Fic: A Heavy Heart to Carry 3/16 [Glee]
Title: A Heavy Heart to Carry
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: R
Genre/pairing: Mentions of Kurt/Blaine and one-sided Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Kurt, Sebastian, Burt
Word count 4,710
Warnings: Homophobic language, mostly off-screen violence
Spoilers: Through 4x10, reference to spoiler character
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary When a hate crime leaves Blaine in the hospital and re-opens old hurts he'd thought buried, Kurt and Sebastian grudgingly work together to look after him, neither trusting the other not to hurt Blaine further.
Author’s Note: Happy New Year! I tried to research this chapter as well as I could in regards to all the medical goings on, but if anything strikes you as off, chalk it up to creative license.
Chapter 3
It didn’t take long for Kurt to spot Sebastian in the ER waiting room. The other boy was sitting in one of the plastic chairs, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and staring uncomprehendingly at a clipboard in his hands. Kurt bit his lip and strode over.
“How is he?” Kurt demanded, crossing his arms. “What the hell happened?”
Sebastian hadn’t said much else on the phone, just repeating that Kurt needed to come back to Westerville when Kurt had asked what had happened and then hanging up. Kurt had driven back to Westerville as quickly as he could, pushing the limits of every posted traffic law. His thoughts raced with scenarios of what could have happened to Blaine in the hour since they’d seen each other, each worse than the last. He needed someone to put his imagination out of its misery.
Sebastian didn’t look up from the clipboard. “They gave me this clipboard to fill out with Blaine’s information, but I realized I don’t know any of it. We’ve been friends for months and I don’t…” He trailed off then shook his head, seeming to snap out of whatever daze he was in, and looked up at Kurt. He looked pale and shaky, which did nothing to soothe Kurt’s nerves.
“He’s, uh, he’s in surgery. They’re not really telling me anything else because I’m not family.”
Kurt rubbed a hand over his face and collapsed into the chair next to Sebastian. “His parents are out of the country right now and Cooper’s in California.”
“Oh.”
Kurt nodded, and for a moment they sat in silence, the sounds of the ER washing over them. It wasn’t particularly busy, but there was still a bustle going on around them. The sounds were familiar after all the time Kurt had spent in hospitals, but Kurt couldn’t take any comfort from the familiarity; he hated hospitals. Needing a distraction but not quite willing to engage Sebastian in conversation yet despite his need to know what was going on, Kurt plucked the clipboard from the other boy’s hands. Sebastian blinked at him and Kurt shrugged.
“I know most of his information. I filled the paperwork out for him last time.”
A guilty look crossed Sebastian’s face at that and a wave of satisfaction washed over Kurt as he uncapped the pen. You should feel bad. He had to have surgery because of you, he thought viciously as he started filling in the required information. It didn’t help Kurt’s hard feelings over the whole thing that the slushie had been aimed at him in the first place; without Blaine’s white knight complex, Kurt could’ve been in his place.
Once Kurt finished filling out the paperwork, he rose and walked over to the reception desk to hand it over. “For Blaine Anderson,” he said and the receptionist nodded absently as she took the forms.
“Look,” he said after a moment as she started typing information into the computer, “Blaine’s parents aren’t even in the country right now and his brother lives across the country. My friend,” he said, his mouth twisting over the word, with a nod back toward Sebastian, “and I are the only people here with him. Is there any way we can find out how he’s doing?”
The receptionist looked up at him, a sympathetic look on her face. “Sorry, hon. We can only give that information to family. But if he’s admitted, you can come see him during visiting hours.”
Kurt’s stomach clenched painfully at that. He needed to know what was going on with Blaine. He’d wrangle whatever he could out of Sebastian eventually, but right now he needed to know if Blaine was all right. “But-”
“Federal regulations,” the receptionist interrupted, not unkindly. Kurt wanted to pull his hair out-or maybe the receptionist’s-but realistically he knew that it wasn’t her fault. She was just doing her job. But that didn’t ease the frustration.
After a moment, the receptionist typed something into the computer and frowned thoughtfully. “Though I do see there’s a Burt Hummel listed as an emergency contact.”
Kurt’s eyes widened. “That’s my father! I’m Kurt Hummel.”
The receptionist gave him a smile. “I’ll tell you what, Kurt. If you can get your father down here, we’ll be able to relay information about Blaine’s condition to him. Without immediate family, that’s the best we can do. If I were you, I would try to get in touch with his brother, though.”
Kurt nodded. “I will,” he agreed, though he didn’t plan to call Cooper until he had more information besides Blaine’s in the hospital again. “Thank you.”
He walked back over to Sebastian, who was watching him curiously.
“What happened?” he asked.
“My dad is listed as one of Blaine’s emergency contacts,” Kurt replied, pulling his phone from his pocket. “They said that they could give him information about Blaine, so I’m about to call him.”
Sebastian nodded but Kurt was already walking out the door and dialing his father’s number.
“Kurt?” his father answered on the second ring as Kurt stopped about ten feet from the ER doors. “Where are you, bud? It’s starting to get late.” He laughed at himself a bit. “Though I guess you’re getting a bit old for a curfew now.”
Kurt swallowed, suddenly finding it hard to speak. “I’m, uh, I’m at the hospital. In Westerville.”
His father inhaled sharply. “Are you okay?” he asked immediately. “What happened?”
“I’m fine,” Kurt replied quickly. He didn’t want to stress his father out any more than he had to with this. He knew the treatments were going well, but added stress would definitely not help. “It’s Blaine.”
Burt cursed. “What happened?”
“I… I don’t know. They won’t tell us anything because we’re not family.”
“Us?”
Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose. “Me and Sebastian.”
“That kid from the Warblers you don’t like? The one who hurt Blaine last time?” Burt demanded, voice getting sharper as he recognized the name.
“That’s him.”
“Why is he there?” Burt actually sounded angry at that.
Kurt couldn’t help a small smile at his father’s protectiveness; he knew his father and Blaine had a good relationship-Kurt had always loved it since they were the two most important people in his life, not to mention that Blaine didn’t get along very well with his own father.
Kurt shrugged, though he knew his father couldn’t see him. “I don’t know the full story, but he didn’t do anything this time, Dad,” he said quickly. He might not particularly like Sebastian, but the other boy had stood between Blaine and his bullies earlier that afternoon; as much as it pained him to admit, Sebastian deserved a modicum of credit for that.
Kurt’s stomach dropped as a thought occurred to him. Oh god. Did those guys come back after we left the movie? They put him in the hospital for a week the last time…
But his father speaking pulled him from his thoughts. “Where are his parents? Or that brother of his?”
Kurt clenched his jaw thinking about the oft-absent Andersons. “His parents are on some kind of cruise and won’t be back for a couple of weeks. Cooper’s in L.A. Even if we can get in touch with him, there’s no telling when he’d actually get here.”
Burt huffed irritably. “So what now?”
“Blaine has you listed as an emergency contact.” Kurt took a steadying breath. “They said they could give you information about him.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Dad, are you sure?” Kurt asked, biting his lip. Yes, he wanted his father to come more than anything so they could finally get some answers about Blaine-and some fatherly support never hurt-but at the same time, he was also sick and Westerville was a long drive from Lima. And it was getting late. Kurt didn’t want him to push himself too hard while he was still getting treatments.
“Kurt,” Burt said simply in a tone that brooked no argument.
Kurt let out a relieved breath, feeling tight muscles loosen at the single word. “Thank you.”
“You call me if anything changes,” Burt said, and Kurt could hear the jingle of keys and the rustle of the coat closet in the background. “And try to get in touch with Cooper while you’re at it.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Kurt.”
“I love you, too, Dad.”
Kurt hung up the call and shut his eyes a moment, just breathing the cool night air. And then he opened his eyes, squared his shoulders, and walked back into the Emergency Room. He found Sebastian mostly in the same position he’d left him. He took a moment to study the other boy without his knowledge; Sebastian was wearing jeans, a hoodie, and sneakers, which were a far cry from the Dalton blazer and tie he’d been wearing a few hours earlier. His hair was mussed and, Kurt noticed for the first time, longer than it had been the previous spring. His usual upright posture was slouched, and he looked exhausted.
When Kurt sat down next to him, he started in surprise but masked the reaction quickly when he saw who was next to him.
“What happened?”
“My dad’s on his way.”
Sebastian nodded and fell silent again. There was something far away in his eyes that Kurt didn’t like the look of.
“So what happened?” Kurt asked, voice a lot calmer than he felt, knowing Blaine was somewhere in the hospital undergoing surgery for unknown injuries. “Why are you here?”
Sebastian gave him a Look at the accusation in his voice, but Kurt didn’t back down, arching a challenging eyebrow in return. Kurt could do this, could face Sebastian; it was a lot easier than letting the implications of where he was really hit him. They looked at each other a long moment before Sebastian sighed and looked away.
“I heard it.” His voice was quiet and pained.
“Heard what?”
“The attack.”
Kurt felt the air leave his lungs in a rush. “Attack?” he managed to repeat in horror.
Sebastian nodded tightly. “Blaine, uh. He called me.”
Kurt let that sink in a moment. Blaine must’ve called once they’d parted ways after the movie.
“I can’t do this right now, Kurt.”
“I… I need to process. A lot of stuff’s been dredged up tonight. But I’ll text you tomorrow.”
Apparently, Kurt thought with a bitterness that startled him, Blaine thought Sebastian, of all people, could help him process. Not Kurt, who he’d once felt like he could tell anything, but Sebastian, the guy who’d tried to break them up and had nearly blinded him.
For a brief moment, Kurt wondered if he’d stumbled into an alternate reality, but then again… This was the same reality in which Blaine had cheated on him-but not with Sebastian-so what did Kurt know?
“But when I answered,” Sebastian was saying as Kurt was pulled from his reverie, “I could hear these other guys on the line.” He shook his head. “Well, other guys and Blaine. I think he’d dropped his phone so I was just listening in.”
“Were they the same guys?” Kurt asked, clenching his jaw nervously. “As earlier?”
Sebastian nodded and described the hateful slurs being thrown at Blaine. Kurt shut his eyes and felt himself shaking in anger as the other boy spoke. When Sebastian said that Blaine managed to communicate that he was at Starbucks, Kurt’s eyes flew open and his breath caught in his throat.
He never even left the mall, he realized in horror. I never should’ve left him. I should’ve waited for him to get his coffee and walked to the car with him. I should’ve made sure he got home okay even though he said he was fine. I should’ve…
Kurt’s should haves were cut off as Sebastian continued speaking, recounting hearing Blaine’s cries of pain as he drove toward the mall. Feeling nauseous, Kurt glanced over at Sebastian and realized he looked as sick as Kurt felt.
Kurt could remember the sound of Blaine’s screams in that parking garage after he’d been hit by the slushie; they’d haunted him for months after the incident. But the way Sebastian described these cries, high-pitched, almost animalistic, and begging, Kurt couldn’t even imagine…
Kurt realized after a moment that Sebastian had gone quiet. He was looking down at his hands, which were shaking in his lap.
“What happened then?” Kurt asked when it became obvious Sebastian was lost in his thoughts again.
Sebastian jerked in surprise but looked back up at Kurt quickly. “When the call cut out, I called 9-1-1 on the way over. But when I got to Starbucks…”
Sebastian shuddered and Kurt felt dread rising in his gut. Sebastian, who never seemed phased by anything because he’d seen it all, was at a loss for words.
“There was so much blood,” he whispered hollowly and Kurt went cold.
“Sebastian-”
But Sebastian shook his head and Kurt fell silent. Oh god, Blaine echoed through his head like a mantra, the world falling away from around him as his imagination ran wild once more, one horrible scenario replacing another as he sat in the hard, plastic chair in the waiting room.
After a time, Sebastian spoke again, startling Kurt from his macabre musings. “An ambulance and the cops arrived not long after I did,” he said quietly. “They brought Blaine to the hospital and I ended up having to explain to the cops what I knew before they’d let me come here.” He shook his head. “But then they wouldn’t tell me anything about Blaine and I…” He trailed off miserably and Kurt just nodded.
There really wasn’t anything else to say after that.
-----
Kurt must’ve dozed off at some point because he was suddenly being shaken awake, a large hand gripping his shoulder.
“Kurt. Hey, buddy, wake up,” a familiar voice said.
Kurt blinked against the bright hospital lights when he opened his eyes, but after a moment, his dad’s face came into view.
“Dad!”
Burt’s face cracked into a weak smile. “Hey, kiddo.”
“You made it,” he nearly cried in relief. Because no matter how much of an adult he was trying to play with his life in New York, there were just some things a parent was needed for. This definitely qualified.
“Of course.” He frowned a moment. “Where’s Sebastian?”
Kurt blinked and glanced at the seat next to him, but it was empty. Kurt frowned and glanced around the waiting room until he saw Sebastian walking back toward them with a cup of coffee in his hand. Burt followed his gaze, picking him out immediately. Sebastian stopped a few feet away when he realized they were staring at him.
“You must be Mr. Hummel,” Sebastian said, voice more under control than it had been earlier. He still looked like shit, though, Kurt decided.
“I am,” Burt agreed. “Sebastian, I take it?”
Sebastian nodded, sparing a curious glance at Kurt before turning back to the older man. “Yes sir.”
Burt studied Sebastian long enough that the other boy looked as though he wanted to fidget-much to Kurt’s immense satisfaction-but finally Burt nodded after coming to some kind of conclusion and turned back to Kurt. “I’ll go see what I can find out about Blaine and come back.”
Kurt nodded. “Thank you.”
As Burt headed over to the reception desk, Sebastian flopped down in his seat and took a long gulp of coffee. He grimaced. “Tastes like shit,” he muttered but took another drink anyway. “So that’s the famous Burt Hummel, huh?” he said, watching Burt talk to the receptionist.
The receptionist glanced over Kurt’s way at one point and gave him a reassuring smile and he felt something loosen in his chest. They were finally going to get some answers. But then Sebastian’s words registered.
“Famous?” he repeated in confusion.
Sebastian inclined his head. “Blaine talks about him a lot.”
Something throbbed in Kurt’s chest at that-though he wasn’t sure if it more had to do with Blaine talking to Sebastian or Blaine talking to Sebastian about Kurt’s father-but shoved the ugly feeling aside. This was not the time for any of that, not when Blaine was somewhere in the hospital hurt.
“Does he?” he asked in what he hoped was a neutral voice instead.
Sebastian nodded thoughtfully. “Just about what a great guy he is and how he’s like the father Blaine never had.”
Oh. The ugly feeling subsided as Kurt realized that Blaine had been bragging about Kurt’s father to Sebastian. Even after the breakup, Blaine still loved Burt. And, looking over at Burt at the receptionist desk, intently talking to whoever was behind it, Kurt knew that Burt loved Blaine as well.
Intellectually he’d known all along, but especially after Christmas, that Burt and Blaine had a close relationship-much closer than usual for the situation-but somehow seeing and hearing these things was hammering it in all over, making him understand in the concrete rather than the abstract. It was a bit heady, but in a good way.
Sebastian snorted, though the sound was a bit tired. “It reminded me a bit of how the Warblers talked about Blaine last year; I never thought the real Blaine would live up to all the praise, but he somehow surpassed it.”
“And my dad surpassed the hype?” Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I can see what Blaine sees in him,” Sebastian replied, and Kurt figured that was about as high of praise as he was going to hear about his blue collar father from Sebastian.
After a few more moments of Burt conversing with the receptionist at the front desk, a nurse came out of the back and approached Burt. Burt glanced back at Kurt and Sebastian before following the nurse down the hallway and out of sight. Kurt felt his insides tightening in nervousness. He felt Sebastian straighten next to him.
And they waited.
-----
Kurt thought it might’ve been the longest five minutes of his life-feeling more like five years-as they waited for his dad to come back with news about Blaine.
Please be okay.
Kurt didn’t believe in God, didn’t feel the need to pray to a higher power for Blaine’s recovery because he didn’t see the point, but he believed in people-and he especially believed in Blaine. So he sent a prayer to Blaine, pleading with him to fight (Blaine pounding away at the punching bag in the gym, his strikes making the very air hum with an aura of power and strength, unaware of Kurt watching him in awe in the doorway) and to stay with them. He had so much he still needed to tell him, so much he hadn’t been able to say tonight and that he would regret for the rest of his life if he didn’t get to say.
But finally, Burt emerged from the hallway, looking slightly pale but determined. That had to be good, right?
Both he and Sebastian rose as Burt approached them, and Kurt held his breath. Finally, Burt stopped in front of them and looked between them for a moment before speaking.
“Blaine’s out of surgery. They’ve admitted him to the ICU.”
Kurt’s breath left him in a relieved rush. “He’s okay?” Alive.
Burt pressed his lips together into a thin line and Kurt felt his nerves ratchet up again. “He’s not conscious,” he said slowly, eyeing both Kurt and Sebastian carefully. “There’s a real long list of injuries, guys. Broken arm. Few broken ribs. Torn ligaments in his knee.”
Kurt’s eyes widened as his father listed the injuries and he felt more than saw Sebastian stiffening next to him. But Sebastian had seen Blaine before-he knew, or at least had some idea of how bad it would be. Kurt wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse than what he was feeling right now.
“But,” Burt continued, “they’re most worried about the swelling in his brain.” Kurt’s hand flew to his mouth as his dad continued speaking. “They’re monitoring it, but the longer he stays unconscious, the worse his chances are.”
It felt as though all the air had been sucked from the room. With a few simple words, Kurt’s world was falling apart around him. Again. The worse his chances are… Blaine could still… not make it.
His mother. His father. His father again. And now Blaine. It was as though he was cursed, those who loved him damned to suffer, and Kurt couldn’t do anything about it but wait and watch and hope. This kind of helplessness was the worst feeling in the world.
“They’re hopeful,” Burt added quickly, pulling Kurt’s attention back to the present. “They got him into surgery quickly, which is good.”
Kurt glanced at Sebastian-it was because of Sebastian that they’d found Blaine quickly and had been able to treat him. The other boy’s expression was stony, but Kurt noticed the tension in his shoulders and the way his hands were balling into fists and releasing them over and over as he listened.
“For now,” Burt said heavily, “all we can do is wait.”
Kurt nodded dumbly, brain still trying to come to terms with everything his father had said. “Can we see him?” he finally managed to ask.
Burt glanced between them a long moment before nodding. “Two visitors at a time in the ICU. I can take one of you up at a time.”
Kurt insisted Sebastian go first since he needed to get back to Dalton, and the other boy agreed without a fight. Burt fixed him with a worried look, but finally relented when Kurt returned the look evenly. Once his father and Sebastian had disappeared down the hallway, Kurt sank back into his seat and dropped his face into his hands.
Letting Sebastian see Blaine first was also selfish; Kurt just wasn’t sure he was ready yet. He was still trying to process how he could go from spending an evening with Blaine eating dinner, getting coffee, and seeing a movie (so much like Before yet so, so different) to sitting in a hospital while Blaine fought for his life.
He remembered with startling clarity the last time Blaine was in the hospital after the slushie the previous year. New Directions had taken him to the ER and hadn’t been told anything then either, but stubbornly they’d waited. Kurt had only been able to think about the feel of Blaine’s strong hands pushing him out of harm’s way and his boyfriend’s subsequent screams. He thought about the feel of Blaine writhing in pain under his hands and the sound of his whimpers and cries.
When Blaine’s mother had arrived, it had been in a whirlwind, and Kurt thought he’d heard her muttering, “Not again. He was supposed to be safe this time” as she’d been taken back to see her son.
Kurt had called his father at some point and eventually the other members of New Directions had been told to go home with a promise of an update in the morning.
Blaine’s mother had eventually given Kurt permission to come back to see Blaine. His boyfriend had been mostly out of it at that point, doped up on painkillers and with a bandage wrapped around his eye. The sight had nearly made Kurt break down, but at a warning look from Mrs. Anderson, Kurt had instead sat down at Blaine’s side. His hand had found Blaine’s and he’d stroked his knuckles gently with this thumb just to let Blaine know that he was there. Blaine had turned his head toward Kurt at the touch and a weak smile had lifted the corners of his lips, but he’d looked so tired that Kurt couldn’t bring himself to disturb him further.
Words like scratched cornea and surgery were thrown around, but all Kurt had been able to do was be there for Blaine, rubbing circles into the back of his hand while Blaine breathed through the haze of painkillers. When Blaine had been discharged a few hours later, Kurt had helped him to his car and promised to come see him first thing in the morning.
He hadn’t slept well that night.
Now Kurt idly wondered now if sleep would ever come again after this.
He had no idea how long he sat alone in the waiting room lost in his thoughts, but he looked up when he heard his father’s voice speaking softly. Burt surprisingly had an arm around Sebastian’s shoulders as they emerged from the hallway. Sebastian looked even paler than he had when Kurt had first arrived at the ER, and the way he wouldn’t quite meet Kurt’s eyes had Kurt’s heart beating rapidly in his chest.
“I should get back to Dalton,” he said finally.
“Yeah.”
“What should I tell the Warblers?” he asked, glancing between Kurt and his father.
Burt raised an eyebrow at Kurt, leaving the decision in his hands. Kurt bit his lip, tempted to tell Sebastian not to tell them anything out of spite considering the way they’d treated Blaine the previous year. But Blaine had been mending fences with them, and Kurt supposed it wasn’t his place to ruin that.
“Tell them the truth,” he said finally. Sebastian raised an eyebrow but Kurt shrugged. “He’s their friend. They deserve to know. Just… tell them to hold off on visiting.”
Sebastian nodded, as though that much was obvious, and after some stilted goodbyes, he was gone.
Kurt turned to his father and Burt looked down at him. “Are you ready?”
Kurt swallowed. “No. But I need to be there.”
Burt nodded and wrapped an arm around Kurt’s shoulders, much like he’d been supporting Sebastian a few minutes before, and they headed down the hallway. The receptionist gave Kurt a supportive smile as they passed, but Kurt felt too nervous to return it.
Kurt mostly zoned out as they walked through the hallways, letting his father take the lead. At one point, Kurt was told to turn his phone off and at another to wash his hands, both of which he did without comment. And then suddenly he was standing in front of Blaine’s room. Burt squeezed his shoulder and led him inside.
Kurt followed but stopped short in the doorway at the sight that greeted him. There were so many machines and wires surrounding the bed…
But Kurt forced himself to focus on the figure in the bed and his breath caught in his throat. Blaine had always been small, though his energy had always made him seem so much bigger than his compact size, but lying in the bed with various machines connected to him, he looked tiny.
Kurt felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes as Burt beckoned him closer to the bed. Kurt carefully avoided the machines and wires as he made his way to Blaine’s side.
Blaine was sitting upright in the bed, but his eyes were closed. Bruises were forming on his pale cheek. There was a bandage wrapped around his head, and there was a wire connected to…
Oh god, that wire went into Blaine’s skull. Kurt let out a hitched breath and Burt squeezed his shoulder.
“The nurse said that’s so they can monitor the swelling,” he said softly and proceeded to point out the other machines and wires that Blaine was attached to: the EKG to monitor his heart, the ventilator that was helping him breathe and create enough oxygen flow to his brain, the IV, the catheter…
As Burt spoke, Kurt’s gaze roved over Blaine’s prone form. His right arm was in a cast and there was a brace around his left knee. Bruises were visible on the bare skin of his arms. A couple of his fingers were taped together, and Burt’s words from earlier echoed through his head.
Long list of injuries… Broken arm… Few broken ribs... Torn ligaments in his knee… Swelling in his brain...
Kurt sank into the chair at Blaine’s bedside and did the only thing he could think of: he took Blaine’s hand and began stroking his knuckles with this thumb.
I’m here, Blaine. Please, come back.
tbc…
Previous chapter | Next chapter
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: R
Genre/pairing: Mentions of Kurt/Blaine and one-sided Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Kurt, Sebastian, Burt
Word count 4,710
Warnings: Homophobic language, mostly off-screen violence
Spoilers: Through 4x10, reference to spoiler character
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Summary When a hate crime leaves Blaine in the hospital and re-opens old hurts he'd thought buried, Kurt and Sebastian grudgingly work together to look after him, neither trusting the other not to hurt Blaine further.
Author’s Note: Happy New Year! I tried to research this chapter as well as I could in regards to all the medical goings on, but if anything strikes you as off, chalk it up to creative license.
Chapter 3
It didn’t take long for Kurt to spot Sebastian in the ER waiting room. The other boy was sitting in one of the plastic chairs, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and staring uncomprehendingly at a clipboard in his hands. Kurt bit his lip and strode over.
“How is he?” Kurt demanded, crossing his arms. “What the hell happened?”
Sebastian hadn’t said much else on the phone, just repeating that Kurt needed to come back to Westerville when Kurt had asked what had happened and then hanging up. Kurt had driven back to Westerville as quickly as he could, pushing the limits of every posted traffic law. His thoughts raced with scenarios of what could have happened to Blaine in the hour since they’d seen each other, each worse than the last. He needed someone to put his imagination out of its misery.
Sebastian didn’t look up from the clipboard. “They gave me this clipboard to fill out with Blaine’s information, but I realized I don’t know any of it. We’ve been friends for months and I don’t…” He trailed off then shook his head, seeming to snap out of whatever daze he was in, and looked up at Kurt. He looked pale and shaky, which did nothing to soothe Kurt’s nerves.
“He’s, uh, he’s in surgery. They’re not really telling me anything else because I’m not family.”
Kurt rubbed a hand over his face and collapsed into the chair next to Sebastian. “His parents are out of the country right now and Cooper’s in California.”
“Oh.”
Kurt nodded, and for a moment they sat in silence, the sounds of the ER washing over them. It wasn’t particularly busy, but there was still a bustle going on around them. The sounds were familiar after all the time Kurt had spent in hospitals, but Kurt couldn’t take any comfort from the familiarity; he hated hospitals. Needing a distraction but not quite willing to engage Sebastian in conversation yet despite his need to know what was going on, Kurt plucked the clipboard from the other boy’s hands. Sebastian blinked at him and Kurt shrugged.
“I know most of his information. I filled the paperwork out for him last time.”
A guilty look crossed Sebastian’s face at that and a wave of satisfaction washed over Kurt as he uncapped the pen. You should feel bad. He had to have surgery because of you, he thought viciously as he started filling in the required information. It didn’t help Kurt’s hard feelings over the whole thing that the slushie had been aimed at him in the first place; without Blaine’s white knight complex, Kurt could’ve been in his place.
Once Kurt finished filling out the paperwork, he rose and walked over to the reception desk to hand it over. “For Blaine Anderson,” he said and the receptionist nodded absently as she took the forms.
“Look,” he said after a moment as she started typing information into the computer, “Blaine’s parents aren’t even in the country right now and his brother lives across the country. My friend,” he said, his mouth twisting over the word, with a nod back toward Sebastian, “and I are the only people here with him. Is there any way we can find out how he’s doing?”
The receptionist looked up at him, a sympathetic look on her face. “Sorry, hon. We can only give that information to family. But if he’s admitted, you can come see him during visiting hours.”
Kurt’s stomach clenched painfully at that. He needed to know what was going on with Blaine. He’d wrangle whatever he could out of Sebastian eventually, but right now he needed to know if Blaine was all right. “But-”
“Federal regulations,” the receptionist interrupted, not unkindly. Kurt wanted to pull his hair out-or maybe the receptionist’s-but realistically he knew that it wasn’t her fault. She was just doing her job. But that didn’t ease the frustration.
After a moment, the receptionist typed something into the computer and frowned thoughtfully. “Though I do see there’s a Burt Hummel listed as an emergency contact.”
Kurt’s eyes widened. “That’s my father! I’m Kurt Hummel.”
The receptionist gave him a smile. “I’ll tell you what, Kurt. If you can get your father down here, we’ll be able to relay information about Blaine’s condition to him. Without immediate family, that’s the best we can do. If I were you, I would try to get in touch with his brother, though.”
Kurt nodded. “I will,” he agreed, though he didn’t plan to call Cooper until he had more information besides Blaine’s in the hospital again. “Thank you.”
He walked back over to Sebastian, who was watching him curiously.
“What happened?” he asked.
“My dad is listed as one of Blaine’s emergency contacts,” Kurt replied, pulling his phone from his pocket. “They said that they could give him information about Blaine, so I’m about to call him.”
Sebastian nodded but Kurt was already walking out the door and dialing his father’s number.
“Kurt?” his father answered on the second ring as Kurt stopped about ten feet from the ER doors. “Where are you, bud? It’s starting to get late.” He laughed at himself a bit. “Though I guess you’re getting a bit old for a curfew now.”
Kurt swallowed, suddenly finding it hard to speak. “I’m, uh, I’m at the hospital. In Westerville.”
His father inhaled sharply. “Are you okay?” he asked immediately. “What happened?”
“I’m fine,” Kurt replied quickly. He didn’t want to stress his father out any more than he had to with this. He knew the treatments were going well, but added stress would definitely not help. “It’s Blaine.”
Burt cursed. “What happened?”
“I… I don’t know. They won’t tell us anything because we’re not family.”
“Us?”
Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose. “Me and Sebastian.”
“That kid from the Warblers you don’t like? The one who hurt Blaine last time?” Burt demanded, voice getting sharper as he recognized the name.
“That’s him.”
“Why is he there?” Burt actually sounded angry at that.
Kurt couldn’t help a small smile at his father’s protectiveness; he knew his father and Blaine had a good relationship-Kurt had always loved it since they were the two most important people in his life, not to mention that Blaine didn’t get along very well with his own father.
Kurt shrugged, though he knew his father couldn’t see him. “I don’t know the full story, but he didn’t do anything this time, Dad,” he said quickly. He might not particularly like Sebastian, but the other boy had stood between Blaine and his bullies earlier that afternoon; as much as it pained him to admit, Sebastian deserved a modicum of credit for that.
Kurt’s stomach dropped as a thought occurred to him. Oh god. Did those guys come back after we left the movie? They put him in the hospital for a week the last time…
But his father speaking pulled him from his thoughts. “Where are his parents? Or that brother of his?”
Kurt clenched his jaw thinking about the oft-absent Andersons. “His parents are on some kind of cruise and won’t be back for a couple of weeks. Cooper’s in L.A. Even if we can get in touch with him, there’s no telling when he’d actually get here.”
Burt huffed irritably. “So what now?”
“Blaine has you listed as an emergency contact.” Kurt took a steadying breath. “They said they could give you information about him.”
“I’m on my way.”
“Dad, are you sure?” Kurt asked, biting his lip. Yes, he wanted his father to come more than anything so they could finally get some answers about Blaine-and some fatherly support never hurt-but at the same time, he was also sick and Westerville was a long drive from Lima. And it was getting late. Kurt didn’t want him to push himself too hard while he was still getting treatments.
“Kurt,” Burt said simply in a tone that brooked no argument.
Kurt let out a relieved breath, feeling tight muscles loosen at the single word. “Thank you.”
“You call me if anything changes,” Burt said, and Kurt could hear the jingle of keys and the rustle of the coat closet in the background. “And try to get in touch with Cooper while you’re at it.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Kurt.”
“I love you, too, Dad.”
Kurt hung up the call and shut his eyes a moment, just breathing the cool night air. And then he opened his eyes, squared his shoulders, and walked back into the Emergency Room. He found Sebastian mostly in the same position he’d left him. He took a moment to study the other boy without his knowledge; Sebastian was wearing jeans, a hoodie, and sneakers, which were a far cry from the Dalton blazer and tie he’d been wearing a few hours earlier. His hair was mussed and, Kurt noticed for the first time, longer than it had been the previous spring. His usual upright posture was slouched, and he looked exhausted.
When Kurt sat down next to him, he started in surprise but masked the reaction quickly when he saw who was next to him.
“What happened?”
“My dad’s on his way.”
Sebastian nodded and fell silent again. There was something far away in his eyes that Kurt didn’t like the look of.
“So what happened?” Kurt asked, voice a lot calmer than he felt, knowing Blaine was somewhere in the hospital undergoing surgery for unknown injuries. “Why are you here?”
Sebastian gave him a Look at the accusation in his voice, but Kurt didn’t back down, arching a challenging eyebrow in return. Kurt could do this, could face Sebastian; it was a lot easier than letting the implications of where he was really hit him. They looked at each other a long moment before Sebastian sighed and looked away.
“I heard it.” His voice was quiet and pained.
“Heard what?”
“The attack.”
Kurt felt the air leave his lungs in a rush. “Attack?” he managed to repeat in horror.
Sebastian nodded tightly. “Blaine, uh. He called me.”
Kurt let that sink in a moment. Blaine must’ve called once they’d parted ways after the movie.
“I can’t do this right now, Kurt.”
“I… I need to process. A lot of stuff’s been dredged up tonight. But I’ll text you tomorrow.”
Apparently, Kurt thought with a bitterness that startled him, Blaine thought Sebastian, of all people, could help him process. Not Kurt, who he’d once felt like he could tell anything, but Sebastian, the guy who’d tried to break them up and had nearly blinded him.
For a brief moment, Kurt wondered if he’d stumbled into an alternate reality, but then again… This was the same reality in which Blaine had cheated on him-but not with Sebastian-so what did Kurt know?
“But when I answered,” Sebastian was saying as Kurt was pulled from his reverie, “I could hear these other guys on the line.” He shook his head. “Well, other guys and Blaine. I think he’d dropped his phone so I was just listening in.”
“Were they the same guys?” Kurt asked, clenching his jaw nervously. “As earlier?”
Sebastian nodded and described the hateful slurs being thrown at Blaine. Kurt shut his eyes and felt himself shaking in anger as the other boy spoke. When Sebastian said that Blaine managed to communicate that he was at Starbucks, Kurt’s eyes flew open and his breath caught in his throat.
He never even left the mall, he realized in horror. I never should’ve left him. I should’ve waited for him to get his coffee and walked to the car with him. I should’ve made sure he got home okay even though he said he was fine. I should’ve…
Kurt’s should haves were cut off as Sebastian continued speaking, recounting hearing Blaine’s cries of pain as he drove toward the mall. Feeling nauseous, Kurt glanced over at Sebastian and realized he looked as sick as Kurt felt.
Kurt could remember the sound of Blaine’s screams in that parking garage after he’d been hit by the slushie; they’d haunted him for months after the incident. But the way Sebastian described these cries, high-pitched, almost animalistic, and begging, Kurt couldn’t even imagine…
Kurt realized after a moment that Sebastian had gone quiet. He was looking down at his hands, which were shaking in his lap.
“What happened then?” Kurt asked when it became obvious Sebastian was lost in his thoughts again.
Sebastian jerked in surprise but looked back up at Kurt quickly. “When the call cut out, I called 9-1-1 on the way over. But when I got to Starbucks…”
Sebastian shuddered and Kurt felt dread rising in his gut. Sebastian, who never seemed phased by anything because he’d seen it all, was at a loss for words.
“There was so much blood,” he whispered hollowly and Kurt went cold.
“Sebastian-”
But Sebastian shook his head and Kurt fell silent. Oh god, Blaine echoed through his head like a mantra, the world falling away from around him as his imagination ran wild once more, one horrible scenario replacing another as he sat in the hard, plastic chair in the waiting room.
After a time, Sebastian spoke again, startling Kurt from his macabre musings. “An ambulance and the cops arrived not long after I did,” he said quietly. “They brought Blaine to the hospital and I ended up having to explain to the cops what I knew before they’d let me come here.” He shook his head. “But then they wouldn’t tell me anything about Blaine and I…” He trailed off miserably and Kurt just nodded.
There really wasn’t anything else to say after that.
-----
Kurt must’ve dozed off at some point because he was suddenly being shaken awake, a large hand gripping his shoulder.
“Kurt. Hey, buddy, wake up,” a familiar voice said.
Kurt blinked against the bright hospital lights when he opened his eyes, but after a moment, his dad’s face came into view.
“Dad!”
Burt’s face cracked into a weak smile. “Hey, kiddo.”
“You made it,” he nearly cried in relief. Because no matter how much of an adult he was trying to play with his life in New York, there were just some things a parent was needed for. This definitely qualified.
“Of course.” He frowned a moment. “Where’s Sebastian?”
Kurt blinked and glanced at the seat next to him, but it was empty. Kurt frowned and glanced around the waiting room until he saw Sebastian walking back toward them with a cup of coffee in his hand. Burt followed his gaze, picking him out immediately. Sebastian stopped a few feet away when he realized they were staring at him.
“You must be Mr. Hummel,” Sebastian said, voice more under control than it had been earlier. He still looked like shit, though, Kurt decided.
“I am,” Burt agreed. “Sebastian, I take it?”
Sebastian nodded, sparing a curious glance at Kurt before turning back to the older man. “Yes sir.”
Burt studied Sebastian long enough that the other boy looked as though he wanted to fidget-much to Kurt’s immense satisfaction-but finally Burt nodded after coming to some kind of conclusion and turned back to Kurt. “I’ll go see what I can find out about Blaine and come back.”
Kurt nodded. “Thank you.”
As Burt headed over to the reception desk, Sebastian flopped down in his seat and took a long gulp of coffee. He grimaced. “Tastes like shit,” he muttered but took another drink anyway. “So that’s the famous Burt Hummel, huh?” he said, watching Burt talk to the receptionist.
The receptionist glanced over Kurt’s way at one point and gave him a reassuring smile and he felt something loosen in his chest. They were finally going to get some answers. But then Sebastian’s words registered.
“Famous?” he repeated in confusion.
Sebastian inclined his head. “Blaine talks about him a lot.”
Something throbbed in Kurt’s chest at that-though he wasn’t sure if it more had to do with Blaine talking to Sebastian or Blaine talking to Sebastian about Kurt’s father-but shoved the ugly feeling aside. This was not the time for any of that, not when Blaine was somewhere in the hospital hurt.
“Does he?” he asked in what he hoped was a neutral voice instead.
Sebastian nodded thoughtfully. “Just about what a great guy he is and how he’s like the father Blaine never had.”
Oh. The ugly feeling subsided as Kurt realized that Blaine had been bragging about Kurt’s father to Sebastian. Even after the breakup, Blaine still loved Burt. And, looking over at Burt at the receptionist desk, intently talking to whoever was behind it, Kurt knew that Burt loved Blaine as well.
Intellectually he’d known all along, but especially after Christmas, that Burt and Blaine had a close relationship-much closer than usual for the situation-but somehow seeing and hearing these things was hammering it in all over, making him understand in the concrete rather than the abstract. It was a bit heady, but in a good way.
Sebastian snorted, though the sound was a bit tired. “It reminded me a bit of how the Warblers talked about Blaine last year; I never thought the real Blaine would live up to all the praise, but he somehow surpassed it.”
“And my dad surpassed the hype?” Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I can see what Blaine sees in him,” Sebastian replied, and Kurt figured that was about as high of praise as he was going to hear about his blue collar father from Sebastian.
After a few more moments of Burt conversing with the receptionist at the front desk, a nurse came out of the back and approached Burt. Burt glanced back at Kurt and Sebastian before following the nurse down the hallway and out of sight. Kurt felt his insides tightening in nervousness. He felt Sebastian straighten next to him.
And they waited.
-----
Kurt thought it might’ve been the longest five minutes of his life-feeling more like five years-as they waited for his dad to come back with news about Blaine.
Please be okay.
Kurt didn’t believe in God, didn’t feel the need to pray to a higher power for Blaine’s recovery because he didn’t see the point, but he believed in people-and he especially believed in Blaine. So he sent a prayer to Blaine, pleading with him to fight (Blaine pounding away at the punching bag in the gym, his strikes making the very air hum with an aura of power and strength, unaware of Kurt watching him in awe in the doorway) and to stay with them. He had so much he still needed to tell him, so much he hadn’t been able to say tonight and that he would regret for the rest of his life if he didn’t get to say.
But finally, Burt emerged from the hallway, looking slightly pale but determined. That had to be good, right?
Both he and Sebastian rose as Burt approached them, and Kurt held his breath. Finally, Burt stopped in front of them and looked between them for a moment before speaking.
“Blaine’s out of surgery. They’ve admitted him to the ICU.”
Kurt’s breath left him in a relieved rush. “He’s okay?” Alive.
Burt pressed his lips together into a thin line and Kurt felt his nerves ratchet up again. “He’s not conscious,” he said slowly, eyeing both Kurt and Sebastian carefully. “There’s a real long list of injuries, guys. Broken arm. Few broken ribs. Torn ligaments in his knee.”
Kurt’s eyes widened as his father listed the injuries and he felt more than saw Sebastian stiffening next to him. But Sebastian had seen Blaine before-he knew, or at least had some idea of how bad it would be. Kurt wasn’t sure whether that was better or worse than what he was feeling right now.
“But,” Burt continued, “they’re most worried about the swelling in his brain.” Kurt’s hand flew to his mouth as his dad continued speaking. “They’re monitoring it, but the longer he stays unconscious, the worse his chances are.”
It felt as though all the air had been sucked from the room. With a few simple words, Kurt’s world was falling apart around him. Again. The worse his chances are… Blaine could still… not make it.
His mother. His father. His father again. And now Blaine. It was as though he was cursed, those who loved him damned to suffer, and Kurt couldn’t do anything about it but wait and watch and hope. This kind of helplessness was the worst feeling in the world.
“They’re hopeful,” Burt added quickly, pulling Kurt’s attention back to the present. “They got him into surgery quickly, which is good.”
Kurt glanced at Sebastian-it was because of Sebastian that they’d found Blaine quickly and had been able to treat him. The other boy’s expression was stony, but Kurt noticed the tension in his shoulders and the way his hands were balling into fists and releasing them over and over as he listened.
“For now,” Burt said heavily, “all we can do is wait.”
Kurt nodded dumbly, brain still trying to come to terms with everything his father had said. “Can we see him?” he finally managed to ask.
Burt glanced between them a long moment before nodding. “Two visitors at a time in the ICU. I can take one of you up at a time.”
Kurt insisted Sebastian go first since he needed to get back to Dalton, and the other boy agreed without a fight. Burt fixed him with a worried look, but finally relented when Kurt returned the look evenly. Once his father and Sebastian had disappeared down the hallway, Kurt sank back into his seat and dropped his face into his hands.
Letting Sebastian see Blaine first was also selfish; Kurt just wasn’t sure he was ready yet. He was still trying to process how he could go from spending an evening with Blaine eating dinner, getting coffee, and seeing a movie (so much like Before yet so, so different) to sitting in a hospital while Blaine fought for his life.
He remembered with startling clarity the last time Blaine was in the hospital after the slushie the previous year. New Directions had taken him to the ER and hadn’t been told anything then either, but stubbornly they’d waited. Kurt had only been able to think about the feel of Blaine’s strong hands pushing him out of harm’s way and his boyfriend’s subsequent screams. He thought about the feel of Blaine writhing in pain under his hands and the sound of his whimpers and cries.
When Blaine’s mother had arrived, it had been in a whirlwind, and Kurt thought he’d heard her muttering, “Not again. He was supposed to be safe this time” as she’d been taken back to see her son.
Kurt had called his father at some point and eventually the other members of New Directions had been told to go home with a promise of an update in the morning.
Blaine’s mother had eventually given Kurt permission to come back to see Blaine. His boyfriend had been mostly out of it at that point, doped up on painkillers and with a bandage wrapped around his eye. The sight had nearly made Kurt break down, but at a warning look from Mrs. Anderson, Kurt had instead sat down at Blaine’s side. His hand had found Blaine’s and he’d stroked his knuckles gently with this thumb just to let Blaine know that he was there. Blaine had turned his head toward Kurt at the touch and a weak smile had lifted the corners of his lips, but he’d looked so tired that Kurt couldn’t bring himself to disturb him further.
Words like scratched cornea and surgery were thrown around, but all Kurt had been able to do was be there for Blaine, rubbing circles into the back of his hand while Blaine breathed through the haze of painkillers. When Blaine had been discharged a few hours later, Kurt had helped him to his car and promised to come see him first thing in the morning.
He hadn’t slept well that night.
Now Kurt idly wondered now if sleep would ever come again after this.
He had no idea how long he sat alone in the waiting room lost in his thoughts, but he looked up when he heard his father’s voice speaking softly. Burt surprisingly had an arm around Sebastian’s shoulders as they emerged from the hallway. Sebastian looked even paler than he had when Kurt had first arrived at the ER, and the way he wouldn’t quite meet Kurt’s eyes had Kurt’s heart beating rapidly in his chest.
“I should get back to Dalton,” he said finally.
“Yeah.”
“What should I tell the Warblers?” he asked, glancing between Kurt and his father.
Burt raised an eyebrow at Kurt, leaving the decision in his hands. Kurt bit his lip, tempted to tell Sebastian not to tell them anything out of spite considering the way they’d treated Blaine the previous year. But Blaine had been mending fences with them, and Kurt supposed it wasn’t his place to ruin that.
“Tell them the truth,” he said finally. Sebastian raised an eyebrow but Kurt shrugged. “He’s their friend. They deserve to know. Just… tell them to hold off on visiting.”
Sebastian nodded, as though that much was obvious, and after some stilted goodbyes, he was gone.
Kurt turned to his father and Burt looked down at him. “Are you ready?”
Kurt swallowed. “No. But I need to be there.”
Burt nodded and wrapped an arm around Kurt’s shoulders, much like he’d been supporting Sebastian a few minutes before, and they headed down the hallway. The receptionist gave Kurt a supportive smile as they passed, but Kurt felt too nervous to return it.
Kurt mostly zoned out as they walked through the hallways, letting his father take the lead. At one point, Kurt was told to turn his phone off and at another to wash his hands, both of which he did without comment. And then suddenly he was standing in front of Blaine’s room. Burt squeezed his shoulder and led him inside.
Kurt followed but stopped short in the doorway at the sight that greeted him. There were so many machines and wires surrounding the bed…
But Kurt forced himself to focus on the figure in the bed and his breath caught in his throat. Blaine had always been small, though his energy had always made him seem so much bigger than his compact size, but lying in the bed with various machines connected to him, he looked tiny.
Kurt felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes as Burt beckoned him closer to the bed. Kurt carefully avoided the machines and wires as he made his way to Blaine’s side.
Blaine was sitting upright in the bed, but his eyes were closed. Bruises were forming on his pale cheek. There was a bandage wrapped around his head, and there was a wire connected to…
Oh god, that wire went into Blaine’s skull. Kurt let out a hitched breath and Burt squeezed his shoulder.
“The nurse said that’s so they can monitor the swelling,” he said softly and proceeded to point out the other machines and wires that Blaine was attached to: the EKG to monitor his heart, the ventilator that was helping him breathe and create enough oxygen flow to his brain, the IV, the catheter…
As Burt spoke, Kurt’s gaze roved over Blaine’s prone form. His right arm was in a cast and there was a brace around his left knee. Bruises were visible on the bare skin of his arms. A couple of his fingers were taped together, and Burt’s words from earlier echoed through his head.
Long list of injuries… Broken arm… Few broken ribs... Torn ligaments in his knee… Swelling in his brain...
Kurt sank into the chair at Blaine’s bedside and did the only thing he could think of: he took Blaine’s hand and began stroking his knuckles with this thumb.
I’m here, Blaine. Please, come back.
tbc…
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