medical mystery tour is coming to take me away

[quirkies]

The one thing I know right now is that nobody knows what I'm incubating, I'm having surgery soonish and I'll lose my belly button in the process. I know it's a cosmetic thing but belly-button-lessness is bothering me more than I can account for. It's not like I was using it anyway, but there's something human I feel like I'm losing. I haven't been

Comments

[embroiderama]

Aw crap, that sucks. :( *hugs*

But you should totally rock your bodmod of choice.

[quirkies]

hee! it's important to have something to look forward to in every scenario.
*basks in the hugs*

[elanurel]

After my surgery, I didn't have a belly button. My scab was such that no one was sure whether or not it would come back. I mourned the loss of my belly button as much as I mourned the loss of my hair and the foods I could no longer eat. I even wrote a post about it.

You put it exactly the way I would have: you're losing a part of yourself that makes you, well, you to something stupid and random and alien itself. The loss of control cam be overwhelming...

But do they know if it is malignant?

And you should know I'll be right here with you every step of the way, regardless.

[quirkies]

Thank you! &hearts
Loss of control is exactly right. Nothing has really happened yet, but I'm already feeling like I can't plan even the simplest things. They can't tell whether or not it's malignant (growth rate points to yes, but shape points to no) so the surgeon is consulting with an oncologist to figure out how soon they need to schedule The Procedure.
And the belly-button thing! I know it's silly, but I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm more than 2 standard deviations from the norm. Not in a superior way, but in an alien disconnected way. So losing something that's symbolically a universally human quirk, it grates. You know? But the antidote is simple: connecting, talking, enjoying art that resonates.
*ginormous hugs*

[elanurel]

See, and the waiting will kill you, too. Because not only can you not control the whole damn thing, you have to wait until someone - not you - comes up with a plan on how to deal with what it may or may not be. I always feel like I'm floating in this little pool of water and there are things out there with sticks pushing me in different directions when I get too close to finally climbing out.

The belly button thing is most emphatically not silly. It's one of those things that we completely take for granted, like having eyelashes. And it is hard when you don't feel like you're a societal norm to begin with. I get that because that's been how I've felt about myself during my entire life, especially before the bipolar disorder was under control. Cancer has taught me not to take anything for granted, especially the little things. Because, really, it's the little things that make you, well, you.

I am so keeping my fingers crossed that it's not malignant. If you'd like, I can give you some tests to ask your doctor about. I didn

[quirkies]

Branni! I'm still doing the waiting thing but have another CT scheduled for next week. After talking to an oncologist my guy is now talking biopsy too but I want this thing out already! I would love to hear your advice and what kind of tests are usual. I get good medical research info and big-picture stuff from my dad, and though he is kind and attentive it's not quite the patient's perspective. My next face-to-face with the doc is next Friday, do you think I could pick your brain before then?
I'm so proud of you! &hearts