[Fiction] - Machina deus chapter 9

[purpleicicles]

Wooo. Somehow, around, through and between episodes of the truly epic argument my mum and brother had last night (and the two-day and counting aftermath) I managed to write obe freaking chapter. As a result of said argument, the argument plotted out in the story coincidentally occuring in this chapter is suitably dark and angsty. Guess the

Comments

[gen50]

i think you really need to work on your paragraphing.
sometimes i cant decipher who is talking so i waste time re-reading.
sometimes you dont change paragraphs when you change speakers and it creates difficulties for me.

also use a blank space when changing paragraphs. it really helps not only the eye but the mind. it helps the mind shape the fic in the head.
i'm not sure i'm explaining it right.

also... do you need to describe all the realms? like the lower heavens and the denizens of those areas? i hope they play a part.

i would rather you spent your considerable descriptive skills in describing the areas that are really important. i'm assuming they are important?

also i find myself getting confused with the players. your who's who.
perhaps a short list? thanks.

[purpleicicles]

The paragraphing's pissing me off too, because when I type this in Word, I'm using the tab button at the beginning of new paragraphs, and skipping lines to show passage of time or a change of scenes. Trouble is, the tab comman doesn't seem to get recognized, and I only realized recently when I went through all the entries sorting out the bold and italic functions when I realised they weren't coming up, either. It's a total bitch, and I might consider moving to the time-honoure skip-a-line and lines of stars technique of paragraph separation if I can't work out how to do tabs by any other method than repeated spacebar clicking

[gen50]

well, thanks - i think you have have to resort to the honored tradition of skipping a line. otherwise, it is a tad difficult for my mind to process.
particularly since i am not used to reading long fics on lj.

so may i ask for a cast of chars at least? it would help.
thanks.

[purpleicicles]

I'm gonna use the skip-a-line method, though it'll be a hassle to go back and change the previous chapters, so I think I'll just implement it from now on.

The characters are;
THE COUNCIL: Raziel (War god), Tathos (Head of council, Game authority), Luna (air elemental), Argaeon (ex-kindred), Arius-Eken (angel), Hemphis + Mama Boushka (Pygmy tribe God and his goddess wife), The Dark Lady (Deth Goddess, familiar= ravens), Tidus (messenger and spy of gods) and Mien (sphere).

THE KIN-REALMS: Kin-Master (Head Kindred, Machine's new master), Machine (God's assisstant and prisoner of the Kin-Master).

MORTALS: Percy (Occult historian of Museum of Oddities and Antiquities), Othello (disillusiones beggar), Michael (Ethereal Raven), Archie (Percy's raven).

Hope that helps!