Fic: calm before the storm
A/N: A Ficlet of something. I dont even know what this is. Set just before the performance of 'Born this way."
Santana Centric, Quinn
Summary: 'Santana wants to get away from this conversation. It's too random and it's making her think about things."
--
Santana doesn't really know how it happened. This mess, that is.
She'd spent her life making calculated decisions. Always planning and scheming, as though she had some great master plan that she had to abide by. As though she knew exactly what she wanted the whole time and was just being amazingly ambitious. Santana was always the brains behind the operation, the operation being getting what she wanted. Everything had a reason, everything was intricately planned and even if it was just for her own personal gain (It always was, it seemed.) Santana prided herself on her ability to get stuff done.
That's why Santana doesn't really know how it happened. Every move she made was for something bigger, something better. But now, looking back the biggest and best thing about her life wasn't Cheerios, it wasn't being popular or filling her role as resident bitch. it was her, dammit.
So Santana finds herself looking back on every moment trying to find something, anything that would let her understand what the hell she's been doing this whole time. First she sleeps with Finn, then pushes Brittany right into the arms of a cripple, dates Sam and somehow out of all it she lost the only thing that mattered. Right now, it feels like every plan, every decision was the wrong one.
Karofsky is gross, she agrees. But she likes having someone on her team. They can relate, they both lash out because they're afraid of something that's out of their control. But even he was just another power play.
She's spent her whole life playing some game, expecting to get some big prize and now here she is - with nothing but her 'vicious, vicious' words.
And now Brittany is even more angry at her because she just doesn't understand how hard this is. She can't just say it and then everything will be okay. It's not that simple. So for the first time in her life, Santana has no plan. Nothing but mistakes and longing and a whole ton of confusion.
"Santana?" A low voice breaks her train of thought
"What do you want, Caboosey?"
"You've been staring at your locker for like 20 minutes. Just making sure you hadn't fallen asleep or something." Quinn is staring at her with something like pity and it's so stupid because Baby Mama is feeling sorry for her and the world is so upside down she thinks she might throw up.
"Of course not. I was just... You know what, I don't have to explain myself to you! " She opens her locker just for something to do, she's pretty sure she already got her books out.
"Right. So you were just staring at your locker because you wanted to test your physic abilities. Sorry, Lopez - lockers need combos." Quinn is smirking and she's looking so smug and Santana hates that smile because everything is going to shit and she's the only one who feels like the world has imploded.
"When did you get so witty? Could've used some of this Smart ass when Puck said spread your legs." Low blow, she knows. But low blows are all she has these days and she can't be bothered to come up with anything more relevent because Quinn has Finn and she hates everyone.
"Okay, i'm done trying to speak to you. If i wanted to get abused i would've gone to Coach Sylvester." Quinn sighs and starts to walk away.
"Wait, What did you want?" Santana calls after her but Quinn keeps walking
"Fabray! Give it up! I'm sorry, okay." Santana relents and as Quinn turns back to her she's still slightly confused as to why she's the one apologising.
"I just wanted to say. That in the spirit of acceptance and what not that I'm tired of being horrible to each other. I still kind of hate you but i'm just tired of it all, S." Quinn hasn't called Santana that in a very long time and it takes her back to before. Before Glee club, when it was just Quinn and Brittany and the only thing that mattered was popularity. Santana is the first to admit that that was a pretty shallow existence but Brittany was by her side and she knew who she was, at least.
Whether or not she likes it, Quinn has been there for a long time. They were never that close, there was too much competition for that. But Quinn has been a big part of everything and despite all their differences and conflict, Quinn has been there. Besides, she needs all the friends she can get and Quinn is one of the more intelligent ones.
"Truce?"
Quinn nods "Truce." She starts to walk away again but Santana stops her
"What brought this on?.... if this is for Prom votes or something-"
"No. It's not, really. I'm trying something new. I don't want to be that Quinn anymore." Quinn is looking at Santana but Santana gets the feeling that her head is somewhere completely different. She would care, maybe, if she wasn't so consumed with her own identity crisis.
"Well, okay." Santana isn't good with feelings. That's her whole damn problem.
"We all need to just be ourselves. Whoever that may be." Quinn is looking at her weird and her mind jumps straight to the white t-shirt sitting in her locker.
A barb comparing Quinn to Mr Schue jumps into her throat and she's about to sneer but she remembers the whole truce agreement that just happened and so she just raises an eyebrow, thoroughly confused.
"Sure thing, Lucy." Santana wants to get away from this conversation, it's too random and its making her think about things and Quinn has that stupid face that says ' I know everything."
Quinn just smiles. "I prefer Quinn." WIth that final thought, she turns and struts down the hall way. Santana watches her, with her new found confidence as she tries to be 'the real her'. It sounds like a good idea, in theory. But shit has gotten so tangled that Santana doesnt think that putting on a t-shirt and sining about it will fix much of anything.
She can't. She just can't.
But as she watches Quinn or Lucy or whoever that girl is round the corner, her mind turns to that shirt sitting in her locker.
One day, maybe.
Santana Centric, Quinn
Summary: 'Santana wants to get away from this conversation. It's too random and it's making her think about things."
--
Santana doesn't really know how it happened. This mess, that is.
She'd spent her life making calculated decisions. Always planning and scheming, as though she had some great master plan that she had to abide by. As though she knew exactly what she wanted the whole time and was just being amazingly ambitious. Santana was always the brains behind the operation, the operation being getting what she wanted. Everything had a reason, everything was intricately planned and even if it was just for her own personal gain (It always was, it seemed.) Santana prided herself on her ability to get stuff done.
That's why Santana doesn't really know how it happened. Every move she made was for something bigger, something better. But now, looking back the biggest and best thing about her life wasn't Cheerios, it wasn't being popular or filling her role as resident bitch. it was her, dammit.
So Santana finds herself looking back on every moment trying to find something, anything that would let her understand what the hell she's been doing this whole time. First she sleeps with Finn, then pushes Brittany right into the arms of a cripple, dates Sam and somehow out of all it she lost the only thing that mattered. Right now, it feels like every plan, every decision was the wrong one.
Karofsky is gross, she agrees. But she likes having someone on her team. They can relate, they both lash out because they're afraid of something that's out of their control. But even he was just another power play.
She's spent her whole life playing some game, expecting to get some big prize and now here she is - with nothing but her 'vicious, vicious' words.
And now Brittany is even more angry at her because she just doesn't understand how hard this is. She can't just say it and then everything will be okay. It's not that simple. So for the first time in her life, Santana has no plan. Nothing but mistakes and longing and a whole ton of confusion.
"Santana?" A low voice breaks her train of thought
"What do you want, Caboosey?"
"You've been staring at your locker for like 20 minutes. Just making sure you hadn't fallen asleep or something." Quinn is staring at her with something like pity and it's so stupid because Baby Mama is feeling sorry for her and the world is so upside down she thinks she might throw up.
"Of course not. I was just... You know what, I don't have to explain myself to you! " She opens her locker just for something to do, she's pretty sure she already got her books out.
"Right. So you were just staring at your locker because you wanted to test your physic abilities. Sorry, Lopez - lockers need combos." Quinn is smirking and she's looking so smug and Santana hates that smile because everything is going to shit and she's the only one who feels like the world has imploded.
"When did you get so witty? Could've used some of this Smart ass when Puck said spread your legs." Low blow, she knows. But low blows are all she has these days and she can't be bothered to come up with anything more relevent because Quinn has Finn and she hates everyone.
"Okay, i'm done trying to speak to you. If i wanted to get abused i would've gone to Coach Sylvester." Quinn sighs and starts to walk away.
"Wait, What did you want?" Santana calls after her but Quinn keeps walking
"Fabray! Give it up! I'm sorry, okay." Santana relents and as Quinn turns back to her she's still slightly confused as to why she's the one apologising.
"I just wanted to say. That in the spirit of acceptance and what not that I'm tired of being horrible to each other. I still kind of hate you but i'm just tired of it all, S." Quinn hasn't called Santana that in a very long time and it takes her back to before. Before Glee club, when it was just Quinn and Brittany and the only thing that mattered was popularity. Santana is the first to admit that that was a pretty shallow existence but Brittany was by her side and she knew who she was, at least.
Whether or not she likes it, Quinn has been there for a long time. They were never that close, there was too much competition for that. But Quinn has been a big part of everything and despite all their differences and conflict, Quinn has been there. Besides, she needs all the friends she can get and Quinn is one of the more intelligent ones.
"Truce?"
Quinn nods "Truce." She starts to walk away again but Santana stops her
"What brought this on?.... if this is for Prom votes or something-"
"No. It's not, really. I'm trying something new. I don't want to be that Quinn anymore." Quinn is looking at Santana but Santana gets the feeling that her head is somewhere completely different. She would care, maybe, if she wasn't so consumed with her own identity crisis.
"Well, okay." Santana isn't good with feelings. That's her whole damn problem.
"We all need to just be ourselves. Whoever that may be." Quinn is looking at her weird and her mind jumps straight to the white t-shirt sitting in her locker.
A barb comparing Quinn to Mr Schue jumps into her throat and she's about to sneer but she remembers the whole truce agreement that just happened and so she just raises an eyebrow, thoroughly confused.
"Sure thing, Lucy." Santana wants to get away from this conversation, it's too random and its making her think about things and Quinn has that stupid face that says ' I know everything."
Quinn just smiles. "I prefer Quinn." WIth that final thought, she turns and struts down the hall way. Santana watches her, with her new found confidence as she tries to be 'the real her'. It sounds like a good idea, in theory. But shit has gotten so tangled that Santana doesnt think that putting on a t-shirt and sining about it will fix much of anything.
She can't. She just can't.
But as she watches Quinn or Lucy or whoever that girl is round the corner, her mind turns to that shirt sitting in her locker.
One day, maybe.