dividing keratin

[qthewetsprocket]

much as i like the phrase 'stark bollocks naked', i have just realized it's a bit gender-discriminating. what can we call women when they find themselves unexpectedly bareassed...'stark rosebud naked'? 'stark labia naked

Comments

[jblum]

Well, for it to work as well as a phrase, the sound's got to have the same percussive effect as "bollock" does -- that word sounds like a proper blunt instrument, it does. All b's and k's.

Which rather limits the available words to choose from...!

[qthewetsprocket]

personally, i've always rather liked the all-gender-inclusive phrase 'mother-naked' - ie, how you came out of your mum - but a) i've only ever heard it used once (in how i won the war, which, yes, i did have to rack my memory a good bit before i remembered), and b) i can see how it might conjure up some unpleasant and unintentionally incestuous images for some folk who might not immediately get the whole 'birthday suit' angle of it. :)

anyway, 'stark mother naked' isn't as percussive, but it does flow off the tongue a little better. um. so to speak.

[jblum]

I like the phrase, but it doesn't have quite as much impact as good ol' "butt-naked". Or as someone somewhere that I vaguely remember came out with, "LIKE TOTALLY ASS NAKED". I think the caps were important there.

We spent some time trying to come up with a good female version of the phrase, and the best I think we could manage was "stark clit-shivering naked". I think the assonance (as it were) works there...

[qthewetsprocket]

"butt-naked"

ohyeah! i forgot about that one. :) or, if you're naked and up to something (or from somewhere south of the mason-dixon line): 'butt-nekkid'.

"LIKE TOTALLY ASS NAKED". I think the caps were important there.

*nods* as is the 'like totally', i feel.

"stark clit-shivering naked"

:D

of course, that works better if it's cold...however, i am hereby officially nicking the phrase 'clit-shivering' for my own personal use, as it is far too awesome a pair of words not to say together.

'and then, out of nowhere, there was this BIGASS HUGE CLIT-SHIVERING BOLT OF LIGHTNING...'

[kateorman]

... where the hell did I pick up the expression "airin' mah thang"?

[qthewetsprocket]

heh! doesn't have quite the same meaning, but i think i like it as a euphemism: 'what are you doing in the bedroom, dear?' 'airing my grievances'.

[jblum]

It was from some womens' magazine article you'd photocopied, courtesy of the author's Texan friend. :-)

[kateorman]

Ah - I think it was the same article that gave us "I'm bleeding like a stuck pig, how are you?"

[captainlucy]

It works for both men and women (though only in a strictly British sense, as we sometimes refer to breasts as "top bollocks") so rather than being a bit gender-discriminating, it's more altitude-discriminating. :)

[qthewetsprocket]

we sometimes refer to breasts as "top bollocks"

really?? how bizarre...i've sometimes referred to man-boobs as 'chesticles', but that was for a bloke so it seemed appropriate.

*vows from this day forward to call testicles 'crotch boobs'*