Well...the only thing is that nothing is going to change unless you do say something. Point out that you do try and do things her way when at her house and you'd just appreciate the same courtesy. Dump in there a few hundred times that you do appreciate her help and the reason you feel like you're able to say something because you know and appreciate what an open and caring person she really is. Pretty much butter her up while asserting your dominance.
Also...can you ask Jake if he remembers a girl named Georgina? She works with me and freaked out when we got on the subject and it turns out they used to be really close when they were super young (Jake's pre-tallness days apparently). She'd love to get back in touch with him but I didn't want to give out your phone number or anything.
I haven't really so much encountered Nick's mom mussing things up at my place (she hasn't actually spent much time here at all, let alone enough time to load the dishwasher), but whenever I'm at his house, I try my best to do things the way she does... it's actually pretty difficult because she takes care of everything. Doing things her way entails me putting my dish in the sink. But I always try to clean up after myself instead of having her do it for me, which is something that neither Nick nor her sisters really do.
Hmm...I would just try and talk to her about it. Tell her how much you love the fact that they've come all this way to see both you and their son, but that when they are guests in your house, you would greatly appreciate it if they would do things similar to what you do at your house, as you respect and follow what goes on in theirs.
I've been talking with Jake about this and showing him these comments and we're both pretty much of the mind that, unless I catch her in the act of doing something that I dislike, nothing will change. If I try to talk with her about it, even if it's in a very positive way, it will backfire because she'll automatically turn it into an attack on her.
I guess I'm going to have to just bite my tongue for a while and try not to get too upset about little things. :-)
It's also hard to not offend someone who thinks that her other DILs dislike her. I'm fortunate enough where I love my MIL, but there are things that she does that I just shake my head at, but then I look at the age difference and see why we're so different. Just look at it this way..it could be a relationship like Debra and Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond. We've all seen the MILs that are just horrors. What you're talking about is minor compared to what it could be.
I know that I've been in situations where I haven't liked how people do things in my house, even my own parents, but my thoughts are, "They are just here visiting..once they are gone, I can get back to my normal routine." Things will work out..you'll see. Btw--thanks for the book recommendations..I ordered the first one from Amazon.
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Also...can you ask Jake if he remembers a girl named Georgina? She works with me and freaked out when we got on the subject and it turns out they used to be really close when they were super young (Jake's pre-tallness days apparently). She'd love to get back in touch with him but I didn't want to give out your phone number or anything.
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You can pass on his email address to her if you want. It's jacob.purington@gmail.com
Thanks for the advice, too! :-)
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All inlaws seem to go through stuff like this.
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I've been talking with Jake about this and showing him these comments and we're both pretty much of the mind that, unless I catch her in the act of doing something that I dislike, nothing will change. If I try to talk with her about it, even if it's in a very positive way, it will backfire because she'll automatically turn it into an attack on her.
I guess I'm going to have to just bite my tongue for a while and try not to get too upset about little things. :-)
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I know that I've been in situations where I haven't liked how people do things in my house, even my own parents, but my thoughts are, "They are just here visiting..once they are gone, I can get back to my normal routine." Things will work out..you'll see. Btw--thanks for the book recommendations..I ordered the first one from Amazon.
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