the summer of, like, unicorns
This is ~4300 words of R-rated William/Gabe, Pete/Mikey, Mikey/Brendon, Gabe/Brendon, William/Ryan, Pete/Patrick, William/Travis, and possibly insinuated Vicky-T/Gerard. AU in which everyone essentially has superpowers because of their past lives. Um. Yeah. I wrote this ages ago and posted it on my other journal. I finally decided to post it publicly, even though it's absolute crack. :) We all know about the Summer of Like (and if we don't - do your homework!), but this? This is The Summer of, Like, Unicorns. We are pretending that all of these bands were on tour together or something, which would be a dream come true. Anyhow, please do not complain to me about the fact that this tour never happened, or the liberties I took with various mythologies, because seriously, if that's what you have a problem with in this fic? Willing suspension of disbelief: you're doing it wrong.
The Summer of, Like, Unicorns
(no, really. what, you thought that wasn’t the title?)
It starts with Patrick, though no one except for Brendon really realizes it at the time. He starts tripping over everything, over nothing, lurching round like he's drunk all the time, even when he's sober.
He goes to a doctor who checks to make sure he doesn't have some kind of inner ear infection, but all the tests come back negative. "It's because you're actually a giant trapped in your tiny Patrick body," Brendon tells him earnestly, which causes everyone within earshot to die of laughter, except for Patrick.
"Fuck off," he says, but Brendon shakes his head.
"No, seriously."
Pete's the first one to figure out that, holy shit, Brendon's actually right. Patrick kind of expects awkwardness, but he's just subjected to a load of 'They Might Be Giants' references before Pete drops the subject altogether.
*
William Beckett, contrary to popular belief, isn't a giant manwhore. He isn't even a bit of a manwhore, which is why he's more surprised than anyone when he wraps himself around Ryan Ross, whispering "I want you to fuck me" into his ear.
Ryan, who'd been humming a Fall Out Boy song under his breath, is probably the least surprised of all. He looks William over and then nods, his eyes darkening.
*
"It doesn't even make sense," William says to Gabe later.
"Seriously, Bill, is it really that big a deal? Ross is pretty, and kind of a slut. It's not like you're the only one to fall victim to his charms."
"I let him fuck me!" he yells, and then ducks his head as across the room, Pete and Mikey stop their whispered conversation and glance over, looking highly amused. "I asked him to fuck me," he whispers. "I'm always on top. Always, Gabe."
"Good to know," Gabe says, turning the page of his magazine.
William sighs, slamming his drink down on the table and standing, storming across the room. Just as he's about to leave, Mikey grabs his arm. "Hey," he says. "You should maybe go talk to Brendon." William raises an eyebrow, but Mikey's already turning back to Pete, who's saying something about burning sensations in bad places, and William really, really doesn't want to know.
He goes off to find Brendon.
*
"Oh. Oh. Oh, um." Brendon says as soon as he sees William. "I am so, so sorry, dude."
"Sorry for what?" William asks. Maybe Brendon drugged him so Ryan could have his wicked way with him. At this point he wouldn't even be pissed off about it, because at least it would make sense.
"You might want to sit down." He shrugs and sits on the couch next to Brendon. "So, um, do you believe in magic? Or reincarnation?" Which was not exactly anything William expected to hear, and he's pretty sure his face is saying so, because Brendon starts speaking even quicker. "All right, so, they both exist, and there are certain people who used to be magic things in past lives, like fairies and elves and things. And, sometimes the magic carries over when you reincarnate, and it can influence your behaviour and sometimes you might even have some of your abilities. It usually stays dormant, though, unless..."
"Unless what?" William asks, interested even though this is the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.
"Unless you awaken. And, um, okay, so I didn't know this until really, really recently, but in a past life, I was a..." He pauses. "Um, it's hard to describe. Kind of psychic. If someone was something magical in another life, sometimes I make them manifest. Ryan, um. He manifested a long time before I met him, and he's a siren. Sometimes when he sings -"
"Yeah, I know what a siren is." He shouldn't be believing this, he thinks, but Brendon's a terrible liar and he's not doing it now. Besides, it would explain a lot. "So why doesn't it happen all the time? I mean, he sings all the time. He sings on your albums."
Brendon blushes. "Usually he has to be trying. But, uh, there are other people - people who were magical in their past lives - who can be a bit susceptible. And, um, part of my whole psychic deal is that once someone's awoken, I can see their true form."
"Brendon, can you stop dancing around it and just tell me?"
"You'rekindofmaybeasuccubus," he says in one breath, and William blinks.
"I'm a succubus?" he repeats, and Brendon nods. A few moments pass before he sighs. "Why do I always end up being the girl?"
They talk for a solid hour, Brendon giving him more details - that his random desire to have Ryan do things to him rather than doing things to Ryan is because succubi, basically, need to get fucked in order to stay alive. "Not that you'll die if you don't," he gestures, "y'know. But you'll just feel really bad if you don't."
"And I'll feel weird if I do," he protests. And this is not really a conversation he's prepared to have with Brendon goddamn Urie, so he changes the subject a bit. "So, listen. Who else on tour is... you know, like this?"
Brendon blinks at him. "Pretty much everyone."
"Everyone?"
He shrugs. "For the most part."
"Isn't that... unusual?"
He shrugs again. "Half of my graduating class were elves. It's a lot more common than you'd think. The whole chess club was made up of dwarves. Going to the cafeteria for lunch every day was kind of like walking to Lothlorien from the Mines of Moria."
"Huh."
Brendon stands up. "Anyway, if it's cool with you, I need to hurry up. I was supposed to meet Mikey ages ago."
"Oh, he was with Pete when I saw him. Talking about -" His eyes widen. "Dragons? They're not dragons, are they?"
He's met with laughter. "No, Mikey's definitely not. And Pete... well. Pete believes what he wants to believe," which is essentially the truest fact possible about Pete Wentz.
"So Mikey's normal?"
"Mikey's a unicorn," he says, and then grins. "Later, Beckett."
*
Okay, so Pete doesn't really think he's a dragon. It's just that one day, pretty early on in the tour, he'd been having a conversation with Mikey that had veered into familiar (for Pete, at least) territory, or so he'd thought.
"Do you ever, you know, feel like you're different from everyone else?" Mikey'd asked, and Pete had just smirked. "No, I mean, well, obviously. But, like, I don't know. Like you're fundamentally different in a way that not everyone would accept, and if people knew..."
And yeah, Pete thought he had it figured out. Really, it was standard coming-out material, and Pete had heard it before, even said the same a few times. So when he said as much and Mikey grinned at him, grabbed his hand to lead him somewhere private and said "Come on, I want to show you something," Pete thought he knew what to expect. (Mikey's tongue in his mouth, at the very least, and he would be very okay with that.)
What he didn't expect was for Mikey fucking Way to turn into a goddamn unicorn in front of him. And he would've felt like an idiot saying something along the lines of "Oh, I thought we were talking about hot sex with menfolk, not being mythological creatures," so instead he'd blurted "I'm a dragon."
On a scale of one to stupid, it was still off the charts.
*
Brendon knows Pete's not a dragon, but he thinks Pete's crush on Mikey is totally the cutest thing ever, so he plays along. Together they create a suitable dragon name (Draaiii'ke - Pete really wants to go by Draco, but Brendon as points out, he's supposed to be a dragon, not a fucking wizard, and dragons are apparently fond of extraneous vowels) and a few past life memories of hording treasure and breathing fire. It doesn't change the fact that Pete can't turn into a dragon, but Brendon swears that most magical reincarnations can't actually morph; Mikey Way is a Special Snowflake.
Brendon ends up spending a lot of time with Mikey in order to sing Pete's praises, which turns into simply spending a lot of time with Mikey. Mikey's pretty cool, and since unicorns have intrinsic healing powers, Brendon never ends up with hangovers anymore. The only thing is that Mikey seems really interested in Brendon, which is kind of working against Brendon's goal. And Pete's glaring at Brendon a lot these days.
He doesn't say anything, though; right now, they're curled up together under a blanket, even though it's like a million degrees out, watching Roman Holiday and whispering about other bands they know and what they're turning into. The Used, apparently, have all claimed to be Samurai Pizza Cats, except for Bert McCracken, who's saying he's the kraken from the second Pirates of the Carribbean movie. As if that wasn't weird enough, Good Charlotte have decided that they're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and are feuding with The Used over the perceived insult towards them in the Samurai Pizza Cats theme song.
Mikey and Brendon aren't sure that either band really gets it, but it's kind of amusing.
They fall silent as the movie progresses and Audrey Hepburn smashes someone over the head with a guitar. Brendon laughs and Mikey smiles at him, grabbing onto his hand and tracing designs on his palm. "You're my favourite, Brendon Urie," Mikey whispers, kissing Brendon's temple.
Brendon doesn't need psychic powers to know that the footsteps he hears stomping angrily away from them belong to one Draaiii'ke the Excessively-Voweled Fake Dragon.
*
William doesn't plan on telling Gabe. Honestly, there are some things that you just don't tell Gabe Saporta, and "I am a reincarnated succubus who really, really needs to get fucked" is at the top of the list. But then when he goes to track him down in the hopes of getting loaded (on the list of things you can tell Gabe Saporta and expect a positive result, "Want to get drunk?" is pretty high up there), he finds that Gabe has problems of his own.
"Don't look at me!" Travis yells out as William enters the room, which is a surefire way to make people look at you, and William's no exception.
"Travie, you look completely hot. Why am I not supposed to be averting my eyes?" Travis gestures around the room, and William notices for the first time that Disashi, Gabe, and Vicky-T are all sitting on the couch, completely motionless. William's starting to develop a headache. "Brendon?"
Travis nods. "Yeah. He told me I'm like Madonna."
Okay, definitely not what William was expecting. He thinks about that for a second, trying to go through all the mythology he's learned (from Jeopardy!, Trivial Pursuit, and Xena: Warrior Princess, mostly). "Oh, Medusa?"
"Her, her, yeah." Travie's looking even more burned out than usual. "Brendon said I can control it, but I don't fucking know how."
"I wonder why it didn't work on me?" William muses. He starts to pace; as he walks in front of his frozen friends on the couch, each of them starts to move.
Travie stares at him for a minute. "Dude. Dude. I know what it is. You're too hot to freeze. Your hotness melts everyone else."
"Fuck off," William says. (A few hours later he tracks down Brendon and asks him about it, and it turns out that Travis is probably right.)
"Shit, I'd better go hide before anyone sees me again," Travis says, and flees.
William turns to the couch to see three pairs of eyes staring at him curiously. "You should go see Brendon," he says in lieu of an explanation, and goes off to make sure that Travie doesn't turn anyone to stone on his way to a suitable hiding place.
*
Gabe's actually never spent much time with Brendon, never exchanged more than a few words in passing, and he feels a little weird about seeking him out for a conversation. "Hey," he says, sitting down next to Brendon. "So Bill said I should come find you so I can find out why I keep getting turned into stone every time I look at Travie?"
Brendon sighs; he's getting tired of delivering the lecture. "Hi, Gabe."
"Hi. So. Stone?"
"Travis - okay, so, what do you believe when it comes to magic and reincarnation and fairies and stuff?"
Gabe rolls his eyes and punches Brendon in the arm. "Dude, I'm fucking serious here -" he stops, eyes widening. When his fist makes contact with the bare skin of Brendon's arm, he feels a jolt go right through him, and for a second he wants so bad he nearly doubles over.
"Gabe?" He looks up at Brendon, whose own eyes widen. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I didn't see it before but you're, you're totally -"
He doesn't get to finish; he's too busy crawling into Gabe's lap.
*
William thought this night, week, tour, life - whatever - couldn't get any worse, but now he's got to put up with Gabe revealing that he's a goddamn incubus and leering at him constantly. And really, the leering isn't so different from before, except that now when Gabe is leering at him, he feels like leering back - which he always did before too, it's just that now he wants to actually act on it.
-- Okay, so not much has actually changed, except that between them they've slept with fifty percent of Panic at the Disco, and they're fucking horny all the time.
-- Okay, so not much has actually changed.
"We really should," Gabe says, and wow, he's really learning fast, because William isn't even looking at him and he can still feel the burn of Gabe's Jedi Mind Sex Tricks through his veins. "Before the show. Don't want all those hormones bringing the fangirls around." (As if they don't anyway. To reiterate: not much has actually changed.)
William storms out, slamming the door behind him; the worst part is that Gabe's right, and he has to work this energy off before the show. He ends up running into Travie and spins some line about how maybe sex will help keep the Gorgonism in check, and shit, he's going to have to be on stage for Gym Class Heroes' set, just to make sure no one ends up a statue.
Travis fucks him against the door of his dressing room, and William's still pretty uncomfortable and embarrassed with this whole pitcher/catcher thing not going how it always went for him before. It's still hot, and pretty damn good, and when they finish, the restless feeling in his body settles down a little.
The show goes well - he sits on the edge of the stage during Gym Class Heroes' set and they only have a few statue incidents (quickly remedied and easily written off as heatstroke), and he skips Panic's set just to be sure he doesn't jump Ryan Ross's bones onstage during Behind the Sea or something.
During the Academy's set they do Down and Out, and he wishes they hadn’t done the setlist so early in advance, because it feels like a fucking joke. Dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak, he sings, and that night, he does. Dream of demons, that is, or demon, singular. Fucking Gabe and his fucking sex eyes and his fucking sex, and when he wakes up he's calling Gabe's name, and the sheets tangled around him are disgustingly sticky.
No one says anything when William finally emerges to the lounge except for Siska, who smiles innocently and informs William that if he's doing a laundry run, he and Butcher both have stuff that needs to go in.
He finds Gabe lurking outside the bus. He grins at William and inquires, all fake innocence, "Bill! Sleep well?"
"You would know better than anyone," he replies, a murderous look on his face.
"Apparently incubi can enter dreams, did you know that?"
"So it seems. You’d better watch yourself, Gabe. I bet I can do that too, except it might not be so pleasant if I decide to Freddy Krueger your sorry ass."
"So I guess there’s not much point in asking if you’ll still respect me in the morning?"
*
Brendon wakes up the next morning feeling completely embarrassed about throwing himself at Gabe. But, hey, it's not like Gabe was complaining, and it wasn't half bad, all things considered.He tells Ryan, Spencer, and Jon about it, and they have a good laugh at his expense, but he doesn't really mind - he thinks it's kind of funny too, really. He invites them along to watch The Philadelphia Story with him and Mikey (they've finished up all of Audrey's movies and are moving on to Katharine's), and while Ryan and Spencer have other plans, Jon is more than happy to tag along.
"Hey," Mikey greets them when they walk into the lounge of My Chem's bus.
"Hi," Brendon says, pouncing on Mikey and cuddling into his side. Jon rolls his eyes and sits next to them, keeping his distance a bit.
Mikey frowns and pulls away from Brendon, getting up to put on the movie. As the opening credits start rolling, he crosses his arms and coughs. "So, like, I feel really sick all of a sudden. I think I might have caught that cold Gerard had last week. I'm going to go sleep it off, but you guys can hang out and watch the movie if you want."
"Are you okay?" Brendon stands, putting his hand on Mikey's arm as he asks the question, and Mikey pulls away like he's been burned.
"No. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'll be all right." And with that he tears out of the lounge.
Brendon looks hurt. "What the hell was that?" He glances at Jon, who's trying and failing to hold in his laughter. "What?"
Jon's actually laughing so hard he's shaking and crying. "Brendon. Brendon, you know mythology better than the rest of us. Unicorns like virgins," he says, and Brendon turns so red it looks like his face is on fire.
*
Jon doesn't tell anyone - he's good like that - but Brendon makes the mistake of telling Ryan and Spencer, and of course within hours everyone knows that Brendon was a total virgin until Gabe Saporta seduced him the day before. Gabe looks kind of abashed when he finds out, which William finds a bit unexpected.
"Your first time's supposed to be with someone you care about," he says.
"Was yours?" William asks, curious.
"Nahh. But it's supposed to be."
"I don't think anyone's ever is," he mutters; he isn't looking at Gabe, so he jumps in surprise when Gabe leans against his back, reaching forward and circling William's wrists with his fingers.
"Who was it?" Gabe says in his ear, his voice low and possessive.
"No one you know. Gabe, are you - you're totally jealous," he says, and he'd laugh except for the part where Gabe's fingers tighten around his wrists.
"Didn't say I wasn't." He bites down gently on William's throat, and William feels a rush of lust that he doesn't think has anything to do with either of them being magical sex demons in their past lives.
"Let me fuck you," Gabe whispers, and William nods for a second before he realizes what he's doing.
"No," he says. "No, we're going to do this my way."
*
Mikey's feeling pretty miserable when Pete shows up with lunch. "Hey, Mikey, hi," he says, holding out a plate of garlic bread and vegetarian lasagna. "Gerard said you hadn't shown up for lunch so I thought I'd bring this to you."
"Thanks," Mikey says listlessly, taking the plate but not actually eating anything. "Did you know Brendon was the only virgin on the tour?"
"Um. No?"
"It was nice to have someone around like that, you know?"
"Not really," Pete says, and Mikey glares.
"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Pete snaps.
"Oh, come on, Pete, Draaiii'ke? You were just stringing me along. You're not different at all, are you?"
"I'm totally a dragon! I'm one hundred percent draconic! I'd show you right now, but I'm..." He trails off. "I just need somewhere safe to do it," he finishes lamely.
"Right. I overheard you telling Patrick about how hard it was to come up with new stories to tell me."
"...oh. Mikey, I just wanted you to..."
"I know, I know." Mikey smiles for the first time in the conversation. "I wish you'd said something sooner. I was totally into you at the start of the tour."
"And you're not now?" Mikey doesn't say anything, but Pete can hear the unspoken Brendon,.and he stands up quickly, grabbing the plate of food back from Mikey. "Fuck you, Mikey fucking Way. You don't get to eat my lasagna."
*
"It'll be okay," Patrick tells Pete around a mouthful of garlic bread.
Pete sighs and cuddles closer, doing his best not to get tomato sauce on Patrick's shirt. "Yeah."
"Yeah?" Patrick looks surprised. "I didn't think it'd be that easy to get you to agree."
"If you're saying it, it must be true," Pete says. Patrick smiles at him, bright and sharp and surprised, and Pete thinks he might be on to something.
*
They argue for a few moments about where to go, but ultimately proximity makes the decision, and Gabe drags William onto Cobra's bus, announcing to everyone who happens to be hanging out there that they're either going to get the hell off the bus right now or waive their right to complain about any trauma caused by overhearing the hot, hot sex that he and William are about to have.
Everyone clears off the bus pretty quickly, except for Vicky-T and Gerard, who hardly even look up from the copy of Spin magazine they're flipping through. "Go for it," Vicky says, and Gerard, still looking at an article about Weezer, of all people, absently gives them the thumbs-up. Fucking psychic vampires, Gabe thinks, they'll probably get off on the sex more than he and Bill actually will.
...or, y'know, probably not. But they're still getting something for nothing.
"Finally," Gabe mutters as he gets the door shut behind them, already shrugging out of his clothes. William doesn't say anything, but once Gabe's mostly naked he shoves him onto the bed, straddling him. "Bill -" Gabe starts, but quick as a flash, William's got Gabe's hands up over his head and he's tying them together with a lacy black scarf. (Gabe's a bit surprised, but at least now he knows why William insisted they stop at Panic's bus first. He figured it was some kind of weird pre-booty booty call, and he'd hung out with Spencer and Jon while Bill and Ryan spent a few long minutes in Ryan's bunk. He'd thought there was sex going on, but apparently they were just deciding which scarf would be best for bondage.)
Bill fucks him fast, hard; this is all them, all now, no past or future about it.
*
Brendon steps out of his bus and directly into Mikey Way. "Oh. Uh, hi."
"Hey. So I'm sorry I turned into a giant douchebag because you got lucky."
"...that's okay?"
"No, it's really not. I just... it felt weird all of a sudden. Like something of mine had been taken from me, which is stupid, because you're totally not."
And oh, Pete's going to kill him, but Brendon can't help himself. "Way to make stupid assumptions, asshat." He smiles at Mikey, who mirrors the expression for a moment before leaning in to kiss him.
*
From the steps of the bus directly across from Panic's, Pete watches the scene unfold, and Patrick watches Pete watching. "You're going to kill him, aren't you?"
"Him? No. Them? Maybe." He's grinning up at Patrick, though. "Nahh. Who needs Mikey fucking Way anyway when you have a Patrick?"
"Damn right," Patrick says, and he should maybe be surprised that Pete is pulling him in for a kiss, but he's really only surprised that it's taken this many years.
*
"So. Not going to murder me?" Brendon asks.
"No, no," Pete assures him. "You can keep your Mikeyway as long as I get to keep his white denim jacket."
"I'm cool with that. It looks better on you anyway. He's too pale for it." Pete grins, and Brendon smiles back, relieved. "So, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."
"Yeah?"
"Okay, you seemed really set on being a dragon, so don't blame me for not telling you this sooner, but. Um. You're a gnome."
"...what?"
"And it's totally not my fault this time. You were a gnome when I met you."
"Why didn't anyone notice?"
Brendon shrugs. "Honestly, gnomes aren't that different from your normal personality."
"Huh." Pete thinks about it, then grins again. "Tell your Mikeyway he's missing out on my hot gnome lovin'."
"I'll do that," Brendon promises. He definitely will, too, because how often do you get to tell someone that?
"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tiny giant to seduce with my gnomish wiles."
*
"So."
"Yeah."
Gabe's wrists kind of hurt from being tied together for so long, but William's rubbing circles on them with his thumbs, so he really shouldn't complain. "I feel like I should apologize," William says.
"Don't be fucking stupid," Gabe says. "Unless you're apologizing for not doing this sooner, in which case, I'll take them with pleasure."
"Like you were any better. I've wanted you since fucking Midtown."
"Yeah," Gabe says. "I remember seeing you in the crowd and wanting you before we'd even met each other. We're... really goddamn stupid, aren't we."
"Understatement."
"Yeah."
"So -" They both say it at the same time; after a moment, William speaks. "So I kind of want us to be an us. Opinions?"
"You're aware this means I'm going to have to top at least, like, 80% or the time or we're both going to go fucking crazy," Gabe says.
"I'm sure we'll manage to survive somehow," William says, raising his eyebrows. "So. Us?"
"Us," Gabe says. "I kind of like the sound of that."
The Summer of, Like, Unicorns
(no, really. what, you thought that wasn’t the title?)
It starts with Patrick, though no one except for Brendon really realizes it at the time. He starts tripping over everything, over nothing, lurching round like he's drunk all the time, even when he's sober.
He goes to a doctor who checks to make sure he doesn't have some kind of inner ear infection, but all the tests come back negative. "It's because you're actually a giant trapped in your tiny Patrick body," Brendon tells him earnestly, which causes everyone within earshot to die of laughter, except for Patrick.
"Fuck off," he says, but Brendon shakes his head.
"No, seriously."
Pete's the first one to figure out that, holy shit, Brendon's actually right. Patrick kind of expects awkwardness, but he's just subjected to a load of 'They Might Be Giants' references before Pete drops the subject altogether.
*
William Beckett, contrary to popular belief, isn't a giant manwhore. He isn't even a bit of a manwhore, which is why he's more surprised than anyone when he wraps himself around Ryan Ross, whispering "I want you to fuck me" into his ear.
Ryan, who'd been humming a Fall Out Boy song under his breath, is probably the least surprised of all. He looks William over and then nods, his eyes darkening.
*
"It doesn't even make sense," William says to Gabe later.
"Seriously, Bill, is it really that big a deal? Ross is pretty, and kind of a slut. It's not like you're the only one to fall victim to his charms."
"I let him fuck me!" he yells, and then ducks his head as across the room, Pete and Mikey stop their whispered conversation and glance over, looking highly amused. "I asked him to fuck me," he whispers. "I'm always on top. Always, Gabe."
"Good to know," Gabe says, turning the page of his magazine.
William sighs, slamming his drink down on the table and standing, storming across the room. Just as he's about to leave, Mikey grabs his arm. "Hey," he says. "You should maybe go talk to Brendon." William raises an eyebrow, but Mikey's already turning back to Pete, who's saying something about burning sensations in bad places, and William really, really doesn't want to know.
He goes off to find Brendon.
*
"Oh. Oh. Oh, um." Brendon says as soon as he sees William. "I am so, so sorry, dude."
"Sorry for what?" William asks. Maybe Brendon drugged him so Ryan could have his wicked way with him. At this point he wouldn't even be pissed off about it, because at least it would make sense.
"You might want to sit down." He shrugs and sits on the couch next to Brendon. "So, um, do you believe in magic? Or reincarnation?" Which was not exactly anything William expected to hear, and he's pretty sure his face is saying so, because Brendon starts speaking even quicker. "All right, so, they both exist, and there are certain people who used to be magic things in past lives, like fairies and elves and things. And, sometimes the magic carries over when you reincarnate, and it can influence your behaviour and sometimes you might even have some of your abilities. It usually stays dormant, though, unless..."
"Unless what?" William asks, interested even though this is the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.
"Unless you awaken. And, um, okay, so I didn't know this until really, really recently, but in a past life, I was a..." He pauses. "Um, it's hard to describe. Kind of psychic. If someone was something magical in another life, sometimes I make them manifest. Ryan, um. He manifested a long time before I met him, and he's a siren. Sometimes when he sings -"
"Yeah, I know what a siren is." He shouldn't be believing this, he thinks, but Brendon's a terrible liar and he's not doing it now. Besides, it would explain a lot. "So why doesn't it happen all the time? I mean, he sings all the time. He sings on your albums."
Brendon blushes. "Usually he has to be trying. But, uh, there are other people - people who were magical in their past lives - who can be a bit susceptible. And, um, part of my whole psychic deal is that once someone's awoken, I can see their true form."
"Brendon, can you stop dancing around it and just tell me?"
"You'rekindofmaybeasuccubus," he says in one breath, and William blinks.
"I'm a succubus?" he repeats, and Brendon nods. A few moments pass before he sighs. "Why do I always end up being the girl?"
They talk for a solid hour, Brendon giving him more details - that his random desire to have Ryan do things to him rather than doing things to Ryan is because succubi, basically, need to get fucked in order to stay alive. "Not that you'll die if you don't," he gestures, "y'know. But you'll just feel really bad if you don't."
"And I'll feel weird if I do," he protests. And this is not really a conversation he's prepared to have with Brendon goddamn Urie, so he changes the subject a bit. "So, listen. Who else on tour is... you know, like this?"
Brendon blinks at him. "Pretty much everyone."
"Everyone?"
He shrugs. "For the most part."
"Isn't that... unusual?"
He shrugs again. "Half of my graduating class were elves. It's a lot more common than you'd think. The whole chess club was made up of dwarves. Going to the cafeteria for lunch every day was kind of like walking to Lothlorien from the Mines of Moria."
"Huh."
Brendon stands up. "Anyway, if it's cool with you, I need to hurry up. I was supposed to meet Mikey ages ago."
"Oh, he was with Pete when I saw him. Talking about -" His eyes widen. "Dragons? They're not dragons, are they?"
He's met with laughter. "No, Mikey's definitely not. And Pete... well. Pete believes what he wants to believe," which is essentially the truest fact possible about Pete Wentz.
"So Mikey's normal?"
"Mikey's a unicorn," he says, and then grins. "Later, Beckett."
*
Okay, so Pete doesn't really think he's a dragon. It's just that one day, pretty early on in the tour, he'd been having a conversation with Mikey that had veered into familiar (for Pete, at least) territory, or so he'd thought.
"Do you ever, you know, feel like you're different from everyone else?" Mikey'd asked, and Pete had just smirked. "No, I mean, well, obviously. But, like, I don't know. Like you're fundamentally different in a way that not everyone would accept, and if people knew..."
And yeah, Pete thought he had it figured out. Really, it was standard coming-out material, and Pete had heard it before, even said the same a few times. So when he said as much and Mikey grinned at him, grabbed his hand to lead him somewhere private and said "Come on, I want to show you something," Pete thought he knew what to expect. (Mikey's tongue in his mouth, at the very least, and he would be very okay with that.)
What he didn't expect was for Mikey fucking Way to turn into a goddamn unicorn in front of him. And he would've felt like an idiot saying something along the lines of "Oh, I thought we were talking about hot sex with menfolk, not being mythological creatures," so instead he'd blurted "I'm a dragon."
On a scale of one to stupid, it was still off the charts.
*
Brendon knows Pete's not a dragon, but he thinks Pete's crush on Mikey is totally the cutest thing ever, so he plays along. Together they create a suitable dragon name (Draaiii'ke - Pete really wants to go by Draco, but Brendon as points out, he's supposed to be a dragon, not a fucking wizard, and dragons are apparently fond of extraneous vowels) and a few past life memories of hording treasure and breathing fire. It doesn't change the fact that Pete can't turn into a dragon, but Brendon swears that most magical reincarnations can't actually morph; Mikey Way is a Special Snowflake.
Brendon ends up spending a lot of time with Mikey in order to sing Pete's praises, which turns into simply spending a lot of time with Mikey. Mikey's pretty cool, and since unicorns have intrinsic healing powers, Brendon never ends up with hangovers anymore. The only thing is that Mikey seems really interested in Brendon, which is kind of working against Brendon's goal. And Pete's glaring at Brendon a lot these days.
He doesn't say anything, though; right now, they're curled up together under a blanket, even though it's like a million degrees out, watching Roman Holiday and whispering about other bands they know and what they're turning into. The Used, apparently, have all claimed to be Samurai Pizza Cats, except for Bert McCracken, who's saying he's the kraken from the second Pirates of the Carribbean movie. As if that wasn't weird enough, Good Charlotte have decided that they're the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and are feuding with The Used over the perceived insult towards them in the Samurai Pizza Cats theme song.
Mikey and Brendon aren't sure that either band really gets it, but it's kind of amusing.
They fall silent as the movie progresses and Audrey Hepburn smashes someone over the head with a guitar. Brendon laughs and Mikey smiles at him, grabbing onto his hand and tracing designs on his palm. "You're my favourite, Brendon Urie," Mikey whispers, kissing Brendon's temple.
Brendon doesn't need psychic powers to know that the footsteps he hears stomping angrily away from them belong to one Draaiii'ke the Excessively-Voweled Fake Dragon.
*
William doesn't plan on telling Gabe. Honestly, there are some things that you just don't tell Gabe Saporta, and "I am a reincarnated succubus who really, really needs to get fucked" is at the top of the list. But then when he goes to track him down in the hopes of getting loaded (on the list of things you can tell Gabe Saporta and expect a positive result, "Want to get drunk?" is pretty high up there), he finds that Gabe has problems of his own.
"Don't look at me!" Travis yells out as William enters the room, which is a surefire way to make people look at you, and William's no exception.
"Travie, you look completely hot. Why am I not supposed to be averting my eyes?" Travis gestures around the room, and William notices for the first time that Disashi, Gabe, and Vicky-T are all sitting on the couch, completely motionless. William's starting to develop a headache. "Brendon?"
Travis nods. "Yeah. He told me I'm like Madonna."
Okay, definitely not what William was expecting. He thinks about that for a second, trying to go through all the mythology he's learned (from Jeopardy!, Trivial Pursuit, and Xena: Warrior Princess, mostly). "Oh, Medusa?"
"Her, her, yeah." Travie's looking even more burned out than usual. "Brendon said I can control it, but I don't fucking know how."
"I wonder why it didn't work on me?" William muses. He starts to pace; as he walks in front of his frozen friends on the couch, each of them starts to move.
Travie stares at him for a minute. "Dude. Dude. I know what it is. You're too hot to freeze. Your hotness melts everyone else."
"Fuck off," William says. (A few hours later he tracks down Brendon and asks him about it, and it turns out that Travis is probably right.)
"Shit, I'd better go hide before anyone sees me again," Travis says, and flees.
William turns to the couch to see three pairs of eyes staring at him curiously. "You should go see Brendon," he says in lieu of an explanation, and goes off to make sure that Travie doesn't turn anyone to stone on his way to a suitable hiding place.
*
Gabe's actually never spent much time with Brendon, never exchanged more than a few words in passing, and he feels a little weird about seeking him out for a conversation. "Hey," he says, sitting down next to Brendon. "So Bill said I should come find you so I can find out why I keep getting turned into stone every time I look at Travie?"
Brendon sighs; he's getting tired of delivering the lecture. "Hi, Gabe."
"Hi. So. Stone?"
"Travis - okay, so, what do you believe when it comes to magic and reincarnation and fairies and stuff?"
Gabe rolls his eyes and punches Brendon in the arm. "Dude, I'm fucking serious here -" he stops, eyes widening. When his fist makes contact with the bare skin of Brendon's arm, he feels a jolt go right through him, and for a second he wants so bad he nearly doubles over.
"Gabe?" He looks up at Brendon, whose own eyes widen. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I didn't see it before but you're, you're totally -"
He doesn't get to finish; he's too busy crawling into Gabe's lap.
*
William thought this night, week, tour, life - whatever - couldn't get any worse, but now he's got to put up with Gabe revealing that he's a goddamn incubus and leering at him constantly. And really, the leering isn't so different from before, except that now when Gabe is leering at him, he feels like leering back - which he always did before too, it's just that now he wants to actually act on it.
-- Okay, so not much has actually changed, except that between them they've slept with fifty percent of Panic at the Disco, and they're fucking horny all the time.
-- Okay, so not much has actually changed.
"We really should," Gabe says, and wow, he's really learning fast, because William isn't even looking at him and he can still feel the burn of Gabe's Jedi Mind Sex Tricks through his veins. "Before the show. Don't want all those hormones bringing the fangirls around." (As if they don't anyway. To reiterate: not much has actually changed.)
William storms out, slamming the door behind him; the worst part is that Gabe's right, and he has to work this energy off before the show. He ends up running into Travie and spins some line about how maybe sex will help keep the Gorgonism in check, and shit, he's going to have to be on stage for Gym Class Heroes' set, just to make sure no one ends up a statue.
Travis fucks him against the door of his dressing room, and William's still pretty uncomfortable and embarrassed with this whole pitcher/catcher thing not going how it always went for him before. It's still hot, and pretty damn good, and when they finish, the restless feeling in his body settles down a little.
The show goes well - he sits on the edge of the stage during Gym Class Heroes' set and they only have a few statue incidents (quickly remedied and easily written off as heatstroke), and he skips Panic's set just to be sure he doesn't jump Ryan Ross's bones onstage during Behind the Sea or something.
During the Academy's set they do Down and Out, and he wishes they hadn’t done the setlist so early in advance, because it feels like a fucking joke. Dream of demons while you sleep that make you stutter when you speak, he sings, and that night, he does. Dream of demons, that is, or demon, singular. Fucking Gabe and his fucking sex eyes and his fucking sex, and when he wakes up he's calling Gabe's name, and the sheets tangled around him are disgustingly sticky.
No one says anything when William finally emerges to the lounge except for Siska, who smiles innocently and informs William that if he's doing a laundry run, he and Butcher both have stuff that needs to go in.
He finds Gabe lurking outside the bus. He grins at William and inquires, all fake innocence, "Bill! Sleep well?"
"You would know better than anyone," he replies, a murderous look on his face.
"Apparently incubi can enter dreams, did you know that?"
"So it seems. You’d better watch yourself, Gabe. I bet I can do that too, except it might not be so pleasant if I decide to Freddy Krueger your sorry ass."
"So I guess there’s not much point in asking if you’ll still respect me in the morning?"
*
Brendon wakes up the next morning feeling completely embarrassed about throwing himself at Gabe. But, hey, it's not like Gabe was complaining, and it wasn't half bad, all things considered.He tells Ryan, Spencer, and Jon about it, and they have a good laugh at his expense, but he doesn't really mind - he thinks it's kind of funny too, really. He invites them along to watch The Philadelphia Story with him and Mikey (they've finished up all of Audrey's movies and are moving on to Katharine's), and while Ryan and Spencer have other plans, Jon is more than happy to tag along.
"Hey," Mikey greets them when they walk into the lounge of My Chem's bus.
"Hi," Brendon says, pouncing on Mikey and cuddling into his side. Jon rolls his eyes and sits next to them, keeping his distance a bit.
Mikey frowns and pulls away from Brendon, getting up to put on the movie. As the opening credits start rolling, he crosses his arms and coughs. "So, like, I feel really sick all of a sudden. I think I might have caught that cold Gerard had last week. I'm going to go sleep it off, but you guys can hang out and watch the movie if you want."
"Are you okay?" Brendon stands, putting his hand on Mikey's arm as he asks the question, and Mikey pulls away like he's been burned.
"No. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'll be all right." And with that he tears out of the lounge.
Brendon looks hurt. "What the hell was that?" He glances at Jon, who's trying and failing to hold in his laughter. "What?"
Jon's actually laughing so hard he's shaking and crying. "Brendon. Brendon, you know mythology better than the rest of us. Unicorns like virgins," he says, and Brendon turns so red it looks like his face is on fire.
*
Jon doesn't tell anyone - he's good like that - but Brendon makes the mistake of telling Ryan and Spencer, and of course within hours everyone knows that Brendon was a total virgin until Gabe Saporta seduced him the day before. Gabe looks kind of abashed when he finds out, which William finds a bit unexpected.
"Your first time's supposed to be with someone you care about," he says.
"Was yours?" William asks, curious.
"Nahh. But it's supposed to be."
"I don't think anyone's ever is," he mutters; he isn't looking at Gabe, so he jumps in surprise when Gabe leans against his back, reaching forward and circling William's wrists with his fingers.
"Who was it?" Gabe says in his ear, his voice low and possessive.
"No one you know. Gabe, are you - you're totally jealous," he says, and he'd laugh except for the part where Gabe's fingers tighten around his wrists.
"Didn't say I wasn't." He bites down gently on William's throat, and William feels a rush of lust that he doesn't think has anything to do with either of them being magical sex demons in their past lives.
"Let me fuck you," Gabe whispers, and William nods for a second before he realizes what he's doing.
"No," he says. "No, we're going to do this my way."
*
Mikey's feeling pretty miserable when Pete shows up with lunch. "Hey, Mikey, hi," he says, holding out a plate of garlic bread and vegetarian lasagna. "Gerard said you hadn't shown up for lunch so I thought I'd bring this to you."
"Thanks," Mikey says listlessly, taking the plate but not actually eating anything. "Did you know Brendon was the only virgin on the tour?"
"Um. No?"
"It was nice to have someone around like that, you know?"
"Not really," Pete says, and Mikey glares.
"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Pete snaps.
"Oh, come on, Pete, Draaiii'ke? You were just stringing me along. You're not different at all, are you?"
"I'm totally a dragon! I'm one hundred percent draconic! I'd show you right now, but I'm..." He trails off. "I just need somewhere safe to do it," he finishes lamely.
"Right. I overheard you telling Patrick about how hard it was to come up with new stories to tell me."
"...oh. Mikey, I just wanted you to..."
"I know, I know." Mikey smiles for the first time in the conversation. "I wish you'd said something sooner. I was totally into you at the start of the tour."
"And you're not now?" Mikey doesn't say anything, but Pete can hear the unspoken Brendon,.and he stands up quickly, grabbing the plate of food back from Mikey. "Fuck you, Mikey fucking Way. You don't get to eat my lasagna."
*
"It'll be okay," Patrick tells Pete around a mouthful of garlic bread.
Pete sighs and cuddles closer, doing his best not to get tomato sauce on Patrick's shirt. "Yeah."
"Yeah?" Patrick looks surprised. "I didn't think it'd be that easy to get you to agree."
"If you're saying it, it must be true," Pete says. Patrick smiles at him, bright and sharp and surprised, and Pete thinks he might be on to something.
*
They argue for a few moments about where to go, but ultimately proximity makes the decision, and Gabe drags William onto Cobra's bus, announcing to everyone who happens to be hanging out there that they're either going to get the hell off the bus right now or waive their right to complain about any trauma caused by overhearing the hot, hot sex that he and William are about to have.
Everyone clears off the bus pretty quickly, except for Vicky-T and Gerard, who hardly even look up from the copy of Spin magazine they're flipping through. "Go for it," Vicky says, and Gerard, still looking at an article about Weezer, of all people, absently gives them the thumbs-up. Fucking psychic vampires, Gabe thinks, they'll probably get off on the sex more than he and Bill actually will.
...or, y'know, probably not. But they're still getting something for nothing.
"Finally," Gabe mutters as he gets the door shut behind them, already shrugging out of his clothes. William doesn't say anything, but once Gabe's mostly naked he shoves him onto the bed, straddling him. "Bill -" Gabe starts, but quick as a flash, William's got Gabe's hands up over his head and he's tying them together with a lacy black scarf. (Gabe's a bit surprised, but at least now he knows why William insisted they stop at Panic's bus first. He figured it was some kind of weird pre-booty booty call, and he'd hung out with Spencer and Jon while Bill and Ryan spent a few long minutes in Ryan's bunk. He'd thought there was sex going on, but apparently they were just deciding which scarf would be best for bondage.)
Bill fucks him fast, hard; this is all them, all now, no past or future about it.
*
Brendon steps out of his bus and directly into Mikey Way. "Oh. Uh, hi."
"Hey. So I'm sorry I turned into a giant douchebag because you got lucky."
"...that's okay?"
"No, it's really not. I just... it felt weird all of a sudden. Like something of mine had been taken from me, which is stupid, because you're totally not."
And oh, Pete's going to kill him, but Brendon can't help himself. "Way to make stupid assumptions, asshat." He smiles at Mikey, who mirrors the expression for a moment before leaning in to kiss him.
*
From the steps of the bus directly across from Panic's, Pete watches the scene unfold, and Patrick watches Pete watching. "You're going to kill him, aren't you?"
"Him? No. Them? Maybe." He's grinning up at Patrick, though. "Nahh. Who needs Mikey fucking Way anyway when you have a Patrick?"
"Damn right," Patrick says, and he should maybe be surprised that Pete is pulling him in for a kiss, but he's really only surprised that it's taken this many years.
*
"So. Not going to murder me?" Brendon asks.
"No, no," Pete assures him. "You can keep your Mikeyway as long as I get to keep his white denim jacket."
"I'm cool with that. It looks better on you anyway. He's too pale for it." Pete grins, and Brendon smiles back, relieved. "So, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."
"Yeah?"
"Okay, you seemed really set on being a dragon, so don't blame me for not telling you this sooner, but. Um. You're a gnome."
"...what?"
"And it's totally not my fault this time. You were a gnome when I met you."
"Why didn't anyone notice?"
Brendon shrugs. "Honestly, gnomes aren't that different from your normal personality."
"Huh." Pete thinks about it, then grins again. "Tell your Mikeyway he's missing out on my hot gnome lovin'."
"I'll do that," Brendon promises. He definitely will, too, because how often do you get to tell someone that?
"Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tiny giant to seduce with my gnomish wiles."
*
"So."
"Yeah."
Gabe's wrists kind of hurt from being tied together for so long, but William's rubbing circles on them with his thumbs, so he really shouldn't complain. "I feel like I should apologize," William says.
"Don't be fucking stupid," Gabe says. "Unless you're apologizing for not doing this sooner, in which case, I'll take them with pleasure."
"Like you were any better. I've wanted you since fucking Midtown."
"Yeah," Gabe says. "I remember seeing you in the crowd and wanting you before we'd even met each other. We're... really goddamn stupid, aren't we."
"Understatement."
"Yeah."
"So -" They both say it at the same time; after a moment, William speaks. "So I kind of want us to be an us. Opinions?"
"You're aware this means I'm going to have to top at least, like, 80% or the time or we're both going to go fucking crazy," Gabe says.
"I'm sure we'll manage to survive somehow," William says, raising his eyebrows. "So. Us?"
"Us," Gabe says. "I kind of like the sound of that."