Owl Mail Quiz
SSHG authors do like to keep those mail owls busy! Many stories feature a correspondence or series of letters as a centerpiece. Today's quiz is all about the lost art of letter writing. So how many of you will admit that you like to read other people's mail?
This week's quiz was chosen bymrs_helenesnape who seems to know an awful lot about getting revenge.
~Raises eyebrow and backs away slowly.~
Be a winner! Check out the new way to win the quiz!
NEW PROCEDURE
Beginning with this quiz, we will take all the fangirls who post correct answers and draw a winning name from among them. It will not matter if you post first, last, or somewhere in the middle. As long as you comment with your answers before the answer post on Monday, it's all good. It’s a more casual Quiz, no more racing. Your mods believe this will level the playing field for fangirls living in different time zones. So please, relax, read, post, and enjoy SSHG.
So, who likes to read other people's mail?! Take your time and have fun. Just submit your answers in a comment before the answers post on Monday. Then you may be the winner and get to choose next week's quiz!
Match the quote to the story title:
The Dear John Letters by elise_wanderer
Protector by ladyofthemasque
A Most Unlikely Correspondence by little_beloved
Scenes From a Remarkable Marriage by Minerva McGonagall by sassy_cissa
All In Good Time by warded_portal
Proestigium by mmestrange
Letters to No One by ginny_weasley31
Bundle of Joy by LadyTuesday aka lady_tuesday
Letter(s) to Hermione (Section J-1: Initial Contact) by clannadlvr_fic
Dangerous Liaisons by bellarossi AKA gilded_glamour WIP
Beyond 84 Charing Cross Road by devsgma
The Last Word by Kalina Lea
1. January 17, 2000
Simon Sopohorous
London
Mister Sopohorous,
Today's shipment of books included the rare texts I mentioned in my last letter. Unfortunately, the volume I was expecting was not amongst those received.
There was a volume with a nearly identical title, but upon closer inspection I believe it is not the book you are seeking. However, on the chance that I am incorrect in my assumption, I am sending the volume to you for examination. If it is not what you seek, please return it to our store - at our expense. If we have not received the return in five days time, we shall debit your account.
I have also taken the liberty of including another book from today's shipment that appears to deal with similar subject matter. It is my hope that you will find one or both of these titles useful.
Graciously Yours,
Hermione Granger
Marks and Sons
2. There were moments of levity in their exchanges, and I saw my good friend thaw under the enthusiasm of her letters. He actually smiled when he read the following:
18 May 1998
Severus,
My work with Professor Marchande goes well. He has a brilliant mind, but is a stern task-master. Much like someone else I once brewed potions with, as a matter of fact.
To which he replied:
30 May 1999
Hermione,
I shall take the compliment about the brilliance of my mind, and ignore your reference to my demeanour. And you, young lady, have developed some unbecoming cheek.
Their correspondence became more frequent, and though he attempted nonchalance in the beginning, his face would soften a bit more with every letter that arrived. He seemed to relax while he held the parchment in his hand, his face more open and expressive than even he knew. He shared more of himself with Hermione than I believe he has ever shared with another.
3. 30 June 2024
Dear Mr Smith,
I would imagine that you thought that you were well rid of me by now. It has been a long time since I last wrote. This year’s anniversary passed by with much less pain than before. Just as always, it was remembered, but the dreams didn’t come to haunt me this year. Perhaps the ghosts decided that twenty-five years was long enough. At least I hope that is the case.
I went to King’s Cross this afternoon to retrieve my children. Not that it’s easy to even think of them as children much anymore. My daughter will be starting her seventh year come September, and my son will be beginning his fifth. It was the final three years of my schooling when everything began to happen for me. So, recalling those memories can be almost painful. Especially having missed out on my seventh year. As you well know, even if it hadn’t have been for my devotion to Harry, my bloodlines would’ve kept me from attending my seventh year when you had been headmaster.
I’m not blaming you. I truly don’t want you to think that I am. You were placed in a position that wouldn’t be fair to ask of anyone. And after speaking at great lengths with both Neville and Ginny, I can see how much you tried to protect them.
Detention with Hagrid, indeed.
4. Snape,
Arrogance, indeed, you insufferable wanker.
How dare you! How dare you think you have even the tiniest right to decide anything for me, to “protect” me, to “save” me from myself! And how dare you call this wrong! If you are so truly repulsed by me, by the idea of me, by the thought of fucking me, then simply have the courage to say so.
I left - you threw me out - before I had the chance to gather all my things. Kindly do me the courtesy of returning the rest of my belongings at your earliest convenience. I would not wish to have left anything petty behind to remind you of what is so obviously a painful, agonizing regret.
Bastard.
HG
5. Monday, 26 December
Joy,
You, Madam, are certifiably insane. You remind me far too much of a young lady I once knew who took a rather sickening amount of pride in being self-confident to a fault and intellectually overzealous to the point of lunacy. Despite the highly insulting nature of your request, I have decided to be the more mature of the two of us - which wasn’t much of an effort, given your last few correspondences - and actually answer the damn questionnaire. In honor of the memory of my insufferable former acquaintance, I have penned the answers to be as long-winded as I could possibly manage. I hope it takes you until New Year’s to mark.
Defiantly,
Tobias
6. ‘My dear Mione;
I have one more request to ask of you, before we meet face-to-face. It is a peculiar one, I will admit, but I find myself very nervous at the prospect of entering the room, having you spot me, and listening to you scream in revulsion or fear. Hopefully my concerns will prove silly and unfounded…but I would ask that you willingly blindfold yourself. I want to be able to get all the way into the room and let the door close so that the wards will give us privacy; if you scream while they’re still down and the door is still open, things might go very badly for both of us. Especially as it would shatter my perceived identity, and ruin my effectiveness as a spy in the Enemy’s lair, if your startlement draws the attention of others. I cannot take any risks of my true identity being divulged to others through this meeting. The Order has too few people who can spy upon the Dark Lord to threaten that anonymity.
There is a silver bell on the tea-tray. Ring it when you are blindfolded; it’s charmed to alert me even through the wardings. I thank you in advance for following these precautions, even if you think them silly, strange, or possibly unnerving. I will explain what I can when we finally meet; I promise you this. All I can ask is that you give me just a little bit more of your trust. I will do my best to make it up to you, if you will still let me, once we have met.
Yours,
Rus’
7. To: sparky.uk
From: pm.uk
Date: January 22, 2004
Subject: RE: The Wizard of Oz
No, I have not seen "The Wizard of Oz." I was raised in a wizarding family, and we didn’t need to go to the cinema to see pictures move. However, I have heard of the movie and vaguely remember being taught in History of Magic that it contains a number of gross inaccuracies about witches and wizards. That said, the "Wicked Witch of the West" you mentioned sounds remarkably like one of my colleagues, so perhaps the film isn’t as far-fetched as you’d like to think. Just in case, I am pleased to hear that you have a contingency plan in case the flying monkeys suddenly materialize.
And no, I do not have a pet. The few cats I am around on a regular basis have done nothing whatever to make me think that acquiring one of my own would be a pleasant experience. I would be more inclined to feed them to the monkeys, rather than the other way around.
8. Dear Professor Snape,
I told Hagrid you had provided the potion last night. You would have found the result highly amusing. He looked like he had been hit by a Petrificus Totalus for a few seconds before he grabbed me and sobbed into my hair for an hour, muttering about how Dumbledore had been right to trust you. If I ever again hear the phrase, “I always knew ‘ee were a good sort under it all!” I swear I will kill somebody. I was saturated by the time he had finished crying. He has promised to tell nobody. I toyed with the idea of making him take the Unbreakable Vow, but this would probably result in his death within the month, rendering all your hard work meaningless.
I’m glad you found my suggestions useful. Still no improvement in skin colour. There are a number of further considerations attached.
Yours truly,
Hermione
9. After languishing over the page for a half an hour and three cups of tea, she sighed. It was no good. This had to be a direct approach or nothing at all. She started writing, trying to keep it simple, but needing the power of words to protect her dignity.
Dear Severus, she started. And then whispered the spell to erase the page. This hadn't started as an exchange of love letters, and she didn't think he'd appreciate it if she started now.
She began again.
I want to kiss you, but if you do not reciprocate, I think I shall die of embarrassment.
She read the words and then erased the last phrase, penning another in its place.
I want to kiss you, but if you do not reciprocate, my heart will break.
Simple. Straightforward. Unequivocal.
She did not fold the note this time, simply leaving it on the hearth, and then began her day.
10. Dear Correspondent,
Gryffindors are often known for their “bravery,” but I have always known that trait to in fact be merely a tendency toward unmitigated gall. You do your House proud with your pretensions when you have only a child’s understanding of what truly damns a soul. Nothing can save me from that fate, so I fear you have less than nothing to hold over my head. I have committed my “sins,” have foolishly struggled to atone, and ended up committing atrocities in the process. So please forgive me if I refuse the chance to redeem myself once more. It will only serve to “damn” me even further.
I quite prefer knowing at which circle of hell I’ll be residing and see no need to vie for alternative real estate.
Signed,
The person who will no longer be replying to your letters.
p.s. While you may be a Grade A annoyance, that barely ranks you above the affect of a fly buzzing around a rotting corpse. So much noise and excitement around someone who could not give a damn about its presence.
p.p.s. Who do you think cultivated the myth about my Vampirism in the first place? Sometimes the best forms of intimidation are the most latent. You would do well to remember that.
This week's quiz was chosen bymrs_helenesnape who seems to know an awful lot about getting revenge.
~Raises eyebrow and backs away slowly.~
Be a winner! Check out the new way to win the quiz!
NEW PROCEDURE
Beginning with this quiz, we will take all the fangirls who post correct answers and draw a winning name from among them. It will not matter if you post first, last, or somewhere in the middle. As long as you comment with your answers before the answer post on Monday, it's all good. It’s a more casual Quiz, no more racing. Your mods believe this will level the playing field for fangirls living in different time zones. So please, relax, read, post, and enjoy SSHG.
So, who likes to read other people's mail?! Take your time and have fun. Just submit your answers in a comment before the answers post on Monday. Then you may be the winner and get to choose next week's quiz!
Match the quote to the story title:
The Dear John Letters by elise_wanderer
Protector by ladyofthemasque
A Most Unlikely Correspondence by little_beloved
Scenes From a Remarkable Marriage by Minerva McGonagall by sassy_cissa
All In Good Time by warded_portal
Proestigium by mmestrange
Letters to No One by ginny_weasley31
Bundle of Joy by LadyTuesday aka lady_tuesday
Letter(s) to Hermione (Section J-1: Initial Contact) by clannadlvr_fic
Dangerous Liaisons by bellarossi AKA gilded_glamour WIP
Beyond 84 Charing Cross Road by devsgma
The Last Word by Kalina Lea
1. January 17, 2000
Simon Sopohorous
London
Mister Sopohorous,
Today's shipment of books included the rare texts I mentioned in my last letter. Unfortunately, the volume I was expecting was not amongst those received.
There was a volume with a nearly identical title, but upon closer inspection I believe it is not the book you are seeking. However, on the chance that I am incorrect in my assumption, I am sending the volume to you for examination. If it is not what you seek, please return it to our store - at our expense. If we have not received the return in five days time, we shall debit your account.
I have also taken the liberty of including another book from today's shipment that appears to deal with similar subject matter. It is my hope that you will find one or both of these titles useful.
Graciously Yours,
Hermione Granger
Marks and Sons
2. There were moments of levity in their exchanges, and I saw my good friend thaw under the enthusiasm of her letters. He actually smiled when he read the following:
18 May 1998
Severus,
My work with Professor Marchande goes well. He has a brilliant mind, but is a stern task-master. Much like someone else I once brewed potions with, as a matter of fact.
To which he replied:
30 May 1999
Hermione,
I shall take the compliment about the brilliance of my mind, and ignore your reference to my demeanour. And you, young lady, have developed some unbecoming cheek.
Their correspondence became more frequent, and though he attempted nonchalance in the beginning, his face would soften a bit more with every letter that arrived. He seemed to relax while he held the parchment in his hand, his face more open and expressive than even he knew. He shared more of himself with Hermione than I believe he has ever shared with another.
3. 30 June 2024
Dear Mr Smith,
I would imagine that you thought that you were well rid of me by now. It has been a long time since I last wrote. This year’s anniversary passed by with much less pain than before. Just as always, it was remembered, but the dreams didn’t come to haunt me this year. Perhaps the ghosts decided that twenty-five years was long enough. At least I hope that is the case.
I went to King’s Cross this afternoon to retrieve my children. Not that it’s easy to even think of them as children much anymore. My daughter will be starting her seventh year come September, and my son will be beginning his fifth. It was the final three years of my schooling when everything began to happen for me. So, recalling those memories can be almost painful. Especially having missed out on my seventh year. As you well know, even if it hadn’t have been for my devotion to Harry, my bloodlines would’ve kept me from attending my seventh year when you had been headmaster.
I’m not blaming you. I truly don’t want you to think that I am. You were placed in a position that wouldn’t be fair to ask of anyone. And after speaking at great lengths with both Neville and Ginny, I can see how much you tried to protect them.
Detention with Hagrid, indeed.
4. Snape,
Arrogance, indeed, you insufferable wanker.
How dare you! How dare you think you have even the tiniest right to decide anything for me, to “protect” me, to “save” me from myself! And how dare you call this wrong! If you are so truly repulsed by me, by the idea of me, by the thought of fucking me, then simply have the courage to say so.
I left - you threw me out - before I had the chance to gather all my things. Kindly do me the courtesy of returning the rest of my belongings at your earliest convenience. I would not wish to have left anything petty behind to remind you of what is so obviously a painful, agonizing regret.
Bastard.
HG
5. Monday, 26 December
Joy,
You, Madam, are certifiably insane. You remind me far too much of a young lady I once knew who took a rather sickening amount of pride in being self-confident to a fault and intellectually overzealous to the point of lunacy. Despite the highly insulting nature of your request, I have decided to be the more mature of the two of us - which wasn’t much of an effort, given your last few correspondences - and actually answer the damn questionnaire. In honor of the memory of my insufferable former acquaintance, I have penned the answers to be as long-winded as I could possibly manage. I hope it takes you until New Year’s to mark.
Defiantly,
Tobias
6. ‘My dear Mione;
I have one more request to ask of you, before we meet face-to-face. It is a peculiar one, I will admit, but I find myself very nervous at the prospect of entering the room, having you spot me, and listening to you scream in revulsion or fear. Hopefully my concerns will prove silly and unfounded…but I would ask that you willingly blindfold yourself. I want to be able to get all the way into the room and let the door close so that the wards will give us privacy; if you scream while they’re still down and the door is still open, things might go very badly for both of us. Especially as it would shatter my perceived identity, and ruin my effectiveness as a spy in the Enemy’s lair, if your startlement draws the attention of others. I cannot take any risks of my true identity being divulged to others through this meeting. The Order has too few people who can spy upon the Dark Lord to threaten that anonymity.
There is a silver bell on the tea-tray. Ring it when you are blindfolded; it’s charmed to alert me even through the wardings. I thank you in advance for following these precautions, even if you think them silly, strange, or possibly unnerving. I will explain what I can when we finally meet; I promise you this. All I can ask is that you give me just a little bit more of your trust. I will do my best to make it up to you, if you will still let me, once we have met.
Yours,
Rus’
7. To: sparky.uk
From: pm.uk
Date: January 22, 2004
Subject: RE: The Wizard of Oz
No, I have not seen "The Wizard of Oz." I was raised in a wizarding family, and we didn’t need to go to the cinema to see pictures move. However, I have heard of the movie and vaguely remember being taught in History of Magic that it contains a number of gross inaccuracies about witches and wizards. That said, the "Wicked Witch of the West" you mentioned sounds remarkably like one of my colleagues, so perhaps the film isn’t as far-fetched as you’d like to think. Just in case, I am pleased to hear that you have a contingency plan in case the flying monkeys suddenly materialize.
And no, I do not have a pet. The few cats I am around on a regular basis have done nothing whatever to make me think that acquiring one of my own would be a pleasant experience. I would be more inclined to feed them to the monkeys, rather than the other way around.
8. Dear Professor Snape,
I told Hagrid you had provided the potion last night. You would have found the result highly amusing. He looked like he had been hit by a Petrificus Totalus for a few seconds before he grabbed me and sobbed into my hair for an hour, muttering about how Dumbledore had been right to trust you. If I ever again hear the phrase, “I always knew ‘ee were a good sort under it all!” I swear I will kill somebody. I was saturated by the time he had finished crying. He has promised to tell nobody. I toyed with the idea of making him take the Unbreakable Vow, but this would probably result in his death within the month, rendering all your hard work meaningless.
I’m glad you found my suggestions useful. Still no improvement in skin colour. There are a number of further considerations attached.
Yours truly,
Hermione
9. After languishing over the page for a half an hour and three cups of tea, she sighed. It was no good. This had to be a direct approach or nothing at all. She started writing, trying to keep it simple, but needing the power of words to protect her dignity.
Dear Severus, she started. And then whispered the spell to erase the page. This hadn't started as an exchange of love letters, and she didn't think he'd appreciate it if she started now.
She began again.
I want to kiss you, but if you do not reciprocate, I think I shall die of embarrassment.
She read the words and then erased the last phrase, penning another in its place.
I want to kiss you, but if you do not reciprocate, my heart will break.
Simple. Straightforward. Unequivocal.
She did not fold the note this time, simply leaving it on the hearth, and then began her day.
10. Dear Correspondent,
Gryffindors are often known for their “bravery,” but I have always known that trait to in fact be merely a tendency toward unmitigated gall. You do your House proud with your pretensions when you have only a child’s understanding of what truly damns a soul. Nothing can save me from that fate, so I fear you have less than nothing to hold over my head. I have committed my “sins,” have foolishly struggled to atone, and ended up committing atrocities in the process. So please forgive me if I refuse the chance to redeem myself once more. It will only serve to “damn” me even further.
I quite prefer knowing at which circle of hell I’ll be residing and see no need to vie for alternative real estate.
Signed,
The person who will no longer be replying to your letters.
p.s. While you may be a Grade A annoyance, that barely ranks you above the affect of a fly buzzing around a rotting corpse. So much noise and excitement around someone who could not give a damn about its presence.
p.p.s. Who do you think cultivated the myth about my Vampirism in the first place? Sometimes the best forms of intimidation are the most latent. You would do well to remember that.