as he had last night, it was just because why the hell not? They're not going to be able to go back, that much is clear enough by now. All the reasons that he'd gone legit were gone here. There was no threat of jail, no Emily to put in danger, no Gillian to disappoint, no Zoe. He's got nothing left to lose, and he can remember exactly what he lost to get to this point, and that makes him unpredictable

[radicalliars]

"I wouldn't mind," Eli offers with a soft smile, as Cal mentions taking some of the shirts from his room. As if he has to say as much, as if it's not obvious. As if there's any question that it's not just another thing that he'll give to Cal, that he wouldn't enjoy seeing him in those shirts and knowing he's worn them before.

He follows in after Cal, closing the door behind him, but he's already started to strip. It makes him smile and he stops, pauses to enjoy the view. He's beautiful. He's always thought Cal was attractive, even with almost twenty years on him, but he can't deny that losing twenty years makes him even more striking.

He grins as Cal flops down in bed, pats the space beside him expectantly. Loker strips down to his briefs, and that undershirt and crawls in beside him with a smile. He leans in close, a soft murmur at the proximity. This is... nice.

[cardsharpcal]

"I figured as much," he says

[radicalliars]

It's heavy and as intense as if it's burning inside of him, the desire to push, to ask what this all means, if it means anything at all. He wants it to. He wants it so badly that now, when everything has been so different, he's almost afraid of the answer. This thing he'd had with Cal wasn't quite what he wanted, not really, all unadmitted and nothing for certain. But it was something, and apparently he'd gotten somewhat attached to the fact that it wasn't 'no', too

[cardsharpcal]

Cal was waiting for it, so certain it was coming that he'd have put a bet on it, so when Eli asks, the corners of his mouth quirk up, and he shifts his head on the pillow a few times, to get comfortable, and get so he could see Eli easily

[radicalliars]

Eli is looking at Cal, half expecting the usual brush off, half expecting something worse. But, Cal isn't brushing him off, instead he's turning to better look at him, and Eli's heart flutters in his chest with a mix of hope and worry as he looks up at Cal. He stays quiet, listens as Cal talks, offers to try, and even just that fills him with warmth. He lets his longer legs curl with Cal's, runs fingers against his side

[cardsharpcal]

Eli looks terrified, and Cal wishes the man wasn't so vulnerable, but he knows that it's because he wants so much more than he thinks he can have. Truthfully, Cal isn't sure just how deep his own feelings run, doesn't know the limits of what he wants with Eli, but he knows what it's not

[radicalliars]

"I'm not either."

Eli volunteers it, although he knows that it's redundant, that Cal already knows. Both because Loker wouldn't risk this thing they have, even as tentative and uncertain if this is anything at all as it is, and because Cal would have known. Would have seen the shame on his face as surely as if he'd told him.

Even just that admission, that he wants it to be exclusive, at least gives him ground to stand on. He could try and deal with stumbling through this blindly, if he at least knew that it meant something, that he at least wasn't just another warm body.

Cal's voice is so small when he admits he doesn't know what he wants, but that he wants more. Eli can't help the way he shifts, pressing up against him, his arms wrapping around Cal as he buries his face into the other man's chest. Because it's what he's wanted since this started. Really, talk too much deeper than this is dangerous. Too much deeper and Eli will be fighting to put words to how he feels for Cal, and inevitably making statements that Cal can't

[cardsharpcal]

Eli didn't need to tell him for him to know that Eli wasn't sleeping with anyone else. He just wouldn't, not with how much this clearly means to him. Cal's grateful, in a way, that he's not putting words to it, putting him in a more awkward position after he's already said he doesn't know what he wants, what exactly he feels.

When Eli moves close, Cal slips fingers through his curly hair and holds him close, enjoying being able to just lay here with him. It's more than comfort, and with the way things are these days, strange and far from home, he needs these nights where things seem almost normal, where he has someone to hold on to, to forget.