a different kind of crazy (2min)
TITLE A Different Kind of Crazy 29/?
SUMMARY Taemin's never been one to care about what's right or wrong. He doesn't think about things like what's accepted and what's not. He wants what he wants, but it's not always a walk in the park.
CHARACTERS/PAIRINGS [SHINee] Taemin centric. Minho/Taemin, Jonghyun/Key. (f(x) & 2PM & etc cameos)
RATING/WARNING R. Mention and use of drugs. Mild violence. References to self-harm and mental disorders.
GENRE Drama/romance/coming-of-age
1 2 3 4 5 6 ♥ 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 minholude 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 mlude 2 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
AN: I listened to Missing; The xx on repeat while writing this chapter. IDK, it influenced the outcome, I think.
a different kind of crazy;
The normalcy is strange--ironic as it is. Taemin's gotten used to the chaos running rampant in his life, in often colorful and provocative ways. It's easy to forget the mediocrity he comes from; the old systems of education, photography, dance, whittling away at home, and hanging out with Kibum on the weekends. Looking back on it, Taemin can't decide if he misses those simpler times, or if he regrets spending them so frivolously; then again, he has to ask himself what he thinks he's doing now. But he's never been any good at retrospection or, for that matter, considering the consequences of the choices he's making in the present.
Taemin's been back in class for only a few days, but he's still making up for lost time. He has missed all the days he's allowed to take off without accounting for an ISS, and while he doesn't really care either way, his mother didn't need any more reasons to come barking up his tree.
"Lighten up." Kibum's in a good mood, and he's never been one to allow others to bring the atmosphere down--not even one decibel. "Tomorrow is the eve of new years eve." he says cheerfully. "Meaning it's the night you go out and party because everything is open and no one is going to get in your way."
Taemin has to laugh at that. "You've got something planned?"
"Planned?" Kibum guffaws at him. "Who needs plans to have an adventure. Actually, I don't think adventures are usually planned."
"What's the plan, then?" Jonghyun looks up from his calculus homework, spread out on the club table.
"Were you even listening to what I just said?" Kibum reprimands.
Jonghyun flips his pencil around in his hand. "Adventures always start with a plan." he says, "But they don't usually go as planned."
"Point made." Kibum will give that much to him. "The plan is this--actually, wait, where's Eunsook? She's past late."
"Incheon with family." Jonghyun replies, erasing something furiously.
"Ugh." Kibum drawls out the syllables in an obnoxious tone, sinking back onto his chair with annoyed force. "She's never free on new years." Kibum turns his intense gaze to Taemin. "What about Minho? He seems to have all the connections. Or Krystal, right? Actually hold on, I have her number."
Jonghyun's expression mutates into something disgusted. "Why do you have that nutbag's digits?"
"Cool your jets." Kibum is deftly typing on his phone. "Just because somebody has unresolved jealousy issues does not mean I am forfeit from befriending their enemies. How does the saying go? Keep your friends close, your enemies closer? Maybe you should take some advice from the ancients."
"Ancients?" Jonghyun scoffs. "I told you it has nothing to do with that. She hates on me for no reason. Eunsook and I have been broken up for almost a year!" Jonghyun throws his pencil at Kibum, who deflects it much to everyone's surprise.
"I repeat, unresolved." Kibum replies, snapping his phone shut with fanfare. "Maybe you both need some closure. New year's the perfect time to start fresh."
Taemin watches the exchange in silence; had he not known of Krystal's affections for Eunsook, Jonghyun's agitated response would have flown right over his head. And he would have let it, carelessly. He doesn't realize the frown that's overtaken his face until Kibum points it out for him.
"You're going to get wrinkles young if you keep looking like that." he says. "Do you have any objections?"
Taemin's already told Kibum pretty much every aspect of the past few days of his life, including his first trip to shroomland. His response had been a surprised laugh and a pat on the back. Kibum was a horrible influence in and of himself.
Taemin shrugs. "I've got nothing planned."
"I hate how that word takes all the spontaneity out of life." Kibum sighs.
"Seriously?" Jonghyun shoots back. "I take offense to that."
"What say you, Taemin?" Kibum looks to him for an outsider's perspective. "You never know what's going to happen next with Minho, do you? That keeps it exciting, right?"
"Er," Taemin feels a little awkward being roped into this conversation, which seems to be taking a personal tone. "I guess?"
"Useless." Kibum shakes his head, though he's only joking.
"Fine." Jonghyun gives up on his homework, shoving it haplessly back into his bag. "You want an adventure? I had this idea, anyway. I just wanted to plan it out properly."
Kibum jerks his chin at Taemin while Jonghyun is distracted and winks at him. Of course. Taemin hides his smile with his hand. Kibum's up to something--rather, he's just succeeded.
"Jonghyun's a rich bitch, did you know that?" Kibum stage whispers. Taemin sort of had a feeling, considering his designer wardrobe and plethora of expensive gadgets. "And he just got his boating license yesterday. You see where I'm going with this?"
"You have a boat?" Taemin hadn't been expecting that.
"Here's the plan." Jonghyun nods, trying to hide a self-satisfied smirk. "BYOB, Krystal is not invited, and meet me at the docks at 10pm sharp. I have to sneak the keys from my mom's room after she passes out in drunken stupor."
"You have a boat?" Taemin repeats himself, still shocked.
"To be more precise, a yacht." Jonghyun grins at him. "It's an heirloom sort of thing. Been in the family for almost forty years."
Kibum jumps up with a whoop. "Han river joy ride here I come!"
And that's how Taemin finds himself in the blustering cold of the riverbank shores next to a rocking yacht, large enough for fifteen or more people. Kibum's yelling something over at Jonghyun, who's got a flashlight on while he fiddles with the ropes, and Minho's making his way down the dock with that tall Chansung chap in tow.
Jonghyun seems to recognize him. "Glad you could make it!"
Chansung hoists himself over the ladder and onto the deck, offering a helping hand to Jonghyun. "I never thought I'd see the day you did something so outrageous."
"It's a new year. Well, almost." Jonghyun chuckles back. "Never too late to live a little, so they say."
"Do they know each other?" Taemin asks Minho when he comes to stand beside him, pulling him into a sideways hug.
"Chansung and Jonghyun? Well, considering Chansung is Eunsook's closest cousin, I'd say they do."
"Victoria and her boyfriend are always late." Jonghyun mumbles, shining the flashlight down the dock a few feet, where none other than Krystal and Hyoyeon are ducking past the snoring night-guard--Jonghyun had reassured them that he was a drunkard who couldn't tell left from right let alone apprehend them for trespassing past hours.
"Why." is all Jonghyun can think to say.
Krystal beams cruelly up at him. "Kibummie told me you had something to say to me?"
Kibum shrugs when Jonghyun turns the flashlight to him with an accusatory glare. "The more the merrier?"
"Isn't this a little risky?" Taemin asks, just for the sake of his own sanity.
"Hardly." Jonghyun laughs, busy unknotting the last rope that tethers the boat in place. "I've been out nightfishing with my dad enough times to know what I'm doing. Besides," he gestures to himself, "Licensed. AKA awesome."
Hyoyeon seems to share Taemin's concern. "Just how illegal is this? Humor me."
"The more illegal it is, the more fun!" Krystal chimes, ever the giver of awful advice.
Jonghyun rolls his eyes. "The only illegal part of this is probably the fact we are all minors about to imbibe copious amounts of alcohol."
"On a boat." Chansung supplies cheerily.
"I'm not a minor." Hyoyeon states flatly.
Jonghyun jabs the flashlight at her in jest. "What's the worst thing that could happen? The guard wakes up and calls my mom, who's probably too wasted to give a fuck? Alcohol makes life easier in many ways."
"Sorry we're late!" Victoria's jogging up to the growing clique on the dock, with a sturdy fellow whom Taemin assumes is her boyfriend.
"You're always late." Jonghyun admonishes.
After a good number of Jonghyun's friends arrive, a few groups of twos and threes, all of people Taemin's never seen--not even in school--they set sail without a hitch, churning the delicate waves out towards the middle of the river. A few other boats are out and about, all distant twinkling lights in the dark of the evening. Music that is easy on the ears, with a smooth downbeat, floats throughout the yacht, seeming to reflect on the dull waters like a surround sound theatre.
It's relaxing, at first, to just lean over the railing and stare into the water. As cold as it is, the snow has already mostly melted away, and for the middle of the winter, it could almost be called warm. Perfect sailing weather, really. Taemin wonders why these things always seem to mesh together in just the right amounts; but he always thinks strange things like that once he's had a drink or two to heat him up from the inside out.
The yacht has ample deck space, but also a lofty interior, cushioned seats, a decently sized bar, and two round tables on either end of the staired alcove descending into its belly. In there, it's warm and the rock of the boat is lulling, despite the source of the music, bumping bass, and the chatter of a crowded room.
Taemin's wandering, though he's not really socializing much. He doesn't mind the fact that Minho's not constantly with him--he's used to the independence of their relationship, and that is something that has never much bothered him. It's the lack of emotion, he thinks to himself, that gets to him. Laughter at one of the tables draws him nearer--a center of activity where Krystal always seems to be at least part of the source. Cards are strewn about, reminiscent of some sixties parlor game that had made its way overseas from Europe.
"Wanna play?" one of the girls asks Taemin, scooting over to give him a seat on the booth. "Just slap when you see doubles, the rules are easy enough to figure out from playing."
Taemin knows this game. He's played it any number of times at school, and he prides himself in being pretty good at it. Kibum joins in a few minutes later, followed by Jonghyun, and he's collected a good amount of the deck by the time Minho saunters over, leaning over him and placing a drink in his hands. "Looks like you need a handicap."
"Tell me about it!" Jonghyun grumps from across the table. "Your reflexes are too much for this game."
"You only say that because you have two cards left." Kibum points out, the second contender to winning the game. Krystal has been out for the past few rounds, and amuses herself by smoking a cigarette, the smoke pilfering out through a jutted window behind her.
"I give up." Hyoyeon exclaims with a heavy sigh, tossing her cards onto the table; that seems to bring a sense of relief to the other players, who, Jonghyun included, announce their end games as well.
Kibum shakes his head dolefully. "You all suck. Tie, Taemin?"
Taemin shrugs. "If not, we'd probably be going back and forth all night." he takes a sip of the drink Minho had given him, leaning his head back and against his chest, peering up at him with a raised brow. "How about a gambling game?"
"Poker, huh?" Minho pulls out one of the emptied seats beside Taemin and begins collecting the cards. "Only if we play with real stakes."
"Did I hear poker?" Changsung grabs a seat. "Count me in. Money? Items? Clothes?"
"Clothes?" snickers Krystal. "It's too cold for that, dumbass."
"Anything goes." Victoria suggests, placing a couple of her bracelets on the table. "These are Swarovski crystals, by the way."
Minho seems pleased by that. Taemin's wondering if maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. He doesn't have anything to play by.
Kibum considers his options before placing his hat on the table amidst Victoria's bracelets. "It's resale Gucci, good enough?"
Minho tosses in his watch, Chansung his gold chain, Jonghyun his leather wallet (emptied, of course) and Krystal, who is probably the most adorned with expenses, laughs and gets up, rounding the table to lean between Taemin and Minho. Her manicured nails curl almost possessively around Taemin's shoulder as she whispers to him, "I've got something that can't be gambled with. Come on,"
Minho raises a brow at her and she just shrugs at him, pulling Taemin up with her. "Don't let her coerce you into anything stupid." he says.
Taemin's a little upset; he had hoped Minho would come up with a reason for him to stay. Even "Cheer for me!" would have sufficed. Miffed, he takes his drink and follows Krystal through the narrow hall beside the bar and into the tiny, empty bedroom chamber overlooking the river and the dim stars, hardly visible in the foggy air.
Once again Taemin finds himself confronted with the delicate and soft white powder he is pretty sure is cocaine, and Krystal's practiced movements in separating lines with a razorblade on the low table before them.
"No one's coercing you." Krystal says with a tip of her shoulder, leaning over and inhaling a line as easily as if she were sniffing a flower. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something."
Taemin leans back on the folding futon with a maudlin sigh. "Don't you think it's about time I start making my own decisions?"
Krystal blinks at him, surprised, and then lets out a gigantic laugh. "There's something special about you." she says with a twinkle in her eyes. "I just can't place my finger on it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Krystal hums, thoughtful. "Well, you're no idiot, right? But you just..." she pauses and finishes another line; six more sit one beside the other, glistening patiently. "You just don't know anything, do you?"
Krystal's knack for seeing the truth of matters has always slightly unnerved Taemin; he's beginning to suspect her hobby in meddling with other's affairs derives from her uncanny correctness--that she might not even realize. It's easier to say she's building a web of deceptions, because no one wants to hear the truth when it hurts. Not one human being would stand up to that willingly, prepared or not.
At least, that's how Taemin rationalizes it, contemplating his drink in momentary silence. Of course, Krystal's right. When it comes to Minho, he has no idea. He has no notion of what to expect, of any danger he might be in, or even if it really matters, in the end. But what is there to say that hasn't already been said?
Minho doesn't love him, does he? There's something solid and yet intangible standing in between them. Taemin doesn't understand it, and for all this time, he's been avoiding it; as if looking at Minho through a pane of glass. He's in another world so different from his own.
"No, I don't know." Taemin agrees with her. "I just feel like there's some sort of chasm between me and other people. It's not just Minho. I don't get it, but I have to figure it out."
"Maybe that's it." Krystal crosses her legs, sitting on the floor before the table. "You think everything is your problem?"
"What?"
"It's exactly what I said. You need a bridge, right? To get to other people, maybe to give them their problems back. You think too much, you know, and that's no good. Sometimes it's better not to think so much."
"I guess you're right."
Krystal chuckles. "Better than I don't know." she says, then hands him the straw she'd been using. "People say so many awful things about drugs." she goes on, pleased when Taemin takes the red and white striped plastic tube, rolling it about in his fingers. "Like, tobacco and marijuana are called gateway drugs. To what? Other drugs? I've never thought like that. I think they change the way you view the world, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes forever. You know what I mean?"
"Sort of." Taemin says, "But I can't just shake the stigma out of my head."
"I'm not asking you to. But I want you to see things in this perspective for once. This is Minho's world as much as it's mine. Did you know that? It shouldn't surprise you."
For some reason, hearing it out loud sort of does.
"I'm not into peer pressure." Krystal goes on, a familiar statement. Though it might be arguable, she's oddly convincing and her words seems effortless. She hasn't asked him, not yet, but Taemin knows she's going to. And he's not sure he's got the will to say no this time. "Do you have an addictive personality, Taemin?"
"I'd say it's the opposite." Taemin replies. He's never had a craving for the same thing twice; he'll cling to the emptiness rather than the substance. He's been that way for as long as he can remember. It's a lonely comfort, if anything.
"Well, this might be the bridge you're looking for. Take a trip on the other side and see how you like it."
"What is this?" Taemin asks her, a final procrastination before he takes the dive.
"Coke and Molly--that's pure ecstasy, by the way. MDMA. It's legit."
And that's that. One or two lines, one time couldn't hurt anything; Taemin's been pushed off the edge and free-falling for quite some time now. He needs somewhere to land. It stings, just a bit, but the feeling is not altogether unpleasant. In fact, the results hit him almost simultaneously. The world beings to pulse do the down-tempo beats echoing throughout the yacht.
"It's nice, isn't it?" Krystal's voice blends with the melody of the music, perfect in pitch. The sway of the boat feels like he's flying to another space; somewhere where rules don't matter--where nothing does.
"If only life felt this easy all the time." Taemin sighs. "Love, too."
"Do you know what love is? Really?" Krystal asks him. Her form is bright and vivid and even though she is feet away from him, Taemin swears he can feel her warmth. "I had to figure it out when I was really young, you see. I didn't have much of a choice. But that's no big deal. I'm glad I did."
"Why?" Taemin's not sure why he asks. "I mean, what do you think love is, then?"
"Love is a lot of different things. There's a lot of different kinds of love." Krystal replies, pulling herself up to sit beside Taemin. "There's first love, there's the love between friends, there's painful and horrible love, there's even the love for inanimate objects. I guess I'm kind of a hippie when it comes to how I see love, yeah? Love is all and all is love, that kind of thing."
"If that's so, then there wouldn't be different types. Everything should be loved equally."
"Maybe." Krystal smiles. "Or is that miss Molly talking?"
Taemin's felt something similar to this before; an overwhelming sensory projection, combined with the righteous feeling that he holds an endless supply of power within himself. Similar to how he'd felt on the rooftop, or that night he spent with Minho afterwards.
Krystal's closing in on him, and it's making him feel claustrophobic, but in a thrilling way. She says, "I hope you don't mind. I just want you to know there are options." before she kisses him, lush and languid and incredibly skilled.
Taemin misses the dark look to her eyes, that same unruly candor in her voice; something sideways and scatty. He can't quite put a word to it, or even a feeling. It feels good, Krystal's mouth against his, warm and wet, and her thin legs spreading to fit into his lap, her sharp nails pulling at the skin against his neck. It should feel wrong too, but there's a vibrant absence of anything real; like this is all a dream and Taemin's not really making a mistake or doing anything untoward. The thoughts barely cross his mind, he's got physicalities to focus on.
And it's perfection, even in that horrifying moment, when the door is opened and Minho catches them. Beautifully cliche, Taemin can't really feel the pain or the pleasure, he only sees the bright lights of a missed opportunity blazing behind his eyes.
They regard each other, with Krystal in between them, no excuses on her lips, and nothing to be said on Taemin's part. He can't read Minho's expression, save the minute flash of disbelief, and the door is shut tight, into darkness. Minho had flipped the switch on his world.
Krystal begins to laugh. "That ought to teach him." she says.
Taemin stares up at the mahogany ceiling. He's overcome by this numbness, an inability to process how much of a fool he'd just been--or maybe he's always been.
What now? he thinks.
What now.
previous | next
note; Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what? I didn't plan this. AT ALL. It just happened. These characters do what they want. Apparently, that means being completely cliche and idiotic sometimes. Woeeeee.
Regardless, I do have an overall outline for this fic, and I've been following it for a couple months now. It takes side-trips sometimes, but ultimately, follows the flow I have planned out for it. I just let the whims run their course. ~o~ I HOPE to have this fic finished by the end of the year, but no promises there. ~
I should probably run away now. /dashes off
SUMMARY Taemin's never been one to care about what's right or wrong. He doesn't think about things like what's accepted and what's not. He wants what he wants, but it's not always a walk in the park.
CHARACTERS/PAIRINGS [SHINee] Taemin centric. Minho/Taemin, Jonghyun/Key. (f(x) & 2PM & etc cameos)
RATING/WARNING R. Mention and use of drugs. Mild violence. References to self-harm and mental disorders.
GENRE Drama/romance/coming-of-age
1 2 3 4 5 6 ♥ 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 minholude 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 mlude 2 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
AN: I listened to Missing; The xx on repeat while writing this chapter. IDK, it influenced the outcome, I think.
a different kind of crazy;
The normalcy is strange--ironic as it is. Taemin's gotten used to the chaos running rampant in his life, in often colorful and provocative ways. It's easy to forget the mediocrity he comes from; the old systems of education, photography, dance, whittling away at home, and hanging out with Kibum on the weekends. Looking back on it, Taemin can't decide if he misses those simpler times, or if he regrets spending them so frivolously; then again, he has to ask himself what he thinks he's doing now. But he's never been any good at retrospection or, for that matter, considering the consequences of the choices he's making in the present.
Taemin's been back in class for only a few days, but he's still making up for lost time. He has missed all the days he's allowed to take off without accounting for an ISS, and while he doesn't really care either way, his mother didn't need any more reasons to come barking up his tree.
"Lighten up." Kibum's in a good mood, and he's never been one to allow others to bring the atmosphere down--not even one decibel. "Tomorrow is the eve of new years eve." he says cheerfully. "Meaning it's the night you go out and party because everything is open and no one is going to get in your way."
Taemin has to laugh at that. "You've got something planned?"
"Planned?" Kibum guffaws at him. "Who needs plans to have an adventure. Actually, I don't think adventures are usually planned."
"What's the plan, then?" Jonghyun looks up from his calculus homework, spread out on the club table.
"Were you even listening to what I just said?" Kibum reprimands.
Jonghyun flips his pencil around in his hand. "Adventures always start with a plan." he says, "But they don't usually go as planned."
"Point made." Kibum will give that much to him. "The plan is this--actually, wait, where's Eunsook? She's past late."
"Incheon with family." Jonghyun replies, erasing something furiously.
"Ugh." Kibum drawls out the syllables in an obnoxious tone, sinking back onto his chair with annoyed force. "She's never free on new years." Kibum turns his intense gaze to Taemin. "What about Minho? He seems to have all the connections. Or Krystal, right? Actually hold on, I have her number."
Jonghyun's expression mutates into something disgusted. "Why do you have that nutbag's digits?"
"Cool your jets." Kibum is deftly typing on his phone. "Just because somebody has unresolved jealousy issues does not mean I am forfeit from befriending their enemies. How does the saying go? Keep your friends close, your enemies closer? Maybe you should take some advice from the ancients."
"Ancients?" Jonghyun scoffs. "I told you it has nothing to do with that. She hates on me for no reason. Eunsook and I have been broken up for almost a year!" Jonghyun throws his pencil at Kibum, who deflects it much to everyone's surprise.
"I repeat, unresolved." Kibum replies, snapping his phone shut with fanfare. "Maybe you both need some closure. New year's the perfect time to start fresh."
Taemin watches the exchange in silence; had he not known of Krystal's affections for Eunsook, Jonghyun's agitated response would have flown right over his head. And he would have let it, carelessly. He doesn't realize the frown that's overtaken his face until Kibum points it out for him.
"You're going to get wrinkles young if you keep looking like that." he says. "Do you have any objections?"
Taemin's already told Kibum pretty much every aspect of the past few days of his life, including his first trip to shroomland. His response had been a surprised laugh and a pat on the back. Kibum was a horrible influence in and of himself.
Taemin shrugs. "I've got nothing planned."
"I hate how that word takes all the spontaneity out of life." Kibum sighs.
"Seriously?" Jonghyun shoots back. "I take offense to that."
"What say you, Taemin?" Kibum looks to him for an outsider's perspective. "You never know what's going to happen next with Minho, do you? That keeps it exciting, right?"
"Er," Taemin feels a little awkward being roped into this conversation, which seems to be taking a personal tone. "I guess?"
"Useless." Kibum shakes his head, though he's only joking.
"Fine." Jonghyun gives up on his homework, shoving it haplessly back into his bag. "You want an adventure? I had this idea, anyway. I just wanted to plan it out properly."
Kibum jerks his chin at Taemin while Jonghyun is distracted and winks at him. Of course. Taemin hides his smile with his hand. Kibum's up to something--rather, he's just succeeded.
"Jonghyun's a rich bitch, did you know that?" Kibum stage whispers. Taemin sort of had a feeling, considering his designer wardrobe and plethora of expensive gadgets. "And he just got his boating license yesterday. You see where I'm going with this?"
"You have a boat?" Taemin hadn't been expecting that.
"Here's the plan." Jonghyun nods, trying to hide a self-satisfied smirk. "BYOB, Krystal is not invited, and meet me at the docks at 10pm sharp. I have to sneak the keys from my mom's room after she passes out in drunken stupor."
"You have a boat?" Taemin repeats himself, still shocked.
"To be more precise, a yacht." Jonghyun grins at him. "It's an heirloom sort of thing. Been in the family for almost forty years."
Kibum jumps up with a whoop. "Han river joy ride here I come!"
And that's how Taemin finds himself in the blustering cold of the riverbank shores next to a rocking yacht, large enough for fifteen or more people. Kibum's yelling something over at Jonghyun, who's got a flashlight on while he fiddles with the ropes, and Minho's making his way down the dock with that tall Chansung chap in tow.
Jonghyun seems to recognize him. "Glad you could make it!"
Chansung hoists himself over the ladder and onto the deck, offering a helping hand to Jonghyun. "I never thought I'd see the day you did something so outrageous."
"It's a new year. Well, almost." Jonghyun chuckles back. "Never too late to live a little, so they say."
"Do they know each other?" Taemin asks Minho when he comes to stand beside him, pulling him into a sideways hug.
"Chansung and Jonghyun? Well, considering Chansung is Eunsook's closest cousin, I'd say they do."
"Victoria and her boyfriend are always late." Jonghyun mumbles, shining the flashlight down the dock a few feet, where none other than Krystal and Hyoyeon are ducking past the snoring night-guard--Jonghyun had reassured them that he was a drunkard who couldn't tell left from right let alone apprehend them for trespassing past hours.
"Why." is all Jonghyun can think to say.
Krystal beams cruelly up at him. "Kibummie told me you had something to say to me?"
Kibum shrugs when Jonghyun turns the flashlight to him with an accusatory glare. "The more the merrier?"
"Isn't this a little risky?" Taemin asks, just for the sake of his own sanity.
"Hardly." Jonghyun laughs, busy unknotting the last rope that tethers the boat in place. "I've been out nightfishing with my dad enough times to know what I'm doing. Besides," he gestures to himself, "Licensed. AKA awesome."
Hyoyeon seems to share Taemin's concern. "Just how illegal is this? Humor me."
"The more illegal it is, the more fun!" Krystal chimes, ever the giver of awful advice.
Jonghyun rolls his eyes. "The only illegal part of this is probably the fact we are all minors about to imbibe copious amounts of alcohol."
"On a boat." Chansung supplies cheerily.
"I'm not a minor." Hyoyeon states flatly.
Jonghyun jabs the flashlight at her in jest. "What's the worst thing that could happen? The guard wakes up and calls my mom, who's probably too wasted to give a fuck? Alcohol makes life easier in many ways."
"Sorry we're late!" Victoria's jogging up to the growing clique on the dock, with a sturdy fellow whom Taemin assumes is her boyfriend.
"You're always late." Jonghyun admonishes.
After a good number of Jonghyun's friends arrive, a few groups of twos and threes, all of people Taemin's never seen--not even in school--they set sail without a hitch, churning the delicate waves out towards the middle of the river. A few other boats are out and about, all distant twinkling lights in the dark of the evening. Music that is easy on the ears, with a smooth downbeat, floats throughout the yacht, seeming to reflect on the dull waters like a surround sound theatre.
It's relaxing, at first, to just lean over the railing and stare into the water. As cold as it is, the snow has already mostly melted away, and for the middle of the winter, it could almost be called warm. Perfect sailing weather, really. Taemin wonders why these things always seem to mesh together in just the right amounts; but he always thinks strange things like that once he's had a drink or two to heat him up from the inside out.
The yacht has ample deck space, but also a lofty interior, cushioned seats, a decently sized bar, and two round tables on either end of the staired alcove descending into its belly. In there, it's warm and the rock of the boat is lulling, despite the source of the music, bumping bass, and the chatter of a crowded room.
Taemin's wandering, though he's not really socializing much. He doesn't mind the fact that Minho's not constantly with him--he's used to the independence of their relationship, and that is something that has never much bothered him. It's the lack of emotion, he thinks to himself, that gets to him. Laughter at one of the tables draws him nearer--a center of activity where Krystal always seems to be at least part of the source. Cards are strewn about, reminiscent of some sixties parlor game that had made its way overseas from Europe.
"Wanna play?" one of the girls asks Taemin, scooting over to give him a seat on the booth. "Just slap when you see doubles, the rules are easy enough to figure out from playing."
Taemin knows this game. He's played it any number of times at school, and he prides himself in being pretty good at it. Kibum joins in a few minutes later, followed by Jonghyun, and he's collected a good amount of the deck by the time Minho saunters over, leaning over him and placing a drink in his hands. "Looks like you need a handicap."
"Tell me about it!" Jonghyun grumps from across the table. "Your reflexes are too much for this game."
"You only say that because you have two cards left." Kibum points out, the second contender to winning the game. Krystal has been out for the past few rounds, and amuses herself by smoking a cigarette, the smoke pilfering out through a jutted window behind her.
"I give up." Hyoyeon exclaims with a heavy sigh, tossing her cards onto the table; that seems to bring a sense of relief to the other players, who, Jonghyun included, announce their end games as well.
Kibum shakes his head dolefully. "You all suck. Tie, Taemin?"
Taemin shrugs. "If not, we'd probably be going back and forth all night." he takes a sip of the drink Minho had given him, leaning his head back and against his chest, peering up at him with a raised brow. "How about a gambling game?"
"Poker, huh?" Minho pulls out one of the emptied seats beside Taemin and begins collecting the cards. "Only if we play with real stakes."
"Did I hear poker?" Changsung grabs a seat. "Count me in. Money? Items? Clothes?"
"Clothes?" snickers Krystal. "It's too cold for that, dumbass."
"Anything goes." Victoria suggests, placing a couple of her bracelets on the table. "These are Swarovski crystals, by the way."
Minho seems pleased by that. Taemin's wondering if maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. He doesn't have anything to play by.
Kibum considers his options before placing his hat on the table amidst Victoria's bracelets. "It's resale Gucci, good enough?"
Minho tosses in his watch, Chansung his gold chain, Jonghyun his leather wallet (emptied, of course) and Krystal, who is probably the most adorned with expenses, laughs and gets up, rounding the table to lean between Taemin and Minho. Her manicured nails curl almost possessively around Taemin's shoulder as she whispers to him, "I've got something that can't be gambled with. Come on,"
Minho raises a brow at her and she just shrugs at him, pulling Taemin up with her. "Don't let her coerce you into anything stupid." he says.
Taemin's a little upset; he had hoped Minho would come up with a reason for him to stay. Even "Cheer for me!" would have sufficed. Miffed, he takes his drink and follows Krystal through the narrow hall beside the bar and into the tiny, empty bedroom chamber overlooking the river and the dim stars, hardly visible in the foggy air.
Once again Taemin finds himself confronted with the delicate and soft white powder he is pretty sure is cocaine, and Krystal's practiced movements in separating lines with a razorblade on the low table before them.
"No one's coercing you." Krystal says with a tip of her shoulder, leaning over and inhaling a line as easily as if she were sniffing a flower. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something."
Taemin leans back on the folding futon with a maudlin sigh. "Don't you think it's about time I start making my own decisions?"
Krystal blinks at him, surprised, and then lets out a gigantic laugh. "There's something special about you." she says with a twinkle in her eyes. "I just can't place my finger on it."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Krystal hums, thoughtful. "Well, you're no idiot, right? But you just..." she pauses and finishes another line; six more sit one beside the other, glistening patiently. "You just don't know anything, do you?"
Krystal's knack for seeing the truth of matters has always slightly unnerved Taemin; he's beginning to suspect her hobby in meddling with other's affairs derives from her uncanny correctness--that she might not even realize. It's easier to say she's building a web of deceptions, because no one wants to hear the truth when it hurts. Not one human being would stand up to that willingly, prepared or not.
At least, that's how Taemin rationalizes it, contemplating his drink in momentary silence. Of course, Krystal's right. When it comes to Minho, he has no idea. He has no notion of what to expect, of any danger he might be in, or even if it really matters, in the end. But what is there to say that hasn't already been said?
Minho doesn't love him, does he? There's something solid and yet intangible standing in between them. Taemin doesn't understand it, and for all this time, he's been avoiding it; as if looking at Minho through a pane of glass. He's in another world so different from his own.
"No, I don't know." Taemin agrees with her. "I just feel like there's some sort of chasm between me and other people. It's not just Minho. I don't get it, but I have to figure it out."
"Maybe that's it." Krystal crosses her legs, sitting on the floor before the table. "You think everything is your problem?"
"What?"
"It's exactly what I said. You need a bridge, right? To get to other people, maybe to give them their problems back. You think too much, you know, and that's no good. Sometimes it's better not to think so much."
"I guess you're right."
Krystal chuckles. "Better than I don't know." she says, then hands him the straw she'd been using. "People say so many awful things about drugs." she goes on, pleased when Taemin takes the red and white striped plastic tube, rolling it about in his fingers. "Like, tobacco and marijuana are called gateway drugs. To what? Other drugs? I've never thought like that. I think they change the way you view the world, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes forever. You know what I mean?"
"Sort of." Taemin says, "But I can't just shake the stigma out of my head."
"I'm not asking you to. But I want you to see things in this perspective for once. This is Minho's world as much as it's mine. Did you know that? It shouldn't surprise you."
For some reason, hearing it out loud sort of does.
"I'm not into peer pressure." Krystal goes on, a familiar statement. Though it might be arguable, she's oddly convincing and her words seems effortless. She hasn't asked him, not yet, but Taemin knows she's going to. And he's not sure he's got the will to say no this time. "Do you have an addictive personality, Taemin?"
"I'd say it's the opposite." Taemin replies. He's never had a craving for the same thing twice; he'll cling to the emptiness rather than the substance. He's been that way for as long as he can remember. It's a lonely comfort, if anything.
"Well, this might be the bridge you're looking for. Take a trip on the other side and see how you like it."
"What is this?" Taemin asks her, a final procrastination before he takes the dive.
"Coke and Molly--that's pure ecstasy, by the way. MDMA. It's legit."
And that's that. One or two lines, one time couldn't hurt anything; Taemin's been pushed off the edge and free-falling for quite some time now. He needs somewhere to land. It stings, just a bit, but the feeling is not altogether unpleasant. In fact, the results hit him almost simultaneously. The world beings to pulse do the down-tempo beats echoing throughout the yacht.
"It's nice, isn't it?" Krystal's voice blends with the melody of the music, perfect in pitch. The sway of the boat feels like he's flying to another space; somewhere where rules don't matter--where nothing does.
"If only life felt this easy all the time." Taemin sighs. "Love, too."
"Do you know what love is? Really?" Krystal asks him. Her form is bright and vivid and even though she is feet away from him, Taemin swears he can feel her warmth. "I had to figure it out when I was really young, you see. I didn't have much of a choice. But that's no big deal. I'm glad I did."
"Why?" Taemin's not sure why he asks. "I mean, what do you think love is, then?"
"Love is a lot of different things. There's a lot of different kinds of love." Krystal replies, pulling herself up to sit beside Taemin. "There's first love, there's the love between friends, there's painful and horrible love, there's even the love for inanimate objects. I guess I'm kind of a hippie when it comes to how I see love, yeah? Love is all and all is love, that kind of thing."
"If that's so, then there wouldn't be different types. Everything should be loved equally."
"Maybe." Krystal smiles. "Or is that miss Molly talking?"
Taemin's felt something similar to this before; an overwhelming sensory projection, combined with the righteous feeling that he holds an endless supply of power within himself. Similar to how he'd felt on the rooftop, or that night he spent with Minho afterwards.
Krystal's closing in on him, and it's making him feel claustrophobic, but in a thrilling way. She says, "I hope you don't mind. I just want you to know there are options." before she kisses him, lush and languid and incredibly skilled.
Taemin misses the dark look to her eyes, that same unruly candor in her voice; something sideways and scatty. He can't quite put a word to it, or even a feeling. It feels good, Krystal's mouth against his, warm and wet, and her thin legs spreading to fit into his lap, her sharp nails pulling at the skin against his neck. It should feel wrong too, but there's a vibrant absence of anything real; like this is all a dream and Taemin's not really making a mistake or doing anything untoward. The thoughts barely cross his mind, he's got physicalities to focus on.
And it's perfection, even in that horrifying moment, when the door is opened and Minho catches them. Beautifully cliche, Taemin can't really feel the pain or the pleasure, he only sees the bright lights of a missed opportunity blazing behind his eyes.
They regard each other, with Krystal in between them, no excuses on her lips, and nothing to be said on Taemin's part. He can't read Minho's expression, save the minute flash of disbelief, and the door is shut tight, into darkness. Minho had flipped the switch on his world.
Krystal begins to laugh. "That ought to teach him." she says.
Taemin stares up at the mahogany ceiling. He's overcome by this numbness, an inability to process how much of a fool he'd just been--or maybe he's always been.
What now? he thinks.
What now.
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note; Uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what? I didn't plan this. AT ALL. It just happened. These characters do what they want. Apparently, that means being completely cliche and idiotic sometimes. Woeeeee.
Regardless, I do have an overall outline for this fic, and I've been following it for a couple months now. It takes side-trips sometimes, but ultimately, follows the flow I have planned out for it. I just let the whims run their course. ~o~ I HOPE to have this fic finished by the end of the year, but no promises there. ~
I should probably run away now. /dashes off