Can I ask you guys a favor?

[punkwalrus]

My cousin, who works for various museum in Sweden, has asked me to check the English on this translation that will be on a sign about Peter Artedi that will placed outside the local museum of Anundsjö nearby Örnsköldsvik. Sven's English is pretty good, actually, but I think he wants an extra set of eyes since English is not his native language.

Comments

How's this?

[principia]

Peter Artedi was born in 1705 in a vicarage at Norrmesunda in this parish, Anundsjö. He died in Amsterdam in 1735.

Peter Artedi is known as the father of ichthyology (the study of fishes).

In 1724 Peter Artedi started his studies at the University of Uppsala. His aim was to study theology but he instead turned his attention to medicine and natural history. When Carolus Linnaeus came to the same university a few years later, he made himself acquainted with Artedi after he had heard that Peter Artedi was the student that “outshines all the others.”

In 1732 Peter Artedi left Uppsala for London and there gained access to the great collection of fishes that belonged to Hans Sloane, then president of The Royal Society.

In Amsterdam Artedi was engaged in cataloging the collections of Albertus Seba, a wealthy Dutchman; it was also in Amsterdam that Artedi died by accidental drowning in 1735.

According to an agreement between Linnaeus and Artedi, Artedi´s manuscripts came into the hands of Linnaeus. Artedi’s Bibliotheca Ichthyologica,

Re: How's this?

[eeedge]

I think this is much smoother, but I'd also put commas after the dates in paragraphs 3 and 4. In 1724, Peter Artedi... In 1732, Peter Artedi...

Also, in paragraph 3, I'd take out the second "Peter." There's only one Artedi being discussed, and it feels a bit like the old sf schtick where the alien calls everyone by first and last name all the time.

[greenpear]

I understand the above text as is. principia_coh's rewrite makes it a bit more smoother.

[montuos]

Um, "cataloguing" is perfectly correct for British English, which is what most Europeans will be more familiar with.

With a view to making the fewest changes to the original, I would make the following edits:

Peter Artedi was born in 1705 in a vicarage at Norrmesunda in the parish Anundsjö. He died in Amsterdam in 1735.

When Carolus Linneus came to the same university a few years later, he made himself acquainted with Artedi after he had heard that Peter Artedi was the student that “outshines all the others”.

Artedi was engaged in cataloguing the collections of Albertus Seba, a wealthy Dutchman in Amsterdam, when he accidentally drowned.