Comments | raccaldin36: Marrying into a Family

raccaldin36

Marrying into a Family

Dec 14, 2009 22:03

I thought I'd throw a concept out there that I've lately taken a liking to. It comes out of Heinlein's Time Enough For Love:"Let me spell it out. What you are joining is a family. What you are committed to is the welfare of the children. All of them, not just any that you may sire ( Read more... )

love, philosophy, marriage, friendship

Comments 7

jerawolfe December 20 2009, 04:38:51 UTC

I was on this topic years ago, literally. Almost a decade and a half now. But it's good to see you catching up.

raccaldin36 December 20 2009, 05:49:12 UTC

Where have you gone with it since? You're actually in a family, at its head, so you have a lot more practical experience in the area. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

jerawolfe December 20 2009, 09:16:56 UTC

Actually, I was part of a family just like this. I was in, well, I guess you could call it a cult, most would. But it wasn't. It was fans of Heinlein who had decided that it was worth a shot to try. It failed ( ... )

jerawolfe December 20 2009, 09:17:08 UTC

As to being the head of my family, it's somewhat irrelevant. I've ALWAYS seen my friends and their lovers and children as my own family. And the bond deepens when they reciprocate. The level of sharing is no where near the level of sharing in Heinlein's books, but that's not to say their couldn't be, and all of us being the more richer for it. But before that can be done on a larger scale, and is more widely accepted, humans have to further distance themselves from their territorial aspects ( ... )

raccaldin36 December 20 2009, 19:25:49 UTC

My concept of compassion is one of leveraging territorialism. It's the idea of wrapping your own identity around other people, other things, etc, and from that having a selfish desire to aid them because they are you ( ... )

jerawolfe December 21 2009, 08:45:04 UTC

Absolutely.

Me and my wife's vows were carefully created. They were neither exclusive, nor did they promise remaining till death do us part. On the other hand, they didn't restrict our relations to a single lifetime.

We discussed long ago, that we just weren't jealous in that way. We love each other, deeply and honestly. We seek the other's happiness in all things. There is a very real bond there, and its one built upon love and respect and sharing, not keeping and holding and having.

We are not swingers, mind you, but I think this is part of the reason, that every day of my marriage, now going into half a decade, has been better than the previous. I never knew you could love and share life with someone so deeply and completely. But I do now.

And Family Wolfe may have shown it will take more to make it work. But on the positive side of that coin, there are people willing to try it. I shall link this post to others, to see what they think, and to share your views, and to inform.

raccaldin36 December 23 2009, 08:05:47 UTC

Those marriage vows sound pretty cool. I'm curious about your wife now, and what kind of person she is to accept that. I don't know any other people who have written marriage vows.

I do like the fact that others are willing to try this model; knowing that is quite hopeful indeed.