Fanfiction: The Damaged Trilogy - Part I
Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S2 In the Line of Duty
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Sam/Team friendship. Sam/Jack UST.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Written for entertainment purposes only.
The Damaged Trilogy
Damaged
He had failed her. He had failed her and she had almost died. The thoughts kept repeating in Jack O’Neill’s head like an endless broken record. His warm brown gaze was pinned to Samantha Carter’s sleeping form as he simply watched her breathe. In and out. Alive. He thanked a God he hadn’t prayed to for years and kept watching. The gentle fall and rise of the blankets reassured him. He hadn’t lost her. She was alive and not a Goa’uld.
The thought sent a shiver down his spine. He hadn’t wanted to believe Cassie when she had told him; had denied it all the way back to the base; had denied it right up to the moment it had turned on them in the gate room, Sam’s startling blue eyes back-lit with the lightening flash that signalled the temper of the parasite and her voice distorted as it commanded them to open the gate.
It had terrified him.
Not the Goa’uld but that it was in Sam. He bowed his head. Sat alone in the locker room earlier he had replayed the moment on the planet in his head over and over; the blood on her lip; the stunned look in her eyes. He was supposed to have been watching her back, protecting her as a member of his team. How had he missed it? Why hadn’t he realised it wasn’t her? He’d even thought her behaviour at the debriefing odd but had dismissed it because he’d wanted to get home. If it hadn’t been for Cassie…he sighed. The truth was that if it hadn’t been for Cassie, they would have found out too late; probably off-world. Jack had no doubt that the Goa’uld would have used the first chance it could get to escape and taken Sam with it. It had scared him how close they’d come, how close he’d come to losing Sam completely and yet at that moment she had been as lost to him as though the Goa’uld had succeeded; she’d still been infested; still had the Goa’uld inside her with no way of extracting it safely.
Jack had found himself with the unenviable task of interrogating the Goa’uld. He had struggled with it; had delayed it. He hadn’t been certain he could do it. Teal’c had known how hard it was for him.
‘When you speak with her; do not see your friend.’
Teal’c’s words had been wise; they had been undoable. How could he look at Sam and see anything but her? He’d sat in the cell and wondered at the torture of looking at Sam and knowing it wasn’t her at all. And the Goa’uld had offered him what he wanted; to have Sam back, whole and healthy; all he had to do was let it leave. He’d been tempted but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t trust the Goa’uld. As he had walked away, it had tried its cruellest trick.
‘No, Jack! Please! Don’t leave me!’
Sam’s own voice, choked with tears and tearing his insides out, resounded in his head. He hoped to God it hadn’t been her; that it had been a trick of the Goa’uld. He wasn’t sure that he could face her if it had really had been Sam because he had ignored her and left the room as quickly as his legs would carry him. He’d thrown up in the nearest bathroom, sickened at the idea that he had left her; that he had left Sam behind with the Goa’uld.
Events blurred after that; the tale that the Goa’uld was Tok’ra - a small resistance movement of some Goa’uld who had different ideology than the System Lords; a name, Jolinar, and the news of the Ashrak and the danger to the Goa’uld, to Sam. They had taken the threat seriously but they had been certain their security was faultless. Instead, it had served to lead the assassin straight to his target.
The image of Sam’s body lying on the cell floor swamped Jack. For a moment, he had thought she was dead. It had devastated him, ripped away the last of his delusions about his feelings for her. He hadn’t been able to hide for a second longer behind the lies he’d told himself; that he was just attracted to a beautiful woman; had fallen deeply in like with the quirks Sam hid under the layers of genius and soldier; that he cared about her like he did Teal’c and Daniel; as a team-mate, as a friend, and maybe that was a little bit more than the regulations allowed but that was OK, manageable. But it wasn’t OK. He didn’t care about Sam a little bit more than he should; he cared about her a lot more than he should.
He’d watch the medics work on her and struggled to hide his churning emotions. He had prayed for her to live - hell, he’d even prayed for the damn Goa’uld to live - anything to keep Sam alive. In the end, the Goa’uld had died; Sam had lived. But it didn’t change anything. Jack swiped at his eyes surreptitiously. He loved her and he’d failed to protect her. He had failed her and Sam had almost died. It wouldn’t happen again. He wouldn't fail her again.
o-O-o
Daniel Jackson watched Jack watch Sam. He wondered as the carefully constructed mask Jack had worn since they had discovered that Sam was a Goa’uld wobbled a little and at the furtive swipe at the tears that the soldier hadn’t been able to suppress. Military bravado, Daniel thought exasperated but subsided knowing it was more than that. Whatever emotions were pulling at Jack couldn’t be shown; he was Sam’s CO and there were regulations.
Daniel’s own red-rimmed eyes were sore and the back of his throat stripped raw from an earlier crying jag. He had sat with Cassie for a while in Janet’s office on the base after her visit with Sam. He had held the young girl while she had wept out her own fear and heartache over what had happened to Sam. When she had fallen asleep, he had placed her on the couch, covered her with a blanket and headed for his own office. He had slowly slid down the wall to the floor in the darkest corner, hidden by the shadows of his bookcase and wept silently. For Sam; for Sha’re; for himself.
It had happened again.
Someone close to him had been hurt, taken by a Goa’uld and he had been helpless to prevent it. He hadn’t even noticed! He was supposed to be her friend and he hadn’t even noticed that she wasn’t Sam. He’d been too wrapped up in the intellectual exercise of determining the cause of the attack on the planet; his mind filled with theories and hypotheses on the Goa’uld social structure. His heart ached and he laid a hand over his chest as though to ease the pain.
How had Sam felt, he mused, trapped inside her own body and seeing all her friends, all her colleagues accept the Goa’uld Jolinar as her? He knew how he would feel…betrayed, upset, angry. He sighed and nudged his glasses up to rub at his tired eyes. And that was just about their behaviour when they hadn’t known about the Goa’uld; what about after? Did she hate them for their actions? For Teal’c turning his staff weapon on her? For Jack’s unwavering distrust of her? And himself…
Daniel frowned. Would she understand why he had stayed away from her for so long and buried himself instead in trying to find out what the Goa’uld had been doing on the planet in the first place? Would she understand how he’d wanted to pretend for a little while longer that it hadn’t happened? He wouldn’t blame Sam if she never wanted anything to do with any of them ever again. They had ignored the warnings of the Goa’uld and effectively handed it and Sam over to the Ashrak on a silver platter. Not that they knew for certain how aware Sam had been during her experience; how much of what happened she remembered.
He so desperately hoped she didn’t remember anything and yet so desperately hoped she remembered everything. He couldn’t deny that a part of him, a selfish, curious part of him wanted to find out whether Jolinar had spoken the truth; had she known where Sha’re was and if she had, would Sam remember? Would he be able to find his wife? Guilt swamped him. He should be thinking of Sam, he berated himself. She was what was important now.
She was obviously deeply traumatised. She had barely spoken since she had regained consciousness after the death of the Goa’uld. She had managed to speak a little with Cassie; mostly to apologise repeatedly for scaring her. But it seemed like she had slipped back to her non-communicative state once he and Cassie had left. When Daniel had returned to the infirmary he had found her seemingly asleep, curled up in a foetal position with Jack perched on a stool by her side and Teal’c standing nearby watching over his team-mates. Daniel had pulled up a chair and joined the vigil. He wouldn’t hide any more, he promised her silently; he would be there for her.
o-O-o
He was looking at a miracle. Something Teal’c had thought he would never see; a host surviving beyond the death of the Goa’uld it carried, saved in fact by the very Goa’uld who had infested her. He wasn’t certain that he could believe it yet the truth of it was lying on the bed beside him. The Jaffa’s dark eyes remained steady on Captain Carter and wondered whether the truth was as simple as it seemed. Colonel O’Neill had informed him, almost unwillingly, that Sam had indicated the Goa’uld had given its life to save hers. It seemed unlikely to Teal’c; the Goa’uld were not known for their acts of selflessness. But what of the Tok’ra?
Myths and legends; or so he’d thought. Bra’tac had told stories of the Tok’ra including the battle between Apophis and Jolinar but the Goa’uld System Lords had always denied their existence. As Apophis’s First Prime, Teal’c had never once heard Apophis speak of the Tok’ra either as a threat or a consideration. Whatever threat the resistance had once posed, it seemed to have failed to sustain its momentum against the combined will of the System Lords. Had the Goa’uld who had taken possession of Sam really been Tok’ra?
When Jolinar had spoken with Daniel, the existence of the Goa’uld she had described had been an anathema to Teal’c. They lived without enslaving either Jaffa or humans; only taking the latter as hosts by mutual agreement. Yet, there was the contradiction; Jolinar had taken Captain Carter as a host by force, seemingly against all the principles and edicts of the Tok’ra. An act of desperation? Perhaps. Teal’c was uncertain. Jolinar had certainly acted with the ingrained arrogance of the Goa’uld Teal’c knew.
She had been right about the Ashrak; right about their inability to prevent it from achieving its mission. Teal’c felt a glimmer of satisfaction that he had killed the assassin himself. He had at least been able to exact vengeance for its attempted execution of his friend. Not that the host had been a factor for the Ashrak; it had been Jolinar who it had wanted to kill - it hadn’t even considered the human Jolinar occupied. If Samantha Carter had died, her death would have been meaningless to the Ashrak, a consequence of Jolinar’s choice to take her. In the end, maybe it was that fact that had prompted Jolinar to sacrifice itself so her host - her unwilling host - could live.
Whatever the reason, Teal’c could not proclaim to be unhappy at the result; Jolinar was dead, the Ashrak was dead and his friend lived. It was more than he had dared to hope for when they had learned of the Goa’uld’s inhabitation of Captain Carter. In that moment, Teal’c had schooled himself to think of her as the Goa’uld and not as his friend believing that she was lost completely to them. He had years of practice; his Tau’ri friends were not so fortunate.
Teal’c raised his gaze and stared at the sombre face of the SG1 team leader before drifting to look at the archaeologist sitting beside him. They had found it most difficult. He had seen them both suffer during the past twenty-four hours as they had struggled to come to terms with the events that had played out. It wasn’t just Captain Carter who was traumatised, he realised. Yet, the two men would need to find the strength and courage he knew they both had in abundance, because there was no doubt in Teal’c’s mind that Samantha Carter would need them more than ever. Teal’c looked down at his friend. Whether O’Neill and Daniel Jackson found the courage or not, Teal’c knew he would be there for her regardless.
o-O-o
Sam kept her eyes tightly shut and her breathing even. She was so tired. The symbiote hadn’t slept and her body needed sleep - craved sleep - yet she wouldn’t let herself slide into unconsciousness. She was petrified she would wake up and find herself trapped in her own body again. Helpless. Useless. Screaming inside. She trembled at the memory of Jolinar’s invasion. The terrifying choking sensation of the symbiote in her mouth; the riptide of pain at the back of her throat and then…the overwhelming presence of the Goa’uld in her head, rifling through the memories, taking what it needed; taking control.
Before it had happened, Sam had naïvely assumed that there had to be a chance the human mind would prevail in a battle of wills with a Goa’uld over control of the body. The reality had been a loss of control so fast and so absolute that she had literally been stunned. The bombardment of thoughts and images not her own; the sharp, cold inner voice in her head. But she had fought back and she had surprised Jolinar; the Goa’uld wasn’t used to being fought. Sam had tried to influence it in the debriefing; small stuff like prompting the comment about Teal’c only being a Jaffa; punching the Colonel’s arm. Anything that might catch their attention, make them notice she wasn’t herself. Jolinar had been reluctantly admiring but equally as resolute; telling her that if she revealed its presence, her friends would die.
Sam had believed it and had subsided; the Goa’uld wanted to leave and it was prepared to do so quietly without harming anyone on Earth. Once off-world, it would stun the others and escape through the Stargate to another destination. She had even made Sam the promise of finding another host. Sam had not believed that but she had believed its plan to escape was sincere. Sam had rested; conserved her energy. And then, Jolinar had gone to see Cassie as it had promised Janet. She remembered with horror at how Jolinar had threatened the young girl ruthlessly; Sam had fought harder than she had ever done in her life to no avail. And it had gone rapidly downhill from there.
Their internal struggle had continued through Jolinar’s frantic determination to leave as scheduled; the frightening confrontation with Colonel O’Neill in the gate room and through the long hours of being held in the cell as Jolinar used her memories of her friends, her feelings to try and sway them, manipulate them before eventually telling them the truth. Sam couldn’t blame them for not believing Jolinar; she hadn’t believed the Goa’uld either at first, and was certain that if she hadn’t been sharing its thoughts she would have continued to disbelieve it.
The Tok’ra. For a second, an overwhelming sense of homesickness and loss filled her. She inwardly shook the feelings away. They belonged to Jolinar; not to her. Images of a life twice as long as her own came and went in her mind; too fleeting for any to stay with her; too many to deny their existence. She pushed them away and breathed deeply replacing the images with her own. Her mother. Her father. Her family. Her team.
She could feel their presence as though they were touching her. She could hardly bear to think about the ramifications of what had happened to her. She would probably lose her place on SG1. She was compromised; damaged goods; no longer worthy of her place on the elite team. More than that, she’d hurt them so badly. Yet, a small voice whispered in her head, they were all there with her, and she so desperately needed them with her despite how badly she had hurt them and how badly they had hurt her.
‘No, Jack! Please! Don’t leave me!’
The memory slammed through her and stole her breath. Jolinar had heard her screaming inside and used it; let her out for a moment to beg Jack to believe; to give her a chance. He had left her anyway. Abandoned her and left her behind.
No, that wasn’t true.
She knew what it had cost him to hear her beg and walk away; had known what it would have cost her if she had been in his shoes. Don’t leave me. She couldn’t let the words pass her lips; wouldn’t beg again but as they resounded in her head, her eyes closed and her body finally won the fight for sleep.
o-O-o
Janet Fraiser straightened her shoulders and walked into the briefing room with a confidence she didn’t feel. It had been forty-eight hours since they had first discovered Sam had been taken by a Goa’uld; more than twenty-four since the Goa’uld had died and almost taken Sam with it. She took her seat at the table and arranged her files neatly in front of her.
‘Where’s Colonel O’Neill?’ General Hammond asked briskly as he sat down at the head of the table. He looked dreadful; his eyes were shadowed and puffy from lack of sleep; his pale face taut with white lines of tension. He had barely slept since finding out about the Goa’uld; had wrestled with his own guilt at not noticing Sam’s unusual behaviour and struggled to deal with the fact that he had come incredibly close to losing someone under his command he cared for a great deal.
Janet opened her mouth, not sure what she was going to say when the sound of footsteps behind her saved her the trouble.
‘Here, sir.’ Jack took his seat. He was still wearing the same green combat trousers and black undershirt he had worn the day before; neither he nor any of the other members of SG1 had moved from Sam’s infirmary room.
‘Where are Doctor Jackson and Teal’c?’ Hammond asked impatiently.
‘They’re with Captain Carter, sir.’ Jack met the General’s unhappy gaze squarely.
Hammond decided it wasn’t worth arguing about their presence. In some respects, he was happier to keep the discussion to military personnel; it was going to be difficult enough discussing the future of SG1 without the sometimes contradictory opinions of their civilian and alien colleagues. He clasped his hands on top of the buff folder. ‘Let’s get started.’ He nodded at the petite doctor on his immediate left. ‘What’s Captain Carter’s current status?’
‘Physically, her body is recovering rapidly.’ Janet noted. ‘Her vital signs are within normal parameters. Her sleep patterns are a little disturbed but we’d expect that given the circumstances. There are some anomalies in her blood chemistry.’
‘What anomalies?’ Hammond asked pressing for details.
‘I’m running further tests to be certain but Sam’s blood now has trace elements of naquadah.’
‘Like Cassie?’ Jack inquired interested.
‘Like Cassie.’ Janet confirmed. ‘There’s also a strange protein marker we can’t identify. At this point we think it may be a residue from the breakdown of the Goa’uld symbiote.’
‘Can I just say eueww?’ Jack commented, pushing back the sleeves on his shirt.
Hammond appreciated the attempt at levity but kept his focus on the topic at hand. ‘Does it constitute a risk to Captain Carter?’
‘I don’t think so, sir.’ Janet spread her hands expressively. ‘But I don’t know for certain. We’ll have to assess her condition over a period of time to make that determination.’ She took a breath. ‘At the rate of her current recovery, I would say, physically she’ll be fit for duty in a couple of days.’
‘I’m sensing a but.’ Jack pointed at her across the table.
‘But,’ Janet said, confirming there was one, ‘psychologically, I’m worried about her.’
‘How do you mean, Doctor?’ Hammond asked.
Janet shifted in her seat. ‘Captain Carter sustained a massive trauma when she was taken over by the Goa’uld.’ She wet her lips nervously. ‘I would liken it to a severe rape.’ She saw both men flinch. ‘She was assaulted on every level; physically, mentally, emotionally. She was completely subjugated by the Goa’uld.’ She sighed. ‘There’s also the emotional damage the experience may have caused in her relationships with others…’
‘Emotional damage?’ Hammond’s voice had risen an octave; his concern vibrating through every word.
‘She saw her friends and team-mates turning against her…’
‘We were against the goddamn Goa’uld not Sam!’ Jack interrupted leaning forward across the table. ‘She knows that.’
‘Does she?’ Janet shot back. ‘She may very well be able to reason that out, Colonel, on an intellectual level, but on a human, emotional one?’
Jack threw his hands up but kept silent.
‘It’s also a real possibility that Captain Carter will not recover from this.’ Janet said. ‘Since the Goa’uld’s death, she has been uncommunicative and withdrawn. She’s displaying classic symptoms of depression. I’ve consulted with Doctor Mackenzie and he’d like to begin treatment today.’ She felt her fingers tremble and clasped them tighter around the pen she held. ‘It is our medical opinion that it could be sometime before Captain Carter is psychologically fit for duty. It’s possible she may never fully recover from the experience.’
‘She’ll recover.’ Jack argued defiantly.
Hammond sighed. ‘In any case, I see no option but to take her off SG1…’
‘No!’ The word flew out of Jack’s mouth and cut across the General’s statement. Hammond glared at him. ‘Sorry, sir,’ Jack said hastily, ‘but Captain Carter is a valuable member of my team. I think taking her off SG1 would be the wrong thing to do.’
‘Colonel, you know the protocol when an officer has been compromised by the enemy.’ Hammond said sadly.
‘Firstly,’ Jack said, ‘we’re not sure she was compromised by the enemy. By all accounts, the Goa’uld who took her was just as much an enemy of the Goa’uld as we are.’
‘So now you believe in this Tok’ra tale the Goa’uld was spinning?’ Hammond asked sceptically.
‘Not exactly,’ Jack admitted, ‘but this Jolinar character was telling us the truth about the assassin.’ He gestured at the General. ‘It has to make you wonder about the rest.’
‘OK,’ Hammond said, ‘even if the Goa’uld was friendly…’ he shook his head in disbelief and continued, ‘there’s still the question of her mental health.’
‘It may take time for her to come back from this,’ Jack acknowledged, ‘but if anyone can do it, I know it’s Carter.’ His finger stabbed the table in punctuation.
‘It may assist her recovery, sir.’ Janet said. ‘Captain Carter has worked very hard to achieve her position on SG1 and she takes a lot of pride in it. A lot of her self image and sense of worth is invested in it. Taking it away may make things worse for her psychologically and inhibit her recovery.’
‘It’s not just about Carter, sir.’ Jack said, metaphorically throwing his last card on the table. ‘We have to look at the precedent we’d set if we take Carter off the team. What kind of message does that send to everyone here about how we’re going to treat them if they have a similar experience?’
‘You have a point, Colonel.’ Hammond murmured. The General considered their words turning them over in his head. Jack waited impatiently, aware that his heart was pounding in his chest. He knew Hammond had a personal connection to Carter but it had never swayed the General’s decisions before.
‘OK.’ Hammond agreed finally. ‘I say we give our people a chance. Captain Carter stays on SG1.’
Jack resisted the urge to punch the air in celebration.
‘Although I still have to sell it to my superiors.’ Hammond warned.
Jack nodded. ‘You could always remind them she just helped to save the world.’ He motioned at the General. ‘That might help.’
Hammond gave a tight smile. ‘We’ll assign someone else as a temporary replacement during her absence.’ He said firmly. ‘I’ll make the personnel files available to you and will expect your recommendations by sixteen-hundred tomorrow. SG1 can go back on rotation after…’
‘Sir?’ Janet cleared her throat as his pale blue eyes pinned her questioningly. ‘I think all of SG1 should go on stand down with Captain Carter.’
‘Doctor?’
‘All of the team suffered emotional distress to some degree,’ she ignored Jack squirming in his chair opposite, ‘both in the shock of their team-mate being taken as a Goa’uld and in their interactions with the Goa’uld. I think it’s very important if Captain Carter is to remain on the team that they address that.’
‘I agree, sir.’
Hammond’s head snapped around to Jack. ‘Excuse me, Colonel?’ He could see from the slack-jawed doctor he wasn’t the only one surprised. It was unheard of for Jack to agree to downtime for the team.
Jack shrugged awkwardly, his brown eyes flickering nervously to the petite brunette opposite him. ‘The Doc’s right. It’s not only Captain Carter who needs to recover from the experience, sir. All of SG1 has been affected by this.’
There was a shocked silence at his admission.
‘You’re really on board with this?’ Hammond said eventually.
‘I am.’ Jack confirmed. If SG1 were off mission rotation they could spend the time with Sam.
‘OK.’ Hammond sighed. ‘SG1 is on stand down until further notice.’
Jack nodded in relief. ‘Thank you, sir.’
‘Is there anything else we should cover?’ Hammond asked.
‘Sir, I think we should anticipate a backlash from some personnel.’ Janet said thoughtfully. ‘I already have two nurses who won’t attend to her because they’re scared she’s still a Goa’uld.’
Hammond’s face stilled into an expressionless mask. ‘I want those nurses reassigned.’
‘Sir, it’s not their…’ Janet protested.
‘Reassign them, Doctor. That’s an order.’ Hammond said. ‘If they can’t handle this, they’re not right for the SGC.’
‘Even if I reassign those nurses, General,’ Janet said carefully, ‘there are still going to be other personnel who have a problem with Captain Carter because of her experience.’
‘We’ll reassign them all then!’ Jack said frustrated. ‘If people can’t handle it, they don’t deserve to be here.’
‘Sir…’ Janet stopped as the General held up a hand.
‘That’s all. Dismissed.’ Hammond rose and strode to his office.
Jack could see the General through the window reaching for the red phone as he got to his own feet. He followed Janet out and into the waiting elevator. Jack shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants and stared up at the floor indicator hoping it would discourage the doctor from speaking; it didn’t.
‘It was a good idea to have Cassie visit.’ Janet said quietly. ‘She seems to have recovered from her experience with the Goa’uld.’
‘Good.’ Jack said shortly.
Janet cleared her throat. ‘Sir,’ she hugged her folders closer to her chest, ‘I’d like to talk to you and the team about a group session with Doctor Mackenzie…’
‘That’s a thought, Doc, but why don’t we put it on hold until Captain Carter is actually talking again.’ Jack said brusquely.
Janet nodded unhappily. ‘She’s going to need you, sir.’ The words were out of her mouth before she could prevent them and his brown gaze snapped to hers. ‘All of you, sir; the whole team.’ She hurriedly added.
Jack’s stance softened at her obvious sincerity. ‘I know.’ He admitted gently.
They parted company as the elevator spilled them out onto the infirmary floor. Janet went left to her office; Jack went right, heading directly for Sam’s room. He paused in the doorway.
Teal’c had assumed Jack’s place on the stool next to Sam’s bed; Daniel was stretched out on the other bed in the room apparently asleep. Jack sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. The archaeologist had been hit by zat the previous day; actually Teal’c had shot him in order to save him, but a zat blast was a zat blast. Daniel had to be feeling it in every sinew and every bone.
Jack ignored the aches in his own body from being thrown across the gate room by the Goa’uld as he walked in quietly, not wanting to disturb either Daniel or Sam. He stopped beside the Jaffa and nodded at him. ‘How is she?’
‘She is sleeping.’ Teal’c said, pitching his voice in the same low tone as the Colonel. He got up and offered Jack the stool. It was the closest to the bed; the closest to Sam. Jack’s brown eyes met Teal’c’s. The Jaffa stood waiting; his hands clasped behind his back in his usual stance. A muscle worked in Jack’s jaw; he knew to take the stool would be a silent admission to Teal’c about his growing feelings for their female team-mate.
He took the stool.
Jack glanced at the monitor tracking Sam’s vitals, the cords snaking across the bed and into the covers as Teal’c sat in the chair Daniel had occupied earlier. The monitor beeped reassuringly. ‘How long has Daniel been out?’
‘He’s not.’ Daniel said grumpily. He sighed heavily and got off the bed. He walked round to stand at the foot of Sam’s bed. He replaced his glasses on his face and wrapped his arms around his torso. ‘I couldn’t sleep. It all keeps replaying in my head.’
Jack nodded understandingly. ‘Hammond has us all on stand down until further notice.’
‘What about Sam?’ Daniel asked bluntly as he shifted to drag a chair round fitting it in front of the monitor.
‘She’s still on SG1.’ Jack said firmly. His fierce brown gaze dared Daniel to challenge it.
Daniel blinked in surprise but nodded in agreement as he sat down; Teal’c’s eyebrow had arched delicately upwards as though to suggest anything else would have been a surprise.
Jack gestured at Sam. ‘She’ll come through this.’
‘It’s not going to be easy for her, Jack.’ Daniel mused, his own eyes moving to Sam. ‘We must have hurt her a great deal.’
Only Daniel, thought Jack fondly; only Daniel would think first at how much damage they would have done to Sam and not the damage done to them by the Goa’uld. He opened his mouth to make a comment but was stopped as Sam gave a low moan.
Their attention snapped to her.
Sam was shaking with fear; the nightmare holding onto her as she struggled back to consciousness. Was the Goa’uld within her? Lurking, hiding, just waiting for a chance to take control again? A sob escaped her before she could prevent it.
Fingers tangled around hers. Strong, comforting, real. They steadied her. Her blue eyes opened slowly. The Colonel’s, she realised with surprise. Another hand was placed on her calf; warm through the blanket; Teal’c’s. And finally, Daniel’s hand rested on her shoulder.
‘It’s OK, Sam.’ Jack’s voice as gentle as she had ever heard it.
‘You are safe, Captain Carter.’ Teal’c added, his low rumbling tone reassuring her.
‘We’re all here, Sam.’ Daniel added.
Her head tilted to meet Daniel’s emotion filled gaze before sliding to Teal’c’s fierce determination. Her eyes landed on Jack. Don’t leave me. Her fingers tightened on his but she still couldn’t say the words.
Jack leaned in close to her; his head almost touching hers as his eyes locked onto hers in perfect understanding. ‘We won’t leave you.’ I won’t leave you. The silent promise echoed in his head.
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and slid down her face.
He wiped it away gently. ‘Go back to sleep.’ There was enough of an order in the tone that her eyelids fluttered shut automatically in response. He brushed the bangs back from her face and looked back at the rest of SG1 in mutual agreement. ‘We’re not going anywhere.’
Continued in Part II.
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S2 In the Line of Duty
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Sam/Team friendship. Sam/Jack UST.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Written for entertainment purposes only.
The Damaged Trilogy
Damaged
He had failed her. He had failed her and she had almost died. The thoughts kept repeating in Jack O’Neill’s head like an endless broken record. His warm brown gaze was pinned to Samantha Carter’s sleeping form as he simply watched her breathe. In and out. Alive. He thanked a God he hadn’t prayed to for years and kept watching. The gentle fall and rise of the blankets reassured him. He hadn’t lost her. She was alive and not a Goa’uld.
The thought sent a shiver down his spine. He hadn’t wanted to believe Cassie when she had told him; had denied it all the way back to the base; had denied it right up to the moment it had turned on them in the gate room, Sam’s startling blue eyes back-lit with the lightening flash that signalled the temper of the parasite and her voice distorted as it commanded them to open the gate.
It had terrified him.
Not the Goa’uld but that it was in Sam. He bowed his head. Sat alone in the locker room earlier he had replayed the moment on the planet in his head over and over; the blood on her lip; the stunned look in her eyes. He was supposed to have been watching her back, protecting her as a member of his team. How had he missed it? Why hadn’t he realised it wasn’t her? He’d even thought her behaviour at the debriefing odd but had dismissed it because he’d wanted to get home. If it hadn’t been for Cassie…he sighed. The truth was that if it hadn’t been for Cassie, they would have found out too late; probably off-world. Jack had no doubt that the Goa’uld would have used the first chance it could get to escape and taken Sam with it. It had scared him how close they’d come, how close he’d come to losing Sam completely and yet at that moment she had been as lost to him as though the Goa’uld had succeeded; she’d still been infested; still had the Goa’uld inside her with no way of extracting it safely.
Jack had found himself with the unenviable task of interrogating the Goa’uld. He had struggled with it; had delayed it. He hadn’t been certain he could do it. Teal’c had known how hard it was for him.
‘When you speak with her; do not see your friend.’
Teal’c’s words had been wise; they had been undoable. How could he look at Sam and see anything but her? He’d sat in the cell and wondered at the torture of looking at Sam and knowing it wasn’t her at all. And the Goa’uld had offered him what he wanted; to have Sam back, whole and healthy; all he had to do was let it leave. He’d been tempted but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t trust the Goa’uld. As he had walked away, it had tried its cruellest trick.
‘No, Jack! Please! Don’t leave me!’
Sam’s own voice, choked with tears and tearing his insides out, resounded in his head. He hoped to God it hadn’t been her; that it had been a trick of the Goa’uld. He wasn’t sure that he could face her if it had really had been Sam because he had ignored her and left the room as quickly as his legs would carry him. He’d thrown up in the nearest bathroom, sickened at the idea that he had left her; that he had left Sam behind with the Goa’uld.
Events blurred after that; the tale that the Goa’uld was Tok’ra - a small resistance movement of some Goa’uld who had different ideology than the System Lords; a name, Jolinar, and the news of the Ashrak and the danger to the Goa’uld, to Sam. They had taken the threat seriously but they had been certain their security was faultless. Instead, it had served to lead the assassin straight to his target.
The image of Sam’s body lying on the cell floor swamped Jack. For a moment, he had thought she was dead. It had devastated him, ripped away the last of his delusions about his feelings for her. He hadn’t been able to hide for a second longer behind the lies he’d told himself; that he was just attracted to a beautiful woman; had fallen deeply in like with the quirks Sam hid under the layers of genius and soldier; that he cared about her like he did Teal’c and Daniel; as a team-mate, as a friend, and maybe that was a little bit more than the regulations allowed but that was OK, manageable. But it wasn’t OK. He didn’t care about Sam a little bit more than he should; he cared about her a lot more than he should.
He’d watch the medics work on her and struggled to hide his churning emotions. He had prayed for her to live - hell, he’d even prayed for the damn Goa’uld to live - anything to keep Sam alive. In the end, the Goa’uld had died; Sam had lived. But it didn’t change anything. Jack swiped at his eyes surreptitiously. He loved her and he’d failed to protect her. He had failed her and Sam had almost died. It wouldn’t happen again. He wouldn't fail her again.
o-O-o
Daniel Jackson watched Jack watch Sam. He wondered as the carefully constructed mask Jack had worn since they had discovered that Sam was a Goa’uld wobbled a little and at the furtive swipe at the tears that the soldier hadn’t been able to suppress. Military bravado, Daniel thought exasperated but subsided knowing it was more than that. Whatever emotions were pulling at Jack couldn’t be shown; he was Sam’s CO and there were regulations.
Daniel’s own red-rimmed eyes were sore and the back of his throat stripped raw from an earlier crying jag. He had sat with Cassie for a while in Janet’s office on the base after her visit with Sam. He had held the young girl while she had wept out her own fear and heartache over what had happened to Sam. When she had fallen asleep, he had placed her on the couch, covered her with a blanket and headed for his own office. He had slowly slid down the wall to the floor in the darkest corner, hidden by the shadows of his bookcase and wept silently. For Sam; for Sha’re; for himself.
It had happened again.
Someone close to him had been hurt, taken by a Goa’uld and he had been helpless to prevent it. He hadn’t even noticed! He was supposed to be her friend and he hadn’t even noticed that she wasn’t Sam. He’d been too wrapped up in the intellectual exercise of determining the cause of the attack on the planet; his mind filled with theories and hypotheses on the Goa’uld social structure. His heart ached and he laid a hand over his chest as though to ease the pain.
How had Sam felt, he mused, trapped inside her own body and seeing all her friends, all her colleagues accept the Goa’uld Jolinar as her? He knew how he would feel…betrayed, upset, angry. He sighed and nudged his glasses up to rub at his tired eyes. And that was just about their behaviour when they hadn’t known about the Goa’uld; what about after? Did she hate them for their actions? For Teal’c turning his staff weapon on her? For Jack’s unwavering distrust of her? And himself…
Daniel frowned. Would she understand why he had stayed away from her for so long and buried himself instead in trying to find out what the Goa’uld had been doing on the planet in the first place? Would she understand how he’d wanted to pretend for a little while longer that it hadn’t happened? He wouldn’t blame Sam if she never wanted anything to do with any of them ever again. They had ignored the warnings of the Goa’uld and effectively handed it and Sam over to the Ashrak on a silver platter. Not that they knew for certain how aware Sam had been during her experience; how much of what happened she remembered.
He so desperately hoped she didn’t remember anything and yet so desperately hoped she remembered everything. He couldn’t deny that a part of him, a selfish, curious part of him wanted to find out whether Jolinar had spoken the truth; had she known where Sha’re was and if she had, would Sam remember? Would he be able to find his wife? Guilt swamped him. He should be thinking of Sam, he berated himself. She was what was important now.
She was obviously deeply traumatised. She had barely spoken since she had regained consciousness after the death of the Goa’uld. She had managed to speak a little with Cassie; mostly to apologise repeatedly for scaring her. But it seemed like she had slipped back to her non-communicative state once he and Cassie had left. When Daniel had returned to the infirmary he had found her seemingly asleep, curled up in a foetal position with Jack perched on a stool by her side and Teal’c standing nearby watching over his team-mates. Daniel had pulled up a chair and joined the vigil. He wouldn’t hide any more, he promised her silently; he would be there for her.
o-O-o
He was looking at a miracle. Something Teal’c had thought he would never see; a host surviving beyond the death of the Goa’uld it carried, saved in fact by the very Goa’uld who had infested her. He wasn’t certain that he could believe it yet the truth of it was lying on the bed beside him. The Jaffa’s dark eyes remained steady on Captain Carter and wondered whether the truth was as simple as it seemed. Colonel O’Neill had informed him, almost unwillingly, that Sam had indicated the Goa’uld had given its life to save hers. It seemed unlikely to Teal’c; the Goa’uld were not known for their acts of selflessness. But what of the Tok’ra?
Myths and legends; or so he’d thought. Bra’tac had told stories of the Tok’ra including the battle between Apophis and Jolinar but the Goa’uld System Lords had always denied their existence. As Apophis’s First Prime, Teal’c had never once heard Apophis speak of the Tok’ra either as a threat or a consideration. Whatever threat the resistance had once posed, it seemed to have failed to sustain its momentum against the combined will of the System Lords. Had the Goa’uld who had taken possession of Sam really been Tok’ra?
When Jolinar had spoken with Daniel, the existence of the Goa’uld she had described had been an anathema to Teal’c. They lived without enslaving either Jaffa or humans; only taking the latter as hosts by mutual agreement. Yet, there was the contradiction; Jolinar had taken Captain Carter as a host by force, seemingly against all the principles and edicts of the Tok’ra. An act of desperation? Perhaps. Teal’c was uncertain. Jolinar had certainly acted with the ingrained arrogance of the Goa’uld Teal’c knew.
She had been right about the Ashrak; right about their inability to prevent it from achieving its mission. Teal’c felt a glimmer of satisfaction that he had killed the assassin himself. He had at least been able to exact vengeance for its attempted execution of his friend. Not that the host had been a factor for the Ashrak; it had been Jolinar who it had wanted to kill - it hadn’t even considered the human Jolinar occupied. If Samantha Carter had died, her death would have been meaningless to the Ashrak, a consequence of Jolinar’s choice to take her. In the end, maybe it was that fact that had prompted Jolinar to sacrifice itself so her host - her unwilling host - could live.
Whatever the reason, Teal’c could not proclaim to be unhappy at the result; Jolinar was dead, the Ashrak was dead and his friend lived. It was more than he had dared to hope for when they had learned of the Goa’uld’s inhabitation of Captain Carter. In that moment, Teal’c had schooled himself to think of her as the Goa’uld and not as his friend believing that she was lost completely to them. He had years of practice; his Tau’ri friends were not so fortunate.
Teal’c raised his gaze and stared at the sombre face of the SG1 team leader before drifting to look at the archaeologist sitting beside him. They had found it most difficult. He had seen them both suffer during the past twenty-four hours as they had struggled to come to terms with the events that had played out. It wasn’t just Captain Carter who was traumatised, he realised. Yet, the two men would need to find the strength and courage he knew they both had in abundance, because there was no doubt in Teal’c’s mind that Samantha Carter would need them more than ever. Teal’c looked down at his friend. Whether O’Neill and Daniel Jackson found the courage or not, Teal’c knew he would be there for her regardless.
o-O-o
Sam kept her eyes tightly shut and her breathing even. She was so tired. The symbiote hadn’t slept and her body needed sleep - craved sleep - yet she wouldn’t let herself slide into unconsciousness. She was petrified she would wake up and find herself trapped in her own body again. Helpless. Useless. Screaming inside. She trembled at the memory of Jolinar’s invasion. The terrifying choking sensation of the symbiote in her mouth; the riptide of pain at the back of her throat and then…the overwhelming presence of the Goa’uld in her head, rifling through the memories, taking what it needed; taking control.
Before it had happened, Sam had naïvely assumed that there had to be a chance the human mind would prevail in a battle of wills with a Goa’uld over control of the body. The reality had been a loss of control so fast and so absolute that she had literally been stunned. The bombardment of thoughts and images not her own; the sharp, cold inner voice in her head. But she had fought back and she had surprised Jolinar; the Goa’uld wasn’t used to being fought. Sam had tried to influence it in the debriefing; small stuff like prompting the comment about Teal’c only being a Jaffa; punching the Colonel’s arm. Anything that might catch their attention, make them notice she wasn’t herself. Jolinar had been reluctantly admiring but equally as resolute; telling her that if she revealed its presence, her friends would die.
Sam had believed it and had subsided; the Goa’uld wanted to leave and it was prepared to do so quietly without harming anyone on Earth. Once off-world, it would stun the others and escape through the Stargate to another destination. She had even made Sam the promise of finding another host. Sam had not believed that but she had believed its plan to escape was sincere. Sam had rested; conserved her energy. And then, Jolinar had gone to see Cassie as it had promised Janet. She remembered with horror at how Jolinar had threatened the young girl ruthlessly; Sam had fought harder than she had ever done in her life to no avail. And it had gone rapidly downhill from there.
Their internal struggle had continued through Jolinar’s frantic determination to leave as scheduled; the frightening confrontation with Colonel O’Neill in the gate room and through the long hours of being held in the cell as Jolinar used her memories of her friends, her feelings to try and sway them, manipulate them before eventually telling them the truth. Sam couldn’t blame them for not believing Jolinar; she hadn’t believed the Goa’uld either at first, and was certain that if she hadn’t been sharing its thoughts she would have continued to disbelieve it.
The Tok’ra. For a second, an overwhelming sense of homesickness and loss filled her. She inwardly shook the feelings away. They belonged to Jolinar; not to her. Images of a life twice as long as her own came and went in her mind; too fleeting for any to stay with her; too many to deny their existence. She pushed them away and breathed deeply replacing the images with her own. Her mother. Her father. Her family. Her team.
She could feel their presence as though they were touching her. She could hardly bear to think about the ramifications of what had happened to her. She would probably lose her place on SG1. She was compromised; damaged goods; no longer worthy of her place on the elite team. More than that, she’d hurt them so badly. Yet, a small voice whispered in her head, they were all there with her, and she so desperately needed them with her despite how badly she had hurt them and how badly they had hurt her.
‘No, Jack! Please! Don’t leave me!’
The memory slammed through her and stole her breath. Jolinar had heard her screaming inside and used it; let her out for a moment to beg Jack to believe; to give her a chance. He had left her anyway. Abandoned her and left her behind.
No, that wasn’t true.
She knew what it had cost him to hear her beg and walk away; had known what it would have cost her if she had been in his shoes. Don’t leave me. She couldn’t let the words pass her lips; wouldn’t beg again but as they resounded in her head, her eyes closed and her body finally won the fight for sleep.
o-O-o
Janet Fraiser straightened her shoulders and walked into the briefing room with a confidence she didn’t feel. It had been forty-eight hours since they had first discovered Sam had been taken by a Goa’uld; more than twenty-four since the Goa’uld had died and almost taken Sam with it. She took her seat at the table and arranged her files neatly in front of her.
‘Where’s Colonel O’Neill?’ General Hammond asked briskly as he sat down at the head of the table. He looked dreadful; his eyes were shadowed and puffy from lack of sleep; his pale face taut with white lines of tension. He had barely slept since finding out about the Goa’uld; had wrestled with his own guilt at not noticing Sam’s unusual behaviour and struggled to deal with the fact that he had come incredibly close to losing someone under his command he cared for a great deal.
Janet opened her mouth, not sure what she was going to say when the sound of footsteps behind her saved her the trouble.
‘Here, sir.’ Jack took his seat. He was still wearing the same green combat trousers and black undershirt he had worn the day before; neither he nor any of the other members of SG1 had moved from Sam’s infirmary room.
‘Where are Doctor Jackson and Teal’c?’ Hammond asked impatiently.
‘They’re with Captain Carter, sir.’ Jack met the General’s unhappy gaze squarely.
Hammond decided it wasn’t worth arguing about their presence. In some respects, he was happier to keep the discussion to military personnel; it was going to be difficult enough discussing the future of SG1 without the sometimes contradictory opinions of their civilian and alien colleagues. He clasped his hands on top of the buff folder. ‘Let’s get started.’ He nodded at the petite doctor on his immediate left. ‘What’s Captain Carter’s current status?’
‘Physically, her body is recovering rapidly.’ Janet noted. ‘Her vital signs are within normal parameters. Her sleep patterns are a little disturbed but we’d expect that given the circumstances. There are some anomalies in her blood chemistry.’
‘What anomalies?’ Hammond asked pressing for details.
‘I’m running further tests to be certain but Sam’s blood now has trace elements of naquadah.’
‘Like Cassie?’ Jack inquired interested.
‘Like Cassie.’ Janet confirmed. ‘There’s also a strange protein marker we can’t identify. At this point we think it may be a residue from the breakdown of the Goa’uld symbiote.’
‘Can I just say eueww?’ Jack commented, pushing back the sleeves on his shirt.
Hammond appreciated the attempt at levity but kept his focus on the topic at hand. ‘Does it constitute a risk to Captain Carter?’
‘I don’t think so, sir.’ Janet spread her hands expressively. ‘But I don’t know for certain. We’ll have to assess her condition over a period of time to make that determination.’ She took a breath. ‘At the rate of her current recovery, I would say, physically she’ll be fit for duty in a couple of days.’
‘I’m sensing a but.’ Jack pointed at her across the table.
‘But,’ Janet said, confirming there was one, ‘psychologically, I’m worried about her.’
‘How do you mean, Doctor?’ Hammond asked.
Janet shifted in her seat. ‘Captain Carter sustained a massive trauma when she was taken over by the Goa’uld.’ She wet her lips nervously. ‘I would liken it to a severe rape.’ She saw both men flinch. ‘She was assaulted on every level; physically, mentally, emotionally. She was completely subjugated by the Goa’uld.’ She sighed. ‘There’s also the emotional damage the experience may have caused in her relationships with others…’
‘Emotional damage?’ Hammond’s voice had risen an octave; his concern vibrating through every word.
‘She saw her friends and team-mates turning against her…’
‘We were against the goddamn Goa’uld not Sam!’ Jack interrupted leaning forward across the table. ‘She knows that.’
‘Does she?’ Janet shot back. ‘She may very well be able to reason that out, Colonel, on an intellectual level, but on a human, emotional one?’
Jack threw his hands up but kept silent.
‘It’s also a real possibility that Captain Carter will not recover from this.’ Janet said. ‘Since the Goa’uld’s death, she has been uncommunicative and withdrawn. She’s displaying classic symptoms of depression. I’ve consulted with Doctor Mackenzie and he’d like to begin treatment today.’ She felt her fingers tremble and clasped them tighter around the pen she held. ‘It is our medical opinion that it could be sometime before Captain Carter is psychologically fit for duty. It’s possible she may never fully recover from the experience.’
‘She’ll recover.’ Jack argued defiantly.
Hammond sighed. ‘In any case, I see no option but to take her off SG1…’
‘No!’ The word flew out of Jack’s mouth and cut across the General’s statement. Hammond glared at him. ‘Sorry, sir,’ Jack said hastily, ‘but Captain Carter is a valuable member of my team. I think taking her off SG1 would be the wrong thing to do.’
‘Colonel, you know the protocol when an officer has been compromised by the enemy.’ Hammond said sadly.
‘Firstly,’ Jack said, ‘we’re not sure she was compromised by the enemy. By all accounts, the Goa’uld who took her was just as much an enemy of the Goa’uld as we are.’
‘So now you believe in this Tok’ra tale the Goa’uld was spinning?’ Hammond asked sceptically.
‘Not exactly,’ Jack admitted, ‘but this Jolinar character was telling us the truth about the assassin.’ He gestured at the General. ‘It has to make you wonder about the rest.’
‘OK,’ Hammond said, ‘even if the Goa’uld was friendly…’ he shook his head in disbelief and continued, ‘there’s still the question of her mental health.’
‘It may take time for her to come back from this,’ Jack acknowledged, ‘but if anyone can do it, I know it’s Carter.’ His finger stabbed the table in punctuation.
‘It may assist her recovery, sir.’ Janet said. ‘Captain Carter has worked very hard to achieve her position on SG1 and she takes a lot of pride in it. A lot of her self image and sense of worth is invested in it. Taking it away may make things worse for her psychologically and inhibit her recovery.’
‘It’s not just about Carter, sir.’ Jack said, metaphorically throwing his last card on the table. ‘We have to look at the precedent we’d set if we take Carter off the team. What kind of message does that send to everyone here about how we’re going to treat them if they have a similar experience?’
‘You have a point, Colonel.’ Hammond murmured. The General considered their words turning them over in his head. Jack waited impatiently, aware that his heart was pounding in his chest. He knew Hammond had a personal connection to Carter but it had never swayed the General’s decisions before.
‘OK.’ Hammond agreed finally. ‘I say we give our people a chance. Captain Carter stays on SG1.’
Jack resisted the urge to punch the air in celebration.
‘Although I still have to sell it to my superiors.’ Hammond warned.
Jack nodded. ‘You could always remind them she just helped to save the world.’ He motioned at the General. ‘That might help.’
Hammond gave a tight smile. ‘We’ll assign someone else as a temporary replacement during her absence.’ He said firmly. ‘I’ll make the personnel files available to you and will expect your recommendations by sixteen-hundred tomorrow. SG1 can go back on rotation after…’
‘Sir?’ Janet cleared her throat as his pale blue eyes pinned her questioningly. ‘I think all of SG1 should go on stand down with Captain Carter.’
‘Doctor?’
‘All of the team suffered emotional distress to some degree,’ she ignored Jack squirming in his chair opposite, ‘both in the shock of their team-mate being taken as a Goa’uld and in their interactions with the Goa’uld. I think it’s very important if Captain Carter is to remain on the team that they address that.’
‘I agree, sir.’
Hammond’s head snapped around to Jack. ‘Excuse me, Colonel?’ He could see from the slack-jawed doctor he wasn’t the only one surprised. It was unheard of for Jack to agree to downtime for the team.
Jack shrugged awkwardly, his brown eyes flickering nervously to the petite brunette opposite him. ‘The Doc’s right. It’s not only Captain Carter who needs to recover from the experience, sir. All of SG1 has been affected by this.’
There was a shocked silence at his admission.
‘You’re really on board with this?’ Hammond said eventually.
‘I am.’ Jack confirmed. If SG1 were off mission rotation they could spend the time with Sam.
‘OK.’ Hammond sighed. ‘SG1 is on stand down until further notice.’
Jack nodded in relief. ‘Thank you, sir.’
‘Is there anything else we should cover?’ Hammond asked.
‘Sir, I think we should anticipate a backlash from some personnel.’ Janet said thoughtfully. ‘I already have two nurses who won’t attend to her because they’re scared she’s still a Goa’uld.’
Hammond’s face stilled into an expressionless mask. ‘I want those nurses reassigned.’
‘Sir, it’s not their…’ Janet protested.
‘Reassign them, Doctor. That’s an order.’ Hammond said. ‘If they can’t handle this, they’re not right for the SGC.’
‘Even if I reassign those nurses, General,’ Janet said carefully, ‘there are still going to be other personnel who have a problem with Captain Carter because of her experience.’
‘We’ll reassign them all then!’ Jack said frustrated. ‘If people can’t handle it, they don’t deserve to be here.’
‘Sir…’ Janet stopped as the General held up a hand.
‘That’s all. Dismissed.’ Hammond rose and strode to his office.
Jack could see the General through the window reaching for the red phone as he got to his own feet. He followed Janet out and into the waiting elevator. Jack shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants and stared up at the floor indicator hoping it would discourage the doctor from speaking; it didn’t.
‘It was a good idea to have Cassie visit.’ Janet said quietly. ‘She seems to have recovered from her experience with the Goa’uld.’
‘Good.’ Jack said shortly.
Janet cleared her throat. ‘Sir,’ she hugged her folders closer to her chest, ‘I’d like to talk to you and the team about a group session with Doctor Mackenzie…’
‘That’s a thought, Doc, but why don’t we put it on hold until Captain Carter is actually talking again.’ Jack said brusquely.
Janet nodded unhappily. ‘She’s going to need you, sir.’ The words were out of her mouth before she could prevent them and his brown gaze snapped to hers. ‘All of you, sir; the whole team.’ She hurriedly added.
Jack’s stance softened at her obvious sincerity. ‘I know.’ He admitted gently.
They parted company as the elevator spilled them out onto the infirmary floor. Janet went left to her office; Jack went right, heading directly for Sam’s room. He paused in the doorway.
Teal’c had assumed Jack’s place on the stool next to Sam’s bed; Daniel was stretched out on the other bed in the room apparently asleep. Jack sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. The archaeologist had been hit by zat the previous day; actually Teal’c had shot him in order to save him, but a zat blast was a zat blast. Daniel had to be feeling it in every sinew and every bone.
Jack ignored the aches in his own body from being thrown across the gate room by the Goa’uld as he walked in quietly, not wanting to disturb either Daniel or Sam. He stopped beside the Jaffa and nodded at him. ‘How is she?’
‘She is sleeping.’ Teal’c said, pitching his voice in the same low tone as the Colonel. He got up and offered Jack the stool. It was the closest to the bed; the closest to Sam. Jack’s brown eyes met Teal’c’s. The Jaffa stood waiting; his hands clasped behind his back in his usual stance. A muscle worked in Jack’s jaw; he knew to take the stool would be a silent admission to Teal’c about his growing feelings for their female team-mate.
He took the stool.
Jack glanced at the monitor tracking Sam’s vitals, the cords snaking across the bed and into the covers as Teal’c sat in the chair Daniel had occupied earlier. The monitor beeped reassuringly. ‘How long has Daniel been out?’
‘He’s not.’ Daniel said grumpily. He sighed heavily and got off the bed. He walked round to stand at the foot of Sam’s bed. He replaced his glasses on his face and wrapped his arms around his torso. ‘I couldn’t sleep. It all keeps replaying in my head.’
Jack nodded understandingly. ‘Hammond has us all on stand down until further notice.’
‘What about Sam?’ Daniel asked bluntly as he shifted to drag a chair round fitting it in front of the monitor.
‘She’s still on SG1.’ Jack said firmly. His fierce brown gaze dared Daniel to challenge it.
Daniel blinked in surprise but nodded in agreement as he sat down; Teal’c’s eyebrow had arched delicately upwards as though to suggest anything else would have been a surprise.
Jack gestured at Sam. ‘She’ll come through this.’
‘It’s not going to be easy for her, Jack.’ Daniel mused, his own eyes moving to Sam. ‘We must have hurt her a great deal.’
Only Daniel, thought Jack fondly; only Daniel would think first at how much damage they would have done to Sam and not the damage done to them by the Goa’uld. He opened his mouth to make a comment but was stopped as Sam gave a low moan.
Their attention snapped to her.
Sam was shaking with fear; the nightmare holding onto her as she struggled back to consciousness. Was the Goa’uld within her? Lurking, hiding, just waiting for a chance to take control again? A sob escaped her before she could prevent it.
Fingers tangled around hers. Strong, comforting, real. They steadied her. Her blue eyes opened slowly. The Colonel’s, she realised with surprise. Another hand was placed on her calf; warm through the blanket; Teal’c’s. And finally, Daniel’s hand rested on her shoulder.
‘It’s OK, Sam.’ Jack’s voice as gentle as she had ever heard it.
‘You are safe, Captain Carter.’ Teal’c added, his low rumbling tone reassuring her.
‘We’re all here, Sam.’ Daniel added.
Her head tilted to meet Daniel’s emotion filled gaze before sliding to Teal’c’s fierce determination. Her eyes landed on Jack. Don’t leave me. Her fingers tightened on his but she still couldn’t say the words.
Jack leaned in close to her; his head almost touching hers as his eyes locked onto hers in perfect understanding. ‘We won’t leave you.’ I won’t leave you. The silent promise echoed in his head.
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and slid down her face.
He wiped it away gently. ‘Go back to sleep.’ There was enough of an order in the tone that her eyelids fluttered shut automatically in response. He brushed the bangs back from her face and looked back at the rest of SG1 in mutual agreement. ‘We’re not going anywhere.’
Continued in Part II.