Fickle in Love
Title: Fickle in Love...
Author: quaint_stories
Category: One Shot
Pairing: Junnosuke Taguchi, Tatsuya Ueda (JunDa)
Rating: G Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I only own the Story... sadly!
Summary: Tatsuya constantly disappears and reappears into Junnosuke's life >.<
Warning: Un-beta-ed.
A/N: … because I'm feeling the JunDa love, as always >.<
Sequel: Fickle in Love.... Part 2/2
Happy Reading ^^
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Junnosuke opened the door to the smiling Tatsuya who stood with his traveling bag in hand.
“Yo”, was how he greeted the stunned Junnosuke for he knew that alone was enough to get the other’s forgiveness. It’s been eight months since Tatsuya left without a trace. After a year and half of pure courting, romance, partnership and love, he just found himself packing one morning and before he knew it he left without spoken words to the sleeping man beside him in bed. This nomadic behavior of his was a known bad habit, a painful habit, so when Junnosuke awoke to an empty bed and apartment, he knew Tatsuya was once again gone with the wind.
Yet, Junnosuke had always convinced himself that one day his patient love will tame the wild and roaming Tatsuya, and so that day when Tatsuya stood in his doorway, with his traveling bag in hand and his most beautiful smile with “Yo” as his only greeting, his heart tingled with happiness… he looked at the once goldilocks man standing in front of him…
“You’re back”, Junnosuke stood relieved and happy for his lover’s return, “I’ve been waiting for you… I missed you”, he confessed.
“Tadaima [I’m home]. I missed you too”, he cleared his throat, “about the last time, gomen ne”, he was being sincere.
“It’s ok. You can’t change who you are” Junnosuke shuffled two steps closer to Tatsuya, “what’s important is that you’re back… you’ve found your way back to me”, his heart was swelling with contentment. He was so jittery from Tatsuya’s presence that all he wanted to do was leap in the hallway, hug the man, and cry his heart out about how much he’d missed him and how he’d dreamt about the day when they shall finally meet again.
The two men stood shyly eying each other. The tension was high. The silence was awkward, “Come in, I’ll make you some coffee”, eyes still lingering on Tatsuya, “same way right?”
“Un [yes]”, Tatsuya smiled at him
“So where have you been? What have you been up to?, Junnosuke probed from across the kitchen as if making sure to never let Tatsuya out his sight this time around.
“Nowhere but everywhere”, Tatsuya answered in a long sigh, “I’ve been a hippie for the last couple of months”
“Mao [well], the indie rock look suits you”, Junnosuke teased trying to lighten the tension. He took a full glance and further observed, “your hair, it’s black again and long enough to pull back into a ponytail”, he momentarily stopped, his glaze lingered on Tatsuya, “it really suits you, it highlights your piercing eyes and beautiful nose”, he continued to stare as if taking all he could get from that very moment.
Tatsuya smiled, “thank goodness I can play the guitar and the piano. I played at clubs sometimes and other times I’d play at random parks or busy sidewalks just to earn enough for a meal and a room”, he paced the floor looking around the familiar apartment… memories of just months before with Junnosuke reenacted in his mind.
“And now?” Junnosuke hesitantly asked, “What do you plan to do now?”
“Now”, he hesitated looking on a photo framed with him and Junnosuke. It was from the time they went to the arcade. He smiled at the memory, “I was hoping to stick around”, he answered, “but that is of course if you want me to”, he said as if seeking permission.
There was silence as Junnosuke desperately searched for milk in the refrigerator. Upon finding it, he closed the fridge door and went across to the coffee pot, poured coffee into a blue teacup with ‘Uepi’ engraved on it, added 2 spoonful of sugar, milk, nutmeg and cinnamon, stirred its content then walked over to Tatsuya handing him his cup of coffee, “just the way you like it”, a smile of relief crept on his face, “Okaeri [welcome home]”.
Nothing could’ve prepared Junnosuke for the day when his heart would beat that restlessly from anxiety at the return of his love. Tatsuya was back. Yes, he came back to him and no way could he control his blooming love for the man who constantly walked in and out of his life, a love that seemed to blossom with every “Yo” of his return at his doorstep.
Lost in his thoughts, he nervously moved around the kitchen, ‘what now? how should I move things from here’. His mind went numb as he felt himself being enveloped into a warm embrace. It was familiar. It was comfortable. And it felt like home. His heart skipped beats and his stomach knotted as Tatsuya buried his head into his shoulder and pulled him tighter into the embrace. Junnosuke’s heart vibrated at the subtle gesture.
**fickle in love**
Since Tatsuya’s return last autumn, things went smoothly. It’s like they have fallen deeply back into their element and this was their special relationship. They were always at ease with each other and it didn’t take long for them to reconnect and make up for lost months… their lost times. Junnosuke was on high… Gaming, Broadway dancing and Tatsuya… to him, his world was perfect.
Tatsuya was no different. Protected in a healing companionship with Junnosuke, he’d easily tapped into his artistic ability and was re-hired as a producer at a music recording company. Every blissful day with Junnosuke brought him inspiration to create music, with love and music, he was mighty powerful.
Evening times were most clichéd but delightful. After gym they would both a take a stroll in the park and if they had enough time, they would walk down to the beach and along the shore. Sometimes, they would be all chatty, other times they were as silent as the wind, just freely enjoying each other's company. They acted like the previous months of loneliness and misery never happened… they fitted the pieces of the puzzle all too easily.
**fickle in love**
It was Saturday. The summer sky was blue and its radiance was beyond perfect for any outdoor romance. Tatsuya stirred in his sleep as the morning sun hit his bare skin. He gave out a low moan, stretched his perfect limbs and struggled to open his eyes against the morning glare.
“Morning sleepy head”, Junnosuke greeted him, his mood was that of happiness, that of contentment.
“Morning sunshine”, Tatsuya’s sleepy voice was as sexy as ever. Junnosuke’s smile grew wider. His love bloomed every day for the beauty in his bed, “what are you doing down there?”
“Let’s go on a road trip”, Junnosuke responded with enthusiasm.
Tatsuya looked through the window, “the weather is perfect. Where to?”
“Nowhere but anywhere”, Junnosuke beamed, “let’s just head East along the coast and enjoy everything along the way”, he walked over and sat on the bed, tenderness drawn on his face, “anywhere with you is where I want to go”. Tatsuya clasped Junnosuke’s hands and smiled.
In thirty minutes they were out the apartment and on the road. The only map in hand was their hearts. The two felt at ease in the other’s company. Music blasted from the jeep stereo and their energy heightened as they both sang songs from their favourite artists - Gackt and Perfume. It’s like a mobile karaoke on the road as the duo sang on top of their lungs mimicking every rhythm and beat of the song selection. Loud laughter splattered in the air as the tension of the happy go getter duos raised and raised. Twenty minutes later they pulled up at a fruit and vegetable market then strolled down to a side walk café for breakfast. Their next stop was at a flea market. Weirdly enough they both had a special interest in flea markets because there were always the odds of finding something ‘one of a kind’ suiting their taste. They walked around the busy sales tents until Tatsuya spotted something.
“I’ll take this”, he pointed to the antique silver trinket.
“That’s a lucky charm” the sales lady beamed at him as she handed him the jewelry.
“That’s what I’m hoping for”, Tatsuya winked at her then turned to Junnosuke, “give me your hand”, though confused, Junnosuke complied, “I’m giving this lucky charm to you”, a radiant and warm smile blushed his face at his spoken words as he slipped the ring onto Junnosuke’s finger.
“This feels like a commitment ring”. Junnosuke was bloated with happiness.
“Un. It is”, Tatsuya confirmed, “Now come, let’s go”, he stretched his hand to cradle his lover’s.
By midday they had arrived at the zoo. Watching the various animals, Junnosuke was in buzzing excitement.
“I think I’m a giraffe”, he abruptly stated.
Not surprised, Tatsuya played along with his ‘crazy’ boyfriend, “why?’. Oh wait, let me guess”, Tatsuya stopped and pretended to be contemplating; “because you’re tall right?” a soft giggle escaped his cherry lips.
Junnosuke laughed, “and you. What animal are you?”
“Me?. Uhmm. None.”
“Not fair”, Junnosuke whined
Tatsuya chuckled at his antics and brought his fingers to playfully brush against Junnosuke’s nose, “Do you really want know why?” and without waiting for an answer, “I want to be the owner of the giraffe”, his confession was as blunt as a sharpen knife and Junnosuke smiled and blushed at this.
By sunset, they spotted a temple on a hill and decided to make it their last stop before they headed back home. The temple yard was quiet and quaint looking. It looked very pristine. “Let’s go”, Junnosuke motioned to Tatsuya to take his hand as they walked towards a ‘wishing well’. On reaching, they both hesitated and stared at the well. Junnosuke released Tatsuya’s hand, “go on, make a wish”, as he himself tossed a coin, clapped twice then tightly clasped his hands, eyes closed and he made his wish, they both made their wish yet they lingered at the spot looking down into the well… they were both curious about the other’s wish but were too afraid to ask. Overwhelmed, Tatsuya attached himself to Junnosuke’s arm and began walking back to the car. That moment felt right, with an overflow of happiness that is so intricate and delicate to describe only with words. It’s a feeling only they know. .
Driving back was as quite as they were loud coming. Neither wanted the day to end. It was a special happiness and this Summer’s Day will never be forgotten by neither of them. Yet, what’s this feeling? With the sunset nearly setting they let the roof of the convertible down and the evening wind was most compelling in soothing their tension. The orange sunset painted itself against the sky. Maybe they both looked at it and saw something different, but for sure, this sunset will connect them in a special way forever.
“Let’s stop here for a bit” Tatsuya abruptly asked of Junnosuke who wordlessly complied.
“kirei na [it’s beautiful]”, Tatsuya whispered loud enough for Junnosuke to hear against the splashing waves.
“Un. Beautiful and mysterious like someone I know”, Junnosuke halfheartedly teased.
“Eh, I wonder who that is?” a playful smile carved itself onto his lips, “and I was thinking it reminded me of someone who’s as sparkling and free”, Tatsuya looked over his shoulder at his partner.
“Oh, is that so?” Junnosuke playfully bounced against Tatsuya, who responded by affectionately leaning backwards against his lover.
Staring out at the vast blue ocean, the sunset glistened across the waters. A ship sailed on without urgency. It was heading out at sea to meet the setting sun it seemed, “Where do you think the horizon ends?” Junnosuke asked without looking at Tatsuya
“uhmm, I wonder how near it is”, he sighed, “but I pray whoever sails towards it will find it”, absentmindedly, he continued to stare at the small ship sailing towards the horizon, “I really pray that they find the horizon they are looking for”, he repeated. Somehow this made Junnosuke uneasy.
“Tatchan”, Junnosuke finally turned to face his lover, “let’s sail to the horizon together?” his brown eyes sparkled in the evening sunlight.
“That’s all I ever want Junno”, he walked closer and affectionately embraced the madly in love Junnosuke. Tatsuya buried his face into his lover’s shoulder and gently rocked himself into his arms as if wanting to be consoled. Uneasiness compelled Junnosuke to pull him into a tighter embrace, he was holding on tightly for more reasons than one. He could sense it. Though his heart fluttered at being wanted by Tatsuya and he felt full at being the one Tatsuya loves, at the same time his heart ached at witnessing a hidden despair in Tatsuya’s embrace.
“Tatchan”, he called, chin resting in the other’s hair, “I will always be here for you”.
Tatsuya smiled into Junnosuke’s shoulder, “Arigatou”.
“I love you”, Junnosuke confessed, “I love you like life itself”.
“There’s been no one like you… and I can’t deny the way that I’ve treated you… but I love you… I’m in love with you too Jun”, he lifted his head to meet Junnosuke’s eyes, “I know I’m being selfish, but promise to always be here for me”, his eyes boiled with sadness.
Junnosuke brought his lips to meet Tatsuya’s without kissing, just feeling the warm skin against his was enough… then gradually, they searched with small movements then later delved deeper into each other’s soul. Emotions were bursting. Knotted emotions of love and compassion and of regret and contentment… of happiness and sadness… and of loneliness and hope caused them to grip tighter into each other; their hearts flinched even as they sucked each other dry. With knees buckling and heart’s vibrating, their kisses grew slow but passionate… that was their message to each other, the unspoken words that only they alone can understand. For reasons unspoken they could both taste each other’s’ salty tears and that taste only caused things to intensify as Tatsuya tip toed into Junnosuke tenderness who heaved him to stand on his own feet without breaking the kiss. They were romantically snuggled into each other, unbelievably intertwined mind, body and soul. Knees buckling, their bodies silhouette against the orange backdrop… picture perfect in each other’s embrace.
**fickle in love**
It’s summer’s end. The Sunday morning sun was warm and its golden gleam illuminated the bedroom. Junnosuke stirred at the warm sensation. Eyes still closed he stretched across to pull the sleeping Tatsuya into his embrace. Eyes still closed, he hesitantly yet frantically searched for his supposedly sleeping partner. Eyes still closed, his trembling fingers found themselves fondling a piece of paper. Eyes still closed, he sighed at the realization of his most feared moment. He pulled the paper to him, and slowly opened his sadden eyes. The moment felt like grenades popping all around him:
My Dearest Junnosuke,
You must know that writing this is most painful for me… saying goodbye to you again is most certainly breaking my heart. But no matter what, I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you Junnosuke, and only you. I also want you to know that I didn’t want to leave. I wish I could forever stay with you here in our paradise. But something inside me keeps taking me away. It’s the world out there. It’s the horizon with its fancy dreams… It’s the freedom and possibilities I hunger to encounter. Junnosuke, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, and I can’t stop until I find it. I’m greedy and I’m selfish so before I settle into you completely, the wildness in my blood boils for another unknown adventure. I hope you can forgive me…. Jun, please wait for me and please forgive me when I face you again, because you promised.
- Aishiteru, Tatsuya
On reading those teeth clenching words, Junnosuke’s heart rigged with pain and sank with disappointment. His heart was swollen with so much love for Tatsuya that to imagine a complete and happy life without him was unthinkable. He would have given up almost anything to be with the love of his life… he would have sacrificed anything for the fickle Tatsuya… his Tatchan. His head ached in frustration.
‘Love is painful’, he grumbled bitterly flinging himself across the bed.
Crumpling the love note and tossing it in the bin, Junnosuke sat up in bed and looked around the room devoid of Tatsuya’s belongings. In an obvious grumpy mood, he dragged himself out of bed and walked to the bathroom… he took a shower and got dressed then ritually hauled himself to the kitchen where he prepared breakfast for one. Glancing over at the ticking clock on the bare wall, he started out the apartment after grabbing his jacket, his car keys and his antique finished commitment ring. But, as if compelled by uneasiness he walked back inside, retrieved the note from the trash, unwrinkled it and delicately laid it in his drawers with the stack of previous letters.
“I really hate you Ueda Tatsuya”, he inwardly cursed to himself…
But deep down he somewhat hates himself more for grooming feelings that effortlessly persuades him to wait for Tatsuya’s return… Yes, he’s impatient and he’s torn, but he’ll wait an eternity for his Lover to find his way back home to him… because as much as Tatsuya is fickle in love, Junnosuke himself is one clumsy and hopeless romantic.
**the end**
A/N: Yatta, as promised, I did it... I wrote another one shot after so many drabbles *__* but Gosh, this is so 'antsy'.... I may do a part 2 just because I can't bear not seeing my JunDa together forever >.< Per usual, Thank you for reading.... I pray my JunDa craze reaches you *___*
Sequel: Fickle in Love.... Part 2/2
Author: quaint_stories
Category: One Shot
Pairing: Junnosuke Taguchi, Tatsuya Ueda (JunDa)
Rating: G Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I only own the Story... sadly!
Summary: Tatsuya constantly disappears and reappears into Junnosuke's life >.<
Warning: Un-beta-ed.
A/N: … because I'm feeling the JunDa love, as always >.<
Sequel: Fickle in Love.... Part 2/2
Happy Reading ^^
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Junnosuke opened the door to the smiling Tatsuya who stood with his traveling bag in hand.
“Yo”, was how he greeted the stunned Junnosuke for he knew that alone was enough to get the other’s forgiveness. It’s been eight months since Tatsuya left without a trace. After a year and half of pure courting, romance, partnership and love, he just found himself packing one morning and before he knew it he left without spoken words to the sleeping man beside him in bed. This nomadic behavior of his was a known bad habit, a painful habit, so when Junnosuke awoke to an empty bed and apartment, he knew Tatsuya was once again gone with the wind.
Yet, Junnosuke had always convinced himself that one day his patient love will tame the wild and roaming Tatsuya, and so that day when Tatsuya stood in his doorway, with his traveling bag in hand and his most beautiful smile with “Yo” as his only greeting, his heart tingled with happiness… he looked at the once goldilocks man standing in front of him…
“You’re back”, Junnosuke stood relieved and happy for his lover’s return, “I’ve been waiting for you… I missed you”, he confessed.
“Tadaima [I’m home]. I missed you too”, he cleared his throat, “about the last time, gomen ne”, he was being sincere.
“It’s ok. You can’t change who you are” Junnosuke shuffled two steps closer to Tatsuya, “what’s important is that you’re back… you’ve found your way back to me”, his heart was swelling with contentment. He was so jittery from Tatsuya’s presence that all he wanted to do was leap in the hallway, hug the man, and cry his heart out about how much he’d missed him and how he’d dreamt about the day when they shall finally meet again.
The two men stood shyly eying each other. The tension was high. The silence was awkward, “Come in, I’ll make you some coffee”, eyes still lingering on Tatsuya, “same way right?”
“Un [yes]”, Tatsuya smiled at him
“So where have you been? What have you been up to?, Junnosuke probed from across the kitchen as if making sure to never let Tatsuya out his sight this time around.
“Nowhere but everywhere”, Tatsuya answered in a long sigh, “I’ve been a hippie for the last couple of months”
“Mao [well], the indie rock look suits you”, Junnosuke teased trying to lighten the tension. He took a full glance and further observed, “your hair, it’s black again and long enough to pull back into a ponytail”, he momentarily stopped, his glaze lingered on Tatsuya, “it really suits you, it highlights your piercing eyes and beautiful nose”, he continued to stare as if taking all he could get from that very moment.
Tatsuya smiled, “thank goodness I can play the guitar and the piano. I played at clubs sometimes and other times I’d play at random parks or busy sidewalks just to earn enough for a meal and a room”, he paced the floor looking around the familiar apartment… memories of just months before with Junnosuke reenacted in his mind.
“And now?” Junnosuke hesitantly asked, “What do you plan to do now?”
“Now”, he hesitated looking on a photo framed with him and Junnosuke. It was from the time they went to the arcade. He smiled at the memory, “I was hoping to stick around”, he answered, “but that is of course if you want me to”, he said as if seeking permission.
There was silence as Junnosuke desperately searched for milk in the refrigerator. Upon finding it, he closed the fridge door and went across to the coffee pot, poured coffee into a blue teacup with ‘Uepi’ engraved on it, added 2 spoonful of sugar, milk, nutmeg and cinnamon, stirred its content then walked over to Tatsuya handing him his cup of coffee, “just the way you like it”, a smile of relief crept on his face, “Okaeri [welcome home]”.
Nothing could’ve prepared Junnosuke for the day when his heart would beat that restlessly from anxiety at the return of his love. Tatsuya was back. Yes, he came back to him and no way could he control his blooming love for the man who constantly walked in and out of his life, a love that seemed to blossom with every “Yo” of his return at his doorstep.
Lost in his thoughts, he nervously moved around the kitchen, ‘what now? how should I move things from here’. His mind went numb as he felt himself being enveloped into a warm embrace. It was familiar. It was comfortable. And it felt like home. His heart skipped beats and his stomach knotted as Tatsuya buried his head into his shoulder and pulled him tighter into the embrace. Junnosuke’s heart vibrated at the subtle gesture.
**fickle in love**
Since Tatsuya’s return last autumn, things went smoothly. It’s like they have fallen deeply back into their element and this was their special relationship. They were always at ease with each other and it didn’t take long for them to reconnect and make up for lost months… their lost times. Junnosuke was on high… Gaming, Broadway dancing and Tatsuya… to him, his world was perfect.
Tatsuya was no different. Protected in a healing companionship with Junnosuke, he’d easily tapped into his artistic ability and was re-hired as a producer at a music recording company. Every blissful day with Junnosuke brought him inspiration to create music, with love and music, he was mighty powerful.
Evening times were most clichéd but delightful. After gym they would both a take a stroll in the park and if they had enough time, they would walk down to the beach and along the shore. Sometimes, they would be all chatty, other times they were as silent as the wind, just freely enjoying each other's company. They acted like the previous months of loneliness and misery never happened… they fitted the pieces of the puzzle all too easily.
**fickle in love**
It was Saturday. The summer sky was blue and its radiance was beyond perfect for any outdoor romance. Tatsuya stirred in his sleep as the morning sun hit his bare skin. He gave out a low moan, stretched his perfect limbs and struggled to open his eyes against the morning glare.
“Morning sleepy head”, Junnosuke greeted him, his mood was that of happiness, that of contentment.
“Morning sunshine”, Tatsuya’s sleepy voice was as sexy as ever. Junnosuke’s smile grew wider. His love bloomed every day for the beauty in his bed, “what are you doing down there?”
“Let’s go on a road trip”, Junnosuke responded with enthusiasm.
Tatsuya looked through the window, “the weather is perfect. Where to?”
“Nowhere but anywhere”, Junnosuke beamed, “let’s just head East along the coast and enjoy everything along the way”, he walked over and sat on the bed, tenderness drawn on his face, “anywhere with you is where I want to go”. Tatsuya clasped Junnosuke’s hands and smiled.
In thirty minutes they were out the apartment and on the road. The only map in hand was their hearts. The two felt at ease in the other’s company. Music blasted from the jeep stereo and their energy heightened as they both sang songs from their favourite artists - Gackt and Perfume. It’s like a mobile karaoke on the road as the duo sang on top of their lungs mimicking every rhythm and beat of the song selection. Loud laughter splattered in the air as the tension of the happy go getter duos raised and raised. Twenty minutes later they pulled up at a fruit and vegetable market then strolled down to a side walk café for breakfast. Their next stop was at a flea market. Weirdly enough they both had a special interest in flea markets because there were always the odds of finding something ‘one of a kind’ suiting their taste. They walked around the busy sales tents until Tatsuya spotted something.
“I’ll take this”, he pointed to the antique silver trinket.
“That’s a lucky charm” the sales lady beamed at him as she handed him the jewelry.
“That’s what I’m hoping for”, Tatsuya winked at her then turned to Junnosuke, “give me your hand”, though confused, Junnosuke complied, “I’m giving this lucky charm to you”, a radiant and warm smile blushed his face at his spoken words as he slipped the ring onto Junnosuke’s finger.
“This feels like a commitment ring”. Junnosuke was bloated with happiness.
“Un. It is”, Tatsuya confirmed, “Now come, let’s go”, he stretched his hand to cradle his lover’s.
By midday they had arrived at the zoo. Watching the various animals, Junnosuke was in buzzing excitement.
“I think I’m a giraffe”, he abruptly stated.
Not surprised, Tatsuya played along with his ‘crazy’ boyfriend, “why?’. Oh wait, let me guess”, Tatsuya stopped and pretended to be contemplating; “because you’re tall right?” a soft giggle escaped his cherry lips.
Junnosuke laughed, “and you. What animal are you?”
“Me?. Uhmm. None.”
“Not fair”, Junnosuke whined
Tatsuya chuckled at his antics and brought his fingers to playfully brush against Junnosuke’s nose, “Do you really want know why?” and without waiting for an answer, “I want to be the owner of the giraffe”, his confession was as blunt as a sharpen knife and Junnosuke smiled and blushed at this.
By sunset, they spotted a temple on a hill and decided to make it their last stop before they headed back home. The temple yard was quiet and quaint looking. It looked very pristine. “Let’s go”, Junnosuke motioned to Tatsuya to take his hand as they walked towards a ‘wishing well’. On reaching, they both hesitated and stared at the well. Junnosuke released Tatsuya’s hand, “go on, make a wish”, as he himself tossed a coin, clapped twice then tightly clasped his hands, eyes closed and he made his wish, they both made their wish yet they lingered at the spot looking down into the well… they were both curious about the other’s wish but were too afraid to ask. Overwhelmed, Tatsuya attached himself to Junnosuke’s arm and began walking back to the car. That moment felt right, with an overflow of happiness that is so intricate and delicate to describe only with words. It’s a feeling only they know. .
Driving back was as quite as they were loud coming. Neither wanted the day to end. It was a special happiness and this Summer’s Day will never be forgotten by neither of them. Yet, what’s this feeling? With the sunset nearly setting they let the roof of the convertible down and the evening wind was most compelling in soothing their tension. The orange sunset painted itself against the sky. Maybe they both looked at it and saw something different, but for sure, this sunset will connect them in a special way forever.
“Let’s stop here for a bit” Tatsuya abruptly asked of Junnosuke who wordlessly complied.
“kirei na [it’s beautiful]”, Tatsuya whispered loud enough for Junnosuke to hear against the splashing waves.
“Un. Beautiful and mysterious like someone I know”, Junnosuke halfheartedly teased.
“Eh, I wonder who that is?” a playful smile carved itself onto his lips, “and I was thinking it reminded me of someone who’s as sparkling and free”, Tatsuya looked over his shoulder at his partner.
“Oh, is that so?” Junnosuke playfully bounced against Tatsuya, who responded by affectionately leaning backwards against his lover.
Staring out at the vast blue ocean, the sunset glistened across the waters. A ship sailed on without urgency. It was heading out at sea to meet the setting sun it seemed, “Where do you think the horizon ends?” Junnosuke asked without looking at Tatsuya
“uhmm, I wonder how near it is”, he sighed, “but I pray whoever sails towards it will find it”, absentmindedly, he continued to stare at the small ship sailing towards the horizon, “I really pray that they find the horizon they are looking for”, he repeated. Somehow this made Junnosuke uneasy.
“Tatchan”, Junnosuke finally turned to face his lover, “let’s sail to the horizon together?” his brown eyes sparkled in the evening sunlight.
“That’s all I ever want Junno”, he walked closer and affectionately embraced the madly in love Junnosuke. Tatsuya buried his face into his lover’s shoulder and gently rocked himself into his arms as if wanting to be consoled. Uneasiness compelled Junnosuke to pull him into a tighter embrace, he was holding on tightly for more reasons than one. He could sense it. Though his heart fluttered at being wanted by Tatsuya and he felt full at being the one Tatsuya loves, at the same time his heart ached at witnessing a hidden despair in Tatsuya’s embrace.
“Tatchan”, he called, chin resting in the other’s hair, “I will always be here for you”.
Tatsuya smiled into Junnosuke’s shoulder, “Arigatou”.
“I love you”, Junnosuke confessed, “I love you like life itself”.
“There’s been no one like you… and I can’t deny the way that I’ve treated you… but I love you… I’m in love with you too Jun”, he lifted his head to meet Junnosuke’s eyes, “I know I’m being selfish, but promise to always be here for me”, his eyes boiled with sadness.
Junnosuke brought his lips to meet Tatsuya’s without kissing, just feeling the warm skin against his was enough… then gradually, they searched with small movements then later delved deeper into each other’s soul. Emotions were bursting. Knotted emotions of love and compassion and of regret and contentment… of happiness and sadness… and of loneliness and hope caused them to grip tighter into each other; their hearts flinched even as they sucked each other dry. With knees buckling and heart’s vibrating, their kisses grew slow but passionate… that was their message to each other, the unspoken words that only they alone can understand. For reasons unspoken they could both taste each other’s’ salty tears and that taste only caused things to intensify as Tatsuya tip toed into Junnosuke tenderness who heaved him to stand on his own feet without breaking the kiss. They were romantically snuggled into each other, unbelievably intertwined mind, body and soul. Knees buckling, their bodies silhouette against the orange backdrop… picture perfect in each other’s embrace.
**fickle in love**
It’s summer’s end. The Sunday morning sun was warm and its golden gleam illuminated the bedroom. Junnosuke stirred at the warm sensation. Eyes still closed he stretched across to pull the sleeping Tatsuya into his embrace. Eyes still closed, he hesitantly yet frantically searched for his supposedly sleeping partner. Eyes still closed, his trembling fingers found themselves fondling a piece of paper. Eyes still closed, he sighed at the realization of his most feared moment. He pulled the paper to him, and slowly opened his sadden eyes. The moment felt like grenades popping all around him:
My Dearest Junnosuke,
You must know that writing this is most painful for me… saying goodbye to you again is most certainly breaking my heart. But no matter what, I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you Junnosuke, and only you. I also want you to know that I didn’t want to leave. I wish I could forever stay with you here in our paradise. But something inside me keeps taking me away. It’s the world out there. It’s the horizon with its fancy dreams… It’s the freedom and possibilities I hunger to encounter. Junnosuke, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, and I can’t stop until I find it. I’m greedy and I’m selfish so before I settle into you completely, the wildness in my blood boils for another unknown adventure. I hope you can forgive me…. Jun, please wait for me and please forgive me when I face you again, because you promised.
- Aishiteru, Tatsuya
On reading those teeth clenching words, Junnosuke’s heart rigged with pain and sank with disappointment. His heart was swollen with so much love for Tatsuya that to imagine a complete and happy life without him was unthinkable. He would have given up almost anything to be with the love of his life… he would have sacrificed anything for the fickle Tatsuya… his Tatchan. His head ached in frustration.
‘Love is painful’, he grumbled bitterly flinging himself across the bed.
Crumpling the love note and tossing it in the bin, Junnosuke sat up in bed and looked around the room devoid of Tatsuya’s belongings. In an obvious grumpy mood, he dragged himself out of bed and walked to the bathroom… he took a shower and got dressed then ritually hauled himself to the kitchen where he prepared breakfast for one. Glancing over at the ticking clock on the bare wall, he started out the apartment after grabbing his jacket, his car keys and his antique finished commitment ring. But, as if compelled by uneasiness he walked back inside, retrieved the note from the trash, unwrinkled it and delicately laid it in his drawers with the stack of previous letters.
“I really hate you Ueda Tatsuya”, he inwardly cursed to himself…
But deep down he somewhat hates himself more for grooming feelings that effortlessly persuades him to wait for Tatsuya’s return… Yes, he’s impatient and he’s torn, but he’ll wait an eternity for his Lover to find his way back home to him… because as much as Tatsuya is fickle in love, Junnosuke himself is one clumsy and hopeless romantic.
**the end**
A/N: Yatta, as promised, I did it... I wrote another one shot after so many drabbles *__* but Gosh, this is so 'antsy'.... I may do a part 2 just because I can't bear not seeing my JunDa together forever >.< Per usual, Thank you for reading.... I pray my JunDa craze reaches you *___*
Sequel: Fickle in Love.... Part 2/2