Fanfiction: Different Paths
Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S5 Menace
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Daniel/Team friendship.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Written for entertainment purposes only.
Different Paths
Daniel Jackson was peripherally aware of Jack O’Neill striding out of the gate room, the hard edge of the Colonel’s order to the rest of the men to remove the Replicators from the base resounding in his ears. The bugs had created a mess of blocks when they had ceased to function.
A mess. That was a good way to describe what had happened with Reese. The archaeologist swiped at his eyes and replaced his glasses. Reese lay motionless on the ground in front of him; her body sprawled where the impact from the bullet had tossed her. Her face was slack and lifeless. He slowly reached over with his good hand and closed her empty power hatch. Jack had taken the power cell to ensure that she stayed down. The hatch slid back into her neck. It sealed leaving no trace that she was robotic; an artificial life form. She looked like a young woman and if he ignored the bullet wound in her chest he could almost make believe that she was as they had found her; simply sleeping. Just like he had pretended Sha’re wasn’t dead but sleeping in the immediate aftermath of losing her.
Daniel felt more tears stinging his eyes and he clumsily brushed them away again. He got to his feet unsteadily unsure of where he was going. He looked down at Reese.
‘I’m sorry.’ He whispered. He had promised to be her friend; to protect her. They hadn’t been meaningless statements to him or just a way of getting her to trust him so she would stop the Replicators. He had truly meant what he had said. He had wanted to be her friend; had wanted to protect her. He had failed.
The image of Jack bursting through the door with his gun, already taking aim, already firing before Daniel could move, could utter a word of protest was too vivid in his mind. He felt his heart squeeze tight with remembered panic, of the knowledge he couldn’t keep his promise.
‘You stupid son of a bitch.’
Had he really said that to Jack? Daniel blinked hard and stared upwards. In that moment he had been furiously angry at his friend or had he? Maybe the truth was that he had been furiously angry at himself for failing again. Maybe he had actually meant those words for himself. He flushed with shame as he cradled his wrist to his chest.
Jack had only been trying to protect him and the base. Daniel knew that. He had even told the others when he had been arguing to speak with Reese that if things went wrong he expected them to come rescue him - because that’s what they did. Daniel talked and when that didn’t work, when that got them into trouble, Jack would shoot things especially if he believed it was the only way to save them.
The only way.
He shook his head as he remembered Jack had said as much when he apologised - and he took a moment to wonder at that. Jack hardly ever apologised. Daniel wondered how pathetic he must have looked to have garnered an apology because he wasn’t even sure it had been warranted despite his harsh words to the other man. The Colonel had had no way of knowing that Reese was complying with Daniel’s pleas for her to shut down the Replicators. All Jack had known was that Daniel’s original attempt to talk had provoked Reese to send her Replicators into battle; that the base was overrun with the metal creatures and that Daniel was trapped in a room with a robot who had already injured him once before. Moreover Jack hadn’t trusted Reese at all after all her lies and half-truths. It hadn’t been the only way things could have gone down - Daniel would never believe that - but he could understand why Jack had thought it was.
‘Daniel?’
He turned to face Samantha Carter who looked back at him with a mix of inquisitive curiosity and compassionate sympathy. He gestured at the prone body on the floor. ‘Jack shot her.’
Sam grimaced and stooped to check. She straightened and touched his uninjured arm gently. ‘Are you OK? I saw her grab you on the monitors before she knocked out the surveillance.’
Daniel raised his damaged arm wordlessly.
Sam pushed up his sleeve and winced at the swelling and discolouration. ‘You need to get to the infirmary. Come on.’ She gently pushed him in the right direction.
‘What about Reese?’ Daniel asked, strangely reluctant to leave her.
‘Siler’s going to move her back to the lab.’ Sam informed him as they stepped through the hole in the blast door.
Daniel pulled a face. He got to go to the infirmary; Reese to a lab. Because he was human and she wasn’t. He nudged his glasses up and rubbed at his eyes. Sam’s view of robots was closer to Jack’s than his. Reese had been mostly an interesting puzzle to his scientist friend, one that could potentially help the Asgard in their fight against the Replicators. Nothing more; nothing less. Was he the only one who had seen Reese as a person? As a confused, emotionally insecure child who wanted desperately to belong somewhere?
Sam placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as they got into the elevator. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
Daniel sighed heavily and held his wrist to his chest gently. ‘I only needed another minute.’
‘She was losing control of the Replicators.’ Sam replied, pushing her hands into her pockets. ‘I’m not sure we had another minute to give you.’
‘She shut them down, Sam.’ Daniel said tiredly. ‘The Replicators only stopped because she told them to not because Jack…’ he couldn’t complete the sentence.
Sam looked at him sharply. ‘He thought you were in danger.’
‘So he said.’ Daniel snapped. He saw her look of surprise at his tone and waved his good hand in a vague unspoken apology. God, first he’d taken his anger at his failure out on Jack and now Sam. ‘Sorry, it’s just…’
‘You wanted to save her.’ Sam supplied when his voice trailed away again.
‘Yeah.’ He said bitterly. Only he hadn’t. Just like he hadn’t saved Sha’re or Sarah.
The elevator stopped and Sam walked beside him down to the infirmary. The nurse directed them to a bed and Daniel hopped up. Sam went to get an icepack and returned with it a moment later. He winced as the cold hit his skin.
‘It should help with the swelling.’ Sam said softly.
‘Thanks.’ Daniel attempted a smile but Sam kept looking at him seriously as though he was a science equation she needed to work out. He looked away as his heart began to pound.
‘Daniel, if you want to talk…’ Sam began.
‘Major Carter to the control room. Major Carter to the control room.’ The announcement cut across her and Sam rolled her eyes.
‘Go.’ Daniel instructed. ‘I’m fine.’
She looked at him sceptically. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure.’ Daniel said. ‘Go.’
She squeezed his good hand and hurried away. Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk with Sam, he assured himself, it was just…his lips twisted; it was just that he didn’t want to talk with Sam.
He pushed a hand through his hair. He wondered when he and Sam had stopped talking. On one level, he believed that they were still as close as ever. They were more than friends; she was his sister in every way but blood. She understood him even when they disagreed. But there was no denying they had drifted apart as no-go areas entered their confidences. Maybe a part of him blamed her irrationally for that; Sam had fallen in love with Jack and it had created a ‘keep out’ zone between them especially since the couple had tried to put their feelings behind them and move on. They couldn’t talk about it because if they did, it would mean that SG1 itself would be in question and Daniel couldn’t risk that; the team was the only thing he had left. He felt guilty about that and resentful that he felt guilty. Yet Daniel knew he was equally at fault as Sam. He had his own no-go areas; Sha’re, Sarah, his own sense of disconnection with everything.
He sighed. The truth was that he was scared to talk with Sam because he feared she’d see through his act. God, but he was so tired of pretending everything was fine.
‘Hey. Sam told me you got into another tussle with the robot.’ Janet Fraiser slapped on medical gloves as she approached him.
Daniel grimaced as she removed the icepack and started probing his wrist. ‘Ow.’
Janet shot him an apologetic smile. ‘I don’t think it’s broken but I’m going to send you for an x-ray just to make sure.’ She stepped back, peeling the gloves from her hands efficiently and reaching for a clipboard to scribble her instructions.
‘Perfect.’ Daniel grimaced.
‘Rough day?’ Janet asked sympathetically.
‘You could say that.’ Daniel shrugged. ‘Let’s see; thrown into a bookcase, given a Replicator as a toy, tried to talk their robot creator out of destroying the base only for her to give me this,’ he raised his wrist, ‘not to mention Jack shooting said robot after I just promised to protect her.’
Janet opened her mouth to speak.
‘And please don’t tell me that he did it to protect me because I, uh,’ Daniel looked down at the ground, ‘I guess I know that already.’
‘O-kay.’ Janet folded her arms over her chest. Her dark eyes caught his determinedly. ‘You want to tell me what else is going on?’
‘Nothing.’ Daniel shifted under the intensity of her dark gaze and flushed. ‘I, uh, I kind of yelled at Jack.’
Janet’s face softened at his admission. ‘You really have had a bad day.’ She commented wryly.
He managed a small smile.
‘He’ll understand, Daniel.’ Janet assured him. ‘It’s not as though this is the first time the two of you have clashed heads over something.’
Daniel nodded. ‘I just wish he’d given me more time to talk to Reese. I was getting through to her.’
Janet pressed her lips together and took a step closer to him. ‘Daniel, have you considered the similarity of this with what happened with that computer entity last year?’
Daniel’s eyes closed briefly. The year before the SGC had been infested with a computer entity after contacting an alien world. Jack had been vehemently against talking to the computer entity but had been overruled by the General. When Sam had stepped forward to talk to it, the entity had possessed her. Jack had believed he had killed her along with the entity before they had successfully managed to reintegrate Sam’s consciousness into her body.
The situation with Reese did have some parallels, Daniel realised. The entity had been software; Reese hardware. Daniel had wanted to talk with her; Hammond had overruled Jack to allow Daniel to go into the gate room. Jack would never admit it but it must have made Jack even more worried about the danger when things had gone wrong with Reese and the Replicators had attacked. Jack must have feared Daniel was already dead when he barrelled into the gate room. Daniel reopened his eyes and found Janet gazing back at him understandingly.
Janet patted his arm. ‘I’ll send someone to take you to x-ray.’ She walked away, leaving Daniel alone with his thoughts.
He had screwed up, Daniel thought tiredly. He had screwed up with Reese; if he’d been able to talk her down in the first place, Jack would never have had to shoot her. And he had screwed up with Jack; yelling at his friend because it was easier to blame Jack but it wasn’t Jack’s fault; it was his. Daniel’s lips twisted. So, no change there, he mused bitterly; it was just one massive screw up after another.
o-O-o
Jack wiped his brow and rubbed his hand through his sweat soaked hair as he took the stairs into the briefing room. He needed a hot shower and a cold beer, not necessarily in that order. It had been a hell of a day.
Hammond strode out of his office. ‘Colonel?’
‘All evidence of the Replicators has been eradicated, sir. We’ve done two sweeps and haven’t found any sign that there were any more.’ Jack reported briskly, absently noting that the General had changed out of his fatigues and back into his usual uniform of pants and short-sleeved shirt.
‘That’s good news.’ Hammond said. ‘I’ll take the base off lockdown.’ He gestured at Jack. ‘Do you happen to know what happened to the power source for the robot, Colonel?’
‘I have it, sir.’ Jack confirmed.
‘Give it to Major Carter.’ Hammond ordered. ‘She’ll pack it away with the robot.’
Jack pulled a face. ‘We’re still keeping that thing around?’
‘Believe me, Colonel, I’m not thrilled about it myself.’ Hammond said, letting some of his unease show on his rotund face. ‘But the Major believes the Asgard may still find it of some use.’
‘Of course she does.’ Jack commented dryly.
Hammond shot him a chiding look. ‘It could be the answer to solving the Replicator problem, Colonel.’
‘So everyone keeps telling me.’ Jack rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tension from his muscles.
‘The robot is being packed up and placed in storage.’ Hammond said mildly. ‘The Major will pack the power cell separately just to ensure that it cannot reactivate.’
‘Good to know, sir.’ Jack returned with enough of his usual sarcasm that Hammond smiled.
‘The day the Asgard pick that thing up is not a day too soon.’ Hammond admitted, relaxing a little. His face flushed red. ‘I don’t mind telling you that the thought of those bugs getting off this base scared the hell out of me.’
‘Yes, sir.’ Jack said softly. He doubted whether the skittering sound of the metal Replicators over the concrete floors and walls of the SGC was going to leave him any time soon either.
Hammond gave him a nod of acknowledgement and turned to leave. He paused momentarily by his door. ‘Good work today, Colonel.’ He was in his office and the door shut before Jack could protest.
He didn’t think it had been a good day’s work. So they had saved the base from Repliactors; neutralised the threat the robot Reese posed…all Jack could remember was Daniel’s tear-filled and accusing gaze looking back up at him.
Damn it. What had the archaeologist expected? No matter which way he looked at it, Jack couldn’t see how it could have gone any other way. The Replicators had been attacking; Daniel had been locked in the gate room with the robot. Jack was responsible for ensuring Daniel got out in one piece; Daniel, not the damn robot. His jaw clenched as he whirled around and headed for the elevator. He would do it again; shoot it again. Maybe it was the answer to solving the Replicator problem but in his mind, the robot posed too much of a threat.
He punched the elevator call button and waited impatiently until it arrived. He stepped in as the doors were still opening and greeted Teal’c almost absently.
‘Major Carter sent me to find you.’ Teal’c bowed his head in acknowledgement of Jack’s offhand ‘hey.’
‘She wants the power cell, right?’ Jack said shortly.
Teal’c nodded. ‘She believes it would be prudent to keep all the robot parts with the robot for ease of discovery once the Asgard make contact.’
‘I think it would be prudent to send the thing back to the rock where we found it and the Asgard can make their own house call.’ Jack rejoined.
The Jaffa looked at Jack carefully before turning his attention to the floor indicator. ‘Something troubles you, O’Neill.’
Jack fidgeted. ‘I’m fine.’
Teal’c raised an eyebrow.
Jack pointed a finger at him and scowled. ‘Don’t give me the eyebrow, Teal’c.’
His Jaffa friend simply continued to look at him evenly.
Jack looked away. ‘Daniel said it was shutting them down.’
‘I saw no evidence that the Replicators were ceasing their attack prior to you disabling the robot.’ Teal’c clasped his hands behind his back.
‘Neither did I.’ Jack drew his shoulders back in righteous agreement. The Replicators had been attacking when he’d shot it. He breathed out. Daniel had been wrong. He felt some of his guard drop. ‘Daniel thinks I killed the only solution to the Replicators.’
‘Do you not believe the robot is of value, O’Neill?’ Teal’c asked calmly.
‘Of value? Yes.’ Jack answered without hesitation. ‘Worth keeping alive and risking us getting our asses kicked by her toys? No.’
‘I am in agreement with you.’ Teal’c’s heavy features assumed a serious cast that Jack appreciated. ‘The robot was a threat to the security of this planet.’
‘Thank you!’ Jack said loudly.
‘However,’ Teal’c cautioned, ‘I also believe Daniel Jackson viewed her more as a flawed individual capable of redemption.’ His lips pursed thoughtfully. ‘He is a man of great compassion.’
Jack sighed. ‘Daniel has to learn that he can’t save everyone.’
‘Perhaps it would be wise for you to speak directly with Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c murmured.
‘Perhaps.’ Jack repeated tightly. He motioned at Teal’c. ‘You heading back to your army?’ The Jaffa had acquired a rebel force a couple of weeks before. They had worked out a good arrangement; Teal’c spent his off duty hours with the Jaffa army, helping Bra’tac sort out the warriors that would be assigned to the new Alpha site. He returned to the SGC to complete his work on SG1. It was working well.
‘Indeed.’ Teal’c murmured.
The elevator doors opened on cue and Jack surged out. He just wanted to give the power cell to Carter and head home. Despite Teal’c’s urging Jack felt it would be wise to leave Daniel alone for a night to let him get past events before they talked. His face screwed up in anticipation of the talk - he was damned if he was apologising again.
Jack charged into the lab and stopped. He felt Teal’c stop abruptly just behind him in the doorway. The robot was laid out on the steel table. She was already in a body bag which had been left partially unzipped. She looked eerily similar to when they had first found her; as though she was simply sleeping.
‘Is it…?’ Jack waved at the robot and looked at Carter urgently.
‘She’s deactivated, Colonel.’ Sam assured him. ‘There are no energy readings being emitted from her at all.’
Jack breathed a sigh of relief. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the power cell. ‘Here.’
Sam took it from him with a grateful smile. She slipped it into a small plastic bag and sealed it. She placed it in a box, locked it and placed the box on the robot’s chest within the body bag. She zipped it up. Jack looked around the lab as though noticing for the first time that the final member of SG1 was not present.
‘Where’s Daniel?’ He asked aiming for a casual tone.
Sam frowned. ‘He must still be in the infirmary.’
‘The infirmary?’ Jack’s heart slowed uncomfortably. Daniel had seemed fine when the archaeologist had been chewing him out. ‘He was injured?’
‘His arm.’ Sam said succinctly. She hesitated as though she had more to add; Jack read the indecision on her face.
‘Out with it, Carter.’ Jack demanded brusquely. ‘What else?’
Sam darted a look at Teal’c before she sighed. ‘Has Daniel seemed OK to you recently, sir?’
Jack wasn’t surprised at the question. He glanced at Teal’c who looked back inscrutably. Jack looked back at Carter. He had thought something was up with Daniel for a couple of weeks but he had assumed he had been the only one to notice. Stupid really, Jack thought wryly. Teal’c observed more than most people gave him credit for and Carter had always been close to Daniel.
‘I’m sure it’s nothing.’ Sam said hastily. She made a vague, awkward motion with one hand.
But it was probably something and it was his job as leader to fix it. He mentally waved goodbye to his beer. Jack swept a hand through his hair again. ‘I’ll go check on him.’ He said evenly. ‘You get that…’ he waved at the robot, ‘packed up and into storage.’
‘Yes, sir.’
Jack wandered back into the corridor. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before he made his way to the infirmary. Talking with Daniel was sometimes the equivalent of playing an intricate game of chess, and Daniel was no slouch at chess. It was much more difficult when Daniel didn’t want to talk. For an advocate of discussion and diplomacy, Daniel could be remarkably tight-lipped about his own issues. And evidently whatever was bugging Daniel wasn’t something he wanted to talk about otherwise he would have already confided in Carter or Teal’c. Jack’s lips twisted.
He had thought things were just getting back on track with the team. It had been a difficult year. Guilt rippled through him. Some of it was his fault, he acknowledged inwardly. He had gotten too close to Carter and had allowed his feelings for her to show too much. He believed that it had led to Carter being placed in danger when a computer entity had chosen her. He had killed her and while they had managed to save her, afterwards he had known he had to reinstate their professional boundaries to protect her despite knowing that she returned his feelings. It had been hellish - on them, on the team. If ever Jack had wondered why the regulations prohibiting romantic relationships existed, the past year had given more than enough evidence in support of them.
Unfortunately, Jack considered as he eschewed the elevator and took the stairs, his attempts at moving on hadn’t been all that successful. He was just as in love with Carter as ever. What he had got better at was hiding it. She would never know how he felt and she could continue to move on with her life. Jealousy rolled through him at the idea of her finding someone but he wanted her to be happy; she deserved that. Since her abduction by Adrian Conrad, they had re-established their friendship though and Jack was more grateful than he would ever admit to that they had. He couldn’t be with her but he could be her friend and that was enough - would have to be enough. Which brought him back to his original thought; with his relationship with Carter stabilised, the team had just settled back into a good place.
Jack pushed open the stairwell door and strode down the corridor towards the infirmary. He found Daniel sat on a bed in a treatment room. He squared his shoulders and approached.
‘Daniel.’
Daniel’s head snapped up. The red-rimmed bright blue eyes reminded Jack that the archaeologist was upset. ‘Jack.’
Jack hovered uncertainly. He wet his lips and pointed at Daniel’s arm - it was covered by an icepack and colouring beautifully to a vivid purple. ‘How is it?’
‘Not broken.’ Daniel said succinctly.
‘Good.’ Jack winced. ‘That’s good.’
The two of them looked at each other.
‘So…’
‘I’m sorry.’
Jack stared at Daniel. ‘You’re sorry?’
Daniel nodded sheepishly, averting his eyes from Jack’s openly shocked expression. ‘I, uh, I know when you shot Reese, you believed you were protecting me and the base, well, Earth, really, and I, uh, I kind of forgot that.’ His eyes darted back to Jack’s. ‘I don’t agree that it was the way it had to go down; I don’t think I’ll ever agree on that but I…’ he sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose, ‘I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I did.’
Jack felt breathless, like he had been sucker-punched and in some ways, he thought amused, he had been. He sat on the opposite bed and clasped his hands loosely between his knees as he leaned forward. ‘What’s going on with you?’
It was Daniel’s turn to look taken aback. ‘Me? Uh, nothing, really, I’m fine.’ He stammered out.
‘No,’ Jack insisted even as a part of him argued to let it go, ‘you’re not.’
They stared at each other across the tiny space separating them.
Daniel cracked first. He looked away, dropping his gaze to his injury, but he remained silent.
‘Daniel,’ Jack sighed, ‘I get that you don’t want to talk about whatever this is, and believe me, I would rather chew nails, but…’ he left it dangling.
‘But.’ Daniel repeated softly. He looked everywhere but Jack. For a long moment, Jack figured Daniel wasn’t going to cave. ‘Do we have to do this here?’
It wasn’t a promise of talking but it was a start. Jack slid off the bed. ‘Hammond’s taken the base off lockdown. I’ll get changed and give you a ride home once you’re done getting your arm strapped. We can get pizza.’
Daniel nodded slowly.
Jack patted the bed and walked away slowly. He paused in the doorway and looked back. The younger man remained hunched over on the infirmary bed; defeat written in the set of his shoulders and despondent face. It unsettled Jack and he turned away, walking swiftly down the corridor rather than remain looking at Daniel. He only knew that whatever it was Daniel didn’t want to talk about it, he suddenly had a gut feeling that he probably didn’t want to talk about it either. But he would talk about it; they had to because whatever it was, they had to fix it.
o-O-o
The apartment seemed much smaller with Jack, dressed in civvies of khakis and sweatshirt, sat on his sofa, beer in one hand, watching Daniel’s seldom used television with the sound on mute and waiting impatiently for the pizza to be delivered. Daniel had excused himself on the pretext of needing to change. Undressing and redressing was excruciatingly painful with his strapped up arm and at one point he had almost asked Jack to help him. He ended up giving up on the jeans and settled for sweats. He finally shuffled back into the den and sat down grumpily in the only comfy chair.
Jack shot him a look and got up. A minute later, the hard surface of a glass nudged Daniel’s shoulder and he reached up with his good hand to take the water Jack had got him. Jack handed him some painkillers silently.
The doorbell rang.
‘I’ll get it.’ Jack said dryly. He walked over to the door, leaving Daniel to swallow the painkillers. Daniel heard him greet the pizza guy and he set the water down as Jack walked back with the pizza box. He placed it on the coffee table and flipped the lid before he disappeared into the kitchen and rummaged for napkins. He handed Daniel a wad of them before he sat back on the sofa and grabbed a slice, stuffing it into his mouth.
Daniel inched forward and took a slice. His stomach rumbled appreciatively at the smell of baked bread, spicy tomato sauce and melted cheese. He was suddenly hungry and he vaguely realised that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. The aromatic pepperoni had his mouth watering before he had taken his first bite.
There was nothing in the apartment for five minutes other than the sound of chewing. Daniel grabbed the last slice as Jack wiped his fingers off and threw the napkin into the empty box. Daniel took his time eating; he knew when it was over Jack would expect him to start talking and he had no idea what he was going to say.
He didn’t know what surprised him most; that Jack had realised that something was wrong or that the other man was insisting they discuss it. Probably the latter, Daniel mused as he licked tomato sauce off one finger. Jack was fairly observant where the team was concerned. He generally knew when something was off with one of them. He had to, Daniel considered seriously; it was Jack’s job as CO to ensure they all were capable of fulfilling their duties, that there was nothing preventing them from functioning at top efficiency. Usually Jack left them to work out stuff and only intervened when they failed to do so. Which meant, Daniel realised with a sinking heart, that if Jack was confronting him on it, the Colonel had spotted it before the outburst in the gate room that day.
‘You want to play a game of chess?’ Jack asked, grabbing Daniel’s attention.
Daniel blinked and realised his hand was empty; the pizza was gone and the time of reckoning was at hand. But if Jack wanted a game of chess…
‘Sure.’ Daniel sank back when Jack waved at him to stay put. The painkillers were beginning to kick in and he gingerly moved his bad arm to rest against a cushion as Jack set up the board.
Jack took a sip of beer and moved a pawn.
They played a few moves in silence, both of them focused on the game. Daniel was simply grateful for the delay. He shifted a knight and Jack moved to take a rook.
‘So, what’s going on?’ Jack asked with a studied casual air.
Daniel frowned, a faint hint of panic taking hold as his gaze shifted to Jack. The older man was looking at the board. The game had been a tactic, Daniel surmised. Jack had meant to distract him and catch him off kilter…or put him at ease by not making it all about ‘The Talk’; one or the other. He took one of Jack’s bishops. ‘I don’t know exactly.’ He muttered.
‘Try.’ Jack said, moving another piece to safety.
Try. It sounded so easy. Daniel considered the board. He moved a pawn and reached for the beer he hadn’t touched. Dutch courage. ‘Did you mean it when you said you wouldn’t ask Teal’c to stay if he wanted to leave?’
Jack stared at him blankly for a long moment evidently taking time to place where he had made the comment to Daniel. It had happened when Daniel had gone to urge Jack to talk Teal’c into staying on SG1 despite becoming the leader of the rebel Jaffa. Jack had responded that if Teal’c wanted to leave, his wanting him to stay wouldn’t matter. Jack’s thumb worried at the label on the bottle. ‘My point was that if Teal’c wanted to leave then my asking him to stay wasn’t going to make any difference to the outcome.’
‘You don’t think he would want to know?’ Daniel asked mildly.
The Colonel moved his pawn again before he answered. ‘I would hope Teal’c would always know that my default position is that I want him to stay.’ His gaze didn’t shift from the board and Daniel realised Jack was uncomfortable with the question and the admission.
Daniel studied the board. He made his next move before he took another gulp of beer. ‘So you think because Teal’c should know that you want him to stay that actually telling him wouldn’t alter his decision to leave if he really wanted to go.’
Jack sighed and pointed his beer bottle at Daniel. ‘We’re not talking about Teal’c, are we?’ His dark, guarded eyes pinned Daniel’s ruthlessly.
Daniel could feel the flush spread up his neck and across his cheeks. ‘I guess not.’
They looked at each other for a long moment. Daniel could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He cleared his throat. ‘It’s your move.’
Jack raised an eyebrow but his eyes dropped to the board and Daniel hastily took another gulp of beer. He lost another rook as Jack moved his knight.
The Colonel before he sat back from the board. ‘You want to leave.’
‘I don’t know.’ Daniel wet his lips as he regarded the trap Jack had constructed on the chess board. He sacrificed two pieces in his head and shifted his King. ‘I don’t think it’s so much that I want to leave as it is that I’m just not sure I’m doing much good by staying.’
Jack moved faster to play his move than Daniel expected. He didn’t take the obvious sacrifice Daniel had positioned and took another piece instead. ‘That has to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me.’
The blunt harsh words prompted Daniel into a glancing look at his friend. He found Jack scowling back at him.
Jack gestured with his beer bottle. ‘You just helped save the world from an asteroid not to mention that our alliance with Teal’c’s merry band of rebel Jaffa is mostly down to you negotiating the deal with the Pentagon. You do good, Daniel.’
‘OK, so maybe once in a while,’ Daniel conceded, ‘but you have to admit, Jack, it’s never enough.’ He moved another pawn into the firing line. ‘Every time we defeat a Goa’uld another one springs up. A part of our own government has tried to kill us,’ and that had stung badly knowing that their efforts were so unappreciated, ‘and we’ve lost people.’ Too many people. Daniel found himself blinking back tears unexpectedly and he looked over at the picture of Sha’re on the side table.
‘It’s a war, Daniel.’ Jack responded, taking another of Daniel’s pieces as he countered Daniel’s clumsy offence.
Daniel bristled. He got what Jack was saying. Wars were brutal and violent by their nature; they ebbed and flowed. Battles were won and lost; people were saved and sacrificed. For every victory won, there was a defeat. They had allied with the rebel Jaffa but lost the Tollan; saved Earth from Anubis but seen the Tok’ra scattered through the galaxy as Anubis attacked their bases. Intellectually he could understand it, but he was uncertain that he would ever be able to accept it.
‘It didn’t feel like a war in the beginning.’ Daniel muttered.
‘No.’ Jack agreed. ‘It didn’t.’ He looked up and caught Daniel’s eyes. ‘It’s been a tough year.’
Daniel moved another piece almost without thinking and jerked his gaze away from Jack. He stared sightlessly at the board in front of him. ‘I just want to make a difference.’ He said out loud, giving voice to the desperate need that had been nagging at him for so long. The silence stretched and rubbed against Daniel’s raw emotions like sandpaper on wood.
‘Is that what today was about?’ Jack asked quietly as he moved his knight.
‘Maybe.’ Daniel admitted as he shifted another chess piece to safety. He rubbed his forehead with his good hand. ‘I was so sure that I could talk her down.’
‘And if you had you would have saved the base and potentially provided the Asgard with the solution to the Replicators.’ Jack completed, advancing forward on the chess board. He tugged at the label on the bottle.
‘If I’d had another minute…’ Daniel said defensively. He sacrificed his Queen.
Jack grimaced. ‘But I didn’t give you it.’ There was a gleam of understanding in his dark eyes as if for the first time he truly got why Daniel had been so upset with him beyond the obvious difference in their approaches.
‘I know you felt you couldn’t take the risk.’ Daniel replied with a sigh. He watched as Jack won the game.
More silence.
Daniel figured Jack was trying to work out what to say to him. He motioned with his beer. ‘It’s OK, Jack. You don’t need to give me a pep talk.’
‘I don’t.’ Jack lifted the bottle to his lips again and tilted it, draining it. ‘Well, that’s a relief.’
There was a caustic edge to Jack’s voice that had Daniel wincing.
‘Look,’ Jack set the bottle down, ‘dealing with the reality of a war is hard on everyone,’ he pulled a face and Daniel caught a glimpse of just how exhausted his friend was before the military façade and bravado slammed back into place. ‘It’s not like you’re even trained for it.’
It was true, Daniel realised. Jack and Sam were both Air Force; they had trained for war, and Teal’c’s cultural ethos was all centred on war. Maybe that explained why they seemed to cope so much better than him, Daniel considered tiredly. His profession was archaeology. He had been an academic before Abydos and the Stargate programme. He hadn’t ever wanted or thought that he would ever be a foot soldier in a war with an alien race.
‘You need to let me know if this getting too much for you to handle.’ Jack said bluntly.
The statement rocked Daniel, panicked him. ‘I can handle it.’ He shot back.
‘Are you sure?’ Jack pressed. His dark gaze bore into Daniel’s.
He hadn’t been handling it, Daniel conceded with some chagrin. ‘I can handle it.’ He repeated firmly.
Jack looked at him for a long moment that had Daniel feeling like he was a bug under a microscope. ‘OK.’
‘OK?’ Daniel blinked at Jack in surprise.
‘OK.’ Jack said again. He pointed at Daniel. ‘But I’m trusting you to tell me if you can’t.’ He grimaced. ‘I need to know you can do this.’
Daniel nodded slowly. It was fair. As a team, their lives depended on being able to count on one another out in the field. Jack had to trust that Daniel could deal with the reality; that it wouldn’t tear him up inside, that he wouldn’t let it.
Jack got to his feet. He picked up his jacket from the back of the sofa and shrugged into it. ‘You going to be OK?’
It wasn’t meant to be a loaded question but Daniel’s lips twisted anyway. ‘I’ll be fine.’
The older man hesitated as he straightened the leather collar. But he seemed to think twice about staying. ‘I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Give you a ride into the base.’
‘Thanks.’ Daniel walked Jack to the door and closed it firmly behind him. He threw the lock and secured the chain. The apartment seemed suddenly empty and vast. Daniel ignored the loneliness that crept back over him and wandered back through to the sitting area. He picked up his discarded beer, pulled a face and set it down again.
Daniel blinked. He actually felt better, he mused ruefully. He might not have wanted to talk with Jack but it had helped a little. Jack was right; they were at war and war was tough and unyielding. He could handle it, Daniel thought determinedly; he could. He needed to if he was going to make a difference. Maybe he would still get a chance to make up for his failures. He reached for the picture of his wife.
His fingers traced over her dark features; the curly waterfall of hair, the shimmering chocolate of her eyes, the pout of her lips. He had loved her so much. Still did. He hugged the picture to him, closed his eyes and curled up around it. He had lost her and lost his purpose; he needed to make a difference…
‘Why is that important?’
Daniel’s eyes snapped wide open. Sha’re’s son sat across from him on the sofa. He looked no different than the last time he had set eyes on him; a young boy in robes and surrounded by a faint glow. ‘Shifu.’ He shifted to look at him fully. ‘Are you here?’
Shifu smiled enigmatically. ‘You did not answer the question.’
He pushed his glasses up his nose. ‘Don’t you think making a difference is important?’
‘Oma teaches that one pebble cannot truly change the flow of the river.’ Shifu replied.
Daniel jerked awake with a start. His heart was pounding. The apartment was empty. He rubbed his chest and took a deep breath. It was a dream. Probably caused by drinking beer on top of the painkillers. He closed his eyes again. He was so tired. It was only a dream…
o-O-o
Oma perched on the arm of the sofa and placed her hand on Shifu’s shoulder. ‘You should not be here.’
‘I feel responsible for his choice.’ Shifu said, gathering his robes around him. He turned to her with pleading eyes. ‘For the one he has made and the one he will make.’
‘His fate remains in his hands.’ Oma chided him. And she believed deeply that Daniel Jackson’s journey was not over.
fin.
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S5 Menace
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Daniel/Team friendship.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Written for entertainment purposes only.
Different Paths
Daniel Jackson was peripherally aware of Jack O’Neill striding out of the gate room, the hard edge of the Colonel’s order to the rest of the men to remove the Replicators from the base resounding in his ears. The bugs had created a mess of blocks when they had ceased to function.
A mess. That was a good way to describe what had happened with Reese. The archaeologist swiped at his eyes and replaced his glasses. Reese lay motionless on the ground in front of him; her body sprawled where the impact from the bullet had tossed her. Her face was slack and lifeless. He slowly reached over with his good hand and closed her empty power hatch. Jack had taken the power cell to ensure that she stayed down. The hatch slid back into her neck. It sealed leaving no trace that she was robotic; an artificial life form. She looked like a young woman and if he ignored the bullet wound in her chest he could almost make believe that she was as they had found her; simply sleeping. Just like he had pretended Sha’re wasn’t dead but sleeping in the immediate aftermath of losing her.
Daniel felt more tears stinging his eyes and he clumsily brushed them away again. He got to his feet unsteadily unsure of where he was going. He looked down at Reese.
‘I’m sorry.’ He whispered. He had promised to be her friend; to protect her. They hadn’t been meaningless statements to him or just a way of getting her to trust him so she would stop the Replicators. He had truly meant what he had said. He had wanted to be her friend; had wanted to protect her. He had failed.
The image of Jack bursting through the door with his gun, already taking aim, already firing before Daniel could move, could utter a word of protest was too vivid in his mind. He felt his heart squeeze tight with remembered panic, of the knowledge he couldn’t keep his promise.
‘You stupid son of a bitch.’
Had he really said that to Jack? Daniel blinked hard and stared upwards. In that moment he had been furiously angry at his friend or had he? Maybe the truth was that he had been furiously angry at himself for failing again. Maybe he had actually meant those words for himself. He flushed with shame as he cradled his wrist to his chest.
Jack had only been trying to protect him and the base. Daniel knew that. He had even told the others when he had been arguing to speak with Reese that if things went wrong he expected them to come rescue him - because that’s what they did. Daniel talked and when that didn’t work, when that got them into trouble, Jack would shoot things especially if he believed it was the only way to save them.
The only way.
He shook his head as he remembered Jack had said as much when he apologised - and he took a moment to wonder at that. Jack hardly ever apologised. Daniel wondered how pathetic he must have looked to have garnered an apology because he wasn’t even sure it had been warranted despite his harsh words to the other man. The Colonel had had no way of knowing that Reese was complying with Daniel’s pleas for her to shut down the Replicators. All Jack had known was that Daniel’s original attempt to talk had provoked Reese to send her Replicators into battle; that the base was overrun with the metal creatures and that Daniel was trapped in a room with a robot who had already injured him once before. Moreover Jack hadn’t trusted Reese at all after all her lies and half-truths. It hadn’t been the only way things could have gone down - Daniel would never believe that - but he could understand why Jack had thought it was.
‘Daniel?’
He turned to face Samantha Carter who looked back at him with a mix of inquisitive curiosity and compassionate sympathy. He gestured at the prone body on the floor. ‘Jack shot her.’
Sam grimaced and stooped to check. She straightened and touched his uninjured arm gently. ‘Are you OK? I saw her grab you on the monitors before she knocked out the surveillance.’
Daniel raised his damaged arm wordlessly.
Sam pushed up his sleeve and winced at the swelling and discolouration. ‘You need to get to the infirmary. Come on.’ She gently pushed him in the right direction.
‘What about Reese?’ Daniel asked, strangely reluctant to leave her.
‘Siler’s going to move her back to the lab.’ Sam informed him as they stepped through the hole in the blast door.
Daniel pulled a face. He got to go to the infirmary; Reese to a lab. Because he was human and she wasn’t. He nudged his glasses up and rubbed at his eyes. Sam’s view of robots was closer to Jack’s than his. Reese had been mostly an interesting puzzle to his scientist friend, one that could potentially help the Asgard in their fight against the Replicators. Nothing more; nothing less. Was he the only one who had seen Reese as a person? As a confused, emotionally insecure child who wanted desperately to belong somewhere?
Sam placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as they got into the elevator. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’
Daniel sighed heavily and held his wrist to his chest gently. ‘I only needed another minute.’
‘She was losing control of the Replicators.’ Sam replied, pushing her hands into her pockets. ‘I’m not sure we had another minute to give you.’
‘She shut them down, Sam.’ Daniel said tiredly. ‘The Replicators only stopped because she told them to not because Jack…’ he couldn’t complete the sentence.
Sam looked at him sharply. ‘He thought you were in danger.’
‘So he said.’ Daniel snapped. He saw her look of surprise at his tone and waved his good hand in a vague unspoken apology. God, first he’d taken his anger at his failure out on Jack and now Sam. ‘Sorry, it’s just…’
‘You wanted to save her.’ Sam supplied when his voice trailed away again.
‘Yeah.’ He said bitterly. Only he hadn’t. Just like he hadn’t saved Sha’re or Sarah.
The elevator stopped and Sam walked beside him down to the infirmary. The nurse directed them to a bed and Daniel hopped up. Sam went to get an icepack and returned with it a moment later. He winced as the cold hit his skin.
‘It should help with the swelling.’ Sam said softly.
‘Thanks.’ Daniel attempted a smile but Sam kept looking at him seriously as though he was a science equation she needed to work out. He looked away as his heart began to pound.
‘Daniel, if you want to talk…’ Sam began.
‘Major Carter to the control room. Major Carter to the control room.’ The announcement cut across her and Sam rolled her eyes.
‘Go.’ Daniel instructed. ‘I’m fine.’
She looked at him sceptically. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure.’ Daniel said. ‘Go.’
She squeezed his good hand and hurried away. Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk with Sam, he assured himself, it was just…his lips twisted; it was just that he didn’t want to talk with Sam.
He pushed a hand through his hair. He wondered when he and Sam had stopped talking. On one level, he believed that they were still as close as ever. They were more than friends; she was his sister in every way but blood. She understood him even when they disagreed. But there was no denying they had drifted apart as no-go areas entered their confidences. Maybe a part of him blamed her irrationally for that; Sam had fallen in love with Jack and it had created a ‘keep out’ zone between them especially since the couple had tried to put their feelings behind them and move on. They couldn’t talk about it because if they did, it would mean that SG1 itself would be in question and Daniel couldn’t risk that; the team was the only thing he had left. He felt guilty about that and resentful that he felt guilty. Yet Daniel knew he was equally at fault as Sam. He had his own no-go areas; Sha’re, Sarah, his own sense of disconnection with everything.
He sighed. The truth was that he was scared to talk with Sam because he feared she’d see through his act. God, but he was so tired of pretending everything was fine.
‘Hey. Sam told me you got into another tussle with the robot.’ Janet Fraiser slapped on medical gloves as she approached him.
Daniel grimaced as she removed the icepack and started probing his wrist. ‘Ow.’
Janet shot him an apologetic smile. ‘I don’t think it’s broken but I’m going to send you for an x-ray just to make sure.’ She stepped back, peeling the gloves from her hands efficiently and reaching for a clipboard to scribble her instructions.
‘Perfect.’ Daniel grimaced.
‘Rough day?’ Janet asked sympathetically.
‘You could say that.’ Daniel shrugged. ‘Let’s see; thrown into a bookcase, given a Replicator as a toy, tried to talk their robot creator out of destroying the base only for her to give me this,’ he raised his wrist, ‘not to mention Jack shooting said robot after I just promised to protect her.’
Janet opened her mouth to speak.
‘And please don’t tell me that he did it to protect me because I, uh,’ Daniel looked down at the ground, ‘I guess I know that already.’
‘O-kay.’ Janet folded her arms over her chest. Her dark eyes caught his determinedly. ‘You want to tell me what else is going on?’
‘Nothing.’ Daniel shifted under the intensity of her dark gaze and flushed. ‘I, uh, I kind of yelled at Jack.’
Janet’s face softened at his admission. ‘You really have had a bad day.’ She commented wryly.
He managed a small smile.
‘He’ll understand, Daniel.’ Janet assured him. ‘It’s not as though this is the first time the two of you have clashed heads over something.’
Daniel nodded. ‘I just wish he’d given me more time to talk to Reese. I was getting through to her.’
Janet pressed her lips together and took a step closer to him. ‘Daniel, have you considered the similarity of this with what happened with that computer entity last year?’
Daniel’s eyes closed briefly. The year before the SGC had been infested with a computer entity after contacting an alien world. Jack had been vehemently against talking to the computer entity but had been overruled by the General. When Sam had stepped forward to talk to it, the entity had possessed her. Jack had believed he had killed her along with the entity before they had successfully managed to reintegrate Sam’s consciousness into her body.
The situation with Reese did have some parallels, Daniel realised. The entity had been software; Reese hardware. Daniel had wanted to talk with her; Hammond had overruled Jack to allow Daniel to go into the gate room. Jack would never admit it but it must have made Jack even more worried about the danger when things had gone wrong with Reese and the Replicators had attacked. Jack must have feared Daniel was already dead when he barrelled into the gate room. Daniel reopened his eyes and found Janet gazing back at him understandingly.
Janet patted his arm. ‘I’ll send someone to take you to x-ray.’ She walked away, leaving Daniel alone with his thoughts.
He had screwed up, Daniel thought tiredly. He had screwed up with Reese; if he’d been able to talk her down in the first place, Jack would never have had to shoot her. And he had screwed up with Jack; yelling at his friend because it was easier to blame Jack but it wasn’t Jack’s fault; it was his. Daniel’s lips twisted. So, no change there, he mused bitterly; it was just one massive screw up after another.
o-O-o
Jack wiped his brow and rubbed his hand through his sweat soaked hair as he took the stairs into the briefing room. He needed a hot shower and a cold beer, not necessarily in that order. It had been a hell of a day.
Hammond strode out of his office. ‘Colonel?’
‘All evidence of the Replicators has been eradicated, sir. We’ve done two sweeps and haven’t found any sign that there were any more.’ Jack reported briskly, absently noting that the General had changed out of his fatigues and back into his usual uniform of pants and short-sleeved shirt.
‘That’s good news.’ Hammond said. ‘I’ll take the base off lockdown.’ He gestured at Jack. ‘Do you happen to know what happened to the power source for the robot, Colonel?’
‘I have it, sir.’ Jack confirmed.
‘Give it to Major Carter.’ Hammond ordered. ‘She’ll pack it away with the robot.’
Jack pulled a face. ‘We’re still keeping that thing around?’
‘Believe me, Colonel, I’m not thrilled about it myself.’ Hammond said, letting some of his unease show on his rotund face. ‘But the Major believes the Asgard may still find it of some use.’
‘Of course she does.’ Jack commented dryly.
Hammond shot him a chiding look. ‘It could be the answer to solving the Replicator problem, Colonel.’
‘So everyone keeps telling me.’ Jack rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tension from his muscles.
‘The robot is being packed up and placed in storage.’ Hammond said mildly. ‘The Major will pack the power cell separately just to ensure that it cannot reactivate.’
‘Good to know, sir.’ Jack returned with enough of his usual sarcasm that Hammond smiled.
‘The day the Asgard pick that thing up is not a day too soon.’ Hammond admitted, relaxing a little. His face flushed red. ‘I don’t mind telling you that the thought of those bugs getting off this base scared the hell out of me.’
‘Yes, sir.’ Jack said softly. He doubted whether the skittering sound of the metal Replicators over the concrete floors and walls of the SGC was going to leave him any time soon either.
Hammond gave him a nod of acknowledgement and turned to leave. He paused momentarily by his door. ‘Good work today, Colonel.’ He was in his office and the door shut before Jack could protest.
He didn’t think it had been a good day’s work. So they had saved the base from Repliactors; neutralised the threat the robot Reese posed…all Jack could remember was Daniel’s tear-filled and accusing gaze looking back up at him.
Damn it. What had the archaeologist expected? No matter which way he looked at it, Jack couldn’t see how it could have gone any other way. The Replicators had been attacking; Daniel had been locked in the gate room with the robot. Jack was responsible for ensuring Daniel got out in one piece; Daniel, not the damn robot. His jaw clenched as he whirled around and headed for the elevator. He would do it again; shoot it again. Maybe it was the answer to solving the Replicator problem but in his mind, the robot posed too much of a threat.
He punched the elevator call button and waited impatiently until it arrived. He stepped in as the doors were still opening and greeted Teal’c almost absently.
‘Major Carter sent me to find you.’ Teal’c bowed his head in acknowledgement of Jack’s offhand ‘hey.’
‘She wants the power cell, right?’ Jack said shortly.
Teal’c nodded. ‘She believes it would be prudent to keep all the robot parts with the robot for ease of discovery once the Asgard make contact.’
‘I think it would be prudent to send the thing back to the rock where we found it and the Asgard can make their own house call.’ Jack rejoined.
The Jaffa looked at Jack carefully before turning his attention to the floor indicator. ‘Something troubles you, O’Neill.’
Jack fidgeted. ‘I’m fine.’
Teal’c raised an eyebrow.
Jack pointed a finger at him and scowled. ‘Don’t give me the eyebrow, Teal’c.’
His Jaffa friend simply continued to look at him evenly.
Jack looked away. ‘Daniel said it was shutting them down.’
‘I saw no evidence that the Replicators were ceasing their attack prior to you disabling the robot.’ Teal’c clasped his hands behind his back.
‘Neither did I.’ Jack drew his shoulders back in righteous agreement. The Replicators had been attacking when he’d shot it. He breathed out. Daniel had been wrong. He felt some of his guard drop. ‘Daniel thinks I killed the only solution to the Replicators.’
‘Do you not believe the robot is of value, O’Neill?’ Teal’c asked calmly.
‘Of value? Yes.’ Jack answered without hesitation. ‘Worth keeping alive and risking us getting our asses kicked by her toys? No.’
‘I am in agreement with you.’ Teal’c’s heavy features assumed a serious cast that Jack appreciated. ‘The robot was a threat to the security of this planet.’
‘Thank you!’ Jack said loudly.
‘However,’ Teal’c cautioned, ‘I also believe Daniel Jackson viewed her more as a flawed individual capable of redemption.’ His lips pursed thoughtfully. ‘He is a man of great compassion.’
Jack sighed. ‘Daniel has to learn that he can’t save everyone.’
‘Perhaps it would be wise for you to speak directly with Daniel Jackson.’ Teal’c murmured.
‘Perhaps.’ Jack repeated tightly. He motioned at Teal’c. ‘You heading back to your army?’ The Jaffa had acquired a rebel force a couple of weeks before. They had worked out a good arrangement; Teal’c spent his off duty hours with the Jaffa army, helping Bra’tac sort out the warriors that would be assigned to the new Alpha site. He returned to the SGC to complete his work on SG1. It was working well.
‘Indeed.’ Teal’c murmured.
The elevator doors opened on cue and Jack surged out. He just wanted to give the power cell to Carter and head home. Despite Teal’c’s urging Jack felt it would be wise to leave Daniel alone for a night to let him get past events before they talked. His face screwed up in anticipation of the talk - he was damned if he was apologising again.
Jack charged into the lab and stopped. He felt Teal’c stop abruptly just behind him in the doorway. The robot was laid out on the steel table. She was already in a body bag which had been left partially unzipped. She looked eerily similar to when they had first found her; as though she was simply sleeping.
‘Is it…?’ Jack waved at the robot and looked at Carter urgently.
‘She’s deactivated, Colonel.’ Sam assured him. ‘There are no energy readings being emitted from her at all.’
Jack breathed a sigh of relief. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the power cell. ‘Here.’
Sam took it from him with a grateful smile. She slipped it into a small plastic bag and sealed it. She placed it in a box, locked it and placed the box on the robot’s chest within the body bag. She zipped it up. Jack looked around the lab as though noticing for the first time that the final member of SG1 was not present.
‘Where’s Daniel?’ He asked aiming for a casual tone.
Sam frowned. ‘He must still be in the infirmary.’
‘The infirmary?’ Jack’s heart slowed uncomfortably. Daniel had seemed fine when the archaeologist had been chewing him out. ‘He was injured?’
‘His arm.’ Sam said succinctly. She hesitated as though she had more to add; Jack read the indecision on her face.
‘Out with it, Carter.’ Jack demanded brusquely. ‘What else?’
Sam darted a look at Teal’c before she sighed. ‘Has Daniel seemed OK to you recently, sir?’
Jack wasn’t surprised at the question. He glanced at Teal’c who looked back inscrutably. Jack looked back at Carter. He had thought something was up with Daniel for a couple of weeks but he had assumed he had been the only one to notice. Stupid really, Jack thought wryly. Teal’c observed more than most people gave him credit for and Carter had always been close to Daniel.
‘I’m sure it’s nothing.’ Sam said hastily. She made a vague, awkward motion with one hand.
But it was probably something and it was his job as leader to fix it. He mentally waved goodbye to his beer. Jack swept a hand through his hair again. ‘I’ll go check on him.’ He said evenly. ‘You get that…’ he waved at the robot, ‘packed up and into storage.’
‘Yes, sir.’
Jack wandered back into the corridor. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before he made his way to the infirmary. Talking with Daniel was sometimes the equivalent of playing an intricate game of chess, and Daniel was no slouch at chess. It was much more difficult when Daniel didn’t want to talk. For an advocate of discussion and diplomacy, Daniel could be remarkably tight-lipped about his own issues. And evidently whatever was bugging Daniel wasn’t something he wanted to talk about otherwise he would have already confided in Carter or Teal’c. Jack’s lips twisted.
He had thought things were just getting back on track with the team. It had been a difficult year. Guilt rippled through him. Some of it was his fault, he acknowledged inwardly. He had gotten too close to Carter and had allowed his feelings for her to show too much. He believed that it had led to Carter being placed in danger when a computer entity had chosen her. He had killed her and while they had managed to save her, afterwards he had known he had to reinstate their professional boundaries to protect her despite knowing that she returned his feelings. It had been hellish - on them, on the team. If ever Jack had wondered why the regulations prohibiting romantic relationships existed, the past year had given more than enough evidence in support of them.
Unfortunately, Jack considered as he eschewed the elevator and took the stairs, his attempts at moving on hadn’t been all that successful. He was just as in love with Carter as ever. What he had got better at was hiding it. She would never know how he felt and she could continue to move on with her life. Jealousy rolled through him at the idea of her finding someone but he wanted her to be happy; she deserved that. Since her abduction by Adrian Conrad, they had re-established their friendship though and Jack was more grateful than he would ever admit to that they had. He couldn’t be with her but he could be her friend and that was enough - would have to be enough. Which brought him back to his original thought; with his relationship with Carter stabilised, the team had just settled back into a good place.
Jack pushed open the stairwell door and strode down the corridor towards the infirmary. He found Daniel sat on a bed in a treatment room. He squared his shoulders and approached.
‘Daniel.’
Daniel’s head snapped up. The red-rimmed bright blue eyes reminded Jack that the archaeologist was upset. ‘Jack.’
Jack hovered uncertainly. He wet his lips and pointed at Daniel’s arm - it was covered by an icepack and colouring beautifully to a vivid purple. ‘How is it?’
‘Not broken.’ Daniel said succinctly.
‘Good.’ Jack winced. ‘That’s good.’
The two of them looked at each other.
‘So…’
‘I’m sorry.’
Jack stared at Daniel. ‘You’re sorry?’
Daniel nodded sheepishly, averting his eyes from Jack’s openly shocked expression. ‘I, uh, I know when you shot Reese, you believed you were protecting me and the base, well, Earth, really, and I, uh, I kind of forgot that.’ His eyes darted back to Jack’s. ‘I don’t agree that it was the way it had to go down; I don’t think I’ll ever agree on that but I…’ he sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose, ‘I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way I did.’
Jack felt breathless, like he had been sucker-punched and in some ways, he thought amused, he had been. He sat on the opposite bed and clasped his hands loosely between his knees as he leaned forward. ‘What’s going on with you?’
It was Daniel’s turn to look taken aback. ‘Me? Uh, nothing, really, I’m fine.’ He stammered out.
‘No,’ Jack insisted even as a part of him argued to let it go, ‘you’re not.’
They stared at each other across the tiny space separating them.
Daniel cracked first. He looked away, dropping his gaze to his injury, but he remained silent.
‘Daniel,’ Jack sighed, ‘I get that you don’t want to talk about whatever this is, and believe me, I would rather chew nails, but…’ he left it dangling.
‘But.’ Daniel repeated softly. He looked everywhere but Jack. For a long moment, Jack figured Daniel wasn’t going to cave. ‘Do we have to do this here?’
It wasn’t a promise of talking but it was a start. Jack slid off the bed. ‘Hammond’s taken the base off lockdown. I’ll get changed and give you a ride home once you’re done getting your arm strapped. We can get pizza.’
Daniel nodded slowly.
Jack patted the bed and walked away slowly. He paused in the doorway and looked back. The younger man remained hunched over on the infirmary bed; defeat written in the set of his shoulders and despondent face. It unsettled Jack and he turned away, walking swiftly down the corridor rather than remain looking at Daniel. He only knew that whatever it was Daniel didn’t want to talk about it, he suddenly had a gut feeling that he probably didn’t want to talk about it either. But he would talk about it; they had to because whatever it was, they had to fix it.
o-O-o
The apartment seemed much smaller with Jack, dressed in civvies of khakis and sweatshirt, sat on his sofa, beer in one hand, watching Daniel’s seldom used television with the sound on mute and waiting impatiently for the pizza to be delivered. Daniel had excused himself on the pretext of needing to change. Undressing and redressing was excruciatingly painful with his strapped up arm and at one point he had almost asked Jack to help him. He ended up giving up on the jeans and settled for sweats. He finally shuffled back into the den and sat down grumpily in the only comfy chair.
Jack shot him a look and got up. A minute later, the hard surface of a glass nudged Daniel’s shoulder and he reached up with his good hand to take the water Jack had got him. Jack handed him some painkillers silently.
The doorbell rang.
‘I’ll get it.’ Jack said dryly. He walked over to the door, leaving Daniel to swallow the painkillers. Daniel heard him greet the pizza guy and he set the water down as Jack walked back with the pizza box. He placed it on the coffee table and flipped the lid before he disappeared into the kitchen and rummaged for napkins. He handed Daniel a wad of them before he sat back on the sofa and grabbed a slice, stuffing it into his mouth.
Daniel inched forward and took a slice. His stomach rumbled appreciatively at the smell of baked bread, spicy tomato sauce and melted cheese. He was suddenly hungry and he vaguely realised that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. The aromatic pepperoni had his mouth watering before he had taken his first bite.
There was nothing in the apartment for five minutes other than the sound of chewing. Daniel grabbed the last slice as Jack wiped his fingers off and threw the napkin into the empty box. Daniel took his time eating; he knew when it was over Jack would expect him to start talking and he had no idea what he was going to say.
He didn’t know what surprised him most; that Jack had realised that something was wrong or that the other man was insisting they discuss it. Probably the latter, Daniel mused as he licked tomato sauce off one finger. Jack was fairly observant where the team was concerned. He generally knew when something was off with one of them. He had to, Daniel considered seriously; it was Jack’s job as CO to ensure they all were capable of fulfilling their duties, that there was nothing preventing them from functioning at top efficiency. Usually Jack left them to work out stuff and only intervened when they failed to do so. Which meant, Daniel realised with a sinking heart, that if Jack was confronting him on it, the Colonel had spotted it before the outburst in the gate room that day.
‘You want to play a game of chess?’ Jack asked, grabbing Daniel’s attention.
Daniel blinked and realised his hand was empty; the pizza was gone and the time of reckoning was at hand. But if Jack wanted a game of chess…
‘Sure.’ Daniel sank back when Jack waved at him to stay put. The painkillers were beginning to kick in and he gingerly moved his bad arm to rest against a cushion as Jack set up the board.
Jack took a sip of beer and moved a pawn.
They played a few moves in silence, both of them focused on the game. Daniel was simply grateful for the delay. He shifted a knight and Jack moved to take a rook.
‘So, what’s going on?’ Jack asked with a studied casual air.
Daniel frowned, a faint hint of panic taking hold as his gaze shifted to Jack. The older man was looking at the board. The game had been a tactic, Daniel surmised. Jack had meant to distract him and catch him off kilter…or put him at ease by not making it all about ‘The Talk’; one or the other. He took one of Jack’s bishops. ‘I don’t know exactly.’ He muttered.
‘Try.’ Jack said, moving another piece to safety.
Try. It sounded so easy. Daniel considered the board. He moved a pawn and reached for the beer he hadn’t touched. Dutch courage. ‘Did you mean it when you said you wouldn’t ask Teal’c to stay if he wanted to leave?’
Jack stared at him blankly for a long moment evidently taking time to place where he had made the comment to Daniel. It had happened when Daniel had gone to urge Jack to talk Teal’c into staying on SG1 despite becoming the leader of the rebel Jaffa. Jack had responded that if Teal’c wanted to leave, his wanting him to stay wouldn’t matter. Jack’s thumb worried at the label on the bottle. ‘My point was that if Teal’c wanted to leave then my asking him to stay wasn’t going to make any difference to the outcome.’
‘You don’t think he would want to know?’ Daniel asked mildly.
The Colonel moved his pawn again before he answered. ‘I would hope Teal’c would always know that my default position is that I want him to stay.’ His gaze didn’t shift from the board and Daniel realised Jack was uncomfortable with the question and the admission.
Daniel studied the board. He made his next move before he took another gulp of beer. ‘So you think because Teal’c should know that you want him to stay that actually telling him wouldn’t alter his decision to leave if he really wanted to go.’
Jack sighed and pointed his beer bottle at Daniel. ‘We’re not talking about Teal’c, are we?’ His dark, guarded eyes pinned Daniel’s ruthlessly.
Daniel could feel the flush spread up his neck and across his cheeks. ‘I guess not.’
They looked at each other for a long moment. Daniel could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He cleared his throat. ‘It’s your move.’
Jack raised an eyebrow but his eyes dropped to the board and Daniel hastily took another gulp of beer. He lost another rook as Jack moved his knight.
The Colonel before he sat back from the board. ‘You want to leave.’
‘I don’t know.’ Daniel wet his lips as he regarded the trap Jack had constructed on the chess board. He sacrificed two pieces in his head and shifted his King. ‘I don’t think it’s so much that I want to leave as it is that I’m just not sure I’m doing much good by staying.’
Jack moved faster to play his move than Daniel expected. He didn’t take the obvious sacrifice Daniel had positioned and took another piece instead. ‘That has to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me.’
The blunt harsh words prompted Daniel into a glancing look at his friend. He found Jack scowling back at him.
Jack gestured with his beer bottle. ‘You just helped save the world from an asteroid not to mention that our alliance with Teal’c’s merry band of rebel Jaffa is mostly down to you negotiating the deal with the Pentagon. You do good, Daniel.’
‘OK, so maybe once in a while,’ Daniel conceded, ‘but you have to admit, Jack, it’s never enough.’ He moved another pawn into the firing line. ‘Every time we defeat a Goa’uld another one springs up. A part of our own government has tried to kill us,’ and that had stung badly knowing that their efforts were so unappreciated, ‘and we’ve lost people.’ Too many people. Daniel found himself blinking back tears unexpectedly and he looked over at the picture of Sha’re on the side table.
‘It’s a war, Daniel.’ Jack responded, taking another of Daniel’s pieces as he countered Daniel’s clumsy offence.
Daniel bristled. He got what Jack was saying. Wars were brutal and violent by their nature; they ebbed and flowed. Battles were won and lost; people were saved and sacrificed. For every victory won, there was a defeat. They had allied with the rebel Jaffa but lost the Tollan; saved Earth from Anubis but seen the Tok’ra scattered through the galaxy as Anubis attacked their bases. Intellectually he could understand it, but he was uncertain that he would ever be able to accept it.
‘It didn’t feel like a war in the beginning.’ Daniel muttered.
‘No.’ Jack agreed. ‘It didn’t.’ He looked up and caught Daniel’s eyes. ‘It’s been a tough year.’
Daniel moved another piece almost without thinking and jerked his gaze away from Jack. He stared sightlessly at the board in front of him. ‘I just want to make a difference.’ He said out loud, giving voice to the desperate need that had been nagging at him for so long. The silence stretched and rubbed against Daniel’s raw emotions like sandpaper on wood.
‘Is that what today was about?’ Jack asked quietly as he moved his knight.
‘Maybe.’ Daniel admitted as he shifted another chess piece to safety. He rubbed his forehead with his good hand. ‘I was so sure that I could talk her down.’
‘And if you had you would have saved the base and potentially provided the Asgard with the solution to the Replicators.’ Jack completed, advancing forward on the chess board. He tugged at the label on the bottle.
‘If I’d had another minute…’ Daniel said defensively. He sacrificed his Queen.
Jack grimaced. ‘But I didn’t give you it.’ There was a gleam of understanding in his dark eyes as if for the first time he truly got why Daniel had been so upset with him beyond the obvious difference in their approaches.
‘I know you felt you couldn’t take the risk.’ Daniel replied with a sigh. He watched as Jack won the game.
More silence.
Daniel figured Jack was trying to work out what to say to him. He motioned with his beer. ‘It’s OK, Jack. You don’t need to give me a pep talk.’
‘I don’t.’ Jack lifted the bottle to his lips again and tilted it, draining it. ‘Well, that’s a relief.’
There was a caustic edge to Jack’s voice that had Daniel wincing.
‘Look,’ Jack set the bottle down, ‘dealing with the reality of a war is hard on everyone,’ he pulled a face and Daniel caught a glimpse of just how exhausted his friend was before the military façade and bravado slammed back into place. ‘It’s not like you’re even trained for it.’
It was true, Daniel realised. Jack and Sam were both Air Force; they had trained for war, and Teal’c’s cultural ethos was all centred on war. Maybe that explained why they seemed to cope so much better than him, Daniel considered tiredly. His profession was archaeology. He had been an academic before Abydos and the Stargate programme. He hadn’t ever wanted or thought that he would ever be a foot soldier in a war with an alien race.
‘You need to let me know if this getting too much for you to handle.’ Jack said bluntly.
The statement rocked Daniel, panicked him. ‘I can handle it.’ He shot back.
‘Are you sure?’ Jack pressed. His dark gaze bore into Daniel’s.
He hadn’t been handling it, Daniel conceded with some chagrin. ‘I can handle it.’ He repeated firmly.
Jack looked at him for a long moment that had Daniel feeling like he was a bug under a microscope. ‘OK.’
‘OK?’ Daniel blinked at Jack in surprise.
‘OK.’ Jack said again. He pointed at Daniel. ‘But I’m trusting you to tell me if you can’t.’ He grimaced. ‘I need to know you can do this.’
Daniel nodded slowly. It was fair. As a team, their lives depended on being able to count on one another out in the field. Jack had to trust that Daniel could deal with the reality; that it wouldn’t tear him up inside, that he wouldn’t let it.
Jack got to his feet. He picked up his jacket from the back of the sofa and shrugged into it. ‘You going to be OK?’
It wasn’t meant to be a loaded question but Daniel’s lips twisted anyway. ‘I’ll be fine.’
The older man hesitated as he straightened the leather collar. But he seemed to think twice about staying. ‘I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Give you a ride into the base.’
‘Thanks.’ Daniel walked Jack to the door and closed it firmly behind him. He threw the lock and secured the chain. The apartment seemed suddenly empty and vast. Daniel ignored the loneliness that crept back over him and wandered back through to the sitting area. He picked up his discarded beer, pulled a face and set it down again.
Daniel blinked. He actually felt better, he mused ruefully. He might not have wanted to talk with Jack but it had helped a little. Jack was right; they were at war and war was tough and unyielding. He could handle it, Daniel thought determinedly; he could. He needed to if he was going to make a difference. Maybe he would still get a chance to make up for his failures. He reached for the picture of his wife.
His fingers traced over her dark features; the curly waterfall of hair, the shimmering chocolate of her eyes, the pout of her lips. He had loved her so much. Still did. He hugged the picture to him, closed his eyes and curled up around it. He had lost her and lost his purpose; he needed to make a difference…
‘Why is that important?’
Daniel’s eyes snapped wide open. Sha’re’s son sat across from him on the sofa. He looked no different than the last time he had set eyes on him; a young boy in robes and surrounded by a faint glow. ‘Shifu.’ He shifted to look at him fully. ‘Are you here?’
Shifu smiled enigmatically. ‘You did not answer the question.’
He pushed his glasses up his nose. ‘Don’t you think making a difference is important?’
‘Oma teaches that one pebble cannot truly change the flow of the river.’ Shifu replied.
Daniel jerked awake with a start. His heart was pounding. The apartment was empty. He rubbed his chest and took a deep breath. It was a dream. Probably caused by drinking beer on top of the painkillers. He closed his eyes again. He was so tired. It was only a dream…
o-O-o
Oma perched on the arm of the sofa and placed her hand on Shifu’s shoulder. ‘You should not be here.’
‘I feel responsible for his choice.’ Shifu said, gathering his robes around him. He turned to her with pleading eyes. ‘For the one he has made and the one he will make.’
‘His fate remains in his hands.’ Oma chided him. And she believed deeply that Daniel Jackson’s journey was not over.
fin.