The one thing I know right now is that nobody knows what I'm incubating, I'm having surgery soonish and I'll lose my belly button in the process. I know it's a cosmetic thing but belly-button-lessness is bothering me more than I can account for. It's not like I was using it anyway, but there's something human I feel like I'm losing. I haven't been
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But you should totally rock your bodmod of choice.
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*basks in the hugs*
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You put it exactly the way I would have: you're losing a part of yourself that makes you, well, you to something stupid and random and alien itself. The loss of control cam be overwhelming...
But do they know if it is malignant?
And you should know I'll be right here with you every step of the way, regardless.
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Loss of control is exactly right. Nothing has really happened yet, but I'm already feeling like I can't plan even the simplest things. They can't tell whether or not it's malignant (growth rate points to yes, but shape points to no) so the surgeon is consulting with an oncologist to figure out how soon they need to schedule The Procedure.
And the belly-button thing! I know it's silly, but I spend a lot of time feeling like I'm more than 2 standard deviations from the norm. Not in a superior way, but in an alien disconnected way. So losing something that's symbolically a universally human quirk, it grates. You know? But the antidote is simple: connecting, talking, enjoying art that resonates.
*ginormous hugs*
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The belly button thing is most emphatically not silly. It's one of those things that we completely take for granted, like having eyelashes. And it is hard when you don't feel like you're a societal norm to begin with. I get that because that's been how I've felt about myself during my entire life, especially before the bipolar disorder was under control. Cancer has taught me not to take anything for granted, especially the little things. Because, really, it's the little things that make you, well, you.
I am so keeping my fingers crossed that it's not malignant. If you'd like, I can give you some tests to ask your doctor about. I didn ( ... )
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I'm so proud of you! &hearts
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