WHAT THE BOY SCOUTS TAUGHT ME
Title: What the Boy Scouts Taught Me
Written By: sonofabiscuit77
Timeline: 413/414
Rating: R
Warnings: AU, humour, slightly schoompy, basically just a long piece of fluff
Summary: "We're going to die out here... This is just like in the Blair Witch Project..."
What if: Justin went on the Liberty Ride with Brian… An alternate version of episodes 413 and 414
Author's Notes: Many, many thanks again to my beta - you know who you are - for all corrections and of course your excellent suggestion for the title.
“We're going to die out here!”
“We're not going to die out here.”
“Yeah we are,” Justin turns to aim a frustrated kick at a nearby tree trunk, his sneaker banging uselessly against the slimy bark. “This is just like in The Blair Witch Project.”
“No it's not,” replies Brian wearily. “For a start, we're not annoying loser college kids. Well, I'm not…”
“Brian, this is not a fucking joke! We're lost in the middle of a massive forest full of fuck knows what kind of creatures - who are probably gonna eat us as soon as the sun goes down!”
“Nothing's going to eat us.” Brian's voice is heading away from weary resignation and towards nerve-tingling irritation as he continues staring pointlessly into the identical masses of trees surrounding them on every side.
“How do you know that? What about bears - aren't there supposed to be bears in this part of the country?”
“Christ! There are no fucking bears! Okay? Now shut the fuck up and let's keep moving.”
“Keep moving where? It's not like either of us have any fucking clue where we are. We could've wandered right back over the border into Canada for all we know!”
“I'm sure we haven't done that.” Brian's response is heavy with sarcasm. He glances back towards Justin who is anxiously peering into the darkening gloom. “Here. Come here.” He gestures towards Justin who blinks back at him dumbly. Sighing with a martyred air, Brian crosses towards him, shrugs one arm around Justin's shoulders and presses his lips against the cold blond hair. “Look, it's alright. Nothing's going to eat us. We're going to find our way out of here, find our goddamned bicycles and still end up crossing that finish line ahead of Michael and Ben. Okay?”
Justin grunts feeble acknowledgement, “They're probably miles ahead of us now. Do you think anyone's even noticed we're missing?”
“I don't know. They probably just think we've run off into the nearest group of bushes for a quick fuck.”
Justin pulls away from Brian with a scowl, “Yeah. Wasn't that what got us into this shitty situation in the first place?”
“Well, if you hadn't declared your ass off limits last night then we wouldn't have felt the need for a quick fuck this morning,” answers Brian shortly.
“If your ass had ridden a fucking bicycle nearly 100 miles in one day, you'd declare it off limits too! Except… oh yeah, it's always off limits!”
“Not always.”
Justin looks up, catching Brian's eye, an involuntary smile creeps across his face, “Okay, not always,” he accedes. Turning around, his expression quickly falls back into anxious preoccupation. “Shit Brian, this place is really creeping me out. Everything just looks the same. We've probably been going around in circles the entire fucking time!”
“Let's stick to one direction then,” returns Brian bluntly. “If we keep heading in one fucking direction then logic dictates we'll eventually find our way out.”
Justin nods resignedly, moving to follow Brian in tight single file. “God, I've forgotten how much I loathe orienteering.”
“When the fuck have you ever gone orienteering?”
“When I was in the boy scouts.”
“You were in the boy scouts?”
“Of course. I remember enjoying most of it - the badges and shit. I had lots of badges - one for art and crafts, oh, and one for cooking, I remember my Mom helping me bake a chocolate cake for that cause I totally fucked it up the first time round,” he breaks off for a moment to push through a dense patch of ferns. “I used to like the games and singing too. It was just the orienteering and camping I hated. I remember this one time, I think I must have been about ten years old, we went on this three day camping trip - the whole thing was one big hideous nightmare. Our scout master was this fucking idiot - Mr Knowles - and he was the father of one of the kids - Derek Knowles. Fuck, I fucking hated that kid and he didn't like me much either. I remember him so clearly - he was really fat and had this red ugly pig face and he was a total bully. You know the sort of kid I mean?” Justin stops for a moment to turn towards Brian, pushing a jagged looking branch out of the other's way.
“Kevin Nolan,” states Brian, meeting Justin's eyes with an amused quirk of his mouth. “He was in my class fifth grade. The first day back from Summer break, he tried to push me around at recess, I punched him in the face. Knocked out two of his front teeth. I was suspended for a week but it was worth it. The fucker never tried anything with me after that.”
Justin smiles to himself, “Yeah, I can imagine. Except this kid Derek Knowles, he was about three times the size of me, and his dad was the scout master. The first day of the trip he shoved me into a patch of poison ivy, I was scratching and scratching for days. God, it was a total nightmare. But I got him back though…” Justin breaks off for a moment, grinning to himself.
“Yeah? What did you do?”
“I put stinging nettles in his sleeping bag. He was in agony Brian. It was fucking hilarious!”
“So you were a devious little shit even then?”
“Well I was little, and scrawny, there was no way I could ever take him in a fight so I had to get him back some other way…” Justin's voice trails off and the silence descends on them once again broken only by the continuous crunch of their feet and rustling of leaves.
Justin rolls up his sleeve to glance at his wristwatch, it's nearly 1pm. They've been wandering about for over four hours, it feels like twice that. He raises his eyes again, tilting his head back to stare at the dull white patches of sky peeking through the endless barricade of branches above them, shivering as a patch of cold air ripples through his thin layers of clothing.
“Justin?” Brian has stopped ahead of him, and is staring back at him, expression unreadable.
“I'm hungry,” he murmurs. It's an easier option than:lost, tired, cold, scared…
Brian nods, “We'll stop next clearing we find.”
******
“Tell me what happened in LA.”
Justin fidgets uncomfortably on the log beneath them, balancing a water bottle and half-eaten apple between his knees, he stares down at his mud-encrusted sneakers, “I told you already…”
“… It was a fucking waste of time,” interrupts Brian. “Yeah, you told me that at the airport. Now tell me the full unabridged version.”
Justin sighs morosely, picking up the water bottle to take a sip.
“Justin,” prompts Brian.
“You're not going to shut up about this are you?”
“No.”
Justin sighs again, this time a martyred, put-upon sound. “Alright. Jesus. The day after I arrived Brett took me to this bullshit meeting with the producers - this middle-aged straight guy and his two ass-licking sidekicks who did nothing but agree with every fucking thing that came out of his mouth. So the first thing the producer guy says is that there's too much “ass” stuff,” he lifts his hands, making the quoting gesture with a contemptuous eye-roll. “So we've got to remove some of the sex scenes because apparently they won't play well to our wonderfully open-minded fellow Americans…”
“Well,” interjects Brian matter-of-factly, “he -”
“Don't you fucking dare say he has a point Brian! I know he has a point. And I guess I might've agreed to remove a couple of the sex scenes - if it had just been that. But it wasn't just that! He said the movie was too dark, too depressing, he said he didn't like the scene where the kid gets his head bashed in - despite the fact that that scene is the pivotal point of the entire fucking movie. So I just told him that and said that the story was created as being dark and depressing because that's the reality for loads of gay people. Then I defended the ass stuff,” catching Brian's eye, he gives a self-deprecating eye-roll, “I said getting your butt fucked is one of the greatest privileges of being a gay man.”
Brian raises one impressed eyebrow, “You said that to the producers?”
“Yeah, though I wish I hadn't fucking bothered.” He picks up the half-eaten apple, “You want some of this?”
“Do I want some of your half-eaten apple?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck no. Throw it away if you don't want it.”
“We shouldn't waste food. What if we run out before we get out of here?”
“Well you eat it then.”
Removing some tissue from his pocket, Justin wraps the half-eaten apple in it carefully, burying it back in his knapsack. Watching him Brian shakes his head in disbelief.
“What?” queries Justin.
“I can't believe you just did that.”
“You might be glad later.”
“I doubt it.”
“You know what your problem is Brian? You have no survival skills. I bet you couldn't go a week without laundry service.”
“After I was fired from Vanguard I went a lot longer than a week without laundry service.”
“Yeah, cause I did it!" snorts Justin quickly, "I don't think you've ever even set foot in the laundry in your basement.”
“There's a laundry in my basement?” Brian shakes his head with an sarcastic crook of his lip, “Well, well, you really do learn something everyday.”
“You know the sad thing about that is that it's probably true.” Justin gets to his feet, brushing down his jacket. “Shit, my ass is freezing.”
Brian reaches out one hand, grabbing one ass cheek, “Feels hot to me.”
Justin rolls his eyes at him, “Come on, we need to keep moving.”
“So what happened next?” asks Brian after a while.
“What?”
“After you told the producer that getting your ass fucked was one of the greatest privileges of being a gay man?”
“Oh, well he didn't seem very impressed.”
“No shit.”
“Yeah, so then he lays out his vision for the movie - which of course was news to me. Fucking Brett Keller had told me that he would have the directorial control - that he would stick to our vision - that he would be the one in charge. What a load of shit!” The last exclamation rounded off with a petulant kick towards a jutting tree root to emphasise his point.
“Well they're the ones with the money, ergo - they're the ones with the power.”
Justin snorts with another bad-tempered kick at the abused tree root, “They wanted to make JT a girl Brian! A fucking girl!” He raises his eyes to Brian's, narrowing them in irritation as he sees Brian attempting to hide a smirk of amusement, “It's not fucking funny! A girl! They thought there wasn't enough of a female presence in the movie - so lets make the main character's love interest female - just like every other fucking movie ever! You can imagine how angry this made me. The love between Rage and JT is what drives the whole fucking story - if you turn JT into a girl then Rage isn't even queer anymore. So much for a gay avenger!” Brian flashes him a quick look taking in the sullen line of Justin's mouth, the bitter sheen of his eyes, “In a way I'm kinda pleased I figured out what a pathetic spineless pussy Brett Keller is now before I signed away my artistic control to him because there is no fucking way I'm gonna allow him to make this movie now. His idea… his idea Brian - was to go along with the JT is a girl bullshit, but cast an actress with short hair who's kinda androgynous looking. That way he figured we could hint that she was a guy in a celluloid closet way - but of course she wouldn't actually be a guy because that would just be too controversial!” his voice breaks into contemptuous sarcasm and he stretches out one foot to stamp on a branch, feeling it break with a satisfying snap. “The really fucking crazy thing is that he'd thought I'd go along with it. No fucking way!”
“Did you tell him that?”
“I told him I wanted his driver to take me to the airport.” Justin snorts again, “I wasn't fucking sticking around after that. He pulled out all the stops to try and get me to stay - inviting me to another bullshit party, offering to give me tickets for a lame-ass movie premiere - and get this - he even fucking offered me a job!”
“He offered you a job?” Brian's eyes widen in surprise as he darts another look at Justin, “You didn't say anything.”
“Because I'm not going to take it! Oh he laid on the compliments - telling me I was talented, that he wanted to work with people like me, people with vision, with ideas, with balls!” he scoffs over that word and turns away from Brian, pushing back through the trees, voice low and bitter again, “But it was all bullshit! It was just a bribe - just a way of trying to get me to agree to all the changes.”
“What makes you think that?” Brian narrows his eyes on Justin's retreating back.
Ignoring Brian's question, Justin's voice carries through the rustling trees, “I am so glad Michael and I took Ben's advice and got a proper contract, this way at least we can stop them from making this monstrosity of a movie.”
Brian frowns thoughtfully and moves to follow him, “I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.”
“Whatever!” comes the scornful reply, “I guess I should look on it as a learning experience huh? Character-building and all that bullshit.”
Catching up with him, Brian lays one hand on Justin's shoulder, tugging him closer, fingers playing with the short blond hairs at the nape of Justin's neck, “So were there no redeeming features at all to your little sojourn in La-la land?”
Justin wrinkles his nose at the question, puffing out his cheeks with a small self-satisfied quirk of his lip.
“Alright, dish it Sunshine.” Brian's mouth moves into an amused line, “Who'd you fuck?”
“Connor James.”
“The actor?”
“Yes," Justin nods, unable to keep the quick smug smile from glancing across his face. "I met him at a party at Brett's place the first night. Brett wanted him to play Rage.”
“Impressive, a real live movie star. What was he like?”
“Hot. Really hot… and with a ridiculously perfect body." Justin raises his eyes to Brian, expression softening as he smiles into Brian's face, "But nothing compared to the real Rage.”
********
“How far do you think we've walked now?”
“I don't know. Miles.”
“Yeah,” Justin pauses, he wrangles the water bottle out his knapsack, unscrews the cap and takes a long thirsty drag, “Look, the sun's really going down now. It's even darker in here.” He glances towards Brian, trying to keep the shakiness out his voice, “What should we do?”
“We keep moving. We have a flashlight and if we get too tired to walk then we stop, make camp.”
“In here?”
“If we have to.”
“We have no tent, it was attached to your bicycle.”
Brian sighs, “Yes, I know that. But we have our sleeping bags and we can build a fire. No shortage of fucking wood in here.”
Justin nods heavily, darting nervous glances towards the other, “Shit! What was that?”
“What?”
“That noise. Can you hear it?”
They both fall silent, their eyes fixed on each other's tense faces. The light around them is grey now, the ever-present rustling sound of the trees ominous in the oppressive gloom. The air is colder, icier than earlier, the evening almost definitely arrived. Justin shivers convulsively, his whole body bursting with gooseflesh. Straining his ears, he realises that he can hear voices. He glances back towards Brian; Brian is frowning, his expression unclear.
“Brian?” he mutters. “I think it's -”
“It's a voice,” states Brian decisively, a renewed purpose suddenly in his face.
“Coming from where? Shit, where's it coming from? Where are they?”
Brian crosses quickly towards him, laying one silencing hand on his shoulder. Justin stills, listening hard again, the weight of Brian's hand on his shoulder is comforting, he edges closer to the warmth of Brian's body, grabbing a fistful of Brian's jacket in his hand.
“This way.” Brian grabs Justin's hand in his own and tugs him forcefully through an identical patch of trees, the sound of the cracking branches and their own crunching footsteps are loud and overbearing in Justin's ears, but faintly under all of it, he can just about make out the low buzz of a voice. Brian pauses again, motioning to Justin to be quiet, his hand a protective clasp on Justin's arm.
“Oh my God, I think that's…” Justin listens closely again, unsure if he can truly believe what he's hearing, “I think I'm going crazy but that's Emmett's voice! Brian, I think that's Emmett's voice!”
Feeling slightly hysterical, he throws a questioning glance at Brian who seems to be wrestling with matching disbelief.
“Oh my God! Brian! Thank fuck!”
They set off again, still following the sound of what now is unmistakably Emmett's voice, pushing uncaringly through the last wall of branches... finding themselves face to face with a clearing - no, not another fucking clearing - a field! A field. Justin feels like crying out loud in blessed relief. It's a field. Never before in his life has the sight of grass been so gloriously welcoming. And there, in the middle of the field, sitting on bales of hay: Ted and Emmett. Justin halts abruptly, disbelief and incomprehension written across his face.
“Brian? Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Please tell me this isn't a fucking hallucination or anything.”
“Theodore and Emmett in the middle of a field,” comes the flat, stupefied response.
“Yeah,” nods Justin, a shaky laugh escaping him. He can hear Ted speaking now, his sarcastic monotone drifting through the cold dark air towards them.
“What the fuck are they doing?”
“Well naturally, they're having a 12-step meeting Sunshine.” Brian seems to have recovered from his initial stupefaction and turns his face to raise a duh obviously eyebrow at Justin.
“What, out here and now? That's fucking weird.”
“Yeah, well it's Theodore and Emmett, they are fucking weird. Come on.”
“No! Brian, wait!” Justin stretches out, grabbing onto the other's jacket, he tugs him back, “Perhaps we should let them finish first? Aren't these things supposed to be sacred or something?”
Brian looks down at him and smirks, “Fuck that. Come on.” He holds out one hand to Justin who grabs it, letting himself be pulled into the clearing.
“…with the help of my friends and my…. Brian? What are you…?” Ted turns an aghast face on Brian and Justin as they stumble into view. “Haven't I told you before about interrupting me when I'm sharing?”
Evidently back to his normal shit-eating self, Brian takes in Ted's stunned expression with impressive nonchalance, “Don't let me stop you Theodore.”
“Bri-an! Justin! Oh my God, what on earth are you boys doing here? Wow, Teddy - do you know what this means?” Emmett turns a delighted face towards a still shocked Ted, who looks back at him blankly, “This means we can have a proper meeting! Start again - I'll introduce you and we all can say hi… What d'you think?”
“What do I think?” repeats Ted, voice appalled and mistrustful, “I think there's no way on earth I'm going to share in front of him,” he waves an accusatory finger towards Brian who has made himself comfortable on another bale of hay, Justin close beside him.
“Wait a minute! What happened to your bicycles?” Justin raises his head to see Emmett regarding them both with a confused expression, “And why are you here? Why aren't you with the group?”
Justin opens his mouth to answer, but before he can, Ted's voice, knowing and ironic, chimes in: “Let me guess - you both ran off into the trees to fuck and ended up getting lost. Am I right?” He's rewarded with two stony, distinctly unamused stares. “I knew it.” He shakes his head and chuckles, turning to Justin, “I bet you wish you'd stayed in LA.”
“Oooh LA,” sighs Emmett wistfully, “just imagine if we were there now? Just sitting outside one of those delicious bars in West Hollywood - watching the guys, soaking up the rays, sipping a daiquiri. Heaven.”
“Instead we're in the middle of a field, practically freezing to death,” comments Ted sardonically.
“So why aren't you two with the rest of the group?" asks Justin, his face still registering acute confusion.
"It's a long story," begins Ted.
"We got lost looking for a place called Little Hope," adds Emmett.
"Evidently not that long," amends Ted.
"Oh, well that all makes perfect sense," comments Brian sarcastically. "But it doesn't answer the question of: where the fuck are we?"
“Well, we have a map?” suggests Emmett, hoisting his knapsack onto his knee, he commences scrabbling around in it.
“Like that has brought us anything but bad luck so far,” Ted scoffs, watching Emmett produce the limp looking map from his bag with an exuberant flourish.
Brian grabs the map from him, squinting in the low light. “Well, I can't even read this fucking thing now. We should stay here and look in the morning.”
“We had kinda come to that conclusion too."
"Only, we don't have a tent. Justin left it behind."
"I did not! It was on your bicycle."
"Don't worry about that! We can all share," comes Emmett's easy assessment of the situation.
"It's a two-man tent," contradicts Ted, looking between the four of them with something resembling trepidation.
********
"Aw, they're quite sweet really," Emmett takes a long sip of water from his bottle, squirming for a comfortable position on the bale of hay beneath him.
Ted glances at the tent, frowning at the increasingly loud sounds of heavy breathing and panting coming from within, "Yeah, that's exactly the word I would use - sweet.”
"Oh come on Teddy! Admit that you're just jealous - I know I am! I haven't woken up to a good morning fuck in oh... over a week!"
"Make it over six months in my case," mutters Ted flatly.
"Six months, that is really almost tragic." Emmett gives him a sympathetic look, then turns his head to cast another long considered gaze at the now almost rocking tent. "Do you think they'll ever get tired of each other?”
“You mean the couple who abandoned a charity bike-ride half way through because they couldn't wait a few hours to fuck each other? And were then so into it they didn't notice where they were going and ended up lost for an entire day? You mean that couple, right?”
“Hmm, I see your point,” muses Emmett. “But they've been together - over three years now is it? And how many times do you think they've fucked? Hundreds? Thousands? And they never get tired of each other? They still can't keep their hands off each other?” He shakes his head, kicking his heels against the bale of hay beneath him, “Why can't I have that in a relationship?” he adds wistfully.
“You want a relationship like Brian and Justin's?” queries Ted, raising one disbelieving eyebrow. “A relationship where you never talk to each other - where you fuck as many guys as you like on the side? A relationship where the word relationship is banned from your vocabulary?”
“You don't know all that Teddy,” counters Emmett. “We don't know what they're like when they're alone. They could be whispering endearments to each other every night for all we know.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” Ted shakes his head, unconvinced.
“Alright! What about this morning?” Emmett gestures at him with his water bottle, “Before they kicked us out the tent to fuck, I watched them together - the way they were looking at each other, whispering, kissing, giggling?”
"Yes, you don't need to remind me, I was there too. After the first fifteen minutes the sound of them making out did begin to get uncomfortably distracting," comments Ted dryly.
"See?" Emmett spreads his hands expansively, “Mark my words - that's one seriously loved up couple.”
“Well, whatever they are, I wish they'd hurry up and finish, I want to pack up and get moving." Ted unfolds the map from his pocket, turning it over in his hands, "I think I've figured out where we are now." He turns to look at Emmett, but Emmett's eyes are still fixed on the tent. "Em? Emmett?"
"Would you fuck him? If you had the chance?"
“Who? Brian?”
“No Teddy! Justin. Would you fuck Justin?”
"Well let me see... would I fuck my boss - that's Brian Kinney, my boss's boyfriend? Hmm, this is a tough one... Maybe… maybe if I decided I wanted to be a deadman, an unemployed deadman."
Emmett makes a tutting sound with his mouth, "That's not answering the question. Pretend he's not Brian's boyfriend. I'm talking about if you met him in Babylon - would you want to fuck him then?"
"If I met him in Babylon? Yeah, that's likely. What are the chances that someone like Justin would want to fuck someone like me? He could have anyone, he has Brian for fuck's sake!"
Emmett smiles to himself, "Yep, he certainly does. Has him wrapped right around his little finger."
"Is someone talking about me?" Face still rosy, shit-eating grin in place and hair distinctly out of place, Brian emerges from the tent, followed closely by a slightly sheepish looking Justin.
"You know you're our favourite topic of conversation Brian!" coos Emmett serenely, getting to his feet. "Both of you!" he amends taking in Justin's presence.
"Had a good morning?" asks Ted sarcastically.
"Fucking great morning," answers Brian, looking immensely pleased with himself.
"So we heard."
"Oh God, please tell me you didn't hear us," Justin looks between Ted and Emmett with a pleading expression.
"Sweetie, I think the birds on the other side of that mountain heard you," answers Emmett, tossing a sympathetic arm around his shoulders.
Brian watches them closely, "I don't know what you're whining about, you don't mind getting your ass fucked in the backroom in front of a lot more than two horny fags."
"Brian, that's different," retorts Justin. "They're not friends of mine."
Brian shrugs; moving towards Justin and Emmett, he removes Emmett's arm unceremoniously from Justin's shoulders, pulling Justin back against his own body. Emmett smiles to himself, watching Brian whisper something into Justin's ear, the answering grin sliding across Justin's features as he turns to whisper something back to Brian, their mouths coming together in a quick kiss.
Draining the rest of his water, he tosses the now empty bottle towards Ted who catches it, simultaneously letting the dishevelled map flutter to the ground. “Shit Emmett! I think I just found where we are - now you've made me lose my place!”
“Qué será, será! I have a great feeling about today,” comes Emmett's blithe response and placing his hands either side of his friend's face, he disposes a smacking kiss on Ted's forehead. "Happy Birthday Teddy - belatedly for yesterday."
Slowly Ted smiles back at him, "Thanks Em."
A loud noise very much like someone clearing their throat spears them apart and they turn to take in Brian's expectantly raised eyebrow, "When you two have quite finished wasting time feeling each other up - we've got a fucking tent to pack up?"
*******
Brian raises his eyes, his gaze falling on the forms of Ted and Emmett ahead of them, manhandling their squeaking bicycles over divots and weeds, voices rising and falling, "What do you think they find to talk about all the goddamned time?"
"I don't know. Normal shit?”
Brian glances across at him, snorting in amusement, “You're especially profound today Sunshine.”
Justin shrugs, “Whatever. What do people talk about? What do we talk about?"
"Fucking? How hot I am?"
"Apart from fucking and how hot you are?"
"Movies."
"Movies? When?” Justin demands; amending quickly: “And the Rage shit doesn't count.”
"Last week. You were watching Grosse Point Blank and talking about how much you'd like to fuck John Cusak."
"I would like to fuck John Cusak."
"Well you've already done Connor James. Put him next on your list."
"He's straight. At least I think he is."
"Well, you could find out for yourself."
"I'm not going to find out Brian, because I'm never going back to Hollywood. I told you that yesterday." Justin purses his lips together, "You can't possibly think that making the movie now with all the changes they want would be a good idea?"
"No of course I don't. I just don't want you denying yourself any opportunities - such as a job offer in Hollywood with a top director…”
“Who's a talentless spineless pussy,” interrupts Justin contemptuously.
“Which is completely immaterial to the fact that a job like that could do great things for your future career.”
Justin pulls a face, looking away from him. “You can't tell me what to do Brian, anyway I don't want a fucking career in Hollywood!”
“Christ! I'm not telling you what to do. Look. Listen to me.” Brian pauses for a moment and Justin can almost hear him swallowing over the exasperation in his throat, “I don't want you to not do something because you think you have good reasons for not doing it, when the real reason may be something else entirely.”
Justin flashes him a sideways glance, “Brian -”
“Listen. You might think you owe me something - because... because of the cancer and other shit,” he pauses, his voice low, “but that's bullshit. You don't owe me anything. You're only twenty, you're going to have loads of opportunities that might not just be in Pittsburgh, you can't deny yourself them because it means moving away."
“I'm not denying myself anything,” insists Justin. “I promise. This has nothing to do with you and me - with us. It's because Rage is mine, well mine and Michael's. And this story - it's not just some story I made up, it's about something that happened to me and I'm not letting some pathetic talentless excuse for a homosexual and a load of middle-aged straight guys who don't know the first fucking thing about being gay fucking defecate all over it with their bullshit ideas and crass commercialism!” He pauses for a moment, catching his breath, tempering his voice, “Look, Brian - I really… I love the way you always want to look out for me - the way you always want the best for me. But sometimes your best isn't mine - and, as you always say - I'm a big boy and I can make up my own mind.”
Brian laughs under his breath, flashing him a quick affectionate glance, “I guess you can.”
“Yeah.”
“So what are you going to do now?”
Justin shrugs, “Get on with my life. Go to school, paint, hang out at Woody's with the guys, have lots and lots of amazing sex with you over and over again…”
“Hmm, I particularly approve of that last one.”
Justin smiles to himself, “Yeah.” He pauses, eyes locked on Emmett as he watches him push his bicycle through a particularly dense patch of grass, long stalks threading into the wheel spokes, “I guess I am kinda disappointed - it would've been cool to have had a movie made… but, staying true to Rage is more important.” He darts a sideways glance at Brian, stretching out one hand to slap him on the arm, “Anyway, look at it this way - at least I got to come on the ride with you!” He rounds off the sentence with a sickly sweet smile into Brian's face.
Brian huffs out a small sound of amusement, “Yeah - still not seeing that as a good thing.”
“What? Imagine what an even shittier time you'd be having without me? You should be thanking me for hustling my ass back to Toronto in time to join you all! Though, I wish I'd made it in time to see Michael and Ben get married."
“Believe me, you didn't miss anything.”
Justin half-laughs to himself, “Yeah, I could've put money on you saying something like that.”
“Could you?”
“Yeah. I could. You're so predictable. Just like I knew you'd come on the ride, after telling me you weren't going to.”
“You know me so well,” comes the sarcastic rejoinder.
“Yeah, I do and you should know better than to bother pretending with me. I do know you and I know there's no fucking way you wouldn't have been moved by seeing your best friend forever pledging himself to another guy for the rest of his life.”
“Moved? Yeah - to tears of boredom.”
Justin shakes his head, “Oh Brian, just admit that seeing Michael join the realms of the happily married upset you." He lowers his voice to a whisper, tone mock serious, "I promise to keep it a secret.”
“I told Mikey I thought it was a fucking stupid idea. I told him he was wasting his time and I told him that it was all bullshit; but for some reason, he seemed to think otherwise…” Brian breaks off for a moment, feeling in his zippered pocket for a pack of cigarettes, “When he and the professor break up - and believe me it will happen at some point - then they'll just be another fucking statistic. Just like any other fucking straight couple. Making more money for the divorce lawyers.”
“So every marriage is doomed to fail?”
“Name me one that hasn't.”
“Mel and Linds.”
“That's what you think,” mutters Brian darkly, removing a cigarette from the pack he poses it in his mouth, patting his other pocket for his lighter.
“What?” Justin halts for a moment, resting one hand on Brian's shoulder, attempting to turn him around, staring into his face.
Brian shrugs, snapping on his lighter, unable to hide the whisker of self-satisfaction glancing over his face.
“Brian! What are you talking about? Mel and Linds are alright, aren't they?”
Brian takes a long drag on his cigarette, Justin can see the hardness climbing across his face, "Lets just say that I'd be very surprised if they stayed together after this kid's born.”
Justin looks back at him, trying to digest his words, “Well, even if they do break up, it doesn't mean to say that all marriages are doomed.”
“Okay, let's take your parents, or even better: my parents?” Brian raises a sardonic eyebrow, “Now there's a shining example of marital bliss.”
Justin bites his tongue, still staring at Brian; from this angle he can see his profile, recognise the impassive stiffness in his face, the stony tightness at the corners of his mouth.
A few minutes pass, a few minutes of wordless walking. Brian smokes the rest of his cigarette and tosses the butt nonchalantly into a clump of earth. Justin watches it smoulder pathetically for a moment until it fades out of view. He can hear Emmett's voice rising and falling musically, the occasional phrase suddenly clear. Brian's words are still going around his head, he wants to roll his eyes, snort, laugh. It's not as if any of this is new to him, he is very familiar with Brian's often aired views on life, the universe and everything, or in this case: relationships, marriage and everything. I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking. The memory of those words, of that conversation - one of the few serious ones they've ever had - is still sharp in his brain, still clear, the tearful snapping of his heart as Brian uttered them, still real, still heavy, even now, after all this time… But that was a long time ago. Those words - they're bullshit now. He knows how Brian feels about him, he can feel it in every look, every caress, every affectionate roll of his eyes. The whole argument about Hollywood - about Justin not denying himself anything is testament to those feelings. And yet… he can't stop the question from coming out: “So where does that leave us then?”
"What?"
"Where does all your all marriages are doomed to fail mantra leave us then?"
“We're not married and we're never going to be. Thank fuck.”
“Yeah, like that would ever happen. But that's not what I meant and anyway even if you did fucking propose to me, which you never would, I'd say no. But, I wasn't talking about that -"
“There's no way you would turn me down.”
Mouth still open, about to continue, Justin glances towards the other, "What?"
“If I proposed to you - just like the professor did to Mikey, there's no fucking way you'd say no.”
"But I wasn't talking about th-"
“You wouldn't say no,” repeats Brian confidently, interrupting him again. “There's nothing your little romantic heart would love more than to have us stand up together declaring our undying love for each other, forsaking all others and all that bullshit.”
“What? No. Brian, I don't want that..."
"I'm not sure I believe you Sunshine."
"No, it's true. Things between us now are really good - great, I would never want to jeopardize that and marriage, you and me - it would be a mockery. You wouldn't mean it, and I know what to expect from you - remember? So even if you got down on one knee right now and proposed to me, I would still say no.”
Brian frowns, Justin's words running over him, “So that's it then? That's all you want from me? You don't want anything else? You're happy - just - with this?”
“What? Brian?" Justin frowns in confusion, a shaky uncertain laugh escaping him, "Where is all this coming from?”
Brian shrugs, avoiding Justin's questioning eyes. He has no fucking clue where it's coming from, why he's pushing for a conversation he would normally avoid like an Over 30's Night at Woody's. It would be a mockery. Justin's words echo in his ears. I know what to expect from you - remember? Yeah, he fucking remembers. But that was then. It's different now…
“Is this all because I said I'd liked to have seen Michael and Ben get married?”
Brian stares back at him, I know what to expect from you - remember? The words are still beating around his head. He can feel something tighten in his stomach. He remembers. He remembers everything. Every last minute of those long, long, silent nights, nights when the bed never felt so fucking big, when the quiet was never so fucking oppressive. Yeah, he remembers. But… it is different now. Things have changed. Hell, the fucking scar on his groin is proof of that. A rush of fear begins to seep through his body. All this and still…
“Do you think that just because they got married that I'll suddenly expect you to…”
Wordlessly Brian stretches out one hand, grabbing Justin by the arm he pulls him roughly backwards, cutting him off mid speech. Justin stumbles, his body colliding with Brian's, his face registering initial surprise, eyes widening and mouth moving into a What the fuck? shape; seeing the look in Brian's eyes he shuts it quickly, letting Brian pull him closer.
“Kiss me.”
Justin's mouth moves in an uncertain movement, “Brian?” he tries to look away but feels Brian's hand grab his chin.
“Look at me. Kiss me,” repeats Brian persistently.
Justin huffs out a small tentative smile, trying to wrench his head away, “We should keep moving,” he warns. “Keep up with Ted and Emmett.”
Ignoring him Brian presses his mouth on Justin's; forcing their lips together. Justin's lips are cold and dry, almost unfamiliar. Brian rests one hand behind Justin's head, his fingers in the short blond hair, he edges closer, their shiny thin Lycra jackets crackle together as they press against each other; he can feel Justin's breathing through his chest, the beating of his heart. Justin is beginning to relax, his mouth opens and their tongues clash together, the familiar always-there hotness beginning to catch between them… just as it did earlier that morning in the tent, just as it did the previous day when they abandoned their bicycles to run into the forest, just as it did two days earlier when he drove Justin to the airport and fucked him in the parking lot, just as it did the very first time he brought Justin's trembling virgin ass back to the loft; just as it does every single fucking time he can remember. Justin is kissing him back now, his tongue hot and insistent. Brian feels himself dissolve into the kiss and he opens his eyes, needing to see Justin's face. He's so close that Brian can see where the tiny blond stubble is beginning to break through the pores of his skin. Brian pulls out of the kiss, he leans his face forward and rests his mouth on Justin's cheek, breathing in Justin's warm familiar scent.
“Brian?” He moves one hand to run it through Brian's hair, Brian closes his eyes, sinking into the touch, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he exhales the word eventually. He lifts his head away for a moment, not meeting the other's stare.
"You know you can say it." Justin's mouth is close to Brian's ear. He can feel the hot prickle of Justin's warm breath against the side of his face. "They're only words. Three little words. They won't stick in your throat and poison you for saying them."
Brian doesn't answer but pulls away, expression unclear. "What three little words?"
"You know," continues Justin with a slow smile, voice low and sultry. His mouth edges closer to Brian's ear, "Please top me." He pulls away from Brian, barely managing to stifle the snort of glee as he takes in Brian's confused look, "Oh God, you should see the expression on your face!" he sniggers again, relishing his own joke, "Fucking priceless! Were you expecting me to say something else?" he adds innocently.
Brian stares back at him, the words are circling around his brain, I love you his eyes are locked on Justin's smug faux-innocent smile, he's fucking mesmerised by it, by the sheen of his skin in the cold air, by the amusement crooking at the edges of Justin's mouth, I love you. Brian feels his own mouth twitch into a returning smile, "I love you," he murmurs, the words barely formed as they leave his lips. He immediately pulls away, realising what he's said, a sudden grin, goofy and slightly sheepish, shifts uninvited across his face. Raising his eyebrows, trying to regain sudden lost equilibrium, he turns around, moving away.
Justin stands, dumbstruck for a moment, then, slowly, a smile begins to slide across his face; he laughs unsteadily and darts forward, "Brian!" he calls, his voice absurdly loud in the surrounding quiet. He grabs at Brian hard around the waist, the momentum almost knocking them over; Brian wraps his arms around him to steady them both, "Did you really just say that?"
"You should see the expression on your face," comes the response. "Fucking priceless - were you expecting me to say something else?" and he grins - wide and almost joyful.
Justin laughs out loud, the smile splitting his face, "I love you more!”
Brian's eyes soften as he stares back at him, "I seriously doubt that," he whispers. He lowers his mouth to Justin, their lips meeting in a long, deep kiss. Justin's hands twine into Brian's hair and he feels Brian's arms tighten around him. Time passes and they stand, mouths still locked together, unaware of time, unaware of Ted and Emmett, unaware of the Liberty Ride, unaware of everything except each other.
“Brian, say it again. I want to hear you tell me it again.” Justin's voice is a low murmur, husky and intense.
Pulling back from him, Brian stares into his face, “Move in with me.”
“What?”
“Move in with me.”
“Brian…”
“I want you to come and live with me. Permanently.” He reaches out one hand to caress the side of Justin's face, dragging his thumb softly over Justin's lips, “This current situation with you running between the loft and Daphne's - it's just not working for me anymore…” His bows his head forward slightly, their foreheads touching lightly. “And as for the times when you're not around, well I'd kinda like you to be.”
Justin feels every muscle in his body tense as Brian speaks, and then they relax, a slow liquid feeling of euphoria sliding into every pore of his body, “I've been wanting you to ask me that ever since the first moment you took me there,” he breathes, moving his face away from Brian's.
“Well say yes then.” Brian raises his eyes, they're soft and hopeful, a smile at the corner of his mouth.
“Yes,” murmurs Justin quietly.
“Yes?”
“Yes.” His voice stronger, tone more insistent.
“Yes?”
“Fuck yes!” laughs Justin.
**********
"What the fuck happened to you boys? Where the fuck have you been?" Deb stands in front of them, hands on hips, gum turned up to eleven.
"We ran off into the bushes to fuck and got lost," answers Brian serenely.
"Uh-huh.” She nods sagely, cracks her gum and turns her head towards Ted and Emmett, “And you two?"
"It was a mission of mercy Deb…" begins Emmett.
“Which will keep until after we finish the ride,” interjects Ted. “I think we should be going now.” He mounts his bicycle, Emmett quickly following him. Justin turns his head watching them pedal off, Emmett waving goodbye with exuberant enthusiasm.
“So what happened to your bicycles?” demands Deb turning her gaze back on Brian and Justin.
"We don't know," apologises Justin, "sorry."
"Shit, don't apologise to me Sunshine, I didn't buy them."
"No, I did," states Brian. "Are there any spares?"
"Hell yes there's some spares. Rufus Evans, you know him? Works at the Shop n' Save on Liberty - well he had a bit of an accident yesterday, though I would say it was his own fault, trying to cruise a guy while riding a bicycle is not my idea of -"
"Deb?" prompts Brian. "Today please."
"Keep your fucking pants on! Except in your case - in both your cases - it's wasted advice!" She makes to move away, snapping her gum and shaking her head.
"Oh Deb!" calls Justin, running after her, "Has everyone gone past yet?"
"Nearly everyone honey," she nods.
"How about Michael and Ben?"
"No, I haven't seen them yet," she frowns, a crease of anxiety threading across her forehead. "You don't think -"
"I'm sure they're okay," Justin answers hastily. Turning back to Brian, Justin mouths a loud: "See?"
"See what?" mouths back Brian sidling up to him.
"Michael and Ben haven't gone past yet." He whispers, smile wide and wicked, "We can still beat them to the finish line."
Brian stares back at him, the matching grin spreading across his face, "Well, what the fuck are we waiting for? Deb! Where are those goddamned bicycles?"
Written By: sonofabiscuit77
Timeline: 413/414
Rating: R
Warnings: AU, humour, slightly schoompy, basically just a long piece of fluff
Summary: "We're going to die out here... This is just like in the Blair Witch Project..."
What if: Justin went on the Liberty Ride with Brian… An alternate version of episodes 413 and 414
Author's Notes: Many, many thanks again to my beta - you know who you are - for all corrections and of course your excellent suggestion for the title.
“We're going to die out here!”
“We're not going to die out here.”
“Yeah we are,” Justin turns to aim a frustrated kick at a nearby tree trunk, his sneaker banging uselessly against the slimy bark. “This is just like in The Blair Witch Project.”
“No it's not,” replies Brian wearily. “For a start, we're not annoying loser college kids. Well, I'm not…”
“Brian, this is not a fucking joke! We're lost in the middle of a massive forest full of fuck knows what kind of creatures - who are probably gonna eat us as soon as the sun goes down!”
“Nothing's going to eat us.” Brian's voice is heading away from weary resignation and towards nerve-tingling irritation as he continues staring pointlessly into the identical masses of trees surrounding them on every side.
“How do you know that? What about bears - aren't there supposed to be bears in this part of the country?”
“Christ! There are no fucking bears! Okay? Now shut the fuck up and let's keep moving.”
“Keep moving where? It's not like either of us have any fucking clue where we are. We could've wandered right back over the border into Canada for all we know!”
“I'm sure we haven't done that.” Brian's response is heavy with sarcasm. He glances back towards Justin who is anxiously peering into the darkening gloom. “Here. Come here.” He gestures towards Justin who blinks back at him dumbly. Sighing with a martyred air, Brian crosses towards him, shrugs one arm around Justin's shoulders and presses his lips against the cold blond hair. “Look, it's alright. Nothing's going to eat us. We're going to find our way out of here, find our goddamned bicycles and still end up crossing that finish line ahead of Michael and Ben. Okay?”
Justin grunts feeble acknowledgement, “They're probably miles ahead of us now. Do you think anyone's even noticed we're missing?”
“I don't know. They probably just think we've run off into the nearest group of bushes for a quick fuck.”
Justin pulls away from Brian with a scowl, “Yeah. Wasn't that what got us into this shitty situation in the first place?”
“Well, if you hadn't declared your ass off limits last night then we wouldn't have felt the need for a quick fuck this morning,” answers Brian shortly.
“If your ass had ridden a fucking bicycle nearly 100 miles in one day, you'd declare it off limits too! Except… oh yeah, it's always off limits!”
“Not always.”
Justin looks up, catching Brian's eye, an involuntary smile creeps across his face, “Okay, not always,” he accedes. Turning around, his expression quickly falls back into anxious preoccupation. “Shit Brian, this place is really creeping me out. Everything just looks the same. We've probably been going around in circles the entire fucking time!”
“Let's stick to one direction then,” returns Brian bluntly. “If we keep heading in one fucking direction then logic dictates we'll eventually find our way out.”
Justin nods resignedly, moving to follow Brian in tight single file. “God, I've forgotten how much I loathe orienteering.”
“When the fuck have you ever gone orienteering?”
“When I was in the boy scouts.”
“You were in the boy scouts?”
“Of course. I remember enjoying most of it - the badges and shit. I had lots of badges - one for art and crafts, oh, and one for cooking, I remember my Mom helping me bake a chocolate cake for that cause I totally fucked it up the first time round,” he breaks off for a moment to push through a dense patch of ferns. “I used to like the games and singing too. It was just the orienteering and camping I hated. I remember this one time, I think I must have been about ten years old, we went on this three day camping trip - the whole thing was one big hideous nightmare. Our scout master was this fucking idiot - Mr Knowles - and he was the father of one of the kids - Derek Knowles. Fuck, I fucking hated that kid and he didn't like me much either. I remember him so clearly - he was really fat and had this red ugly pig face and he was a total bully. You know the sort of kid I mean?” Justin stops for a moment to turn towards Brian, pushing a jagged looking branch out of the other's way.
“Kevin Nolan,” states Brian, meeting Justin's eyes with an amused quirk of his mouth. “He was in my class fifth grade. The first day back from Summer break, he tried to push me around at recess, I punched him in the face. Knocked out two of his front teeth. I was suspended for a week but it was worth it. The fucker never tried anything with me after that.”
Justin smiles to himself, “Yeah, I can imagine. Except this kid Derek Knowles, he was about three times the size of me, and his dad was the scout master. The first day of the trip he shoved me into a patch of poison ivy, I was scratching and scratching for days. God, it was a total nightmare. But I got him back though…” Justin breaks off for a moment, grinning to himself.
“Yeah? What did you do?”
“I put stinging nettles in his sleeping bag. He was in agony Brian. It was fucking hilarious!”
“So you were a devious little shit even then?”
“Well I was little, and scrawny, there was no way I could ever take him in a fight so I had to get him back some other way…” Justin's voice trails off and the silence descends on them once again broken only by the continuous crunch of their feet and rustling of leaves.
Justin rolls up his sleeve to glance at his wristwatch, it's nearly 1pm. They've been wandering about for over four hours, it feels like twice that. He raises his eyes again, tilting his head back to stare at the dull white patches of sky peeking through the endless barricade of branches above them, shivering as a patch of cold air ripples through his thin layers of clothing.
“Justin?” Brian has stopped ahead of him, and is staring back at him, expression unreadable.
“I'm hungry,” he murmurs. It's an easier option than:lost, tired, cold, scared…
Brian nods, “We'll stop next clearing we find.”
******
“Tell me what happened in LA.”
Justin fidgets uncomfortably on the log beneath them, balancing a water bottle and half-eaten apple between his knees, he stares down at his mud-encrusted sneakers, “I told you already…”
“… It was a fucking waste of time,” interrupts Brian. “Yeah, you told me that at the airport. Now tell me the full unabridged version.”
Justin sighs morosely, picking up the water bottle to take a sip.
“Justin,” prompts Brian.
“You're not going to shut up about this are you?”
“No.”
Justin sighs again, this time a martyred, put-upon sound. “Alright. Jesus. The day after I arrived Brett took me to this bullshit meeting with the producers - this middle-aged straight guy and his two ass-licking sidekicks who did nothing but agree with every fucking thing that came out of his mouth. So the first thing the producer guy says is that there's too much “ass” stuff,” he lifts his hands, making the quoting gesture with a contemptuous eye-roll. “So we've got to remove some of the sex scenes because apparently they won't play well to our wonderfully open-minded fellow Americans…”
“Well,” interjects Brian matter-of-factly, “he -”
“Don't you fucking dare say he has a point Brian! I know he has a point. And I guess I might've agreed to remove a couple of the sex scenes - if it had just been that. But it wasn't just that! He said the movie was too dark, too depressing, he said he didn't like the scene where the kid gets his head bashed in - despite the fact that that scene is the pivotal point of the entire fucking movie. So I just told him that and said that the story was created as being dark and depressing because that's the reality for loads of gay people. Then I defended the ass stuff,” catching Brian's eye, he gives a self-deprecating eye-roll, “I said getting your butt fucked is one of the greatest privileges of being a gay man.”
Brian raises one impressed eyebrow, “You said that to the producers?”
“Yeah, though I wish I hadn't fucking bothered.” He picks up the half-eaten apple, “You want some of this?”
“Do I want some of your half-eaten apple?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck no. Throw it away if you don't want it.”
“We shouldn't waste food. What if we run out before we get out of here?”
“Well you eat it then.”
Removing some tissue from his pocket, Justin wraps the half-eaten apple in it carefully, burying it back in his knapsack. Watching him Brian shakes his head in disbelief.
“What?” queries Justin.
“I can't believe you just did that.”
“You might be glad later.”
“I doubt it.”
“You know what your problem is Brian? You have no survival skills. I bet you couldn't go a week without laundry service.”
“After I was fired from Vanguard I went a lot longer than a week without laundry service.”
“Yeah, cause I did it!" snorts Justin quickly, "I don't think you've ever even set foot in the laundry in your basement.”
“There's a laundry in my basement?” Brian shakes his head with an sarcastic crook of his lip, “Well, well, you really do learn something everyday.”
“You know the sad thing about that is that it's probably true.” Justin gets to his feet, brushing down his jacket. “Shit, my ass is freezing.”
Brian reaches out one hand, grabbing one ass cheek, “Feels hot to me.”
Justin rolls his eyes at him, “Come on, we need to keep moving.”
“So what happened next?” asks Brian after a while.
“What?”
“After you told the producer that getting your ass fucked was one of the greatest privileges of being a gay man?”
“Oh, well he didn't seem very impressed.”
“No shit.”
“Yeah, so then he lays out his vision for the movie - which of course was news to me. Fucking Brett Keller had told me that he would have the directorial control - that he would stick to our vision - that he would be the one in charge. What a load of shit!” The last exclamation rounded off with a petulant kick towards a jutting tree root to emphasise his point.
“Well they're the ones with the money, ergo - they're the ones with the power.”
Justin snorts with another bad-tempered kick at the abused tree root, “They wanted to make JT a girl Brian! A fucking girl!” He raises his eyes to Brian's, narrowing them in irritation as he sees Brian attempting to hide a smirk of amusement, “It's not fucking funny! A girl! They thought there wasn't enough of a female presence in the movie - so lets make the main character's love interest female - just like every other fucking movie ever! You can imagine how angry this made me. The love between Rage and JT is what drives the whole fucking story - if you turn JT into a girl then Rage isn't even queer anymore. So much for a gay avenger!” Brian flashes him a quick look taking in the sullen line of Justin's mouth, the bitter sheen of his eyes, “In a way I'm kinda pleased I figured out what a pathetic spineless pussy Brett Keller is now before I signed away my artistic control to him because there is no fucking way I'm gonna allow him to make this movie now. His idea… his idea Brian - was to go along with the JT is a girl bullshit, but cast an actress with short hair who's kinda androgynous looking. That way he figured we could hint that she was a guy in a celluloid closet way - but of course she wouldn't actually be a guy because that would just be too controversial!” his voice breaks into contemptuous sarcasm and he stretches out one foot to stamp on a branch, feeling it break with a satisfying snap. “The really fucking crazy thing is that he'd thought I'd go along with it. No fucking way!”
“Did you tell him that?”
“I told him I wanted his driver to take me to the airport.” Justin snorts again, “I wasn't fucking sticking around after that. He pulled out all the stops to try and get me to stay - inviting me to another bullshit party, offering to give me tickets for a lame-ass movie premiere - and get this - he even fucking offered me a job!”
“He offered you a job?” Brian's eyes widen in surprise as he darts another look at Justin, “You didn't say anything.”
“Because I'm not going to take it! Oh he laid on the compliments - telling me I was talented, that he wanted to work with people like me, people with vision, with ideas, with balls!” he scoffs over that word and turns away from Brian, pushing back through the trees, voice low and bitter again, “But it was all bullshit! It was just a bribe - just a way of trying to get me to agree to all the changes.”
“What makes you think that?” Brian narrows his eyes on Justin's retreating back.
Ignoring Brian's question, Justin's voice carries through the rustling trees, “I am so glad Michael and I took Ben's advice and got a proper contract, this way at least we can stop them from making this monstrosity of a movie.”
Brian frowns thoughtfully and moves to follow him, “I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.”
“Whatever!” comes the scornful reply, “I guess I should look on it as a learning experience huh? Character-building and all that bullshit.”
Catching up with him, Brian lays one hand on Justin's shoulder, tugging him closer, fingers playing with the short blond hairs at the nape of Justin's neck, “So were there no redeeming features at all to your little sojourn in La-la land?”
Justin wrinkles his nose at the question, puffing out his cheeks with a small self-satisfied quirk of his lip.
“Alright, dish it Sunshine.” Brian's mouth moves into an amused line, “Who'd you fuck?”
“Connor James.”
“The actor?”
“Yes," Justin nods, unable to keep the quick smug smile from glancing across his face. "I met him at a party at Brett's place the first night. Brett wanted him to play Rage.”
“Impressive, a real live movie star. What was he like?”
“Hot. Really hot… and with a ridiculously perfect body." Justin raises his eyes to Brian, expression softening as he smiles into Brian's face, "But nothing compared to the real Rage.”
********
“How far do you think we've walked now?”
“I don't know. Miles.”
“Yeah,” Justin pauses, he wrangles the water bottle out his knapsack, unscrews the cap and takes a long thirsty drag, “Look, the sun's really going down now. It's even darker in here.” He glances towards Brian, trying to keep the shakiness out his voice, “What should we do?”
“We keep moving. We have a flashlight and if we get too tired to walk then we stop, make camp.”
“In here?”
“If we have to.”
“We have no tent, it was attached to your bicycle.”
Brian sighs, “Yes, I know that. But we have our sleeping bags and we can build a fire. No shortage of fucking wood in here.”
Justin nods heavily, darting nervous glances towards the other, “Shit! What was that?”
“What?”
“That noise. Can you hear it?”
They both fall silent, their eyes fixed on each other's tense faces. The light around them is grey now, the ever-present rustling sound of the trees ominous in the oppressive gloom. The air is colder, icier than earlier, the evening almost definitely arrived. Justin shivers convulsively, his whole body bursting with gooseflesh. Straining his ears, he realises that he can hear voices. He glances back towards Brian; Brian is frowning, his expression unclear.
“Brian?” he mutters. “I think it's -”
“It's a voice,” states Brian decisively, a renewed purpose suddenly in his face.
“Coming from where? Shit, where's it coming from? Where are they?”
Brian crosses quickly towards him, laying one silencing hand on his shoulder. Justin stills, listening hard again, the weight of Brian's hand on his shoulder is comforting, he edges closer to the warmth of Brian's body, grabbing a fistful of Brian's jacket in his hand.
“This way.” Brian grabs Justin's hand in his own and tugs him forcefully through an identical patch of trees, the sound of the cracking branches and their own crunching footsteps are loud and overbearing in Justin's ears, but faintly under all of it, he can just about make out the low buzz of a voice. Brian pauses again, motioning to Justin to be quiet, his hand a protective clasp on Justin's arm.
“Oh my God, I think that's…” Justin listens closely again, unsure if he can truly believe what he's hearing, “I think I'm going crazy but that's Emmett's voice! Brian, I think that's Emmett's voice!”
Feeling slightly hysterical, he throws a questioning glance at Brian who seems to be wrestling with matching disbelief.
“Oh my God! Brian! Thank fuck!”
They set off again, still following the sound of what now is unmistakably Emmett's voice, pushing uncaringly through the last wall of branches... finding themselves face to face with a clearing - no, not another fucking clearing - a field! A field. Justin feels like crying out loud in blessed relief. It's a field. Never before in his life has the sight of grass been so gloriously welcoming. And there, in the middle of the field, sitting on bales of hay: Ted and Emmett. Justin halts abruptly, disbelief and incomprehension written across his face.
“Brian? Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Please tell me this isn't a fucking hallucination or anything.”
“Theodore and Emmett in the middle of a field,” comes the flat, stupefied response.
“Yeah,” nods Justin, a shaky laugh escaping him. He can hear Ted speaking now, his sarcastic monotone drifting through the cold dark air towards them.
“What the fuck are they doing?”
“Well naturally, they're having a 12-step meeting Sunshine.” Brian seems to have recovered from his initial stupefaction and turns his face to raise a duh obviously eyebrow at Justin.
“What, out here and now? That's fucking weird.”
“Yeah, well it's Theodore and Emmett, they are fucking weird. Come on.”
“No! Brian, wait!” Justin stretches out, grabbing onto the other's jacket, he tugs him back, “Perhaps we should let them finish first? Aren't these things supposed to be sacred or something?”
Brian looks down at him and smirks, “Fuck that. Come on.” He holds out one hand to Justin who grabs it, letting himself be pulled into the clearing.
“…with the help of my friends and my…. Brian? What are you…?” Ted turns an aghast face on Brian and Justin as they stumble into view. “Haven't I told you before about interrupting me when I'm sharing?”
Evidently back to his normal shit-eating self, Brian takes in Ted's stunned expression with impressive nonchalance, “Don't let me stop you Theodore.”
“Bri-an! Justin! Oh my God, what on earth are you boys doing here? Wow, Teddy - do you know what this means?” Emmett turns a delighted face towards a still shocked Ted, who looks back at him blankly, “This means we can have a proper meeting! Start again - I'll introduce you and we all can say hi… What d'you think?”
“What do I think?” repeats Ted, voice appalled and mistrustful, “I think there's no way on earth I'm going to share in front of him,” he waves an accusatory finger towards Brian who has made himself comfortable on another bale of hay, Justin close beside him.
“Wait a minute! What happened to your bicycles?” Justin raises his head to see Emmett regarding them both with a confused expression, “And why are you here? Why aren't you with the group?”
Justin opens his mouth to answer, but before he can, Ted's voice, knowing and ironic, chimes in: “Let me guess - you both ran off into the trees to fuck and ended up getting lost. Am I right?” He's rewarded with two stony, distinctly unamused stares. “I knew it.” He shakes his head and chuckles, turning to Justin, “I bet you wish you'd stayed in LA.”
“Oooh LA,” sighs Emmett wistfully, “just imagine if we were there now? Just sitting outside one of those delicious bars in West Hollywood - watching the guys, soaking up the rays, sipping a daiquiri. Heaven.”
“Instead we're in the middle of a field, practically freezing to death,” comments Ted sardonically.
“So why aren't you two with the rest of the group?" asks Justin, his face still registering acute confusion.
"It's a long story," begins Ted.
"We got lost looking for a place called Little Hope," adds Emmett.
"Evidently not that long," amends Ted.
"Oh, well that all makes perfect sense," comments Brian sarcastically. "But it doesn't answer the question of: where the fuck are we?"
“Well, we have a map?” suggests Emmett, hoisting his knapsack onto his knee, he commences scrabbling around in it.
“Like that has brought us anything but bad luck so far,” Ted scoffs, watching Emmett produce the limp looking map from his bag with an exuberant flourish.
Brian grabs the map from him, squinting in the low light. “Well, I can't even read this fucking thing now. We should stay here and look in the morning.”
“We had kinda come to that conclusion too."
"Only, we don't have a tent. Justin left it behind."
"I did not! It was on your bicycle."
"Don't worry about that! We can all share," comes Emmett's easy assessment of the situation.
"It's a two-man tent," contradicts Ted, looking between the four of them with something resembling trepidation.
********
"Aw, they're quite sweet really," Emmett takes a long sip of water from his bottle, squirming for a comfortable position on the bale of hay beneath him.
Ted glances at the tent, frowning at the increasingly loud sounds of heavy breathing and panting coming from within, "Yeah, that's exactly the word I would use - sweet.”
"Oh come on Teddy! Admit that you're just jealous - I know I am! I haven't woken up to a good morning fuck in oh... over a week!"
"Make it over six months in my case," mutters Ted flatly.
"Six months, that is really almost tragic." Emmett gives him a sympathetic look, then turns his head to cast another long considered gaze at the now almost rocking tent. "Do you think they'll ever get tired of each other?”
“You mean the couple who abandoned a charity bike-ride half way through because they couldn't wait a few hours to fuck each other? And were then so into it they didn't notice where they were going and ended up lost for an entire day? You mean that couple, right?”
“Hmm, I see your point,” muses Emmett. “But they've been together - over three years now is it? And how many times do you think they've fucked? Hundreds? Thousands? And they never get tired of each other? They still can't keep their hands off each other?” He shakes his head, kicking his heels against the bale of hay beneath him, “Why can't I have that in a relationship?” he adds wistfully.
“You want a relationship like Brian and Justin's?” queries Ted, raising one disbelieving eyebrow. “A relationship where you never talk to each other - where you fuck as many guys as you like on the side? A relationship where the word relationship is banned from your vocabulary?”
“You don't know all that Teddy,” counters Emmett. “We don't know what they're like when they're alone. They could be whispering endearments to each other every night for all we know.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” Ted shakes his head, unconvinced.
“Alright! What about this morning?” Emmett gestures at him with his water bottle, “Before they kicked us out the tent to fuck, I watched them together - the way they were looking at each other, whispering, kissing, giggling?”
"Yes, you don't need to remind me, I was there too. After the first fifteen minutes the sound of them making out did begin to get uncomfortably distracting," comments Ted dryly.
"See?" Emmett spreads his hands expansively, “Mark my words - that's one seriously loved up couple.”
“Well, whatever they are, I wish they'd hurry up and finish, I want to pack up and get moving." Ted unfolds the map from his pocket, turning it over in his hands, "I think I've figured out where we are now." He turns to look at Emmett, but Emmett's eyes are still fixed on the tent. "Em? Emmett?"
"Would you fuck him? If you had the chance?"
“Who? Brian?”
“No Teddy! Justin. Would you fuck Justin?”
"Well let me see... would I fuck my boss - that's Brian Kinney, my boss's boyfriend? Hmm, this is a tough one... Maybe… maybe if I decided I wanted to be a deadman, an unemployed deadman."
Emmett makes a tutting sound with his mouth, "That's not answering the question. Pretend he's not Brian's boyfriend. I'm talking about if you met him in Babylon - would you want to fuck him then?"
"If I met him in Babylon? Yeah, that's likely. What are the chances that someone like Justin would want to fuck someone like me? He could have anyone, he has Brian for fuck's sake!"
Emmett smiles to himself, "Yep, he certainly does. Has him wrapped right around his little finger."
"Is someone talking about me?" Face still rosy, shit-eating grin in place and hair distinctly out of place, Brian emerges from the tent, followed closely by a slightly sheepish looking Justin.
"You know you're our favourite topic of conversation Brian!" coos Emmett serenely, getting to his feet. "Both of you!" he amends taking in Justin's presence.
"Had a good morning?" asks Ted sarcastically.
"Fucking great morning," answers Brian, looking immensely pleased with himself.
"So we heard."
"Oh God, please tell me you didn't hear us," Justin looks between Ted and Emmett with a pleading expression.
"Sweetie, I think the birds on the other side of that mountain heard you," answers Emmett, tossing a sympathetic arm around his shoulders.
Brian watches them closely, "I don't know what you're whining about, you don't mind getting your ass fucked in the backroom in front of a lot more than two horny fags."
"Brian, that's different," retorts Justin. "They're not friends of mine."
Brian shrugs; moving towards Justin and Emmett, he removes Emmett's arm unceremoniously from Justin's shoulders, pulling Justin back against his own body. Emmett smiles to himself, watching Brian whisper something into Justin's ear, the answering grin sliding across Justin's features as he turns to whisper something back to Brian, their mouths coming together in a quick kiss.
Draining the rest of his water, he tosses the now empty bottle towards Ted who catches it, simultaneously letting the dishevelled map flutter to the ground. “Shit Emmett! I think I just found where we are - now you've made me lose my place!”
“Qué será, será! I have a great feeling about today,” comes Emmett's blithe response and placing his hands either side of his friend's face, he disposes a smacking kiss on Ted's forehead. "Happy Birthday Teddy - belatedly for yesterday."
Slowly Ted smiles back at him, "Thanks Em."
A loud noise very much like someone clearing their throat spears them apart and they turn to take in Brian's expectantly raised eyebrow, "When you two have quite finished wasting time feeling each other up - we've got a fucking tent to pack up?"
*******
Brian raises his eyes, his gaze falling on the forms of Ted and Emmett ahead of them, manhandling their squeaking bicycles over divots and weeds, voices rising and falling, "What do you think they find to talk about all the goddamned time?"
"I don't know. Normal shit?”
Brian glances across at him, snorting in amusement, “You're especially profound today Sunshine.”
Justin shrugs, “Whatever. What do people talk about? What do we talk about?"
"Fucking? How hot I am?"
"Apart from fucking and how hot you are?"
"Movies."
"Movies? When?” Justin demands; amending quickly: “And the Rage shit doesn't count.”
"Last week. You were watching Grosse Point Blank and talking about how much you'd like to fuck John Cusak."
"I would like to fuck John Cusak."
"Well you've already done Connor James. Put him next on your list."
"He's straight. At least I think he is."
"Well, you could find out for yourself."
"I'm not going to find out Brian, because I'm never going back to Hollywood. I told you that yesterday." Justin purses his lips together, "You can't possibly think that making the movie now with all the changes they want would be a good idea?"
"No of course I don't. I just don't want you denying yourself any opportunities - such as a job offer in Hollywood with a top director…”
“Who's a talentless spineless pussy,” interrupts Justin contemptuously.
“Which is completely immaterial to the fact that a job like that could do great things for your future career.”
Justin pulls a face, looking away from him. “You can't tell me what to do Brian, anyway I don't want a fucking career in Hollywood!”
“Christ! I'm not telling you what to do. Look. Listen to me.” Brian pauses for a moment and Justin can almost hear him swallowing over the exasperation in his throat, “I don't want you to not do something because you think you have good reasons for not doing it, when the real reason may be something else entirely.”
Justin flashes him a sideways glance, “Brian -”
“Listen. You might think you owe me something - because... because of the cancer and other shit,” he pauses, his voice low, “but that's bullshit. You don't owe me anything. You're only twenty, you're going to have loads of opportunities that might not just be in Pittsburgh, you can't deny yourself them because it means moving away."
“I'm not denying myself anything,” insists Justin. “I promise. This has nothing to do with you and me - with us. It's because Rage is mine, well mine and Michael's. And this story - it's not just some story I made up, it's about something that happened to me and I'm not letting some pathetic talentless excuse for a homosexual and a load of middle-aged straight guys who don't know the first fucking thing about being gay fucking defecate all over it with their bullshit ideas and crass commercialism!” He pauses for a moment, catching his breath, tempering his voice, “Look, Brian - I really… I love the way you always want to look out for me - the way you always want the best for me. But sometimes your best isn't mine - and, as you always say - I'm a big boy and I can make up my own mind.”
Brian laughs under his breath, flashing him a quick affectionate glance, “I guess you can.”
“Yeah.”
“So what are you going to do now?”
Justin shrugs, “Get on with my life. Go to school, paint, hang out at Woody's with the guys, have lots and lots of amazing sex with you over and over again…”
“Hmm, I particularly approve of that last one.”
Justin smiles to himself, “Yeah.” He pauses, eyes locked on Emmett as he watches him push his bicycle through a particularly dense patch of grass, long stalks threading into the wheel spokes, “I guess I am kinda disappointed - it would've been cool to have had a movie made… but, staying true to Rage is more important.” He darts a sideways glance at Brian, stretching out one hand to slap him on the arm, “Anyway, look at it this way - at least I got to come on the ride with you!” He rounds off the sentence with a sickly sweet smile into Brian's face.
Brian huffs out a small sound of amusement, “Yeah - still not seeing that as a good thing.”
“What? Imagine what an even shittier time you'd be having without me? You should be thanking me for hustling my ass back to Toronto in time to join you all! Though, I wish I'd made it in time to see Michael and Ben get married."
“Believe me, you didn't miss anything.”
Justin half-laughs to himself, “Yeah, I could've put money on you saying something like that.”
“Could you?”
“Yeah. I could. You're so predictable. Just like I knew you'd come on the ride, after telling me you weren't going to.”
“You know me so well,” comes the sarcastic rejoinder.
“Yeah, I do and you should know better than to bother pretending with me. I do know you and I know there's no fucking way you wouldn't have been moved by seeing your best friend forever pledging himself to another guy for the rest of his life.”
“Moved? Yeah - to tears of boredom.”
Justin shakes his head, “Oh Brian, just admit that seeing Michael join the realms of the happily married upset you." He lowers his voice to a whisper, tone mock serious, "I promise to keep it a secret.”
“I told Mikey I thought it was a fucking stupid idea. I told him he was wasting his time and I told him that it was all bullshit; but for some reason, he seemed to think otherwise…” Brian breaks off for a moment, feeling in his zippered pocket for a pack of cigarettes, “When he and the professor break up - and believe me it will happen at some point - then they'll just be another fucking statistic. Just like any other fucking straight couple. Making more money for the divorce lawyers.”
“So every marriage is doomed to fail?”
“Name me one that hasn't.”
“Mel and Linds.”
“That's what you think,” mutters Brian darkly, removing a cigarette from the pack he poses it in his mouth, patting his other pocket for his lighter.
“What?” Justin halts for a moment, resting one hand on Brian's shoulder, attempting to turn him around, staring into his face.
Brian shrugs, snapping on his lighter, unable to hide the whisker of self-satisfaction glancing over his face.
“Brian! What are you talking about? Mel and Linds are alright, aren't they?”
Brian takes a long drag on his cigarette, Justin can see the hardness climbing across his face, "Lets just say that I'd be very surprised if they stayed together after this kid's born.”
Justin looks back at him, trying to digest his words, “Well, even if they do break up, it doesn't mean to say that all marriages are doomed.”
“Okay, let's take your parents, or even better: my parents?” Brian raises a sardonic eyebrow, “Now there's a shining example of marital bliss.”
Justin bites his tongue, still staring at Brian; from this angle he can see his profile, recognise the impassive stiffness in his face, the stony tightness at the corners of his mouth.
A few minutes pass, a few minutes of wordless walking. Brian smokes the rest of his cigarette and tosses the butt nonchalantly into a clump of earth. Justin watches it smoulder pathetically for a moment until it fades out of view. He can hear Emmett's voice rising and falling musically, the occasional phrase suddenly clear. Brian's words are still going around his head, he wants to roll his eyes, snort, laugh. It's not as if any of this is new to him, he is very familiar with Brian's often aired views on life, the universe and everything, or in this case: relationships, marriage and everything. I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking. The memory of those words, of that conversation - one of the few serious ones they've ever had - is still sharp in his brain, still clear, the tearful snapping of his heart as Brian uttered them, still real, still heavy, even now, after all this time… But that was a long time ago. Those words - they're bullshit now. He knows how Brian feels about him, he can feel it in every look, every caress, every affectionate roll of his eyes. The whole argument about Hollywood - about Justin not denying himself anything is testament to those feelings. And yet… he can't stop the question from coming out: “So where does that leave us then?”
"What?"
"Where does all your all marriages are doomed to fail mantra leave us then?"
“We're not married and we're never going to be. Thank fuck.”
“Yeah, like that would ever happen. But that's not what I meant and anyway even if you did fucking propose to me, which you never would, I'd say no. But, I wasn't talking about that -"
“There's no way you would turn me down.”
Mouth still open, about to continue, Justin glances towards the other, "What?"
“If I proposed to you - just like the professor did to Mikey, there's no fucking way you'd say no.”
"But I wasn't talking about th-"
“You wouldn't say no,” repeats Brian confidently, interrupting him again. “There's nothing your little romantic heart would love more than to have us stand up together declaring our undying love for each other, forsaking all others and all that bullshit.”
“What? No. Brian, I don't want that..."
"I'm not sure I believe you Sunshine."
"No, it's true. Things between us now are really good - great, I would never want to jeopardize that and marriage, you and me - it would be a mockery. You wouldn't mean it, and I know what to expect from you - remember? So even if you got down on one knee right now and proposed to me, I would still say no.”
Brian frowns, Justin's words running over him, “So that's it then? That's all you want from me? You don't want anything else? You're happy - just - with this?”
“What? Brian?" Justin frowns in confusion, a shaky uncertain laugh escaping him, "Where is all this coming from?”
Brian shrugs, avoiding Justin's questioning eyes. He has no fucking clue where it's coming from, why he's pushing for a conversation he would normally avoid like an Over 30's Night at Woody's. It would be a mockery. Justin's words echo in his ears. I know what to expect from you - remember? Yeah, he fucking remembers. But that was then. It's different now…
“Is this all because I said I'd liked to have seen Michael and Ben get married?”
Brian stares back at him, I know what to expect from you - remember? The words are still beating around his head. He can feel something tighten in his stomach. He remembers. He remembers everything. Every last minute of those long, long, silent nights, nights when the bed never felt so fucking big, when the quiet was never so fucking oppressive. Yeah, he remembers. But… it is different now. Things have changed. Hell, the fucking scar on his groin is proof of that. A rush of fear begins to seep through his body. All this and still…
“Do you think that just because they got married that I'll suddenly expect you to…”
Wordlessly Brian stretches out one hand, grabbing Justin by the arm he pulls him roughly backwards, cutting him off mid speech. Justin stumbles, his body colliding with Brian's, his face registering initial surprise, eyes widening and mouth moving into a What the fuck? shape; seeing the look in Brian's eyes he shuts it quickly, letting Brian pull him closer.
“Kiss me.”
Justin's mouth moves in an uncertain movement, “Brian?” he tries to look away but feels Brian's hand grab his chin.
“Look at me. Kiss me,” repeats Brian persistently.
Justin huffs out a small tentative smile, trying to wrench his head away, “We should keep moving,” he warns. “Keep up with Ted and Emmett.”
Ignoring him Brian presses his mouth on Justin's; forcing their lips together. Justin's lips are cold and dry, almost unfamiliar. Brian rests one hand behind Justin's head, his fingers in the short blond hair, he edges closer, their shiny thin Lycra jackets crackle together as they press against each other; he can feel Justin's breathing through his chest, the beating of his heart. Justin is beginning to relax, his mouth opens and their tongues clash together, the familiar always-there hotness beginning to catch between them… just as it did earlier that morning in the tent, just as it did the previous day when they abandoned their bicycles to run into the forest, just as it did two days earlier when he drove Justin to the airport and fucked him in the parking lot, just as it did the very first time he brought Justin's trembling virgin ass back to the loft; just as it does every single fucking time he can remember. Justin is kissing him back now, his tongue hot and insistent. Brian feels himself dissolve into the kiss and he opens his eyes, needing to see Justin's face. He's so close that Brian can see where the tiny blond stubble is beginning to break through the pores of his skin. Brian pulls out of the kiss, he leans his face forward and rests his mouth on Justin's cheek, breathing in Justin's warm familiar scent.
“Brian?” He moves one hand to run it through Brian's hair, Brian closes his eyes, sinking into the touch, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he exhales the word eventually. He lifts his head away for a moment, not meeting the other's stare.
"You know you can say it." Justin's mouth is close to Brian's ear. He can feel the hot prickle of Justin's warm breath against the side of his face. "They're only words. Three little words. They won't stick in your throat and poison you for saying them."
Brian doesn't answer but pulls away, expression unclear. "What three little words?"
"You know," continues Justin with a slow smile, voice low and sultry. His mouth edges closer to Brian's ear, "Please top me." He pulls away from Brian, barely managing to stifle the snort of glee as he takes in Brian's confused look, "Oh God, you should see the expression on your face!" he sniggers again, relishing his own joke, "Fucking priceless! Were you expecting me to say something else?" he adds innocently.
Brian stares back at him, the words are circling around his brain, I love you his eyes are locked on Justin's smug faux-innocent smile, he's fucking mesmerised by it, by the sheen of his skin in the cold air, by the amusement crooking at the edges of Justin's mouth, I love you. Brian feels his own mouth twitch into a returning smile, "I love you," he murmurs, the words barely formed as they leave his lips. He immediately pulls away, realising what he's said, a sudden grin, goofy and slightly sheepish, shifts uninvited across his face. Raising his eyebrows, trying to regain sudden lost equilibrium, he turns around, moving away.
Justin stands, dumbstruck for a moment, then, slowly, a smile begins to slide across his face; he laughs unsteadily and darts forward, "Brian!" he calls, his voice absurdly loud in the surrounding quiet. He grabs at Brian hard around the waist, the momentum almost knocking them over; Brian wraps his arms around him to steady them both, "Did you really just say that?"
"You should see the expression on your face," comes the response. "Fucking priceless - were you expecting me to say something else?" and he grins - wide and almost joyful.
Justin laughs out loud, the smile splitting his face, "I love you more!”
Brian's eyes soften as he stares back at him, "I seriously doubt that," he whispers. He lowers his mouth to Justin, their lips meeting in a long, deep kiss. Justin's hands twine into Brian's hair and he feels Brian's arms tighten around him. Time passes and they stand, mouths still locked together, unaware of time, unaware of Ted and Emmett, unaware of the Liberty Ride, unaware of everything except each other.
“Brian, say it again. I want to hear you tell me it again.” Justin's voice is a low murmur, husky and intense.
Pulling back from him, Brian stares into his face, “Move in with me.”
“What?”
“Move in with me.”
“Brian…”
“I want you to come and live with me. Permanently.” He reaches out one hand to caress the side of Justin's face, dragging his thumb softly over Justin's lips, “This current situation with you running between the loft and Daphne's - it's just not working for me anymore…” His bows his head forward slightly, their foreheads touching lightly. “And as for the times when you're not around, well I'd kinda like you to be.”
Justin feels every muscle in his body tense as Brian speaks, and then they relax, a slow liquid feeling of euphoria sliding into every pore of his body, “I've been wanting you to ask me that ever since the first moment you took me there,” he breathes, moving his face away from Brian's.
“Well say yes then.” Brian raises his eyes, they're soft and hopeful, a smile at the corner of his mouth.
“Yes,” murmurs Justin quietly.
“Yes?”
“Yes.” His voice stronger, tone more insistent.
“Yes?”
“Fuck yes!” laughs Justin.
**********
"What the fuck happened to you boys? Where the fuck have you been?" Deb stands in front of them, hands on hips, gum turned up to eleven.
"We ran off into the bushes to fuck and got lost," answers Brian serenely.
"Uh-huh.” She nods sagely, cracks her gum and turns her head towards Ted and Emmett, “And you two?"
"It was a mission of mercy Deb…" begins Emmett.
“Which will keep until after we finish the ride,” interjects Ted. “I think we should be going now.” He mounts his bicycle, Emmett quickly following him. Justin turns his head watching them pedal off, Emmett waving goodbye with exuberant enthusiasm.
“So what happened to your bicycles?” demands Deb turning her gaze back on Brian and Justin.
"We don't know," apologises Justin, "sorry."
"Shit, don't apologise to me Sunshine, I didn't buy them."
"No, I did," states Brian. "Are there any spares?"
"Hell yes there's some spares. Rufus Evans, you know him? Works at the Shop n' Save on Liberty - well he had a bit of an accident yesterday, though I would say it was his own fault, trying to cruise a guy while riding a bicycle is not my idea of -"
"Deb?" prompts Brian. "Today please."
"Keep your fucking pants on! Except in your case - in both your cases - it's wasted advice!" She makes to move away, snapping her gum and shaking her head.
"Oh Deb!" calls Justin, running after her, "Has everyone gone past yet?"
"Nearly everyone honey," she nods.
"How about Michael and Ben?"
"No, I haven't seen them yet," she frowns, a crease of anxiety threading across her forehead. "You don't think -"
"I'm sure they're okay," Justin answers hastily. Turning back to Brian, Justin mouths a loud: "See?"
"See what?" mouths back Brian sidling up to him.
"Michael and Ben haven't gone past yet." He whispers, smile wide and wicked, "We can still beat them to the finish line."
Brian stares back at him, the matching grin spreading across his face, "Well, what the fuck are we waiting for? Deb! Where are those goddamned bicycles?"