Loveless crack!
Okay, so I've decided that there's simply not enough crack in this fandom, so I'm here to remedy that.
Title: The only side I'm on is my own
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Loveless with a side order of Saiyuki
Summary: Seimei finally gets put in his place.
Warning: CRACK!! And profanity. Lots of profanity. Everyone’s OC, cuz… it’s crack! Spoilers if you don’t know who that rat bastard Nisei is. ^_^
Notes: My apologies to both Kouga Yun and Minekura Kazuya.
Scene: Soubi and Seimei, back in the day. Seimei is up to his usual tricks.
Seimei: I said on your knees, bitch!
[Soubi looks up from his spot on the ground]
Soubi: Yeah, you know what? About that. I’m kinda… over it.
Seimei: What did you just say to me??
[raises his hand as if to strike him]
Soubi: I said I’m kinda sick of your shit. So I’m quitting. Been nice working with you.
[Soubi goes to get up. Seimei moves to hit him. Soubi pulls a gun out of his extremely tight pants and points it at Seimei.]
Seimei: *sputtering* WHAT?? Have you gone MAD?? Where the hell did you get that?? And how the hell did you fit it in those pants??
Soubi: It’s a special bishie ability. And I got it from Sanzo.
Seimei: WHO??
Soubi: Genjo Sanzo? You know, the monk with the bad attitude? Aren’t you on the bishie-to-bishie blog? Hello, he rants on there like every other day. Youkai this, Goku that, Gojyo isn’t sensitive enough to his needs…
Seimei: What the fuck…??
Soubi: Yeah, the Saiyuki boys had this shindig last weekend where they were spreading their message to the masses. You know, “From the day I was born, till the day I die, the only side I’m on is my own.” So, I decided to take a leaf out of their book. No hard feelings, eh? Besides, I’ve got a new Sacrifice now.
Seimei: WHAT?? WHO??
Soubi: Ritsuka.
Seimei: MY LITTLE BROTHER???
Soubi: Yep. But hey, word on the street says you got yourself a new Fighter anyhow.
Seimei: WHAT?? *looks around guiltily* Who would that be?
[Enter Nisei]
Nisei: ME!!
Seimei: [aside] Goddamnit Nisei, what about “keeping this on the down-low” didn’t you understand??
Nisei: FUCK THAT! I’m sick of being Second Banana. I’m clearly a WAY better partner for you than this whiny bitch. I’m hopelessly, heinously, spectacularly fucked up! And evil! We’re brothers in crazy-bastardhood! Plus my hair is prettier!
Soubi: Is not.
Nisei: Is TOO!
Soubi: Is NOT!
Nisei: IS TOO!! YOU WANNA FIGHT???
[Soubi shoots Nisei in the head.]
Seimei: What the FUCK was that???
Soubi: Shut up or I’ll put a cap in your ass, too. Didn’t I tell you I was fucking sick of you?
Seimei: *sputters incoherently*
[Enter Ritsuka]
Ritsuka: Hey Soubi, hey Seimei. Who’s the poor dead bastard?
Soubi: Akame Nisei. He insulted my hair.
Ritsuka: Ah. Fuck that. ‘Sup, bro?
Seimei: EXCUSE ME??
Ritsuka: Dude, are you still pissed off cuz I pwned your ass at Guitar Hero II? Wont you get over it? I totally rocked Shout At the Devil. Yayoi and I played it for 96 hours straight the day it came out. You’re never gonna beat me.
Seimei: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH VIDEO GAMES!! YOU JUST STOLE MY FIGHTER!! AND HE JUST SHOT MY NEW FIGHTER IN THE HEAD!!
Ritsuka: Yeah, well, that’s the breaks. Maybe if you two weren’t such assholes all the time…
Seimei: WHAT?? YOU LITTLE…!
[Seimei lunges for Ritsuka, but Ritsuka comes flying at him first.]
Ritsuka: Maewashi Geri!! (roundhouse kick) Tettsui Uchi!! (hammer fist strike) Morote Kubi Hishigi!! (double-handed neck crush)
[Seimei is now struggling in Ritsuka’s headlock.]
Soubi: Oh yeah, forgot to mention, Ritsuka’s been taking Jiu Jitsu.
Seimei: !!!
Soubi: [to Ritsuka] Right. You wanna go get hammered?
Ritsuka: Yeah, okay.
[Ritsuka drops Seimei on his ass.]
Seimei: HEY!! He’s not even old enough to drink!! HOLD ON!! WAIT A MINUTE! THIS WASN’T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO…!!
Soubi: [walking away] Yeah, well, go write yourself a crappy OVA. [turns back] On second thought…
[Aims his gun at Seimei. Ritsuka stays his hand.]
Ritsuka: Forget it. You know that bastard’ll just fuck it up for himself.
Soubi: Yeah, you’re probably right. Sake?
***
Title: The only side I'm on is my own
Author: priestess_grrrl
Series: Loveless with a side order of Saiyuki
Summary: Seimei finally gets put in his place.
Warning: CRACK!! And profanity. Lots of profanity. Everyone’s OC, cuz… it’s crack! Spoilers if you don’t know who that rat bastard Nisei is. ^_^
Notes: My apologies to both Kouga Yun and Minekura Kazuya.
Scene: Soubi and Seimei, back in the day. Seimei is up to his usual tricks.
Seimei: I said on your knees, bitch!
[Soubi looks up from his spot on the ground]
Soubi: Yeah, you know what? About that. I’m kinda… over it.
Seimei: What did you just say to me??
[raises his hand as if to strike him]
Soubi: I said I’m kinda sick of your shit. So I’m quitting. Been nice working with you.
[Soubi goes to get up. Seimei moves to hit him. Soubi pulls a gun out of his extremely tight pants and points it at Seimei.]
Seimei: *sputtering* WHAT?? Have you gone MAD?? Where the hell did you get that?? And how the hell did you fit it in those pants??
Soubi: It’s a special bishie ability. And I got it from Sanzo.
Seimei: WHO??
Soubi: Genjo Sanzo? You know, the monk with the bad attitude? Aren’t you on the bishie-to-bishie blog? Hello, he rants on there like every other day. Youkai this, Goku that, Gojyo isn’t sensitive enough to his needs…
Seimei: What the fuck…??
Soubi: Yeah, the Saiyuki boys had this shindig last weekend where they were spreading their message to the masses. You know, “From the day I was born, till the day I die, the only side I’m on is my own.” So, I decided to take a leaf out of their book. No hard feelings, eh? Besides, I’ve got a new Sacrifice now.
Seimei: WHAT?? WHO??
Soubi: Ritsuka.
Seimei: MY LITTLE BROTHER???
Soubi: Yep. But hey, word on the street says you got yourself a new Fighter anyhow.
Seimei: WHAT?? *looks around guiltily* Who would that be?
[Enter Nisei]
Nisei: ME!!
Seimei: [aside] Goddamnit Nisei, what about “keeping this on the down-low” didn’t you understand??
Nisei: FUCK THAT! I’m sick of being Second Banana. I’m clearly a WAY better partner for you than this whiny bitch. I’m hopelessly, heinously, spectacularly fucked up! And evil! We’re brothers in crazy-bastardhood! Plus my hair is prettier!
Soubi: Is not.
Nisei: Is TOO!
Soubi: Is NOT!
Nisei: IS TOO!! YOU WANNA FIGHT???
[Soubi shoots Nisei in the head.]
Seimei: What the FUCK was that???
Soubi: Shut up or I’ll put a cap in your ass, too. Didn’t I tell you I was fucking sick of you?
Seimei: *sputters incoherently*
[Enter Ritsuka]
Ritsuka: Hey Soubi, hey Seimei. Who’s the poor dead bastard?
Soubi: Akame Nisei. He insulted my hair.
Ritsuka: Ah. Fuck that. ‘Sup, bro?
Seimei: EXCUSE ME??
Ritsuka: Dude, are you still pissed off cuz I pwned your ass at Guitar Hero II? Wont you get over it? I totally rocked Shout At the Devil. Yayoi and I played it for 96 hours straight the day it came out. You’re never gonna beat me.
Seimei: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH VIDEO GAMES!! YOU JUST STOLE MY FIGHTER!! AND HE JUST SHOT MY NEW FIGHTER IN THE HEAD!!
Ritsuka: Yeah, well, that’s the breaks. Maybe if you two weren’t such assholes all the time…
Seimei: WHAT?? YOU LITTLE…!
[Seimei lunges for Ritsuka, but Ritsuka comes flying at him first.]
Ritsuka: Maewashi Geri!! (roundhouse kick) Tettsui Uchi!! (hammer fist strike) Morote Kubi Hishigi!! (double-handed neck crush)
[Seimei is now struggling in Ritsuka’s headlock.]
Soubi: Oh yeah, forgot to mention, Ritsuka’s been taking Jiu Jitsu.
Seimei: !!!
Soubi: [to Ritsuka] Right. You wanna go get hammered?
Ritsuka: Yeah, okay.
[Ritsuka drops Seimei on his ass.]
Seimei: HEY!! He’s not even old enough to drink!! HOLD ON!! WAIT A MINUTE! THIS WASN’T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO…!!
Soubi: [walking away] Yeah, well, go write yourself a crappy OVA. [turns back] On second thought…
[Aims his gun at Seimei. Ritsuka stays his hand.]
Ritsuka: Forget it. You know that bastard’ll just fuck it up for himself.
Soubi: Yeah, you’re probably right. Sake?
***