Life is a Playground (oneshot)
Title: Life is a Playground
Pairing: KangTeuk, TeukChul, HanChul
Genre: university!AU, romance
Word Count: 5411
Warnings: Language, sexual situations
Summary: A mix of memories and pointless arguments, because sometimes there just isn't anything wrong.
A/N: My sad attempt at writing something beautiful. This fic has been on my mind for weeks, which is why it got done before I updated my multichaptered.
Jungsu-hyung,
I'm moving in tomorrow. We're going to be at the same school again! Isn't that exciting? I can't wait to see you. Hope you read this.
Youngwoon
He flipped his cell closed, running his thumb along the plastic a moment before shoving it into his jeans pocket. He didn't expect an answer, after all he was fairly certain Jungsu had changed his number months ago. After almost six years of rare and unreliable emails and texts, Jungsu's replies stopped coming when Youngwoon informed him of where he was applying to university.
Were it anyone else, he would've taken the hint and left them alone. Were it anyone else, he would've felt insulted. But it wasn't anyone else; it was Jungsu.
***
The first day of junior high school was nerve-wracking enough without Youngwoon's mother voicing every single worst-case scenario as she was hurrying him out their front door.
“If you get lost on the way, don't panic. Your teacher won't scold you too badly for being late. Your classmates won't hate you, but if they do, don't feel bad. If you get bullied, don't worry, it will get better. Bullies are more afraid of you than you are of them, remember that! Try to keep up in class and not fall behind. If you find school is hard, you can always drop out and become a mechanic. Wouldn't that make your father proud? But don't worry, I'm sure you're very, very smart, Youngwoon. Now have a great first day, honey!”
The screen door slamming behind him, twelve-year-old Youngwoon gripped the straps on his backpack, considering how long it would take his mother to find him if he hid in the backyard all day. No, she would be expecting that. He shook his head, sighing and stepping off their front porch. All around his neighborhood, kids were starting on their way to school, but they were all older, high school-aged kids heading to the Lee Soo Man High School just up the street. His junior high, which he couldn't recall the name of to save his life, was a much farther walk, and one he would be making every day on his own for the next two years because his mother refused to “coddle” him by giving him a ride.
He paused at the gates of Lee Soo Man High School,watching the older teens walk in and around the school grounds. They looked carefree, the giggling girls and boys crowded around the basketball court. Older kids seemed to have no problems- they didn't have to start a new school with no friends and no idea where their classroom was. Or at least, that's what Youngwoon's twelve-year-old mind was convinced of at the time. He was pulled from his envious musings by a thud to his left. Down at the end of the gate, three uniformed boys huddled around a fourth, slightly smaller form. One of the boys, his schoolbag tucked under his arm, shoved the surrounded boy, laughing.
“Yah, kid. What do you think you're doing, wearing that uniform? You should run back to elementary school.” His friends chuckled, nodding and grinning at the small boy who was shrinking back against the wall. He shook his head feebly, long bangs falling in his face. The leader frowned, giving the thin shoulder another rough shove. “Yah, are you even a man? C'mon, answer me!”
“Leave him alone!” He didn't know how he'd gotten so close to the group and he certainly didn't know what had caused him to call out, but suddenly the three, older and much bigger, boys were glowering at him, their attention quickly diverted from their non responsive first prey. The leader grinned, eyeing Youngwoon's uniform.
“And who says we should listen to some scrawny junior high kid?” he sneered, reaching out and clamping onto his shoulder. Youngwoon wasn't sure where his confidence came from as he flipped out his cell phone and responded:
“My dad. The principal of Lee Soo Man High School.” The older boy's eyes faltered, and his hand shrank back to his side.
“Principal Kim?” he asked nervously, glancing back at his friends as if wondering whether or not to believe the kid before him.
“I heard Kim has a kid,” one responded, shifting on his feet and looking up at the ominous windows of the high school building. The boy in front of Youngwoon let out a small grunt of frustration and shoved past him, motioning for his friends to follow.
As soon as they were gone, Youngwoon sighed, falling to his knees and gripping his chest. His heart was pounding, his palms were sweaty and he mind was swirling. What the hell was wrong with him? Not ten minutes ago he'd been shaking in his sneakers at the thought of merely walking to school, and now he was confronting high schoolers?He blinked, remembering the other boy who was still leaning against the school wall, desperately clutching his backpack in front of him.
He straightened back up, brushing some dirt off his school pants. “Hey, they're gone now. You okay?” The figure nodded slightly, his slightly too-long hair falling farther into his face. Youngwoon sighed, rolling eyes as he approached. He reached out toward the other boy, but he flinched, shrinking back onto the wall. “Hey, don't be such a wuss,” he growled. “Bullies are more afraid of you than you are of them, you know.”
At this, the other looked up and snorted. A pair of pretty, round eyes locked onto Youngwoon's. “Please, everyone knows that's a load of shit.”
“I know, right?” he chuckled, and a dimpled grin burst onto the other boy's face. “What's your name?”
The older boy seemed to think about it a moment before responding, his eyes staring into Youngwoon's. “Jungsu.”
***
After a quick, rough hug from his father and a weepy goodbye from his mother, Youngwoon waved to the quickly disappearing form of their van before heading back into his dormitory. The halls were crammed with boxes and mattresses and students, all clambering to fit themselves into their new, tiny dwellings. He squeezed himself around a stack of cardboard boxes and just barely made it into his room before something crashed outside, followed by curses and shouting.
His roommate- a music major named Jongwoon- was busy setting up a small aquarium while a small turtle wandered along the windowsill. Youngwoon sank onto his bed, staring out the window.
“When did they say the upperclassmen are moving in?”
“Late this afternoon,” Jongwoon replied, his head inside the aquarium as he arranged a few colored rocks. “Freshmen come in the morning so they can get adjusted or whatever.” He glanced at Youngwoon curiously through the glass. “Why, you know someone?”
He smiled to himself. “Kind of.” Jongwoon grinned back, returning to work as he set the turtle inside the tank and watched him moved around. He pulled out one of the rocks as the turtle appeared to struggle around it.
“Is she pretty?"
Youngwoon chuckled. “Yes, very.”
***
“You wouldn't get teased so much if you didn't look so damn girly.”
Jungsu glared in response, stuffing more of his sandwich into his mouth. Youngwoon, long finished eating, swung back and forth on his swing beside the older boy. The playground- their daily meeting place for lunch, strategically placed exactly between Lee Soo Man and the junior high school- was deserted, as usual. It was by some miracle they hadn't gotten caught yet, seeing as neither of their schools allowed the students to leave school grounds for lunch. This fact was one of many on Youngwoon's list of why Park Jungsu and Kim Youngwoon were fated to meet and be best friends.
“Don't you think I know that?” Jungsu muttered. “It's not like I can help what I look like. Besides,” he paused, flashing a grin at Youngwoon. “The girls love pretty boys.” Youngwoon glared at his friend, shoving his feet into the dirt and forcing the swing to a stop. Jungsu laughed, a light high-pitched sound, and took a bite out of his apple.
“I'll believe that,” he replied, grabbing the apple out of Jungsu's hand. “When I see you actually get a girlfriend.” He bit into the fruit, and the older boy's eyes widened.
“Youngwoon...”
“Hm?”
“Wasn't that...” Jungsu smirked. “An indirect kiss?”
Youngwoon's bright turned bright red and he sputtered, pieces of apple flying from his mouth while Jungsu fell out of his swing laughing.
***
Youngwoon managed to keep himself occupied until five p.m. with getting his internet to work, checking his schedule and chatting with Jongwoon. At quarter before five, Jongwoon mumbled something about meeting up with a high school friend and left the room, leaving Youngwoon alone with his anticipation. He managed to fiddle with his computer for a full fifteen minutes before pulling on a sweatshirt and heading out.
As he stepped out of his dormitory, he realized he had no idea where he was going. He knew all the usual campus hang-outs he'd been told about during his tour, but did Jungsu like coffee shops or playing pool or studying on Saturday nights? He knew virtually nothing about Jungsu now, except that he was majoring in music. He cursed to himself and wished he'd asked Jongwoon if there were any particular places music majors went. Then he realized how stupid a question that would have been and started walking toward the center of campus.
As tempted as he was to stop every student he passed and asked if they knew Park Jungsu, he resisted all the way to the gymnasium on the other side of campus. He sank onto a bench outside the imposing building and pulled his hood up over his head. What did he expect, that he'd come to Jungsu's school and just so happen to run into him the same day? Their university wasn't that big, but it was still very unlikely.
A group of students walked by, their voices loud and distracting. Youngwoon glared at them from underneath his hood, their laughter only making his already suffering mood worse. Then a certain noise caught his attention, hidden amongst their collective din- a high, almost annoying laugh that could be heard from a mile away. He stood up, trying to be as discreet as possible as he followed the obnoxious crowd. Again and again he heard the sound and he tried to make out the face it belonged too, until finally one of the figures in the crowd turned around, his arm around the waist of another in the group.
“Hey, asshat,” the man said, his large eyes narrowed and lips in a twisted frown. “What the fuck do you think you're doing?”
But Youngwoon didn't hear him because his attention was entirely focused on the other man attached to his hip. His hair was a little too long, as usual, his bangs falling just perfectly into his face. His round eyes were the same, still sparkling with the laughter Youngwoon had heard mere moments ago. When the other swung him around, he was smiling, but the smile lacked the dimple he was so accustomed to. He took a step closer, and the man with the arm around the object of his scrutiny backed up. The smiling man giggled quietly as he was moved back along with him.
“Um,” Youngwoon began awkwardly. “Are you... Park Jungsu?” The smile faded and his brow furrowed as he frowned. The other spoke before he could.
“Who the fuck are you?” His hold tightened, but his friend patted his arm lightly before looked back to Youngwoon.
“Yes, that's my name, but no one's called me that in years,” he replied, his voice cautious. “Do I know you? Take off that stupid hood.”
“Oh, sorry,” Youngwoon said, laughing slightly and lowering his hood. “Long time no see, Jungsu-hyung.” Jungsu's eyes widened slightly.
“Youngwoon?” he asked, and the other nodded in reply. The frown deepened. “What are you doing here?”
“I go here-”
“What the hell do you mean, you go here?” Jungsu's voice was sharp as he glared at Youngwoon. The younger man sighed, running a hand through his short here.
“Don't act so surprised, I told you I was applying. And I told you I was coming.”
“I know, but-” Jungsu cut himself off.
“Aha!” Youngwoon laughed. “I knew you didn't change your number!”
“I didn't think you'd actually come here.” His voice was soft as he stared at Youngwoon, who only smiled back.
“Well, that was stupid of you.” Jungsu looked like he was about to reply, but the man next to him cut in.
“Yah, Leeteuk, you going to introduce us to your friend?” The man had longish black hair and smirking lips which went perfectly with his huge eyes.
“Heechul,” Jungsu sighed, crossing his arms before conceding. “This is Youngwoon. We knew each other when I was in high school.” The man named Heechul's eyebrows shot up.
“He went to our school?”
“No,” Jungsu replied, shaking his head. “My first year, before I transferred to our school.” Heechul nodded, still smirking at Youngwoon.
“Well, Youngwoon,” Heechul began, gesturing toward to large group of people. “We don't really have time for full introductions here, so how about you join us? We're heading to a party.” Youngwoon eyed the other man suspiciously.
“Who are you again?” This time Jungsu stepped forward, linking arms with Heechul.
“Youngwoon, this is Heechul. My boyfriend.”
***
Another day, another lunch together on the playground. Jungsu sipped his juice thoughtfully as Youngwoon watched him out of the corner of his eye. The older boy had been quieter than usual that day, both on their walk to school and now during lunch. Scratch that, he'd been acting strangely for the past few weeks. To put it simply, Jungsu had been avoiding him. They usually got together every day after school, but Jungsu had been “busy” every single day this week, and most of last week.
“Youngwoon,” the other's voice interrupted his thoughts. “I got confessed to today.”
He rolled his eyes. “Again? So what?”
“No, it was different.” Jungsu chewed on his straw. “It was a guy.” Youngwoon nearly spit out his drink.
“Did he know you were a guy?!”
Jungsu rolled his eyes. “Yes, of course he did.” An uncomfortable silence fell between them as Youngwoon wiped the juice off his shirt and Jungsu continued to chew on his straw. “What do you think of that kind of thing?” the elder asked after a few minutes.
“Wh-what do you mean?” Youngwoon replied, not meeting Jungsu's eyes.
“You know... a guy liking another guy. Two guys dating.”
He shrugged. “You can't really help who you fall in love with, right?” Jungsu looked over at him, surprise written on his features. “What, you didn't think I was that conservative, did you?”
The elder laughed, smiling the dimpled smile Youngwoon knew and liked so well. “I didn't know what to expect, actually.” This time, the silence that feel between them was just a bit warmer.
***
They sat at a table in a kitchen in a house Youngwoon had never seen before, sipping their bottles of soju and refusing to look at one another. Jungsu's gaze was on the living room, which could be seen through the open kitchen doors. Heechul was lounging on the couch, an arm slung around a foreign exchange student he'd introduced to the entire group- now including Youngwoon- upon arrival.
“So how long have you been...?” Youngwoon asked, trying to get his old friend's attention.
“Gay?” Jungsu finished for him, taking a long swig from his bottle.
“I meant, with Heechul, but I guess you could start there.” Jungsu's eyes slid in his direction. Youngwoon knew he wasn't happy to see him, but he wasn't about to let that put him off. Jungsu sighed.
“Heechul's my best friend from high school. We started dating fairly recently. I don't know how long I've been gay.”
“You've probably always been,” Youngwoon offered, somewhat nervously. He watched the other for a reaction, but Jungsu just took another long drink.
“Probably.”
Several moments of silence passed before Youngwoon couldn't take it anymore. “Jungsu, what's wrong?” For the first time since they ran into each other, Jungsu turned and looked him square in the eye.
“Nothing is wrong. I'm fine.”
“You're a bad liar,” the younger man retorted, frowning.
“I don't get why you came here,” was his reply. “I don't see what you could possibly want from me.”
“How about, I missed you?” Youngwoon said quietly, his gaze steady on Jungsu.
The elder paused, searching Youngwoon's face a moment. “That's it?” Youngwoon laughed a bit out loud.
“Probably not, but that's all I'm saying until you tell me what's wrong.” Jungsu smiled slightly.
“There's nothing wrong and that's the story I'm sticking with,” he replied matter-of-factly. “For now,” he added before winking at Youngwoon and taking another drink. They both chuckled.
“Whatever,” Youngwoon replied, and for the first time that night they smiled, genuinely smiled, at each other.
***
Youngwoon didn't question it when they started holding hands. The habit started in the winter, months after they first met. The first snow, and for once Jungsu hadn't come prepared for the weather. Usually, it was Youngwoon who didn't bring an umbrella and ended up shuffling close to Jungsu as they made their way to or home from school. That day, however, the forecast had called for surprisingly warm weather and clear skies. When the first few flurries landed on their cheeks and hair, Jungsu panicked.
“They didn't call for this! I'm not even wearing a coat,” the older boy whined, glaring at the sky. “Dumbass meteorologists!”
“Calm down,” Youngwoon laughed. “The walk isn't that long. We'll be fine.”
“But what if we get sick?” Jungsu pouted, rubbing his hands together. “My hands are cold already.”
The younger boy rolled his eyes. “Quit whining, you big baby,”he growled, grabbing the other's hands. He rubbed them between his own, blowing on them softly. “Better?” he asked, and he noticed a light blush on Jungsu's face. “What's wrong, feeling feverish already?” He reached out to touch the elder's forehead, but Jungsu backed away, laughing somewhat nervously.
“No, no, I'm fine,” he insisted, rubbing his own hands absentmindedly. “I was just thinking that you've grown a lot since we first met.” Youngwoon grinned.
“I'm taller than you now!” Jungsu rolled his eyes.
“Now you sound like such a little kid.” Before the younger could protest, Jungsu grabbed his hand and pulled him along. They didn't let go as they made their way down the street. They didn't let go until they were at Youngwoon's house and his mother was calling him inside before he caught a cold.
It became a habit they chose to never break.
***
After that awkward reunion, Jungsu seemed to adapt to Youngwoon's sudden presence very quickly. Youngwoon became apart of Jungsu's group, all of which called the older boy, “Leeteuk.”
“It's a nickname he picked up in our high school,” Heechul explained one day over lunch in the cafeteria. “I picked it out. He said he wanted a new name, any name.” When Youngwoon asked why, Heechul only shrugged. “Never asked and he never told me.”
Youngwoon began to spend more and more time in Jungsu's dorm room. Heechul, who was also Jungsu's roommate, had a habit of going out partying and Jungsu didn't always feel like going with. On nights like these, Youngwoon would get a phone call and he'd be there in less than five minutes.
“You don't need to be in such a rush,” Jungsu would say, trying to keep from laughing as Youngwoon stood, panting, outside his door.
Jungsu and “Leeteuk” were two very different people. Leeteuk was playful, almost coy. He flirted around with his group of attractive guy friends, sat on Heechul's lap and made stupid jokes. Leeteuk existed in that group, with Heechul, and he didn't like to interact with Youngwoon if he didn't have to. Leeteuk was warm and open with everyone but Youngwoon. Jungsu became the Jungsu Youngwoon remembered when he visited on those late nights, when Heechul was busy with other people and his boyfriend didn't feel like joining.
Jungsu was quiet and a bit more reserved than Leeteuk. He enjoyed sitting around and chatting along with the occasional bottle of soju to make the conversation more interesting. Jungsu was witty and enjoyed sharing with Youngwoon what he was learning in his major. He sang, and he sang well, and sometimes he let Youngwoon sing along. More than anything, Jungsu liked to talk about the past, their memories, which was a subject Leeteuk avoided like the plague.
“Youngwoon, do you remember when I left?” he asked one night.
“Of course I do.” Youngwoon was stretched out on the floor, resting his head on a few textbooks and one of Jungsu's discarded shirts for comfort. Jungsu sat at his desk, presumably studying music theory though he'd been fiddling idly with his pen for the past half hour.
“You really remember?” The pen stopped moving for a split second as he waited for the answer.
“Yes,” Youngwoon replied, his eyes closed against the harsh fluorescent lighting of the dorm room.
“And...?”
“Just come out and ask me, Jungsu,” the younger man sighed, meeting his gaze from the floor. Jungsu flushed slightly and looked away.
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Of course you don't,” Youngwoon growled and rolled over onto his side. A few moments of silence passed before he decided to change the subject. “Did you know you have a split personality?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” Jungsu snapped, tossing his pen at Youngwoon's head. It bounced off, but he pretended not to notice.
“You act like two different people,” he explained slowly. “When we're with your friends, and when we're here. You're different.”
“No I'm not.”
He sighed again. “Yes, you are. You're the Jungsu I grew up with when we're here, and out there you're the Leeteuk they know. I don't even know who Leeteuk is.”
“Well, I don't know who Jungsu is,” the elder muttered. Youngwoon rolled back over and sat up, staring at Jungsu's profile.
“You're Jungsu, the Jungsu I knew back in junior high school. I don't know why you feel you need to be Leeteuk, but that isn't that Jungsu I know.”
“Youngwoon, you're such a kid,” the other mumbled bitterly. He turned and looked at him with tired eyes. “I've been Leeteuk for the past six years. Leeteuk is all I know, and is who I am. I have no idea who Jungsu is anymore.”
Youngwoon frowned. “But, you act-”
“I know,” he interrupted. “I know I act differently out there. I ignore you when I'm with everyone else, when I'm being myself. But the thing is, I can't be my new self around you. When it's just us I feel like I'm a different person, too.”
“But why?” the younger man asked quietly.
“Because the truth is, I don't know how to act around you anymore.”
***
“Youngwoon, we're moving again.” Jungsu's voice was quiet and raw as if he'd been crying for hours, which was most likely the case. He gripped the younger boy's hand tightly on the wooden picnic table. It was spring now, and children and parents were scurrying about the playground, too busy to notice the two teenage boys at the lone table.
“But you just moved here. You just settled into your new school, how can you?”
“It's just how my dad's job is,” Jungsu laughed bitterly. “I haven't stayed at the same school for two years straight since primary school. He says this move will be more permanent. I should be able to finish high school there. Then I'll be at university, so it won't matter where they move.”
“But,” Youngwoon began, but couldn't finish what he wanted to say: But you won't be here. But you won't be with me.
“I know,” he mumbled, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I don't want to go, Youngwoon.”
Youngwoon desperately wanted to say, 'Me too, don't go, you can't go, I don't want you to go,' but the words caught in his throat. If he opened his mouth, he knew that only thing that would come out would be a pathetic sob. The last thing he wanted was Jungsu to called him a kid again. He felt the tears stinging his eyes, but fought to hold them back.
Jungsu got to his feet, letting go of Youngwoon's hand. “I'm going to be busy this weekend and next week getting ready to move. I won't be able to see you.” His body shook as he visibly kept himself from sobbing. “But meet me here next Friday, okay? We should at least say goodbye properly.” He didn't turn around to look at Youngwoon, instead he walked away.
That was the first time they went home separately. Youngwoon remembered his hands being very, very cold, though it was already spring.
***
The delicate balance in their shaky new relationship broke when Jungsu and Heechul's relationship ended. It was finals week, and Youngwoon hadn't been able to spend much time with Jungsu due to their busy studying schedules. He heard through the grapevine- specifically, through a loud-mouth dancer named Donghae- that Heechul and Jungsu hadn't been speaking. They must have had a fight.
When he went to find Jungsu, he found neither of them in their room. They weren't in the cafeteria, or the library, or any of the usual places one could find them. Then he heard Heechul had been spotted wandering inside the art building with the exchange student, Hangeng. Deciding finding one was better than finding neither, Youngwoon headed for the building.
They were in the stairwell, their bodies pressed tightly together and legs tangled against the tiled wall. Heechul's fingers snaked through Hangeng's dark hair and moaned as the Chinese student kissed along his jaw. Youngwoon stood, embarrassed for a moment and wanting to run, before stalking over, throwing Hangeng off Heechul and punching the pretty man in the face.
“Fuck-what-shit..!” Heechul sputtered, glaring at the younger man. “What the fuck exactly do you think you're doing?!” He shouted, grabbing Youngwoon by his shirt.
“What the fuck do you think you're doing?” he growled back, the only thing keeping him from punching the older man again being Hangeng's surprisingly strong hold on his arms. “What about Jungsu?!”
Heechul's glare grew darker. “He dumped me, you asshole,” he spat. “And Hannie here was comforting me when you came along and decided to make my day even worse.” Youngwoon backed off and Hangeng went to Heechul's side, checking his face for cuts. “I don't even think he liked me to begin with,” the hurt man continued. “When he found out you were coming, he suddenly decided he and I should date. He's pretty hot, so I didn't mind, but the only time he let me touch him was when you were around!” He crossed his arms and pouted. The younger man only continued to stare back, mind not comprehending what the other was trying to tell him.
Heechul rolled his eyes dramatically. “You two have got to be the slowest idiots I've ever met. Just tell him how you feel and be happy, dumbass!”
“He should know how I feel,” was all he could bring himself to reply.
“Obviously he doesn't, or none of this bullshit would be happening,” Heechul sighed. “So how about you let Hangeng and me get back to what we were doing and you two figure your shit out?”
Youngwoon turned and left without responding.
***
That unfortunate Friday also happened to be a beautiful day on their playground. Children and their parents were busy playing, their squeals of joy and happiness not meeting Youngwoon's ears as he waited on the swing-set. The swing next to him creaked as Jungsu sat down, his legs dangling as he began gently swaying back and forth. Youngwoon began swinging, too, and their fingers linked where they hung between them.
“I don't want this to be long and drawn out,” Jungsu said quietly. Youngwoon nodded quietly, his fingers tightening around the other's. “Thank you for everything, Youngwoon.”
“Don't thank me,” he mumbled feebly, feeling tears starting to pour over that he hadn't even known were in his eyes.
“Shut up, you big baby,” the older boy replied. “I want to thank you, okay? This has been the best year of my life. I'll always remember it. And you.”
“Me too, me too,” Youngwoon sobbed, rubbing his face with his free hand. Jungsu laughed, his dimpled smile soft.
“Youngwoon, I really need to say something to you,” he began, struggling with his words. “But I don't want to ruin everything.”
“Who's being the baby now?” Youngwoon managed to choke out, his voice cracking.
“Fine, fine,” the other sighed. He squeezed the younger boy's hand.”Youngwoon, I love you.”
“I love you, too.” It was automatic, and Jungsu laughed nervously.
“No, no, I mean it.”
“Jungsu, I love you, too.” His tears were dry, his words were serious, but Jungsu was still laughing.
“You're not understanding me, Youngwoon,” he mumbled, his hand letting go and dropping to his side.
“Yes I am!” the younger insisted, but he refused to look up.
“You're just a kid, Youngwoon. I should've known better than to tell you this. Forget I said it, okay?” He stood up, facing Youngwoon but with sad, downcast eyes.
“But Jungsu-”
“We'll keep in touch, okay?” Jungsu turned and left, and for some reason Youngwoon couldn't find the strength to follow him.
***
It was nine p.m. when he found Jungsu.
“You know what your problem is?” he sighed as he sat next to Jungsu on the bench- the same bench that Youngwoon had sat on the first day of school. Jungsu only looked half-surprised, giving a small smile but not looking at the younger man. “You never give me enough credit.”
Jungsu laughed bitterly. “You're just slow.”
“See? You immediately doubt me.”
“I wouldn't doubt you if you proved yourself to be capable,” the elder muttered, staring up at the sky.
“And what exactly am I incapable of?” he mumbled back, gently shoving the other's arm.
Jungsu shrugged, chuckling. “I don't know, everything?”
Youngwoon laughed, letting his hand rest next to Jungsu's on the bench. After a few moments, he closed the space, their fingers fitting together perfectly as if the past six years hadn't even happened. “I love you, Jungsu.”
The older boy smiled, his dimple standing out in the shadows the poor lighting cast on his face. “I know.”
“So you finally believe me, huh?” he sighed, and leaned over to kiss Jungsu's forehead.
“I was so prepared for rejection that day, I convinced myself you didn't mean it,” the other said quietly. “We were really young, you know.”
Youngwoon frowned. “But I meant it; I really, really did.”
“I know, I know,” Jungsu sighed, resting his head on Youngwoon's shoulder. “I was scared and and panicked when you answered so quickly.” His words were almost a whisper.
“But did you have to avoid me?”
“I didn't really avoid you.”
“Bullshit!” They laughed together again.
“I love you, too, Youngwoon.”