Fic: A Heavy Heart to Carry 14/16 [Glee]
Title: A Heavy Heart to Carry
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: R
Genre/pairing: Mentions of Kurt/Blaine and one-sided Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Kurt, OC
Word count: 3,865
Warnings: Homophobic language, mostly off-screen violence
Spoilers: Through 4x10
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary: When a hate crime leaves Blaine in the hospital and re-opens old hurts he'd thought buried, Kurt and Sebastian grudgingly work together to look after him, neither trusting the other not to hurt Blaine further.
Chapter 14
Not just a victim: Hate crime survivor Blaine Anderson speaks out for the first time
By Richard Davies
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Blaine Anderson looks like a regular, if well-dressed, high school student. The 18-year-old’s Brooks Brothers clothes and slicked back hair give him an old Hollywood style, and his easy smile adds to his charm. He also has a penchant for bowties and a coffee addiction.
A senior at William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio, he has an impressive resume, including student council president, lead soloist of the New Directions glee club, co-captain of the cheerleading squad, credits in school productions of “West Side Story” (Tony) and “Grease” (Teen Angel), and president of several other clubs. In his spare time, he also boxes and has begun composing his own music. And he does all of this while keeping up a valedictorian-esque GPA.
These are the things that Mr. Anderson wants to define him. But many people, from neighbors and classmates to the national media, only seem interested in his sexual orientation.
“I’ve been out since I was 13,” he says. “I came out the summer before my freshman year of high school, but I’d known for longer.”
But being an out teen in a conservative community isn’t easy, something Mr. Anderson knows better than most.
On the evening of March 18, 2013, Mr. Anderson was attacked outside a coffee shop in his hometown of Westerville, a suburb of Columbus. He was in a coma for three days, suffering from fractured ribs and fingers, a broken arm and torn ligaments in his knee. But it was the swelling in his brain that worried doctors most. After waking up despite an uncertain prognosis, Mr. Anderson spent two and a half weeks in the hospital and another month recovering at home before he was able to return to school.
“I don’t remember it,” Mr. Anderson says of the attack that garnered national attention. “I have a few bits and pieces, but I don’t know if they’re actual memories or just my subconscious trying to fill in what I was told happened.”
According to police records, the confrontation went something like this: Mr. Anderson departed the coffee ship around closing time. He dialed a friend’s phone on his way to his car. Three men - Roy Matthews, Nick Hewitt, and Eric Mitchell, all of Westerville - cornered him in the parking lot and assaulted him with a crowbar and baseball bat while hurling slurs about his orientation. Mr. Anderson’s friend, Sebastian Smythe, heard the attack over the phone and called 9-1-1.
“They told me that Sebastian saved my life by finding me when he did,” Mr. Anderson says, sounding tired but grateful. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.”
While tragic, Mr. Anderson’s case seemed destined to become just another statistic about hate crimes in America, but it captured the nation’s attention when it was revealed that he was a family friend of Congressman Burt Hummel, who is well-known for his pro-gay rights stance. Congressman Hummel has an out son, Kurt, who Mr. Anderson dated and remains friends with.
“Kurt met Blaine at a rough time in his life,” Congressman Hummel reflects. “He was being bullied in school and I’d just had a health scare. I was losing him, but then Blaine came along and made him smile again. He and Blaine became friends, and I started getting my kid back. When they started dating, Kurt was happier than I’d ever seen him, and Blaine became like another son.
“A big reason I ran for office was to make life easier for kids like Kurt and Blaine,” the Congressman adds. “They’re so young and have been through so much. I’ve never met braver people. They’re my heroes.”
Outside of political ramifications, the case is also notable because this was not Mr. Anderson’s first run-in with Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hewitt, and Mr. Mitchell.
“My freshman year, I attended Westerville High,” Mr. Anderson says. “There was a Sadie Hawkins dance and I asked a friend, the only other out guy in school. We had fun, but when we were waiting for his dad to pick us up, these three guys attacked us. I don’t remember much about that night either, but I spent a week in the hospital after.”
Mr. Anderson also never saw his friend again. “I was told not to get in touch with him,” he remembers, his voice taking on a slightly bitter tone. “I think that was the worst part, losing the connection to the only person I knew who understood what I was going through.
“My family is supportive,” he hastens to add, “but there are some things you can really only get if you’ve experienced it. Being on the other side of that much hate just for being who you are is one of them.” Especially, he adds, when you’re only 14 years old.
It was that hate that prompted Mr. Anderson to seek out a safe haven after his recovery. “I transferred to Dalton [Academy, a private all-boys school in Westerville] for their zero tolerance policy, but I had to repeat my freshman year because I’d missed so much school.”
Charges were never filed due to what the Andersons’ lawyer deemed insufficient proof. However, the statute of limitations on the alleged assault has not run out, and two officers in the Westerville Police Department, on the condition of anonymity, expressed a wish to charge the three men for both attacks.
Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hewitt, and Mr. Mitchell, however, have since pled guilty to felony assault for the March 2013 incident. They will each serve ten years in prison, accepting a reduced sentence in exchange for the prosecution dropping charges for the previous assault.
Fast forward four years and it’s déjà vu. “It’s terrifying,” Mr. Anderson tells me, his eyes going distant for a moment. “Knowing that people can hate you so much for something you can’t control.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to let fear control my life, but sometimes I wake up from a nightmare and it’s all there is. That’s going to be a part of me for the rest of my life.”
It is said that courage is not being unafraid, but acting in spite of that fear. And that definition seems to fit Blaine Anderson to a T. When asked why he decided to give this interview after turning down requests from numerous other outlets, he replies, “I don’t want to be a victim anymore. I hear my name on TV or see it in the newspaper and it’s all about how I’m the victim of a hate crime. And yeah, that’s true. But there’s more to me than that. I don’t want two horrible nights to always define who I am.”
And to that effect, Mr. Anderson is on track to graduate in June and will attend Tisch School of the Arts at New York University this fall. “I want to be a performer,” he says. “Music is my passion. It kept me sane while I was recovering and it gives me an outlet when everything becomes too much. It’s how I remind myself that it gets better,” he adds with a wry smile.
Expect to hear the name Blaine Anderson again in a few short years; after all, he is not a victim, but a true survivor.
-----
The week after the article appeared was filled with more requests for interviews, though Blaine turned them all down, as well as more staring from his classmates as McKinley. He forced himself to shrug it off since he’d at least told his side of the story; he couldn’t do more than that. Meanwhile, the glee club continued to stay by his side between classes and at lunch. He met Sebastian for coffee after school a couple of days and talked with Kurt on the phone each night. Blaine wasn’t really sure what he’d been expecting in the wake of the interview, but it wasn’t the status quo.
Friday evening, Blaine was reading his Kindle in the living room when the doorbell rang. He frowned, not expecting Kurt for at least another half hour since he had Friday night dinner before coming over. His parents had gone out for a late dinner and Cooper had flown back to LA earlier in the week, unable to put off filming his next commercial any longer, though he promised to be back for Blaine’s graduation in a few weeks.
When Blaine opened the door, it took his brain a moment to register what he was seeing.
“Josh?” he nearly squeaked. The man on the front step was older, several inches taller, broader in the shoulders, thinner in the cheeks, and had slightly longer hair than Blaine remembered, but those kind green eyes were unmistakable.
“Hi Blaine,” he said with a hesitant smile. His voice was a bit deeper but still familiar. “I’m sorry to just drop by like this, but I, uh, saw the Times and…” He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly-a habit Blaine remembered from the few months they’d had together at Westerville High. “Can you say something?”
Blaine snapped out of his shocked staring and shook himself. “Sorry,” he apologized. He realized his pulse was racing. “I’m just really surprised to see you. Do you, uh, want to come in?”
Josh nodded gratefully. “Thanks,” he said, stepping inside.
Blaine shut the door and took a calming breath, willing his heartbeat to slow. He turned around and was half-surprised to see Josh standing in the foyer, glancing around with a sense of nostalgia. This wasn’t a dream after all.
“It hasn’t changed much,” Josh said softly.
Blaine swallowed. “No, not really. My mom likes the timeless look.” Timeless and like it had come out of a catalog, anyway.
Josh nodded and glanced back at Blaine. “Am I interrupting anything? I didn’t even think-”
Blaine shook his head quickly. “No, I was just reading.”
Josh looked relieved at that. “Good. Not that I interrupted your book,” he amended, eyes widening. “But that… Ah, shit.”
But Blaine laughed; this was still the same Josh he’d known and maybe had a bit of a crush on. He waved for the other boy to follow him and headed for the living room. They settled down on the couch, keeping space between them as they twisted in their seats to face each other.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Blaine said at last. “I thought I’d never see you again. After.”
Josh bit his lip. “I saw what happened.” Blaine’s stomach dropped. “I was home for Spring Break in March and saw the news.”
Blaine shut his eyes, collecting himself. He wondered, not for the first time, just how many people he’d known had heard. He opened his eyes again and nodded.
“I wanted to visit you before I left. At the hospital.”
Blaine frowned. “Why didn’t you?”
Josh sank back into the sofa cushion. “Because I’m a coward, I guess,” he said with a mirthless laugh. “When I first heard that Eric’s gang was involved, I was just… sick. Literally. Those memories came back and…” He shook his head, gaze going distant for a moment before he came back to himself. “It had been so long since we’d seen each other and I- I didn’t know if you’d even want to see me.”
Blaine’s eyes widened. “Of course I would.” He’d wondered about Josh so many times since that night and had hoped he was doing okay.
Josh gave him a sad smile. “You had a lot of people with you, anyway. I didn’t really fit into it- Your life. Not anymore.”
“Josh-”
“But that’s just an excuse,” Josh went on, ignoring Blaine’s interruption. “My parents were never supportive of my sexuality, you know.”
Blaine nodded, wondering where this was going. “I remember.”
They’d rarely spent time at Josh’s house because his parents would always throw Blaine dirty looks, like he was contaminating their house-and their son, even though Josh had come out before he’d even met Blaine.
“I was staying with them over break and when they heard, they were just… awful,” Josh said. “They said horrible things and I couldn’t bring myself to go to the hospital in case they found out.”
Blaine clenched his jaw. It wasn’t Josh’s fault that his parents probably thought Blaine had gotten what he deserved. He’d been the one to ask Josh to the Sadie Hawkins dance, so that had clearly been his fault too. He’d heard all of that and more over the years; it wasn’t new, but that didn’t stop it from stinging.
“All I could do,” Josh continued, “was call the cops with a tip about Eric and the dance.”
Blaine’s jaw dropped as that registered. “Wait, you sent in that anonymous tip?”
Josh nodded and Blaine really wanted to hug him for that, but he forced himself to sit still; they were practically strangers after four years, and Andersons were taught to behave properly (even if Cooper didn’t abide by the lessons).
“Thank you,” he whispered instead. “They arrested him before I woke up. My friend Sebastian identified him.”
“The one who was on the phone?”
Blaine supposed he shouldn’t be surprised when people knew details of the case anymore with the media coverage. “Yeah. I don’t really remember it, so probably couldn’t have identified him on my own.”
“You really don’t remember?”
Blaine shook his head. “Flashes here and there, but my last clear memory was from the day before.”
“Blaine, I’m so sorry.”
Blaine raised an eyebrow. “It’s not your fault.”
Josh swallowed and looked away. “It kind of is, though.”
Blaine’s brows furrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“I remember the night of the dance. I mean, I had a concussion and a broken wrist, but I remember them. I remember the sounds and-” He cut himself off sharply and Blaine felt his stomach churn. His memories of that night were hazy at best, but he remembered enough for nightmares.
“When the police asked for my statement that night,” Josh said after a moment, “my dad told me not to tell. He told me to say that I didn’t know who had done it.”
Blaine’s insides twisted. “No.”
Josh shut his eyes. “I was out of it from the concussion and I was only 15, Blaine,” he said, opening his eyes again in a plea for Blaine to understand. “So I did. I said I didn’t remember who had attacked us, and the police ended up with no suspects. Roy, Nick, and Eric got away with it because I didn’t say anything. And I was at a Catholic school in Columbus by the end of the week, away from it. And from you.”
Blaine felt nauseous at the revelation. “So when the lawyer said there wasn’t enough evidence…”
“It’s my fault.”
“Oh. God.” After all this time, it wasn’t actually a homophobic lawyer who kept anything from happening; Blaine wasn’t sure what to do with that information--it changed a lot.
“Blaine, I’m so sorry.”
Blaine looked back up at Josh, who had tears in his eyes, and blinked. He thought that Blaine-
“No, Josh. It’s not your fault,” he assured him. “That-” He stopped and took a shaky breath. “That’s on your father. I could never blame you for listening to him, especially on a night like that.”
It was Mr. Sanders’ fault those three men had still been on the streets of Westerville. He hadn’t wanted to be dragged into a legal-and possible media-battle that would publicly out his son. And in small-town Ohio, how likely was it that anyone in power would be sympathetic to two gay boys over three varsity football players? It could have become a circus that he’d likely wanted nothing to do with, especially when he had wanted a straight son in the first place.
Yes, Blaine understood that very well. But that wasn’t on Josh.
“I don’t blame you.” He reached out and took Josh’s hand-there were calluses he didn’t remember from when they were younger-and squeezed reassuringly. “I just missed my friend. So much.”
“Me too,” Josh said quietly. “When I saw that interview and what you said about the dance… Well, I came home as soon as I could. I had to see you, my parents be damned.”
Blaine swallowed, a thought occurring to him. Had it been Josh’s parents who hadn’t wanted them to stay in touch? He’d assumed it was probably some kind of agreement between both their parents, but who knew? Blaine’s own parents still weren’t completely comfortable with his sexuality, but they were trying, which was more than the Sanders family could say. They’d no doubt be horrified if they knew where their son was.
“I’m glad you did,” Blaine told him.
Josh gave him a watery smile and Blaine pulled him into a hug. He shut his eyes as he felt the other boy’s arms tighten around him and sank further into the embrace. Something clicked into place then, closing a wound he hadn’t realized was still gaping. When they pulled apart, Blaine had tears in his eyes as well.
“Well, aren’t we a pair?” Josh said, lifting an eyebrow.
Blaine let out a wet laugh. “We really are.” He wiped at his eyes then said, “So how long can you stay? We’ve got four years to catch up on.”
Blaine learned that Josh was a sophomore at Bowling Green and was majoring in political science. He didn’t come home often on his breaks, preferring to stay at school and work. He’d finished up high school at that Catholic school, still gay despite the nuns’ best efforts. He’d seen a few guys since starting college but there wasn’t anyone serious. Blaine, in turn, told him about Dalton and the Warblers, about transferring to McKinley and the New Directions. And about Kurt.
Blaine was describing the Secret Society of Superheroes, much to Josh’s amusement, when the doorbell rang. Blaine started and glanced down at his watch in surprise; they’d been talking for the last hour.
“I forgot Kurt was coming over,” Blaine said with an apologetic look at Josh. He’d been so shocked to see the other boy after all this time that all other thoughts had flown from his mind.
“I thought you said you didn’t have any plans,” Josh said with a wink.
Blaine rolled his eyes as he pushed himself to his feet and headed down the hall, Josh following. “It’s not like that. We broke up in October.”
“And he’s coming over on a Friday night as a friend…?” Josh teased with smirk.
Blaine blushed but didn’t rise to the bait. “He has an early flight out of Columbus. It made more sense for him to crash here tonight than drive all the way from Lima in the morning.”
Between them, Burt and Blaine had managed to convince Kurt to take summer classes at NYADA to start making up for the credit he’d lost during his leave of absence. Blaine was well on his way to recovery and would be in New York at the end of the summer anyway, and Burt’s health looked good according to his doctors. Kurt had finally given in and was heading back to for classes starting on Monday, though he was planning to come back for graduation.
Blaine opened the door to see Kurt, suitcase in hand, on the porch. Kurt smiled when he saw Blaine and opened his mouth to say something in greeting, but then his gaze slid over Blaine’s shoulder to Josh. He glanced back at Blaine then at Josh again and his expression shuttered.
“I didn’t realize you were having company tonight,” he said tightly.
Blaine frowned for a long moment before realizing what Kurt must be thinking. Blaine had said he didn’t want a relationship and then had another guy in his house…
“Kurt, it’s not what-”
“No Blaine, it’s fine. I can just stay in a hotel tonight.”
Blaine let out a frustrated huff as Kurt turned toward the steps. “Kurt, Josh is an old friend of mine from Westerville High.”
He could see the moment that Kurt made the connection, the tension leaving his shoulders as he whirled around, eyes wide. He looked between Blaine and Josh again before settling his gaze on Blaine.
“You mean he’s-”
Blaine nodded in confirmation. “Yeah.”
Kurt’s lips formed a silent O as Josh stepped forward and extended a hand. “Josh Sanders. It’s nice to meet you.”
Kurt blinked and took his hand. “Kurt Hummel.”
“Blaine’s told me a lot about you.”
“I wish I could say the same,” Kurt replied, slightly breathless from the surprise, as they released the handshake.
Though Kurt had tried to get him to open up about it, Blaine had never been able to tell him much about the night of Sadie Hawkins, partly because he didn’t remember a lot of it and partly because it was just too painful to dwell on; the latter was the reason he hadn’t said much more about Josh other than that he existed and that Blaine hadn’t seen him since the dance.
Josh didn’t seem offended, though. “To be fair, I heard it all in the last hour, but it was all good, I swear!” he said with an easy smile.
“I don’t feel at such a disadvantage then,” Kurt said, lips twitching.
Blaine shook his head with a smile of his own. “Come in, Kurt. You’re staying in Cooper’s room tonight.”
Kurt’s expression fell momentarily, but he recovered quickly. “Will I find any blackmail material on your brother?”
Blaine snorted and moved aside so Kurt could enter.
“I should probably go,” Josh said, glancing at his watch as Kurt put his suitcase down.
Blaine frowned; was Josh feeling uncomfortable with Blaine’s ex there? “You don’t have to.”
“He’s right. I’d love to hear stories about Blaine before Dalton,” Kurt added with a mischievous glint in his eye.
“It’s getting late and I should really go see my parents,” Josh said apologetically. “But text me? We should hang out again before I go back.”
“Are you sure?” Blaine asked, thinking of Josh’s parents.
“I think it’s time to stop being afraid of my parents,” Josh replied with a nod. “If they can’t accept me by now, then I don’t need them poisoning my life.”
“Josh-”
The other boy gave Blaine a gentle smile. “Seeing you… Well, it makes me want to be brave too, Blaine.”
Blaine’s eyes widened and he blushed as Josh pulled him into a quick hug. Then Josh was saying something to Kurt and walking out the door to his car. He waved once more before sliding in behind the wheel. Blaine waved back on autopilot, Josh’s words still echoing in his mind, and he shut the door as Josh pulled out of the driveway.
“Blaine?” Blaine snapped out of his reverie to see Kurt looking at him in concern. “Are you all right?”
“I- Yeah,” Blaine said, realizing in surprise that he actually meant it. “I think I am.”
tbc…
Previous chapter | Next chapter
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: R
Genre/pairing: Mentions of Kurt/Blaine and one-sided Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Kurt, OC
Word count: 3,865
Warnings: Homophobic language, mostly off-screen violence
Spoilers: Through 4x10
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary: When a hate crime leaves Blaine in the hospital and re-opens old hurts he'd thought buried, Kurt and Sebastian grudgingly work together to look after him, neither trusting the other not to hurt Blaine further.
Chapter 14
Not just a victim: Hate crime survivor Blaine Anderson speaks out for the first time
By Richard Davies
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Blaine Anderson looks like a regular, if well-dressed, high school student. The 18-year-old’s Brooks Brothers clothes and slicked back hair give him an old Hollywood style, and his easy smile adds to his charm. He also has a penchant for bowties and a coffee addiction.
A senior at William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio, he has an impressive resume, including student council president, lead soloist of the New Directions glee club, co-captain of the cheerleading squad, credits in school productions of “West Side Story” (Tony) and “Grease” (Teen Angel), and president of several other clubs. In his spare time, he also boxes and has begun composing his own music. And he does all of this while keeping up a valedictorian-esque GPA.
These are the things that Mr. Anderson wants to define him. But many people, from neighbors and classmates to the national media, only seem interested in his sexual orientation.
“I’ve been out since I was 13,” he says. “I came out the summer before my freshman year of high school, but I’d known for longer.”
But being an out teen in a conservative community isn’t easy, something Mr. Anderson knows better than most.
On the evening of March 18, 2013, Mr. Anderson was attacked outside a coffee shop in his hometown of Westerville, a suburb of Columbus. He was in a coma for three days, suffering from fractured ribs and fingers, a broken arm and torn ligaments in his knee. But it was the swelling in his brain that worried doctors most. After waking up despite an uncertain prognosis, Mr. Anderson spent two and a half weeks in the hospital and another month recovering at home before he was able to return to school.
“I don’t remember it,” Mr. Anderson says of the attack that garnered national attention. “I have a few bits and pieces, but I don’t know if they’re actual memories or just my subconscious trying to fill in what I was told happened.”
According to police records, the confrontation went something like this: Mr. Anderson departed the coffee ship around closing time. He dialed a friend’s phone on his way to his car. Three men - Roy Matthews, Nick Hewitt, and Eric Mitchell, all of Westerville - cornered him in the parking lot and assaulted him with a crowbar and baseball bat while hurling slurs about his orientation. Mr. Anderson’s friend, Sebastian Smythe, heard the attack over the phone and called 9-1-1.
“They told me that Sebastian saved my life by finding me when he did,” Mr. Anderson says, sounding tired but grateful. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.”
While tragic, Mr. Anderson’s case seemed destined to become just another statistic about hate crimes in America, but it captured the nation’s attention when it was revealed that he was a family friend of Congressman Burt Hummel, who is well-known for his pro-gay rights stance. Congressman Hummel has an out son, Kurt, who Mr. Anderson dated and remains friends with.
“Kurt met Blaine at a rough time in his life,” Congressman Hummel reflects. “He was being bullied in school and I’d just had a health scare. I was losing him, but then Blaine came along and made him smile again. He and Blaine became friends, and I started getting my kid back. When they started dating, Kurt was happier than I’d ever seen him, and Blaine became like another son.
“A big reason I ran for office was to make life easier for kids like Kurt and Blaine,” the Congressman adds. “They’re so young and have been through so much. I’ve never met braver people. They’re my heroes.”
Outside of political ramifications, the case is also notable because this was not Mr. Anderson’s first run-in with Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hewitt, and Mr. Mitchell.
“My freshman year, I attended Westerville High,” Mr. Anderson says. “There was a Sadie Hawkins dance and I asked a friend, the only other out guy in school. We had fun, but when we were waiting for his dad to pick us up, these three guys attacked us. I don’t remember much about that night either, but I spent a week in the hospital after.”
Mr. Anderson also never saw his friend again. “I was told not to get in touch with him,” he remembers, his voice taking on a slightly bitter tone. “I think that was the worst part, losing the connection to the only person I knew who understood what I was going through.
“My family is supportive,” he hastens to add, “but there are some things you can really only get if you’ve experienced it. Being on the other side of that much hate just for being who you are is one of them.” Especially, he adds, when you’re only 14 years old.
It was that hate that prompted Mr. Anderson to seek out a safe haven after his recovery. “I transferred to Dalton [Academy, a private all-boys school in Westerville] for their zero tolerance policy, but I had to repeat my freshman year because I’d missed so much school.”
Charges were never filed due to what the Andersons’ lawyer deemed insufficient proof. However, the statute of limitations on the alleged assault has not run out, and two officers in the Westerville Police Department, on the condition of anonymity, expressed a wish to charge the three men for both attacks.
Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hewitt, and Mr. Mitchell, however, have since pled guilty to felony assault for the March 2013 incident. They will each serve ten years in prison, accepting a reduced sentence in exchange for the prosecution dropping charges for the previous assault.
Fast forward four years and it’s déjà vu. “It’s terrifying,” Mr. Anderson tells me, his eyes going distant for a moment. “Knowing that people can hate you so much for something you can’t control.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to let fear control my life, but sometimes I wake up from a nightmare and it’s all there is. That’s going to be a part of me for the rest of my life.”
It is said that courage is not being unafraid, but acting in spite of that fear. And that definition seems to fit Blaine Anderson to a T. When asked why he decided to give this interview after turning down requests from numerous other outlets, he replies, “I don’t want to be a victim anymore. I hear my name on TV or see it in the newspaper and it’s all about how I’m the victim of a hate crime. And yeah, that’s true. But there’s more to me than that. I don’t want two horrible nights to always define who I am.”
And to that effect, Mr. Anderson is on track to graduate in June and will attend Tisch School of the Arts at New York University this fall. “I want to be a performer,” he says. “Music is my passion. It kept me sane while I was recovering and it gives me an outlet when everything becomes too much. It’s how I remind myself that it gets better,” he adds with a wry smile.
Expect to hear the name Blaine Anderson again in a few short years; after all, he is not a victim, but a true survivor.
-----
The week after the article appeared was filled with more requests for interviews, though Blaine turned them all down, as well as more staring from his classmates as McKinley. He forced himself to shrug it off since he’d at least told his side of the story; he couldn’t do more than that. Meanwhile, the glee club continued to stay by his side between classes and at lunch. He met Sebastian for coffee after school a couple of days and talked with Kurt on the phone each night. Blaine wasn’t really sure what he’d been expecting in the wake of the interview, but it wasn’t the status quo.
Friday evening, Blaine was reading his Kindle in the living room when the doorbell rang. He frowned, not expecting Kurt for at least another half hour since he had Friday night dinner before coming over. His parents had gone out for a late dinner and Cooper had flown back to LA earlier in the week, unable to put off filming his next commercial any longer, though he promised to be back for Blaine’s graduation in a few weeks.
When Blaine opened the door, it took his brain a moment to register what he was seeing.
“Josh?” he nearly squeaked. The man on the front step was older, several inches taller, broader in the shoulders, thinner in the cheeks, and had slightly longer hair than Blaine remembered, but those kind green eyes were unmistakable.
“Hi Blaine,” he said with a hesitant smile. His voice was a bit deeper but still familiar. “I’m sorry to just drop by like this, but I, uh, saw the Times and…” He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly-a habit Blaine remembered from the few months they’d had together at Westerville High. “Can you say something?”
Blaine snapped out of his shocked staring and shook himself. “Sorry,” he apologized. He realized his pulse was racing. “I’m just really surprised to see you. Do you, uh, want to come in?”
Josh nodded gratefully. “Thanks,” he said, stepping inside.
Blaine shut the door and took a calming breath, willing his heartbeat to slow. He turned around and was half-surprised to see Josh standing in the foyer, glancing around with a sense of nostalgia. This wasn’t a dream after all.
“It hasn’t changed much,” Josh said softly.
Blaine swallowed. “No, not really. My mom likes the timeless look.” Timeless and like it had come out of a catalog, anyway.
Josh nodded and glanced back at Blaine. “Am I interrupting anything? I didn’t even think-”
Blaine shook his head quickly. “No, I was just reading.”
Josh looked relieved at that. “Good. Not that I interrupted your book,” he amended, eyes widening. “But that… Ah, shit.”
But Blaine laughed; this was still the same Josh he’d known and maybe had a bit of a crush on. He waved for the other boy to follow him and headed for the living room. They settled down on the couch, keeping space between them as they twisted in their seats to face each other.
“I don’t even know what to say,” Blaine said at last. “I thought I’d never see you again. After.”
Josh bit his lip. “I saw what happened.” Blaine’s stomach dropped. “I was home for Spring Break in March and saw the news.”
Blaine shut his eyes, collecting himself. He wondered, not for the first time, just how many people he’d known had heard. He opened his eyes again and nodded.
“I wanted to visit you before I left. At the hospital.”
Blaine frowned. “Why didn’t you?”
Josh sank back into the sofa cushion. “Because I’m a coward, I guess,” he said with a mirthless laugh. “When I first heard that Eric’s gang was involved, I was just… sick. Literally. Those memories came back and…” He shook his head, gaze going distant for a moment before he came back to himself. “It had been so long since we’d seen each other and I- I didn’t know if you’d even want to see me.”
Blaine’s eyes widened. “Of course I would.” He’d wondered about Josh so many times since that night and had hoped he was doing okay.
Josh gave him a sad smile. “You had a lot of people with you, anyway. I didn’t really fit into it- Your life. Not anymore.”
“Josh-”
“But that’s just an excuse,” Josh went on, ignoring Blaine’s interruption. “My parents were never supportive of my sexuality, you know.”
Blaine nodded, wondering where this was going. “I remember.”
They’d rarely spent time at Josh’s house because his parents would always throw Blaine dirty looks, like he was contaminating their house-and their son, even though Josh had come out before he’d even met Blaine.
“I was staying with them over break and when they heard, they were just… awful,” Josh said. “They said horrible things and I couldn’t bring myself to go to the hospital in case they found out.”
Blaine clenched his jaw. It wasn’t Josh’s fault that his parents probably thought Blaine had gotten what he deserved. He’d been the one to ask Josh to the Sadie Hawkins dance, so that had clearly been his fault too. He’d heard all of that and more over the years; it wasn’t new, but that didn’t stop it from stinging.
“All I could do,” Josh continued, “was call the cops with a tip about Eric and the dance.”
Blaine’s jaw dropped as that registered. “Wait, you sent in that anonymous tip?”
Josh nodded and Blaine really wanted to hug him for that, but he forced himself to sit still; they were practically strangers after four years, and Andersons were taught to behave properly (even if Cooper didn’t abide by the lessons).
“Thank you,” he whispered instead. “They arrested him before I woke up. My friend Sebastian identified him.”
“The one who was on the phone?”
Blaine supposed he shouldn’t be surprised when people knew details of the case anymore with the media coverage. “Yeah. I don’t really remember it, so probably couldn’t have identified him on my own.”
“You really don’t remember?”
Blaine shook his head. “Flashes here and there, but my last clear memory was from the day before.”
“Blaine, I’m so sorry.”
Blaine raised an eyebrow. “It’s not your fault.”
Josh swallowed and looked away. “It kind of is, though.”
Blaine’s brows furrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“I remember the night of the dance. I mean, I had a concussion and a broken wrist, but I remember them. I remember the sounds and-” He cut himself off sharply and Blaine felt his stomach churn. His memories of that night were hazy at best, but he remembered enough for nightmares.
“When the police asked for my statement that night,” Josh said after a moment, “my dad told me not to tell. He told me to say that I didn’t know who had done it.”
Blaine’s insides twisted. “No.”
Josh shut his eyes. “I was out of it from the concussion and I was only 15, Blaine,” he said, opening his eyes again in a plea for Blaine to understand. “So I did. I said I didn’t remember who had attacked us, and the police ended up with no suspects. Roy, Nick, and Eric got away with it because I didn’t say anything. And I was at a Catholic school in Columbus by the end of the week, away from it. And from you.”
Blaine felt nauseous at the revelation. “So when the lawyer said there wasn’t enough evidence…”
“It’s my fault.”
“Oh. God.” After all this time, it wasn’t actually a homophobic lawyer who kept anything from happening; Blaine wasn’t sure what to do with that information--it changed a lot.
“Blaine, I’m so sorry.”
Blaine looked back up at Josh, who had tears in his eyes, and blinked. He thought that Blaine-
“No, Josh. It’s not your fault,” he assured him. “That-” He stopped and took a shaky breath. “That’s on your father. I could never blame you for listening to him, especially on a night like that.”
It was Mr. Sanders’ fault those three men had still been on the streets of Westerville. He hadn’t wanted to be dragged into a legal-and possible media-battle that would publicly out his son. And in small-town Ohio, how likely was it that anyone in power would be sympathetic to two gay boys over three varsity football players? It could have become a circus that he’d likely wanted nothing to do with, especially when he had wanted a straight son in the first place.
Yes, Blaine understood that very well. But that wasn’t on Josh.
“I don’t blame you.” He reached out and took Josh’s hand-there were calluses he didn’t remember from when they were younger-and squeezed reassuringly. “I just missed my friend. So much.”
“Me too,” Josh said quietly. “When I saw that interview and what you said about the dance… Well, I came home as soon as I could. I had to see you, my parents be damned.”
Blaine swallowed, a thought occurring to him. Had it been Josh’s parents who hadn’t wanted them to stay in touch? He’d assumed it was probably some kind of agreement between both their parents, but who knew? Blaine’s own parents still weren’t completely comfortable with his sexuality, but they were trying, which was more than the Sanders family could say. They’d no doubt be horrified if they knew where their son was.
“I’m glad you did,” Blaine told him.
Josh gave him a watery smile and Blaine pulled him into a hug. He shut his eyes as he felt the other boy’s arms tighten around him and sank further into the embrace. Something clicked into place then, closing a wound he hadn’t realized was still gaping. When they pulled apart, Blaine had tears in his eyes as well.
“Well, aren’t we a pair?” Josh said, lifting an eyebrow.
Blaine let out a wet laugh. “We really are.” He wiped at his eyes then said, “So how long can you stay? We’ve got four years to catch up on.”
Blaine learned that Josh was a sophomore at Bowling Green and was majoring in political science. He didn’t come home often on his breaks, preferring to stay at school and work. He’d finished up high school at that Catholic school, still gay despite the nuns’ best efforts. He’d seen a few guys since starting college but there wasn’t anyone serious. Blaine, in turn, told him about Dalton and the Warblers, about transferring to McKinley and the New Directions. And about Kurt.
Blaine was describing the Secret Society of Superheroes, much to Josh’s amusement, when the doorbell rang. Blaine started and glanced down at his watch in surprise; they’d been talking for the last hour.
“I forgot Kurt was coming over,” Blaine said with an apologetic look at Josh. He’d been so shocked to see the other boy after all this time that all other thoughts had flown from his mind.
“I thought you said you didn’t have any plans,” Josh said with a wink.
Blaine rolled his eyes as he pushed himself to his feet and headed down the hall, Josh following. “It’s not like that. We broke up in October.”
“And he’s coming over on a Friday night as a friend…?” Josh teased with smirk.
Blaine blushed but didn’t rise to the bait. “He has an early flight out of Columbus. It made more sense for him to crash here tonight than drive all the way from Lima in the morning.”
Between them, Burt and Blaine had managed to convince Kurt to take summer classes at NYADA to start making up for the credit he’d lost during his leave of absence. Blaine was well on his way to recovery and would be in New York at the end of the summer anyway, and Burt’s health looked good according to his doctors. Kurt had finally given in and was heading back to for classes starting on Monday, though he was planning to come back for graduation.
Blaine opened the door to see Kurt, suitcase in hand, on the porch. Kurt smiled when he saw Blaine and opened his mouth to say something in greeting, but then his gaze slid over Blaine’s shoulder to Josh. He glanced back at Blaine then at Josh again and his expression shuttered.
“I didn’t realize you were having company tonight,” he said tightly.
Blaine frowned for a long moment before realizing what Kurt must be thinking. Blaine had said he didn’t want a relationship and then had another guy in his house…
“Kurt, it’s not what-”
“No Blaine, it’s fine. I can just stay in a hotel tonight.”
Blaine let out a frustrated huff as Kurt turned toward the steps. “Kurt, Josh is an old friend of mine from Westerville High.”
He could see the moment that Kurt made the connection, the tension leaving his shoulders as he whirled around, eyes wide. He looked between Blaine and Josh again before settling his gaze on Blaine.
“You mean he’s-”
Blaine nodded in confirmation. “Yeah.”
Kurt’s lips formed a silent O as Josh stepped forward and extended a hand. “Josh Sanders. It’s nice to meet you.”
Kurt blinked and took his hand. “Kurt Hummel.”
“Blaine’s told me a lot about you.”
“I wish I could say the same,” Kurt replied, slightly breathless from the surprise, as they released the handshake.
Though Kurt had tried to get him to open up about it, Blaine had never been able to tell him much about the night of Sadie Hawkins, partly because he didn’t remember a lot of it and partly because it was just too painful to dwell on; the latter was the reason he hadn’t said much more about Josh other than that he existed and that Blaine hadn’t seen him since the dance.
Josh didn’t seem offended, though. “To be fair, I heard it all in the last hour, but it was all good, I swear!” he said with an easy smile.
“I don’t feel at such a disadvantage then,” Kurt said, lips twitching.
Blaine shook his head with a smile of his own. “Come in, Kurt. You’re staying in Cooper’s room tonight.”
Kurt’s expression fell momentarily, but he recovered quickly. “Will I find any blackmail material on your brother?”
Blaine snorted and moved aside so Kurt could enter.
“I should probably go,” Josh said, glancing at his watch as Kurt put his suitcase down.
Blaine frowned; was Josh feeling uncomfortable with Blaine’s ex there? “You don’t have to.”
“He’s right. I’d love to hear stories about Blaine before Dalton,” Kurt added with a mischievous glint in his eye.
“It’s getting late and I should really go see my parents,” Josh said apologetically. “But text me? We should hang out again before I go back.”
“Are you sure?” Blaine asked, thinking of Josh’s parents.
“I think it’s time to stop being afraid of my parents,” Josh replied with a nod. “If they can’t accept me by now, then I don’t need them poisoning my life.”
“Josh-”
The other boy gave Blaine a gentle smile. “Seeing you… Well, it makes me want to be brave too, Blaine.”
Blaine’s eyes widened and he blushed as Josh pulled him into a quick hug. Then Josh was saying something to Kurt and walking out the door to his car. He waved once more before sliding in behind the wheel. Blaine waved back on autopilot, Josh’s words still echoing in his mind, and he shut the door as Josh pulled out of the driveway.
“Blaine?” Blaine snapped out of his reverie to see Kurt looking at him in concern. “Are you all right?”
“I- Yeah,” Blaine said, realizing in surprise that he actually meant it. “I think I am.”
tbc…
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