Four times Sangil felt alone and one time he didn't (oneshot)
Title: Four times Sangil felt alone and one time he didn't.
Pairing: None
Genre: genfic, slight angst
Word Count: 1309
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Summary: He misses them and can't do anything about it.
He takes a deep breath, running his thumb over the numbers. Another breath and he dials, the sequence so embedded in his memory he doesn't need to check and make sure he pressed the right ones. One ring, two, and then a click and his heart thumps hard against his chest.
"Hello?" A sleepy voice mumbles on the other end.
"H... Hanyeon-hyung?" His voice catches awkwardly in his throat and he squeaks. It shouldn't be this hard.
A groan, and Sangil recognizes the sound, imagines Hanyeon stretching on a couch after a member catches him taking a nap while they're supposed to be getting ready to do. Again. He feels the tension ease in his chest and he laughs, too quietly for Hanyeon to hear.
"You there?" he asks again after a minute. Another groan, this time one of affirmation. "I saw your debut today. You and Jinwoong-hyung were great." He isn't completely sure if Hanyeon hears him, or if he does hear him, if he can understand him in his half-asleep state. Hanyeon stays quiet, and after five minutes Sangil wonders if he should just hang up and let him sleep.
But then. "Sangil?" His voice is still rough, sleepy.
"Yes, hyung?"
"Are we running late?" Sangil frowns.
"What?"
"How much time do I have until we have to go?" Another groan, he's stretching again. "Have you woken up Inseok yet? Make Changhyun start breakfast, I'm starving." Something tightens in Sangil's chest as he forces himself to laugh, tears stinging his eyes.
"Hyung... we're on the phone." A pause.
"Why aren't you here?" He forces another laugh, voice breaking and his cheeks are wet.
"Hyung, we don't live together anymore. I'm not there. Inseok and Changhyun aren't there." There's shuffling and then a tired laugh.
"Oh yeah, I forgot." He yawns. "It's been a while. How are you, Sangil?"
"I-I'm..." He feels more tears coming but swipes them away. "I'm great. Just great. How are you doing? Working hard?"
Hanyeon laughs and the familiarity of the sound dazes him, taking him back to days where he didn't wake up in his own house, in his own bed. When he had a crammed, hellish schedule that he cursed. When he was tired and stressed and overworked but so happy.
"I'm good," Hanyeon finally answers. "Jinwoong says hi, I'm not sure where he is or I'd put him on the phone..." A female voice calls off somewhere in the background. "I need to go, Sangil. Call again soon, okay?"
"Sure, hyung," he says quietly before hanging up. He lets himself fall back onto the bed, and wishes more than anything he didn't have to wake up alone.
"It was only a dream," he reminds himself. Junyeon* eyes his suspiciously from his seat next to him.
"You talk to yourself often?" Sangil just shakes his head, smiling. That placates Junyeon well enough, and he wanders off to the other side of the set to bother Younggi*. Sangil leans his head back, slouching into his chair.
"Just a dream..." he whispers, closing his eyes. And yet, when he does so, he can still hear the words, clear as the day they were spoken.
"I seriously wish you were gone." Inseok, bent over a hideous cake and not really meaning it.
But he still wonders if Inseok realizes he got his wish.
He knows he should stop this, that something about what he's doing is crossing a strange, creepy line. But every day he finds himself wandering cyworld, wandering their daum, watching their videos. It doesn't help that SHU-I is putting out new videos at least once a week now.
Inseok is less sarcastic now. Changhyun seems even taller. Changhyun is still a better leader than Inseok, but Inseok doesn't seem to realize it. The other three worship them completely and it's easy to see why. They're closer now, a better team. They so rarely spent any time together before, the idea is strange to Sangil. He watches as Inseok dances around with one of the others. Minho is his name, if he remembers correctly.
The video ends and he hits the play button for the tenth time that night.
His heart's pounding, palms sweaty and he swallows hard. He stares blankly at his cell phone's screen, thinking that something must be wrong here.
1 Missed Call- Jinwoong
He fumbles for the call back button, holding his breath as it rings. He speaks as soon as he hears it pick up.
"Jinwoong-hyung? I'm so sorry I missed your call! I was shopping and I didn't-"
A bright laugh, female, definitely not Jinwoong.
"I'm sorry," she says. "Who is this?" Sangil pauses.
"I'm sorry, I must have called the wrong number," he mutters. "I was looking for someone named Jinwoong?"
"Oh, no, you have the right number!" she says quickly. "Jinwoong is in an interview right now and left his phone with me. My name is Lika." The name is familiar, one of the two girls in Jinwoong and Hanyeon's new group. "Who is this? I'll tell him to call you back once he's done." A pause. "Though he might not be able to. We have a photoshoot after this and then we're doing a commercial..."
"Just tell him Sangil called him back," he replies. "He can call me whenever he's free, or if he has no time I understand. Just tell him I'm sorry I missed his call."
"I'll tell him as soon as he's back, Sangil," she chirps into the phone, and he mumbles a quick, "thank you" before hanging up.
The new year came and went over a week ago and Sangil wanders what he should do. He hasn't signed with a company yet, despite a few good offers. None of them have what he wants. What's the point of training again, going through all that hard work, when he'll never really end up where he wants to be?
He did this to himself.
"Sangil, get out of bed already," his mother calls through his door. "It's your birthday, you should go out with your friends!"
"I will later," he groans, pulling his blanket over his head. It's not a lie, he has plans to go shopping and have dinner with a few of his friends. Until then, though, he wants nothing more than to stay in bed and think. It's all he can do.
SHU-I hasn't done anything lately; B2Y is in Japan. He doesn't know what they're doing and it kills him. If R-eal had made it, they wouldn't be like this. If R-eal had made it, his life wouldn't be like this. His goals and ambition went down the drain along with R-eal and he isn't strong enough to fix it without them. His cell phones buzzes, a new text message. He sighs, it's probably a birthday wish from one of the countless friends he doesn't feel like talking to right now. Half a second after it finishes, it vibrates again, moving across his desk.
"Just leave me alone," he whines, pulling the blanket tighter around him. It stops, but once again only for about a minute before it's working its way toward the edge of his desk. Now he's curious and he emerges from his covers, shivering at the slight difference in temperature. The buzzing stops and he waits. One minutes passes, nothing. Two minutes, still nothing. He sighs, gathering his blanket back up. And then it starts again, his cell phone toppling over the edge and clattering onto his floor. He gets to his feet and picks it up.
Four new text messages, all from unknown numbers. Beyond suspicious. He opens them, one by one, tears welling up and spilling over until he's sitting on the edge of his bed, laughing and crying.
"We."
"Believe."
"In."
"You."
* Two contestants on the show Uljjang Shidae which Sangil took part in during Summer 2009
Pairing: None
Genre: genfic, slight angst
Word Count: 1309
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Summary: He misses them and can't do anything about it.
He takes a deep breath, running his thumb over the numbers. Another breath and he dials, the sequence so embedded in his memory he doesn't need to check and make sure he pressed the right ones. One ring, two, and then a click and his heart thumps hard against his chest.
"Hello?" A sleepy voice mumbles on the other end.
"H... Hanyeon-hyung?" His voice catches awkwardly in his throat and he squeaks. It shouldn't be this hard.
A groan, and Sangil recognizes the sound, imagines Hanyeon stretching on a couch after a member catches him taking a nap while they're supposed to be getting ready to do. Again. He feels the tension ease in his chest and he laughs, too quietly for Hanyeon to hear.
"You there?" he asks again after a minute. Another groan, this time one of affirmation. "I saw your debut today. You and Jinwoong-hyung were great." He isn't completely sure if Hanyeon hears him, or if he does hear him, if he can understand him in his half-asleep state. Hanyeon stays quiet, and after five minutes Sangil wonders if he should just hang up and let him sleep.
But then. "Sangil?" His voice is still rough, sleepy.
"Yes, hyung?"
"Are we running late?" Sangil frowns.
"What?"
"How much time do I have until we have to go?" Another groan, he's stretching again. "Have you woken up Inseok yet? Make Changhyun start breakfast, I'm starving." Something tightens in Sangil's chest as he forces himself to laugh, tears stinging his eyes.
"Hyung... we're on the phone." A pause.
"Why aren't you here?" He forces another laugh, voice breaking and his cheeks are wet.
"Hyung, we don't live together anymore. I'm not there. Inseok and Changhyun aren't there." There's shuffling and then a tired laugh.
"Oh yeah, I forgot." He yawns. "It's been a while. How are you, Sangil?"
"I-I'm..." He feels more tears coming but swipes them away. "I'm great. Just great. How are you doing? Working hard?"
Hanyeon laughs and the familiarity of the sound dazes him, taking him back to days where he didn't wake up in his own house, in his own bed. When he had a crammed, hellish schedule that he cursed. When he was tired and stressed and overworked but so happy.
"I'm good," Hanyeon finally answers. "Jinwoong says hi, I'm not sure where he is or I'd put him on the phone..." A female voice calls off somewhere in the background. "I need to go, Sangil. Call again soon, okay?"
"Sure, hyung," he says quietly before hanging up. He lets himself fall back onto the bed, and wishes more than anything he didn't have to wake up alone.
"It was only a dream," he reminds himself. Junyeon* eyes his suspiciously from his seat next to him.
"You talk to yourself often?" Sangil just shakes his head, smiling. That placates Junyeon well enough, and he wanders off to the other side of the set to bother Younggi*. Sangil leans his head back, slouching into his chair.
"Just a dream..." he whispers, closing his eyes. And yet, when he does so, he can still hear the words, clear as the day they were spoken.
"I seriously wish you were gone." Inseok, bent over a hideous cake and not really meaning it.
But he still wonders if Inseok realizes he got his wish.
He knows he should stop this, that something about what he's doing is crossing a strange, creepy line. But every day he finds himself wandering cyworld, wandering their daum, watching their videos. It doesn't help that SHU-I is putting out new videos at least once a week now.
Inseok is less sarcastic now. Changhyun seems even taller. Changhyun is still a better leader than Inseok, but Inseok doesn't seem to realize it. The other three worship them completely and it's easy to see why. They're closer now, a better team. They so rarely spent any time together before, the idea is strange to Sangil. He watches as Inseok dances around with one of the others. Minho is his name, if he remembers correctly.
The video ends and he hits the play button for the tenth time that night.
His heart's pounding, palms sweaty and he swallows hard. He stares blankly at his cell phone's screen, thinking that something must be wrong here.
1 Missed Call- Jinwoong
He fumbles for the call back button, holding his breath as it rings. He speaks as soon as he hears it pick up.
"Jinwoong-hyung? I'm so sorry I missed your call! I was shopping and I didn't-"
A bright laugh, female, definitely not Jinwoong.
"I'm sorry," she says. "Who is this?" Sangil pauses.
"I'm sorry, I must have called the wrong number," he mutters. "I was looking for someone named Jinwoong?"
"Oh, no, you have the right number!" she says quickly. "Jinwoong is in an interview right now and left his phone with me. My name is Lika." The name is familiar, one of the two girls in Jinwoong and Hanyeon's new group. "Who is this? I'll tell him to call you back once he's done." A pause. "Though he might not be able to. We have a photoshoot after this and then we're doing a commercial..."
"Just tell him Sangil called him back," he replies. "He can call me whenever he's free, or if he has no time I understand. Just tell him I'm sorry I missed his call."
"I'll tell him as soon as he's back, Sangil," she chirps into the phone, and he mumbles a quick, "thank you" before hanging up.
The new year came and went over a week ago and Sangil wanders what he should do. He hasn't signed with a company yet, despite a few good offers. None of them have what he wants. What's the point of training again, going through all that hard work, when he'll never really end up where he wants to be?
He did this to himself.
"Sangil, get out of bed already," his mother calls through his door. "It's your birthday, you should go out with your friends!"
"I will later," he groans, pulling his blanket over his head. It's not a lie, he has plans to go shopping and have dinner with a few of his friends. Until then, though, he wants nothing more than to stay in bed and think. It's all he can do.
SHU-I hasn't done anything lately; B2Y is in Japan. He doesn't know what they're doing and it kills him. If R-eal had made it, they wouldn't be like this. If R-eal had made it, his life wouldn't be like this. His goals and ambition went down the drain along with R-eal and he isn't strong enough to fix it without them. His cell phones buzzes, a new text message. He sighs, it's probably a birthday wish from one of the countless friends he doesn't feel like talking to right now. Half a second after it finishes, it vibrates again, moving across his desk.
"Just leave me alone," he whines, pulling the blanket tighter around him. It stops, but once again only for about a minute before it's working its way toward the edge of his desk. Now he's curious and he emerges from his covers, shivering at the slight difference in temperature. The buzzing stops and he waits. One minutes passes, nothing. Two minutes, still nothing. He sighs, gathering his blanket back up. And then it starts again, his cell phone toppling over the edge and clattering onto his floor. He gets to his feet and picks it up.
Four new text messages, all from unknown numbers. Beyond suspicious. He opens them, one by one, tears welling up and spilling over until he's sitting on the edge of his bed, laughing and crying.
"We."
"Believe."
"In."
"You."
* Two contestants on the show Uljjang Shidae which Sangil took part in during Summer 2009