Fic: A Heavy Heart to Carry 1/16 [Glee]
Title: Heavy Heart to Carry
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: PG-13
Genre/pairing: Mentions of Kurt/Blaine and one-sided Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Kurt, Sebastian, OMCs
Word count: 4,730
Warnings: omophobic language; mentions of violence, past and present
Summary: hen a hate crime leaves Blaine in the hospital and re-opens old hurts he'd thought buried, Kurt and Sebastian grudgingly work together to look after him, neither trusting the other not to hurt Blaine further.
Spoilers: Through 4x10, reference to spoiler character
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Author’s Note: This fic was inspired by a conversation with the lovely moviegeek03. Story title comes from the Florence + the Machine song “Heavy in Your Arms.” And feedback is love!
Chapter 1
Blaine flipped through the channels on the living room television without much interest before settling on SportsCenter. If nothing else, March Madness recaps would be a good distraction from the complete lack of anything else going on during his Spring Break. It was only early Monday evening and Blaine was already bored out of his skull.
Sam had gone home to Kentucky for the break, and while Blaine could call Tina or Brittany to hang out, that would involve driving to Lima for what would probably just be a trip to the Lima Bean anyway. Blaine had been trying to reach out to the newer members of New Directions in the last few months, especially with them being reinstated into competition, but he still didn’t know any of them well enough to hang out with. And the only other Cheerios he would actually want to spend time with were, well, Tina and Brittany. So.
No, Blaine had resigned himself to spending his Spring Break on his own in Westerville; it wouldn’t be the first time he had the house to himself for an extended period nor would it be the last, he was sure, and he’d have plenty of time to get some homework done and rehearse for his NYADA audition-or so he told himself. Dalton wasn’t on break until next week, either, so if he wanted to see any of the Warblers, it would have to be a quick visit during the evening or on the weekend.
Rolling his eyes at his melodramatic wallowing, Blaine headed into the kitchen and rummaged around until he found his stockpile of takeout menus. His parents had left him money for food while they were on their cruise-and conveniently out of cell range-so at least Blaine’s options were open.
He was contemplating the merits of pizza versus Chinese when the doorbell rang. He headed for the front door, wondering who it could be, and pulled it open only to freeze in shock.
“Hi,” Kurt said, slightly breathless.
Blaine gaped, not trusting his eyes; he had to be dreaming because there was no way Kurt Hummel was standing on his doorstep. Maybe he’d fallen asleep on the couch again…
“Blaine?” Kurt prompted with a frown. “Say something.”
Blaine shook himself. Or maybe this was real after all. “What are you doing here?” he asked, all manners completely forgotten in his surprise.
Kurt laughed, and if Blaine didn’t know better, he’d say Kurt was nervous. “Surprise!”
But that didn’t answer anything. “Kurt.”
Kurt bit his lip before speaking. “Can I, uh, come in? I think… Well, I think we need to talk.”
Blaine felt something in his chest tighten at that. He wasn’t sure what Kurt could have to say to him, especially now that he was dating someone else. They’d been trying to mend their friendship since Kurt had reached out on Thanksgiving and Blaine’s Christmas visit to New York, but Kurt had made it clear that friends were all they were going to be. And Blaine, though it hurt, had accepted that; it was more than he’d ever expected to get anyway, and having his best friend back was infinitely better than not having Kurt in his life at all.
Warily, Blaine stepped aside to let Kurt in and shut the door. “And whatever this is about couldn’t be said over the phone?” he asked, trying to suppress the pang of hurt that arose, considering how most of Blaine’s own efforts to talk had been rebuffed in the last months of their relationship. That and he was feeling a bit blindsided at the moment.
Judging from Kurt’s look, he hadn’t hid it as well as he would’ve liked. But Kurt mostly looked sad, and Blaine wasn’t sure what to do with that. Kurt peeled off his scarf and jacket, and Blaine took them to hang in the closet while Kurt removed his shoes, an automatic response after nearly two years together.
Kurt was wearing dark jeans, a black t-shirt, and a red cardigan under his coat; he looked markedly dressed down, but Blaine didn’t comment-after all, who was he to judge in his jeans and Buckeyes hoodie? He’d only put in a small amount of gel in his hair this morning as well, so he was suddenly feeling a bit naked with Kurt standing in his foyer. With a wave for Kurt to follow, he headed back to the kitchen, the sounds of ESPN echoing through the halls.
Kurt glanced around the house as he trailed Blaine, looking as though he hadn’t been in the house a hundred times before. “Are your parents not here?” he asked once he and Blaine had stopped on opposite sides of the island in the middle of the kitchen. “I saw your mom’s car in the driveway.”
Blaine shrugged. “They’re on a cruise. For their anniversary. They won’t be back for a couple of weeks.” He nodded to the menus spread out on the counter between them. “I was just about to order something for dinner.” He hesitated before asking, “Have you eaten? I can order something for two.”
Kurt glanced down at the counter before nodding. “I’d like that.”
“Chinese okay?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Blaine nodded and grabbed his phone, walking into the living room as he placed his order. After hanging up, he came back into the kitchen. Kurt was idly flipping through the menus, though he knew most of them by heart already after numerous nights of ordering dinner when Blaine’s parents were out of town. Blaine cleared his throat and Kurt looked up.
“How, uh… When did you get in?” he asked finally.
“This afternoon,” Kurt replied. “NYADA’s on break this week, too.”
Huh. Considering the drive from the airport to Lima and from Lima to Westerville, Kurt must’ve nearly come directly to Blaine’s if he’d only just gotten in a few hours before. “Have you seen your dad?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound like he was fishing for information.
Kurt nodded. “Finn picked me up. I went home first, dropped my suitcase off and spent a few minutes with my dad, but he had treatment. I came here when he left. Carole’s still at work.”
“I see.” Blaine wished in that moment that he had some inkling of what was going on in Kurt’s head so he could have some idea of how to feel about this sudden development. The last thing he’d expected when he’d woken up this morning was to have his ex-boyfriend and love of his life standing in his kitchen before the day was through. “What about Vogue?”
Kurt smiled slightly at the mention of his beloved job. “I’m only working two days a week since I’m back in school, so Isabelle had me work this past weekend so I could take the whole week off.”
“That was nice of her.”
Kurt nodded. “She’s amazing. He paused. “You’d really like her,” he added almost hesitantly.
Blaine blinked. Was Kurt implying what Blaine thought he was? “Maybe I can meet her someday.”
“I’d like that,” Kurt agreed, and wow, he was suggesting what Blaine thought he was after all.
But that left Blaine even more confused. Was it normal to want your best friend to meet your boss? He ran a weary hand over his face. He hated that he and Kurt had descended into small talk. Even the first day they’d met, they’d been beyond such meaningless conversation. He never thought he’d see the day they were only able to speak to each other like acquaintances.
“Kurt-” he began, refusing to continue playing whatever game this was.
But Kurt cut him off. “Adam and I broke up.”
Blaine stared at Kurt, who was watching him with an aura of… resolution, maybe? He wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. But if it were true, it would explain some things.
“When?” he asked hoarsely. Belatedly he realized that was probably the least sympathetic thing he could say, but he needed to know.
“Last week.”
When Kurt wasn’t forthcoming with any more details, Blaine opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by the doorbell. He started, pulled from the strangely intense moment they were sharing.
“I guess the food’s here,” he said lamely and Kurt nodded. “I’ll just…” He gestured toward the door and Kurt bobbed his head in agreement. Blaine all but fled from the room, quickly paying for the food and tipping the delivery guy before returning to the kitchen.
When Kurt was nowhere to be found, Blaine wandered into the living room where Kurt was sitting on the couch with two plates and forks set out on the coffee table. Blaine put the bag of food down and grabbed the remote, hitting mute on the basketball highlights before turning to Kurt.
“Something to drink?”
“Water would be great.”
Blaine nodded and fetched two glasses before joining Kurt on the couch. They sat with some space between them as they wordlessly dished up Kung Pao chicken and fried rice. He was contemplating how to return to the discussion they were having before being interrupted when Kurt spoke.
“When’s your NYADA audition?”
“Couple of weeks,” Blaine replied with a frown between bites.
He and Kurt had been talking about Blaine’s audition since he’d gotten his finalist letter and knew very well when it was scheduled. He’d been helping Blaine narrow down song choices based on his own auditions, with Rachel chiming in with her own input.
“Have you heard back from any of the other schools you applied to?” Kurt asked. And that’s when Blaine realized what he was doing.
“Not yet.” He took a breath, steeling himself to say something he really didn’t want to, and he felt Kurt tense next to him. “Kurt, if you wanted to talk, why are you avoiding the subject?”
Blaine had been working on being more assertive over the last few months once he’d finally been in the headspace to look back at the breakup and pinpoint where things had gone wrong. With some help from Sam, Tina, and Ms. Pillsbury-well, Mrs. Schuester now-he’d realized that there wasn’t just one moment, but a lot of little ones. And many of them stemmed from Blaine locking down his feelings and not communicating what he needed from Kurt.
Blaine had always repressed things-that was the Anderson way of dealing with emotions, Cooper the emotional tornado aside-and it had only gotten worse after Sadie Hawkins and his father’s implicit disapproval his sexuality, but it hadn’t occurred to him that he might be damaging his relationship by doing it. Being more communicative about his needs was an ongoing process, but he was working on it.
For a long moment, Kurt was silent and Blaine worried he was going to continue deflecting the issue. But finally Kurt put his fork down and turned on the couch to face Blaine, pulling a leg up under him. In the dim room, the television’s bright colors illuminated Kurt’s pale skin and cast moving shadows across his face. Blaine watched in fascination as Kurt started to speak.
“I want to talk, Blaine. I mean it.” He swallowed. “I had this whole speech in my head that I rehearsed on the flight and everything.” He shook his head with a wry smile; it wasn’t a happy expression. “And then you opened the door and it felt like it was the first time I was seeing you in months. And the entire speech just flew out of my head.”
Blaine frowned, trying to process what he’d just heard. There was a lot there that he wasn’t quite sure what to make of. “You rehearsed a speech for me?” he finally settled on.
Kurt huffed a weak laugh. “Yeah. I had all these things I wanted-no, that I needed-to tell you. I couldn’t get here fast enough to say them. And then… There you were. And I lost it.”
“‘There I was’?” Blaine echoed. This entire evening was giving him whiplash.
Kurt nodded. “After we broke up, it hurt so much to think about you and what had happened, so I started convincing myself that you were someone else.” Blaine raised an eyebrow and Kurt shrugged. “Like, you were a cheater,” he clarified and Blaine’s chest clenched, but it wasn’t undeserved or inaccurate, “or my ex, but never you. But when you opened that door, it was just you standing there. Just Blaine. And I guess I was a bit… overwhelmed?”
Blaine bit his lip. His heart ached to hear about Kurt’s attempts to dehumanize him, but they’d once promised to be completely honest with each other-even if they boys that made that promise wouldn’t recognize them today-and for them to heal, they needed to tell each other these things.
“I just-” Kurt continued, clearly trying to fill the uncomfortable silence that had fallen, “I want to talk. I mean it, Blaine.” He shook his head and drew himself inward a bit, looking suddenly small. “Could we maybe get some coffee or something?” he asked quietly, furtively glancing around the living room.
Blaine nodded in understanding. They’d shared a lot of firsts in this house, and no doubt the memories were making this harder on Kurt than he’d anticipated-it was the first time he’d been at Blaine’s since the breakup, after all. Blaine himself had spent a good month struggling to sleep in his own bed after his hookup, the memories of his and Kurt’s first time haunting him both awake and asleep.
“There’s a Starbucks in the mall,” Blaine offered. “If you don’t mind-”
“No,” Kurt cut in. “That’s perfect.” The opposite of the Lima Bean.
“Okay,” Blaine whispered.
-----
It had been a while since Blaine had been to the Westerville Starbucks. He used to go often while he was at Dalton with the other Warblers. But after he met Kurt, they’d taken to getting coffee at the Lima Bean and Blaine had continued frequenting the Lima Bean after the breakup since it was close to McKinley and his friends were constantly in need of a caffeine fix.
It was still early when they pulled into the parking lot, most people eating dinner at this hour rather than getting coffee. They’d taken separate cars by unspoken agreement and went into the shop; there were a few college students with books and laptops in front of them but otherwise it was mostly empty, so they were able to get their drinks quickly and sit down at a table in the back corner.
For a moment, they both stated at their coffee cups, letting the sounds of the coffee shop wash over them. There was a sense of familiarity since they’d had more coffee dates both as friends and as a couple than Blaine could count, but there was a distinct air of wrongness about it. It made Blaine feel as though he had an itch just beneath his skin that he couldn’t reach.
Finally, Kurt gave a resigned sigh and Blaine looked up, watching him carefully.
“So Adam and I broke up,” he repeated.
“I’m sorry.” Kurt leveled an incredulous look at him and Blaine relented. “Okay, maybe not that sorry.” He shrugged. “But I am sorry you got hurt.”
Kurt seemed to ponder that a moment. “I don’t think I’m actually that hurt, honestly,” he said at last.
Blaine raised an eyebrow. Kurt had gone on and on (okay, maybe Blaine was exaggerating slightly) about his older, mature, NYADA stud of a boyfriend at Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schuester’s wedding, and he always seemed to come up during the conversations they’d started having more often as they repaired their friendship. Kurt seemed happy and Blaine hadn’t been able to begrudge him that, though he disliked the guy immediately when Kurt said he’d named the NYADA glee club after himself (“Look Blaine, sometimes I don’t feel like we’re the Warblers. I feel like we’re Blaine and the Pips” echoing in his head).
“You seemed happy,” Blaine pointed out.
Kurt took a thoughtful sip of coffee. “I was. For a while, anyway. He was sweet and smart and talented. And he was good to me.”
“So what happened?” Blaine figured that was safe friend territory. Friends told friends about their breakups.
“I uh…” Kurt trailed off, a blush rising in his cheeks. “I slept with him.”
Blaine felt as though Kurt had punched him right in the chest with those words. The air left his lungs in a rush and his insides tightened painfully. He supposed he deserved it after he’d made the same confession back in October, only Blaine had no right to feel hurt by it. He and Kurt hadn’t been together for months and Kurt was an adult, free to date-and sleep with-whoever he wanted. And he was gorgeous; the gay men of New York should be banging down his door for a shot with him.
But that didn’t make it hurt any less. Logic had no place here.
“Blaine-” Kurt started, moving as if to reach for Blaine’s hand.
“Blaine?” a new voice cut in and Kurt pulled his hand back as if he’d been burned. Blaine and Kurt both turned to see Sebastian, cup of coffee in hand, walking toward them with a surprised look on his face.
Blaine felt the breath return to his lungs at the sight of Sebastian, and his tense muscles loosened. “Sebastian,” he greeted.
“Thought that was you, Killer. Though I’m shocked to see you in a coffee shop outside of the Lima Bean,” he said with a teasing grin.
“And here I thought you lived at the Lima Bean,” Kurt said coolly.
Sebastian nearly did a double take at the sight of Kurt, but he recovered himself. “Kurt Hummel. Now isn’t this a surprise. Shouldn’t you be living it up in New York?” He inclined his head in a challenge. “And you’d know more about the living arrangements at the Lima Bean than I would, I think.”
He glanced at Blaine, who shrugged. He was still having a hard time believing he and Kurt were sharing space himself.
“Spring Break,” Kurt replied shortly, ignoring the bait. “What are you doing here?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes at the accusation in Kurt’s voice. “Relax, Hummel. This is a regular Dalton hangout. The school’s about five minutes down the road, in case you’ve forgotten, and this is the nearest coffee shop.”
Kurt glanced at Blaine for confirmation and Blaine nodded. “I used to come here all the time after rehearsals with Wes and David.”
“Why did we never come here, then?”
Blaine shrugged. “You always wanted to go to the Lima Bean. We spent more time at your house than at the school or my place, anyway, so it was more convenient. And their coffee is better.”
“You guys are on break this week, right?” Sebastian asked Blaine, shamelessly cutting off the conversation.
Kurt huffed indignantly but Blaine nodded. “Yeah. I was just going to stay home. Get some work and rehearsing done.” Of course, Kurt showing up had thrown a wrench into that plan.
“Lame, Anderson,” Sebastian drawled. “Some of the Warblers are having a party Friday night. You should come. You know the guys would love to see you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Hunter’s not going to be there, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Sebastian added with a knowing look. “He’s going home to Colorado Springs Friday afternoon.”
Blaine pondered that a long moment. His relationship with the other Warblers had improved a lot in the last few months and it would be nice to see them outside of the blazers and competition. “Text me the details?” he asked finally.
Sebastian grinned. “I can do that.”
Blaine sighed. “I’m not promising anything, you know.” But it was nice to have the option open.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Blaine glanced over at Kurt, who had been silently watching the exchange with an incredulous look. When he noticed Blaine’s gaze he frowned. This wouldn’t be pretty.
“And how long have you two been friendly?” Kurt demanded.
“Is that really any of your business?” Sebastian asked. “Blaine’s allowed to have his own friends. And his ex doesn’t have to approve of them.”
“I’d say being friends with someone who nearly blinded him merits some concern, even if it’s from his ex,” Kurt retorted with a sneer.
“Look-” Sebastian started, rounding on Kurt.
“Enough!” Both Kurt and Sebastian blinked at Blaine, who’d set his cup down hard on the table. “I’m right here.” Kurt shut his mouth and Sebastian had the decency to look abashed. Blaine turned to Kurt. “Sebastian and I have been talking since Sectionals. He called to apologize about the trophy theft-”
“Which wasn’t my idea,” Sebastian added helpfully.
“And we ended up meeting for coffee,” Blaine finished, ignoring the interruption. “Hunter may not be my favorite person, but most of the other Warblers reached out about my eye. It’s in the past.”
Blaine, in truth, had been holding onto that betrayal far longer than he’d expected to, especially since he tended to forgive people quickly in an effort to please everyone, but after he’d made his own huge mistake, he’d realized that he didn’t have any right to ask for forgiveness for his own screw ups if he couldn’t forgive those who’d wronged him and tried to make amends. Letting that go had made him feel lighter than he had in months.
And rekindling his friendship with Sebastian had been an added bonus. So far, he seemed to be sticking to the new leaf he’d claimed to have turned over, and they’d quickly returned to the wry, teasing friendship they’d formed prior to competition and jealousy getting in the way the previous year. Sebastian always seemed to turn into a jackass when Kurt was around, but when it was just the two of them, they had a lot of fun.
Sebastian had even become an unexpected source of support as Blaine worked through the breakup and started trying to improve himself since he was doing similar work on himself. He made Blaine feel as though he was being heard, and it had made a huge difference in their friendship.
But Blaine knew Kurt didn’t want to hear any of that. He made no secret of his dislike of Sebastian and hadn’t been around to see the other boy’s change, so Blaine didn’t blame him for his reaction, not really, but it was still annoying to feel like a toy caught between two fighting dogs.
“And you,” he said to Sebastian, who flashed an innocent look his way that Blaine dismissed with an eye roll, “behave.”
“Fine.” Sebastian looked resigned and Blaine knew that meant he’d play well with others, at least for now.
“No way! Anderson?”
Blaine’s head jerked up at the familiar voice-one that had haunted his nightmares since his freshman year-and saw the unmistakable figure of Roy Matthews looking his way from the coffee line. The former Westerville High quarterback’s eyes lit up when they met Blaine’s.
“Shit, it is. Look at that, Nick. Blaine Anderson in the flesh after all these years.”
The hulking figure next to Roy turned, and Blaine recognized Nick Hewitt, the former Westerville High tight end.
“No shit,” Nick said, a grin playing at his lips.
Blaine went rigid as the two men-they’d been seniors Blaine’s freshman year-left the line and made their way toward the table. Blaine thought he’d put those demons to rest when McKinley had hosted its own Sadie Hawkins dance back in January, but looking at the two guys that had put him and his date in the hospital, they didn’t seem quite so exorcized after all.
He swallowed hard.
“I think that’s close enough,” Sebastian said coldly, pulling Blaine from his reverie. He’d stepped in front of Blaine and had his arms across his chest.
“Aw, that’s cute. Anderson’s got himself a prep school boyfriend,” Roy sneered, eyeing Sebastian’s Dalton jacket. “Always knew that school was full of homos. That’s where you transferred, isn’t it Blainey boy? To be with your kind?”
“Why don’t you back off,” Kurt snapped. Blaine blinked, only then noticing that Kurt was also on his feet, standing next to Sebastian, effectively creating a wall between Blaine and his former tormentors.
A wave of gratitude toward the other boys washed over Blaine at the display. Neither of them knew who these guys were, but they were standing up for him without a thought. Blaine didn’t think he’d be very steady on his own, not with the memories so close even after four years.
“Oh ho,” Nick scoffed. “Anderson’s got himself two boyfriends.” He raked his eyes lewdly over Kurt, whose eyes narrowed dangerously. “This one’s a real fairy, huh? Total flamer.”
“Why don’t you go back to the cave you crawled out of?” Kurt retorted.
“Hey now,” Roy said with a smirk, “we just wanted to say hi to our good friend Blaine here. No harm.” Blaine snorted at that and Sebastian and Kurt both stiffened. “It’s been, what, four years?”
Blaine clenched his jaw and pushed himself to his feet. He knew Kurt was doing the math in his head and would figure out who these guys were soon.
“Back off, Roy,” he said, voice only wavering a little. “You are the last people I’d ever want to see again.”
“He speaks,” Nick said, amused.
“Aw, Blainey, that’s no fun. I thought the last time we were together we really hit it off.” Blaine tensed with a sharp exhale. “But I don’t blame you for transferring. That boys’ school must be like a wet dream for a cocksucker like you.”
“Watch your mouth, you waste of space,” Sebastian hissed.
“Why don’t you get the hell out of here before someone calls the cops,” Kurt added, nodding toward the bar where the baristas were watching nervously, one of them holding a phone.
“We don’t want any trouble,” she said, voice shaking a bit, when they looked over. “I t-think you guys should leave.”
Roy’s eyes narrowed for a moment, but he nodded and clapped Nick on the shoulder. “No trouble here. We’ll just be going.” He looked back at Blaine and winked, sending a shiver down Blaine’s spine. “See you around, Anderson.”
“Don’t count on it,” Blaine retorted as they ex-football players left.
Once the door shut behind them, Blaine collapsed back into his chair and dropped his face into his hands. How had his day turned into this? A couple of hours ago, he was planning to hole up with bad daytime TV and homework for the week and now he was getting coffee with his ex-boyfriend and confronting the bullies that had left scars, both physical and mental, that had never quite faded.
“Blaine? You okay?” That was Sebastian.
“You’re shaking,” Kurt added worriedly.
Blaine figured he was allowed a moment to wallow after that, so he squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel the phantom dislocation of his shoulder, the cracking of three ribs, the knocks to the head that left him concussed. He could hear the slurs that they’d growled and smell the blood…
But then Blaine forced the memories aside; it had been a long time since they’d been that vivid and it was harder to do than usual. He finally got his breathing under control and dropped his hands from his face. He looked up to see Sebastian and Kurt hovering but still giving him room to breathe. Blaine tried to offer them a smile of thanks but he was pretty sure it came out more like a grimace.
Kurt offered him a cup of water. “The barista brought it over,” he said when Blaine looked at him in surprise.
“Thanks,” he murmured, downing the contents of the small cup.
“Who were those guys?” Sebastian asked once Blaine had set the cup down.
Kurt glared at him, but Blaine shook his head. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. They’d stood up for him in what could’ve turned into a dangerous situation; they deserved answers. “Those were two of the guys that put me in the hospital for a week my freshman year after the Sadie Hawkins dance.”
tbc…
Next chapter
Author: purplehrdwonder
Rating: PG-13
Genre/pairing: Mentions of Kurt/Blaine and one-sided Sebastian/Blaine
Characters: Blaine, Kurt, Sebastian, OMCs
Word count: 4,730
Warnings: omophobic language; mentions of violence, past and present
Summary: hen a hate crime leaves Blaine in the hospital and re-opens old hurts he'd thought buried, Kurt and Sebastian grudgingly work together to look after him, neither trusting the other not to hurt Blaine further.
Spoilers: Through 4x10, reference to spoiler character
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Author’s Note: This fic was inspired by a conversation with the lovely moviegeek03. Story title comes from the Florence + the Machine song “Heavy in Your Arms.” And feedback is love!
Chapter 1
Blaine flipped through the channels on the living room television without much interest before settling on SportsCenter. If nothing else, March Madness recaps would be a good distraction from the complete lack of anything else going on during his Spring Break. It was only early Monday evening and Blaine was already bored out of his skull.
Sam had gone home to Kentucky for the break, and while Blaine could call Tina or Brittany to hang out, that would involve driving to Lima for what would probably just be a trip to the Lima Bean anyway. Blaine had been trying to reach out to the newer members of New Directions in the last few months, especially with them being reinstated into competition, but he still didn’t know any of them well enough to hang out with. And the only other Cheerios he would actually want to spend time with were, well, Tina and Brittany. So.
No, Blaine had resigned himself to spending his Spring Break on his own in Westerville; it wouldn’t be the first time he had the house to himself for an extended period nor would it be the last, he was sure, and he’d have plenty of time to get some homework done and rehearse for his NYADA audition-or so he told himself. Dalton wasn’t on break until next week, either, so if he wanted to see any of the Warblers, it would have to be a quick visit during the evening or on the weekend.
Rolling his eyes at his melodramatic wallowing, Blaine headed into the kitchen and rummaged around until he found his stockpile of takeout menus. His parents had left him money for food while they were on their cruise-and conveniently out of cell range-so at least Blaine’s options were open.
He was contemplating the merits of pizza versus Chinese when the doorbell rang. He headed for the front door, wondering who it could be, and pulled it open only to freeze in shock.
“Hi,” Kurt said, slightly breathless.
Blaine gaped, not trusting his eyes; he had to be dreaming because there was no way Kurt Hummel was standing on his doorstep. Maybe he’d fallen asleep on the couch again…
“Blaine?” Kurt prompted with a frown. “Say something.”
Blaine shook himself. Or maybe this was real after all. “What are you doing here?” he asked, all manners completely forgotten in his surprise.
Kurt laughed, and if Blaine didn’t know better, he’d say Kurt was nervous. “Surprise!”
But that didn’t answer anything. “Kurt.”
Kurt bit his lip before speaking. “Can I, uh, come in? I think… Well, I think we need to talk.”
Blaine felt something in his chest tighten at that. He wasn’t sure what Kurt could have to say to him, especially now that he was dating someone else. They’d been trying to mend their friendship since Kurt had reached out on Thanksgiving and Blaine’s Christmas visit to New York, but Kurt had made it clear that friends were all they were going to be. And Blaine, though it hurt, had accepted that; it was more than he’d ever expected to get anyway, and having his best friend back was infinitely better than not having Kurt in his life at all.
Warily, Blaine stepped aside to let Kurt in and shut the door. “And whatever this is about couldn’t be said over the phone?” he asked, trying to suppress the pang of hurt that arose, considering how most of Blaine’s own efforts to talk had been rebuffed in the last months of their relationship. That and he was feeling a bit blindsided at the moment.
Judging from Kurt’s look, he hadn’t hid it as well as he would’ve liked. But Kurt mostly looked sad, and Blaine wasn’t sure what to do with that. Kurt peeled off his scarf and jacket, and Blaine took them to hang in the closet while Kurt removed his shoes, an automatic response after nearly two years together.
Kurt was wearing dark jeans, a black t-shirt, and a red cardigan under his coat; he looked markedly dressed down, but Blaine didn’t comment-after all, who was he to judge in his jeans and Buckeyes hoodie? He’d only put in a small amount of gel in his hair this morning as well, so he was suddenly feeling a bit naked with Kurt standing in his foyer. With a wave for Kurt to follow, he headed back to the kitchen, the sounds of ESPN echoing through the halls.
Kurt glanced around the house as he trailed Blaine, looking as though he hadn’t been in the house a hundred times before. “Are your parents not here?” he asked once he and Blaine had stopped on opposite sides of the island in the middle of the kitchen. “I saw your mom’s car in the driveway.”
Blaine shrugged. “They’re on a cruise. For their anniversary. They won’t be back for a couple of weeks.” He nodded to the menus spread out on the counter between them. “I was just about to order something for dinner.” He hesitated before asking, “Have you eaten? I can order something for two.”
Kurt glanced down at the counter before nodding. “I’d like that.”
“Chinese okay?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Blaine nodded and grabbed his phone, walking into the living room as he placed his order. After hanging up, he came back into the kitchen. Kurt was idly flipping through the menus, though he knew most of them by heart already after numerous nights of ordering dinner when Blaine’s parents were out of town. Blaine cleared his throat and Kurt looked up.
“How, uh… When did you get in?” he asked finally.
“This afternoon,” Kurt replied. “NYADA’s on break this week, too.”
Huh. Considering the drive from the airport to Lima and from Lima to Westerville, Kurt must’ve nearly come directly to Blaine’s if he’d only just gotten in a few hours before. “Have you seen your dad?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound like he was fishing for information.
Kurt nodded. “Finn picked me up. I went home first, dropped my suitcase off and spent a few minutes with my dad, but he had treatment. I came here when he left. Carole’s still at work.”
“I see.” Blaine wished in that moment that he had some inkling of what was going on in Kurt’s head so he could have some idea of how to feel about this sudden development. The last thing he’d expected when he’d woken up this morning was to have his ex-boyfriend and love of his life standing in his kitchen before the day was through. “What about Vogue?”
Kurt smiled slightly at the mention of his beloved job. “I’m only working two days a week since I’m back in school, so Isabelle had me work this past weekend so I could take the whole week off.”
“That was nice of her.”
Kurt nodded. “She’s amazing. He paused. “You’d really like her,” he added almost hesitantly.
Blaine blinked. Was Kurt implying what Blaine thought he was? “Maybe I can meet her someday.”
“I’d like that,” Kurt agreed, and wow, he was suggesting what Blaine thought he was after all.
But that left Blaine even more confused. Was it normal to want your best friend to meet your boss? He ran a weary hand over his face. He hated that he and Kurt had descended into small talk. Even the first day they’d met, they’d been beyond such meaningless conversation. He never thought he’d see the day they were only able to speak to each other like acquaintances.
“Kurt-” he began, refusing to continue playing whatever game this was.
But Kurt cut him off. “Adam and I broke up.”
Blaine stared at Kurt, who was watching him with an aura of… resolution, maybe? He wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. But if it were true, it would explain some things.
“When?” he asked hoarsely. Belatedly he realized that was probably the least sympathetic thing he could say, but he needed to know.
“Last week.”
When Kurt wasn’t forthcoming with any more details, Blaine opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by the doorbell. He started, pulled from the strangely intense moment they were sharing.
“I guess the food’s here,” he said lamely and Kurt nodded. “I’ll just…” He gestured toward the door and Kurt bobbed his head in agreement. Blaine all but fled from the room, quickly paying for the food and tipping the delivery guy before returning to the kitchen.
When Kurt was nowhere to be found, Blaine wandered into the living room where Kurt was sitting on the couch with two plates and forks set out on the coffee table. Blaine put the bag of food down and grabbed the remote, hitting mute on the basketball highlights before turning to Kurt.
“Something to drink?”
“Water would be great.”
Blaine nodded and fetched two glasses before joining Kurt on the couch. They sat with some space between them as they wordlessly dished up Kung Pao chicken and fried rice. He was contemplating how to return to the discussion they were having before being interrupted when Kurt spoke.
“When’s your NYADA audition?”
“Couple of weeks,” Blaine replied with a frown between bites.
He and Kurt had been talking about Blaine’s audition since he’d gotten his finalist letter and knew very well when it was scheduled. He’d been helping Blaine narrow down song choices based on his own auditions, with Rachel chiming in with her own input.
“Have you heard back from any of the other schools you applied to?” Kurt asked. And that’s when Blaine realized what he was doing.
“Not yet.” He took a breath, steeling himself to say something he really didn’t want to, and he felt Kurt tense next to him. “Kurt, if you wanted to talk, why are you avoiding the subject?”
Blaine had been working on being more assertive over the last few months once he’d finally been in the headspace to look back at the breakup and pinpoint where things had gone wrong. With some help from Sam, Tina, and Ms. Pillsbury-well, Mrs. Schuester now-he’d realized that there wasn’t just one moment, but a lot of little ones. And many of them stemmed from Blaine locking down his feelings and not communicating what he needed from Kurt.
Blaine had always repressed things-that was the Anderson way of dealing with emotions, Cooper the emotional tornado aside-and it had only gotten worse after Sadie Hawkins and his father’s implicit disapproval his sexuality, but it hadn’t occurred to him that he might be damaging his relationship by doing it. Being more communicative about his needs was an ongoing process, but he was working on it.
For a long moment, Kurt was silent and Blaine worried he was going to continue deflecting the issue. But finally Kurt put his fork down and turned on the couch to face Blaine, pulling a leg up under him. In the dim room, the television’s bright colors illuminated Kurt’s pale skin and cast moving shadows across his face. Blaine watched in fascination as Kurt started to speak.
“I want to talk, Blaine. I mean it.” He swallowed. “I had this whole speech in my head that I rehearsed on the flight and everything.” He shook his head with a wry smile; it wasn’t a happy expression. “And then you opened the door and it felt like it was the first time I was seeing you in months. And the entire speech just flew out of my head.”
Blaine frowned, trying to process what he’d just heard. There was a lot there that he wasn’t quite sure what to make of. “You rehearsed a speech for me?” he finally settled on.
Kurt huffed a weak laugh. “Yeah. I had all these things I wanted-no, that I needed-to tell you. I couldn’t get here fast enough to say them. And then… There you were. And I lost it.”
“‘There I was’?” Blaine echoed. This entire evening was giving him whiplash.
Kurt nodded. “After we broke up, it hurt so much to think about you and what had happened, so I started convincing myself that you were someone else.” Blaine raised an eyebrow and Kurt shrugged. “Like, you were a cheater,” he clarified and Blaine’s chest clenched, but it wasn’t undeserved or inaccurate, “or my ex, but never you. But when you opened that door, it was just you standing there. Just Blaine. And I guess I was a bit… overwhelmed?”
Blaine bit his lip. His heart ached to hear about Kurt’s attempts to dehumanize him, but they’d once promised to be completely honest with each other-even if they boys that made that promise wouldn’t recognize them today-and for them to heal, they needed to tell each other these things.
“I just-” Kurt continued, clearly trying to fill the uncomfortable silence that had fallen, “I want to talk. I mean it, Blaine.” He shook his head and drew himself inward a bit, looking suddenly small. “Could we maybe get some coffee or something?” he asked quietly, furtively glancing around the living room.
Blaine nodded in understanding. They’d shared a lot of firsts in this house, and no doubt the memories were making this harder on Kurt than he’d anticipated-it was the first time he’d been at Blaine’s since the breakup, after all. Blaine himself had spent a good month struggling to sleep in his own bed after his hookup, the memories of his and Kurt’s first time haunting him both awake and asleep.
“There’s a Starbucks in the mall,” Blaine offered. “If you don’t mind-”
“No,” Kurt cut in. “That’s perfect.” The opposite of the Lima Bean.
“Okay,” Blaine whispered.
-----
It had been a while since Blaine had been to the Westerville Starbucks. He used to go often while he was at Dalton with the other Warblers. But after he met Kurt, they’d taken to getting coffee at the Lima Bean and Blaine had continued frequenting the Lima Bean after the breakup since it was close to McKinley and his friends were constantly in need of a caffeine fix.
It was still early when they pulled into the parking lot, most people eating dinner at this hour rather than getting coffee. They’d taken separate cars by unspoken agreement and went into the shop; there were a few college students with books and laptops in front of them but otherwise it was mostly empty, so they were able to get their drinks quickly and sit down at a table in the back corner.
For a moment, they both stated at their coffee cups, letting the sounds of the coffee shop wash over them. There was a sense of familiarity since they’d had more coffee dates both as friends and as a couple than Blaine could count, but there was a distinct air of wrongness about it. It made Blaine feel as though he had an itch just beneath his skin that he couldn’t reach.
Finally, Kurt gave a resigned sigh and Blaine looked up, watching him carefully.
“So Adam and I broke up,” he repeated.
“I’m sorry.” Kurt leveled an incredulous look at him and Blaine relented. “Okay, maybe not that sorry.” He shrugged. “But I am sorry you got hurt.”
Kurt seemed to ponder that a moment. “I don’t think I’m actually that hurt, honestly,” he said at last.
Blaine raised an eyebrow. Kurt had gone on and on (okay, maybe Blaine was exaggerating slightly) about his older, mature, NYADA stud of a boyfriend at Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schuester’s wedding, and he always seemed to come up during the conversations they’d started having more often as they repaired their friendship. Kurt seemed happy and Blaine hadn’t been able to begrudge him that, though he disliked the guy immediately when Kurt said he’d named the NYADA glee club after himself (“Look Blaine, sometimes I don’t feel like we’re the Warblers. I feel like we’re Blaine and the Pips” echoing in his head).
“You seemed happy,” Blaine pointed out.
Kurt took a thoughtful sip of coffee. “I was. For a while, anyway. He was sweet and smart and talented. And he was good to me.”
“So what happened?” Blaine figured that was safe friend territory. Friends told friends about their breakups.
“I uh…” Kurt trailed off, a blush rising in his cheeks. “I slept with him.”
Blaine felt as though Kurt had punched him right in the chest with those words. The air left his lungs in a rush and his insides tightened painfully. He supposed he deserved it after he’d made the same confession back in October, only Blaine had no right to feel hurt by it. He and Kurt hadn’t been together for months and Kurt was an adult, free to date-and sleep with-whoever he wanted. And he was gorgeous; the gay men of New York should be banging down his door for a shot with him.
But that didn’t make it hurt any less. Logic had no place here.
“Blaine-” Kurt started, moving as if to reach for Blaine’s hand.
“Blaine?” a new voice cut in and Kurt pulled his hand back as if he’d been burned. Blaine and Kurt both turned to see Sebastian, cup of coffee in hand, walking toward them with a surprised look on his face.
Blaine felt the breath return to his lungs at the sight of Sebastian, and his tense muscles loosened. “Sebastian,” he greeted.
“Thought that was you, Killer. Though I’m shocked to see you in a coffee shop outside of the Lima Bean,” he said with a teasing grin.
“And here I thought you lived at the Lima Bean,” Kurt said coolly.
Sebastian nearly did a double take at the sight of Kurt, but he recovered himself. “Kurt Hummel. Now isn’t this a surprise. Shouldn’t you be living it up in New York?” He inclined his head in a challenge. “And you’d know more about the living arrangements at the Lima Bean than I would, I think.”
He glanced at Blaine, who shrugged. He was still having a hard time believing he and Kurt were sharing space himself.
“Spring Break,” Kurt replied shortly, ignoring the bait. “What are you doing here?”
Sebastian rolled his eyes at the accusation in Kurt’s voice. “Relax, Hummel. This is a regular Dalton hangout. The school’s about five minutes down the road, in case you’ve forgotten, and this is the nearest coffee shop.”
Kurt glanced at Blaine for confirmation and Blaine nodded. “I used to come here all the time after rehearsals with Wes and David.”
“Why did we never come here, then?”
Blaine shrugged. “You always wanted to go to the Lima Bean. We spent more time at your house than at the school or my place, anyway, so it was more convenient. And their coffee is better.”
“You guys are on break this week, right?” Sebastian asked Blaine, shamelessly cutting off the conversation.
Kurt huffed indignantly but Blaine nodded. “Yeah. I was just going to stay home. Get some work and rehearsing done.” Of course, Kurt showing up had thrown a wrench into that plan.
“Lame, Anderson,” Sebastian drawled. “Some of the Warblers are having a party Friday night. You should come. You know the guys would love to see you.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Hunter’s not going to be there, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Sebastian added with a knowing look. “He’s going home to Colorado Springs Friday afternoon.”
Blaine pondered that a long moment. His relationship with the other Warblers had improved a lot in the last few months and it would be nice to see them outside of the blazers and competition. “Text me the details?” he asked finally.
Sebastian grinned. “I can do that.”
Blaine sighed. “I’m not promising anything, you know.” But it was nice to have the option open.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Blaine glanced over at Kurt, who had been silently watching the exchange with an incredulous look. When he noticed Blaine’s gaze he frowned. This wouldn’t be pretty.
“And how long have you two been friendly?” Kurt demanded.
“Is that really any of your business?” Sebastian asked. “Blaine’s allowed to have his own friends. And his ex doesn’t have to approve of them.”
“I’d say being friends with someone who nearly blinded him merits some concern, even if it’s from his ex,” Kurt retorted with a sneer.
“Look-” Sebastian started, rounding on Kurt.
“Enough!” Both Kurt and Sebastian blinked at Blaine, who’d set his cup down hard on the table. “I’m right here.” Kurt shut his mouth and Sebastian had the decency to look abashed. Blaine turned to Kurt. “Sebastian and I have been talking since Sectionals. He called to apologize about the trophy theft-”
“Which wasn’t my idea,” Sebastian added helpfully.
“And we ended up meeting for coffee,” Blaine finished, ignoring the interruption. “Hunter may not be my favorite person, but most of the other Warblers reached out about my eye. It’s in the past.”
Blaine, in truth, had been holding onto that betrayal far longer than he’d expected to, especially since he tended to forgive people quickly in an effort to please everyone, but after he’d made his own huge mistake, he’d realized that he didn’t have any right to ask for forgiveness for his own screw ups if he couldn’t forgive those who’d wronged him and tried to make amends. Letting that go had made him feel lighter than he had in months.
And rekindling his friendship with Sebastian had been an added bonus. So far, he seemed to be sticking to the new leaf he’d claimed to have turned over, and they’d quickly returned to the wry, teasing friendship they’d formed prior to competition and jealousy getting in the way the previous year. Sebastian always seemed to turn into a jackass when Kurt was around, but when it was just the two of them, they had a lot of fun.
Sebastian had even become an unexpected source of support as Blaine worked through the breakup and started trying to improve himself since he was doing similar work on himself. He made Blaine feel as though he was being heard, and it had made a huge difference in their friendship.
But Blaine knew Kurt didn’t want to hear any of that. He made no secret of his dislike of Sebastian and hadn’t been around to see the other boy’s change, so Blaine didn’t blame him for his reaction, not really, but it was still annoying to feel like a toy caught between two fighting dogs.
“And you,” he said to Sebastian, who flashed an innocent look his way that Blaine dismissed with an eye roll, “behave.”
“Fine.” Sebastian looked resigned and Blaine knew that meant he’d play well with others, at least for now.
“No way! Anderson?”
Blaine’s head jerked up at the familiar voice-one that had haunted his nightmares since his freshman year-and saw the unmistakable figure of Roy Matthews looking his way from the coffee line. The former Westerville High quarterback’s eyes lit up when they met Blaine’s.
“Shit, it is. Look at that, Nick. Blaine Anderson in the flesh after all these years.”
The hulking figure next to Roy turned, and Blaine recognized Nick Hewitt, the former Westerville High tight end.
“No shit,” Nick said, a grin playing at his lips.
Blaine went rigid as the two men-they’d been seniors Blaine’s freshman year-left the line and made their way toward the table. Blaine thought he’d put those demons to rest when McKinley had hosted its own Sadie Hawkins dance back in January, but looking at the two guys that had put him and his date in the hospital, they didn’t seem quite so exorcized after all.
He swallowed hard.
“I think that’s close enough,” Sebastian said coldly, pulling Blaine from his reverie. He’d stepped in front of Blaine and had his arms across his chest.
“Aw, that’s cute. Anderson’s got himself a prep school boyfriend,” Roy sneered, eyeing Sebastian’s Dalton jacket. “Always knew that school was full of homos. That’s where you transferred, isn’t it Blainey boy? To be with your kind?”
“Why don’t you back off,” Kurt snapped. Blaine blinked, only then noticing that Kurt was also on his feet, standing next to Sebastian, effectively creating a wall between Blaine and his former tormentors.
A wave of gratitude toward the other boys washed over Blaine at the display. Neither of them knew who these guys were, but they were standing up for him without a thought. Blaine didn’t think he’d be very steady on his own, not with the memories so close even after four years.
“Oh ho,” Nick scoffed. “Anderson’s got himself two boyfriends.” He raked his eyes lewdly over Kurt, whose eyes narrowed dangerously. “This one’s a real fairy, huh? Total flamer.”
“Why don’t you go back to the cave you crawled out of?” Kurt retorted.
“Hey now,” Roy said with a smirk, “we just wanted to say hi to our good friend Blaine here. No harm.” Blaine snorted at that and Sebastian and Kurt both stiffened. “It’s been, what, four years?”
Blaine clenched his jaw and pushed himself to his feet. He knew Kurt was doing the math in his head and would figure out who these guys were soon.
“Back off, Roy,” he said, voice only wavering a little. “You are the last people I’d ever want to see again.”
“He speaks,” Nick said, amused.
“Aw, Blainey, that’s no fun. I thought the last time we were together we really hit it off.” Blaine tensed with a sharp exhale. “But I don’t blame you for transferring. That boys’ school must be like a wet dream for a cocksucker like you.”
“Watch your mouth, you waste of space,” Sebastian hissed.
“Why don’t you get the hell out of here before someone calls the cops,” Kurt added, nodding toward the bar where the baristas were watching nervously, one of them holding a phone.
“We don’t want any trouble,” she said, voice shaking a bit, when they looked over. “I t-think you guys should leave.”
Roy’s eyes narrowed for a moment, but he nodded and clapped Nick on the shoulder. “No trouble here. We’ll just be going.” He looked back at Blaine and winked, sending a shiver down Blaine’s spine. “See you around, Anderson.”
“Don’t count on it,” Blaine retorted as they ex-football players left.
Once the door shut behind them, Blaine collapsed back into his chair and dropped his face into his hands. How had his day turned into this? A couple of hours ago, he was planning to hole up with bad daytime TV and homework for the week and now he was getting coffee with his ex-boyfriend and confronting the bullies that had left scars, both physical and mental, that had never quite faded.
“Blaine? You okay?” That was Sebastian.
“You’re shaking,” Kurt added worriedly.
Blaine figured he was allowed a moment to wallow after that, so he squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel the phantom dislocation of his shoulder, the cracking of three ribs, the knocks to the head that left him concussed. He could hear the slurs that they’d growled and smell the blood…
But then Blaine forced the memories aside; it had been a long time since they’d been that vivid and it was harder to do than usual. He finally got his breathing under control and dropped his hands from his face. He looked up to see Sebastian and Kurt hovering but still giving him room to breathe. Blaine tried to offer them a smile of thanks but he was pretty sure it came out more like a grimace.
Kurt offered him a cup of water. “The barista brought it over,” he said when Blaine looked at him in surprise.
“Thanks,” he murmured, downing the contents of the small cup.
“Who were those guys?” Sebastian asked once Blaine had set the cup down.
Kurt glared at him, but Blaine shook his head. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. They’d stood up for him in what could’ve turned into a dangerous situation; they deserved answers. “Those were two of the guys that put me in the hospital for a week my freshman year after the Sadie Hawkins dance.”
tbc…
Next chapter