Always Got By On My Own
Title: Always Got By On My Own
Disclaimer: Not real, not in the slightest.
Characters: Mainly Kurt but everyone features a little.
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,036
Warnings: Mention of recent bereavement, mild violence, homophobic remarks.
Notes: Holy crap, I've written something that's not AI RPS!!! My first Glee fic so hopefully not rubbish. Written for this prompt on the glee_angst_meme
Summary: 5 times Kurt Hummel needed someone and there was no one there, and one time when there was.
Kurt didn’t want to make any noise. He knew that his Dad was having trouble sleeping, hadn’t slept since he’d left his mother’s side that final time, and he looked awful. He’d seen him get more and more tired as the days had gone on and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do about it. His Mom had been really tired before she got really sick and he didn’t want his Dad to get sick too. Maybe if he was less tired he wouldn't get sick.
Looking at his Dad fast asleep on the sofa, the television still playing, Kurt didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that he didn't want to wake him. He found the remote and turned the sound on the television down; afraid that if he turned it off completely his Dad would notice.
Kurt noticed that the television was playing Everybody Loves Raymond; they should be eating by now. They often watched the show while they ate but his Dad looked so awful these past few days, so sick, that sleep would probably be better. Kurt always felt better after sleep; well he used to. The only good thing about sleep now was that he got to see his Mom; not as she was at the end but as she had been. She could still pick him up in his dreams. She could still help him with his fashion shows and sing along to the radio and his CD’s. Sure she liked to hear him sing for her at the hospital but she couldn’t join in. Kurt had stopped singing when she died; he didn’t want to make his Dad any sadder than he already was and he always started to cry when Kurt sang.
Kurt moved into the kitchen and opened the cupboard doors. He stared at the tins but there was nothing he knew how to cook, there was barely anything in the cupboard at all. He should know how to cook more. His Mom always cooked and the last few months had proved that his Dad really didn’t know how. Kurt decided he needed to learn how to cook. He didn’t know how to cook anything in the cupboard and he wanted his Mom.
Kurt sat down on the kitchen floor and cried.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt stumbled as the boy pushed him.
“Freak.”
He was pushed again and lost his footing. Falling to the ground he felt the familiar sting of his hands hitting the pavement; the skin grazed off. Turning so he was sitting on the asphalt he started to brush the dirt out of the cuts. It stung and he felt his eyes well up.
“Oh look, the little girl’s gonna cry!”
Kurt glared up at the boy in front of him. He looked around and saw that everyone else was deliberately ignoring the what was happening.
“You gonna cry baby?”
Kurt grabbed his bag and ran.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt was in his father’s garage; he always headed here after school. Sometimes he helped out, sometimes he just did his homework. His Dad didn’t want him in the house by himself for too long. He was afraid that he’d get hurt, or accidentally set the place on fire with all the cooking he was doing, and he wanted him somewhere he could keep an eye on him.
The garage had closed for the day and his Dad was in the backroom working out the rota for the next month. Sitting at the reception desk Kurt struggled on with his American Literature homework wondering just when Scout was going to realise that Boo Radley was one of the least scary things in that town. He picked up his yellow highlighter pen and drew it across the page in several places; he wrote the words ‘tree gift’ next to the newly highlighted patches. He was about to make a note at the back of the book about Boo’s desire for friends when the phone rang.
Kurt knew that they were closed but he was sat next to the phone so it made sense to pick it up.
“Hello Hummel’s Body Works.”
“Dude I got the little fag. I don’t wanna talk with him.”
The voice on the other end of the line was quiet as Kurt heard the man talk to someone else.
“Can I help?”
He knew how to be polite.
“Fuck no. I’ll call back tomorrow.”
Kurt stared at the phone as the dial tone sounded from the speaker. He was still staring at it when his Dad poked his head around the corner.
“Anything important kid?”
Kurt didn’t really know what the call had been about but he knew enough to not tell his Dad. He never wanted his father to know anything about any of this. He would never tell his Dad anything. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t. Prejudice, as Mrs Illingstone kept pointing out in class, was still around today. And even if she wasn’t talking about...about his...his...well....then he still knew that it applied. And his Dad? He just couldn’t afford to lose another parent. He wouldn’t!
Kurt forced a smile onto his face and turned to look at his Dad.
“No...no they’re going to call back tomorrow.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt looked at himself in the mirror as he washed the slushie off his face. The girl next to him, also washing, wouldn’t meet his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to her, to commiserate, or just get the whole thing over with as quick as possible. He may already by late for class but at least he wasn’t in a dumpster; slushie stained but at least it didn’t really smell.
Kurt stepped away from the sink to examin himself in the mirror more clearly.
“Excu..cu...cuse me.”
Moving out of the way Kurt watched as the girl ran from the bathroom back out into the hell that was the corridor.
Reaching up to straighten his fringe Kurt noticed the stain on the strap of his watch. He quickly took the watch off and saw it was covered in slushie. Grabbing a paper towel he carefully cleaned it, making sure to get everything off without rubbing too hard. Reading the face of the watch Kurt noticed that it wasn’t running.
No!
It had stopped. His watch had stopped. The watch his Mom had given him the birthday before she died had stopped! Sure, it had gone through several straps since he’d had it but the watch itself was the same. And it had stopped!
Maybe it could be fixed!
What if it couldn’t?
Kurt fought back the tears, he would not cry in the bathroom. He never let them make him cry anymore. They would not win.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt stood on the stage and stared out into the empty auditorium. He loved it up here. Up here he was free. The rush of the performance, the nerves beforehand, the adrenaline as he came off the stage after getting it right; he needed these. He closed his eyes, held his arms out and took a deep breath.
He pictured Mercedes singing next to him. He saw Brittany smile as she passed him in one of their routines. He felt Mike’s hand on his shoulder as they stood in formation. But when he opened his eyes he was still alone.
He thought once he got friends he’d never feel this way again but he still did. They could all be sat there laughing and talking, and he’d be in the centre of it, but once the day was finished they all went back to their own homes, their own lives, and he didn’t hear from them again until he was back in school the next day.
He used to talk to and regularly get texts from Mercedes but now she was living with Quinn he barely spoke to her. He told her he didn’t mind, he said that he understood and Quinn needed her more. He lied.
It didn’t matter how much he loved glee because he still always ended up standing alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt huddled in the corner of the office and cried. He cried like he hadn’t for years. His shirt was ripped and his face and body were bruised but Finn and Puck had taught him a little bit of self defence, he had been working off of pure terror, and he had gotten away.
He had only just gotten away but only just was enough for him.
He could still feel the body pressed up to his back, forcing his face further into the locker. He could feel the erection and even if Karofsky didn’t intend to use it it still scared the fuck out of him. He was almost sure that Karofsky was simply turned on by the violence he had already inflicted and still planned for Kurt. But feeling that right in his back was enough to get Kurt fighting for his life in a way he had never done before. Karofsky wasn’t expecting it and Kurt had used the surprise and got the fuck out of there.
Unfortunately now he was stuck in this office without any clue to whether it was safe to leave. He was hidden behind a cabinet and out of sight of the door. He could hear people move past the door every so often but he didn’t call out. He wouldn’t know what to say. He didn't know who it might be.
The door opened and light came streaming in. Tucking himself further into the corner his heart stopped as he accidentally knocked the cabinet. To him it sounded louder than one of Rachel’s rants and he knew that whoever else was in the room had also heard it.
“Kurt?”
Kurt let out a sob at the familiar voice. Instantly Mr. Schue was crouched in front of him.
“Oh god.”
He flinched a little as his teacher reached forward. Noticing the movement Mr Schue's hand froze where it was.
“Kurt? Kurt I’m not going to hurt you.”
He nodded, he knew this, but it didn’t stop his reaction. He looked at one of the only teachers in the school who cared and nodded his head; he trusted this man. He might be clueless but he meant well.
Mr Schue edged forward until he had his hand on Kurt’s arm. Kurt would never know what possessed him but without thinking he launched himself into the arms of the other man. He felt his teacher’s arms go around him and hold him securely.
“Shhh shhh, it’s going to be alright.”
The voice was soft in his ear and he wanted to believe it. He felt Mr Schue turn his head away.
“I’ve got him, he’s here!”
It was yelled and a few seconds later Kurt heard the sound of feet running down the corridor as well as calls that he’d been found.
“Santana go get the first aid kit from the nurses office, Sue will let you in.”
Kurt felt it when Mr Schue focused his attention back on him. He continued to hold him until his tears stopped.
“Do you think you can move?”
Kurt pulled away from the safefy of the arms and saw the worried faces of the rest of the glee club.
“You didn’t turn up for Cheerios practice so Santana called me and I got worried and called Mercedes who called Artie who called Tina who called...”
“I think he gets the picture dude.”
Puck bumped Finn with his shoulder as he told him to stop talking. As the rest of his friends joined the bickering 'couple' Kurt allowed Mr Schue to help him up and over to the desk. He looked around the room at the people in his life and saw, for the first time in a crowd of people who didn’t include his Dad, people who cared for him. They were his friends, friends who had come back to school, or away from practice if the sports uniforms were anything to go by, or had stopped marking Spanish papers, all because they were worried about him.
For the first time in the long time he felt safe. For the first time in years he didn’t feel alone.
Disclaimer: Not real, not in the slightest.
Characters: Mainly Kurt but everyone features a little.
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,036
Warnings: Mention of recent bereavement, mild violence, homophobic remarks.
Notes: Holy crap, I've written something that's not AI RPS!!! My first Glee fic so hopefully not rubbish. Written for this prompt on the glee_angst_meme
Summary: 5 times Kurt Hummel needed someone and there was no one there, and one time when there was.
Kurt didn’t want to make any noise. He knew that his Dad was having trouble sleeping, hadn’t slept since he’d left his mother’s side that final time, and he looked awful. He’d seen him get more and more tired as the days had gone on and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do about it. His Mom had been really tired before she got really sick and he didn’t want his Dad to get sick too. Maybe if he was less tired he wouldn't get sick.
Looking at his Dad fast asleep on the sofa, the television still playing, Kurt didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that he didn't want to wake him. He found the remote and turned the sound on the television down; afraid that if he turned it off completely his Dad would notice.
Kurt noticed that the television was playing Everybody Loves Raymond; they should be eating by now. They often watched the show while they ate but his Dad looked so awful these past few days, so sick, that sleep would probably be better. Kurt always felt better after sleep; well he used to. The only good thing about sleep now was that he got to see his Mom; not as she was at the end but as she had been. She could still pick him up in his dreams. She could still help him with his fashion shows and sing along to the radio and his CD’s. Sure she liked to hear him sing for her at the hospital but she couldn’t join in. Kurt had stopped singing when she died; he didn’t want to make his Dad any sadder than he already was and he always started to cry when Kurt sang.
Kurt moved into the kitchen and opened the cupboard doors. He stared at the tins but there was nothing he knew how to cook, there was barely anything in the cupboard at all. He should know how to cook more. His Mom always cooked and the last few months had proved that his Dad really didn’t know how. Kurt decided he needed to learn how to cook. He didn’t know how to cook anything in the cupboard and he wanted his Mom.
Kurt sat down on the kitchen floor and cried.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt stumbled as the boy pushed him.
“Freak.”
He was pushed again and lost his footing. Falling to the ground he felt the familiar sting of his hands hitting the pavement; the skin grazed off. Turning so he was sitting on the asphalt he started to brush the dirt out of the cuts. It stung and he felt his eyes well up.
“Oh look, the little girl’s gonna cry!”
Kurt glared up at the boy in front of him. He looked around and saw that everyone else was deliberately ignoring the what was happening.
“You gonna cry baby?”
Kurt grabbed his bag and ran.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt was in his father’s garage; he always headed here after school. Sometimes he helped out, sometimes he just did his homework. His Dad didn’t want him in the house by himself for too long. He was afraid that he’d get hurt, or accidentally set the place on fire with all the cooking he was doing, and he wanted him somewhere he could keep an eye on him.
The garage had closed for the day and his Dad was in the backroom working out the rota for the next month. Sitting at the reception desk Kurt struggled on with his American Literature homework wondering just when Scout was going to realise that Boo Radley was one of the least scary things in that town. He picked up his yellow highlighter pen and drew it across the page in several places; he wrote the words ‘tree gift’ next to the newly highlighted patches. He was about to make a note at the back of the book about Boo’s desire for friends when the phone rang.
Kurt knew that they were closed but he was sat next to the phone so it made sense to pick it up.
“Hello Hummel’s Body Works.”
“Dude I got the little fag. I don’t wanna talk with him.”
The voice on the other end of the line was quiet as Kurt heard the man talk to someone else.
“Can I help?”
He knew how to be polite.
“Fuck no. I’ll call back tomorrow.”
Kurt stared at the phone as the dial tone sounded from the speaker. He was still staring at it when his Dad poked his head around the corner.
“Anything important kid?”
Kurt didn’t really know what the call had been about but he knew enough to not tell his Dad. He never wanted his father to know anything about any of this. He would never tell his Dad anything. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t. Prejudice, as Mrs Illingstone kept pointing out in class, was still around today. And even if she wasn’t talking about...about his...his...well....then he still knew that it applied. And his Dad? He just couldn’t afford to lose another parent. He wouldn’t!
Kurt forced a smile onto his face and turned to look at his Dad.
“No...no they’re going to call back tomorrow.”
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt looked at himself in the mirror as he washed the slushie off his face. The girl next to him, also washing, wouldn’t meet his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to her, to commiserate, or just get the whole thing over with as quick as possible. He may already by late for class but at least he wasn’t in a dumpster; slushie stained but at least it didn’t really smell.
Kurt stepped away from the sink to examin himself in the mirror more clearly.
“Excu..cu...cuse me.”
Moving out of the way Kurt watched as the girl ran from the bathroom back out into the hell that was the corridor.
Reaching up to straighten his fringe Kurt noticed the stain on the strap of his watch. He quickly took the watch off and saw it was covered in slushie. Grabbing a paper towel he carefully cleaned it, making sure to get everything off without rubbing too hard. Reading the face of the watch Kurt noticed that it wasn’t running.
No!
It had stopped. His watch had stopped. The watch his Mom had given him the birthday before she died had stopped! Sure, it had gone through several straps since he’d had it but the watch itself was the same. And it had stopped!
Maybe it could be fixed!
What if it couldn’t?
Kurt fought back the tears, he would not cry in the bathroom. He never let them make him cry anymore. They would not win.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt stood on the stage and stared out into the empty auditorium. He loved it up here. Up here he was free. The rush of the performance, the nerves beforehand, the adrenaline as he came off the stage after getting it right; he needed these. He closed his eyes, held his arms out and took a deep breath.
He pictured Mercedes singing next to him. He saw Brittany smile as she passed him in one of their routines. He felt Mike’s hand on his shoulder as they stood in formation. But when he opened his eyes he was still alone.
He thought once he got friends he’d never feel this way again but he still did. They could all be sat there laughing and talking, and he’d be in the centre of it, but once the day was finished they all went back to their own homes, their own lives, and he didn’t hear from them again until he was back in school the next day.
He used to talk to and regularly get texts from Mercedes but now she was living with Quinn he barely spoke to her. He told her he didn’t mind, he said that he understood and Quinn needed her more. He lied.
It didn’t matter how much he loved glee because he still always ended up standing alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kurt huddled in the corner of the office and cried. He cried like he hadn’t for years. His shirt was ripped and his face and body were bruised but Finn and Puck had taught him a little bit of self defence, he had been working off of pure terror, and he had gotten away.
He had only just gotten away but only just was enough for him.
He could still feel the body pressed up to his back, forcing his face further into the locker. He could feel the erection and even if Karofsky didn’t intend to use it it still scared the fuck out of him. He was almost sure that Karofsky was simply turned on by the violence he had already inflicted and still planned for Kurt. But feeling that right in his back was enough to get Kurt fighting for his life in a way he had never done before. Karofsky wasn’t expecting it and Kurt had used the surprise and got the fuck out of there.
Unfortunately now he was stuck in this office without any clue to whether it was safe to leave. He was hidden behind a cabinet and out of sight of the door. He could hear people move past the door every so often but he didn’t call out. He wouldn’t know what to say. He didn't know who it might be.
The door opened and light came streaming in. Tucking himself further into the corner his heart stopped as he accidentally knocked the cabinet. To him it sounded louder than one of Rachel’s rants and he knew that whoever else was in the room had also heard it.
“Kurt?”
Kurt let out a sob at the familiar voice. Instantly Mr. Schue was crouched in front of him.
“Oh god.”
He flinched a little as his teacher reached forward. Noticing the movement Mr Schue's hand froze where it was.
“Kurt? Kurt I’m not going to hurt you.”
He nodded, he knew this, but it didn’t stop his reaction. He looked at one of the only teachers in the school who cared and nodded his head; he trusted this man. He might be clueless but he meant well.
Mr Schue edged forward until he had his hand on Kurt’s arm. Kurt would never know what possessed him but without thinking he launched himself into the arms of the other man. He felt his teacher’s arms go around him and hold him securely.
“Shhh shhh, it’s going to be alright.”
The voice was soft in his ear and he wanted to believe it. He felt Mr Schue turn his head away.
“I’ve got him, he’s here!”
It was yelled and a few seconds later Kurt heard the sound of feet running down the corridor as well as calls that he’d been found.
“Santana go get the first aid kit from the nurses office, Sue will let you in.”
Kurt felt it when Mr Schue focused his attention back on him. He continued to hold him until his tears stopped.
“Do you think you can move?”
Kurt pulled away from the safefy of the arms and saw the worried faces of the rest of the glee club.
“You didn’t turn up for Cheerios practice so Santana called me and I got worried and called Mercedes who called Artie who called Tina who called...”
“I think he gets the picture dude.”
Puck bumped Finn with his shoulder as he told him to stop talking. As the rest of his friends joined the bickering 'couple' Kurt allowed Mr Schue to help him up and over to the desk. He looked around the room at the people in his life and saw, for the first time in a crowd of people who didn’t include his Dad, people who cared for him. They were his friends, friends who had come back to school, or away from practice if the sports uniforms were anything to go by, or had stopped marking Spanish papers, all because they were worried about him.
For the first time in the long time he felt safe. For the first time in years he didn’t feel alone.