Where's Waldo Hammond salmon avacado cheeseburgers
Dear my subconscious: wtf is with you and Richard Hammond going missing??
James May and I were in a big supermarket (rather like the Whole Foods in Portland) and were playing a sort of "Where's Waldo?" game...only Hammond was "Waldo" and we were supposed to find him. (Probably at least partially inspired by the rl Where's Waldo game being held in Portland today, but I digress.) I think we were all three sitting at one of the big wooden tables beforehand waiting to start the game. Hammond seemed nervous about something, so I gave his hand a friendly pat/squeeze, then wondered if that was the kind of thing Mindy would have gotten angry about. Then we all got up and Hammond wandered off with some of the crew to disappear and the game was on.
I think the challenge was mainly for me at first, because surely James would have recognized him? But he could be in disguise, or have cut his hair, or something. I saw one person with VERY short dark hair, like buzzcut scalp short, with about the same build, but it wasn't him...saw another with short spiky dark hair but a sort of rattail at the back, but it was a woman...nope.
Finally we started wandering through the market. There were nifty food sample displays, and one with whole fist-sized avacado cheeseburgers. NOM. I took one and started eating, and it was solid pink on the inside. I was about to complain (OMG ECOLI!!!), but then I saw it was a salmon burger. Mmm, salmon avacado cheeseburger. I think I must have been hungry this morning as I was waking up.
Anyway, we kept looking. No Hammond. I think we must have split up at one point, because we met back up by the coffee grounds/grinding machine. I thought surely James would have found him, but nope, no Hammond. (James actually looked quite lost and confused throughout the whole thing). We went back to the cheeseburger sample table, because I said well, that'd be Hammond's kind of place alright, and James heartily agreed...and guess who was there, stuffing his face with burger and grinning at us like an idiot!
He looked so smug and we were so frustrated at having looked for him so long (but were also so glad to see him) that I jumped up and got him in a headlock. I asked James if he wanted me to keep him there for him - I think there was some danger of him running off again and disappearing so we'd have to go looking again. I don't remember if James answered, but Hammond didn't say anything either, which I thought seemed a bit out of character when someone had him in a headlock. He put me down very gently and recovered his noggin, but still didn't say anything...just kept grinning at us in an odd sort of way. I started to wonder if he was ill or something and asked James about it, but he didn't know wtf was up either. (Come to think of it, it was rather like the way he kept grinning when he was seasick in that one episode where he and James had to race somewhere in a boat, so he very well might have been ill.)
I wondered if maybe there was something more to the game that he wasn't telling us, though, and that his not speaking was some sort of clue. There was a definite "I know something you don't know" kind of smugness to it, certainly. But I woke up before I could find out what it was.
If, the next time I am in Portland, the Whole Foods does not actually have sample salmon avacado cheeseburgers, I shall be utterly gutted.
Q