Fanfiction: Never Ending Cycle - Part I
Fandom: Stargate SG1
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S5 Summit & The Last Stand
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Team friendship. Mention of Sam/Martouf/Lantash.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Written for entertainment purposes only.
Never Ending Cycle
Twilight
It felt strange to be in another host; to be without Martouf. The human boy he occupied - and he was a boy to Lantash despite the fact that he fought for the Tau’ri, was failing. Lantash could feel his host’s fear of death, the panic and terror edging into his thoughts as the Jaffa carried the make-shift stretcher closer to the base camp.
Be calm, Lantash comforted him. You die well.
I would rather not die at all, Elliot thought back.
Lantash laughed. He believed he could have liked this host. He felt another wave of grief for Martouf.
You miss him, Elliot noted wearily.
Yes. How could he not miss him? Martouf was a part of him; the other half of his self.
Elliot’s internal emotion was shaded with shame. I never thought of it like that.
It is difficult for those who don’t know our ways, Lantash replied diplomatically. He had felt the full force of Elliot’s distaste for being occupied by a symbiote the moment he had taken possession. He felt a wash of guilt; he had not thought, he had simply acted instinctively and taken the young boy. In the end was he any better than Jolinar, he wondered. Yet Elliot’s distaste had lessened and with every hour they spent bonded, Lantash could feel it giving way to gratitude and, since they had both come to the realisation that they would not physically survive, disappointment. Lantash was disappointed too; he felt a raw edge of independence in Elliot that he had never experienced before.
Images of a carefree childhood; of running across an open field for the sheer fun of it with childhood friends, of laughter at a birthday party with loving parents encouraging him to blow out small burning sticks on a dessert, of watching his sister marry, of his pride in achieving a place in the SGC…Lantash wished he had more time to share them with Elliot; understand each memory and what it meant to the young man.
Elliot knew what it was to live without the shadow of the Goa’uld; to know freedom. It made Lantash heady; giddy. It was no wonder Selmak so enjoyed her union with Jacob, he mused.
The thought of Jacob inevitably brought with it the thought of Samantha Carter. He guarded the thoughts feeling Elliot’s discomfort. Samantha was a senior officer to Elliot; someone he admired but who he had never dared to consider beyond that despite a surface acknowledgement that she was an attractive woman.
Lantash loved her. He feared he had fallen in love with her long before Martouf had been able to see Samantha as more than the former host of their deceased mate, Jolinar. Perhaps he considered, it had happened that first day when Martouf had been too upset to continue talking with Samantha and had left Lantash to explain about their bond with Jolinar. He had always made the distinction between Samantha and the symbiote who she had unwillingly hosted. After their mission to Netu, he and Martouf had spent time reconciling their feelings for both Jolinar and Samantha; they had grieved for one love and realised another. Just as Martouf had first loved Jolinar and Lantash had followed, Lantash had first loved Samantha and Martouf had followed. They had never had the opportunity to tell her - not truly - not before they had been forced to ask her to kill them…to save them.
She knows how you feel, Elliot said softly.
Lantash pulled himself out of his morose thoughts and accepted the comfort. Yes. And I thank you that I had the chance to tell her.
Elliot shrugged inwardly. I’ve never loved anyone the way you love her. You’re sacrificing your life to save hers.
As are you. Lantash pointed out.
I’m doing this so my death means something. There was a tinge of anger, of bitterness to the words. Lantash remembered his conversation with Samantha in the collapsed tunnel; of dying on his first mission. He soothed Elliot mentally. It will mean that they all will survive. They can warn Earth and the Tok’ra of what happened here. Our death will have meaning.
That’s all I want, Elliot said bleakly. A flood of sadness pulled at Lantash; images of his host’s parents; his sister with a rounded belly - a child Elliot would not live to see. Elliot was sad because they would grieve and he would miss them.
I’m so tired, Elliot’s thought was nothing more than a whisper and Lantash knew his host was weakening, the injuries were too great.
Stay with me, Lantash instructed gently; stay with me just a while longer. He took control and opened Elliot’s eyes. The tents of the base camp were around them and his body began to tingle as they approached the Stargate; the recognition of naquadah. They could soon deploy the symbiote poison that Daniel Jackson had given them, complete their mission and save the others.
Lantash accepted his fate. We are almost there.
o-O-o
We are almost there.
The thought echoed in Elliot’s mind. Soon; soon it would be over. He was scared. Deep down scared in a way that made his stomach quiver and his knees weak. He was trying to hide it from Lantash even though a part of him knew it was hopeless to do so; the symbiote felt everything he did, heard his thoughts plainly.
He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to die so far from home, from Earth. He found himself wishing helplessly for his parents; for the comforting arms of his mother and the strength of his father’s belief in him. He wanted them so badly he craved them. A tear leaked from his eye and he felt Lantash close them rather than reveal his weakness to the Jaffa. At least he had the comfort that the Colonel would deliver his last message to them. The SG1 team leader had agreed to send Major Carter on ahead when Elliot had given her Lantash’s instructions on how to change the Tok’ra warning signal. Elliot had stopped the Colonel after they had been marching a while…
‘Colonel.’ Elliot croaked the word.
The stretcher was immediately placed on the ground and the Colonel kneeled beside him.
‘You OK, Elliot?’ O’Neill looked at him warily and Elliot knew it was because of Lantash.
‘I need,’ Elliot wet his lips and began again, ‘I need to give you a message for my parents, sir.’
‘Elliot.’ O’Neill looked away briefly before looking back at Elliot, his brown eyes blazing with fierce intensity. ‘You’re going to make it…’
‘No, sir.’ Elliot interrupted. ‘I’m not.’
‘I’m not having this conversation with you, Lieutenant.’ O’Neill said forcefully. ‘Just…’ he waved at him, ‘focus on living. We’ll get you out of this.’
‘Sir, please.’ Elliot didn’t know how else to argue with his CO.
O’Neill sighed and Elliot took that as permission.
‘Tell my parents…tell them I loved them very much, sir. That I hope I made them proud. And tell my sister that I hope she doesn’t name the baby after me.’ Elliot coughed. ‘That’s it.’
The blunt edge of a water bottle was placed against his lips and he drank greedily. O’Neill removed it when Elliot was done.
‘Promise me, you’ll…’
‘I promise, Lieutenant.’ O’Neill placed his hand on Elliot’s shoulder. ‘But I’m going to be severely pissed if you die, you got that?’
Elliot gave a half-hearted laugh. ‘I don’t think you can order me to live, sir.’
O’Neill’s grave features twisted in denial. He gestured. ‘How’s the whole snake in your head thing going?’
‘Weird, sir.’ Elliot admitted. ‘But it’s not so bad.’
The Colonel looked at him in disbelief but he got to his feet. ‘We have to move out.’
He was worried about the Major, Elliot surmised. The Colonel had been unhappy at breaking the team up even if he had agreed with her position that she could find the transmitter quicker on her own. He figured the Colonel wanted to stay close enough behind her so he and Teal’c could provide her with back-up if she needed it.
‘Yes, sir.’ Elliot agreed. He was done. The Colonel would keep his promise…
The jolt of the stretcher being placed on the ground brought Elliot jarringly back to the present. He felt Lantash open his eyes again; saw the Stargate in front of them. It was a beautiful sight.
He had conceded control to the symbiote a while back. He couldn’t feel his body any longer; his legs were numb, he feared there had been some kind of spinal injury when the lab had been hit. He barely felt the poison vial secreted in his hand. But he knew Lantash could make his body work where he could not so he had let the symbiote have control.
The symbiote.
He liked Lantash. He reminded him of his grandfather; wise, steady and reassuring. There had been a few hours of hope when he had been initially injured just after joining and Elliot could remember thinking that maybe he didn’t mind the joining after all; maybe he wouldn’t mind it continuing beyond the healing. It was weird - there was no getting around how weird it was suddenly having the knowledge of so many other lifetimes crammed into his head. So many memories; of Martouf, of Jolinar - of the life they had shared as mates.
He blushed anew and was just furiously pleased that nothing of that nature had happened with Major Carter. It was strange feeling such an overwhelming sense of love for her; love that Lantash had for her. He knew it comforted Lantash to know he saved her with their final act. Images poured through him; Elliot could remember holding hands with her…staring into her eyes with a staff weapon pointed at his head…of begging her to kill him…but it wasn’t him; it had been Martouf and Lantash.
And there, again, was Lantash’s grief at the loss of his previous host. Maybe it wouldn’t have been bad assuming a life as a Tok’ra host. But it wasn’t to be. Elliot knew he was too badly damaged and Lantash too weak. They had needed hours of careful rest and attention to heal properly as Selmak and Jacob had required; being carried through Tok’ra tunnels and trekked across miles of forest was not ideal.
Resentment surged through him again. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he was going to die. It was his first mission; his first time through the Stargate. He still wanted to live, to protect Earth, to join SG1 one day. And more, vague hopes of finding a love like Lantash had for Major Carter, of a family of his own. But all of that wasn’t to be either; all of his hopes and dreams were gone like morning mist dissipating in the harsh glare of the sun. All he had left was this last stand; this final act so SG1 would make it home and there would be some warning.
His gaze rested on the Stargate. The grey ring of naquadah filled his vision; the blue sky beyond shimmered as though it was a wormhole beckoning to him. His fingers tightened on the vial, and as he pressed down and the chemicals began their mix, Elliot felt his vision blur and fade.
Rest, now, James Thomas Elliot, Lantash said solemnly; our mission is complete.
A sense of peace enfolded Elliot and washed away the fear. It was done. And so was he.
Continued in Part II.
Series: Aftershocks
TAG to Episode: S5 Summit & The Last Stand
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Team friendship. Mention of Sam/Martouf/Lantash.
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Written for entertainment purposes only.
Never Ending Cycle
Twilight
It felt strange to be in another host; to be without Martouf. The human boy he occupied - and he was a boy to Lantash despite the fact that he fought for the Tau’ri, was failing. Lantash could feel his host’s fear of death, the panic and terror edging into his thoughts as the Jaffa carried the make-shift stretcher closer to the base camp.
Be calm, Lantash comforted him. You die well.
I would rather not die at all, Elliot thought back.
Lantash laughed. He believed he could have liked this host. He felt another wave of grief for Martouf.
You miss him, Elliot noted wearily.
Yes. How could he not miss him? Martouf was a part of him; the other half of his self.
Elliot’s internal emotion was shaded with shame. I never thought of it like that.
It is difficult for those who don’t know our ways, Lantash replied diplomatically. He had felt the full force of Elliot’s distaste for being occupied by a symbiote the moment he had taken possession. He felt a wash of guilt; he had not thought, he had simply acted instinctively and taken the young boy. In the end was he any better than Jolinar, he wondered. Yet Elliot’s distaste had lessened and with every hour they spent bonded, Lantash could feel it giving way to gratitude and, since they had both come to the realisation that they would not physically survive, disappointment. Lantash was disappointed too; he felt a raw edge of independence in Elliot that he had never experienced before.
Images of a carefree childhood; of running across an open field for the sheer fun of it with childhood friends, of laughter at a birthday party with loving parents encouraging him to blow out small burning sticks on a dessert, of watching his sister marry, of his pride in achieving a place in the SGC…Lantash wished he had more time to share them with Elliot; understand each memory and what it meant to the young man.
Elliot knew what it was to live without the shadow of the Goa’uld; to know freedom. It made Lantash heady; giddy. It was no wonder Selmak so enjoyed her union with Jacob, he mused.
The thought of Jacob inevitably brought with it the thought of Samantha Carter. He guarded the thoughts feeling Elliot’s discomfort. Samantha was a senior officer to Elliot; someone he admired but who he had never dared to consider beyond that despite a surface acknowledgement that she was an attractive woman.
Lantash loved her. He feared he had fallen in love with her long before Martouf had been able to see Samantha as more than the former host of their deceased mate, Jolinar. Perhaps he considered, it had happened that first day when Martouf had been too upset to continue talking with Samantha and had left Lantash to explain about their bond with Jolinar. He had always made the distinction between Samantha and the symbiote who she had unwillingly hosted. After their mission to Netu, he and Martouf had spent time reconciling their feelings for both Jolinar and Samantha; they had grieved for one love and realised another. Just as Martouf had first loved Jolinar and Lantash had followed, Lantash had first loved Samantha and Martouf had followed. They had never had the opportunity to tell her - not truly - not before they had been forced to ask her to kill them…to save them.
She knows how you feel, Elliot said softly.
Lantash pulled himself out of his morose thoughts and accepted the comfort. Yes. And I thank you that I had the chance to tell her.
Elliot shrugged inwardly. I’ve never loved anyone the way you love her. You’re sacrificing your life to save hers.
As are you. Lantash pointed out.
I’m doing this so my death means something. There was a tinge of anger, of bitterness to the words. Lantash remembered his conversation with Samantha in the collapsed tunnel; of dying on his first mission. He soothed Elliot mentally. It will mean that they all will survive. They can warn Earth and the Tok’ra of what happened here. Our death will have meaning.
That’s all I want, Elliot said bleakly. A flood of sadness pulled at Lantash; images of his host’s parents; his sister with a rounded belly - a child Elliot would not live to see. Elliot was sad because they would grieve and he would miss them.
I’m so tired, Elliot’s thought was nothing more than a whisper and Lantash knew his host was weakening, the injuries were too great.
Stay with me, Lantash instructed gently; stay with me just a while longer. He took control and opened Elliot’s eyes. The tents of the base camp were around them and his body began to tingle as they approached the Stargate; the recognition of naquadah. They could soon deploy the symbiote poison that Daniel Jackson had given them, complete their mission and save the others.
Lantash accepted his fate. We are almost there.
o-O-o
We are almost there.
The thought echoed in Elliot’s mind. Soon; soon it would be over. He was scared. Deep down scared in a way that made his stomach quiver and his knees weak. He was trying to hide it from Lantash even though a part of him knew it was hopeless to do so; the symbiote felt everything he did, heard his thoughts plainly.
He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to die so far from home, from Earth. He found himself wishing helplessly for his parents; for the comforting arms of his mother and the strength of his father’s belief in him. He wanted them so badly he craved them. A tear leaked from his eye and he felt Lantash close them rather than reveal his weakness to the Jaffa. At least he had the comfort that the Colonel would deliver his last message to them. The SG1 team leader had agreed to send Major Carter on ahead when Elliot had given her Lantash’s instructions on how to change the Tok’ra warning signal. Elliot had stopped the Colonel after they had been marching a while…
‘Colonel.’ Elliot croaked the word.
The stretcher was immediately placed on the ground and the Colonel kneeled beside him.
‘You OK, Elliot?’ O’Neill looked at him warily and Elliot knew it was because of Lantash.
‘I need,’ Elliot wet his lips and began again, ‘I need to give you a message for my parents, sir.’
‘Elliot.’ O’Neill looked away briefly before looking back at Elliot, his brown eyes blazing with fierce intensity. ‘You’re going to make it…’
‘No, sir.’ Elliot interrupted. ‘I’m not.’
‘I’m not having this conversation with you, Lieutenant.’ O’Neill said forcefully. ‘Just…’ he waved at him, ‘focus on living. We’ll get you out of this.’
‘Sir, please.’ Elliot didn’t know how else to argue with his CO.
O’Neill sighed and Elliot took that as permission.
‘Tell my parents…tell them I loved them very much, sir. That I hope I made them proud. And tell my sister that I hope she doesn’t name the baby after me.’ Elliot coughed. ‘That’s it.’
The blunt edge of a water bottle was placed against his lips and he drank greedily. O’Neill removed it when Elliot was done.
‘Promise me, you’ll…’
‘I promise, Lieutenant.’ O’Neill placed his hand on Elliot’s shoulder. ‘But I’m going to be severely pissed if you die, you got that?’
Elliot gave a half-hearted laugh. ‘I don’t think you can order me to live, sir.’
O’Neill’s grave features twisted in denial. He gestured. ‘How’s the whole snake in your head thing going?’
‘Weird, sir.’ Elliot admitted. ‘But it’s not so bad.’
The Colonel looked at him in disbelief but he got to his feet. ‘We have to move out.’
He was worried about the Major, Elliot surmised. The Colonel had been unhappy at breaking the team up even if he had agreed with her position that she could find the transmitter quicker on her own. He figured the Colonel wanted to stay close enough behind her so he and Teal’c could provide her with back-up if she needed it.
‘Yes, sir.’ Elliot agreed. He was done. The Colonel would keep his promise…
The jolt of the stretcher being placed on the ground brought Elliot jarringly back to the present. He felt Lantash open his eyes again; saw the Stargate in front of them. It was a beautiful sight.
He had conceded control to the symbiote a while back. He couldn’t feel his body any longer; his legs were numb, he feared there had been some kind of spinal injury when the lab had been hit. He barely felt the poison vial secreted in his hand. But he knew Lantash could make his body work where he could not so he had let the symbiote have control.
The symbiote.
He liked Lantash. He reminded him of his grandfather; wise, steady and reassuring. There had been a few hours of hope when he had been initially injured just after joining and Elliot could remember thinking that maybe he didn’t mind the joining after all; maybe he wouldn’t mind it continuing beyond the healing. It was weird - there was no getting around how weird it was suddenly having the knowledge of so many other lifetimes crammed into his head. So many memories; of Martouf, of Jolinar - of the life they had shared as mates.
He blushed anew and was just furiously pleased that nothing of that nature had happened with Major Carter. It was strange feeling such an overwhelming sense of love for her; love that Lantash had for her. He knew it comforted Lantash to know he saved her with their final act. Images poured through him; Elliot could remember holding hands with her…staring into her eyes with a staff weapon pointed at his head…of begging her to kill him…but it wasn’t him; it had been Martouf and Lantash.
And there, again, was Lantash’s grief at the loss of his previous host. Maybe it wouldn’t have been bad assuming a life as a Tok’ra host. But it wasn’t to be. Elliot knew he was too badly damaged and Lantash too weak. They had needed hours of careful rest and attention to heal properly as Selmak and Jacob had required; being carried through Tok’ra tunnels and trekked across miles of forest was not ideal.
Resentment surged through him again. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he was going to die. It was his first mission; his first time through the Stargate. He still wanted to live, to protect Earth, to join SG1 one day. And more, vague hopes of finding a love like Lantash had for Major Carter, of a family of his own. But all of that wasn’t to be either; all of his hopes and dreams were gone like morning mist dissipating in the harsh glare of the sun. All he had left was this last stand; this final act so SG1 would make it home and there would be some warning.
His gaze rested on the Stargate. The grey ring of naquadah filled his vision; the blue sky beyond shimmered as though it was a wormhole beckoning to him. His fingers tightened on the vial, and as he pressed down and the chemicals began their mix, Elliot felt his vision blur and fade.
Rest, now, James Thomas Elliot, Lantash said solemnly; our mission is complete.
A sense of peace enfolded Elliot and washed away the fear. It was done. And so was he.
Continued in Part II.