Make over Snape into a sex god Quiz
The make-over sex god!Snape challenge evolved from a conversation that began on Potter Place. The fangirls were discussing how frequently Snape is depicted as a sex!god. Inquiring minds wanted to know just how that happened. Did he take a potion to gain some libido after a poor performance? Was he simply well practiced? Or did he bloom after released from spying upon Voldemort's demise? You will find all those scenarios and more in today's quiz!
Thanks to southernwitch69 and PlaidPooka for creating the challenge and to voxangelus the fastest SL fangirl around for selecting the quiz.
The first fangirl who posts a perfect score will get to choose the next quiz.
Match the story to the quote:
Leather by Wartcap
Snape’s Adventure in la-la Land by closetravenclaw
Beating His Bludger by southernwitch69
In the Name of Research JenKM1216 a/k/a remusseverus
Courtesy of Your Fairy God-Jarvey by Dracontia a/k/a reginafletcher
Mission Get Severus Laid by Fervesco
Mandrake Roots and Ashwinder Eggs by Amethyst
Liquid Love by Phoenix
Metamorphosis by notsosaintly
For the Love of What Little Good is in the World, Please Give me Back my Greasy Git by Lorraine Bluestar
And This Too Shall Pass by cocoachristy
Shining Through by PlaidPooka
1. As he rolled off of her, she crawled out from under him. Trembling, she gathered her robes and dressed. As she limped out of the hospital wing, she saw a dishevelled Poppy limping into the patient area.
Over the next few weeks, she saw very little of Severus Snape, but she noticed quite a few limping witches around the castle and Hogsmeade. She also noticed that her monthly didn't come. Nor did it come the next month. After confirming her pregnancy, Hermione learned that all of the female professors of Hogwarts were pregnant, most of the single witches of Hogsmeade were pregnant (some of the married ones, too), and several of the older seventh years were pregnant, as well. The one thing they all had in common was Severus Snape.
Over a matter of months, Severus Snape, with his potion enhanced looks and personality, impregnated a large potion of the wizarding world's female population. Hermione patted her swelling belly as she mourned the loss of her colleague; his body might not have died in that explosion, but the man that he was certainly had. She was somewhat fond of the sarcastic bastard. This new man, though, she hardly knew him. He was smooth to everyone, or at least every witch; he never had time for detentions or for co-workers looking to discuss a book or a recent advancement in potion making or defensive magic. The man that was Severus Snape was gone and this sex god had taken his place.
2. "I believe you heard me. One thing that is not lacking about you is your hearing. Although, your ability to follow directions is," he snapped. "Now, divest of your clothing, and lie down on the table."
"I will do no such thing, Professor," Hermione squealed indignantly. "How dare you ask such a thing of me?"
Severus stepped in front of her and bent until his face was level with hers. "Do not try my patience. Do you want this apprenticeship or not?"
"Professor, why do you need for me to… divest of my clothing?" she asked suspiciously. When no answer was forth coming, it dawned on her. "You tried the potion, didn't you?"
The glare on the face of the man in front of her deepened. He looked down his long nose at her in disdain. "You are my apprentice. I ask you questions; you do not ask me questions."
Hermione laughed at him. It probably wasn't the best idea, but she couldn't help it. "Well, Professor," she began, "it seems that you have a problem." She looked pointedly at his trousers, which were tented. She hadn't noticed before in her shock over his order. "The way I see it, if I help you with the… research, you owe me."
3. "You get out of bed every morning to try teaching generations of genetic miscues on anything weaker than this, and see how far you get," he groused.
"Seeing as how you don't have to do that for a living anymore, that excuse sucks donkey cock. Look, I'll adjust your toothpaste to counteract the worst of this; but long term, you need to seriously cut back on the tall, dark, and staining beverages. Lose the booze too, while you're at it. That hangover relief potion isn't exactly a dental beauty treatment."
With a minimum of profanity (on either side), they managed to ascend the stairs and deal with the toothpaste charm. But a fully-caffeinated and minty-fresh Snape once again felt sufficiently rebellious to balk at the idea of further improvements.
"You can't do a damned thing with my hair. Don't you think I've tried for the better part of three decades? How is a trained stoat supposed to surpass a Potions master, hmmm?"
4. Severus was amazed by the longevity of the potion. Most lust potions lasted only a few hours; the effects of this one had already lasted several days. He knew that searching through the book again for more information would be a waste of time. But what would he do when the potion wore off? Had Hermione Weasley's declaration of the crush she'd had on him for the last decade been the truth, or had it only been the potion? For a brief moment, he considered confessing to her what had happened, but quickly decided that it would accomplish nothing useful.
Severus thought that the potion might be something he could market once he had more thoroughly deciphered its properties. For now, he had only tested it on one witch. That was not a large enough sample group to establish its commercial possibilities. There was always a segment of wizarding society searching for the next lust potion, and he had provided several of those in the past. This one was definitely better than any he had brewed for his acquaintances before, and as such, he anticipated that he would be able to charge significantly more. This potion might prove most beneficial in more way than one.
5. School had been in session for three months. Severus was back in his old routine and glad he had come back, though he would never admit it. He was even talking to Albus' portrait some.
It was during dinner one evening when an idea came to him. Remembering the accusations that Helen had thrown at him concerning his bedroom skills-or lack thereof-he'd decided to make a potion similar to the Muggle pill, Viagra, that he'd read about in another one of Helen's medical books.
He'd been noticing the sideways glances that Hermione had been giving him during the past weeks. It wasn't that he was especially interested in her, regardless of how mature and pleasant she seemed lately. Nor was it her womanly figure, not that he had particularly noticed, but he felt it was time to start living his life. Her glances had made him think of finding a woman, which was something he had not wanted to do in a long time.
6. She blushes and tries not to smile, but is failing miserably. “Um … both? Or how about sex on the Potion mas-um … mistress’ desk right before the students show up for detention?”
“You give out detention? Unbelievable,” I quip. “Better yet, in the Potions mistress’ office while the students are scrubbing cauldrons during detention. You do make them scrub cauldrons, don’t you?”
“You bet. It’s a rather effective form of punishment.” She drops her voice to a whisper. “I even have them use their toothbrush-on occasion.”
I grin evilly. “I think I’m getting turned on,” I say. And I’m not lying either. This woman has a hint of Slytherin in her blood. I wonder if I can uncover more of the Slytherin in this Gryffindor before the night is through.
I decide to be a little bold-thanks to the makers of this fine whiskey-and place a hand on her leg. To my great surprise, she slides a little closer to me on the bench seat.
“Why, Professor Granger, are you coming on to me?” I ask. There is no room for coquettishness in my book; not this evening, anyway.
She laughs. Not a girlish giggle, like that damn Rolanda-thank gods she had the decency to pass out-but a sultry laugh. “Perhaps I am. Would that be terrible of me?” she asks and then places her hand on my thigh.
7. The crux of the matter was simple: Severus had made some choices in his youth that he couldn’t quite live with. Having lost the nerve to look himself in the eye, he had simply stopped looking. Once he had acquired the habit, he thought no more about it.
Until today. Today, Severus Snape, Potions master of Hogwarts, had passed a mirror which hung in the corridor outside the Great Hall and had casually glanced at it. The shock of the simple action had caused him to forget his Saturday afternoon’s employment of going into the forest to look for some wormwood and, instead, sent him scurrying back down to the dungeons. There, in the safety of his rooms, Severus had conjured a mirror and taken a good, long look.
Standing on slightly shaking legs, Severus went again to the mirror and stared. It was little wonder the students had such cruel names for him. He was horrible. He was ghastly. The “passable” promise of his seventh year had fled, and Severus was left with a visage that he was certain that not even his mother-gods rest her soul-could look at without flinching. The hair combing charm he had made use of had obviously never been intended for long term; it had left his hair lifeless and somewhat greasy. There was also a great deal more grey in his hair than any wizard of his age should be sporting. The tooth cleansing charm had indeed cleaned his teeth, but they were a dingy yellow color and far more crooked than Severus remembered. His nose, always large, was crooked and hooked from too many Nasum Infractus hexes. His skin was pale and had an unhealthy sallow cast to it. Though Severus had been gaining a bit of weight since the end of the war, he was still painfully thin, and that too was reflected in his face. His cheeks were hollow; his forehead bony. Altogether, he was a travesty of a wizard.
8. Though it embarrasses me greatly to do so, I feel I must share with you what occurred next. Perhaps it will shine some light on my predicament, even if it only brings you slight understanding of my actions.
Everything proceeded as expected: I paid for a seedy room in a dingy hotel, she undressed, I undressed. I opted to do away with the pleasantries and get straight to business. I…I think perhaps it is easier if I just…
The whore cried, “Take me, big boy!” Which, to be honest, did nothing for me. However, I was paying for her time and I was still in desperate need of perfecting my performance for Hermione, so I thrust forward into her depths and…
No. Just no. I am certain you can imagine what happened. All I have to say is that harlot probably just earned the quickest 20 Sickles of her miserable life.
9. His throat felt tight, parched; it failed to respond to his attempt at speech.
“So Baroque,” she purred, “Where have you been hiding away this wanton side?” She unbuttoned his coat and cast an appraising glance over his bare chest and leather trousers. “I think there's something you need to tell me, Severus.”
Unable to speak, he sank to his knees, looking up at her with open longing, need and desire. “There’s more,” he croaked.
Resting her hands on his shoulders, she spread her feet either side of his knees, applying just enough pressure, encouraging him to continue. “Is there?”
He looked down at the torn book, where it lay forgotten on the cold, stone floor. Swallowing hard, he looked up again into her defiant brown eyes. She gave him a warm smile and used the back of her hand to stroke his jaw line. Turning her hand over, she cupped his chin firmly and tilted his head up.
Her expression hardened. “I asked you a question. Is there more you need to tell me?” she scolded.
Excited and aroused by her show of power, he released the words he had dreamed of saying for so very long.
“Yes, Mistress.”
10. Rosmerta’s fingers had just woven themselves into his hair when suddenly his teeth nipped her roughly. “Ow,” she blurted. Good grief.
He stopped and smugly said, “More where that came from, I assure you.”
That’s what I’m afraid of! “Bloody hell,” she said as his lips forcefully sucked on her nipple, teeth gnashing at her flesh, making it feel as if it were being grated with a Muggle device that shredded cheese. “Oh!”
“Yes, yes,” he mumbled, mistaking her words for impatience, as he continued to work on her. His fingers were now sliding out and making a path up to her clitoris, giving it a healthy pinch.
“Severus,” she said, hoping he’d stop for a moment. “Ow.” What the hell is going on here? This can’t be Severus Snape.
Before she could tell him to stop, his thin body was nestled between her thighs again, and he was pushing back into her with abandon, filling her and making her moan with his initial thrust. He began a series of powerful plunges, bucking frantically and grunting each time his skin slapped against hers.
Instead of enjoying it, she could think of nothing but the way his limp hair had come to life, flaring out as he pulled back and hitting his face when he pushed in. For an entire minute, she simply laid back in shock and watched him moving against her. The only sounds in the room were his grunts and the hitting of his body against hers.
Here are the original rules for the challenge
One-Shot story only (at least 1000 words is only limit)
The pairing must be SS/HG (to be archived at Ashwinder or
the Petulant Poetess in special folders created specifically
for the challenge)
Post or Pre HBP (either acceptable)
No intentional errors / author’s notes this time (whew!)
Any genre allowed (We adore parodies.)
Any rating allowed
After the deadline has passed, we will have a vote on the stories.
The deadline will be April 1st since we are “fooling” around.
Tentative Premises (Not Mandatory-for ideas only):
1. Snape has shagged someone (We don’t care who it was.) and now
feels a bit lacking after his performance (for whatever reason).
He creates a potion to make him into a Sex!God (be it for endurance,
looks, lust, anything). No woman will be able to deny his skills at
the art of shagging after that. He decides to practice on Hermione.
2. The war is finally over, and Voldemort has been defeated. For
the first time in years, Severus has the time to take a good look at
himself-inside and/or outside, and he doesn’t like what he sees. What
does he decide to do about it, and how shall he accomplish it?
3. Severus has just created a Viagra Potion, but bloody hell…
He shouldn’t have tested it on himself.
Thanks to southernwitch69 and PlaidPooka for creating the challenge and to voxangelus the fastest SL fangirl around for selecting the quiz.
The first fangirl who posts a perfect score will get to choose the next quiz.
Match the story to the quote:
Leather by Wartcap
Snape’s Adventure in la-la Land by closetravenclaw
Beating His Bludger by southernwitch69
In the Name of Research JenKM1216 a/k/a remusseverus
Courtesy of Your Fairy God-Jarvey by Dracontia a/k/a reginafletcher
Mission Get Severus Laid by Fervesco
Mandrake Roots and Ashwinder Eggs by Amethyst
Liquid Love by Phoenix
Metamorphosis by notsosaintly
For the Love of What Little Good is in the World, Please Give me Back my Greasy Git by Lorraine Bluestar
And This Too Shall Pass by cocoachristy
Shining Through by PlaidPooka
1. As he rolled off of her, she crawled out from under him. Trembling, she gathered her robes and dressed. As she limped out of the hospital wing, she saw a dishevelled Poppy limping into the patient area.
Over the next few weeks, she saw very little of Severus Snape, but she noticed quite a few limping witches around the castle and Hogsmeade. She also noticed that her monthly didn't come. Nor did it come the next month. After confirming her pregnancy, Hermione learned that all of the female professors of Hogwarts were pregnant, most of the single witches of Hogsmeade were pregnant (some of the married ones, too), and several of the older seventh years were pregnant, as well. The one thing they all had in common was Severus Snape.
Over a matter of months, Severus Snape, with his potion enhanced looks and personality, impregnated a large potion of the wizarding world's female population. Hermione patted her swelling belly as she mourned the loss of her colleague; his body might not have died in that explosion, but the man that he was certainly had. She was somewhat fond of the sarcastic bastard. This new man, though, she hardly knew him. He was smooth to everyone, or at least every witch; he never had time for detentions or for co-workers looking to discuss a book or a recent advancement in potion making or defensive magic. The man that was Severus Snape was gone and this sex god had taken his place.
2. "I believe you heard me. One thing that is not lacking about you is your hearing. Although, your ability to follow directions is," he snapped. "Now, divest of your clothing, and lie down on the table."
"I will do no such thing, Professor," Hermione squealed indignantly. "How dare you ask such a thing of me?"
Severus stepped in front of her and bent until his face was level with hers. "Do not try my patience. Do you want this apprenticeship or not?"
"Professor, why do you need for me to… divest of my clothing?" she asked suspiciously. When no answer was forth coming, it dawned on her. "You tried the potion, didn't you?"
The glare on the face of the man in front of her deepened. He looked down his long nose at her in disdain. "You are my apprentice. I ask you questions; you do not ask me questions."
Hermione laughed at him. It probably wasn't the best idea, but she couldn't help it. "Well, Professor," she began, "it seems that you have a problem." She looked pointedly at his trousers, which were tented. She hadn't noticed before in her shock over his order. "The way I see it, if I help you with the… research, you owe me."
3. "You get out of bed every morning to try teaching generations of genetic miscues on anything weaker than this, and see how far you get," he groused.
"Seeing as how you don't have to do that for a living anymore, that excuse sucks donkey cock. Look, I'll adjust your toothpaste to counteract the worst of this; but long term, you need to seriously cut back on the tall, dark, and staining beverages. Lose the booze too, while you're at it. That hangover relief potion isn't exactly a dental beauty treatment."
With a minimum of profanity (on either side), they managed to ascend the stairs and deal with the toothpaste charm. But a fully-caffeinated and minty-fresh Snape once again felt sufficiently rebellious to balk at the idea of further improvements.
"You can't do a damned thing with my hair. Don't you think I've tried for the better part of three decades? How is a trained stoat supposed to surpass a Potions master, hmmm?"
4. Severus was amazed by the longevity of the potion. Most lust potions lasted only a few hours; the effects of this one had already lasted several days. He knew that searching through the book again for more information would be a waste of time. But what would he do when the potion wore off? Had Hermione Weasley's declaration of the crush she'd had on him for the last decade been the truth, or had it only been the potion? For a brief moment, he considered confessing to her what had happened, but quickly decided that it would accomplish nothing useful.
Severus thought that the potion might be something he could market once he had more thoroughly deciphered its properties. For now, he had only tested it on one witch. That was not a large enough sample group to establish its commercial possibilities. There was always a segment of wizarding society searching for the next lust potion, and he had provided several of those in the past. This one was definitely better than any he had brewed for his acquaintances before, and as such, he anticipated that he would be able to charge significantly more. This potion might prove most beneficial in more way than one.
5. School had been in session for three months. Severus was back in his old routine and glad he had come back, though he would never admit it. He was even talking to Albus' portrait some.
It was during dinner one evening when an idea came to him. Remembering the accusations that Helen had thrown at him concerning his bedroom skills-or lack thereof-he'd decided to make a potion similar to the Muggle pill, Viagra, that he'd read about in another one of Helen's medical books.
He'd been noticing the sideways glances that Hermione had been giving him during the past weeks. It wasn't that he was especially interested in her, regardless of how mature and pleasant she seemed lately. Nor was it her womanly figure, not that he had particularly noticed, but he felt it was time to start living his life. Her glances had made him think of finding a woman, which was something he had not wanted to do in a long time.
6. She blushes and tries not to smile, but is failing miserably. “Um … both? Or how about sex on the Potion mas-um … mistress’ desk right before the students show up for detention?”
“You give out detention? Unbelievable,” I quip. “Better yet, in the Potions mistress’ office while the students are scrubbing cauldrons during detention. You do make them scrub cauldrons, don’t you?”
“You bet. It’s a rather effective form of punishment.” She drops her voice to a whisper. “I even have them use their toothbrush-on occasion.”
I grin evilly. “I think I’m getting turned on,” I say. And I’m not lying either. This woman has a hint of Slytherin in her blood. I wonder if I can uncover more of the Slytherin in this Gryffindor before the night is through.
I decide to be a little bold-thanks to the makers of this fine whiskey-and place a hand on her leg. To my great surprise, she slides a little closer to me on the bench seat.
“Why, Professor Granger, are you coming on to me?” I ask. There is no room for coquettishness in my book; not this evening, anyway.
She laughs. Not a girlish giggle, like that damn Rolanda-thank gods she had the decency to pass out-but a sultry laugh. “Perhaps I am. Would that be terrible of me?” she asks and then places her hand on my thigh.
7. The crux of the matter was simple: Severus had made some choices in his youth that he couldn’t quite live with. Having lost the nerve to look himself in the eye, he had simply stopped looking. Once he had acquired the habit, he thought no more about it.
Until today. Today, Severus Snape, Potions master of Hogwarts, had passed a mirror which hung in the corridor outside the Great Hall and had casually glanced at it. The shock of the simple action had caused him to forget his Saturday afternoon’s employment of going into the forest to look for some wormwood and, instead, sent him scurrying back down to the dungeons. There, in the safety of his rooms, Severus had conjured a mirror and taken a good, long look.
Standing on slightly shaking legs, Severus went again to the mirror and stared. It was little wonder the students had such cruel names for him. He was horrible. He was ghastly. The “passable” promise of his seventh year had fled, and Severus was left with a visage that he was certain that not even his mother-gods rest her soul-could look at without flinching. The hair combing charm he had made use of had obviously never been intended for long term; it had left his hair lifeless and somewhat greasy. There was also a great deal more grey in his hair than any wizard of his age should be sporting. The tooth cleansing charm had indeed cleaned his teeth, but they were a dingy yellow color and far more crooked than Severus remembered. His nose, always large, was crooked and hooked from too many Nasum Infractus hexes. His skin was pale and had an unhealthy sallow cast to it. Though Severus had been gaining a bit of weight since the end of the war, he was still painfully thin, and that too was reflected in his face. His cheeks were hollow; his forehead bony. Altogether, he was a travesty of a wizard.
8. Though it embarrasses me greatly to do so, I feel I must share with you what occurred next. Perhaps it will shine some light on my predicament, even if it only brings you slight understanding of my actions.
Everything proceeded as expected: I paid for a seedy room in a dingy hotel, she undressed, I undressed. I opted to do away with the pleasantries and get straight to business. I…I think perhaps it is easier if I just…
The whore cried, “Take me, big boy!” Which, to be honest, did nothing for me. However, I was paying for her time and I was still in desperate need of perfecting my performance for Hermione, so I thrust forward into her depths and…
No. Just no. I am certain you can imagine what happened. All I have to say is that harlot probably just earned the quickest 20 Sickles of her miserable life.
9. His throat felt tight, parched; it failed to respond to his attempt at speech.
“So Baroque,” she purred, “Where have you been hiding away this wanton side?” She unbuttoned his coat and cast an appraising glance over his bare chest and leather trousers. “I think there's something you need to tell me, Severus.”
Unable to speak, he sank to his knees, looking up at her with open longing, need and desire. “There’s more,” he croaked.
Resting her hands on his shoulders, she spread her feet either side of his knees, applying just enough pressure, encouraging him to continue. “Is there?”
He looked down at the torn book, where it lay forgotten on the cold, stone floor. Swallowing hard, he looked up again into her defiant brown eyes. She gave him a warm smile and used the back of her hand to stroke his jaw line. Turning her hand over, she cupped his chin firmly and tilted his head up.
Her expression hardened. “I asked you a question. Is there more you need to tell me?” she scolded.
Excited and aroused by her show of power, he released the words he had dreamed of saying for so very long.
“Yes, Mistress.”
10. Rosmerta’s fingers had just woven themselves into his hair when suddenly his teeth nipped her roughly. “Ow,” she blurted. Good grief.
He stopped and smugly said, “More where that came from, I assure you.”
That’s what I’m afraid of! “Bloody hell,” she said as his lips forcefully sucked on her nipple, teeth gnashing at her flesh, making it feel as if it were being grated with a Muggle device that shredded cheese. “Oh!”
“Yes, yes,” he mumbled, mistaking her words for impatience, as he continued to work on her. His fingers were now sliding out and making a path up to her clitoris, giving it a healthy pinch.
“Severus,” she said, hoping he’d stop for a moment. “Ow.” What the hell is going on here? This can’t be Severus Snape.
Before she could tell him to stop, his thin body was nestled between her thighs again, and he was pushing back into her with abandon, filling her and making her moan with his initial thrust. He began a series of powerful plunges, bucking frantically and grunting each time his skin slapped against hers.
Instead of enjoying it, she could think of nothing but the way his limp hair had come to life, flaring out as he pulled back and hitting his face when he pushed in. For an entire minute, she simply laid back in shock and watched him moving against her. The only sounds in the room were his grunts and the hitting of his body against hers.
Here are the original rules for the challenge
One-Shot story only (at least 1000 words is only limit)
The pairing must be SS/HG (to be archived at Ashwinder or
the Petulant Poetess in special folders created specifically
for the challenge)
Post or Pre HBP (either acceptable)
No intentional errors / author’s notes this time (whew!)
Any genre allowed (We adore parodies.)
Any rating allowed
After the deadline has passed, we will have a vote on the stories.
The deadline will be April 1st since we are “fooling” around.
Tentative Premises (Not Mandatory-for ideas only):
1. Snape has shagged someone (We don’t care who it was.) and now
feels a bit lacking after his performance (for whatever reason).
He creates a potion to make him into a Sex!God (be it for endurance,
looks, lust, anything). No woman will be able to deny his skills at
the art of shagging after that. He decides to practice on Hermione.
2. The war is finally over, and Voldemort has been defeated. For
the first time in years, Severus has the time to take a good look at
himself-inside and/or outside, and he doesn’t like what he sees. What
does he decide to do about it, and how shall he accomplish it?
3. Severus has just created a Viagra Potion, but bloody hell…
He shouldn’t have tested it on himself.