Raining On Prom Night
Title: Raining On Prom Night
Author: Race122VE (Coll)
Pairing: Santana/Brittany
Rating: R
Summary: This isn't how she imagined it. Prom!Brittana angst
Word Count: 3,430
Spoilers: Upcoming song spoiler, but other than that this is just my take.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Notes: I had a lot of Brittana prom feelings and I love angst so that's what's happening here. Also thanks to gogogorilla for the beta.
This isn't how she imagined it.
Really she's supposed to be standing next to Quinn Fabray, clutching her best friend's hand in her own as Principal Figgins pauses on stage and looks down to open the tiny envelope that would no doubt have the blonde's name scribbled inside.
Instead, it's Santana's.
Quinn's shocked at first, but then her face breaks out into a huge grin and she pulls Santana into a tight hug before pushing her up towards the stage. She's crying, because she always cries, but the difference with these tears is that they're genuine.
She's facing her entire class and everyone's smiling and happy for her as she accepts the bouquet of flowers and the prom queen crown.
Prom king didn't matter when she concocted this fantasy; it always ended up being some faceless jock. The only thing that really mattered was that, for once, Santana was noticed.
It all started with a 10 year old Quinn talking constantly to Santana about what it's going to be like when she's prom queen like her mother. She showed Santana all the crowns of various pageants her mom went on to win later, spouting off stats and stories that her mom had told her instead of typical children's tales before bed, and Santana liked the sparkle that appeared in Quinn's hazel eyes.
Then, one day, she stopped and looked back at Santana seriously.
"You want to win too, huh?"
Santana did.
She didn't even realize it until Quinn asked and even though she was nodding her head she didn't want Quinn to feel like she was betraying their friendship.
But Quinn smiled at her before saying, "We'll make a promise to be happy for the other, no matter who wins. Deal?"
"Deal," she agreed, returning Quinn's smile.
That vision shifted over the next few years.
Brittany Susan Pierce entered their lives the following year and the three of them became inseparable. The new blonde had no interest in being prom queen but in Santana's imagination she was holding on to her other hand and secretly cheering her on over Quinn.
When they got into high school Santana realized quickly, painfully, that Quinn was full of shit.
Actually she learned that pretty much everyone was full of shit and that if you didn't fall in line, if you didn't fit into the box that the majority of the popular kids had set up without even realizing it, you were nothing. Santana Lopez with her temper, her ability to easily end up in a fist fight, and her growing up on the wrong side of the tracks (for only a couple years, but it still totally counts) took on the role of the bitchy, loyal minion to Queen Fabray.
Her friend started to change, fit into her role just as easily as Santana did. She turned into daddy's little girl forever in search of her prom king and being on top and, a lot of the time, that left Santana with Brittany.
Not that she minded.
Brittany shouldn't have fit so well with Santana, they were so different, but she did. It was hard to describe how or why and it became even harder to put into words after Brittany kissed her.
Well, she kissed Brittany. She doesn't really remember how it happened because they were both pretty drunk and Brittany got caught in her shirt as she was trying to take it off before sliding into bed and Santana had to help her.
Their faces were so close, breath mingling together, so it just happened.
She stressed about it for the next three, Brittany-less days until they finally decided to watch a movie and the blonde brought it up. It was so casual and common, like she was talking about a school project. Santana remained speechless and let Brittany babble and mostly paid attention until she heard the words "I liked it."
The words "I liked it too" were on the tip of her tongue (it's pretty much the reason why the past few days had been so stressful), but she stops herself from saying them and leans forward when Brittany does.
It doesn't get complicated until it does, but it's a boring story: Brittany wanted more than Santana was willing to give and their relationship changed until, finally, Santana put it all on the line and confronted her feelings only to realize she was too late.
Following her crash and burn, thoughts of prom hadn't even come up until Quinn started campaigning and posters started getting put up in the halls. Sam had dropped a few hints about it, which was ultimately what made her decide to finally break up with him. He'd had enough too. Enough with the mouth jokes and the fact that another girl had been stringing him along, using him for popularity and, even though he didn't know it, settling for him because she couldn't be with who she really wanted.
Going into it they both tried to deny that there weren't ulterior motives (that they might have actually wanted to be together), but when she finally said the words 'It's over' and gave him a sad smile he just nodded.
And that was that.
The plan from then on had simply been go to school, avoid Brittany like the plague, and sit quietly in Glee Club and try to enjoy it. Prom was something she had every intention of skipping because she'd have to be a masochist to surround herself with a bunch of love struck teenagers dancing the night away with their sweethearts.
But, since life hates her and karma's a bitch or something, Mr. Schue decides they'll perform. Well, they'll perform with the Warblers or take turns or something; she kind of stopped paying attention. It all coincides with Kurt's return and the Glee Club uniting in solidarity and some other stuff that she blocked out. That's how she ended up by the punch bowl after the performance, smoothing down her sleek, black dress and happy to find that the liquid burns on the way down her throat, meaning that Puck snuck a bottle of vodka in.
No, this isn't how she imagined it all.
She's here by herself which is a big no no. Never show up stag to any kind of school dance function or to any important party, it's one of her personal, popularity rules. Some have argued that showing up with a date limits you to just hanging out with whoever you brought, but Santana never had a problem ditching dates if she found someone better to leave with.
Usually Brittany.
The thought causes her eyes to shift to the one couple she's been avoiding all night. They're at the Glee Club table and Brittany's leaning close to Artie, smiling at whatever sweet nothing he's whispering into her ear.
Santana finishes her punch in one, big gulp before refilling her glass.
She thinks, bitterly, that she should have brought someone, but now that she has feelings (or is more in touch with them, anyway) she hates the idea of leading someone on.
Not that she actually has anyone to lead on.
The second cup of spiked punch disappears and she chucks it in the garbage as she starts walking towards the back of the gym.
It's perfect timing too because Figgins is walking on the stage, stopping the Warblers from starting another song so he can announce prom queen. Quinn's going to win and Santana feels a slight nagging feeling like she should stick around and support someone who used to be a really good friend, but she's suffocating in this gym and she doesn't have to be here anymore and she just doesn't want to.
On her way out she keeps her head low, so she should be less surprised when she collides with Rachel Berry. The shorter girl has her head bowed down as well and she manages an apology around a broken sob as she moves past Santana and heads towards the bathroom. Santana's not sure why, but she looks in the direction where Rachel came from and finds Finn watching Rachel as Quinn grabs his arm and tries to get his attention.
At least she's not the only one in some kind of fucked up love triangle. It's weirdly comforting but then she just remembers how alone she really is and her eyes start to well up.
She makes it outside, roughly wiping at her eyes and thankfully missing the winner of the crown but she can hear the response and prom is always a cliché and in a town like Lima cliché's are just that for a reason. She can see Quinn getting on stage, accepting the prize, and heading into Finn's waiting arms for a dance.
Speaking of cliché's, Santana's pretty annoyed to find that there's a heavy down pour separating her from her car. She grabs her keys from her clutch and curses herself for not checking the weather and parking so far away. Actually she curses the universe in general for being so shitty to her so she just stands there and wonders why she cares so much about getting soaked because she plans on going home, showering, changing into her PJs, and getting her Real Housewives of whatever season is marathoning on Bravo on.
The door opens behind her and, even through the heavy beat of rain drops, she can hear the cheers still coming from the gym. Her eyes squeeze shut but the sounds put her body in motion and she's ready to get as far away from this place as possible, but a hand catches her wrist and she stops.
Santana doesn't turn to see who it is, she doesn't have to. It's Brittany. Her body never got the memo to react differently when Brittany's around now; it's one of the reasons why she keeps her distance. Brittany's a very hands-on kind of person and it's easier for Santana to bury her feelings under all the crap inside her head, but when Brittany touches her there's absolutely nothing else she can think of.
Still, she faces forward; her senses too flooded with Brittany that she can't do anything but stand there and feel. Her whole body gets hot even though the wind brings a light crisp to the night air and she can smell the worn off perfume mixed with the blonde's natural, peachy smell. Brittany's hand stays clasped around her wrist as she walks around Santana to face her.
"Leaving early?"
It's funny, normally she hates questions like that, the ones that have obvious answers, but Brittany always ends up asking them and she can't help but chuckle to herself as she opens her eyes and nods in response. "We performed," she explains. "No reason to stick around anymore."
"You missed prom queen."
"Yeah, well…I didn't really feel like stomaching Quinn's perfect moment so-"
"Kurt won," Brittany cuts her off. "Well…I mean, he's not the queen he's the king but…everyone voted for him." Santana couldn't stop the eye roll even if she wanted to.
Of-fucking-course Kurt Hummel gets to have the perfect high school prom experience every baby queen wishes for. Not that he hasn't been through his fair share of shit, Santana knows he has and felt his absence when he was chased off by Karofsky. She's more pissed about it than anything, so much so that she can't even feel a tiny bit of satisfaction at Quinn's loss.
The real crappy thing about getting in touch with how she really felt? Knowing that she could walk around safe, that if anyone made a comment about her they'd be dealt with, that she could act like a normal couple and not just some ploy to get something from horny, teenage boys. Santana was ready to give that to Brittany, wanted to so badly, but she was too late.
So she's angry at Kurt and his moment with his boyfriend and now, even though she didn't think it was possible, she wants to leave more than ever.
But Brittany's just standing in front of Santana in her long, silver dress with her blonde hair spilling over her shoulders in soft waves and her crystal blue eyes are searching for something in Santana's. She doesn't know what to give to Brittany, what she's supposed to do now so she looks to the ground and shrugs. "Good for Kurt."
"I'm sorry you didn't win," Brittany's quick to say.
Santana's gaze snaps back up to Brittany's, harsher than she means but it's instinct. "I didn't want to win," she's just as quick to say back. "I haven't wanted that for a long time."
"But you did want it."
"I've wanted a lot of things," Santana tells her with a knowing look. "I learned not to expect to actually get any of them."
There's a response on Brittany's tongue, but Santana's not interested in hearing it. She's tugging her arm out of Brittany's reach and is ready to walk really fast to her car (there's no way she's running in her heels because tripping and falling on her face will not be something she adds to her most embarrassing moments list) when music coming from the gym stops both of them.
It's a familiar song they both know sung by a familiar person and Santana can just see Blaine up there singing to Kurt and she tries to blink the tears away as the lyrics to Somewhere Only We Know invade her head.
Change of plans: she's going to go home, shower, change into her PJs, and dig out movies that she watches when she needs a good cry but would never admit to owning (Moulin Rouge, Titanic, or The Notebook).
She takes a step around Brittany, but the blonde's faster and stays in front of Santana. "Britt…"
"You should dance with me," she says, rushing on before Santana can get her protest out. "It's prom, Santana and you didn't even dance and now you're leaving."
"I danced when we performed," she points out as she tries to move past Brittany and failing again.
"That doesn't count," Brittany argues, reaching out for Santana. "Come on."
Normally the way Brittany's whining and pouting would wear Santana down fast and easy, but she has to be strong if she wants to keep any shred of sanity. Stepping away and shaking her head, she says, "I can't."
"San-"
"I can't, Brittany," Santana doesn't recognize her voice, so hurt and angry and desperate for Brittany to understand even if she ends up hurting her. Even after all the pain she's been through, she still hates the idea of hurting Brittany. "I can't even be in a giant room full of a hundred people for more than an hour, what makes you think I can dance with you?"
"Because you promised," Brittany says, sounding like she's not affected by Santana's words but her eyes let Santana know that she is. "You always said we would dance the whole night and I asked about slow songs and you said even the slow songs and now you're leaving and this one's almost over and I just want to dance with you."
"Britt…"
She tries arguing again, but whatever Santana had to say dies on her lips when Brittany's hands slide around her waist and she pulls their bodies together. Their noses bump against one another and their chests are pressed tightly together as Santana's arms just hang in the air. She tries willing them to push Brittany away but they slowly drop on to her shoulders.
Brittany's head falls forward so that her forehead is resting against Santana's as she lets her right hand travel up her side up towards Santana's hand. Her eyes close as Brittany's fingers close around her hand and she holds it close to her chest, hugging Santana closer. Santana's free hand travels down Brittany's arm, her eyes closing at the feeling of smooth, soft skin under her palm, and finally rests at the small of Brittany's back as the blonde starts to sway back and forth to the song. Her body gives in, letting Brittany lead the dance even though her brain is screaming, telling her to run away.
Santana easily blocks out the voice when Brittany starts humming along to the song. She gets lost in the moment and she knows she's going to hate herself later and add hysterically sobbing into her pillow until she passes out to her list of after prom activities, but it's Brittany and she's not used to saying no to her.
Even with the rejection still fresh and raw like an open wound, she manages to step closer to Brittany as they spin in a slow circle. She had forgotten (or forcefully tried to not think about) what it was like being this close to Brittany. It's like nothing else exists except for them and Santana wishes it were true.
She decides to give herself this, this one moment with her best friend, but three words from Brittany shake her out of the trance she's fallen under.
"I miss you."
Her eyes snap open and it takes a while for Brittany's face to come into focus but her bright, blue eyes are staring back.
It's what she wanted to hear, what she had been bitterly wishing upon the other girl since her confession at their lockers, that Brittany would be hurting just as bad, if not worse, as Santana. For every ounce of pain she felt, she wanted Brittany to feel it five times over.
But it doesn't change anything. Brittany's not saying she loves Santana; she's not saying that she's breaking up with Artie, or that this dance means anything. All she's saying is that she misses her friend and Santana steps out of Brittany's reach. She doesn't try to fight it, doesn't reach for Santana, she just stares back with wide eyes and bites down on her bottom lip anxiously.
The next question out of her mouth is stupid and dangerous, but she vocalizes it before she can think not to. "Do you love him more than me?"
Brittany swallows audibly and her hands busy themselves with the fabric of her own dress as her mouth moves silently around her thoughts. She's never really been good with words and being clear about what she's thinking, so she takes a step forward and goes to grab for Santana again. It means she doesn't know the answer to that question, really, truly doesn't, or she's sure that she loves Artie more and wants to try to comfort her with a hug or some kind of touch.
Whatever she has planned, Santana doesn't want any of it. She steps back and feels the rain start to sprinkle on her back and it's like being hit with a bucket of cold water. It shakes her out of her trance and she ends up speaking the same time as Brittany.
"I have to go."
"I don't know."
Neither move, even though Santana's instinct when Brittany doesn't know something is to do everything she can to try to make her understand. She's not sure how she's supposed to help her understand this though.
"Do you think you can love two people? At the same time?"
Santana's heart twists uncomfortably at Brittany's tone, at how painfully unsure she is. "I don't know," she answers honestly, her voice cracking a little bit. "I've only loved one person before."
Brittany nods and looks down, kicking at the ground with her shoe. Once again she's fighting with herself, her brain reminding her that her back is now soaked and she should leave, while her heart wants to convince Brittany that even though she may love two people the person she should be with is the person she ran after.
Not knowing what else to say, Santana sides with her brain then nods once and says, "Bye Brittany."
Santana's half turned away, more of her body now directly in the rain when Brittany replies, quietly, "I'm sorry, Santana."
"I know, Britt," she sighs, pausing a moment to lock eyes with Brittany one last time before turning to finally walk away. "I know."
Brittany's eyes are still on her as she turns and walks away. She can feel the gaze burn into her back as she walks as far away as quickly as she can manage. Her skin is on fire even though the rain beats down on her, cold and unforgiving.
But she welcomes it as she walks away from Brittany, again.