The Last Marauder.
ooc: Mainly inspired by TM's prompt ("Talk about something you lost."), but also because fighting at the Ministry and living in Grimmauld is...bringing back memories for Remus.
Dialogue taken from HP: OotP.
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There's noise. So much noise, but you focus and you duel because that's what is needed of you. You hear hexes and curses and spells thrown in every direction. You hear taunting. You hear laughing--
And that's when the noise seems to simply die down in an instant.
You desperately send a spell towards the Death Eater you're dueling so you can turn to look because you know that laughter. How can you not, when you have heard it ever since you were eleven years old?
Sirius.
You don't even see the Death Eater go down because as soon as the flash shoots out of your wand you're already turning, and there's a brief moment when you wish you hadn't. Or you would wish that, if it wasn't for the fact that the entire world seems to freeze so you can take in every excruciating detail before it jolts violently back to normal.
There's Sirius laughing, and Bellatrix is aiming right at him
Merlin, no--
as she smiles so sadistically that it's so damn sickening
Sirius, move. MOVE, for the love of--
and then she shoots out a spell just as you raise your own wand and aim it towards her.
But you're too late.
There's a red light that hits him, right on the chest, and even if you know the room is still filled with noise you don't hear anything anymore. All you can do is feel and just watch no matter how much it's killing you to do so.
Then you see it. The way his body falls. The way he slips past through the veil and disappears, and the world seems to crash at your feet as your heart stops beating the second he does.
But then you feel it, your heart, beating so wildly in your chest as you just RUN because you need to get him out. You need to bring him back. You need to save him, because you just can't lose him again. Not now, not ever again.
You can't leave. No, no, NO.
Someone is moving in the same direction, though, and it's by pure luck that you catch the movement out of the corner of your eye.
Harry...
Seeing him snaps something in you, something so painful that you can't breathe anymore as you run because seeing him and that grief sketched along his face makes you realize you're not dreaming. You're not the only one who saw him go through.
You wrap your arms tightly around him before he gets closer to the veil, whether for your sake or his is unclear, and by god when did it get so hard to breathe? When did that thick knot start to choke you? When did the tears start to sting in your eyes?
"There's nothing you can do, Harry--"
"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"
"It's too late, Harry--"
Merlin, how you hate yourself and the way you sound right now. You're supposed to go after him how Harry says; you're not supposed to let either Harry or Sirius down.
"We can still reach him--"
But you know better.
That's your curse, isn't it? Besides from surviving, that is part of your curse: You. know. better.
"There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing... He's gone."
Actually saying those words is so painful. Thinking is pure torture in itself, but saying it out loud feels like life is being sucked out of you in the worst and most painful way.
"He can't come back, Harry," you continue as your voice finally breaks. "He can't come back, because he's d--"
"HE IS NOT DEAD! SIRIUS!"
You don't even know how, but you manage to pull him away. You help Neville. You function no matter how wrong and pointless it feels; no matter how guilty you feel. Your best friend is gone, and he has taken a piece of your soul with him because you know this time he's not somewhere where he can escape from. This time he's...
Thoughts are interrupted as you try to stop Harry, and the only reason you don't follow him is because Harry running off after Bellatrix suddenly frees you and you even contemplate going through that damn veil as well. You're not supposed to be the last one standing. You're the werewolf. You're the Dark creature. You're the one they thought could have been the traitor; Sirius is the trustworthy one, the one that needs to be alive for Harry. You're the one who has no real reason to be alive. You're not supposed to outlive someone who has already lived through so much. You're not supposed to outlive someone you have already let down so many times, in so many ways.
It's supposed to be you, not him. You're not supposed to lose him again.
You're not supposed to be the last Marauder. Not you. Never you.
You want to scream as loud as you're doing on the inside, and you want to call him back so you can hear that laugh again and god, he's gone. He's gone.
That piercing pain that clings so tightly feels as if it crumbles you right on the spot, you who is usually so careful of showing any strong emotion, but everything is so overwhelming that you start to wonder just how and even why you can keep breathing. How does your heart keep beating, when it feels as if you're dead as well?
The rest is a blur. A blur that just flashes by you, and before you know it it's already morning and you're back in Grimmauld Place where Sirius is supposed to be because, no matter how much he had hated it, this is his house.
Was, a voice in your head reminds you as you sit on the edge of the bed, shoulders sagging because your body is suddenly so heavy that you can barely stand anymore.
Gone. Gone. He's...
...dead.
That word finally pierces through you, and you don't even need to say it outloud anymore for it to crush and shatter you into a million pieces. All defenses crumble, and suddenly you start wondering what was the last thing you said to him. How you said it. Merlin, how many times did you yell at him for trying to sneak out while he was supposed to stay inside the house so he could be safe? Did you ever apologize? Did you hug him? Did you--
And it happens as soon as your eyes catch sight of the traveling cloak he offered to let you use because yours was too old and shabby to keep wearing; there's a sound that fills the room no matter how hard you try to hold back but...you can't. You can't quite hold back that strangled sob that gets stuck in your throat. You can't because you're not supposed to be here.
James. Lily.
Sirius...
You're not supposed to be the last Marauder.
Dialogue taken from HP: OotP.
----------------------------------------------
There's noise. So much noise, but you focus and you duel because that's what is needed of you. You hear hexes and curses and spells thrown in every direction. You hear taunting. You hear laughing--
And that's when the noise seems to simply die down in an instant.
You desperately send a spell towards the Death Eater you're dueling so you can turn to look because you know that laughter. How can you not, when you have heard it ever since you were eleven years old?
Sirius.
You don't even see the Death Eater go down because as soon as the flash shoots out of your wand you're already turning, and there's a brief moment when you wish you hadn't. Or you would wish that, if it wasn't for the fact that the entire world seems to freeze so you can take in every excruciating detail before it jolts violently back to normal.
There's Sirius laughing, and Bellatrix is aiming right at him
Merlin, no--
as she smiles so sadistically that it's so damn sickening
Sirius, move. MOVE, for the love of--
and then she shoots out a spell just as you raise your own wand and aim it towards her.
But you're too late.
There's a red light that hits him, right on the chest, and even if you know the room is still filled with noise you don't hear anything anymore. All you can do is feel and just watch no matter how much it's killing you to do so.
Then you see it. The way his body falls. The way he slips past through the veil and disappears, and the world seems to crash at your feet as your heart stops beating the second he does.
But then you feel it, your heart, beating so wildly in your chest as you just RUN because you need to get him out. You need to bring him back. You need to save him, because you just can't lose him again. Not now, not ever again.
You can't leave. No, no, NO.
Someone is moving in the same direction, though, and it's by pure luck that you catch the movement out of the corner of your eye.
Harry...
Seeing him snaps something in you, something so painful that you can't breathe anymore as you run because seeing him and that grief sketched along his face makes you realize you're not dreaming. You're not the only one who saw him go through.
You wrap your arms tightly around him before he gets closer to the veil, whether for your sake or his is unclear, and by god when did it get so hard to breathe? When did that thick knot start to choke you? When did the tears start to sting in your eyes?
"There's nothing you can do, Harry--"
"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"
"It's too late, Harry--"
Merlin, how you hate yourself and the way you sound right now. You're supposed to go after him how Harry says; you're not supposed to let either Harry or Sirius down.
"We can still reach him--"
But you know better.
That's your curse, isn't it? Besides from surviving, that is part of your curse: You. know. better.
"There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing... He's gone."
Actually saying those words is so painful. Thinking is pure torture in itself, but saying it out loud feels like life is being sucked out of you in the worst and most painful way.
"He can't come back, Harry," you continue as your voice finally breaks. "He can't come back, because he's d--"
"HE IS NOT DEAD! SIRIUS!"
You don't even know how, but you manage to pull him away. You help Neville. You function no matter how wrong and pointless it feels; no matter how guilty you feel. Your best friend is gone, and he has taken a piece of your soul with him because you know this time he's not somewhere where he can escape from. This time he's...
Thoughts are interrupted as you try to stop Harry, and the only reason you don't follow him is because Harry running off after Bellatrix suddenly frees you and you even contemplate going through that damn veil as well. You're not supposed to be the last one standing. You're the werewolf. You're the Dark creature. You're the one they thought could have been the traitor; Sirius is the trustworthy one, the one that needs to be alive for Harry. You're the one who has no real reason to be alive. You're not supposed to outlive someone who has already lived through so much. You're not supposed to outlive someone you have already let down so many times, in so many ways.
It's supposed to be you, not him. You're not supposed to lose him again.
You're not supposed to be the last Marauder. Not you. Never you.
You want to scream as loud as you're doing on the inside, and you want to call him back so you can hear that laugh again and god, he's gone. He's gone.
That piercing pain that clings so tightly feels as if it crumbles you right on the spot, you who is usually so careful of showing any strong emotion, but everything is so overwhelming that you start to wonder just how and even why you can keep breathing. How does your heart keep beating, when it feels as if you're dead as well?
The rest is a blur. A blur that just flashes by you, and before you know it it's already morning and you're back in Grimmauld Place where Sirius is supposed to be because, no matter how much he had hated it, this is his house.
Was, a voice in your head reminds you as you sit on the edge of the bed, shoulders sagging because your body is suddenly so heavy that you can barely stand anymore.
Gone. Gone. He's...
...dead.
That word finally pierces through you, and you don't even need to say it outloud anymore for it to crush and shatter you into a million pieces. All defenses crumble, and suddenly you start wondering what was the last thing you said to him. How you said it. Merlin, how many times did you yell at him for trying to sneak out while he was supposed to stay inside the house so he could be safe? Did you ever apologize? Did you hug him? Did you--
And it happens as soon as your eyes catch sight of the traveling cloak he offered to let you use because yours was too old and shabby to keep wearing; there's a sound that fills the room no matter how hard you try to hold back but...you can't. You can't quite hold back that strangled sob that gets stuck in your throat. You can't because you're not supposed to be here.
James. Lily.
Sirius...
You're not supposed to be the last Marauder.