Let's Break Up The Fanmixes With A Fanfic
Title: A Brief History Of Teleportation
Author: Moi
Rating: T for Teleportation
Warning: Really messy and horrendously simplified physics explanations. And - that's honestly all this really is. OTL
Summary: "So like, if Ivan shoots off radioactive particles..."
Disclaimer: I own neither Star Trek, Doctor Who, nor Hetalia. And as I’m not a physics major, I will also admit that all information came from Wikipedia, a tribble calculator off google, and The Physics Of Star Trek by Lawrence Krauss.
Estonia glanced to his side, studying America over the wire edge of his glasses as the credits rolled across the television screen in the darkened hotel room. It was time to test his hypothesis, his theory on a certain hero that tended to plague the world with useless babble, and what better way than in the nation‘s natural setting? It was time to experiment: did Alfred have True Knowledge or just Fangirling Idiocy?
He would start with something simple.
“Do you know the mathematics behind tribble’s - how Mr. Spock ended up with the figure 1,771,561?” he questioned, trying to keep his voice deadpan, though it still managed to border on patronizing. Luckily, Alfred didn’t seem to pick up on the edge of his tone, his expression lighting up with an eager excitement.
“Of course! It’s just an exponential population equation, right? So that’s like, the original number of tribbles times whatever their average litter is, plus the original number of tribble’s! I mean, it’s all in the episode, isn’t it? Spock was all ‘1 tribble averages 10 babies every 12 hours’ - which is pretty amazing, I mean, they’re like galactic space bunnies, hahaha! - but yeah, so that would be 3 days times 24 hours, which is 72 hours divided by 12 hours, which gives them 6 breeding periods. And then that would be 10 times 1 plus 1, to the power of 6 since it’s 6 breeding periods, which is like, the 1.7 million he figured! ” the American rambled off at the speed of light, bouncing in his chair with excitement. Eduard pushed his glasses upward, tilting his head with a dubious gaze. It seemed as though he would have to step up his experimentation.
“That ignores the variables of food consumption effecting the reproduction, in terms of timing and litter size. It was noted, after all, that 50 percent of the tribble’s metabolism goes towards reproduction - logically, therefore, feeding them less decreases the probabilities in offspring.” Alfred frowned at Eduard’s reasoning, running a hand through his hair.
“Well, yeah, I guess that’s a good point. But I mean, I was simplifying it to the basics, you know?” Estonia quirked an eyebrow, perfectly mirroring Spock. America hurried on, interrupting anything else his friend was about to spout on about in terms of scientific accuracy being an important part of math. “But I think it would be cool to teleport them all out in to space and just watch them float around, like an asteroid belt.”
“Or space debris,” Estonia muttered under his breath, thinking of the mess both America and Russia had created in their space race decades ago. “Too bad you can’t.”
“I so want to get one when they come out with transporters you can use on a day to day basis!”
“Not quite so,” Eduard pointed out, leaning back against the lounge. “The Next Generation Technical Manual describes how the transporter works, and it’s too incomplete. Locking onto a target, scanning the target, dematerializing the target, holding the information in a pattern buffer, transmitting it all into a matter stream, into an annular confinement beam, and then magically expecting all of that to be recreated into the original target - you do see how vague all that is? And even if it were specific, how much can go wrong? That’s why Star Trek is science fiction, not reality.”
“Obviously,” Alfred agreed easily, rolling his eyes as if it were the most apparent thing in the world. At this, Estonia raised an eyebrow, the only notion of his surprise that the American had concurred without hesitation. “I mean, how else would The Enemy Within episode have happened? If the transporter worked perfectly like that, Kirk never would’ve gotten split into his good and evil half - but then you wouldn’t have an awesome episode on how to be a hero! Because the splitting bit would’ve been impossible between the data information in the matter stream and annular confinement beam.”
“Exactly.” Estonia paused, narrowing his eyes to see how America would dispute his next comment. “So, though teleportation would indeed be interesting in a theoretical sense, it still remains impossible in the real world.”
“Not so!” Eduard flicked his head to the side, pushing his glasses up once more, as if in preparation for a long lecture.
“The Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle theorizes that true, actual teleportation isn’t actually possible,” Estonia started, his voice taking on the tone of a lecturing professor who was wise beyond his years, and perhaps a bit exasperated for having to explain the same thing over and over again to less than intelligent students who didn’t ever quite understand what he was talking about. “Things like position and momentum cannot be determined precisely at the same time, because you have to compensate the measurements of one in order to get the other. If you find one, you alter the other. You can‘t possibly get accurate enough.”
“Yeah, but what about the EPR Paradox and Quantum Entanglement?” America shot back, pushing his own glasses back up his nose as he jumped off the couch, oozing with hyperactive enthusiasm. He began to pace back and forth across the carpet, running the floor into a dull line as he tread to and fro, flailing his arms. “I mean, Einstein and Podolsky and Rosen theorized that measuring the two measurements at the same time from identical but separate things breaks that principle! So like if Ivan shoots off radioactive particles, and Arthur measured the position of one atom, then Matt measures the momentum of the atom right next to it, they could combine that information and bam! You have the data for teleportation.”
“That theory,” Eduard started in his most serious grave voice, looking down the bridge of his nose in condescending disdain, “ - breaks the conventional definition of reality. Instead of the world as we know it being held together by the 4 forces - gravity, electromagnetism, and strong interaction versus weak interaction - it makes it into -”
“Wibbly wobbly timey wimey vibrations, I know!” Alfred finished fervently. Estonia shook his head, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.
“You follow Doctor Who as well?”
“Well, the first time I watched it with England it was super lame and really boring. But now that, you know, they’ve got an American to spice up the show, it’s like, 10 times more awesome, because he’s such an epic hero, saving the world and all, like me!” He paused, snapping his fingers together loudly. “Oh right! You know, anything The Doctor says is true stuff because he‘s a hero and all, so obviously the world is made up of wobbly wobbly vibrations - so, Quantum Entanglement! It’s totally possible. You just manipulate molecules by copying one measurement and adding it to the other measurement, and therefore you get teleportation! Austria’s already done it, with that whole University of Vienna experiment thing with the light particles and the river place. He verified that teleportation is totally possible with the polarized photons!”
“The Danube?” the Baltic nation offered, folding his arms over his chest. “You’re forgetting how much energy it would take to convert a person into energy to begin with. Albert Einstein, E = mc squared. If you do the math, then - let’s say - converting a 50 kilogram adult would use the force of a hydrogen bomb. I’m sure you’ve learned the dangers of that?”
“Well, I’m sure that all the equipment in a starship can handle all that - and I’m sure my scientists will eventually come up with something just as strong! Really, you just need special metals and stuff to keep it all under control. And lots of it. I mean, starships are like, 200 years from now - and think of how far we’ve jumped in the field of specialized containment fields already!”
Estonia nodded his head, conceding the point. After all, the world had come rather far within the past 10 years alone with developing special technology. Who knew what lay in the future in that realm.
“Let’s say that you’re right. That still interferes with the basic mechanics of more simple science.”
“What?” Alfred said dumbly, blinking in surprise. “But I mean, it’s already happened, and - ”
“Perhaps,” Estonia interrupted. “But you forget about the ethics of how this all works at a molecular level.”
There was a pause, America scrunching his face up as he thought in silence.
“When an object is converted into it’s pure energy, the original is destroyed so the properties can be transferred to a copy,” Eduard explained. “Which is to say, if you managed to teleport an actual person, they would basically die, and the clone would go on living that persons life. It‘s all fine and well with inanimate objects, but what about a living, breathing human being?”
At this, Alfred was stumped. All of his heroistic ideals were being crushed beneath Eduard’s wall of ethical reasoning. His arms stopped wind-milling about, falling to his sides in defeat. He bit his lip, nibbling on the edge of skin as the information sunk in, his mind racing to try and find away around the idea of killing someone.
When he looked back up, Estonia balked at the seriousness of his expression. In defense, Eduard raised his chin defiantly, waiting to shoot down whatever the American would say with cold, hard, dependable logic.
“What about The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock?” he started, his voice casual but holding a hidden sort of steely edge of methodical precision. It was the same icy, detached tone that Russia used when in one of his unstable moods. Eduard felt himself shudder, a chill sent down his spine at the memories of volatile revolution and erratic stumbling as Ivan’s government faltered through the decades.
“What about them?”
“A life force. Star Trek always comes back to the idea of some spirit outside the body. So like… it can exist outside the body. And, you know… it gets transferred from the original into the copy. You’re not really killing a person, you’re just giving them a new body.”
“Which is a decent explanation, if you’re religious,” Estonia pointed out plainly, letting out a sigh. “That’s a conditional argument. It only applies if you believe in that.”
“So you don’t have faith?” America questioned quietly in hushed astonishment.
“Not specifically, no.” Their discussion was quickly venturing outside of his comfort zone. It was no longer specific fact and truth, but nebulous opinion and piety. It was something that didn’t depend on analysis and deduction, but trust and hope.
He hoped Alfred would be able to pick up on his uneasiness, and leave the topic be. The seconds ticked by, painfully slow. Finally, Estonia simply glanced hurriedly at his watch.
“It’s getting rather late. I should be leaving.”
“Alright!” the American exclaimed loudly, a bright smile bursting across his face. “So, next World Conference - do you want me to bring Season Three, or should we try for Doctor Who?”
Estonia couldn’t help but smirk as he stood up, ready to take his leave.
“Doctor Who sounds good. We can discuss the merits of time travel - that would be fascinating, wouldn’t you agree?” he prompted, his mind already jumping to the future conversation and the possible directions it could take.
“Yeah! I’ll bring Season One, so we can start at the beginning, yeah? I mean, have you seen the new series? It’s so cool! Captain Jack is full of win! He even has a spin-off series where he’s the hero saving Earth with his secret underground clubhouse, Torchwood, and it’s just so cool!”
“Okay.” Estonia paused at the door, tilting his head in thoughtfulness. “Captain Jack is quite like France, you know. ‘Man-whore of the universe’, isn’t he?”
The Baltic nation slipped out the door, darting down the hall before having to witness the American gawking in shock and sputtering in denial. After all, such actions were very uncouth of any civilized nation.
At that thought, Estonia wondered whether or not he should invite England along next time. It would no doubt lead to an interesting conversation on the merits of which science fiction series was better, Doctor Who versus Star Trek. They may even bring up the timeless argument of Star Trek versus Star Wars, if England were desperate enough to sidetrack the discussion. Indeed, it would be quite an entertaining spectacle…
Author: Moi
Rating: T for Teleportation
Warning: Really messy and horrendously simplified physics explanations. And - that's honestly all this really is. OTL
Summary: "So like, if Ivan shoots off radioactive particles..."
Disclaimer: I own neither Star Trek, Doctor Who, nor Hetalia. And as I’m not a physics major, I will also admit that all information came from Wikipedia, a tribble calculator off google, and The Physics Of Star Trek by Lawrence Krauss.
Estonia glanced to his side, studying America over the wire edge of his glasses as the credits rolled across the television screen in the darkened hotel room. It was time to test his hypothesis, his theory on a certain hero that tended to plague the world with useless babble, and what better way than in the nation‘s natural setting? It was time to experiment: did Alfred have True Knowledge or just Fangirling Idiocy?
He would start with something simple.
“Do you know the mathematics behind tribble’s - how Mr. Spock ended up with the figure 1,771,561?” he questioned, trying to keep his voice deadpan, though it still managed to border on patronizing. Luckily, Alfred didn’t seem to pick up on the edge of his tone, his expression lighting up with an eager excitement.
“Of course! It’s just an exponential population equation, right? So that’s like, the original number of tribbles times whatever their average litter is, plus the original number of tribble’s! I mean, it’s all in the episode, isn’t it? Spock was all ‘1 tribble averages 10 babies every 12 hours’ - which is pretty amazing, I mean, they’re like galactic space bunnies, hahaha! - but yeah, so that would be 3 days times 24 hours, which is 72 hours divided by 12 hours, which gives them 6 breeding periods. And then that would be 10 times 1 plus 1, to the power of 6 since it’s 6 breeding periods, which is like, the 1.7 million he figured! ” the American rambled off at the speed of light, bouncing in his chair with excitement. Eduard pushed his glasses upward, tilting his head with a dubious gaze. It seemed as though he would have to step up his experimentation.
“That ignores the variables of food consumption effecting the reproduction, in terms of timing and litter size. It was noted, after all, that 50 percent of the tribble’s metabolism goes towards reproduction - logically, therefore, feeding them less decreases the probabilities in offspring.” Alfred frowned at Eduard’s reasoning, running a hand through his hair.
“Well, yeah, I guess that’s a good point. But I mean, I was simplifying it to the basics, you know?” Estonia quirked an eyebrow, perfectly mirroring Spock. America hurried on, interrupting anything else his friend was about to spout on about in terms of scientific accuracy being an important part of math. “But I think it would be cool to teleport them all out in to space and just watch them float around, like an asteroid belt.”
“Or space debris,” Estonia muttered under his breath, thinking of the mess both America and Russia had created in their space race decades ago. “Too bad you can’t.”
“I so want to get one when they come out with transporters you can use on a day to day basis!”
“Not quite so,” Eduard pointed out, leaning back against the lounge. “The Next Generation Technical Manual describes how the transporter works, and it’s too incomplete. Locking onto a target, scanning the target, dematerializing the target, holding the information in a pattern buffer, transmitting it all into a matter stream, into an annular confinement beam, and then magically expecting all of that to be recreated into the original target - you do see how vague all that is? And even if it were specific, how much can go wrong? That’s why Star Trek is science fiction, not reality.”
“Obviously,” Alfred agreed easily, rolling his eyes as if it were the most apparent thing in the world. At this, Estonia raised an eyebrow, the only notion of his surprise that the American had concurred without hesitation. “I mean, how else would The Enemy Within episode have happened? If the transporter worked perfectly like that, Kirk never would’ve gotten split into his good and evil half - but then you wouldn’t have an awesome episode on how to be a hero! Because the splitting bit would’ve been impossible between the data information in the matter stream and annular confinement beam.”
“Exactly.” Estonia paused, narrowing his eyes to see how America would dispute his next comment. “So, though teleportation would indeed be interesting in a theoretical sense, it still remains impossible in the real world.”
“Not so!” Eduard flicked his head to the side, pushing his glasses up once more, as if in preparation for a long lecture.
“The Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle theorizes that true, actual teleportation isn’t actually possible,” Estonia started, his voice taking on the tone of a lecturing professor who was wise beyond his years, and perhaps a bit exasperated for having to explain the same thing over and over again to less than intelligent students who didn’t ever quite understand what he was talking about. “Things like position and momentum cannot be determined precisely at the same time, because you have to compensate the measurements of one in order to get the other. If you find one, you alter the other. You can‘t possibly get accurate enough.”
“Yeah, but what about the EPR Paradox and Quantum Entanglement?” America shot back, pushing his own glasses back up his nose as he jumped off the couch, oozing with hyperactive enthusiasm. He began to pace back and forth across the carpet, running the floor into a dull line as he tread to and fro, flailing his arms. “I mean, Einstein and Podolsky and Rosen theorized that measuring the two measurements at the same time from identical but separate things breaks that principle! So like if Ivan shoots off radioactive particles, and Arthur measured the position of one atom, then Matt measures the momentum of the atom right next to it, they could combine that information and bam! You have the data for teleportation.”
“That theory,” Eduard started in his most serious grave voice, looking down the bridge of his nose in condescending disdain, “ - breaks the conventional definition of reality. Instead of the world as we know it being held together by the 4 forces - gravity, electromagnetism, and strong interaction versus weak interaction - it makes it into -”
“Wibbly wobbly timey wimey vibrations, I know!” Alfred finished fervently. Estonia shook his head, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.
“You follow Doctor Who as well?”
“Well, the first time I watched it with England it was super lame and really boring. But now that, you know, they’ve got an American to spice up the show, it’s like, 10 times more awesome, because he’s such an epic hero, saving the world and all, like me!” He paused, snapping his fingers together loudly. “Oh right! You know, anything The Doctor says is true stuff because he‘s a hero and all, so obviously the world is made up of wobbly wobbly vibrations - so, Quantum Entanglement! It’s totally possible. You just manipulate molecules by copying one measurement and adding it to the other measurement, and therefore you get teleportation! Austria’s already done it, with that whole University of Vienna experiment thing with the light particles and the river place. He verified that teleportation is totally possible with the polarized photons!”
“The Danube?” the Baltic nation offered, folding his arms over his chest. “You’re forgetting how much energy it would take to convert a person into energy to begin with. Albert Einstein, E = mc squared. If you do the math, then - let’s say - converting a 50 kilogram adult would use the force of a hydrogen bomb. I’m sure you’ve learned the dangers of that?”
“Well, I’m sure that all the equipment in a starship can handle all that - and I’m sure my scientists will eventually come up with something just as strong! Really, you just need special metals and stuff to keep it all under control. And lots of it. I mean, starships are like, 200 years from now - and think of how far we’ve jumped in the field of specialized containment fields already!”
Estonia nodded his head, conceding the point. After all, the world had come rather far within the past 10 years alone with developing special technology. Who knew what lay in the future in that realm.
“Let’s say that you’re right. That still interferes with the basic mechanics of more simple science.”
“What?” Alfred said dumbly, blinking in surprise. “But I mean, it’s already happened, and - ”
“Perhaps,” Estonia interrupted. “But you forget about the ethics of how this all works at a molecular level.”
There was a pause, America scrunching his face up as he thought in silence.
“When an object is converted into it’s pure energy, the original is destroyed so the properties can be transferred to a copy,” Eduard explained. “Which is to say, if you managed to teleport an actual person, they would basically die, and the clone would go on living that persons life. It‘s all fine and well with inanimate objects, but what about a living, breathing human being?”
At this, Alfred was stumped. All of his heroistic ideals were being crushed beneath Eduard’s wall of ethical reasoning. His arms stopped wind-milling about, falling to his sides in defeat. He bit his lip, nibbling on the edge of skin as the information sunk in, his mind racing to try and find away around the idea of killing someone.
When he looked back up, Estonia balked at the seriousness of his expression. In defense, Eduard raised his chin defiantly, waiting to shoot down whatever the American would say with cold, hard, dependable logic.
“What about The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock?” he started, his voice casual but holding a hidden sort of steely edge of methodical precision. It was the same icy, detached tone that Russia used when in one of his unstable moods. Eduard felt himself shudder, a chill sent down his spine at the memories of volatile revolution and erratic stumbling as Ivan’s government faltered through the decades.
“What about them?”
“A life force. Star Trek always comes back to the idea of some spirit outside the body. So like… it can exist outside the body. And, you know… it gets transferred from the original into the copy. You’re not really killing a person, you’re just giving them a new body.”
“Which is a decent explanation, if you’re religious,” Estonia pointed out plainly, letting out a sigh. “That’s a conditional argument. It only applies if you believe in that.”
“So you don’t have faith?” America questioned quietly in hushed astonishment.
“Not specifically, no.” Their discussion was quickly venturing outside of his comfort zone. It was no longer specific fact and truth, but nebulous opinion and piety. It was something that didn’t depend on analysis and deduction, but trust and hope.
He hoped Alfred would be able to pick up on his uneasiness, and leave the topic be. The seconds ticked by, painfully slow. Finally, Estonia simply glanced hurriedly at his watch.
“It’s getting rather late. I should be leaving.”
“Alright!” the American exclaimed loudly, a bright smile bursting across his face. “So, next World Conference - do you want me to bring Season Three, or should we try for Doctor Who?”
Estonia couldn’t help but smirk as he stood up, ready to take his leave.
“Doctor Who sounds good. We can discuss the merits of time travel - that would be fascinating, wouldn’t you agree?” he prompted, his mind already jumping to the future conversation and the possible directions it could take.
“Yeah! I’ll bring Season One, so we can start at the beginning, yeah? I mean, have you seen the new series? It’s so cool! Captain Jack is full of win! He even has a spin-off series where he’s the hero saving Earth with his secret underground clubhouse, Torchwood, and it’s just so cool!”
“Okay.” Estonia paused at the door, tilting his head in thoughtfulness. “Captain Jack is quite like France, you know. ‘Man-whore of the universe’, isn’t he?”
The Baltic nation slipped out the door, darting down the hall before having to witness the American gawking in shock and sputtering in denial. After all, such actions were very uncouth of any civilized nation.
At that thought, Estonia wondered whether or not he should invite England along next time. It would no doubt lead to an interesting conversation on the merits of which science fiction series was better, Doctor Who versus Star Trek. They may even bring up the timeless argument of Star Trek versus Star Wars, if England were desperate enough to sidetrack the discussion. Indeed, it would be quite an entertaining spectacle…