Final gift for rip_67!
Title: Speed Bumps
Rating: PG
Pairing: Gen (*gasp*)
Spoilers: Takes place after AHBL, so I suppose it’s inherently spoilery for season 3.
For
rip_67! Merry Christmas! And by the way, I read your letter and I’m working on writing you as a half-angel/half-demon with Sam shooting you in the head after mindblowing sex. :P But for now, here’s the fic I wrote for your prompt in
spn_holidays! I hope you like it.
2. Sam breaks the deal Dean made, but Dean can never eat pie, drive the Impala or sleep with random chicks again. Plus points for lots of Dean complaining and lots of smartass comments from Sam.
***
“You what?”
Sam winces. “You aren’t allowed to eat pie…or drive the Impala…or hookup with random chicks again,” he repeats. “But the good news is, you won’t be dragged down to hell!” he adds quickly.
“A life without pie, my baby, and sluts is not a life worth living!” Dean shouts, waving his arms around angrily. Somehow Dean manages to loom over Sam threateningly. “How could you make this deal without my permission?”
Sam snorts and looks at Dean pointedly.
Dean rolls his eyes and grumbles. “Yeah, yeah, I know, but it’s not the same, Sam!”
“Oh?” Sam says, raising an eyebrow speculatively. “How is it different from the deal you made?”
“Because I’m the oldest,” Dean says matter-of-factly.
“So only the oldest is allowed to make stupid deals?”
“Yes!”
“So you admit that the deal you made was stupid too?” Sam says with a well-deserved smug smirk.
“What? No! Snap out of lawyer mode, would you?”
“I’m so sorry,” Sam says, not looking sorry at all.
“No you’re not,” Dean grumbles and glares at his brother.
“Yeah, I’m not,” Sam agrees.
***
“Mmm, pie,” Sam moans like a porn star.
Dean chews his cheeseburger angrily, swallows, and glares at Sam. “You are such a bad person, tempting me like this,” he says accusingly.
“What?” Sam asks innocently. “I’m just eating my pie. My rich, sweet, delicious apple pie with a golden crust perfectly baked to perfection-” Sam pauses to wipe the drool from Dean’s mouth with his napkin- “that you can’t have.”
Dean’s fingers instinctively wrap around the butter knife on the table. “Shut. Up.”
Sam shrugs and waves the waitress over, who makes a point of swaying her hips back and forth. “Hi Sophie,” he says, reading the nametag pinned to her low cut uniform, “do you think I could have another slice of pie? It’s simply mouthwatering.”
“Sure, sweetie,” she smiles, scribbling it down in her little notebook with a glittery pink pen. “And what about you?” she asks, turning to Dean. “Is there anything I can do for you, hon?” She leans forward to give Dean a better view of her cleavage- you know, in case he had somehow missed it.
Dean opens his mouth, but before he can say anything Sam chimes in. “Oh, honeybuns,” he giggles flirtatiously, “I told you to stop playing footsie with me under the table! It’s embarrassing, babycakes.”
Dean kicks Sam in the shin. Hard. But the damage has already been done.
“Of course,” the waitress sighs under her breath, tucking some stray blonde hairs behind her ear. “I’ll be right back with that pie,” she tells Sam, and hurries away without any shaking of her hips.
Once she is out of earshot, Dean kicks Sam again. “You,” he hisses, “are the biggest cockblocker in the history of cockblocking!”
“Sorry.”
“Liar.”
Sam just smiles.
***
The tires screech as Sam pulls out of the parking lot at a breakneck speed.
“Jesus, slow down!” Dean shouts, gripping the dashboard tightly.
Sam turns up the emo alternative pop station up louder with a sinfully pleased grin. “Sorry, can’t hear you, the music’s too loud.”
Dean shuts his cakehole.
***
Dean can’t ever eat pie again. Or hook up with random chicks again. Or drive his baby again. Which totally sucks, but Dean’s always been willing to make huge sacrifices for Sam.
So Dean sits back and goes through life in the passenger seat for a change and puts his life- and the steering wheel- in Sam’s large and rather capable hands. He doesn’t know where they’re going, but he knows that Sam will get them there on time.
In the meantime, they can take the speed bumps as they come.
End.