December Wind [Tenipuri; TezuFuji]
title: December Wind
author: yumeyana
fandom: Tennis no Oujisama
pairing: Fuji/Tezuka
genre: drama, angst
rating: pg-13
summary: He knows where my heart is. True, Fuji knows. And he also knows that it is nowhere near the tensai wants it to be.
crossposted @ potfics, tenipuri_yaoi, tenipuri, tezukafuji and @ quilled_dreams where is sleeps.
Author’s Notes: It is one of those times when I should be doing a lot of things except writing a fanfic. But as usual, I dump all the other things and write. Hehe.
Dedication: To simply_kim, bluecircles, dapit_hapon, Shiela and Berna: thank you so much; words do only little justice to the warmth of the friendship you give me. And also to that one person who - perhaps - will never know what it felt like, I love you.
Disclaimers: Tennis no Oujisama and all its characters belong to Konomi-sensei. Only the plot is mine.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December Wind
He knows where my heart is.
Laughter escapes my lips. Perhaps this is how all those girls feel after confessing their feelings to someone they love. The thought that passes my head somehow makes me feel guilty since I have turned down a lot of them in the past. Is this karma?
Eiji briefly hugs me, comforting me. I know he must feel sorry for me; I have been rejected after all. But I just shrug and smile - it is nothing. I’ve expected it, I tell him. He looks at me as if wanting to do more than give me a hug.
But I close my eyes and smile.
He knows where my heart is.
It is true. I have been prepared for it as long as I can even remember. I think I’ve practiced how it would all work out - or not - and know how I should react. I have memorized every thought, every line. It is almost as if there is a recording in my head and all it does is repeat the same scene, the same line over and over again.
And yet, why does it seem that I have not done anything at all?
My heart is breaking. My face muscles are aching because my smile is more forced than usual. These closed eyes are not preventing anything but tears from falling. I can feel my strength slowly diminishing; little by little, I am crumbling inside. It is as though I am already empty and yet there is still something sucking the life out of me.
The world continues to move without me.
He knows where my heart is.
I shake my head. This is the advantage of being one of those people who is allowed to get close to him; I get to know things that most people don’t. He trusts me with secrets he’d rather keep, with dreams he has always wanted to accomplish.
Yet with Tezuka, this advantage can also serve as a disadvantage.
His obliviousness toward all my advances is both frustrating and cute. Some part of me wishes that I was there to capture that moment in film - that moment when Eiji suddenly blurted out that I’ve always been serious about him. It would’ve won an award and perhaps could’ve made a lot of money as well.
Perhaps I should be angry at Eiji but I don’t feel anything close to that. There is this feeling of relief - at least I don’t have to go through with the whole confession thing by myself. At least I won’t have to show this face to him - this fake smile and fake way of accepting the truth.
He knows where my heart is.
I know. And I am sure that most of Tokyo knows it as well. It is tennis now and still tennis when the sun rises tomorrow. No matter how much I hoped it would change and that somehow you would find it in your heart to put a little space there for something - or perhaps, someone else - it is useless.
I will never win against tennis.
He knows where my heart is.
I can hear his voice. It resonates in my ears as if I had been present when he said those words. They are imprinted in my head and in my heart, taunting me like a reality I can never escape from. Tasting like the bitter medicine one has no choice but to take.
Tezuka’s heart is nowhere near mine.
He knows where my heart is.
Somehow, it sounds more like the cold December breeze passing through me.
And it is only September.
xxx
11:05pm
02Oct06
author: yumeyana
fandom: Tennis no Oujisama
pairing: Fuji/Tezuka
genre: drama, angst
rating: pg-13
summary: He knows where my heart is. True, Fuji knows. And he also knows that it is nowhere near the tensai wants it to be.
crossposted @ potfics, tenipuri_yaoi, tenipuri, tezukafuji and @ quilled_dreams where is sleeps.
Author’s Notes: It is one of those times when I should be doing a lot of things except writing a fanfic. But as usual, I dump all the other things and write. Hehe.
Dedication: To simply_kim, bluecircles, dapit_hapon, Shiela and Berna: thank you so much; words do only little justice to the warmth of the friendship you give me. And also to that one person who - perhaps - will never know what it felt like, I love you.
Disclaimers: Tennis no Oujisama and all its characters belong to Konomi-sensei. Only the plot is mine.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December Wind
He knows where my heart is.
Laughter escapes my lips. Perhaps this is how all those girls feel after confessing their feelings to someone they love. The thought that passes my head somehow makes me feel guilty since I have turned down a lot of them in the past. Is this karma?
Eiji briefly hugs me, comforting me. I know he must feel sorry for me; I have been rejected after all. But I just shrug and smile - it is nothing. I’ve expected it, I tell him. He looks at me as if wanting to do more than give me a hug.
But I close my eyes and smile.
He knows where my heart is.
It is true. I have been prepared for it as long as I can even remember. I think I’ve practiced how it would all work out - or not - and know how I should react. I have memorized every thought, every line. It is almost as if there is a recording in my head and all it does is repeat the same scene, the same line over and over again.
And yet, why does it seem that I have not done anything at all?
My heart is breaking. My face muscles are aching because my smile is more forced than usual. These closed eyes are not preventing anything but tears from falling. I can feel my strength slowly diminishing; little by little, I am crumbling inside. It is as though I am already empty and yet there is still something sucking the life out of me.
The world continues to move without me.
He knows where my heart is.
I shake my head. This is the advantage of being one of those people who is allowed to get close to him; I get to know things that most people don’t. He trusts me with secrets he’d rather keep, with dreams he has always wanted to accomplish.
Yet with Tezuka, this advantage can also serve as a disadvantage.
His obliviousness toward all my advances is both frustrating and cute. Some part of me wishes that I was there to capture that moment in film - that moment when Eiji suddenly blurted out that I’ve always been serious about him. It would’ve won an award and perhaps could’ve made a lot of money as well.
Perhaps I should be angry at Eiji but I don’t feel anything close to that. There is this feeling of relief - at least I don’t have to go through with the whole confession thing by myself. At least I won’t have to show this face to him - this fake smile and fake way of accepting the truth.
He knows where my heart is.
I know. And I am sure that most of Tokyo knows it as well. It is tennis now and still tennis when the sun rises tomorrow. No matter how much I hoped it would change and that somehow you would find it in your heart to put a little space there for something - or perhaps, someone else - it is useless.
I will never win against tennis.
He knows where my heart is.
I can hear his voice. It resonates in my ears as if I had been present when he said those words. They are imprinted in my head and in my heart, taunting me like a reality I can never escape from. Tasting like the bitter medicine one has no choice but to take.
Tezuka’s heart is nowhere near mine.
He knows where my heart is.
Somehow, it sounds more like the cold December breeze passing through me.
And it is only September.
xxx
11:05pm
02Oct06